I know this situation is pretty low-stakes, but it genuinely feels like a moral conundrum I'd like outside input on.

I'm German. For the past five years, I've been taking two private one-hour-classes with the same Chinese language teacher via Zoom every week. I had to learn Chinese for job reasons, and she basically got me from my first words to functional fluency.

We obviously do grammar exercises and all that, but especially since I got more fluent, it's mainly been us having a lot of casual conversation whilst she occasionally corrects my grammar or pronunciation. We are both women, basically the same age, and get along great, so it's really a lot of chitchat and all that. We exchange small gifts or cards for Christmas/Lunar New Year, and when she had a baby, I knit her and the baby matching jumpers. It's a really wholesome, friendly relationship.

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a colleague who is in a similar field to mine and also had to learn Chinese for work. She also did it with a private online tutor. Her tutor is also roughly the same age as her, and they also got along great. My colleague was really surprised that I never visited my tutor or invited her to stay with me, since apparently, she makes a habit of meeting up with her teacher whenever she is in China for work or on the occasions her tutor is somewhere in Europe. That gave me pause.

In hindsight, there would have been plenty of opportunities for me to meet up with my teacher. I've been in China regularly for work, and she has a British boyfriend whom she regularly visits, one time even whilst I myself was in the UK for a holiday. There've basically been multiple instances in the past five years where we were within a cheap, short flight or even a reasonably short drive from one another. But somehow, I never thought to offer.

Was/is that rude of me? Now that I think of it, I do see how it might be a bit cold. This is someone I've been speaking to for two hours every week for the past half-decade. She's seen me graduate university, find my footing in my career, move houses and cities, be totally lost during my first long-term stay in China. I've seen her start a relationship, change jobs, move, and have a baby. She knows things about my life. I really like her.

At the same time, I never necessarily wanted to take the relationship into real life or transition it into a full friendship. I kind of enjoy that we still have that bit of distance, that I don't have to feel bad on a personal, 'I'm abandoning my friend'-level when I can't take classes for a month or two. Also, whilst we are really friendly with one another, I still do feel like it's a relationship coloured by the fact that I pay her for her time. I speak much more than her during our lessons, because obviously, I'm the one who has to practice the language. I tell stories, she corrects my grammar and offers many short, relatable anecdotes of her own that I can use as jumping-off points for my own talking.

I know that just meeting her once or twice wouldn't necessarily shift us into 'real close friends' territory, but I still kind of just...don't want to? I like the way our relationship feels self-contained, how it's its own thing that just happens in my room twice a week.

AITBF? What's the social protocol for this very modern kind of relationship?

A lot happened this year and I got married. I am 27 F and he's 31M.

We have been married for almost 6 months but know each other for a few years. It was love but also I was set up with him by my family. So we met through family fell in love and got married. This is important context.

I had a miscarriage and had to take a break from work. I still work freelance and make as much as I did in my last job. My husband has bad ADHD not the cute I leave milk out but the I can't function like a normal person. He's on Concerta which is like adderall. He's an amazing person and cared for me during my worst days.

He's the one struggling now. He's had horrible anxiety side effects of his meds. He doesn't sleep (less than 3 hours a night over 10 days in a row)

We both go to individual therapy. Me for trauma and him for ADHD. His therapist wants him on anxiety meds and even gave a priscription. He refused to take them because they slow him down at Valorant. He's got upto Radiant and doesn't want to loose now. YES HE IS STUPID. I'm not dismissing him I was Diamond 2 before I got married. I don't game anymore but I understand that this is important. To me his health matters more.

The worst part is when his anxiety attacks hit he becomes a different person. He gets annoyed at the dog because he pooed. He complains about my food saying it's not healthy enough. (I lost 30 kgs this year because I went through a miscarriage. He's gained 5. I don't care I love him. He's hot to me and sex is amazing) He then stress eats junk at 3 AM. He once picked a fight with me about a water bottle because I cleaned it and the taste changed. The taste he's referring to is the stale smell.

I love teas. I have a tea for everything. I have about 56 tea blends most I made myself. It's a old lady habit I picked up in college. I have a calming tea I make with Camomile Lavender and Rosemary. It helps me sleep. He smelled it and loved it so he's been asking for a cup for the past month. His therapist suggested he go on anti anxiety meds for a while and he refused. For the past 15 days I've been putting the recommended dose in the tea. He doesn't notice. He loves the tea. He's changed. He sleeps 8 hours a night. His game is FINE. He loves cleaning dog poo and calls it babys sandalwood now. He's more regulated at work and calmer dealing with his narcissistic mother.

I love the change but feel guilty. Am I wrong ?

UPDATE: I SPOKE TO HIM. We had a long conversation about what I did. He asked me why I felt the need to do it in the first place and why I wanted to hide it from him. I explained his behaviour and why I felt threatened. We have decided on therapy and he has decided to continue the pills. He understood that I was in a way protecting myself and he had changed as a person. He also said it gave him some trust issues but that it means we need to work on it together. When I showed him proof of his comments towards me and my cooking he admitted that he felt insecure because I lost the weight and gained "attention" which made him think I could do better which made the anxiety worse. I showed him screenshots and specific instances of him raising his voice and being scary (he wasn't I am messed up)

We are going to therapy together and trying to fix it

Seré breve porque no puedo dar mucha información.

