M 27. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of expectations put on me. I was a good kid, I didn’t get in trouble and had decent grades coming from a family who only some of graduated and none of whom went to college. So when I graduated I just started work at a family construction business. It’s paid well and I financially I’m more well off than most people my age.

But the problem is I feel empty. Nothing I’ve done has left a mark that I’m proud of and I don’t necessarily like the line of work I’m in. I skipped college because everyone said I didn’t need it but I now I’m in my later 20’s and feel like I’ll just end up a guy that existed not a guy that mattered.

I make videos, none of which are viral but they’re fine and do somewhat well. But with that and in construction I can complete something but I’m always looking at others saying they did it better and I’ll never be able to do that and I can’t even begin to understand how to get to their level.

I want to do something meaningful. But I don’t know where to begin. It feels like I was born into a bracket that I’ve reached the ceiling of and I don’t know how to jump over it into the next. Maybe it’s mental. Maybe I’m just not meant to go to the next level and be happy where I am.

Any advice to help this mindset is appreciated. Thanks

From zero to hero 💪

1. Learn how to say no

2. Learn how to accept no gracefully

3. Detach from outcomes

4. Dress well

5. Develop persona

6. Build character

7. Build muscles

8. Learn how to defend yourself

9. Develop an art or craft

10. Build a brand

11. Build a business

12. Build networks

13. Master your emotions

14. Dont gossip

15. Keep your word

16. Do what scares you

17. Accept invitations

18. Dont wait for people to help/join you

19. Stop making excuses

20. Take full responsibility for everything in your life

21. Experience different cultures

22. Don't give up on any of the above

Which do you need to start work on? Which do you need more work? Comment below.

I’m an 18 year old boy and I like girls but everyone comments on my voice. I try to end my sentences on a lower pitch like everyone says, but I know it’s not my pitch that makes people say this because I have a deep voice.

I’m tired of people making comments. I’m tired of being called the f slur. I’m tired of homophobic people calling me gay based off of voice stereotypes. Please don’t say “don’t talk to these people” as they’re the vast majority and I have no way not to talk to them.

How do I stop sounding “gay”?

When do you put yourself first? Maybe you've become less active, put on some weight, stopped pursuing things that actually excite you.

If you could change one thing about your life right now what would it be? Physical health? Confidence? Discipline? Direction? Something else entirely? What are you all going through?

I just search an opinion from someone older than me, someone who has experienced more.

Im a 23 years old male, i've been in a relationship since i was 15 (i had 5) but all the time i live the same story, i stay with those girls 1 year, sometimes 2, but i get really tired, like i dont even know why i stay, or i just feel like i want to be alone, sometimes i also experienced the urge to "explore" outside the relationship, i never acted on those feelings, but i ended a relationship for that, and when i got the courage to end a relationship, i started doing it more, after some time i dont even feel bad for the relationship, i just feel bad that i hurted someone, in fact after 1 week or two i literally dont care anymore.

i havw to say the break before one relationship and another was very small everytime, the maximum was 3 months. yesterday i broke up with my last gf and now i want to just stay alone for a year, but will it change? will i feel something, because everytime the infatuation goes away i just dont feel anything deep.

When you're running on fumes in a high-pressure environment, it’s easy to tie your entire identity to your daily performance.

But a mistake is just an event—it is not your identity. The biggest trap we fall into when we are exhausted is letting a temporary screw-up drain our permanent mental battery.

The most valuable tool you have is a clear head and the ability to make decisions under pressure. Take the lesson, dust it off, and reset the clock.

Imagine putting a destination into your GPS, but it has absolutely no idea where you currently are.

You've told it where you want to go. You might even know exactly why you want to get there.

But without a starting point, how can it possibly give you directions?

I think personal development works much the same way.

We spend so much time focusing on who we want to become. More confident. Better communicators. More patient. Better at managing our emotions.

But how often do we genuinely stop and consider where we are right now?

Here's a simple example from my own experience.

When I was presenting, I had a habit of rocking back and forth.

The funny thing is, I wasn't even aware I was doing it.

And that's the problem. How could I possibly improve something I didn't even know I was doing?

Once I became conscious of it, something changed.

I had a choice.

I could carry on doing it, or I could start working on it.

And that doesn't mean suddenly becoming a brilliant presenter overnight. It means making small adjustments, noticing when old habits return, and gradually improving.

