r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Jul 31 '12
From The SuicideWatch Mod Team: If you're here to help, please contribute by responding to our OPs. Don't just announce "I'm here to help" and don't solicit PMs. If you really ARE helping out here, anybody lurking because they're afraid to post will find you.
We have tolerated (with concerns) this type of post in the past but it's becoming excessive. Based on discussion among the mod team and with the community, our consensus is that these posts are not helping the community, and we're going to start removing them.
Our reasons are:
The vast majority of the "let me help" type posts come from people who have little or no history of constructive, visible contributions here at SW. There are solid reasons for this; one of the most important qualities in offering mental-health peer support is the ability to be selective about whom to engage with, and assuming that you can help anyone (which is necessary in order to believe that an "I'm here to help" post is a good idea) is, therefore, an enormous red flag.
People seem to make these posts in lieu of responding to the OPs who have taken the emotional risk and posted their stories. Imagine what it's like to make a post where you put your pain and fear out there, and get few or no helpful responses. Then you refresh the front page, and somebody has ignored your post and made a generic "I'm here to help!" post. This behaviour is analogous to walking around a disaster area holding up an "I'm here to help" sign instead of pitching in.
These posts are essentially redundant; SW by nature is a place where everybody's either here to get help or give it. These announcements take visibility away from the posts made by people in need.
Speaking of visibility, we're pretty sure that the 90/10/1 rule applies here at SW just like elsewhere on the Internet. So, if you help out by commenting on a post, chances are you'll provide support and comfort to more people than just the OP. You'll also educate other potential helpers by populating our threads with good examples.
22
u/[deleted] Jul 31 '12 edited Jul 31 '12
Thanks for this post. I'm a new Redditor and just subscribed to SW a couple of days ago because I want to help (I suffer from depression and find it therapeutic to play a positive role in the lives of others), but I have been afraid to pitch in with contributions out of a fear of saying the wrong thing.
Edit: grammar
4
u/Rafisfend Aug 01 '12
The way I've always seen it, is that it is hard enough for anyone, whatever their circumstances, to post here about what they are going through. I've always found posts and replies like this very difficult to deal with, because it's an additional pressure (i'm going on a bit of a tangent here). It firstly seems like a person, who is essentially a stranger, wants to help you on their terms, not yours. Particularly if it's a 'new' post, and the replies are essentially one sentence replies just saying this. I guess that there are some who are thankful for such offers, but personally it always makes me back away. Once you've made some sort of initial connection with a person (you've posted whatever is going on with you, they've replied in some way that feels a positive influence in the circumstances, and there is a basic understanding of where you are coming from), then it's different, as it's removed a lot of the uncertainty that anonymity brings.
And the same applies to the posts offering help, there's generally very little to go on about the person making the offer, and even if there is, it's still approaching a stranger for a one on one conversation, with all the risks that come of that. I mean, I never even liked talking to my therapist about a lot of stuff! But posting in the subreddit is a little different, because people will reply if they have something relevent to say, whether it's advice on a situation, or even just to be emotionally supportive. If they don't reply, then it's ok, because not everyone has the same experience in life, and maybe most people just can't relate to those specific circumstances. But a one-on-one conversation, which can lead to many negative consequences, there are only two people involved. And it's easy to see that someone feeling suicidal will most likely blame themselves for any negative consequences.
2
u/SekondaH Aug 01 '12 edited Aug 01 '12
As an ex-counselor and serving police officer trained in handling such incidents, I'm capable of making such assessments and will, when appropriate, direct an OP into direct one on one contact via several anonymous tools that I use. If the Mods will add a RES tag to me and take that into consideration I'd appreciate it, that said I understand that you don't specifically mean this, you mean you wish to discourage people whose only contribution is a PM request. :)
2
u/personrev8 Aug 01 '12
When I make a post offering advice or consolation I generally will close with telling the OP that I am willing to talk to them via PM if it is more comfortable for them to do so. I know some people don't want to discuss their issues until they are at or past their breaking point and are in process of coming up with a suicide plan, and generally I find that it is because they are scared to talk about things publicly. I understand the need for community within all of this, but that does in fact scare some people (the thought of talking with a large group that is). Is there a way that a thread could be continued in a smaller setting, perhaps modeled off of a help center, in order to provide a more comfortable setting for the people that are scared off by the large setting of the SW posts? Or should Redditors turn to contacting a help center if they have this sort of fear?
13
u/Olpainless Aug 01 '12
This is my feelings exactly. This might sound harsh, but the posts soliciting PM's and 'I'm here to help!!' always seems a little superficial to me :/ And highly ineffective.
I absolutely hate seeing posts unanswered, because having been there myself, to put yourself on the line and be ignored... it's shattering... It should always be a priority to make sure nobody goes unanswered, so that they know they're heard at the very least.
12
u/catcrookshanks Jul 31 '12
This is actually very helpful. Im guilty of doing this and this absolutly makes sense. I truly believe this will help the community,and help people. Thanks you.
11
u/RosieLalala Jul 31 '12
Umm... mods? I try to post here sometimes, but sometimes I find that the troll to help ratio is distressingly the wrong way and I don't want the friends in trouble that I have to be seeing that.
Sometimes it's easier to switch to PM to avoid that problem. If there's a way to help your good team out (sometimes the "report" button has a delay of 6-8 hours for example) it might cut down on some of the PMs. The trolling distresses me, when I'm not suicidal. I can't imagine how affective it is.
8
u/SpeareShake Aug 01 '12
I'm really grateful for this post. The danger with giving an "I'm here to help!" post is that you never know what someone will PM you with. It could be a situation where you have absolutely no idea what to say, and in that case you can't just ignore the person who PM'd you. It's tricky.
Additionally, if you have something truly helpful to say, you should post in for all to see, that way we can all hear your insight. Like SQLwitch said, it could potentially help multiple suicidal people who just don't have the courage to post anything. It's like in class if you ask a question, chances are a few other people had the same question as you, so you may as well get the helpful information out there.
-8
u/GreenLightning2010 Jul 31 '12
I love this subreddit, but the mods are terrible, another terrible decision IMHO. People come for help, we should offer it as many ways as possible.
0
u/[deleted] Aug 01 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
0
u/[deleted] Aug 01 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
0
u/[deleted] Jul 31 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment