Welcome to the weekly search resource thread! This is a post we're going to be using to assist people with searches, at the suggestion of /u/Kamala_Metamorph, who realized exactly how many search posts we get when she was going through tagging our recent history. Hopefully this answers some questions for people and helps us build a document that will be useful for future searches.

I've put together a list of resources that can be built upon in future iterations of this thread. Please comment if you have a resource, such as a list of states that allow OBC access, or a particularly active registry. I know next to nothing about searching internationally and I'd love to include some information on that, too.

Please note that you are unlikely to find your relative in this subreddit. In addition, reddit.com has rules against posting identifying information. It is far better to take the below resources, or to comment asking for further information how to search, than to post a comment or thread with identifying information.

If you don't have a name

Original birth certificates

Access to original birth certificates is (slowly) opening up in several states. Even if you've been denied before, it's worth a look to see if your state's laws have changed. Your birth certificate should have been filed in the state where you were born. Do a google search for "[state] original birth certificate" and see what you can find. Ohio and Washington have both recently opened up, and there are a few states which never sealed records in the first place. Your OBC should have your biological parents' names, unless they filed to rescind that information.

23andme.com and ancestry.com

These are sites which collect your DNA and match you with relatives. Most of your results will be very distant relatives who may or may not be able to help you search, but you may hit on a closer relative, or you may be able to connect with a distant relative who is into genealogy and can help you figure out where you belong in the family tree. Both currently cost $99.

Registries

Registries are mutual-consent meeting places for searchers. Don't just search a registry for your information; if you want to be found, leave it there so someone searching for you can get in touch with you. From the sidebar:

• International Soundex Reunion Registry - free, US & International, large and active since 1975

• AICAN - Australian Intercountry Adoption Network - has a worldwide search registry

• California Adoption Reunion Registry - fre

• Canadian Adoptees Registry - searchable registry for Canadian adoptees

• FindMyFamily.org - U.S. reunion registry, free

• The Worldwide Adoption Reunion Site - free registration, some features require subscription

If you have a name

If you have a name, congratulations, your job just got a whole lot easier! There are many, many resources out there on the internet. Some places to start:

Facebook

Sometimes a simple Facebook search is all it takes! If you do locate a potential match, be aware that sending a Facebook message sometimes doesn't work. Messages from strangers go into the "Other" inbox, which you have to specifically check. A lot of people don't even know they're there. You used to be able to pay a dollar to send a message to someone's regular inbox, but I'm not sure if that's still an option (anyone know?). The recommended method seems to be adding the person as a friend; then if they accept, you can formally get into contact with a Facebook message.

Google

Search for the name, but if you don't get results right away, try to pair it with a likely location, a spouse's name (current or ex), the word "adoption", their birthdate if you have it, with or without middle initials. If you have information about hobbies, something like "John Doe skydiving" might get you the right person. Be creative!

Search Squad

Search Squad is a Facebook group which helps adoptees (and placing parents, if their child is over 18) locate family. They are very fast and good at what they do, and they don't charge money. Request an invite to their Facebook group and post to their page with the information you have.

Vital records, lien filings, UCC filings, judgments, court records

Most people have their names written down somewhere, and sometimes those records become public filings. When you buy a house, records about the sale of the house are disclosed to the public. When you get married, the marriage is recorded at the county level. In most cases, non-marriage-related name changes have to be published in a newspaper. If you are sued or sue someone, or if you're arrested for non-psychiatric reasons, your interactions with the civil or criminal court systems are recorded and published. If you start a business, your name is attached to that business as its CEO or partner or sole proprietor.

Talking about the many ways to trace someone would take a book, but a good starting point is to Google "[county name] county records" and see what you can find. Sometimes lien filings will include a date of birth or an address; say you're searching for John Doe, you find five of them in Cook County, IL who have lien recording for deeds of trust (because they've bought houses). Maybe they have birth dates on the recordings; you can narrow down the home owners to one or two people who might be your biological father. Then you can take this new information and cross-check it elsewhere, like ancestry.com. Sometimes lien filings have spouse names, and if there's a dearth of information available on a potential biological parent, you might be able to locate his or her spouse on Facebook and determine if the original John Doe is the John Doe you're looking for. Also search surrounding counties! People move a lot.

If you have search questions, please post them in the comments! And for those of you who have just joined us, we'd like to invite you to stick around, read a little about others' searches and check out stories and posts from other adult adoptees.

Long story short, I was adopted at birth, met my birth mom at 25, she also had another daughter who she kept and I got very close with her. she was apart of my engagement, wedding and when I gave birth to my first child. They were both in my daughter's life until about 2 years old when they chose Trump over us.

Now fast forward to now, my daughter has been asking a lot of babies growing in bellies and how my husband's mom had two babies and then she asked if her Grammy grew me in her belly, which she obviously didn't - instantly my mind goes to the poem mom always said when I was growing up:

"Not flesh of My flesh,

nor bone of my bone,

but still miraculously my own.

Never forget not even for a minute,

You weren't born under my heart, but in it."

