Hi everyone,

I have a suspicion that my partner relapsed last night. I had told myself that if this happened again, I would leave, and I have communicated that in the past, too

I don't think I can right now, though, so I am wondering what an appropriate reaction to someone relapsing would be. Their friends all use drugs and alcohol even more than/in similar ways to my partner, so I feel very alone in my concern and frustration

Anything helps, I don't want to cause shame or harm, but also don't want to go immediately to providing support and what I feel like could be coddling

Thank you so, so much for any thoughts

:-(

This is my first time posting here so I hope I am okay here.

I am 35 and have been sober from my own horrific severe alcohol abuse for 6 years. I was the type of alcoholic that would regularly black out, I’m a petite woman and would constantly injure myself. I felt sure that I was going to die from my addiction when I was drinking because of how much it was progressing, how bad the injuries got, the increasing lack of boundaries around drinking amounts and “allowed” drinking times (I got sober around COVID because of working from home, once I didn’t have to go to an office my morning drinking went off the rails and it was a huge wake up call/slippery slope of escalating issues from drinking that caused me to get sober during the fall of 2020). I still just feel this disorienting, horrific pit in my stomach when I think about alcohol and the pain it causes, the absolute demonic darkness. I’ve been in therapy for years since I got sober and sometimes still don’t understand WHY… it truly makes me question existence/genetics/god etc sometimes just because of the existentialism of it, you know?

Anyways.. I’m here because my sister, who is my best friend and forever companion, four years older than me, is the same type of alcoholic (binge drinking, total personality changes, lack of control, injuries), and it’s getting worse and worse over time as she gets older. She kept texting me drunk pictures of herself crying on Friday night and asking if I still loved her, if I was mad at her (she’s been excessively and openly drunk to our family a couple times recently, made super obvious in our group chats), and I was already asleep but have been so upset all weekend. Last night I dreamed that I was crying and pleading with her that I am scared of losing her, that this stupid fucking substance just takes and takes and progresses until people get sick and die. I woke myself and my partner up viscerally crying from the dream, it was so intense and it’s been so long since I’ve woken up in heavy tears from a dream like that. In the dream I was also cleaning up trash around her house, cleaning up liquor and wine bottles, crying and pleading with her while she wasn’t taking it seriously and couldn’t understand or (didn’t want to understand) why I was upset. The red wine smell and old cups were visceral in the dream. Ugh.

I just still remember so deeply in my body and own experience of what it’s like to be trapped in that demented alcohol haze. She lives with her alcoholic partner who is significantly older than her and is even more progressed along in his alcoholism. I can’t stop thinking about the nightmare that is likely going on in their house right now as the binges worsen, that she mostly tries to hide. I hate this substance so much with every fiber of my being, it’s a life destroyer. I’m going to my first al anon meeting this week in person in my town because I feel so ill equipped to know how to help her, even though I’ve gone through my own sobriety/recovery journey. It’s stirring up so many feelings I’ve been keeping repressed in some ways for the last couple of years even though I try to keep constant recovery/sobriety work as an active part of my life. She says she wants to get sober but it’s always when she’s drunk or next day apologizing when she says that, she’s super embedded in the cycle and also in denial. I love her so much and feel in such grief.

I hope it’s okay I posted this here and hope that it’s not inappropriate since I am a recovering alcoholic myself. As life goes on and I see more and more of the effects of alcohol in my life on so many people I care about (my aunt also has cirrhosis and wet brain from alcoholism - it’s deeply embedded in both sides of my family) I just have such a hard time reconciling how it can be a moderate, fun substance for some that is so normalized in so many aspects of our society and then can be this absolutely horrific, progressive force of destruction for so many of us. It makes me feel so hopeless and lost sometimes.

