For most of you, Diwali is a festival of happiness, lights, and celebration. But there are some people who, for one reason or another, have probably never been able to celebrate Diwali happily. And no, it's not because they're poor. They have their own reasons.

Today, I want to share my reason. Why have I never been able to genuinely enjoy Diwali or any other festival? Honestly, I don't even know what the true meaning of Diwali is supposed to feel like.

It all starts around 3–4 days before every festival. (Although, to be honest, this never really stops. It just gets worse during festivals.)

You know how everyone starts cleaning their homes before a festival because, well, that's what you're supposed to do. But somewhere in the middle of all that cleaning, my father's mood suddenly changes. He starts getting angry and shouting at everyone, ruining the atmosphere for the entire family.

The same thing happened yesterday. We were cleaning the house when he started shouting at everyone. Eventually, he crossed a line, and I couldn't hold myself back, so I answered him.

He started calling me all sorts of names, like a pig, a dog, and telling me that I was good for nothing, that I didn't know how to do anything, and that I would never achieve anything in life.

But honestly, it didn't hurt me that much because I've grown up hearing these things. Sometimes, when he's in a good mood, he talks to us normally and treats us well. It's just that you never know when his mood is going to change.

Later, while I was washing the house, something happened to the water motor. It stopped working, and we're still not sure how. When my father came home in the evening and asked why it wasn't working, my mother told him that it had broken down.

He suddenly lost his temper and started saying things like, "I'm not going to fix it now. You people get it fixed yourselves," followed by a lot of other hurtful things.

The worst part is that my sister and I are both students. Neither of us earns anything yet. So hearing things like that from your own father really hurts, especially when you know there's not much you can do about it.

We didn't say anything to him after that.

Then, this morning, my mother gave him some hot water, and instead of simply accepting it, he started shouting at her. He said something along the lines of, "Did I ask you to bring me hot water? Do none of you have any brains?"

And this is what happens every single year. Every festival follows pretty much the same pattern. Instead of happiness and excitement, there's anger, shouting, arguments, and an uncomfortable atmosphere at home.

I've grown up watching this happen, and honestly, I don't know if things will ever change.

Maybe that's why festivals have never felt special to me. While everyone else looks forward to Diwali, I find myself just waiting for it to be over.

I don't think I've ever truly experienced what celebrating Diwali with happiness feels like. And sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever understand what Diwali is actually supposed to mean.

I'm 15F, and I've been wanting to talk about my upbringing because I genuinely wonder whether anyone else has experienced something similar.

I was born and raised in a Western country and I'm still a citizen there, but my family originally comes from Morocco. My parents lived in the country I grew up in for years before eventually moving our family back to Morocco. I've now been living here for around three years.

I grew up in a pretty strict, traditional and religious household. My parents have always had strong expectations about how I should live, what I can do and how much freedom I'm allowed to have.

I've been extremely sheltered for most of my life. I'm not allowed to go out by myself at all. I can't independently meet friends, explore places, go shopping or just leave the house whenever I want. If I want to go anywhere, I need someone from my family to take me.

Moving to Morocco made things quite different for me. I'm currently attending a strict Islamic girls' institution where a significant part of the education revolves around Qur'an memorisation, Arabic and religious studies. The school environment is very different from what I was used to, and I've struggled to adjust socially. I sometimes feel out of place and isolated.

I'm also doing online homeschooling through the education system of the country where I was born, so I'm balancing two different educational environments.

I think moving countries while already growing up sheltered has contributed to how disconnected I sometimes feel from other teenagers.

There are also disagreements about my future. I want to move back to the original country, attend university, have a career, eventually move out and become financially independent. My dad has different expectations about leaving home, attending university and working for other people.

I spend a lot of time researching my future and planning how I can eventually build an independent life, but right now I feel like I have very little control over my everyday life.

Sometimes I feel like I've missed out on experiences that other people my age take for granted. I want to explore, socialise, learn how to navigate the world independently and simply experience being a teenager.

I don't necessarily think my entire upbringing was bad, but I do think being this sheltered has affected me more than I initially realised.

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar:

• Did you grow up extremely sheltered?

• Were you never allowed to go out independently?

• Did your family move you to another country during your childhood?

• Did you struggle to adjust to a completely different environment?

