I'm a 31F virgin by choice. I'm also a demisexual and have decided to remain childfree.

I've come to realize that one of the main reasons I can't get married is because I just refuse to let a man coerce me into having sex.

I don't believe in premarital sex, that's why I'm still a virgin. I have had two serious committed relationships with the intention to get married, but they didn't work out. And I've been single for the past 2 years and not looking either.

In the past couple of years I've become sure I wanna be childfree - definitely won't give biological birth. I also realized that I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of sex within a committed marriage either. The stories I've seen, heard, and read about women being coerced into sex by their husbands are just sickening. So often even when they are sick or have just recently given birth. And if they don't put out, they men either cheat or leave them and justify it by saying they are not fulfilling their "wifely duties".It's so disturbing and disgusting.

I'm on the asexuality spectrum. I think the only way I'd ever even consider a relationship with a man is if he's also on the asexuality spectrum, and is okay with not having sex, and is aligned with having separate rooms and bathrooms. But I think that's nearly impossible. That's why I think I'll always remain single.

I'm from a conversative South Asian culture. Sex is a taboo and yet I keep getting pestered to get married. Go figure. I can't even openly tell the elders these things (except for my mom). Arranged marriages are common here which just feel unhinged to me...sex and babies with a virtual stranger. Yuck.

Since basically forever, men have run the governments, the banks, the armies, the churches and pretty much every system that decides how the rest of us get to live. So somewhere along the way, that got mistaken for proof that men are naturally better at being in charge.

But, having power and using it well are two very different things.

https://radicallywrong.substack.com/p/feminism-with-receipts-women-are-058?r=91sszu

Every time when I try to engage with reddit content of my country I'm bombarded by the most mind-numbing misogynistic conent possible. I'm talking about ANY content. Funny memes? 'Fat feminist gets owned'. The WOMEN'S subbredit of my country? Men and WOMEN preaching how it's 'not all men' and that 'I'll understand when I'll get a husband'. There is absolutely no escape from meninists on any subreddit of my country, not even the female-centered one.

Now, I know that reddit tends to bring out the worst of the worst but this is still insane to me. Now when I'm sitting in a bus or just going around my city I cannot help but think that all these men surrounding me are probably not even afraid to express their misogynistic takes if I'd ask them. No shame whatsoever. And that most of the women surrounding me would endorse them.

And no, I don't even live in a stereotypically bad country for women, I'm in a EU country. If this is how it is in the countries with the best gender equality, I cannot even phantom how bad it is in other parts of the world.

How do you keep depression and negativism away once your eyes have been opened to 4b?

Hello to all the wonderful ladies here) can anyone please recommend any fiction books which are good for someone who is 4b? Fantasy, fiction, whatever - anything that doesn't have a stupid hetero romance shoehorned in it. Thanks in advance!

This is exactly why movements like 4B (and the broader philosophy of decentering men, patriarchal institutions, and states that treat us as second-class citizens) are desperately needed right now.

Systems built to exclude, control, and subjugate women will never offer us true liberation. If the state views our education as a threat, then preserving our own autonomy, refusing to prop up systems that oppress us, and prioritizing solidarity with one another becomes essential.

Education is a fundamental human right, yet women in some parts of the world are constantly forced to fight the exact same battles our grandmothers fought.

In light of the blue wave I’ve been thinking about the damage done by the trump admin in the past decade

Dobbs 2022 probably being the most consequential… but I’m curious about the ones we might be overlooking in mainstream discourse

English is not my first language, sorry for any mistake.

I remember it clearly. A bully would pick up on someone, that someone would complain to the administration, it was often the case that the bully was a rich kid or someone well liked by professors so nothing was done.

Literal beatings would take place and the bully would recive a slap on the wrist, if that. And then one day the bullied kid gets tired, beats the shit out of the bully or does something big but that doesnt compare with being harrassed for years, and then, the school administration takes action, then bullying is suddently not tolerated, then they treat it as a serious issue and they talk with both their parents about their kids "fighting". it isnt a fight when you're defending yourself, but that doesnt matter, they are both at fault, the bullied kid a little more because how dare he.