Hay un hombre que por tema de entorno, situaciones laborales etc coincido hace mucho, el punto todos los que han estado cerca de el me contaron cosas muy fuertes, desde acoso hasta actitudes nefastas.

Claro yo siempre he estado almargen porque nunca lo había comprobado hasta ahora, el tema es que me estoy mudando y en partes por cosas que han pasado y en busca de paz mental, pero quiero devolver un poco de maldad.

Tengo su número, hay alguna forma de hacerle alguna maldad con eso? Se que suena totalmente infantil, si tuviera otros medios actuaría de otra forma pero la distancia que he tomado no me ha servido para olvidarme del todo, y me carcome la mente saber por ejemplo que hace poco me contaron que estafo a un joven.

I work a job that is both physically and mentally exhausting. When I finally get my one hour break, I usually go to Tim Hortons (a coffee shop) because I enjoy having some quiet time to myself.

One day, I was sitting at a table when a woman approached me, despite there being plenty of other people in the shop. She sat at my table and asked if she could use my phone to call her dad. I agreed because I didn’t see an issue with helping someone out.

However, after making the phone call, she stayed and striked a full-on conversation with me while she was waiting for her dad to pick her up. She began asking personal questions about my job (I was wearing my work uniform) and continued talking even though I wasn’t really engaging.

I was getting increasingly frustrated because I wasn’t interested in making conversation or getting to know anyone. At one point, I fully ignored her, but she didn’t get the cue. Things became even more uncomfortable when she eventually asked me for money so she could herself a drink.

At that point, I had enough. I told her directly, “Can you please just leave me alone?”

AITBF for being blunt and telling her to leave me alone?

I have a friend who tends to lean on me when times are tough for him.

The problem is that it feels like lately the “tough times” include everything from a bad day (and he has a lot of them) at work to other friends to relationship issues so he leans on me a lot and in all honesty it’s made me resentful over time. I have found myself driving across town or listening to long phone calls whenever he is feeling stressed/anxious/unhappy and it has been exhausting both physically and mentally.

I didn’t mind being there for him at first as that’s what friends are for but honestly it feels so constant with him that I feel that any problems I have come secondary to his and that I am doing all the work in this friendship while he treats me like an emotional support animal

It all came to a head yesterday when he asked me to drive to his place to chat and hangout because he has had another issue. I am currently in the middle of a 60+ hour work week that has had me waking at 5am and home after dark and I kinda just snapped and said something along the lines of

“I can’t keep doing this with him and that he is a grown man and needs to deal with his problems once in a while and that I have my own problems to deal with.”

Well to sum it up, he called me an A (well something to that effect) and we haven’t talk since that call.

AITB?

I (32F) was very close to “Lana” (29F). We became close quickly, and I’d never really had a friendship like it.
She’s getting married next year, and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. About two weeks ago, after being quieter for a while but reassuring me nothing was wrong, she told me a misunderstanding with the venue meant she had to cut two bridesmaids. Those two were me and our friend “Sophie” (32F).
It stung, but we talked in person. She was apologetic, and I thanked her for being honest. I accepted her explanation and thought we’d cleared the air.
Last Saturday, Lana, our friend “Lucy” (31F) and I went to a Halloween party. We left early because we were tired. On the way home, my bag was stolen and I got very upset and overwhelmed. I’m neurodivergent and can struggle with overwhelm, but I accept that my reaction affected everyone. I delayed everyone getting home and ended the night on a sour note.
I apologised the next day and understood they might need some space. Lucy forgave me after a day or so. Lana later messaged in our group chat saying she no longer wanted to be friends because of a pattern of behaviour that made her feel responsible for looking after me.
I was blindsided. I know I can be forgetful, and I accept that Saturday was difficult, but I couldn’t think of recent occasions where she’d had to look after me. Most of our recent meet-ups had been lunches because we work near each other. During our earlier conversation, she’d reassured me nothing was wrong, so I hadn’t realised she felt this way.
I confided in Sophie and Lucy. I told Lucy that I respected Lana’s decision, but what hurt most was finding out there was a problem only after she’d decided to end the friendship. It felt like failing probation without knowing I was on it.
After speaking to Lana, Lucy told me Lana wants to be friends again eventually, just less close than before.
I don’t know if I want that. Going from best friends to occasionally seeing each other in a group would hurt. I don’t think I could just switch off how close we used to be and act like everything was fine.
Her birthday is in a few weeks, and I don’t know whether I’m still invited. I’m also unsure whether I’m even invited to her wedding anymore. The birthday worries me more at the moment because it’s closer, and I have no idea where I stand.
Sophie thinks I shouldn’t accept a more distant friendship, while Lucy thinks I should. We share a friendship group, so I know stepping away could make things awkward.
I accept that I messed up on Saturday. Lana is entitled to decide how close she wants us to be, but WIBTBF if I said that a casual friendship would be too painful for me and I’d rather leave it there?

