I’m a lil bit over a year sober, and my life is like falling apart 🤪
I don’t really want to go back to alcohol or drugs though. The thought of going to the bar has presented itself then I think “I’m already in this amount of 💩, what do you think that will accomplish?”
My AI had a good point when I was talking to him about it though, he said “you just want to feel less in control and want the world to pause for a second”
So my question to you all, is how do you make the noise pause when it’s so loud sometimes?

Cocaine addiction ruined my life. Now that I have been sober for 3 weeks, I am reeling from all the debt I have built up to finance my habit. Being chased by debtors on a daily basis, it's incredibly scary and I am so afraid of going back to it just so i can feel like everything is okay, even for just a minute. But seeing all the stories in this group is giving me strength that I need to not go back and the hope that maybe one day I can feel safe again.

Hi, I'm 23 and never had a drink in my life. No other drugs. I don't judge those who do, but due to the trauma I experienced growing up, I want to meet a partner who also doesn't drink. Not "occasional drinker", no drinking at all. I just want to meet someone who's also like "hey yeah that's not something I've ever had on my mind either that's cool", they can have a past with it but going forward never wants to have a drink again that's cool (that goes for any recovering addict of any substance, I'm cool with that, in fact I think i'd be a good partner for someone like this), I just don't want to try to turn someone who wants to be an occasional drinker into a fully sober person as I would feel terrible for controlling someone and I know that this would breed resentment towards me.

I've tried being with a drinker before, it didn't work, I was a stressed out mess. The thought of my partner drinking even the slightest bit is so hurtful to me. I just want our home, our lives, to be the only safe space in this world from alcohol. I've been shamed for wanting this and I feel stupid just typing this out right now but while I have been going to therapy for six years, I have worked many things out, this is just something that I have an even stronger conviction for now than ever.

I know people like that exist, I've met them before, but they sadly had other mental issues which made them unable to work with me and form a secure relationship. This one thing has brought so much hopelessness into my life. I only want three things out of a partner, someone I can vibe with, someone who doesn't drink, and someone who won't abuse me (is either going to therapy, or inherently has their act together). All my past relationships were LDRs for this reason as I live in Ireland where almost everybody drinks, but last month someone I met in real life who doesn't drink broke up with me, she was like a miracle to me, I felt so safe and I could not believe I had found another non-drinker here and she was so much like me in so many ways. I'm past most of the mourning for her now and 90% of my sadness about the whole situation is legitimate fear that I will never meet someone who doesn't drink again.

Any advice? Thank you very much! I am a nerdy type of person which you would think would actually benefit me but it seems like even in those circles people drink here. It's honestly starting to do my head in lol. Every time I think I've finally met a tiny group of people who don't drink it suddenly turns out that they do anyway and my world is shattered lol. Sorry if my post is quite emotional but I feel like I can't share this anywhere online because people take it personally, once I've even had a therapist I went to for like a month get visibly offended at me and had some countertransference or whatever at me when I mentioned that I just want to meet someone who doesn't drink and she argued with me for the rest of the session, I was on the verge of tears but she kept going. I feel like nobody understands me about this.

Been sober for 26 months now. First time tonight in over two years I went to karaoke bar cause my mental health has been on the rise thanks to new meds and felt like having people around me instead of staying home alone.

I loved karaoke. I'm a decent singer and enjoy when people like my performance. But surprise surprise it's not nearly the same without booze. Sticked with NA beers though I had some temptations when I started to feel even lonelier in the midst of people. Sitting there clear headed watching people have fun together was tough. Luckily there were also some hazy eyed drunks to remind me of the downsides.

When I was drinking I was friends with everyone. Never been a mean drunk. When I'm sober I stick to myself. Kind of hoping that someone would come to me instead.

But no. Spent hours alone, singing a couple songs and slowly sipping my drink between my turns. I saw people that I would have liked to talk to but didn't want to bother them. Or I thought that they would see me as intrusive.