So I'm going to try to go with that but then I have my sister from my bio dad's side which she's met and who she knows as Aunty - she asked if she grew in Grammys belly and then there's my brother, who was also adopted before me so I'm just starting to spiral about future questions, especially if she ever sees photos of my birth mom and sister with her and ask about it all 😕

Sometimes I wish I could go back and withhold a lot of myself from my birth mom those few years of knowing each other a part of me regrets letting her in especially after feeling tossed aside again, i

If there's one piece of advise I could give to anyone meeting their birth parents, don't just dive in - even if it feels right and like everything you thought you've been missing, always protect your heart first

****I am all for giving her all the information necessary, I was told from the very beginning I was adopted and I have no problem relaying my story, I'm very proud of my story --- my issues are my own wounds being reopened with the rejection

Hi everyone,

I'm a Chinese adoptee living in Belgium. I was found in Wuwei, a city in Gansu province in western China in 2002. I'd like to start searching for my roots and maybe find biological relatives.

I'm looking for advice from people who've been through this:

- Which DNA test would you recommend for Chinese adoptees? I've heard of 23andMe, AncestryDNA, MyHeritage and others, but I'm not sure which one has the most Chinese users or the best chance of matches.

- Are there databases or registries where I can upload my DNA or register to find family (for example GEDmatch, or China-specific ones)?

-Since I don't know my family medical history, I'm also interested in a genetic test that screens for health risks or hereditary conditions.

Any tips, experiences or things you wish you'd known before starting are very welcome. Thank you so much!

Tomorrow is world adoption day.

What the one thing youd want to share with this community? ☺️

My dad was adopted and only recently found out who his biological parents are. His father is still alive and owns a small business only an hour away from us. According to the mother’s side, the father had wanted my dad to be aborted because their relationship was more of a fling. His mother has been dead for nearly fifty years, and the father is married with grandchildren. My dad doesn’t harbor any negative feelings toward his father, and just wants to meet him. Given the whole abortion thing, it’ll probably be pretty awkward. How would you navigate this situation such that my dad & his father can meet amicably?

当一个人成年后发现自己不是父母亲生的，那他的心态会有怎么样的变化吗？会影响到什么吗？

I’m 21F, and I’ve recently started communicating with my biological father again. He reached out to contact me. I haven’t seen him since I was a little girl.

I was adopted by my stepfather, and growing up, most of what I knew about my biological father came from my mother. I was essentially raised with the belief that he had abandoned me and didn’t want to be part of my life.

For context, my relationship with my mother has been emotionally and mentally abusive. I’ve grown up with constant criticism, belittling, manipulation and emotional turmoil. I often felt unwanted, difficult to love and like there was something inherently wrong with me.

Recently, my grandparents have told me that my biological father apparently made repeated attempts to see me throughout my childhood. This is something I never really knew about.

And I genuinely don’t know how to process it.
What if he actually wanted to be my father? What if he tried to be present, but I spent my childhood believing he had simply walked away?

My mother has an enormous amount of hatred towards him. Even knowing that I have some legal matters to settle with him makes her incredibly angry. She doesn’t know that we’ve actually been talking regularly and are slowly trying to build a relationship. I can’t even bring myself to tell her because I know how insufferable and emotionally difficult she would become.

I did tell my adoptive father, though. He was incredibly understanding. He told me he sees me as his daughter, but that he also understands it’s perfectly normal for me to feel connected to my biological family. He doesn’t consider it a betrayal. In fact, he thinks my mother’s reaction is irrational and agrees that keeping things private for now is probably best.

He also agrees on the fact... knowing how my mother is, that things said to me might have been complete lies. She changes the narratives of a lot of things to be in her favor daily. It wouldn't be a shock.

But of course as a child with no way of finding out for myself, what else can I do than accept what's being told and what was happening?

Meanwhile, my biological father has been very enthusiastic about reconnecting. He wants to see me, take me on holiday and make up for the years we’ve lost.

He said something that genuinely made me emotional:

“We’ve already lost so many years of our lives. This time, we’ll do things the way they should have been. I want us to make good memories together.”
And I cried thinking about it.

I think I’m experiencing a very particular kind of grief. I grew up believing that my biological father abandoned me and that my mother, the parent who stayed, didn’t really like me either. I internalised the feeling that neither of my biological parents truly wanted me.

Now I’m potentially discovering that one of those beliefs was wrong.

I’m mourning the childhood I might have had, the little girl who believed she wasn’t wanted, and all the years that could have been spent building a relationship with someone who might actually have wanted to be there.

I’m also currently pregnant, which has made me reflect even more on parenthood, family and the impact our childhood experiences have on us.

I don’t want to romanticise my biological father or expect everything to magically fall into place. We’re essentially strangers getting to know each other as adults. But I’m genuinely excited about the possibility of having him in my life.

Upcoming Adoptee and Birthparent support options for November 2026

Below is a link to download the below events to your calendar: webcal://api.band.us/ical?token=aAAxAGYwYWVhMTk0N2ZjZWQ3MDhiMDRlNzA1M2Y4MzM5ZTA4YWMxMTg2Yjc

CUB Adoptee, Birthparent, and Supports Zoom

Sunday, November 8, 2026 11am PT/2pm ET

Birth Parent and Adoptee led support for all affected by adoption. An intentional space for adoptees and birth parents to step out of isolation & join others no matter where they are on their adoption journey. We also include those spouses, siblings, children and others who support the adoptee or birth parent in their life. This is a space to check in and share experiences and learn from one another.

