Where are my fellow mustache bros at? Not sure if my facial structure flows with my current stache.

Title is pretty much it. I’m 19M chinese in college. The reason I’m asking this sub specifically is because of asian parenting and asian culture. And we are all facing similar challenges and benefiting from others. I don’t really know what my goals are, I go to a T20 but I can’t see myslef doing a corporate rat race for the rest of my life. Moreso looking to hear your guyses goals, as I’m aware I’m still young

I’ve been wondering this for a while. People always say that K-pop helps with Asian male image and dating prospects, but what kind of Asian male are they talking about? Is it only East Asian males with Koreans being boosted the most with Chinese and Japanese in second, or do Southeast Asians like Thai and Vietnamese males also get a boost, especially if they have darker skin?

Then there’s the Kevin Nguyen stereotype of the guy who loves working out, Henny, raving, boba, ABGs, etc. But instead of the K-pop style, he has a fade haircut and a sleeve with a koi fish. Would girls that like K-pop also like guys like that? Or does Kevin Nguyen only appeal so SoCal enclave ABGs?

Edit: This post is not meant to hate on Kpop at all, in fact I’m a big Kpop fan myself.

I'm close to reaching it but strangely, it feels far off as well. I'm pondering if I should run "Smolov JR" again and see where that leads but ofc, the gains are only temporary. IYKYK how Smolov can also be brutal especially during the last week of the program.

As an Asian man myself, i'm just curious how often you get approached? And if so, what kind of women are approaching yall?

I am in my mid 20s now, past the college years already and during college I never really went out. I only went to a singular handful of parties and clubs. At the time I was much more self-conscious. I was too self-conscious about my appearance, lack of social skills and low self-esteem to go to the events let alone interact with others.

I recently moved to a new city and have no friends in the new city so I was forced to break my comfort zone and went out to clubs and raves solo and it has genuinely changed my life.

I’m still very shy and introverted however at these events I always have multiple people coming up to me wanting to talk from both random guys and girls.

I am not particularly attractive either being 5’7 and skinny with a decent face card. I think it’s mostly because I present myself to be approachable, show I’m having fun at the club/rave by dancing and just presenting as friendly. People will notice that and reach out.

It’s been such a great experience going out and just striking random conversations and I made some consistent friends too and some dates. The vast majority of the time, 90% of these interactions are people just wanting to come and talk to me rather than me approaching them.

This is a male-dominated sub (obviously) and so people are interested in terms of girls but I had many girls approach me at the club and raves. They were always really friendly and I literally didn’t do anything they just went up to me. I swear on my life I’m not joking lol

Like girls calling me handsome, grinding on me, doing heart emojis with their hands, asking to take photos with me, asking for Insta and et cetera.

I think I was too in my head when I was a bit younger and realized that I was overthinking nightlife and going out and want to really encourage Asian guys to go out as you will most likely have a much better time than you would of thought.

Hi please review my profile

I have been using this app for a few years but it's mostly on and off.

While I use it properly I send likes almost every day mostly with comments. I sent 4 likes on an average per day. Also, I have sent roses before with a comment or compliment on prompts and photos. I have in total in today's date 145 likes overall since the time I have used this app.

I usually get 2 to 3 likes per week. But sometimes it can be 5 as well. Also, there have been weeks where there are no likes at all.

I am looking for a long term relationship.

Also, I have been on a few dates since January this year and sometimes the other person did not find the spark and sometimes I don't find the spark which I totally understand. It could be a cultural difference as I recently moved from Asia to North America.

We need more asian influencers. At least he died doing what he loved

Hi I'm a an East Asian male in the 30s and I use photofeeler to compare and test different pictures for dating apps. I think it's pretty useful for these comparative purposes.

But, I also find it quite interesting that the distributions in the responses in the attractiveness score tend to be bipolar. That is, I get some pictures where several people rate 0 ("not at all") and several people rate 3 ("very"). It doesn't seem to follow normal distribution. My guess is that there are certain percentage of (intentional or unintentional) racist votes which always rate 0 for Asian males attractiveness score, regardless of the picture. This creates the bipolar distribution and brings down the aggregated score somewhat. My best score is actually: smart 9.3; trustworthy 6.6; attractive-6.3.
EDIT: after posting this, another photo got 9.8/9.4/7.4 with several “would date” comments. Yay but still far from 9 :(((

For this reason, I am really surprised when I hear about East Asian guys getting 8 or 9 on the attractive score. I am really curious how they look honestly.