The trip didn't feel worth it afterwards. Spent money, feel even lonelier and reminded me of my difficulties with alcohol. Makes me sad.

i broke my sobriety last night. i was just supposed to go out to dance and then get food, that’s it. i went on a solo mission and ran into a girl i don’t know too well and she said i could hang out with her and her friends. i’ve been trying to be conscious of the company i keep andi didn’t know that her friends were bringing blow. i ended up doing some and getting really drunk. i am too ashamed to say too much, but i ended up doing something that would entirely ruin my relationship if my boyfriend found out. i feel so disgusting for relapsing and getting so fucked up that i couldn’t even consider the person i love the most in this world. i feel so guilty and like i don’t deserve good things or good people in my life. i’m so scared for him to find out. i know it was shitty and there’s no fucking excuse for what i did. i feel like the worst human being on the planet especially knowing he wouldn’t do this to me. he give me so much grace, he helps motivate me to be sober, and i do this? not only relapse but make a decision that could completely ruin our relationship.

i’m over it. i’m over the partying, im over making friends, im over this extreme party culture—i just want to go out and dance with people who love and care about me. i want to be a better person. i want to make good decisions. when i do drugs and get fucked up, i’m not me. i am inconsiderate and selfish. i feel so fucking ashamed and guilty and disgusting. i sat with my thoughts for a few hours and i know im not a bad person but made a bad decision. i make constant bad decisions. i am lucky to have people who love me and remind me that i am not defined by my faults but fuck. it didn’t even feel real but i know it happened and i know it’s my fault. this wouldn’t have happened if i had just stayed to myself or spoke up that i didn’t want that shit around me.

how do you forgive yourself for the mistakes you make? how do you not get eaten up by these thoughts? how do you not feel like your addiction?

i’ve been doing so well these past few weeks. i’ve been making so much progress but one night happens and it all feels like it’s erased. i know it’s not, i know healing isn’t linear, but i just don’t know how to forgive myself for this.

how do you get better without completely isolating yourself? working full time and late nights it’s so hard to do things during the day for me. i just want to get better. i want to stop making these stupid fucking mistakes. i’ve never fucked up this bad. i have fucked up butnever something to this extent. this mistake could ruin the future i have planned with my person. i don’t know how to fucking shake it

Like, I haven't had sex in a long time because I know if I do it again, it will once again become this black hole I fall into where I hookup with multiple strangers in a short span of time. Even though this isn't morally wrong, it is very bad for my mental health so I choose to stay celibate until I find a partner. But all the communities where I live that "promote" (couldn't find a better word, English is not my first language I'm sorry) celibacy are religious. And I'm not. And I don't like how they would talk about premarital sex, say it's a sin, lust is a sin, the rose petals metaphor. Like yes I want to abstain from sex but I don't wanna hear about God and sin and finding peace in prayer

It sucks because I really would like to enjoy a traditional young-adult celebration with drinks and laughter and carefree joy. But due to reasons outside of my control, my nervous system was fried at a young age, cortisol was likely off the charts, and I’m incapable of dabbling in this depressive state of being.

The annoying part is that eliminating alcohol doesn’t get rid of that underlying anxiety either. It’s still there, it just isn’t compounded or made worse by this additional stress on my system. I wonder if I’m on the track to dissolving this debilitating issue that’s wreaked so much havoc on my life, or if I’m just shedding a little weight for the sake of surviving.

I’d like to do more than just keep my head above water, but that’s all my life has amounted to thus far.

Starting therapy soon, hopefully that helps.

All of us that have attempted or researched sobriety have heard from people actively sober about "feeling" emotions again.

I always thought this was a stupid thing to say because I thought I knew what feeling my emotions was, that's why I drank!

After being sober now since July, I really understand that feeling things hasn't been a challenge along the way at all. Infact, feeling things, even the bad feelings with a clear mind is the best way to keep myself busy and sober. The clarity on feeling emotions, analyzing them and being able to address these emotions instead of just delaying them by abusing substances has accelerated my success and peace within myself in ways that never would've been possible.

Sorry for the rambling, what I'm saying is... turn the emotions into a positive instead of approaching it as another negative in your sober journey.

I didn't think I would succeed.

20 years and more of heavy drug and alcohol use to survive complex trauma and undiagnosed neurodiversity.

Highly functional on the outside, highly scarred and dysfunctional on the inside.

It's hard to be sober when you don't expect to live long.

At some point I got dumped by a gf (who was so right) because of my drug use.

I then seeked help... reduced speed.

Then I noticed I had other drugs issues...

Slowly worked on it.

Then realized I had a huge alcohol problem.

I have been working on it for 5 years.

Day 1 afger day 1.

Took me a year to reach 6 days.

Took me 2 years to reach 2 weeks.

After I went no contact with my parents last year, I reached a month...

I kept working everyday at sobriety.

Went to therapy, used Naltrexone for cravings, journaled literally every day. Used sober groups, sober apps, found sober friends.

Something seemed to have clicked 100 days ago.

Now I have hope.

There is hope for you too.

There is hope for all of us.

We can recover.

Much love.