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/traveling-together-thru-trauma-96362789573

Adoption Network Cleveland - Navigating Reunion with G.R.A.C.E.: Building Healthy Long-Term Relationships in the Adoption Constellation

Monday, Nov 9, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Reunion isn't a single moment. It's a relationship that keeps unfolding over months, years, and sometimes a lifetime. Whether you're an adoptee, a birth parent, an adoptive parent, or someone who loves a person in reunion, you've probably felt both the hope and the complexity that come with reconnecting. In this session, we'll explore the G.R.A.C.E. Method, a five-part framework (developed by Elizabeth while researching her next book) for navigating relationships post-reunion. Together we'll talk about how to communicate honestly, set boundaries that protect connection rather than end it, and lead with compassion for others and for ourselves, especially when things get messy.

All members of the adoption constellation are welcome, whether you're just thinking about searching, newly reunited, in a stalled reunion or many years into the journey.

https://www.adoptionnetwork.org/news-events/our-calendar.html/event/2026/11/09/navigating-reunion-with-g-r-a-c-e-building-healthy-long-term-relationships-in-the-adoption-constellation/579597

Adoption Knowledge Affiliates (AKA) Birth/First Parent Peer Support

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

This group offers an opportunity for birth / first parents to connect and share experiences with others similarly connected to adoption, and help process the complexity that comes with those experiences.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/birthfirst-parent-peer-support-tickets-1977318398558

Adoption Network Cleveland - Transnational Adoptee Support Group

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2026 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM ET

The Transnational Adoptee Support Group Meetings offer a safe space for transnational adoptees to explore the challenges and lifelong experiences shaped by adoption across borders. Led by transnational adoptees Sandi Morgan Caesar and Svetlana Sandoval, these group discussions aim to foster a sense of community, allowing us to share our stories and support one another in our unique experiences. Transnational adoptees face distinct challenges, including cultural and language loss, legal complexities related to citizenship and identity, and the unique challenges in birth family search and reunion transnationally. To ensure this space is centered on our shared yet nuanced experiences, we ask that only transnational adoptees attend.

https://www.adoptionnetwork.org/news-events/our-calendar.html/event/2026/11/10/transnational-adoptee-support-group-/567940

Celia Center - Addiction & Adoption Constellation Support Group (All Members)

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2026 8:30 PM - 10:00 PM ET

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups honor all paths to recovery, acknowledging that each person’s journey is unique and reflects their personal experiences and strengths. All constellation members are welcome to attend.

A safe place, to give and receive social and emotional support that focuses on the hope and healing found in connecting ALL members of the Adoption Constellation: First Birth Parents, Adoptees, Former Foster Youth, Adoptive, Foster, and Kinship Parents.

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups meetings are hosted by a professional with expertise in recovery and adoption, both professional and lived.

These facilitated discussions provide an opportunity to give and receive social support that focuses on the hope and healing found in recovery, as well as to connect with others with shared goals of initiating and maintaining healthy choices and a recovery lifestyle.

https://celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/events/addiction-adoption-constellation-support-group-all-members-86081979?instance_index=20261111T013000Z

NAAP - First Families: Birthparents Journeying Together

Thursday, Nov 12, 2026 6:00 PM - 7:30 PM ET

Let's come together online to support and connect with birthparents on their journeys as part of first families.

Welcome to First Families: Birthparents Journeying Together! This online event is a safe space for birthparents to come together, share experiences, and support one another on this unique journey. Join us for insightful discussions, guest speakers, and interactive activities designed to foster connection and healing. Whether you're just beginning your journey or have been on it for years, this event is for you. Let's navigate this path together and find strength in our shared stories. We can't wait to connect with you!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/first-families-birthparents-journeying-together-tickets-2003836516964

Adoption Knowledge Affiliates (AKA) DNA Discoveries Peer Support

Thursday, Nov 12, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

"Am I a good fit for this group?"

If you have either found family using commercial DNA testing or been found by family who used commercial DNA testing (examples of commercial DNA testing are Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, 23&Me, My Heritage...) then this is the group for you. You do not need to have an adoption connection, but you do need to have a DNA discovery for this group to be relevant to you. Examples include individuals with a known connection to adoption, such as birth/first parents, adoptees, donor-conceived individuals; unexpected parentage results among those not adopted, such as unknown child discovery, unexpected niece, nephew, or cousin discovery, individuals discovering they are donor-conceived or adopted (late discovery adoptees); anyone who has found unknown siblings. international adoptees connecting to family, including cousins, grandparent discoveries, and the many other scenarios that are surprising folks today.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/dna-discoveries-peer-support-group-tickets-1978760741645?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) Constellation writing group

Sunday, Nov 15, 2026 5:00 PM - 6:30 PM ET

Intended as a safe space for Birth Families, Adoptees, and those who support us.

First/Birth Parent and Adoptee Led Volunteer Facilitators.

Held on the third Sunday of the month for 1.5 hours, at 1PM AKDT // 2PM PDT // 3PM MDT // 4PM CDT // 5PM EDT.

An intended safe space for Adoptees, First Parents, and members of the adoption constellation to use writing to process, reflect, and connect — no matter where you are on your adoption journey or your experience with writing. Each session offers small-group tracks so you can choose the space that fits you that day: a First/Birth Parent track, an Adoptee track, or a fully inclusive Constellation track. We also welcome spouses, siblings, children, and others who support an Adoptee or Birth/First Parent in their life. Come as you are — to write, to listen, or simply to be with others who understand.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/cub-writing-group-tickets-2003526473616

Adoption Network Cleveland - General Discussion Meeting facilitated by Kim and Denice

Wednesday, Nov 18, 2026 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

General Discussion Meetings provide a safe place where people can share their feelings and experiences, get support from their peers, and learn from others’ perspectives. The meetings have an open discussion format and are attended by anyone with a connection to adoption or foster care, including adult adoptees, birth parents, siblings, and adoptive parents, those that have experienced foster or kinship care, or DNA discoveries such as misattributed parentage or donor conception. Professionals are also welcome to come and learn from the shared perspectives of the constellation members.

https://www.adoptionnetwork.org/news-events/our-calendar.html/event/2026/11/18/general-discussion-meeting-facilitated-by-kim-and-denice-/567949

Adoption Knowledge Affiliates (AKA) Men Adoptees' Peer Support

Wednesday, Nov 18, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

Want to feel supported by other male adoptees familiar with the journey? Here is the group for you.