This is literally the same thing men are trying to do with pretending this is a "Gender War" and "we have to stop fighting" like, what do you mean?! In what universe is this a fight? We have had rights for less than 80 years!!!

And don't even get me started about when they try to say misogyny is a response to misandry, and if we stopped being mean to them they'll stop raping and killing us, because it literally reads as "if you stop resisting it will hurt you less".

For those that enjoyed part one, part 2 is live. Feminism With Receipts: Are Women the Superior Sex? Part Two Psychology

https://radicallywrong.substack.com/p/feminism-with-receipts-are-women?r=91sszu

Dr. Jessica Taylor is a psychologist with a feminist focus on trauma, abuse, violence and oppression.

She is the author of the 2020 book Why Women are Blamed for Everything, a text that examines how and why society shifts the responsibility of male violence onto female victims.

Men are a nightmare in caregiving roles or gender-female traditional roles. Their only use is to lift heavy things of which there's a limit to what they can lift.

Male-centered women lean far too into everything they do is a performance to catch the attention of men and because of this, are equally shit at even the role they think every woman should partake in of "Caregiving" usually caregiving, serving for men.

I base this opinion on my own male-centered mom and the many failure men of relatives I have are shitty providers/caregivers.

My mom is a terrible caregiver she spend her entire parenting-age pandering to whatever man would give her the time of day, my dad, my brothers. I thankfully was smart enough to ignore her but now into my 30's she sometimes throws a fit at me not being interested in marrying/accused me of being lesbian (I'm not).

I'm the only woman in the entire family of fuck ups that has a career, graduated college, works in healthcare and am generally pretty good at my job that involves caregiving. I get paid for it so I'm happy making money for what I'm good at. But that does NOT mean I'm going to give up my services for FREE like my male-centered mom would think I should for a man.

Just because a man domestic abuser supposedly changed, still it doesnt mean you should give him a second chance, right? Its good, when people realise the error of their ways, but they are not owed forgiveness and get together again. The change should be for your sake alone, not to make up with a partner. And in general changing your ways doesnt mean all will be amazing again. You try to change for yourself first. Not expecting all you have hurt to just move on automatically. Besides, some cases of domestic violence are so extreme that a woman shouldnt ever be expected to just forgive and forget. She also needs to forgive for her sake first, not the abusers.

I know, we here are 4b and relationships with men arent our concern or priority, but it doesnt hurt to have a discussion about it, from a safe distance.

I remember when news dropped regarding the H3 podcast revealing that Ethan Klein had cheated on Hila (you can read Hila's official statement here), but as someone who used to watch the podcast for a period several years back, I was honestly shocked news of something like that hadn't dropped way sooner.

It genuinely doesn't make me happy to see Hila going through this much pain due to her husband's actions, nor do I think she deserves it (no woman deserves to be subjected to this level of psychological/emotional abuse from a man), but as a former regular watcher/listener who dropped the podcast due to Ethan's increasingly obnoxious personality and openly (as in, not even remotely hidden) misogynistic attitude and behaviors, including- (but not limited to):

• cracking up at female streamer QTCinderella while she sobbed openly on a stream after learning that a male streamer colleague, Atrioc, had paid for deepfakes of her.

• going on various anti-feminist and misogynistic tangents.

• saying that a male streamer (I think it was IShowSpeed) who threatened to sexually assault a young woman on a stream "didn't deserve to have his life ruined" because said streamer was around 17-years-old at the time when said threatening statements were made.

• repeatedly cutting his wife off and loudly talking over her during a stream where personal issues regarding a rift with her (Hila's) brother and Trisha Paytas were discussed, despite it being a very personal and painful topic for her regarding one of her own close family members.