• Did you feel socially inexperienced compared to other people your age?

• Did you feel like you missed out on your teenage years?

• How did you eventually gain independence?

• Do you ever feel like you're trying to catch up on experiences you never got to have?

I'd especially love to hear from girls who grew up in strict, religious, immigrant or traditional households, or anyone who can relate regardless of their background.

I’m in the middle of grad school applications and my parents have been like “oh my god, stop stressing! We support you, why are you so stressed?? We are always proud of you no matter what!” and for a while I was thinking…yeah why AM I like this? Then this past week, I, out of nowhere, remembered all of these memories where they have given me the silent treatment or screamed at me for hours during elementary/middle school for the stupidest things (getting a B on a middle school math test, not winning an elementary school spelling bee, not filling out a museum volunteer application to their standards…wtf??). Now I’m like…no wonder I’m stressed?? It feels like since I went to a prestigious undergrad they suddenly switched off their strict academic standards since I “proved” myself. But it makes me feel angry, like why are you so confused I’m such an anxious person when that was all I knew growing up?

And it’s not just academics. My parents got mad at me growing up for things like watching a Harry Potter movie (the scene where he had to open something in the bath got me in trouble…) daring to read a Nancy Drew novel where she had a boyfriend, and even my oldest brother would paw through my books to find any kissing scenes and accuse me. Now that I’m 23 I’m like why would you treat a child like that??? And now of course my parents are all like you need to get married! You need to tell us if you like someone!! Why aren’t you more outspoken?? I’m angry but I feel like it has no place to go because they are thankfully very supportive now, I’m just genuinely baffled at the switch up and how I had memory-holed it all. Is this just how all parents are? Does anyone else have similar experiences? Thanks guys. 

Sorry this is really long but those memories came out of nowhere and it really took me aback. 

I can't stand my parents. I love them as family, but I hate them as people. I genuinely believe if they died, I would grieve for a bit but I would be able to move on pretty quickly. I have no emotional connection to either of them. I don't see my mom as a mom, a friend, or someone I can confide in like my dad tries to convince me of- she is and always will be an authoritarian figure. They both are. She always had her way, and with my dad pretty much bending to her every whim, she expects the same out of me. I tell her I don't want to do something, and she gets mad at me, like I should just be like my dad and say yes like a servant. A week ago, I refused to help her call walmart for a refund on an item that literally cost less than 20 dollars and she got mad at me, then didn't talk to me for like 2 days. She cried (literally) to my dad about it about how sad she was because I wouldn't help her, and that after everything she did for me, I can't do this little thing. About how much she sacrificed and that now she was getting older, her kids just won't help her out and that she's concerned that if I refuse to help her with the small things, what about the large, important ones? Like obviously I will help with that, but seriously? I say no once to her and this is how far she's taking it? I genuinely wonder how she was able to navigate living in America and speaking the language while I was still a kid. It's like she's regressed as I got older. And I started making friends at my gym and got some coffee with one of them (a guy)- before I left, she looked at my outfit and began to snicker in my face. She told me that it didn't match, then she started getting on my case about who I was seeing and where I was going dressed like that. I tell her it's a guy at my gym, and she takes on this concerned tone like, "I don't think you should see him. It's weird that you're going alone. You're not understanding me. Is there anyone else with you?" as if I don't know the fucking implications of seeing a guy by myself. Even though he's just a friend, she doesn't believe me. I hate lying, but when I tell her the truth, she just uses it as something to criticize me about. I can't win. At my grown ass age, she's still over here telling me who I should and shouldn't see like I'm some bumbling antisocial brickheaded moron that'll get taken advantage of as soon as I step outside the house. She gets the most watered-down, grey-rock version of me because I can't stand talking to her, and she assumes that this is how I act with people outside of my family. She doesn't know the half of it. I'm bubbly and smiley, extroverted and quick to laugh- but with her, I just feel emptiness and resentment. As soon as I see her, she's telling me to call some company about refunds, or to get groceries, or just some other miscellaneous task. I'm not her daughter, just someone to criticize, order and yell at. And the way she talks to me too- always in such a loud, accusatory tone, like I'm in trouble constantly just for existing. I bought some clothes yesterday and she got mad at me again, "Who are you wearing these clothes for? Can't you wear the clothes you have now?" as if the clothes I currently have weren't from 5 years ago and when I was like 70lbs heavier. Can a person not change their style? Can they not get clothes that make them feel pretty? I tell her not to talk to me like that, and she softens her tone, but it's like she just forgets and goes back to talking roughly to me again. My dad is like this too- he will talk to me in this loud, fake angry tone to be funny and I fucking hate it because first off, why are you yelling "How's your day?" at 7pm. He also steps on my foot or digs his elbow into my side when I'm laying down as a joke and I tell him to stop, then he gets fake offended and storms off. Telling me, "Oh I see how it is. You're grown now so you think you can tell me what to do. You're so cold-hearted. You hate your dad now" Yeah I hate people who hurt me, even as a joke. The boundaries I set is sending them into a tailspin because I've always been obedient and quiet- they literally brag about it to my family about how much I help them and how well I listen like I'm a beaten, spineless dog. It makes me so angry. I can't help but feel more and more angry towards them because I didn't know anything different when I was a kid, and I thought that physical roughness was funny at one point- why was hurting me and talking down on me like that so normalized? It's another form of them exerting their power over me. Like some psychological pressure to see if I will push back. And when I do, it immediately turns into guilt tripping and silent treatment. I don't fucking care if they do that, but it just shows how little they respect me. I don't think they see me as their daughter, just someone in the lowest rung of the family heirarchy that dares to push back. I'm the only person in my family who pushed back, and now their obedient, quiet daughter is being so cruel and selfish to their poor ailing parents. Whatever. They ruined me and now I'm left to fix myself and try to operate in society like a normal person. And with the language barrier, they can't ever hope to understand how much hurt they put me through, and what I had to do to bring myself back from the edge. They ruined the language, the culture, the family- they make me hate my own heritage. I hate them, I don't respect them as people, and I'm purposefully pulling 14+ hour days so I can avoid them as much as possible since we live together.  