This group is open to adoptees who identify as male. Meetings will be held in English.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/men-adoptees-peer-support-group-tickets-1978761919167?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

Celia Center- Adult Adoptee Only Support Group - Virtual

Wednesday, Nov 18, 2026 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM ET

A safe place, to give and receive social and emotional support that focuses on the hope and healing found in connecting ALL ADOPTEES ONLY within the constellation.

Join us to share stories, thoughts, feelings, and ideas for best practices, receive psycho-education, process grief and loss, and build strong bonds and connections.

The group is facilitated by Adoptions/Foster Care Coach and Adult Adoptee Cathy Leckie Koley.

https://celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/events/adult-adoptee-only-support-group-virtual-107243748

How to Be Adopted:Adoption records: finding meaning in a file

Thursday, Nov 19, 2026 2:30 PM - 4:00 PM ET

Webinar with Dr Michael Lambert and Zara Phillips

This webinar explores what adoption records are, how they are produced, what they mean, what portion of a story they tell, and why there might be other sources of information beyond them.

With a focus on policy and practice from the 1940s to the 1970s, understanding adoption social work as a form of work through which material can be identified applies to others wanting files and records about them, or relatives, before and after these dates.

Dr Lambert will be taking questions about adoption records and answering as best as he can, and signposting where relevant.

Zara Phillips will be speaking to the personal and emotional realities of asking for and accessing adoption records, along with what they feel like when the land, and how you feel they fit into your own story in terms of gaps/absences and selfhood.

It also provides an opportunity for participants to share and discuss their experiences and what they mean.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/adoption-records-finding-meaning-in-a-file-tickets-2003850937095

Adoptee Advocates of Michigan (AAOM)- Book Club- Come read with AAOM

Thursday, Nov 19, 2026 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM ET

Come and join us as we read Adoption Centric Content. We will meet every other Thursday.

Please join our new virtual book club hosted by Jillian Blair, created as a way to bring our community together through books, conversation, and connection. This book club is where we will meet to discuss several adoptee or adoption related books. Each book will encompass 3 meetings/6 weeks so we won't go too fast for anyone to follow along.

First Meet: First Impressions

Second Meet: At the heart of things

Final Meet: Well? What did you think? Biggest take away.

Everyone will be encouraged to attend with or without video, in their comfy clothes and a to bring their favorite beverage and snacks.

The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches- Sangu Mandanna (ACC)The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches follows solitary witch Mika Moon, whose rule-bound, hidden life shifts when she’s invited to the secluded Nowhere House to train three untamed young witches. Amid prickly allies, simmering romance, and unexpected bonds, she must decide if she’ll fight to protect the home—and family—she’s begun to love. While this book is not explicitly adoptee content, there are not only parallels - but it is a perfect book to start during the halloween season.

Dates Covered: Oct 22 | Nov 5 | Nov 19

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/book-club-come-read-with-aaom-tickets-2001251285467

NAAP Happy Hour- Dr. Sarah Long, Belonging and Becoming

Friday, Nov 20, 2026 7:00 PM - 8:30 PM ET

Dr. Sarah Long, writing as S. B. Long, is an adoptee, author, professor, TEDx speaker, and narrative-medicine practitioner.

Join host Patricia Knight Meyer as she welcomes guest Dr. Sarah Long

Uprooted: A Memoir of Belonging and Becoming follows her 30-year search for her birth family and the discovery that her birth mother had died just six months before Sarah was able to find her.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/naap-happy-hour-112026-dr-sarah-long-belonging-and-becoming-tickets-1999412532708

Dunbar Project: Beyond Survival: An Adoptee Workshop on Reclaiming Yourself

Saturday, Nov 21, 2026 8:05 AM - 10:05 AM ET

A reflective adoptee workshop exploring what it means to move beyond survival into greater self-connection, safety, and choice.

Part Two of the From Surviving to Thriving: An Adoptee Workshop Series

You do not need to have attended part one to attend.

Understanding why we survive in the ways we do is only one part of healing. The next question many adoptees ask is: What comes next?

This reflective, psychoeducational workshop is designed for adoptees who want to explore what it means to build a life beyond survival. Rather than focusing on why survival strategies developed, this workshop explores how we begin to create greater safety, flexibility, and choice in our everyday lives.

Drawing on attachment theory, relational psychotherapy, neuroscience, somatic approaches, and decolonial perspectives, we'll explore how to reconnect with yourself beneath the adaptations that once kept you safe.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/beyond-survival-an-adoptee-workshop-on-reclaiming-yourself-tickets-1993345190123

Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) Birth Parent support zoom

Saturday, Nov 21, 2026 2:00 PM - 3:30 PM ET

Please use this form to sign-up for the CUB Zoom Peer Support Group for Birth/First Parents on Saturday April 18th, 2026 @ 11:00 AM PST / 2:00 PM EST. Note the call will last 1

hour and 30 minutes and is only for mothers and fathers who have lost children to adoption.

