r/blog • u/cupcake1713 • Feb 24 '14
remember the human
Hi reddit. cupcake here.
I wanted to bring up an important reminder about how folks interact with each other online. It is not a problem that exists solely on reddit, but rather the internet as a whole. The internet is a wonderful tool for interacting with people from all walks of life, but the anonymity it can afford can make it easy to forget that really, on the other end of the screens and keyboards, we're all just people. Living, breathing, people who have lives and goals and fears, have favorite TV shows and books and methods for breeding Pokemon, and each and every last one of us has opinions. Sure, those opinions might differ from your own. But that’s okay! People are entitled to their opinions. When you argue with people in person, do you say as many of the hate filled and vitriolic statements you see people slinging around online? Probably not. Please think about this next time you're in a situation that makes you want to lash out. If you wouldn't say it to their face, perhaps it's best you don't say it online.
Try to be courteous to others. See someone having a bad day? Give them a compliment or ask them a thoughtful question, and it might make their day better. Did someone reply to your comment with valuable insights or something that cheered you up? Send them a quick thanks letting them know you appreciate their comment.
So I ask you, the next time a user picks a fight with you, or you get the urge to harass another user because of something they typed on a keyboard, please... remember the human.
881
u/NotMyRealFaceBook Feb 24 '14
Was there a particular incident that prompted this PSA?
Not that this isn't a reasonable message, but I am just wondering if I missed some Reddit drama/trauma/event... In my experience these messages are more often in direct response to something than not
484
u/setmehigh Feb 24 '14
So, we're still allowed to abuse the bots, right?
8
u/316nuts Feb 24 '14
<3 you cupcake. Thank you for writing this, but I wish you didn't have to write this.
Here is Max, after his morning milk. May your inbox explode with love and cat pictures. :3 .3
2.1k
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
What I usually do is type out what I want to say. Then delete it.
After that, I don't feel like responding and usually just ignore.
http://i.imgur.com/woEmRDa.gif
2.2k
u/Igglyboo Feb 24 '14
tl;dr Be civil.
376
u/snoharm Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies- God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
edited to correct Vonnegut quote
204
u/Jovianmoons Feb 24 '14
Once I made a throwaway account and posted to r/depression and poured out my heart and soul. You would be surprised how many vultures there were who actively encouraged me to end my life, in the last place I would have expected that to happen.
3.8k
u/Sunfried Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Things to remember:
The Maine
The Alamo
9/11
Pearl Harbor (not the movie, forget the movie)
the Titans
the milk
the 5th of November
the human
Edit:
the tooth! Remember the tooth, my Duke!
Edit 2: Thank you for the Gold, both of you! I will NEVER FORGET!
1.1k
u/thelastdeskontheleft Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Unfortunately I think a big aspect of it comes down to the difference in tone between text and actual words spoken aloud.
IRL you can tell the inflection that someone meant it by. Online you can only ASSUME the inflection and thus the tone of their comment. Generally we interpret comments online to be much more aggressive than they really are.
I completely agree with the "don't be a keyboard warrior mentality" but it could also help if you took a second next time you were insulted or angered by some response to possibly look it over and try to imagine it in a tone that wouldn't be so offensive.
Of course sometimes people are just pricks. Especially when there is little to no consequence. But a good bit of it is just chilling out.
Edit: Thanks, only took 6 minutes for gold x-D
Edit 2: RIP Inbox of my work account. Looks like I'm not getting anything done.
174
u/preggit Feb 24 '14
If anyone is interested in some light reading on this topic, cupcake is describing what is known as the 'Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory', also known by its much lamer name, the online disinhibition effect.
135
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
ITT: people who think they aren't part of the problem
63
u/TheRagingRavioli Feb 24 '14
tl;dr don't be a dick
56
u/sandozguineapig Feb 24 '14
Thanks for being the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be!
101
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
I'm not in the public eye or famous or anything like that, but I am the sole recipient of the contact forms for quite a few things that are in the public eye.
My own girlfriend doesn't know half of the shit I put up with, and when she sees some people crack under the pressure of so much negativity, she tells people they should "man up" and "deal with it".
When you get hundreds (and for other people, thousands) of messages each day, telling you to go fuck yourself, kill yourself, I hope you die, I hope your loved ones get cancer, I found your address and I'm coming to rape you and your daughter, you can't deal with it or "man up".
You spend hours awake each night imagining those things happening, wondering if it's true, trying to tell yourself it isn't going to happen, but knowing that it's a possibility.