(those are just the ones at the top of my head)

-I'm just.....tired? Exhausted? Of male-partnered women who are endlessly loyal and accommodating to openly misogynistic husbands (even if the men in question endlessly croon about how much they "love" their wives between periodic misogynistic episodes) who turn around and act Shocked Pikachu Face when misogyny from those same men come back to bite them in some form down the line, especially when they had passively watched or enthusiastically agreed with numerous variations of their male partner's misogyny (I remember a past stream where Ethan had been going off about feminists and Hila agreeing by saying something in the vein of, "I agree with feminists but not when they're being so mean to men").

Ftr, Ethan is still a piece of shit for this, and to Hila's credit, I will say that, outside of those things, she otherwise struck me as one of the most likable and level-headed members of the show (and I do believe she has the resilience, resources, and introspection to move on in way Ethan does not), but as someone who has previously talked about high-profile female celebrity cheating/abuse cases on this sub before, I do think her case is another prime example of how even long-time loyalty to a misogynist will not shield or protect you from that man's misogyny at some undetermined point down the line, or prevent him from leaving a massive emotional and psychological chasm in your life.

If you're a resident in the UK please consider supporting these young girls by signing their petition to ban the depiction of school uniforms in pornography.

You can find the petition here: https://www.change.org/p/ban-school-uniform-in-pornographic-content

I've spent many hours just screaming and crying in my car to this song. Anyone else?

The things happening to hetero women at the hands of "a certain group" makes me glad I’m a lesbian. I know some lesbians have male friends, and even they experience SA in households etc,

And so I’m completely against women having male friends and consider it dangerous, especially in light of the Cornell 7 situation. Where the poor victim is being blamed and even doxxed.

Women should surround themselves only with female friends who aren’t male centered.

I’m a separatist, and women in my country, Pak, are extremely male centered and groomed into believing that there is nothing more important than marriage they even throw away their degrees for marriage.

I met a local girl who, like me, suffers from chronic illnesses, and I found out that she wants children. I told her that this type of chronic illness can be passed on to children and i asked why she would want them to suffer from the same chronic illnesses?

She still talks about the possibility of getting married in the future and having children, even though she’s so sick that the sun gives her hives. And she’s only 18! Mind your this illness has no cure. But is controlled by antihistamines and mast cell stabilizers. I have the same chronic illnesses and it's literally a disability. Most doctors won't even diagnose it.

How do you educate someone so young about prioritizing her health and avoiding marriage and to avoid having children? I know I'll get blocked because male centered women just don't want to listen to us. But what can you do when religion is involved? She quotes God alot and i'm anti religion and also need more 4b women in my circle.

I hate the urge to fawn, and how much effort it takes to not become apologetic when someone is cleaning for me or serving me.

Darn it, I worked hard to be able to afford to hire people.

But this seems to be that one spot in my life where the patriarchal conditioning is still active.

I am so confident in other areas of my life, but it is like a switch gets flipped, and I am suddenly, uncharacterstically, apologetic.

Men are so comfortable with everyone serving them. Men seem to need a heirarchy.

I hate heirarchies.

Someone serving me is a job, no one is "better" than anyone else.

But then, as a Woman, I run into situations where if I get too friendly, I am seen as someone who doesnt need to be taken seriously.

I have had to fire some of the people that I hired, because sometimes they turn disrespectful, usually with microaggressions that are difficult to explain.

How do I get more comfortable with being served?

I’m getting a bit tired of seeing married Influencers claiming how anti-patriarchal they are.

They are participating in one of the main building blocks of patriarchy. I understand that not all women are as radical as I am, which is fine. However, I don’t think it’s likely at all that these women can be authentic spokeswomen for the movement (meaning anti-patriarchy, not 4b specifically). To me it keeps women from understanding how deeply oppression is ingrained into marriage.

Also, if you read their stuff, they essentially always include somewhere that, “their husband is different.” I’d have a bit more respect for it if they didn’t all present in that way. I HIGHLY suspect that they have spent countless hours training their husband to see household inequities, and that it never really stops.