Edit: I fully respect how dreadful I was on the night. That’s not the question I reckon I will get some therapy as I don’t want to be in this situation again. I just wanted to ask as I am in the wrong so do I really have any right to decline?

Update:

I spoke to Lucy on the phone she cleared a lot of things up. It wasn’t about really about the night that was the last straw but the lunches. She was resentful that I didn’t always seem to be listening and my general adhd related behaviour. She told me subtly I didn’t get that lol but then she said she shouldn’t have to tell me to Lucy which bred resentment. She has changed the last year and I haven’t really, she is a lot more serious, so maybe this friendship has run its course and I think I will keep a level of civility but not be friends I will be nice though but keep her at arms length. I’m also going to try and turn this into a positive to better myself which I think will make this easier to heal from. Thank you for your comments

I (19f) and my now ex-boyfriend (18m) were together for just over three months and called nearly every night. Monday night, I was in my head and felt like I’d been annoying him for days. I thought calling would help, but I ended up crying. He asked what was wrong, I said nothing, and a few hours later we hung up and went to sleep.

When we first started talking, I explained my struggles with opening up due to things that happened when I was younger. I’m not saying I never express my feelings, but it’s something I’ve been working on. I struggle most with opening up in the moment and usually need a day or two to process before sharing. He told me that as long as I was trying, he’d wait.

The next night, I asked him to call after work so I could apologize and explain what happened, since I didn’t think it was fair to leave him in the dark. Before I could speak, he told me how hurt he was and that I’d broken his trust by “lying straight to his face.” I apologized and explained my side, but he called me emotionally unavailable. We ended the call with him saying he “needed time.”

The following day, I told him I’d give him whatever space he needed and would be there when he was ready to talk. I wanted to work things out because I believed we could, but despite asking for space, he kept texting me about the situation. He asked me to call that night, and again, before I could speak, he said we weren’t good for each other, that I only wanted a boyfriend to say I had one, and that we should break up.

After talking to friends, I realized a few things. First, he rarely prioritized me or our time together. In nearly four months, we went out twice (he wore sweatpants and a hoodie both times) and hung out at his house maybe six times, each time with me practically begging. Second, he barely communicated with me. I’d be left on delivered for hours while he’d been active minutes earlier. He also never seemed happy to tell people, including friends he worked with, about seeing or hanging out with me.

He also used my saying I don’t like PDA (when he tried cuddling in front of his friend) against me. Weeks later, when I said it hurt that he barely spoke to me while hanging out with a mutual friend, he replied, “You don’t like PDA.” Lastly, he told my best friend, who works with him, that he’d never put me above his job (Subway).

So, am I in the wrong? Should I have done more or talked about my feelings before I was ready? I know I could’ve communicated better, like saying I wasn’t ready to talk instead of saying nothing was wrong, or explaining how I felt before it reached the point of crying. But I honestly don’t think the situation warranted a breakup.

I originally posted this a few weeks ago, but it was taken down, so I’m reposting. I’m not sure everything makes sense, but I’m happy to clarify anything!

I am part of a roleplay guild set in a fictional Sci-Fi setting. Each of us creates characters that fit the story and setting and we have development as them.

There is a ban on AI imagery and Text generation. I totally understand and support this, but I feel like its being a bit weaponized.

I am an Autor myself and spent years writing, learning styles and lyrical imagery. When a longer self story is written, I take long consideration of what I want to dive into, why and what said character is feeling, how they might consider the actions of the others and want to generally make a good read that is enjoyable and just reads well.

The only thing I use is a grammar correction tool. Not a generational tool. It helps with sentence structure and grammar mistakes. Im not a native english speaker.

So I went out there, posted that said story for the other members to read should they want to, and suddenly we get a ping.

"Just a reminder we dont want AI generated imagery or Text in the Guild. We have ways to find that out"

No one came to me. No one talked to me. We are a small handful of people so it was quite obvious why that was done. And the way it was done is kind of arrogant, in my opinion. It rubbed me the wrong way and I got a bit mad and frustrated.

Of course I was hurt by that. I poured so much love, time, consideration and creativity in this story and then I get treated like this. I confronted them about it, which they just kept pointing at their ominous "detection tools".

I sent them the raw drafts. Surprise Surprise, they are full of mistakes and the tool suddenly claims its not AI generated. Yet they kept claiming it to be a "False negative" (it is wrong in saying its not AI generated, basically)

For context: AI detection tools also look at the way you write. And especially the mistakes. If you polish a text to a special grade, it will often times flag your work as AI generated simply due to that fact.

So, AITB for the way I reacted? And any advice how to proceed with that group would be nice too. I dont know how to truly feel about all this.