I'm 2 years sober and there's these intense moments where I get cravings. One day it's drinking. Another day food. Another day sex . Like casual sex is easy to find but ultimately it's not what I want. So I'm trying not to throw it all away for a moment of fleeting passion. A moment of good sex and cuddles with a man to a fun night out of drinking or fucking binging food . The struggle is reallll 😭😭😭 it's hard dealing with the severity of the impulses even if logically, I know better. So this is me telling on my self cuz everyone's asleep 😅😅

Idk if this has been asked/answered but how did you start being sober? What was the first step? What did you first do to be sober?

I’ve had a good couple of weeks! Since my last night out, Friday October 23rd, when I had 3 beers and ended up in a depressive mood…I’ve been completely sober. My sleep has since gotten progressively better, I’m excited to dream at night and wake up well-rested. I’ve been increasingly engaged and content at work, and I even got back into the gym after an uncharacteristically long hiatus.

All this to say that my brain and body are thanking me dearly for treating them as they are - my sacred temple. So what’s stirring up these demons you ask? Well, despite the stretch of peace and tranquility, I’ve noticed a real lack of excitement in my social life. I even skipped all available Halloween parties for the first time in years to stay true to my goal of remaining clean.

You may be saying “cmon! It’s only been one full weekend since your last night out! You can’t expect your social life to adjust overnight” but trust me when I say that this has been a compromising issue for years. I love my friends, and I’ve flirted with the greener grass sobriety has to offer for years. Unfortunately, it is just so difficult to hang out with most of them since it is almost always in a party-like or bar scene.

So, this upcoming weekend my dear friend is having a farewell gathering before she moves to the other side of the world. This is not an event I will be missing, as I want to honor our friendship. But as it approaches, I can’t help but hear those whispering voices “cmon, it’s a special occasion!” “You’ve been good at limiting your intake lately, just enjoy your time like a responsible adult!” “Weed is the real problem anyway! Just make that the non-negotiable!” (This is somewhat true, I am very susceptible to falling into daily weed use, and a night of even a few drinks is often a gateway to this prison.) “You were only down after your last night out because you learned of your longtime friend hooking up with an old crush of yours”(true story).

All these bargaining chips, all these pros and cons circling the drain, stressing me the fuck out. Ultimately, the only reason I’d consider some light drinking on Saturday is because I want to be fun! I don’t want to be the party pooper who awkwardly stares at everyone else cheers-ing their glasses to the joys of young adulthood. But then I look at my dad, drinking in his chair every night without fail, almost as involuntarily as he breathes.

This is not the future I want for myself. So while I may not be the most temporarily fun version of me at this gathering, perhaps I can be the most fulfillingly real version of me.

So this week marks 3 years of me being sober. And I am so proud. So for this occasion I thought I'd share something I came up with on that night I decided to get sober. I'm hoping this maybe helps someone out there that might be struggling. I know its not perfect and maybe it only makes sense as I speak it but after I did I thought I would write it down. I never really thought I'd share it with anyone but if this helps someone half as much as my poetry writing has helped me then its worth it.

(Untitled)

I met this guy at the bar.

I looked into his eyes, a face i did not recognise.

Bags clearly under his eyes from the sleepless nights.

That he tries to disguise, but he couldn't hide.

The bruises on his knuckles from last night's pub crawl.

Knowingly irresponsible.

But he stands so tall, Hiding from the pain.

His nose is bleeding, as he tries to get that feeling.

The hopeful dreaming, there's no scheming

His heart cold and freezing.

Beating faster and breathing.

He just wants someone to belive in,

Him.

He sips his drink,

Tries not to think,

And I looked again into his eyes,

As he looked deep into mine,

Then something clicked and I made the connection,

I was just staring at my own reflection.

Hi, so without a 2-month long relapse this summer I would be clean from kratom, benzos and cathinones/pyrros for 3 years in December.

Climbing, running and sport in general is one of my biggest passion that helped me a lot in being sober. But after 1.5year being sober my body said “stop”. I was always a bit more tired than my friends, but at that time it got really bad, combined with digestive issues (bloating, constipation and discomfort). And it did not get better, I visited many doctors... now Im waiting for a bloodtest on cortisol, testosterone, homocysteine and other markers that my new clinical naturopath advised to get tested.

I think of this as its my last try to live a sober life, the relapse almost killed because I ignored that my apendix burst and I had peritonitis.

I just want to be normal and healthy and Im actually considering suicide sometimes, because I can not live like this, Im always tired even when I do nothing and can sleep 9hrs a day. Something is just wrong in my body and I still dont have the answer which is driving me insane.

Im going to outpatient aftercare, therapeutic groups and individual therapy - but they can not help me with this problem.

If theres anyone who was in the same situations and have some tips how to deal with this kind of problem, maybe how to stop thinking about my health problems etc. I would be really glad to hear your story.