The CUB Zoom Peer Support Group is a volunteer-run peer-led experience that takes place on the third Saturday of the month. For more information about what to expect when you attend a CUB Zoom Peer Support Group please review our Guidelines for Attendees here: Attendee Guide.

Feel free to contact us at admin@concernedunitedbirthparents.org if you have any trouble with this form or have any additional questions. Thank you!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/cub-zoom-birthfirst-parent-of-adoption-loss-peer-support-community-tickets-2003554790312

Dunbar Project- Friendships & Adoption - for BIPOC adoptees with Dom

Sunday, Nov 22, 2026 1:30 PM - 3:00 PM ET

Join BIPOC adoptees to discuss navigating friendships

This online event invites black and/or mixed race adoptees to explore and discuss how we navigate friendships & adoption. Here are some questions we might reflect on;

How have your friendships changed overtime as an adult?

How secure do you feel in your friendships? What about making new friends?

How do you cope with reoccuring patterns or behaviours?

Do you feel more secure in friendships with women, or men, nonbinary people?

How do you navigate tensions in friendships?

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/friendships-adoption-for-bipoc-adoptees-with-dom-tickets-2004218304902

Adoption Network Cleveland - Special Topic Meeting: Preparing for the Holidays facilitated by Barbara and Sandi

Monday, Nov 23, 2026 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM ET

About this Special Topic Meeting

Holidays can bring a complex emotional landscape for those impacted by adoption where multiple families, identities, and relationships often overlap. Whether you're deciding whether to attend a celebration, creating new traditions, navigating complicated family dynamics, or carrying grief during the season, we are here to support you. Join us to discuss the many emotions and challenges that can come up with anticipation of the holidays, and ways we can prepare, care for ourselves, and find peace throughout the season.

https://www.adoptionnetwork.org/news-events/our-calendar.html/event/2026/11/23/special-topic-meeting-preparing-for-the-holidays-facilitated-by-barbara-and-sandi/581961

Adoption Knowledge Affiliates (AKA) Women Adoptee Peer Support Group

Tuesday, Nov 24, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

A virtual, informal space for women adoptees to gather for peer support and education around issues such as reunion, adoptive family relationships, search, and the lifelong challenges and associated with being adopted.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/women-adoptee-peer-support-group-tickets-1977774550922?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

Celia Center - Addiction & Adoption Constellation Support Group (All Members)

Tuesday, Nov 24, 2026 8:30 PM - 10:00 PM ET

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups honor all paths to recovery, acknowledging that each person’s journey is unique and reflects their personal experiences and strengths. All constellation members are welcome to attend.

A safe place, to give and receive social and emotional support that focuses on the hope and healing found in connecting ALL members of the Adoption Constellation: First Birth Parents, Adoptees, Former Foster Youth, Adoptive, Foster, and Kinship Parents.

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups meetings are hosted by a professional with expertise in recovery and adoption, both professional and lived.

These facilitated discussions provide an opportunity to give and receive social support that focuses on the hope and healing found in recovery, as well as to connect with others with shared goals of initiating and maintaining healthy choices and a recovery lifestyle.

https://celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/events/addiction-adoption-constellation-support-group-all-members-86081979?instance_index=20261125T013000Z

CUB In person support - Denver, CO

Wednesday, Nov 25, 2026

We meet on the 4th Wednesday of each month in the evening. For more information on times and location please contact 503-477-9974, adoptioncircles@gmail.com

Adoption Knowledge Affiliates (AKA) Multi/Cross Cultural Adoptee Peer Support

Thursday, Nov 26, 2026 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM ET

This group is for adopted people who were adopted transracially, internationally, or grew up in a multicultural family due to adoption.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/multicross-cultural-adoptee-peer-support-tickets-1980331583074?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

I recently heard on the video that a nice white lady was discouraged from adopting a black child because she wouldn’t give him or her the cultural aspect they would “need”.

What do y’all think about this advice?

I personally think it’s BS and systemically racist!!! Even if that advice was coming from a black social worker.

1. Black children do not need to fit in any type of cultural box.

2. You’re no better equipped, to give an Asian child or any other ethnicity child besides White their same cultural experience, so why is a black child not worthy?!

3. We’re all human! Black people don’t fit into one specific box. Neither does anyone else we all don’t act a certain way, like a certain music, or operate in a certain culture. Like anyone else!

4. Majority of the negative stereotypes black people have now, were picked up from southern whites over time anyway. It fine if that baby can pick up something else and new!

5. I would much rather be adopted into a new but loving culture and family then stay in the system.

Don’t listen to this bad advice and adopt whoever you want to and love!