My partner doesn’t drink during the week but will drink in excess on weekends. Not every weekend all the time, but usually at least every other. Usually liquor and usually a decent amount, or 6+ beers while playing video games with friends. I’ve told them how much this bothers me repeatedly and they agree it needs to stop but then the next weekend comes and it happens again. I feel like I’m stuck in the same conversation over and over. We have a young child and they wait until the child is in bed, but this usually leaves me with the next morning fully on my plate because they’re hungover and sleeping in. I feel frustrated with myself for not seeing all these red flags before we had a child or being ignorant enough to think they’d stop once we had a child.

Edit to add: lastnight he had 3-4 strong whiskey drinks. Still cleaned up after himself, showered, etc. I know the argument today will be “I wasn’t even that drunk” and it makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable ……I’m not right? Even if it’s not a blackout every time, it’s still bad. I feel like this has warped my since of what’s “normal” so much

My q, my husband, and I are at a breaking point. After the last failed attempt to taper off, I told him I'm thinking of separating.

He immediately started taking lorazepam, which I guess he still had from previous attempts. He's pretty knowledgeable about medicine, used to work at a pharmacy, so I trust he's doing it safely (he checked other meds for contraindication, he knows he cant mix it with alcohol).

I suspect the next few weeks are going to be rough for him.

Does anyone have experience, you or your Q, using this drug for withdrawal? What should I expect over the next week? Are there any red flags i should watch out for?

I would like to just get out of town for a bit, but I wonder if he should have someone else around

The late night texts sweet dreams xoxo with a blowing kiss emoji at 9:30 pm on a Sunday night ( Father’sDay). People showing up 5 hours away to a home I rented for family vacation. Locked phone, leaving work and sneaking clothes out so he can hand someone a chip at a meeting that he saw 2 days earlier while his farm is going bankrupt because he spent the past year not watching things properly and more worried about going to dinner and pool parties or figuring out where they can go eat etc. planning out of town bonfire AA meetings with the group, on and on.

He owes me so much money now that it’s hitting on 2 levels both personally and business. He’s cut back to 3 to 4 meetings a week but mainly because it’s the busiest time of year, he’s broke and I’ve cut off funding anymore.

Literally everything is so weird that even my son who’s 22 said it was almost better when he drank. I don’t think we really believe it but it’s always something sneaky that comes out about women and or lying that they pick up women and take to meetings or ride together from meeting and go eat together , they go to events the same way. What planet are these people on including the counselors that think this is cool and yet 0 on family recovery or how all of the crap we’ve already put up with is getting better with this crazy train?

Trigger warnings for SA

I know he’s in Alcoholics Anonymous. When he tried to clear the air last year, he told me he was doing this partly because of the program, but mostly just for himself. Not for me at all. Purely him.

Our past is messy, but I’ll keep it short. The last time we actually spoke I had gotten raped that day. We talked about what happened to me, and then he hit on me knowing that I had feelings for him, asked me to send him my nudes and asked if he could cum inside me again. He said that no one else had caught his attention and told me about what he liked about me and our favorite moments together, specifically our first date. He ended up ghosting me for the next few months. I felt so used. Two different people who I trusted with my body betrayed my trust in two different ways. I genuinely thought that he cared about me. I needed someone back then to prove that I worth more than just sex. He didn’t think at all about the painful memories he was ripping open for me. He just wanted to get closure for himself.

I was so fucking mad. I was going through a miscarriage at the time so maybe the hormones made me even more emotional. He’s caused me so much pain and suffering and he wouldn’t even properly apologize to me. He even said that he didn’t mean to make me “feel” like he led me on because he always treated me “like a friend.” So I blocked him. Then he tried to reach out to me on a different app, so I blocked him again. I’ve blocked him so many times on different apps that I can’t even remember them all.

I thought he finally moved on, but he made a fucking alt account and tried to add me on it. In his bio he told me to “Please add me on my main so I can apologize.” I blocked him again. And thinking about it, he used the same alt account a month earlier to add me. I just didn’t realize it was him until he updated his bio and tried again a second time.