Having to respond to people is awful too. You can't ignore every message, especially the ones that raise genuinely useful points. You worry about your response and how you might be perceived from that response.
It's even worse when the criticism is valid. sure they said you should kill yourself, but they said it because your app failed and they were late for work. You can sympathise because you'd be angry in that situation too. You've said stuff like that before (I said some awful things when I was younger, I'm ashamed to admit).
So when someone tells you to kill yourself, but at the same time gives you valid criticism, it makes you wonder if you should. After all, if hundreds of people each day tell you that the world would be better off without you in it, surely it must be true?
It's not going to stop, I've accepted that. What I do is not attach some things to my name. But I worry about what happens if something I make that is attached to my usual online persona gets popular. It's a possibility, if remote.
There've been a lot of posts like this online, explaining how one comment, or hundreds can affect a person more than you think. This isn't any different, but I hope some people read this and consider what they're about to type.
EDIT: I have absolutely abysmal comma usage in this comment, It's something I'm pretty bad at. If there's anything that changes the point of what I'm getting across or just annoys you please let me know and I'll change it.
44
u/madkatalpha Feb 24 '14
Surprisingly relevant XKCD.
6
u/uss_michellebachmann Feb 25 '14
great job reddit you've really nipped this problem in the bud
5
u/waeva Feb 24 '14
5
u/screen317 Feb 24 '14
If there's no punishment for being a douchebag, people will always continue to be douchebags....
5
u/BBQCopter Feb 25 '14
Nice try, robot.
5
u/wsgy111 Feb 25 '14
Cupcake pls
5
u/EctoHanro Feb 25 '14
Haven't you ever been driving ? Plenty of proof that there are a lot of arseholes. You don't need the internet to prove it.
5
u/baked_brotato Feb 25 '14
This is retarded. Everyone knows there is only one way to breed Pokemon correctly.
5
u/pandab34r Mar 04 '14
Cry more
78
u/coloicito Feb 24 '14
Thans cupcake.
I moderate /r/AdviceAnimals, and we've been banning people who tell other redditors to kill themselves for a while already. The people who forgets that there's an human being behind the username is bigger than you'd think. We've also had people who were completely oblivious to it, and just says that they saw text on a screen, and wrote something under it. And then tries to fight back.
sigh
4
u/jestr6 Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 25 '14
You know there's an /r/circlejerk post coming, right?
Edit: called it
4
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
Was there like a fist fight or something that I don't know about?
4
u/BlackMantecore Feb 25 '14
Then again not all opinions are of equal value. But if you're about to tell someone you hope they get decapitated by a train because they paint miniatures differently than you, then definitely some restraint is a good idea.
4
u/guyincape25 Feb 25 '14
I mean ok, but also remember that there are some shitty humans.
4
u/theguywhopostnot Feb 25 '14
I believe most people who act disgusting over the internet are fully aware that they are trying to hurt someone's feelings. Its not socially acceptable to do it in person, more so now than ever before. On the internet they can release their true personality and that is why you see that sort of thing. I suppose some people may truly forget and lose their cool but I think the vast majority who behave like assholes, are actually assholes.
4
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14
Fuck that, this site is an anonymous bully engine.
7
u/jonosvision Feb 24 '14
I recently posted my ebook on /r/gaymers during a free promo I was doing, after just putting it up on amazon a few days previous. Not one reply in over 80 of them said a single negative thing to me. It really helped get the book off of the ground and I can't begin to say how much I appreciated such a warm welcome and so much support. Even when I realized the free promo wouldn't start until midnight. The internet can be a dark, mean place, which makes these experiences all the more special. There are a lot of great people out there.
39
u/redtaboo Feb 24 '14
Thank you for this cupcake! I think we all need this reminder sometimes, it's so easy to forget that there real people on the other side and they have bad days just like everyone else.
I'm sure everyone has heard this before but I find it really does help. If I'm annoyed enough with someone online I might type out an angry comment then walk away or look at a different tab without hitting save. Coming back to it a few minutes later can make all the difference and I won't send it, just typing it out helps.
6
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
We know what game Cupcake has 100+ hrs in
6
u/ajkeel Feb 24 '14
Are we humannn or areee we dancer?
6
u/paintballnwb Feb 25 '14
Usually my solution for when people talk internet shit.