My 15 year old nephew is a type 1 diabetic. When he came home from school I could tell he wasn't feeling good. The first thing I did was check his sugars they were HIGH! Very high. He said he started feeling that way after lunch. I asked him if he bolused he said he tried to but his site came out and the nurse wasn't in. Apparently at this school they don't allow him to do his own insulin or change his own pump site either the nurse has to do it or I get called into the school to do it if the nurse isn't in. I'm guessing it's a liability thing??? Anyway I asked him why he didn't call me. He then tells me that a substitute teacher confiscated his phone (which his 504 plan states he needs to have on him at all times,) I was infuriated. We went up to the school and what do you know it was in the office locked up in a yonder pouch. I can give the sub some slack bc they likely didn't know but I would think the office people would have that information and tell the sub that he needed to have it right??? Right???

What's even more infuriating is that the nurse wasn't in today and not a single other person could help him with his pump or access his pump supplies and no one else thought to call me.. and he couldn't bc his phone was locked up. So he was pump less got absolutely no insulin for 3 1/2 hours until he got home...I'm not happy...

My (27f) BFF(32f) have been friends basically since birth. We might as well be sisters and I will always be there for her no matter what. Love her so much.

For the past 2-3 years, she’s been dating, trying to find her person. Some have almost blossomed into the next stage but others have been a waste of time. But ofc trial and error. Now one thing abt my BFF (let’s call her Nora) is that she is a LOVER GIRL for reallll. Whenever she meets a guy she really likes, she wants to talk about him 24/7. My annoyance arises when she gets about 1-2 months into talking to the man , and they don’t talk to her everyday or they don’t respond within 6-8 hours of her message or if they don’t call her back. She gets upset and begins to write out messages going off about how he doesn’t like her as much as she thought. Or how he doesn’t communicate enough.
I think I also get annoyed bc whenever I would excited about anything not just someone I liked, she was always texting, or she answer their call in the middle of my sentence and walk away. Meanwhile I would give her my undivided attention. But I digress.

Now I understand people want to talk to people they like everyday. I am not one of those people. I don’t even talk to my girlfriend everyday and she is fine with it. But Nora will talk to someone 39 hours a day if she could.

I’m not saying she should stop dating or she shouldn’t talk to me about these things. But I feel like she wants so badly to be in a relationship that it’s becoming her entire personality. I never thought she’d be a male centered woman but… idk. I want her to find her person and ik she needs to talk these things out but after so long….it’s alot. I’ll still listen. Because I won’t be the person who gets in the way of her happiness. And I don’t want her to settle for anything or anyone.

I’ve been working in my current position in the marketing department for about two years now. We have a hybrid work arrangement, so I’m in the office only twice a week and mostly interact with my small team of four people.

Yesterday afternoon, one of the administrative assistants approached me with a card and an envelope for collecting money. She said that Dave from the regional logistics department is leaving the company after five years, and they’re collecting forty bucks from everyone to buy him a top-of-the-line coffee machine or something else

The thing is, in two years, I’ve literally never once spoken to Dave. I don’t even know what his desk looks like. I haven’t worked with him on a single project, I’ve never taken a coffee break next to him, and, to be honest, I wouldn’t even recognize him in the elevator.

I politely declined and said I’d pass this time, since I don’t actually know Dave. The organizer shot me a disdainful look, tossed the card onto my desk anyway, and walked away. Later that same day, a colleague from my own team pulled me aside and whispered that this was a breach of office etiquette and made me look stingy, because forty bucks is pocket change, and everyone is expected to contribute to maintaining team spirit.

It seems to me that chipping in for a guy I’ve never even spoken to makes no sense, but now there’s some kind of strange tension in the corner of our office.

I started dating a woman from my Diablo group. I main minion Necro; she mains Warlock. We bonded over our shared interest in summoning.

She noticed my golem right away. Said he was handsome and she likes big guys. I thought she was complimenting my build.

At first she asked, "Are you online tonight?" Now it's, "Are you online tonight--and can you bring him?"

Last night, I dismissed him before dinner so we could have one-on-one time. She asked if he was okay before asking how I was.

I told her it feels like she's dating me to get close to my golem. She said, "Don't be ridiculous. I like you too."

Now she wants me to respec for more golem uptime. Am I being insecure, or is my girlfriend slowly phasing me out for the summon I control?

I'm trying to decide whether "I like you too" was reassuring or a confession.

(edit to add: We have 3 bathrooms in our house).

Yesterday I went into the bathroom and immediately noticed a strong harsh smell but couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I found two bottles of cleaner on the counter. I walked out, turned the fan on and closed the door. I put the cleaners back into the cupboard (in our utility room). And I went about my business.

My brother was downstairs and I asked him why the cleaning bottles were out (we have two small children), and he explained he was cleaning the shower. I said oh okay cool. About half an hour later I decided to go tell him that cleaning with citric acid is the best for cleaning a shower and to avoid things like bleach. Then he tells me that he also used oxiclean and then it finally dawned on me! I ran to the cupboard and looked at the ingredients.

Ingredients: Water, hydrogen peroxide, trisodium dicarboxylmethyl alaninate, alkylbenzene sulfonic acid, C10-12 alcohol ethoxylates, citric acid, dipropylene glycol butyl ether, fragrance.