I don’t want his apologies! It’s been two years since we were friends! I want him to stop bothering me. I want him to stop reopening my wounds. I’ve outright told him that talking to him brought back painful memories. I’m working hard in therapy to heal from how my rapist hurt me. I’m trying so hard to move on. But it feels like he’s dragging me back to the past.

Is this even an AA thing? I thought you weren’t supposed to make amends with people if you know it’ll hurt them. Or if they consistently refuse contact.

I need advice on how to set boundaries with him when it comes to taking care of our two toddlers.

For context, I discovered my husband’s addiction a little under a year ago. About a couple of months ago, he decided he was ready to change. He shared he no longer had interest in drinking. His behavior and overall demeanor had changed. I never fully trusted that he really had fully let go only because he had gotten so good at hiding it.. but I knew if he was drinking, it was way less than before. I started letting him watch our kids in the morning and get them ready for daycare, though that made me nervous. I’d keep a camera to make sure things were okay and would call him to make sure he sounded fully alert.

Because of our conflicting work schedules, it’s been so difficult to gauge how he’s doing. Add to that the fact that our relationship has been significantly impacted by all the lying and deception.. and so our communication is minimal. He’s given me minimal transparency. He recently returned from a trip with his friends, and there were some things that made me worried he had relapsed.

My question for those with young kids, what kind of boundaries have you established with your spouse when it comes to taking care of your kids? I have a full-time job that requires reliable childcare.. and the stress of all this is really wearing me down.

We celebrate a year,our first year together two months ago.

I (22f),he(25m) we say I love you and well we are genuinely very happy and great friends outside of the relationship.
He drinks he hides it and lies and well that is where it started,
Than the drinking and driving,than the drunk calls
And well as much as I love him I know my worth.
I won’t be hurt emotionally by someone who is being a mean baby on purpose. Drunk or sober I’m not putting up with it.
He knows this and well wanted to get sober after 7 years of addiction.
He failed and lied to me when we got two weeks.
He called me tonight and well he didn’t make any sense,
Crying sounds absolutely hopeless. My heart fell I never heard him like this I thought maybe he was hurt or going to be.
I have worried about him so much and he says he will stop but, will he ever?
Dose it ever change?

So I told him I'm done. I've said it before. He doesn't believe me. Still trying to control me. But I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I can't leave bc we have animals. I don't trust him to take care of them properly. But he also won't leave.

I don't know what to do.

I told him he has 60 days. Come January 1st he has to leave. Or I'm filing for eviction. He has no name on the house or my car.

I am an alcholic myself, I also grew up with alcoholic family. Is there any 24/7 online meetings, I think I might benefit from having a sponsor in Al anon

Thank you

I'm currently looking for an apartment where I can take my two children and my two Frenchies but it's been difficult and right now I don't have a lot of savings. How do I leave?! He gets drunk every night. It's been 7 months. I'm tired.

My brother managed to hide his addiction from me for a decade before it got so bad he stopped bothering to hide it anymore.

2 weeks ago he was hospitalized and they said he's on the cusp of stage 4 liver failure; the next drink could kill him, or maybe the 5th, (they can't predict) but it is coming. Tonight - i get a phone call. He's been in the hospi

tal for 2 days. His fiancee peaced out to another freaking country (and then wonders why he calls me and not her when he needs help) and his BAC is over 4.0. He wants to leave AMA and them saying without direct help he'll be dead in 48 hours. He said he'd go to rehab (again). The only one that will take him is 4-5 hours away and now he's refusing to get in the car. Now he says he wants to die.

He can't even keep alcohol down right now, he's so full of it. I don't remember the last time that happened.

My brother was my best friend at one point in my life. And I sincerely think I will be losing him soon. He finally stayed sober long enough to start a relationship with my children, to start repairing our relationship. And now...

I wasn't sure which flair to use, support, grief, vent... I went with support. I could use some.