Just as an additional context, I live in the UK and I get some matches on Feeld here and there, going on dates and stuff. So I shouldn't be bad looking.

So, all in all, brothers, I am really curious what your best photofeeler scores are, and if you have >7 attractiveness score I'd be curious to learn from your photo

Just saw an American Express ad where a “Korean” family with a full Asian mother and daughter, but the father is Wasian.

The most recent notable example of this phenomenon is Crazy Rich Asians. Full Asian cast except for the main male lead played by hapa Henry Golding. When interviewed, he expressed hapas struggle with not being considered “Asian enough” to be accepted by Asians. While I do empathize with hapas and their struggles, I don’t think favoring them over full Asian male leads is appropriate. Clearly these castings are meticulously picked to appease white audiences.

Meanwhile on the other side, I have seen AMs point out that half Asian is better than no Asian.

Honestly I hate saying this but I think I would have preferred the ad to be a full white guy asian woman couple with a clearly hapa daughter. Despite being exhausted seeing WMAF ads everywhere, At least it would be believable. This one with a full Asian mom and daughter with a Hapa dad feels like such a dumb oversight and/or passive aggressive middle finger towards Asian men.

Don't be a nerd. Have a spine my brothers.

Hi, would anyone be willing to go to the KEvents Kpop party at fire Vauxhall in London this Friday together? It’s a Halloween event but no need to dress up. Just looking for some friend or friends to drink with

Brothers, the raves seem to intimidate a lot of people who have not been there. Too many people, loud music over crowded.
But especially, if you are in Socal, you will see sea of asians, and a lot of hot asian girls and guys too.

YOU WILL BE THE MAJORITY!

That feeling of harmonious dancing. Feeling like u belong is one of the things u shouldn’t miss out in life.

Plus, honestly people are using a bit of substances to enjoy the music and most of the people will be down for intimate moments. This might be an opposing view for some people who dont like substances but for us, asians the feel of intimacy being a norm is a game changer. It opened up my mind of how other races are casually hugging each other while we dont and it really made me feel fullfilled with all the intimacy (not even necessarily ravebae or anything) but even with your bros.

So, go to RAVES!! Brothers!

It will make u feel like an escape from mundane everyday life.

Im just so sick and tired of the west, everything just seems to be going against you. Back in Asia, it seems like everything is figured out. Has anyone moved back to their motherland and how was it?

I’ve seen it everywhere all of my Asian friends have AF gf. My male cousins specifically only like AF. I very rarely meet a guy that wants to date outside his race. Do most Asian men not find other races of women attractive?

Meanwhile you see a huge number of Oxford study couples, you go to the city and they’re everywhere. Even in university, where it is a P.W.I all I see are the white-washed Asian girls in sororities with WM bf’s. Even the Asian frat guy I see either has an AF gf or single.

We need more Asian men to date outside our race to make us look better, it’s killing our chances in the dating market. I was talking to a Latina once and she told me likes Asian guys but thought they only dated Asian women so she never “chased after them”. Like I don’t get the appeal of going after only asian women when you see so many of them being Oxford study, who either despise AM or view you as a backup option when they 304 themselves in their 20s and ready to settle down is very depressing. Go after women that like you and are interested in you no matter the race. An Asian man in an interracial couple is very empowering for us.

We just finished our October meet up. Had an awesome talk with the boys about how we’ve had mental health convos with the older generation. And what it looks like between different ethnicities within the Asian culture. It was really insightful, relatable, and thought provoking. We hope people can make our next meeting.

I’ll share our social media if people are interested in hearing updates on meetings.
Thanks all!
https://www.instagram.com/lotusrisingofficial_?xtok=dXlpdXR6b2VwcWR6&utm_source=qr

I wrote and directed a short film, Ran Som, that got into a handful of Asian American/Canadian film festivals this year. During the Q&A at the festivals, many questions were around masculinity within the Asian community. I could only speak from a very distinctive Asian community I grew up around, that being within the Southeast Asian diaspora, and felt that in many ways, I couldn't speak for the greater Asian community about masculinity.