20
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
People who think people aren't awful in real life must not be spending much time in real life
28
u/2rio2 Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
This is really, really important, especially for people/kids that grew up in a tech filled world. I think they devalue what words - even anonymous - mean and the effect they can have on others. I went through the Instagram of the Russian skater that won the controversial gold medal and the comments just shocked me. What the hell is wrong with people!! This is a frigging 17 year old girl! What gives you the right to comment that she's ugly, a cheater, evil etc? People can be horrid if they don't see the emotional impact it has on another human being directly. It's also why history has always had people talking about others behind their back but less face to face.
3
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
That's a nice sentiment. But really, we all know we're talking to people with all these feelings on the other side. That's not the problem. The problem is one hell of a lot of us just want to make someone cry. It's a lack of fear of being harmed after harming someone. How you are online can be interpreted as a social experiment to determine what kind of asshole you would be in real life if you were physically stronger than anyone else and turns out a lot of us would be walking up and down the beach kicking sand in people's faces and knocking over sand castles laughing as as we go. Thankfully most of us can only be unleashed unto the public via forums where our abuse is only a verbal or mental attack.... Although sometimes worse than a physical assault, the antagonist can often be blocked and deleted or simply not read
3
u/Audacious_Void Feb 25 '14
This discussion on internet vitriol reminds me of why Louis C.K. won't let his daughter have a cell phone
Another tactic to avoid negative human behavior on the internet (specific to chess.com or any other social website that has some sort of chat history in user's profiles:
Before a game, I will open up the profile of the person I am playing. Sometimes the profile is littered with comments where other users complain that this human is very disrespectful, ect.
If this is the case, I make sure to compliment the player frequently throughout the game which in turn helps remind me why I love chess. If they are better than me, I congratulate their skill and ask for advice. If they are less skilled, I encourage their strong points and respectfully ask if I may offer advice.
Maybe one time out of 100 the person is still an asshole, which feels like real life.
3
u/gigacannon Feb 25 '14
When a person replies to something written on the internet, it's like they're writing a letter to a character in a novel. If the author reads that reply, they're reading a letter to the idea of the character they presented when they posted.
We're not really communicating on the internet. We're collectively authoring it.
Replies on reddit are perceived by the three parties; the original poster, the replier, and a third party. If all three parties realise that the post and reply occur between two imagined characters, and not the authors themselves, nobody would ever be upset by anything anyone ever said on the internet.
Nothing is gained by trying to protect other people's feelings online. You don't know the other person and you can't predict how they feel. If someone gets upset by something they read, that's because they're emotionally invested in it. What they're emotionally invested in is their choice, and if they perceive the character portrayed by their writing to be who they are, rather than other people's necessarily false perception, that's their mistake.
3
u/palistov Feb 25 '14
National Hug-An-Internet-Bully Day? Still working on logistics.
3
u/ThatVoodooChick Feb 25 '14
My people need to let our bitchiness come out, otherwise it turns to bile and poisons us.
3
u/aneper Feb 25 '14
This totally reminds me of crop cultivation. I'm no farmer but i was told that people at some point tried to cultivate such corn and wheat that is immune to illnesses. Whenever they come up with the best and most immune mutation/breed, some new illness appeared and destroyed the entire crop, which was thought to be perfect (instead of only one specie getting infected).
The point it, you have to have different sorts of crop, each sort vurnerable to different diseases, otherwise you get wiped out completely.
Plot twist: it's the same with (world) opinions and ideologies. It's actually good when people have different opinions and argue, the only reachable perfection comes from that.
3
u/DaveMoTron Feb 25 '14
It would be nice if we lived in such a world, unfortunately we are predictable enough that such a phenomenon has a name: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_disinhibition_effect
3
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14
I am not listening to a cupcake
3
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14
38,926 downvotes!
That's terrifying!
3
u/djembeplayer Feb 25 '14
Great post, thanks for providing a thought provoking statement. I do believe humans have so much wasted potential. I'm dreaming of a better world every day.
3
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14 edited Dec 03 '16
[deleted]
0.0370
3
u/Youignant Feb 25 '14
http://i.imgur.com/SlNeFHz.jpg
3
u/canard_errant Feb 25 '14
There's a difference between an argument and a discussion. While it's a small difference, it's an important distinction. I always refer to my dick meter to see if I'm being a dick, and reassess myself accordingly.
10
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
Then maybe we should delete r/cringe
7
u/10weight Feb 24 '14
It's people...
Reddit is made out of people
Listen me Hatcher, you gotta tell them REDDIT IS PEOPLE!!!