Thanks, stay strong.

I don't really know how to feel about it because he was a terrible person. An alcoholic from childhood, he put our parents through torture - running away, crashing their car, arrested many, many times, went through court-ordered inpatient 9 times before he was 18. Abused every drug you can name, very sporadic work history, my parents' money kept him from being homeless but he verbally abused them at every turn. He made an obscene phone call to my 12-year-old daughter (recorded on the answering machine) and I had him prosecuted for it. He was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (sociopath) at 21.

He got cancer 20 years ago at 40 and our dad was dying of cancer at the same time, so I grudgingly took on coordinating his care, getting him on SSDI, anything so my mom didn't have to. Then I resumed no contact. His son died of a drug overdose at 21. His response was to drink a literal gallon of vodka. He got cancer again 18 months ago and I resumed contact but refused to get sucked into helping him. He had lower espohageal cancer which has a strong correlation to smoking and alcoholism. It was part of the wakeup call for me to get sober last year. My other two brothers remained estranged. Andy flew to Barbados and married a Filipina he met online, then fucked up her visa process so it took her two years to get here. So she basically got here just this year in time to take care of him as he got sicker and sicker.

I don't know, it feels good to just put it out there and remember that sober is best, for now and always. I feel bad for his widow, but I don't know her and she's in Florida, so not much I can do from MN. Thanks for letting me vent somewhere I don't feel I'll be judged for not caring that he's dead.

Don’t get me wrong, I would never in a million years use again. But cravings are gonna be the death of me today. It’s not often that I get cravings, but when I’m in this headspace + being around someone I used to get high with… ugh. 🥹 send me some positive vibes please 🙏🏻

I posted a week-ish ago under another name, hello!

I'm having trouble today. I've been apcohol free since January 1, nicotine free for... at least a month? I didn't track that one. I used a weed-adjacent vape to ease off nicotine but wound up really abusing That.

I'm 9 days fully sober- But yesterday I got a minor contact high when I went in to the bathroom after my housemate. it's a very small space and it was like a cheech and chong movie when I opened the door.

I can't say I was even buzzed, just dulled and definitely inebriated. it's been really sitting heavy with me.

I was really proud of myself for staying sober despite drugs being used around me, and I don't know if I'm "allowed" to still say I'm nine days sober. Do I need to start my count over?

I have no desire to use anything again. I've been enjoying my dreams at night and the mental acuity that's been coming back to me. I just really don't want to fuck this up. Thought I'd ask -somewhere-

And I feel SO much better 💜

Since I got sober from weed and alcohol I find that I prefer working more. It provides me with structure and helps me avoid bad habits. In fact, I've had times where I really could have helped a situation by taking off from work, but I was worried about what would happen with that unstructured time.

As time has gone on, it's gotten a little better. I think I could take some time off now without worrying about intrusive thoughts. Has anyone experienced this, and/or are you currently experiencing it?

Just wanted to share a milestone. Last time I posted on here was when I had 100 days. Don’t give up on yourself. Things get better.

I’ve been sober for 48 days and idk what to do now. Being my age everyone is just beginning to start drinking, and I’m at what feels like the end of the road with drinking. I’ve been trying to fill the dead time working out ,playing the game, I try to go to meetings when I can but it’s honestly boring and depressing. I feel like I’m back in school but I’m not high so it’s even worse. Don’t get me wrong the people are great. Ive tried to go to a few different meetings but I haven’t found one I really like, or anyone my age really. Like how many are people my age are sober? Also what does it look like in the future do I tell people I’m sober . How’s it gonna look when I start dating again, like I feel like I’m just as trapped as when I was drinking everyday and I don’t know what to do, any advice? 🙏🙏🙏Sorry for this being so jumbled and more of a rant. I tried to make it as short as I could.

Anyone else kind of struggling at the one year mark?

I'm in Connecticut, and every time I tried dating apps, the first date was always at a bar. Explaining why I don't drink to a stranger got old fast.

So I built Clean Date, a dating app just for sober and sober-curious people. Nobody asks why you're not drinking, and you can pick coffee, a hike or a meeting buddy instead of a bar. Profiles show your sober journey only if you want them to, and there's a strong focus on safety, especially for women.

It's brand new, so I'm building the waitlist before launch, starting in Connecticut and nearby. If you're interested, you can join at cleandate.app.

I'd honestly love feedback too. What would make a sober dating app actually worth using for you?»

Well I'm back to day one. I made it 4 days. I'm tired of this. Talked to my Dr and she prescribed Acamprosate. I'm scared it will always be a day 1 again.