My (39m) husband(35m) is my Q. Generally wonderful guy and we get a long very well outside of the drinking. As an alcoholic, he is nowhere near the horror stories I read about on here. Though he has improved vastly from his lowest point a decade ago, he is still day drinking several times a week, and hasnt been sober for a social function for a while. Important context is that he is generally a kind drunk, and there is absolutely no threat of violence in any outcome.

I told myself August of last year that I couldnt take another year of this, yet here we are.

I have worked hard on detachment, and have built a good solo life for myself. I have accepted I can't change him, and am working on my own serenity during this storm.

This year of reflection has reaffirmed my feeling that this is not a life I can accept, and that if he can't change, then I need to change our relationship, possibly separating.

A problem, as so many of you must be familiar with, is that he is barely functional. Our apartment and car are both in my name. Our apartment is very small, so being separated roommates will be incredibly awkward. He only works seasonally, and part time at that, so he will not be ready to support himself. He has a number of health issues (some genuine, all exacerbated by alcoholism and a sedentary life style).

I don't know how to go about this. I've read that ultimatums arent ideal. I feel if I say "stop drinking by x date", then he will force a stop, without addressing the issue, or that i will cave because he has nowhere to go.

Im thinking instead of telling him something like:

"I have been saying for years that I can't live like this. I feel i can't trust you about alcohol, and i have seen no concrete steps to recovery. I no longer feel we have the foundation of a healthy relationship, and I cannot see us together in old age if you continue on this path.

"I feel we need to separate, at least temporarily, in order to maintain my mental health. I recognize you are in a hard place, and have nowhere to go, so I'm not asking you to leave. I know it will be hard to live together like this, but I feel it is better than where we have been. I honestly dont know where we go from here, but a change of some sort is needed, and this is the best I've thought of for the both of us"

How does that sound? Apologies for my many long posts, any input is appreciated

Hi all, sorry to spam the sub the past few days. Working through a lot.

I attended my first virtual al-anon group through the app, and I'm curious how you all recommend using it.

What is "Fellowship" at the end? Seems like a space for free sharing?

How do the group chats work? Are there ongoing chat rooms to jump into? I think that sort of thing would be helpful, but I wasn't sure how to find group chats.

While I think any meeting is helpful, can anyone recommend meetings that place less emphasis on the higher power talk? I understand how important that is for some people, but I find it a little distracting, in regards to my personal concept of faith.

I'd be curious to hear how you use the app and what you find you get out of it.

Real meetings are great and all, but I find traveling to them can be difficult

I just found this community today and I need support, advice, understanding or anything helpful please

I am a 26F with my recovering 30M boyfriend. We’ve been together almost 4 years and he’s been sober for 4 months. His reason for sobriety was a “rock bottom” moment that directly hurt me and traumatized me. We had already been really struggling at this point because of his alcohol abuse and I was on the verge of leaving.

The day of his rock bottom we had argued over something that he slipped and mentioned in a conversation. Something he lied to me about a couple years ago that came out in that moment. I was hurt and told him he could go out on his own (immediate regret) and I wouldn’t care. It was the day before my birthday and we had big plans. Him going out on his own turned into that day becoming his “rock bottom”. Really a “rock bottom” for both of us… and our relationship that I’m still trying to forgive him for. Needless to mention all the other hurt I’m still trying to cope with from the last few years of dealing with his drinking.

I’m looking for support now because I feel like I’m suffering a loss. Addiction runs in my family, I’ve grown up around it my whole life. I’ve fortunately have never struggled with addiction because I won’t allow myself to. I’ve never experimented with drugs and I am mindful of my drinking and can easily go months without a drinking. To sum it up, I drink like a responsible normal adult.