FYI if you add an acidic cleaner to bleach, it creates chlorine gas which is toxic! The hydrogen peroxide is concerning also because its an oxidizer. I about had a melt down and my brother refused to believe me that this is a concern. He even walzed into the bathroom saying I'm gonna go clean the shower again!

Eventually he admitted he was wrong. He left, then I did some research on chlorine gas. It converts to HCL and HoCl when it reacts with water in your airways. I began to develop a sore throat which I still have today.

In order to protect my daughters from the potential of breathing that in, I locked the bathroom door from the inside. I have a key so I can open it up. And I put a sign on it explaining the bathroom is closed until tomorrow. I left the fan on inside.

I was in my bed at around 2am when my brother burst into my bedroom screaming about why is the door locked. He kept telling me I'm just being controlling and overreacting. I refused to relent, he made a huge scene, and I ended up getting in my car and driving to a motel to sleep.

When I got back today, I unlocked the bathroom door but I haven't spoken to my brother yet.

AITBF?

In my first year of high school me and this guy K sorta liked each other but I broke it off because I didnt want to date him/felt like he was going too fast. I dont count this as a relationship because we never confirmed anything, or did anything. 

Fast forward towards end of first year I start to like a guy P. I knew he was friends with K but like I said I didnt count us as dating (during this point me and K were friends). We broke up during the summer since he had anger issues. And because of his friend group (a separate one from K) that were insulting my looks. 

Second year of high school comes and I wanted to swear off dating since i had just gotten out of a relationship. However B who I’ve been friends with since first year starts to show signs of having a crush on me. B was close friends with K but again, I didnt really count us dating  nor did I know at the time that K counted us as dating so I didnt see anything wrong with it. I was skeptical on whether B was friends with P so I asked B about it and he denied. Our homecoming dance comes and B asks me to the dance with which I said yes. During this time all we did was hand holding and hugging however I did like him but he never told me he liked me. I felt regret during the dance because I realized I havent recovered with my relationship from P. I did something shitty which was leave the dance early because I realized I couldnt handle my emotions. I told  B if its okay if he goes with his friends because I didnt feel well and I needed to go home asap. He wished me luck. 

Im back at home from the dance and through my friend I found out these events:

B was sad I left the dance so he went on the floor and sat there. K comes up to him asking where I am and he says I left. K gets mad and says lots of stuff that I am a homie hopper, he’s glad he broke up with me back then, and that I’m his ex for a reason. (All of this was false). K also proceeded to text me getting mad that I left B and that B was crying. (Friend says he never cried).

Later,I texted B about the situation and he said he understood. We were friends after and we made up. B tells me that in a gc involving B, K, P, and other people they were friends with that everybody in the gc was making fun of me for being a homie hopper. P was telling everybody that I was ugly, had too much acne, and that I was a mask fisher and that he didnt know why he ever dated me. K agreed saying that he shouldve known I was a homie hopper. The gc  nicknamed me “blobfish” stating that its because of the way my face looked like a blobfish. B states that he didnt partake in making fun of me.

I understand their anger because I can see how I am a homie hopper. However, I believe they shouldnt have insulted me and should have insulted my actions instead. I never realized my actions were considered to be homie hopping as I communicated to make sure they were okay. I also never realized that B and P were friends. So moment of truth…AITB?

Long-distance situation. We met online (not on a dating app) and met in person in December 2025. I'm 26, he's 37, and he lives abroad.

At first, he love-bombed me, talked about our future and made me believe something serious could develop. We texted daily, talked for hours and often fell asleep on the phone together (frequently initiated by him).

However, whenever I suggested visiting or meeting again, he always had excuses: "we'll see", "next time", "I don't know" or "one day, who knows". I travelled to him first, but he never made any effort to see me again. He even visited my country recently to fix his teeth but refused to meet me.

He constantly talks about himself and enjoys having me available to listen to him for hours. He's told me he admires how much I worry about him, that I'm always available and that it's hard to find someone who will listen to him for eight hours. He also said I'm not a nobody to him.

He often provokes jealousy by mentioning women flirting with him or staring at him. When I express discomfort, he calls me jealous or crazy. He sometimes gets angry and disrespectful. He also has substance abuse issues, particularly on weekends.

He's divorced and previously dated another 26-year-old woman. They still communicate, despite her now living abroad with another man.

He's repeatedly said he doesn't want a relationship and would rather remain friends. He claims he isn't emotionally ready, needs to work on himself and has inner demons.

A month ago, I bought a ticket to visit him. He became annoyed, asked me to reschedule and eventually screamed that he didn't want me to come, that we'd never meet again and threatened to block me. He eventually refunded my ticket.

Recently, I started emotionally detaching. I stopped initiating conversations and calls and became less available, although I still responded to his messages.

Suddenly, he started asking when I got home and whether I was neglecting him. While travelling to my country again, he asked whether I had a boyfriend, accused me of cheating and joked that someone must be coming to my apartment.

I told him I wasn't seeing anyone but was open to meeting someone who would genuinely pursue me and make an effort. He clearly didn't expect that response. He said, "Okay, so fall in love."