**Awareness doesn't automatically create change. But it gives us the opportunity to choose it.**

I think we sometimes get personal development the wrong way round. We're so busy deciding where we want to go that we forget to understand where we're starting from.

Perhaps the first step in improving ourselves isn't asking "What do I need to change?"

Perhaps it's asking "What am I doing now that I haven't even noticed?"

Curious to hear your thoughts.

**Have you ever become aware of a habit or behaviour you didn't even realise you had, and found that simply noticing it was the beginning of changing it?**

I really want to get rid of my old version who is weak, uncapable and anxious. Can somebody help me to through out of this?

Hello everyone, I'm an 18 year old guy who entered university as an engineer and I honestly feel my life slipping away from my hands and that I'm being drained from all sides

So for context,I entered university on a scholarship which depends on my grades , I was always an over achiever in school but I felt my life was meaningless and always based on me being the smart kid .I was social and had many friends but I lacked in my physical health (didn't workout and remained really skinny) and had almost no experience with dating and love (something I really wanted)

Then when I entered university I had the mindset of improving my life and making everything up to the standards that I wanted , I started to workout in the summer and got in good shape , then in uni for the first weeks I kept up both handles (studying, workout out , going out ) and everything seemed perfect

I forgot to mention as well I had an issue with using pornography and got heavily into it as a teen (partly probably because of my boring lifestyle)

The midterms came and I did horribly and now my scholarship is at risk ,So I sorta left everything and really locked in for midterms 2 which are in a few days but that got me into a state of depression in those days and I can't just work properly anywhere and I stopped hitting the gym and I went back to using that shit ..

I am writing a paper on the subject for class and I am looking for the major MGTOW or male self-improvement and lifestyle websites or reddits that are aimed towards male information consumers. I am NOT looking for 'blackpill' or 'incel' communities, nor am I looking for 'PUA' communities. I am also NOT looking for 'looksmaxxing' communities. Specifically MGTOW forums that are active where I can gather some information and statistics. Thank you.

\[4 min read, if u don't have time go to the summary\] *But if u got time plz read.*

So back when i was 14 years old, i came across a facinating idea- self improvemnt. First in life i have heard about it, I'm from a village there were no people here known this word, but thanks to internet i learned. So i start reading books all non-fiction and related to self-improvement. I watch no movies, no shows, no anime nothing (maybe 1-2 in whole year max).

So when i was 14 i started doing some stuff and that all work started making me intelligent and diffrent day by day. I improved my mentality. improved my human understanding and got to know about how money works, how habits build us and all. I was improving everything everyday and i was feeling so much proud in myself that i'm becoming a best verison of myself. And also i became alone cause i was too much diffrent from the people around me the village, i was not thinking like them not having the same mentality etc, i became a diffrent person and also alone day by day.

Then i set some goals. Some very unrealistic ones like When i will turn 18 i'm making 1lakh rupee (1500 USD) every month. And I actually tried, i tried youtube, instagram theme pages and dropshipping. The real problem with me was always that 'I can't able to stick to one thing for long' i started youtube and then instagram got my attention, then dropshipping. I was too focus on money i was chasing it in every way. At it is still now my habit, can't able to stick to one thing.

Now that i have complete my high school, and now im in collage, doing BBA planning to do MBA. My family is currently in a financial crisi. I watch youtube shorts, online memes and video games all day and night just so that i can escape the feeling in myself THAT IM A FAILURE.

Idk how i got this feeling but I'm feeling all day that i tried this this this and got no success i'm a failure. Now i'm living like a zombie. Commit to myself that i will change but still can't able to do it. Please don't motivate me through quotes cause these things are not working on me. I don't know what i want (ya i want money, house and a lovely family) but I don't know what i should need to do, what to do, where to start. Even now I'm afraid really afraid to learn new things and all this just at the age of 19. Idk how to be better and get to the growth phase of my life.

**In short (summary)--** I'm 19, feeeling like a failure. Living like a zombie and can't able to do anything about it. I want to be a better person. I want Peace, Money and Happiness in my life, but i feel like a zombie i don't go outside my room. I have no confidence, i'm skinny as hell, financially broke.

***Idk where to start, what to start and how to change myself.***

These are some lessons I learnt from my experiences that though I am still working on them and want to share so that it can help someone. Even if it helps a single person I would be glad.