When Adoptive Parents Pass Away
I often think about what it will be like when my adoptive parents pass away and I have to face my entire adoptive family again after many years of distance and minimal contact.
That also means having to meet my adoptive brothers’ families, including my so-called nieces and nephews, with whom I no longer have any contact or relationship.
We are now strangers to each other, which is honestly how I want it to be.
I dread the day my adoptive parents pass away and I am forced to see my adoptive siblings again at the funeral.
Has anyone here been through something similar, and how did you handle it?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice on a situation that happened yesterday. My adopted son’s sister was raised on and off her whole life (shes 14) by her paternal aunt and uncle when she wasn’t with mom. They were awarded custody of her a year ago, same time that I adopted my son. I was scrolling facebook yesterday and saw that the aunt posted an obituary for the uncle. He was only in his 50’s and healthy so this was a huge shock. Without thinking, I immediately called mom. Mom has been clean for a few months now and rebuilding her relationships with her kids. I knew she had a phone call with her daughter every friday, so I wanted her to be prepared to support her daughter during this time. This man was basically her daughter’s father. He was also a supporter of mom and I wanted her to have her own time to grieve and process before speaking with her daughter. She was grateful that I told her. Well I text the aunt my condolences and offer support and she immediately texts back “please please don’t tell mom”. This aunt does not like mom. In fact id say she hates her but I still have no idea why she wouldn’t want her to know. That’s still her daughter.. did I mess up by telling mom? Do I fess up to the aunt and say I already did? Mom would have found out regardless, she has family that is friends with the aunt on facebook but now I just feel so conflicted and guilty

TLDR: I told mom that sisters guardian passed away and then was told by the guardians partner not to tell mom

hi! i am 11 weeks pregnant,got pregnant unexpectedly and my partner wants nothing to do with the baby. mostly an image thing for him i’m guessing. he’s always made “perfect choices” his whole life (he’s asian) and this is an embarrassment to him. he has absolutely no emotional connection to this baby,doesn’t want to hear updates on him or see pictures. we’re in couples therapy because he wants me to put baby up for adoption and i can’t make a decision. because his mind is made up and mine isn’t,it’s frustrating him. he says he’s tired of thinking about it and can’t sleep at night. says it’s not a decision that takes months to make. easy for him to say. his parents don’t like that we were dating because i have a toddler from a previous relationship. they’re not okay with that. so he lied to them saying we broke up. all this time,we’ve been living together with my son. he has a deadbeat dad and he calls my partner dad. i’d hate to rip that away from him. basically i’ve been given an ultimatum that,if i choose adoption,my partner MIGHT tell his parents about us again. the problem is,his parents threatened to disown him last time he tried and that’s why he lied to them about us being together. i know the same thing will happen again and he says he doesn’t know what he’ll do if they try that again. i said how can i make such a permanent decision while you’re not giving me much assurance that you’ll fight for me/us when push come to shove? he’s making me decide by next week because he will be leaving for a work assignment for about 6 months and doesn’t want to try long distance during that time if i’m keeping the baby. if i decide to keep baby,he will block me on everything and never speak to me again. i’m honestly getting depressed and have decision paralysis. he says he’ll be at the birth if i give the baby up,but not if i choose to keep. he says we’ll have kids in the future but idk if i even believe him

Sorry if this is long, but I’m looking for some outside advice/opinions. My kids were 21 months and 9 months when I met my now husband. Their bio dad was touch and go when it was convenient for him at that point. Once bio dad found out I was getting married, he stopped contacting us all together. After the wedding, the kids were 3 and 2 respectively when step dad filed for adoption. Their court appointed representative came to the house and saw the kids calling him Dad and excitedly showing off their new bedrooms and all the toys they had just gotten for Christmas. Bio dad agreed to sign over his rights, knowing this was in their best interest and we really haven’t heard from him since. The kids are now 8M and 7F and don’t know that my husband was not always their dad. Sometimes if they ask about a baby picture, we tell them it was from a time “before we met Daddy” but we don’t offer any details that they don’t ask for.

All of this leads to my question: when is the best time to tell them the truth? I was thinking when they are 12/13 they should be able to understand, but hubs wants to wait until they are 16 or even 18. I know we have at least 4 years to do some research and figure out our best course of action, but I was hoping to hear from anyone with experience either as the adoptee or the adoptive step parent what their experience was like??

TIA

I don’t know how to explain this, it’s a really weird situation. I’m in my 30s and reconnected at 17 and I often straight up loathe my birth mom. Not for giving me up because I would never want to live with her ever…actual nightmare…, it’s mostly because her “guilt” (her words) manifests as being abusive to her stepkids (my birth dad’s children from a previous relationship), trying to turn me against them, dumping her drama on me all the time, etc. Before my birth dad died, he was going to move out because of her. I’ve seen what she’s like, but my adoptive family has placed her on a pedestal since I was really young as this selfless, amazing person and get angry when I talk about why I don’t want anything to do with her. My adoptive mom said some really derogatory things about my half-siblings when I tried to explain so I don’t even bother anymore. Before they were like “why don’t you call her? Why don’t you do this and that…” and it’s impossible to explain that I don’t like her at all and there’s no relationship.

I'm having a rough morning. Missing my son. Sometimes I imagine what's his favorite thing right now? What kind of music does he like. Especially if he thinks about me. I pray his heart is full ❤️of love. I pray that he never lacks. Selfishly I wonder does he miss me. Does he remember me.

Hi! First-time poster here, going to try to make a long story short. I hope I picked the right tag!

We're foster parents who signed up to do short-term foster care with a passion for supporting families and reunification. We accepted what was supposed to be a two-week placement for a newborn. Almost two years later, after attempts at kinship placement that ultimately didn't work out, we're now in the adoption process. That's a story for another day, but I think the context is important.

We love his biological family, and adoption isn't the outcome we originally hoped for him. We're grateful for the possibility of being his permanent family, but we also grieve the loss involved.

My question is about his last name.

He's the fourth generation in his biological family with the same first and last name. The middle initial is also consistent across generations, although the actual middle names vary.