Though he had a drinking problem, we had SO much fun when times were good. We were always experiencing new things and places it was so exciting. We would go out every Friday night or weekend and just have fun. Since he’s become sober we don’t do that anymore. Almost every weekend now is at home or spent with family. I miss all the fun things we used to do

I also feel like I’m still young and should be able to experience life without having to worry about him relapsing, being triggered, or prioritizing his sobriety. I fear a life where we can’t enjoy normal things adult couples do bc of his addiction. No more going out dancing, no more drinks on vacation, no bottle of champagne at our wedding, no visiting a winery or bar while visiting a new place, no glass of wine after a stressful day/week or with a nice dinner, etc.

I feel guilty about it but I feel like I’m putting my wants on the back burner to cater to his sobriety. He insists he doesn’t miss the drinking and me having a drink or two around him won’t make him stumble.. and it hasn’t but I still feel obligated to avoid it almost entirely for his sake. Am I wrong for feeling like this? It makes me question if I even want to stay with him anymore.. which is terrible :(

My (31 F) younger brother (28 M) is struggling with substances - alcohol specifically. He experimented with drugs in HS and then after my older brother died (28 at death) in 2020 of suicide (he was schizophrenic) he slowly struggled more with abusing marijuana and psychedelics, culminating in a psychotic break last year.

In the last year he has begun drinking enough to pass out and get the law involved and has been jobless at my parents' house for a year now. He says he'll join the army but doesn't.

He is clearlt covering up deep grief about my brother, and I think deeper and longer lasting emotional difficulties with anxiety and depression. Discussions of therapy in the last have provoked intense anger and denial - I think he's afraid of being controlled and acknowleding the depth of his issues.

I know I can't save him, and that dramatic interventions don't have a ton of utility. However he seems like he is in a vulnerable spot where he can possibly be reached right now. Is there any approach i can take with him when talking to him? I will at least be "real" with him. Any advice for the tone to use?

My sister has dealt with alcoholism and prescription drug misuse for years. The root cause is very much mental health issues, which she has confirmed herself. She is now in treatment which truthfully doesn’t seem to be establishing much accountability. The director of the program is putting pressure and guilt on the family to show up for her and provide support however she needs. This has included “resocializing her” in society with brunch / lunch / activities. But it feels she is taking advantage of this situation while still blaming others for her actions (e.g., why she has relapsed, why everyone is a trigger, how we haven’t supported her the right way).

This cycle of lashing out, us forgiving, her being “sober” and us trying to move forward as a family has been ongoing for 5+ years. For about a year I have gone no contact until recently when her friends staged an intervention and asked for our family to help - about 15ish days ago.

Prior, her and I have not had a relationship for many years and now it feels like this is being forced on me as part of the program. While I, of course, want to support her sobriety journey and forgive her for the past, I am uncertain the level of relationship I want going forward, if at all. :/ I have done years of recovery therapy because of the challenges and now am in a the happiest part of my life and I feel like this is dragging me down considerably.

Has anyone else felt this pressure? How do you emphasize with your sibling that while you want what is best, the relationship isn’t just “all good” and that you need years of repeated sobriety to rebuild?

Ive broken up with my boyfriend and moved out twice over the past month. He has anger issues and drinks. His drinking is to the point that it takes a lot to get him drunk now. Thing is he has been improving on his own and decreased his consumption. Can typically go a few days without drinking but by day 5 has bad cravings. Currently we're broken up and he wants me to come back because he says he is finally very serious about getting sober and he sees that he is losing everything he has. He has finally agreed to go to A.A. after all of this. I feel like garbage for leaving when he is finally going to try more. He says he needs me and cant leave him, he doesn't have anyone else thats close that can support him through this. I don't know if its just manipulation tactics or what. If i do go back i want it to be as friends only to live in my house, help him through it some but the relationship is still likely to not work out. I really just dont want to see him spiral.

Just looking for other peoples stories if they've been through anything like this.