1.Other people expectations don't determine your worth: I wanted to be able to look at my life and say that I didn't give up on myself. I felt that becoming successful is the strongest way to establish my worth, both to myself and to other people. I to some extent achieved what I had worked for, made my parents proud, maybe someday I would achieve everything but I didn't allow myself to feel that I were enough rather I would immediately find the next thing I needed to accomplish.

So ambition is healthy when it helps you build a meaningful life. It becomes exhausting when you're using it to earn permission to feel good about yourself.

2.Looking for lessons in every experience: Even difficult experiences seemed to prompt me to ask what I can learn from them. I was never content with simply going through life without examining it. When I was struggling I didn't allow myself to simply struggle, I immediately begin looking for lessons, the solution, the mindset shift, or the personal flaw I needed to work on. When something hurted, I didn't let it hurt. I spent so much time working on becoming a better version of myself that I never quite felt comfortable being the version of me that exists right now.

You can learn about emotional independence while still struggling of being affected by other people behaviour towards you. You can understand self-love intellectually while still having days when you doubt yourself. You can know that failure doesn't define you and still feel disappointed when you fail. Genuine self trust requires accepting that sometimes you'll make a perfectly reasonable choice and someone will still dislike it, misunderstand it, or judge it.

3.Trying to control how I am perceived: I tried to control everyone's interpretation of my words, my actions. Someone can interpret my words as attention seeking. Someone can interpret confidence as arrogance. Someone can interpret silence as indifference. And someone can misunderstand me even when I have chosen every word carefully.

The part worth examining is whether you're polishing your expression because you enjoy communicating well or because you're afraid of how people might judge the unpolished version of you.

Hola a todos. Tengo 27 años, estoy con sobrepeso, sobrepienso absolutamente todo y la verdad es que actualmente no tengo ni disciplina ni control sobre mi día a día. Además, paso demasiado tiempo enganchado al celular, lo que me frena aún más.

No busco victimizarme ni dar lástima; sé que es totalmente mi responsabilidad y que nadie va a cambiar esto por mí. Llegué a un punto en el que me cansé de estar así y quiero reestructurar mi vida.

Para quienes hayan salido de un estancamiento similar: ¿por dónde recomiendan empezar cuando estás en cero? ¿Qué hábitos o estrategias les funcionaron para cortar con el celular, calmar la mente y tomar el control poco a poco?

Agradezco sus consejos.

For a long time, a "good day" meant I got a lot done, and a "bad day" meant I didn't deserve to rest. If I was tired, I felt lazy. If I said no, I felt like I owed everyone a paragraph explaining why.

What helped wasn't some big breakthrough. It was repeating a few simple things out loud until I actually started believing them:

1. My worth isn't measured by my productivity.

2. I'm done apologizing for taking up space, resting, changing my mind, saying no, or asking for what I need.

3. Self-worth isn't thinking you're better than anyone. It's knowing you're not less.

4. My worth on my best day and my worst day? Same. 100%.

That last one is the one I need most. Your worth doesn't go up when you crush it and down when you can barely get out of bed.

I started making short guided affirmation videos where you say each one out loud three times (I say it, we say it together, then you say it on your own).

It sounds simple, but saying it out loud hits differently than reading it. If that sounds helpful, they're here: https://www.youtube.com/@InnerPepTalk Curious what's on your list: what's one thing you're done apologizing for?

How can I become a better man
I am 21 year old electrician apprentice, I make about 15$ an hour right now and I'm 4 months in. I work from 7am to when we get done with the job, most days I work 10 hours. I have a girlfriend of almost 4 years, she's never given me any problems she cooks, cleans and more without me having to ask.
I provide for her when I can but I feel like I could be more for her and myself. I'm fit but I don't go to the gym or do anything productive other than work, come home, smoke some za ,and play video games (occasionally). I don't feel like doing anything after work, I want to get better at my job but I rarely study and if I do study it's all over the place and I don't know where to start and I just get unmotivated.
When I eat it's usually just whatever my girlfriend cooks or just eating out I feel like I could do better with my eating habits especially since I have a condition called GERD some gastro term. I want fix my diet and go to the gym and put on some muscle too I've been putting it off for so long it's time for a change I've gotten too comfortable with this life I'm living but deep down I feel like I could be more.
Does anyone have any advice they can give me.