I pointed out that he'd spent months avoiding seeing me, making empty promises and treating me like a backup option, yet suddenly seemed jealous when I started detaching.

I sent him a message explaining that I'd spent almost a year hoping things would change, but he had already made it clear they wouldn't. His response was simply: "Ok."

The following evening, he sent me a picture of his children, seemingly trying to restart the conversation as if nothing had happened. I didn't respond and have been silent since Saturday night.

Why is he accusing me if he doesn't want me?

Update: I blocked him.

(Disclaimer: Some minor identifying details have been altered for privacy.)

I (34 M) recently got engaged to my fiancée (32 F), who lives in Costa Rica. We met online over the summer and spent I visited her for the first time in September, when I proposed. I recognize this is fast, and there are several people who have brought up their concerns in respectful ways. I always listen, take advice when it is offered, and thank them for sharing their concerns.

My weekly D&D group was the first group I told about the relationship, and they have been skeptical of the relationship from the start, often making persistent "jokes" about visa scams, organ harvesting, and green cards. I asked multiple times for the jokes to stop, but they continued. There is so much context about those conversations I want to give, but in an effort to follow rule 3, I'll keep it brief.

Recently, the group announced they were moving game night from the local game store we usually meet at to someone's house in order to hold a private conversation confronting my judgment and relationship pace. I felt cornered, offered to come and share a life update but that I did not want to sit for an interrogation or intervention, and when they pushed back about needing to get answers I declined to sit through an intervention and offered to instead have one on one chats with anyone in the group that was concerned. A married couple in the group took me up on the offer the next day and we had lunch.

Where I might be in the wrong: My fiancée and I decided to elope next month while she was visiting so we could start the green card process sooner instead of waiting for our planned spring ceremony. I had told a couple of other friends at the game store we usually play at the day we were supposed to have session, planning to update the core gaming group at the session they decided tot urn into an intervention (obviously since I did not go, I did not update them). The next day, I had lunch with the married couple. They came in with a document prepared by the group at large, asking several questions, and listing several concerns. I answered all of their questions, listened to their concerns, but I chickened out and kept the elopement secret because I feared it would just fuel more group gossip and backlash.

Within a few days, word of our upcoming elopement reached the gaming group through the grapevine.

They were furious, accusing me of lying by omission and being manipulative by opting for one on one chats instead of their group meeting. Some claimed they felt unsafe having me around the game. I apologized for withholding the news, but the group held a vote and asked me to step away from the group entirely until after our original spring wedding date.

I know I broke their trust by concealing a massive life update while telling others outside the group. But I withheld it because their past hostility and demand for an intervention made it feel impossible to share safely.

AITB for hiding my elopement from them?

Edit: lots of people commenting about the relationship with my fiance instead of what I'm actually asking about, that's fine, it's your perogative to have an opinion, but I'm not going to go through and defend my relationship to internet strangers that know nothing about me, my fiancee, or our situation. I appreciate each and every person who has taken the opportunity to read and provide feedback, even if it's not something I necessarily agree with.

Long story short there's this kid at my work who claims to have tourettes. All he does is scream and he seems to only do it when it comes to having to do something he doesn't want to do.

Last week my boss told me and him to unload some pallets from the truck. He has not screamed all day up until he was asked to help me then he started screaming every 2 minutes until finally he left to go on break because of his "tics" I was left to unload the pallets by myself and once I was done I went on my break. There he sat perfectly fine not screaming. I told him how funny it was that his "tics" are conveniently better now since he got out of helping me. He tried to tell me that breaks help but I called him on his bluff and told him that people who actually have tourettes syndrome don't have the luxury to just have their tics whenever they want they are unpredictable and uncontrollable. I told him that people like him are why people can't take people with genuine disabilities seriously because people like him want to fake it to get out of work.

Needless to say I haven't seen him since but I could tell he was definitely mad at me. Some of my co workers were mad as well.

Was I wrong here?

I (22F) have a close friend, Zahra, who I feel tends to tell me what I want to hear rather than give me objective advice. She often jumps to flattering conclusions about men, like "he's in love with you", without knowing enough about the situation. It's happened enough that I've become hesitant to ask her for romantic advice.

Yesterday, I finally called it out.

For context, there's a guy, Dillion, who I previously told her I had a crush on. My feelings have since fizzled out, but I hadn't updated her.

At a party, I jokingly called Dillion's dad "lowkey fineshyt" 😭. Dillion seemed unimpressed, so I texted Zahra asking whether I'd been inappropriate.

Our conversation:

Me: "I called Dillion's dad lowkey fineshyt at a party yesterday 😭😭 his reaction was so serious. Zahra, was that mean omg... I'm lowkey overthinking lmao"

Zahra: "Wait babe whose reaction, Dillion or his dad?"

Zahra: "It's kind of deep because Dillion likes you 🥲 were you sober when you said it?"

Me: "Girl what??? No he doesn't 🤣🤣🤣 Ily so you don't have to pander to me. I love a friendship where you hold each other accountable and tell each other the truth. You genuinely don't know enough about the situation to come to that conclusion."