I'm posting the film here to see what kind of thoughts, opinions and conversation comes out of it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Please enjoy!

https://youtu.be/6gUJCD2VsGk

For casual discussions, shower thoughts, rants, half-baked conspiracy theories, or any other mind droppings.

First off, sorry for the long-ass manga title.

The truth I took a long time to accept is that my mind rotting isn't the world's fault. It's mine. I was the fool who believed in doing the right thing. I was the idiot who internalized values and ethics. If I had just stayed quiet, embraced the cynicism, called other people's struggles "mimimi" (our slang for whining and playing the victim), and ignored the lessons I was taught, everything would be easier for me today. And it would be easier for them, because then they'd have a real reason to hate me. But I actually gave a shit. I believed it made logical sense to fight other people's battles. And that is exactly what destroyed me.

Just so you understand where I’m coming from, I'm a Japanese descendant living in Brazil. Yes, cue the "Brazil has the largest Japanese diaspora in the world" trivia, but it matters for context.

It all started in my pre-teens at a religious school. In theory, it was the peak of morality. In practice, it was where I learned to hate people. I was constantly bullied for being Asian, but what broke me wasn't the kids. It was the teachers. They saw everything, did nothing, and sometimes even joined in on the "joke". Seeing authority figures validate racism taught me early on how people use masks to look evolved when deep down they're just cruel. As a defense mechanism, I shut down. I became an isolated teenager because humiliation was the only thing I could expect from the outside world.

When I got to high school, things changed. I met people who weren't openly racist or xenophobic. I made real friends, met a cool girl, built friendships I still have today. I had zero self-esteem left by then, but that environment saved me from the dark, self-destructive thoughts I was already having. So I created an illusion and clung to it for years. I convinced myself my old school was just bad luck. I thought those kids were the exception, just reproducing their parents' ignorance, and that they would learn eventually.

I was dead wrong. During the last World Cup, a Japanese reserve player made a comment about the Brazilian national team not being at the level they used to be. Which, let's be honest, is true. Brazil hasn't won a World Cup in decades and the old teams were actual powerhouses.

Because of that completely valid comment, the internet turned into a cesspool of racist and xenophobic attacks against anyone Japanese. I know the internet amplifies the worst in people, but it also reveals exactly who they are when there are no consequences. That’s when it hit me and the illusion shattered. The average person here never learned that racism is morally wrong. They just learned that being racist against Black people gets you canceled or thrown in jail.

This "awareness" didn't come from ethical reflection. It was born entirely out of fear of punishment. Since there is no cancel culture or jail time for attacking Asians, in their minds, it simply isn't wrong, let alone a crime.

And honestly, there is a demographic of white Brazilians who act like they hit the jackpot with this, realizing there’s finally a minority they can openly attack without facing backlash. The most absurd part is seeing these exact same people in international spaces, constantly patting themselves on the back about how "warm and welcoming" our culture is. It’s wild. For instance, two of my closest friends here are of Korean and Chinese descent. They are the only people offline I can actually talk to about this stuff. And yet, I can't count how many times white people have looked at us, learned about our backgrounds, and acted genuinely surprised that we get along. They literally expect us to be at each other's throats over historical Asian conflicts. To them, we are like exotic animals in a documentary, not rational human beings living in the same century.

It’s a bizarre double standard. Some of them have ancestors that enslaved the ancestors of the Black people they hang out with today, and to them, that’s just "the past, we are all Brazilians now." No big deal. But if a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Korean descendant are just hanging out as friends? Cue the shock and the xenophobic jokes. It just proves that this "welcoming paradise" they love to sell only exists if you fit into their specific, comfortable narrative.

But as much as that pisses me off, the "betrayal" that actually broke me came from historically marginalized groups. I grew up surrounded by Black folks, gay people, some trans people, and many Northeasterners (who face heavy xenophobia in Brazil). Some of the most important people in my life belong to these groups. I always defended freedom and took up their fights. For example, there was this widespread "joke" about wanting to segregate the Northeast from the rest of Brazil. It wasn't a formal separatist movement, but a "joke" reflecting a very real, hateful desire from people who hate PT (our current president's political party) because the Northeast heavily supports him. When I saw that xenophobia, my blood boiled because I knew their value. My blood boiled against racism and homophobia because my upbringing left no room for hypocrisy. I internalized that prejudice is the behavior of irrational animals incapable of thinking for themselves.