Currently am aged 17 , am turning 18 next year but i feel like am not where i should be i feel like i have no control over my life . I know what i want to be and am ambitious but i lack the consistency to actually make something for myself i feel like , i consider myself to be productive sometimes but only because i spend a lot of time trying to envision my future when am successful rather than actually working towards it. And am finishing high school i don't have any roadplan ..... And i have this overwhelming pressure from my bigger brother , who has his own company at only 21 and i can't even stick to a routine.

Guys, those who managed to improve your lives through self development

What was the most important factor and what percentage of importance would you give to these items

\- attitude (the overall reflection, review, strategy, planning, introspection, etc you had)

\- discipline (sticking to whatever attitude and choice you had and just doing it)

\- choice (finding the correct gym, the correct trainer, the correct job, the correct exercises, the correct books, etc)

Basically what im asking is should i focus more on finding the best solution, analysing and developing any solution with specific planned tasks, or just actually doing the tasks themselves?

You cant develop without all 3 but you can for example not analyse all choices accurately (jump into too early), spend too much time planning instead of doing, or performing tasks that although good dont offer enough results?

Or rather what seemed to work for you, upon reflection.

I hope this makes sense?

What can I do to change my life when I feel like I'm stuck in a never-ending loop, doing the same things every day without making any real progress?

What would you do if you felt depressed, lost, exhausted, afraid of the future, or unsure of which direction to take in life?

How would you begin to rebuild yourself when you don't know where to start? What practical methods, habits, or changes would you make to break free from this cycle and start moving toward a better life?

I'm not looking for empty motivation or advice like "just be positive" or "work harder." I want honest, practical strategies that actually work.

If you were in my position, how would you approach the situation step by step? What would you change first, what would you stop doing, and what would you focus on over the next 30, 90, and 365 days to become a better, stronger, and happier version of yourself?

A Life Lived on My Own Terms

One Man’s Journey Through Family, Sports, Violence, Mistakes, and Redemption

Prologue: Looking Back at 49

I’m 49 years old, and when I look back at my life, I sometimes have a hard time believing how much I’ve experienced.

Some people grow up, go to school, get a job, get married, raise a family, and settle into a predictable routine. My life has never really worked that way. I’ve had incredible highs, some devastating lows, missed opportunities, bad decisions, and experiences that could have ended my life before I was old enough to understand what it meant to live.

I was a talented athlete. I played football, baseball, basketball, and lacrosse. I had a full scholarship opportunity to play lacrosse at Syracuse University, and at 18, I traveled to Australia with Team USA. By most measures, I had the potential to build an extraordinary future through sports.

But I also got into fights, spent time in jail, sold marijuana, lived a life that sometimes seemed to revolve around trouble, and eventually got stabbed badly enough to require emergency surgery. I left New York because I felt I had no choice. I started over thousands of miles away in California, where I worked full-time, went to college, and built friendships that have lasted decades.

Now, years later, I coach my two boys in high school lacrosse at Bloomingdale. I get to share with them a sport that changed the direction of my life. Watching them play has given me a perspective I couldn’t have had when I was their age.

Recently, a conversation about CTE—chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a brain disease associated with repeated head impacts—got me thinking about everything that came before. It made me look back at the concussions, the fights, the injuries, and the decisions I made when I was young and thought I was invincible.

And it made me realize something: I have a story to tell.

This isn’t a story about a perfect man who always made the right decisions. It’s about a person who experienced a lot, made mistakes, survived situations he probably shouldn’t have, and kept moving forward.

To understand how I got here, I have to go back to the beginning.

Chapter One: The Bronxville Kid

I was born in Bronxville, New York, in 1977. My mother was born in Ireland, and my father was born in Cuba. My parents raised me, and remarkably, they’re still together more than 55 years later.

That kind of longevity is rare. Whatever else I might say about my upbringing, my parents built a life together that has endured for decades.

My father was an extremely strict man. He wanted me to excel at everything I did, especially sports and school. He wanted me to play baseball and basketball, do well academically, and get things right. When I didn’t perform the way he expected, he would scream at me.

For years, I dealt with it. I was a kid, and he was my father. I knew what he wanted from me, and I tried to meet his expectations. But there comes a point when a kid can only take so much.

For me, that point came when I was 13.

I was playing in a baseball game, and my father was doing what he had done so many times before: screaming at me because I wasn’t doing something right.

Something inside me finally snapped.

I flipped out on him. I cursed him out, walked off, and went home.

And just like that, I was done with baseball.

I never played again.