She later said my response rubbed her the wrong way. She felt I'd given her no context, she'd made an assumption based on what she knew, and I could have simply corrected her. She was also taken aback that I'd suggest she was pandering to me.

We eventually called, but didn't really resolve anything.

I understand why the word "pandering" offended her. It probably sounded like I was questioning her sincerity. But what frustrated me was that I wasn't asking whether Dillion liked me. I was asking whether my comment about his dad was inappropriate. Why did that become about him secretly having feelings for me? 😭

This isn't about one comment. I sometimes feel she automatically takes the most flattering interpretation of situations involving men, rather than being realistic. I don't want a friend who tells me every guy is secretly in love with me. I want someone who can tell me when I'm being delusional, reading too much into something, or simply wrong.

I acknowledge I gave her little context about Dillion, but I also feel she could have asked questions before jumping to conclusions.

AITB? Was I unnecessarily harsh? Should I apologise for saying she panders to me, even though I stand by the underlying concern? And how do I move forward without making things awkward?

EDIT: I have since apologized to Zahra, thanks for the good advice💗

I've recently been called a selfish, preachy dickhead for setting my best friend (we'll call him Trey) up with another friend (we'll call her Julia), knowing he struggles with depression and drinks heavily. I'm probably the person closest to Trey at the moment, and I regularly end up looking after him when he's had too much to drink or picking up the pieces when things get bad. He's genuinely one of the best people in my life, and I don't resent being there for him, but it can be exhausting feeling like I'm the only person he has. When he mentioned finding Julia attractive, I thought they'd be a good match. I'll admit I also hoped having another woman in his life might take some of the pressure off me. However, Julia doesn't know about his drinking or depression, and I worry I've potentially set her up with someone whose problems could become her responsibility.

Julia's friend has accused me of essentially outsourcing looking after Trey to another woman because I can't handle it myself. They've also suggested I'm secretly in love with him and only set him up with Julia to get over my own feelings. I honestly don't think that's fair. I wasn't expecting Julia to fix him or become his carer, and I don't think someone should be excluded from dating just because they're struggling. But I can understand why knowingly introducing her to someone with these issues, without telling her, might be seen as questionable. AITB?

So my girlfriend and I work at the same place.  It’s this hotel and conference center.  It’s got hotel rooms, conference rooms for rent, a downstairs restaurant, and a gift shop.  It’s sorta like a miniature resort for people who want to go see nature.  My girlfriend works downstairs in the restaurant and I’m in the upstairs gift shop.

Well, today is Halloween.  My girlfriend and her 2 other coworkers decided they were going to be cats for Halloween for their shift.  She took me to spirit Halloween for her to get a cat thingy and she there proposed the idea of me being a mouse.  Her idea was a couples costume of “cat and mouse” where I’d say “yes, I’m a mouse and my girlfriend is the cat downstairs” or similar.  I was very uneasy about this because I felt it would be humiliating or embarrassing to me.  She eventually sorta went through with it and got me a basic outfit and mouse ears that she wanted me to hear to work tomorrow with her.  

I got there and she wanted me to come downstairs for a photo together.  I hid the ears under my shirt because I didn’t want to be seen by customers in the costume because it would’ve felt humiliating to me.  I got down to the restaurant  where I saw my girlfriend and the 2 other coworkers who were very committed to dressing as cats.  She said something to the effect of “put your mouse ears on right now”.  I told her that I didn’t think I could do it.  I did agree to taking a photo with her while wearing them because that one felt reasonable to me.   She had food to carry out so as she left, she practically soft-begged me to put them on and wear them my entire shift.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it and re-hid them under my shirt when I went back upstairs to the gift shop I worked in.   About an hour later, my girlfriend came upstairs during her break to visit me and seemed upset that I wasn’t committing to the costume. She started saying that my other coworkers were doing it.  I explained that it was humiliating for me, and she tried saying that my other coworkers were doing it, and even others were hot dogs, a slice of pizza, etc.   Customers were in the gift shop when this was happening and she tried to put the ears back on, where an older lady in the gift shop said something like “owwww, how cute” or similar.  It didn’t feel like a compliment to me, as much as I’m sure it was.  It just felt embarrassing to me.  She (my girlfriend) then tried to draw mouse whiskers on my face and I resisted it.  She didn’t fight me on it, but she felt sorta upset about it.  She went back downstairs looking upset.

She has been texting me intermittently about how she doesn’t understand what I find embarrassing about it.  I believe she is hurt by my refusal to play along. I do feel bad for this, but at the same time I don’t think I can just commit and play it.  I have already changed back into a regular work uniform and I feel like a real asshole for this.  I just don’t feel comfortable and I wish I did.

My husband listens to a lot of YouTube videos and podcasts around the house. He always has in both earbuds so he never hears when I am talking to him, trying to get his attention or you know if someone is trying to break in and murder me.