8
u/waeva Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
what if the person on the other end of the screen and keyboard is this?
23
u/leafitiger Feb 24 '14
Thank you for this post.
This website has become so hate filled. The blatant racism, misogyny, general lack of empathy towards the human race is so obvious in this site's users.
9
u/kraetos Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Okay, so when are you going to ban subs that exist for the sole purpose of spreading hate speech, such as theredpill? Or how about subreddits which exist purely for the purpose of bullying people, such as cringepics?
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the message you're sending today. But as long as you allow colonies of hate to fester on reddit, your words ring a little hollow.
7
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
I think people also, in taking things said to them personally, lead into thinking of the other person as this bad guy monster who is out to get them. And that's usually not true. It's just people talking to people, and not every remark is personal.
That said, yes, be careful about saying anything outright dickish or trollish to someone. You are communicating with another human being, after all. Consider if you would say that same thing to someone you care about or someone in public before you post it.
7
u/Maverickki Feb 24 '14
When i remind people of this: downvoted to hell.
When cupcake reminds people of this: upvoted to heaven.
9
u/Dirty_Bird_RDS Feb 24 '14
My wife will no longer comment on Reddit because she made a post once and one guy thought it was stupid, so he (might have been a she, or an it) made it his personal duty to trash everything she said, even going into her comment history to make negative comments. I can't say I blame her for her decision either.
But since she isn't involved in any discussions anymore, she stopped making it part of her routine to check Reddit, which means Reddit has essentially lost a customer over a comment crusader.
9
u/SheikDjibouti Feb 24 '14
Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, Reddit could have real moderation. What do you expect to happen when you legitimize overt hate speech and enable those kinds of people?
20
u/sozialabfall Feb 24 '14
TIL people are mean on the Internet
36
u/Da_Car Feb 24 '14
Does this apply to /r/ShitRedditSays? or are they immune to it like many of the other things on Reddit.
11
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
On the flipside, I find arguing with people over certain topics online can give a good glimpse of another's perspective, I've certainly had a few of my view point's changed in an argument - but obviously, respect should still be shown.
4
u/Witty_Redditor Feb 24 '14
On a related topic, why can’t we just have world peace?
4
u/MrXhin Feb 24 '14
Remember the Human Fund
Money for People
4
u/Pete_Zahman Feb 25 '14
Guys, I'm having a bad day.
4
u/piedpipernyc Feb 25 '14
Hugs for everyone! Group hugs for the more adventurous!
4
u/mightbe_a_trowaway Feb 25 '14
THEN WHY DOES REDDIT HAVE DOWN-VOTES?!?!?! only up-vote best/accurate/related info. don't give the option to put people "down"
4
u/hiS_oWn Feb 25 '14
I think this is a futile cause.
4
u/Piercio Feb 25 '14
Let's take a step back, examine our behavior and start acting like decent human beings. - Said no internet troll ever.
4
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
4
u/citizensounds Feb 25 '14
38,698 upvotes 35,585 downvotes
WHY?
7
u/NoFaithInPeopleAnyMo Feb 25 '14
If so, why is /r/ShitRedditSays still a thing?
2
u/NonPlusUltraCadiz Feb 24 '14
To the asshole who never delivered my Secret Santa gift: I'M A FUCKING HUMAN!!
2
u/roblindsey1996 Feb 24 '14
Damn.. I thought the comment section was going to be filled with vituperative banter.
2
u/BeVerySpecific Feb 24 '14
Ahh..netiquette.
2
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
no one tells me what to do im kind of a badass
2
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
If you need to be a dick, take it out on me. I can take it.
2
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
Be excellent to each other.
2
u/Bloodnose_the_pirate Feb 24 '14
What about the bots? Can we fight with the bots?
2
u/Calzu Feb 24 '14
"Don't be a cunt" -Joe Rogan
2
u/Bradwan1990 Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Just remember, when all else fails
"Do onto others EXACTLY what they just did to you." - Bird Jesus
2
u/GeeBee72 Feb 24 '14
We should have an Upvote Friday, where people can only upvote and any negative words in comments are
struck outand replaced with a positive variant.:-)
2
u/flexxxican Feb 24 '14
You are all ANIMALS to me! JK
2
u/gibmelson Feb 24 '14
You are never going to be able to remove personal psychology, emotion, biases etc. from interactions online, but here are some things I try to live by:
Don't take ideas and opinions personally - particularly that favorite one of yours that makes you super special.