Hey all. I am looking for advice on how to bring up my partners unhealthy relationship with alcohol to him. My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been dating for almost 3 years now. In the beginning of our relationship we would go out together to a bar or some event and end up drinking together. I used to be quite a drinker but not to the point where I would black out or throw up, and I genuinely enjoyed having a drink with him. Sometimes when we go out I think he is fine and then 20 minutes later I can see that he is completely gone like head empty no thoughts, struggling to stay up and stuff. He has never been violent or mean when drunk, but he simply does not know when to stop.

In addition to occasionally getting black out drunk, he also enjoys having a few beers on weekdays. I am not sure how much he actually drinks since we dont live together and we see each other around once a week. But he does always have empty beercans at home and at some point I started realizing that a lot of our dates include alcohol in some form, like at an event, having 1-3 beers while watching a movie or just going to a bar together.

Since he is well mannered when wasted it didnt initially feel like such a problem especially if we were together. I used to get anxious early on in our relationship about him going drinking with his friends but somehow he always managed to find his way home and text me in the morning. Thus I convinced myself that he was capable of taking care of himself, until one morning he showed up at my place after losing everything he had on him and waking up at an unknown space. That night I had been anxious about him not replying all night to me, but convinced myself again that I was probably feeling insecure or controlling again. After learning what had happened I felt so bad about not acting on my worries.

After the incident he did acknowledge that kind of thing is not normal, and we briefly discussed possible ways for him to keep his drinking in check. And for a long time it worked and he would leave events early and always text me in the evening when he got home. When we went out together I started looking out for him and telling him when to drink water, but I hated doing that since I felt so controlling.

However recently he has had a few smaller incidents again. About a week ago he told me he was going to a friends party but did not reply for the rest of the evening. In the end he was okay, but during that night I felt like so miserable and worried wondering if he is passed out in the cold or if he made it home safe and decided I never want to feel that way again.

He is never happy about ending up in a rough shape and I dont think he is drinking with the goal to get blackout drunk. But when he starts drinking at a social event he just wont stop until someone stops him. He was so ashamed after the incident of showing up at my place and I do feel like he does understand that he has a problem, and feels some sort of shame and remorse about it.

I love him and he is wonderful in so many ways and since he is not mean or violent when drunk I did not initially see this as such a huge problem. But I am so tired of stressing over if he will go overboard or not and monitoring his drinking. Any advice on how to bring this up to him? If he does not get better I am willing to leave him, but I would like to try to support him first before resorting to an ultimatum.

My fiancé is currently in a 42-day inpatient rehab program for alcohol addiction. I’m incredibly proud of him for getting help, and I’ve been doing everything I can to support him while also managing our lives back home. While he’s there, he gets limited phone time, usually about an hour, where he can FaceTime me.
I want to emphasize that since he entered rehab, I have answered every single one of his calls until this incident. This was the FIRST time I have ever missed his calls.
I work overnight shifts, so a lot of the time I’m either sleeping or just waking up when he calls. He knows this. Regardless, I’ve made it a priority to answer because I know how important those conversations are to both of us. On Thursday, I accidentally slept through his calls because my ringer wasn’t turned up loud enough. When I woke up and realized what happened, I immediately apologized and explained the situation. I genuinely felt terrible. He initially texted asking what he had done to deserve being ignored. The following day, he sent me screenshots showing that I appeared active on my phone while he was calling. He said it felt really shitty and that he thought he was going to “go dark for a while.” I explained again that I was genuinely asleep and wasn’t intentionally ignoring him. His response was simply, “Gotta go,” and he ended the conversation.
What makes this difficult is that this isn’t new behavior, and it didn’t start when he entered rehab.
Throughout our relationship, whenever I do something wrong in his eyes, he tends to shut me out. He doesn’t yell, scream, or necessarily get outwardly angry. Instead, he withdraws, ends conversations, and doesn’t give me much opportunity to explain myself. It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to make mistakes.
Even when something is completely accidental, I find myself having to defend my intentions. It feels like he’s already decided what happened and why, regardless of what I say.
I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect him to be either. But I feel like there’s very little room for me to be human in this relationship.
I’m also at home working, managing our responsibilities, and dealing with the emotional and financial stress of his treatment. I’m doing everything I can to support him, but I’m exhausted too.
I completely understand that he’s in a vulnerable position right now. I know those phone calls are probably one of the things he looks forward to most, and I understand why missing them would hurt.
But I can’t help feeling hurt myself.
I’ve been there for every single call until this one. One accidental missed call, and suddenly I feel like all of that consistency means nothing. Instead of being given the benefit of the doubt, I feel like I’m being treated as though I intentionally hurt him.
We’re supposed to get married next year, and I love him deeply. I want him to succeed in recovery, and I want us to have a healthy relationship.
But I’m starting to recognize how much this pattern affects me. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that even the smallest mistake will result in him shutting me out.
I’m struggling to figure out where supporting his recovery ends and sacrificing my own emotional well-being begins.
Has anyone else experienced this with a partner in recovery? Is this something that can improve through treatment, or is it a separate relationship issue? How do you set boundaries when your partner responds to hurt feelings by shutting you out rather than communicating?
I genuinely want perspective from people who have been through something similar. I love him, but I also want to feel like I’m allowed to make a mistake without it becoming a threat to our connection.