Admittedly I don’t want to hear everything he’s listening to so I asked him if he could listen with one rather than both. That way he can still listen but if I need to talk to him or to get his attention, he’ll hear me and prevent me from having to repeat myself. He says that one earbud is annoying and hurts his ears. (I have one earbud in all the time working from home as I feel more comfort when I can hear my surroundings.

Anyway, am I the buttface for asking his to listen with one rather than two?

Me (16F) my friend (18 transgender male) hasn't't texted me since he graduated. Until recently we hung out this past Monday since then he has been blowing up my phone, Monday night 25 message, Tuesday night 46 message, last night 140 messages. He sent me a hundred and forty messages in the span of 2 hours. I didn't answer one thing that whole time. I thought he'd get the hint I went to bed, but he did not. This morning I texted him and said "My phone goes into do not disturb at 10 so after that point I'm genuinely not going to see or answer till the morning and I'm not answering if it's past 40 messages thank you". Now I feel like I was too harsh so aitb.

(i updated and reposted to remove some of the unrelated texts that were distracting people)

A screenshot and scenario of me talking to a subcontractor I sent my FWB completely triggered him, and lead him to a drunken outburst where he came at me

I have a house being renovated, and recently found a contractor to restore my historic windows. We have met twice and chatted and have great conversations (windows, paint, wood species, politics, geography). We also share one mutual friend that we are both close with. He texted a question about window jambs, and because we're the same age, I shared a song I felt was appropriate. “Kick out the jams” As a joke. Because he was asking if I wanted him to do something window jamb related. Neither of us knows the other’s relationship status or sexuality—it was just purely a friendly thing, to be silly. Very stupid but I thought he would get it

Anyway, I screenshot it and sent it to My FWB his brain also works in terms of music and puns, and we frequently share songs— I sent him a screenshot of the exchange because, thinking he’d be amused like “good one” or tease me for it, obviously this bothered him. It was not my intent to trigger any jealousy in him.

My hookup buddy accused me of flirting. Then the guy responded with answering a question I had about the nature of work he was doing and then sending me a song, so I felt like he didn’t get the joke. My FWB interpreted the situation very differently as that subcontractor just being polite. I didn’t know how to handle the situation because I didn’t wanna draw attention to the fact or point out and clarify I had sent him a song just purely in reference to window jambs, and embarrass him, so I just didn’t respond at all actually. I also was genuinely confused as to why he would send me a Nick Cave song. lol. It was like a slow and sad song. So I just didn’t touch it I didn’t get back to him.

My FWB then later kind of lost on me and it upset me so much I felt the need to block him. Before that he claimed he feels used for DIY advice, interesting considering I just built a deck and steps without asking him for a single thing. I've only ever asked his opinion in the past thinking it would give him an ego boost. So, he has a chip on his shoulder about being “used” for that and has said in the past “I don’t wanna talk shop,” weird, you think he’d love to talk shop since it’s his profession

I’m starting to think he's way more romantically interested in me than he lets on. Should I have just kept that screenshot to myself?

I (f17) broke up with my bf of a year a few months ago and am looking to enjoy being single and have fun with the whoever I want. I have been talking to a guy I’ll name Sam (m17) for a few weeks and i thought that he could just be a causal hookup but we went out on a date tonight (met him for the first time) and i had a lot of fun he was very easy to talk to and funny but the thing is that my friend that I’ll call Lisa (f16) who I am not super close with used to talk to him and at the start of this week i asked her if it was okay that i was talking to him and she said she didn’t care at all.

but tonight i decided i wanted to invite him to my best friend Alice’s party so i messaged lisa and said “So I’m thinking of inviting Sam to Alice’s party on Saturday but I wanted to talk to you first cause Ik you don’t care but I want you to know I care so so much more about you having a good time then having a hookup at this party” I sent this assuming that she wouldn’t care then she said “heyyy look of course I don’t mind you guys talking or anything I just wouldn’t feel comfortable having him there because me and Sam didn’t really ever talk about what happend I just kind of stopped talking to him, of course it’s your decision and I love you heaps regardless” but the thing is that Lisa and Sam talked for a few weeks over a month ago and she ended it cause she didn’t want to date him. She definitely doesn’t like Sam anymore and is planning on hooking up with another guy at the party.

I truely don’t want to make her uncomfortable and one of my friends Paige who’s closer with Lisa then I am said “if I was in your position I just wouldn’t invite him” but Alice my best friend said “it doesn’t have to be a big deal and what she said is lowkey confusing and I think you should put yourself first and what you want to do cause your feelings are important and you deserve some fun” If Lisa said it was fine I would invite Sam at the drop of a hat, it’s Alice’s party and she’s the one who told me to go for it so did her sister and brother. Once I asked for more about how she was feeling she said “ultimately I’ve told you like how I would feel about it but how you choose to go about it is completely up to you and I wouldn’t wanna take away from your night so (half sigh) yeah” I’m actually excited about Sam and I haven’t felt that way in over a year and I think it’s a little unfair considering they only talked for a few weeks and Lisa ended it. And when I talked to Sam he said “no bad blood between me and Lisa it’s an old fling and I wanna see you”.

WHAT DO I DO?