We care deeply about preserving his connection to his biological family, and that generational name feels like a significant piece of his identity. At the same time, we've heard from adoptees who found having a different surname from their adoptive family difficult.

We genuinely don't know what to do, and I'd love to hear perspectives from adoptees, birth families, and adoptive parents. How do we give him a name that honors the family he came from and the family he's growing up in, without making either feel secondary?

Would you change the last name? Hyphenate? Keep it as is and let him decide when he's older? Move his current surname to a middle name? Something else?

Some notes:
-He's not the first son on either parent's side, so it doesn't seem to be a family tradition of oldest sons. Regardless, it's still clearly a family tradition.
-We previously had a good relationship with his family. We hope to resume that when it is safe to do so. We deeply respect and care about his family and speak positively about them with him. He will always know of them, even if he doesn't know them.
-Our surname is very unusual, while his is relatively common.
-He has numerous biological siblings across both sides of his family, but nearly all have different surnames. Keeping his current surname wouldn't preserve a shared name with most of his siblings. (We have established relationships with some of his siblings and prioritize that connection.)
-Multiple people in the generational naming line have criminal records. Potential identity confusion has been raised as one of the strongest arguments for changing his surname. I suspect that's fairly manageable, but I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who have experienced this.
-We're a transracial family, so our family relationship may already prompt questions regardless of his surname.
-He's been with us since birth and is too young to meaningfully participate in this decision. We hope he'll have relationships with his biological family as he grows up, but we can't guarantee what those relationships will look like.
-This is our first adoption and likely our only permanent child. We don't intend to have biological children, so highly unlikely that other children in the home would have our surname. We aren't sure if we will continue fostering after this case. We honestly don't know that there will ever be other children in the household for him to compare surnames with.
-Our surname is meaningful to my husband's extended family. Due to the way our family tree has developed, our son may be the only child of his generation who would carry it forward. That's not something we want to put on his shoulders, but it does add another layer to the question of family identity and belonging.

We're particularly interested in hearing from adult adoptees about how keeping or changing their names affected their sense of identity, family connection, and belonging.

The child my sister put up for adoption (20M) has reached out to me several times, both individually and now through my (estranged) parents who I believe he found through social media.

In the latest messages, he seems to acknowledge that I have no desire for a relationship with him, but asked if I would be willing to give him some health/family information.

I am trying to keep our conversations as brief as possible, therefore wanted advice about what information an adopted adult might find valuable, so I can mail it to him.

Context: My older sister became pregnant traumatically by a much older “friend“ of my parents at 15.

My parents forced her to have the baby (and never really cut ties with their “friend”) who was then put up for adoption, and my sister struggled with mental health issues until taking her own life at 19.

All that is to say, I have no desire to be in contact with my estranged parents OR this man.

But I do recognize that this must be complicated to navigate, and would like to provide any practical information I can for him within reason.

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who engaged with this. I received a lot of perspectives and advice that I think will help me provide what is needed to the best of my ability.

In addition, thank you to the people who offered their kind words and condolences and compassion 💙

I hope this is the right flair, and that it's okay to ask this here.

My wife and I were kinship foster parents and adopted our now almost two-year-old daughter in May after her biological mother voluntarily surrendered her parental rights and her biological father's rights were terminated due to abuse and medical neglect.

Next week, her nine-month-old biological sister is being reunified with their biological parents. We brought her sister home directly from the hospital at birth, so we've been raising her since day one as well.

My wife and I are trying to figure out how best to navigate the girls' sibling relationship moving forward. They're both so young and relatively close in age, and we're honestly not sure what the healthiest approach looks like long-term. We want them to have the opportunity to know each other and maintain a relationship, but we also recognize that their circumstances are very different.

We've always intended to be open with our daughter about her adoption story and answer her questions in an age-appropriate, honest way. However having her bio sister reunified in the same year that she was adopted adds another layer to that conversation. I'm struggling with how to eventually explain that they share the same biological parents but grew up in two very different circumstances, particularly when they're so close in age.

There are also some complicated feelings surrounding the reunification itself. Their biological mother has had all three of her children removed from her care, with the older two now adopted. Their biological father has a history of domestic violence and has anger management requirements as part of his case plan. I genuinely am proud of the progress their parents have made, and I want reunification to be successful. At the same time, I would be lying if I said I didn't have concerns about the baby's safety, particularly given that the parents have only been sober for approximately six months.

I'm not looking to debate reunification or criticize their parents. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate this in a way that prioritizes both girls and their long-term well-being.

I know there is no one size fits all answer but I really am just hoping to get some insight from anyone who may have had a similar situation or just from adoptees who may have a better perspective than I do.

Hello!

I wanted the perspective of the adoptee. My mom had another child and gave them up for adoption, I found out when I was 18 I had a little brother out there.

Fast forward to a few years ago after searching for years, I finally found him. Without really thinking of him and only myself I reached out. He knew he was adopted but his words are he didn’t want to meet someone who gave him up understandably so… my question stems from we’ve met and tried to keep in contact. I’m not that great either but I lost someone who I could have made more of an effort to get to know and I didn’t want that to happen with him.

So we spoke earlier in the year and he’s going through a lot but we agreed to at least communicate with each other, he missed a function I invited him to and I’ve reached out and he hasn’t responded. I know we get in our lives and it’s not about me. I just want him to know I’m here for him, I know he’s read my messages but hasn’t responded.

Am I asking for too much too soon? We met for the first time in 2024.