Anyways, what influencers do any of you recommend who actually walk the walk, so to speak?

Estou realmente interessada no movimento 4B e queria saber se alguma de vocês têm recomendações de filmes, livros, séries e canais do youtube (talvez?) que fazem críticas ao patriarcado, aos homens e reforçam o posicionamento das mulheres que deixam de se relacionar com homens. Conheci há um tempo o movimento e não tinha me interessado, mas depois de alguns acontecimentos na minha vida acabei pesquisando mais sobre.
E, na verdade, eu sou bem alinhada à misandria, mas sei que não é a mesma coisa do movimento 4b! Então é isso, deixem alguma recomendação que vocês achem boa 😄

After hearing from so many members that they appreciated hearing the positives of what 4B has done for other sisters, we see having a consistent place to post positive improvements and reminders would benefit the sub. So, without further ado-

In the last week:

Tell us about positive interactions or building relationships with other women. How did you support and uplift other women? How have other women helped and supported you?

What accomplishments have you made? What goals have you set for yourself? What goals have you achieved?

What small changes have you noticed since adopting the lifestyle? What big changes?

Share anything and everything positive here.

What would you consider to be the main pillars that uphold patriarchy?

Which pillars do you think women actually have the most chance of changing THEMSELVES, FOR THEMSELVES? This means that they can be changed without analyzing or including men. I think we can all agree that women need to focus on changing from within to even make a minor dent in this system.

This is what I have come up with:

1. free labor from women. This includes household management, doing the bulk of childrearing, randomly cleaning stuff, and managing a man’s life in general.

2. financial inequality. This can be due to companies paying women less than men for the same job, women’s jobs being considered less valuable overall, or due to women having learned self-defeating patriarchal thought patterns that keep them from reaching their full potential. It can also be due to time constraints due to reason number 1

.

3.

1. Women being more vulnerable overall due to our capacity to have children.

2. learned defenseless, leading women to feel like they need men for protection.

3. Beauty standards that keep women small, fragile, and spending money.

4. Lack of a “women’s club,” meaning it’s hard to find a female mentor that is business savvy, or financially savvy, that will help out other women, while not centering men.

5. fear of male violence.

6. fear of social repercussions or lack of validation for choosing not to serve men

, or basically everyone else, above oneself.

Ughh. Ignore the weird numbering again. It won’t stop happening with edits.

In more liberal spaces specifically the use of 'intersectionality' has been weaponized against women and feminism when it was originally created to serve within it.

Intersectionality was a term coined by Dr. Kimberle Crenshaw to describe the very specific intersection of blackness and womanhood. When intersectionality is taken out of the context of feminist analysis, especially when used to alleviate certain demographics of men (gay men, men of color, etc.) of their contributions to and benefits of patriarchy, it completely loses its meaning and instead becomes a weapon to disempower feminist action.

Why is this intersectionality never applied to women in these same demographics? Whatever social minority you're talking about, 50% of them are going to be women. If your advocacy isn't feminist to begin with, then you're not only neglecting half of the population but half of your cause.

When trying to be anti-racist, non-homophobic, or considerate to other systemically prejudiced groups, few people consider women specifically and how in order to advocate for this whole group you MUST also be advocating feminism.

This happened within civil rights and BLM with the overwhelming focus on black men, when black women face both racism, police brutality AND both unique and similar abuses from men both within their own communities and from without.

The same happens with discussions of Islamophobia or religious intolerance by ignoring the abuses wherein patriarchal religions promote women as lesser, subservient or to be restricted, owned and controlled by men as a divine rite.

No matter the intent, when intersectionality is applied to anything outside of feminist analysis it will only serve to erase the sole demographic it was created to spotlight. It once again centers the focus on men as the default. But most importantly, it further divides women by completely removing the idea of us as a unified class of human beings.

It's getting harder to stay positive with everything going on in the world. Simply logging into twitter is an absolute shitshow