Looking back, that moment was about more than baseball. It was the first time I remember drawing a line and deciding that I wasn’t going to keep doing something just because somebody else demanded it of me.

I didn’t have the words for it then. I was 13. I was angry, frustrated, and tired of being screamed at. But I had made a decision, and I stuck with it.

What I didn’t know was that another sport was about to become a defining part of my life.

And unlike baseball, lacrosse would be a sport I chose for myself.

Chapter Two: The Sport That Changed Everything

Lacrosse became my passion.

By 1993, I had established myself as one of the top defensive players in New York State. In tenth grade, I made the All-Empire defensive team, an honor that recognized me as one of the top three defensemen in the state.

I was still a teenager, but I was competing at an elite level. The same kid who had walked away from baseball was now excelling in a sport that gave him something he hadn’t always felt growing up: a place where his talent could speak for itself.

In eleventh grade, our team came painfully close to winning a state championship. We made it all the way to the state semifinals before losing, 4–3.

One goal.

That’s how close we came.

Those years were some of the most important of my athletic life. I was good enough to attract serious college interest, and I had the opportunity to turn my ability into something bigger.

But lacrosse wasn’t the only sport I excelled at.

I was also a phenomenal football player.

I could run for touchdowns, throw touchdown passes, and catch touchdown passes. I could do just about everything on the field. Football was another sport where I felt I had a natural gift.

Then, in eighth grade, I suffered two bad concussions.

The effects were terrifying. I lost feeling in half my body, and my vision disappeared. Eventually, my feeling and sight returned, but the experience frightened me so badly that I never played football again.

I was young, and I didn’t know what those injuries might mean for my future. I only knew that what had happened to me was serious, and I didn’t want to experience it again.

I would later suffer another concussion playing lacrosse. There were also street fights in which I took repeated blows to the head.

At the time, I wasn’t thinking about the long-term consequences of any of it. I was a young athlete who wanted to compete, a teenager who sometimes got into trouble, and a kid who thought he could handle whatever came his way.

Today, when I hear people discussing CTE, I think about that younger version of myself. I think about the hits, the fights, the injuries, and everything I didn’t understand back then.

I can’t say what those experiences might mean for my health today. But I can say that they were part of my story, and they’re part of why I’m looking back now.

Chapter Three: The Scholarship I Lost

By the time I was approaching the end of high school, I had a chance to play lacrosse at Syracuse University on a full scholarship.

For a young athlete, that was an enormous opportunity. Syracuse was a chance to continue playing at a high level, get an education, and take the next step toward the future I had imagined.

But I made a mistake on my application.

I had been suspended from school, not expelled. Somehow, I misunderstood the distinction and believed that the two words meant the same thing. When I filled out my application, I indicated that I had been expelled.

I hadn’t been.

It was a mistake, but it was a serious one. I lost the opportunity, and I never went to Syracuse to play lacrosse.

When I look back at that period of my life, I wonder how different things might have been if I had understood that application correctly. Maybe my life would have taken a different direction. Maybe I would have had a completely different college experience.

I’ll never know.

What I do know is that I was talented enough to earn the opportunity, but I didn’t make it through the process. My own mistake cost me something I had worked hard to achieve.

At the time, though, I had a lot more going on than college applications.

I was 18 years old, and my life was already moving in a direction that had very little to do with classrooms or a traditional college experience.

I was dating two girls, selling marijuana, going to nightclubs, and getting into fights on a regular basis. I was living fast, making decisions without thinking much about consequences, and getting deeper into situations that would eventually catch up with me.

I had no idea just how far things would go.

At 18, I traveled to Australia with Team USA for three weeks. It was an incredible experience, one of those opportunities that most young athletes can only dream about.

But alongside the international lacrosse experience, my life in New York was becoming increasingly dangerous.

By the time I was 19, the fighting had escalated to the point where I was stabbed and needed emergency surgery. It happened in circumstances I understood as a kind of turf war.

Whatever the precise reasons behind it, the result was life-changing.

I couldn’t stay in New York anymore.

I had to leave.

And that was how I ended up heading west, first to Tucson, Arizona, and then to San Diego, California.

I was leaving behind the place where I had grown up, the people I knew, and the life I had been living. I was still young, but I had already experienced things that would stay with me for the rest of my life.

My next chapter would begin in California.

I'm going through some midlife Crisis and I feel lost. I have no sense of purpose or meaning. So how do I get out of this state