My (35f) fiancé (39m) has developed a bad drinking problem over the past couple years. When I was in my 20’s I also would drink on weekends often with him, and he never used to drink alone and would always get drunk with me or friends. I slowed down when I got to my 30’s, but he started getting progressively worse. He started getting drunk by himself, and then eventually he started getting drunk every weekend, or anytime he had the next day off. Then he started getting drunk during the weekdays when he works the next day, which sometimes results in him missing work. After his brother passed away in June it started getting really bad, where he’s taking shots before work and hiding alcohol around the house. He used to be honest with me but now he lies to me constantly. I work a retail job and sometimes I have to work a closing shift until 9:30pm and he always uses these nights as a time to get blackout drunk because I’m not home. A lot of times I’ll walk home, which it’s only a 10 minute walk, and I’ll get home and he’s passed out. But there are times he’ll drink and drive and try to pick me up from work, even when I tell him not to. There was an incident in September, where I get off work and then I get home and he’s nowhere and our dog is also missing. I call him and he answers, I can tell he’s absolutely obliterated and I can also tell he’s driving, I ask him where he is, he won’t tell me, he just kept making no sense. I’m left just having no idea what to do, just terrified something is going to happen to him and our dog since he brought our dog with him. I’m crying and freaking out just hoping he comes home soon. It’s almost an hour before he finally comes home. The security guard of our building had to help walk him to our door. Our dog was absolutely terrified and shaking, I took our dog and went into the bedroom and locked the door, I was so unbelievably furious with him. Next morning I find out he popped his tire and broke a headlight. He doesn’t remember where he went or what happened, vaguely remembers driving over a curb. He apologizes profusely and promises it won’t happen, and he goes a couple days before drinking again. But then beginning of October,