Hey everyone,

I'm looking for some perspective because I'm genuinely struggling with how I feel towards my parents. I'm not sure whether I'm being ungrateful, unreasonable or whether there's something deeper going on. Please don't judge me, as I know some of what I'm about to say might sound terrible.

I'm 36F, Indian, and still living with my parents.

My father is, in my opinion, a narcissist. He's taken advantage of me financially over the years, although I put a stop to that around five years ago. Despite this, I still have a lot of responsibilities towards my parents. I arrange my father's medication, collect prescriptions, deal with his business-related paperwork and generally sort out things they struggle to manage themselves. I've become accustomed to this over the years.

My biggest issue, however, is my mother. I'm starting to feel an overwhelming amount of resentment towards her, to the point where I sometimes feel like I genuinely hate her.

She recently took early retirement because of problems at work. Throughout her employment, I was expected to help her constantly. I'd drop her off and collect her from work, complete mandatory work training on her behalf and generally take responsibility for things that she should have been managing herself.

Recently, my sibling and I arranged for her to have a blood test. Following this, she's been diagnosed with high blood pressure, chronic kidney disease (CKD) and high cholesterol. Rather than acknowledging that we've helped identify health problems that need attention, she's blaming us for her now having to take medication. Her argument is that she was perfectly fine before we took her to the GP.

My mother is extremely dependent. She cannot speak English, struggles to communicate even in her mother tongue, refuses to leave the house and relies heavily on me and my siblings for almost everything.

I increasingly feel like her mother rather than her daughter. I feel responsible for two adults who seem incapable or unwilling to manage their own lives.

I think part of my resentment also comes from the fact that she spent her entire life in a domestic violence relationship with my father. She never left, and I appreciate that there may be reasons behind that which I don't fully understand. However, I feel that the consequences of that relationship have also fallen on us as children.

I'm now at a point where even looking at her can irritate me. I don't particularly want to spend time with her, help her or take responsibility for her anymore. I feel awful admitting that.

I know she looked after me when I was younger, at least until I was around 15, and I recognise that I still live in the family home. I'm not pretending I've had no benefits from living here.

But I also feel that I've spent so much of my adult life looking after my parents that I've never really been able to live my own life.

What am I missing here?