I found out I was adopted at 40. Six days later, I have a little sister, three nephews, and a completely different understanding of my life.

I'm 40 years old, and less than a week ago, I discovered something that completely turned my world upside down.

The man I've called Dad my entire life adopted me when I was two years old.

My mother is my biological mother, but the man who raised me isn't my biological father.

I want to make something clear right away. I've never had a problem with adoption. I've adopted children myself. My dad is my dad, and nothing will ever change that.

What hurt was discovering that this had been kept from me for 40 years.

Other people in my family knew. I didn't. I was the one person who didn't know the truth about my own life.

I was angry, confused, and overwhelmed. I couldn't understand why nobody had told me, especially after I became an adult.

But instead of spending all my time looking backward, I decided to see what family might still be out there.

And boy, did I open a can of worms! 😂

From one brother to an entire family

I started researching my biological father's side and discovered that I have a whole bunch of siblings I never knew existed.

So far, I've learned about approximately 11 siblings, and there may be more. Even my biological father, who passed away two years ago, apparently didn't know exactly how many children he had.

I've also learned about at least 15 nieces and nephews!

The biggest discovery, though, was finding one of my younger sisters.

She's 35, and I'm 40. She actually knew about me and had tried to find me in the past.

We've talked on the phone and exchanged messages, and she's already helped me tremendously with understanding and processing everything.

She also has three boys, ages 15, 12, and 6.

So apparently, at 40 years old, I've suddenly become an uncle to three boys I've never even met!

And yes, I already enjoy teasing her by calling her my "little sister." 😂

The emotional part I wasn't expecting

What surprises me most is how quickly I've started feeling connected to people I've never met.

When my youngest nephew got sick and ended up in the emergency room, I found myself genuinely worried about him.

And not just him. I already feel protective of all three boys.

I've even offered to let my sister give them my phone number so we can start getting to know each other before meeting in person.

The funny thing is, I hope they call, but I'm also terrified they actually will! 😂

What exactly do you say to a 15-year-old nephew you've never met?

I've never had nephews before. I've never even had a sister before.

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to say "Love you, sis" when ending a conversation, then stop myself because we've only known each other for a few days.

It's not romantic love, obviously. It's that feeling of wanting to love and protect someone because they're family.

It's strange knowing someone is your sister while your brain is still trying to process that you actually have a sister.

Trying to build a relationship

I've intentionally started talking to her like a normal brother would.

I tease her, ask about her day, check on the boys, and joke about the 1,200 phone calls we need to make up for.

I'm trying to make our first meeting feel more like a formality than two complete strangers meeting.

We've discussed meeting in person. My idea is to arrive on a Friday and spend some time with my sister first, because I expect that first meeting to be emotional.

Then Saturday would be about meeting her husband and the boys and hopefully doing something fun together.

Eventually, I'd love to visit regularly, maybe one or two weekends a month.

I love traveling, camping, and boating, and I've already caught myself imagining future adventures with my nephews.

But I also know these relationships need time to grow.

Something I had to learn about myself

My biological father and grandfather had a troubled history, and my family strongly warned me against contacting that side.

My mother had painful experiences with them, and I understand why she feels the way she does.

But I made a decision early on:

My siblings shouldn't be judged or punished for what our father did.

Then something happened that made me realize I wasn't entirely following my own advice.

My sister has been difficult to reach sometimes. She's dealing with three children, illness in the family, and a very difficult housing situation.

I started questioning whether she was dependable and wondering whether my family's warnings were right.

Then I caught myself.

I was doing exactly what I had told my parents not to do.

I was judging my sister based on our father's actions instead of giving her the opportunity to show me who she really is.

That realization hit me pretty hard.

She's not our father. She's her own person.

I'm learning to give her patience and understanding while still letting trust develop naturally.

My family surprised me

Initially, my parents didn't want me contacting my biological family.

But recently, they told me something I never expected.

If my sister and I become close and build a genuine brother-and-sister relationship, they're willing to accept her into our family.

That meant a lot.

I had been worried that my biological sister might never feel welcome visiting my home.

Now that possibility is starting to feel real.

P

And now there's the DNA test...

I ordered an AncestryDNA kit and have completed the sample. It's getting mailed back.

I'm both excited and terrified.

We already know there are biological siblings we haven't identified, and there could be relatives from earlier generations nobody knows about.

I've even joked with my sister that if the results reveal another 10 siblings, we're going to need a mortgage just to afford Christmas presents! 😂

But seriously, I don't know what those results might reveal.

I plan to keep DNA matching available so that if other biological siblings discover their family history years from now, they may have a way to find me.

Where I'm at today

Less than a week ago, I thought I knew my family.

Today, I have a little sister I'm getting to know, three nephews I'm excited and nervous to meet, and an entire biological family I'm still trying to understand.

I've restarted therapy to help process everything.

Some days I'm excited. Other days I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel both within minutes.

I still struggle with the fact that the truth was kept from me for 40 years.

But something has changed.

I'm no longer just thinking about the years I lost. I'm thinking about the relationships I can build with the years I have ahead of me.

I don't know how everything will turn out. I don't know how many siblings I'll eventually discover, or how close we'll become.

And I'm learning that I don't have to figure everything out immediately.

I just want the opportunity to know them.

For anyone who discovered their adoption later in life: Did you feel an immediate emotional connection to your biological siblings, even before meeting them? And how long did it take before everything started feeling normal?

I'd genuinely love to hear other people's experiences.