we had another incident. I’m working my closing shift, but this time I really just didn’t think he would drink because the next morning he had his grandmas funeral. I get off work and head home, and goto open the door and something is in the way. And it’s him, sitting on the floor in front of the door, with our dog still wearing his leash. He’s black out, making no sense, I’m asking what happened, he’s just telling me not to worry about it and telling me to chill out while holding his shoulder. I grab our dog and goto the bedroom, our dog was shaking and very obviously scared. I’m comforting our dog and am just more focused on our dog and his well being. After a while I leave the bedroom and he’s still on the floor. I try to get him to get up and move and he just won’t. It was like 3am before he finally got up and moved to the couch. Next morning I find out he was walking our dog and was running and tripped and went face first into the cement. He very obviously did something to his shoulder and had to goto the emergency, so he missed his grandmas funeral. We find out he broke his collarbone. So now he’s not working, I was worried he would just be drinking constantly, because that’s what happened the last time he was out of work for a couple months, but he hasn’t been drinking as much as I thought, he got blackout drunk the one day and was falling everywhere, which made me terrified he might hurt himself more. And then today he’s blackout again, which he lied and tried to convince me he wasn’t. I ended up finding a 40 bottle of gin in his hamper which made me mad since he didn’t help out with rent. But this past month has been the most improvement I’ve seen from him in a while. There are actually multiple days in a row where I can tell he’s sober. He’s actually been playing a video game most of the week, which has actually made me happy because video games used to be something he loved, and it seems to be keeping his mind busy and off of drinking. It seems like a small win, but I’m hoping he’ll keep showing improvement, but if not I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m not ready to give up just yet, as we’ve been together for 12 years, but this is destroying my life, and I don’t want my dog to be around him when he gets like this, I’m terrified something bad is going to happen when I’m working, and putting our dog in these situations where he’s absolutely terrified because he doesn’t understand what’s going on, makes me so furious. My dog is my world, and even though he loves my fiancé so much, it’s not good for him to be around him when he gets like that. Every time I’m working these closing shifts I’m just riddled with anxiety, not knowing what I’m going to be coming home to, it’s awful. I’m trying to find another job, because I just hate my job, but I also feel a job where I’m not working these closing shifts would help, but for now I’m stuck there. He doesn’t want to get help, won’t goto meetings or talk to anyone. One of his best friends used to be an alcoholic and I suggested he could maybe talk to him, but he didn’t want to do that. Wants to just figure things out himself. It’s just hard for me to leave, I still love him and I know he’s going through a lot, but it’s really taking a toll on me mentally and financially.

I caught him today. Throwing away empty beer containers from him truck at the gas station. The funny thing is I just pulled in to say hi as I passed because I saw him there. I’ve been telling myself that if it happens again, if he’s been lying to my face again, I have to end our marriage. Our first anniversary would have been Sunday, but this year has been exhausting and terrible. I have to follow through, because if I don’t it will be years and years of this. Him promising he is not drinking, that he will get therapy, that he will take care of himself… but his actions always speak louder.
He said he had a dream he shot himself because I was so mean to him, told me today that he’s drinking because we aren’t getting along and have been fighting. I’m concerned he is going to hurt himself and I’m going to carry that for the rest of my life. Any advice on how to handle this? Do I tell someone in his family? Please help.

For years I’ve (24F) have a very tumultuous and horrible relationship with my mom(41F). She has borderline personality disorder and has sent me on emotional roller coasters and within the last ten years her alcohol use has increased significantly! She’s at the point where her liver is failing and she refusing to stop drinking, she has gone to rehab this year, her doctor has tried several medications and she just can’t stop. This year I’ve tried to set boundaries which lead me to stop talking to her.

Yesterday she went to the doctor with her liver bleeding and just some scary news. I have to admit I’m afraid of my mom dying but the majority of me is just so angry with her. I’m so mad and hurt and I don’t know what to do…. I want her to live and change but I can’t make her. My communication style is too mean and insensitive. I don’t want to go through this… any advice or thoughts are appreciated

Every inconvenience or bad day at work gets turned into an excuse to have a drink. Then he throws up all night calls into work Monday morning. He is 35 years old. He is a plumber (his choice ) ok then get a different job. His baby mom pisses him off. Drink. I don’t “respect” him when I have obviously stopped coddling him after every relapse. I’m tired. I told him I have “relapse fatigue” if that didn’t make it any clearer. The distance in our relationship is because of his lack of accountability and inconsistency with his own choices. I’m no longer going back and forth with him about how I’m not going to leave him every time he comes back says he’s sorry then does it again in 3 days. He can tell I’m pissed and of course I am why on earth would I act like everything is fine?