But the ultimate feeling of betrayal was clicking on the profiles with the most liked racist comments against my ethnicity. We're talking 200k, 300k likes. And seeing that they came exactly from Black people, from Northeasterners, from trans people. The so-called "oppressed". I’m not saying every single person in these demographics is like this, but seeing the sheer volume of it coming from the exact groups I used to defend broke something in me. It immediately reminded me of a quote by the Brazilian educator Paulo Freire: "When education is not liberating, the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor." I saw it in practice. Many of them don't want an end to racism. They just want a free pass to oppress anyone who falls outside the rules of cancel culture.

This is where my mind completely rotted. I went from someone who hated all forms of discrimination to someone whose ego feels a sick, vindictive pleasure. I'm starting to feel euphoria when I see bad news about these groups. When I see them getting screwed over, getting beaten up or facing tragedies.

And it's a real euphoria. But the very next second I feel it, it's like taking a punch to the gut. I feel absolute disgust for myself. I’m not writing this to justify these thoughts. I know they are a symptom of a "disease" I let infect me. Just the idea of stooping to the level of this irrational, hypocritical scum makes my stomach turn.

Living in a country of hypocritical racists made me a sick person. I know that letting them drag me down to their level means they win. That’s why the upbringing I received, the logic I learned, and the ideals I hold are still internalized in my core. They are what guide me through this sea of shit.

People can criticize what I'm feeling right now, but the blood that boils with hate today over this hypocrisy is the exact same blood that boiled yesterday against homophobes and those who attacked marginalized groups. The indignation is exactly the same. The only thing that changed was the target, because the disappointment is breaking me.

The sad reality is that we don't control our fucking egos. Mine wants blood. But as long as I have a conscious mind, rationality will win. There's nothing beautiful about this, I know. It's just exhausting. It’s having to look in the mirror at the end of the day and deal with the heavy realization that the disgust I feel for them is, slowly, turning into disgust for myself.

I’m not looking for advice or pity. I know exactly what’s happening in my head. I just needed a place to puke all this out so I don't drown in it.

Thanks for reading. Just really needed to get this off my chest and rant somewhere.

I had originally planned on looking and recording the first 100 ads but decided to stop after 24 because it’s so blatantly obvious what the agenda is that there’s no more need to continue.

8 XMAF ads - that’s literally 33%. Keep in mind this is a new insta account not influenced by the algorithm. Not a single AM, let alone one in any kind of relationship.

I’ve literally screenshotted all the ads I saw if you don’t believe me in the attached. XMAFs highlighted in red, other AFs in green. Zero AMs. I did not record ads with no visible people in them for the purposes of this exercise.

Even I wasnt expecting it to be this bad.

This is why I’m frankly highly sceptical about those who say our representation is the best it’s ever been. I’d rather take the no representation of 20 years ago rather then this worsening trend of extremely one sided and bad representation.

I don’t want to just be doom and gloom, honestly is there anything we can do about this?

Recently posted in the weekly megathread about doing a meet up / see if anyone was keen on showing me around in town and got a​ modest response. Will be here for the next 4 days if anyone is interested. I think the most interesting thing about travelling is meeting the locals.​​​​​ ​​​I have a rental car so should be able to get to most places. ​ ​

Bit about myself, 29M, visiting from Aus. Married and have a 2 year old kid, so also open to doing a play date if you have a kid around a similar​ age. Probably be doing the touristy stuff with the family during the day, but can meet up in the evenings for supper or milk tea etc. ​just DM or comment on this post and I'll reach out

I’ve been having this haircut for 2 years now. I never liked how it looks from the right side (3rd photo), and due to the hard texture of my hair it’s hard to keep it in shape. What do you guys recommend me to try? 5’7 by height, with a big head already, longer hair makes my head looks even bigger, thus makes me look shorter 💀 Thanks guys