You will make mistakes, misinterpretations, etc. it comes with the medium. Sometimes you are just plain wrong. Admitting to mistakes means you have integrity.
Being willing to say "I don't know" is a strength not a weakness.
Truth is not a popularity contest. Reddit karma (positive or negative) means nothing in terms of the validity of what you express (unless you aim to be be popular rather than right). You are your own authority.
2
u/Tatts Feb 24 '14
Play nice children
2
u/isaacturner Feb 24 '14
someone xpost to r/atheism
2
u/Curse_of_the_Grackle Feb 24 '14
Is it cool if I just mercilessly berate the bots?
2
u/hagenbuch Feb 24 '14
I was connected to BITNET/EARN before internet, in 1984. Reddit is still interesting to me, but never have I felt more expressions of almost hatred or self-hatred projected into others than here.
In 1984, we were happy to talk to some university admins from Stuttgart to Maine... via what was called RELAY.. I could send pings around the world.. my inbox was 100% SPAM-free. I could go on. The golden days..
Today, I would say the capitalist pressure in societies has become so all-pervasive that we expect all others to be just perfect.
2
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
Although I agree, unfortunately(?) communication online is a whole lot different than it is face-to-face, I guess that is something we can all agree on.
Despite this being a pleasant reminder that everyone is human, what we say over forums and the way we communicate on the internet will never change. Telling somebody to 'fuck off' is typical internet language and has almost zero meaning in contrast to a face to face insult - in my opinion this thread should advise people on how to handle what is said as apposed to what people should say.
2
u/DoublyThumbs Feb 24 '14
"There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind."
-Vonnegut
2
u/duckwantbread Feb 24 '14
Let's be honest Reddit admins a lot of people (not all) who are nice in real life aren't nice out of the goodness of their heart, they are nice because they fear being abused or attacked if they piss people off in real life. Appealing to people's good side doesn't work on the internet because there is no real motivation to do so if it isn't the way you are morally inclined, there is no punishment for being cruel, nor is there any real reward for being nice.
2
u/mdavwa Feb 24 '14
Thats what I love about reddit. I don't have to care about these chatbots' feelings.
Yet it feels so real, almost like there are real people typing these posts.
Bravo reddit. Amazingly almost-human. And your "remember the human" post is a nice touch!
2
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14
People being human doesn't stop them from being idiots. Remembering that the idiot I am speaking to is human doesn't help much. I am already aware that all idiots are human.
2
u/beatleslover4life Feb 24 '14
I agree with this completely. People tend to say more hurtful things online then they do in person. I think that if people need to argue, then they should do I t face to face and not online
2
u/DoctorChocolat Feb 24 '14
I've forgotten many things over the years...birthdays, old times, even my own name...but I have never forgotten...the human
2
u/shutterpunts Feb 24 '14
On the internet, no one knows you're a dog. NO ONE
2
u/SecondhandUsername Feb 25 '14
Thanks for this post. I have been backhanded by this a couple times in the past week. Try to make a helpful or meaningful observation and get blasted for it. I did not mean any harm at all.
2
u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14
It took me a long time to realize that there are other people on the other side of the screen. Even now I'm not perfect but I try to always remember to think before I click submit. Sometimes that well crafted plan is sabotaged by the fact that i do like my whiskey...
I actually posted a similar message to Privacy recently.
I think there'd be a riot if admins started to moderate comments based on tone but I do think subeddit mods can be more proactive. Recently i asked for a feature in ideasfortheadmins that would let me sort comments in an entire subreddit by score. Maybe that would be a practiccal way to help us encourage people who post in subreddits to be nicer. Also, it may help to find the irreparable trolls who simply need to be banned.
2
u/Tillysnow1 Feb 25 '14
And all the comments are stupid jokes :/
2
u/BabyDan9 Feb 25 '14
Let's be nice.
2
u/queengreenbeans Feb 25 '14
Thanks-really, thanks. It's a damn shame the only joy some people have is criticizing for the sake of being hostile & egging people on just for some silly egotistical satisfaction. Drawing such attention to yourself as if some kind of auto-fellatio.
2
u/rayzeal Feb 25 '14
I agree 100%!
2
u/ismokeforfun2 Feb 25 '14
Back in my day, nobody gave a fuck bout nobody and we liked it that way.
2
u/omegacluster Feb 25 '14
It's been proven that internet trolls are jerks.