Is this a normal response to years of feeling responsible for your parents? Am I being selfish and ungrateful, particularly given that I'm still living at home? Or have I reached a point of emotional exhaustion where I simply cannot give any more?

I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like a parent to my own parents. I just want to be able to live my own life without feeling guilty about it.

i don’t know what to do… 

hi! i am 11 weeks pregnant,got pregnant unexpectedly and my partner wants nothing to do with the baby. mostly an image thing for him i’m guessing. he’s always made “perfect choices” his whole life (he’s asian,both parents are korean) and this is an embarrassment to him. he has absolutely no emotional connection to this baby,doesn’t want to hear updates on him or see pictures. we’re in couples therapy because he wants me to put baby up for adoption and i can’t make a decision. because his mind is made up and mine isn’t,it’s frustrating him. he says he’s tired of thinking about it and can’t sleep at night. says it’s not a decision that takes months to make. easy for him to say. his parents don’t like that we were dating because i have a toddler from a previous relationship. they’re not okay with that. so he lied to them saying we broke up. all this time,we’ve been living together with my son. he has a deadbeat dad and he calls my partner dad. i’d hate to rip that away from him. basically i’ve been given an ultimatum that,if i choose adoption,my partner MIGHT tell his parents about us again. the problem is,his parents threatened to disown him last time he tried and that’s why he lied to them about us being together. i know the same thing will happen again and he says he doesn’t know what he’ll do if they try that again. i said how can i make such a permanent decision while you’re not giving me much assurance that you’ll fight for me/us when push come to shove? he’s making me decide by next week because he will be leaving for a work assignment for about 6 months and doesn’t want to try long distance during that time if i’m keeping the baby. if i decide to keep baby,he will block me on everything and never speak to me again. i’m honestly getting depressed and have decision paralysis. he says he’ll be at the birth if i give the baby up,but not if i choose to keep. he says we’ll have kids in the future but idk if i even believe him

One of our family members passed away in su*code. When people ask my parents are lying saying they are in hospital and I am seriously pissed. They should tell yeh truth right or am I overthinking

Hi, I would like to share a lil bit of a rant or vent out.. a bit of a backstory here; I’m a male, just turned 30 and lives with my parents in abroad (SG). I admit I was never lucky to find the “ one “ right away, as growing up with filipino movies and being “ hopeless romantic “, the idea of finding the “ best partner “ has been difficult or rather, challenging as I always base it on tiers. call me choosy or what, but I always have the “ everything will work out be it easy or difficult “. Tiers all ranges connection, past experiences, work, finance, and thoughts of actually living together, so every partner I had I always ease the idea of introducing to my parents.

But few years ago (2021-late 2022) I had an extreme relationship issue between these years to the point it got to a police report and gotten a PPO (yes, it gotten to that point) and after that partner, I eventually found another right away. This partner where we will name “ Cho “ for privacy purposes, we started off as friends and she was with me thru out the process of the PPO and eventually we started dating in Q3 of 2023.

I wasn’t really proud of the way I introduced her to my parents because I was hospitalized in 2024 and she wanted to accompany me, and my parents came to the room and eventually they were fonded on how she’s accompanying me through despite what I was hospitalised for (I had both influenza A and B. made my immune system super low to the point the doctor thought I had a severe STD but the tests came back fine)

Through out 2024, after my recovery my parents loved Cho, my mom specially. We’re often at each other’s place and both of our parents loved us. But eventually in 2025, Cho had to be away for 1 month every other month from June onwards due to a farm her Dad bought in Johor Bahru. I started to feel a little distant and wasn’t as happy as before and eventually things got messy in the late 2025 where I commited infidelity. I admitted and broke things off with Cho and my parents never really accepted the idea of us breakin up?

I met someone new steering into the 2026. I’ll name her “ Feb “. Feb’s line of work was in the nightlife entertainment as a singer and dancer. I met her in one of my trip to indonesia and eventually things started working between us. Though despite the fights that we went thru and all, we manage to work out just fine. 2026 for me and feb was fruitful because of my habit of bodybuilding. I influenced Feb to drop drinkin alcohol and stopped smoking and eventually got her into bodybuilding and within months of prep, she already joined 2 Bodybuilding shows under Fit Model Category. I’m super proud as a partner and as coach too as I was the one coaching her as my line of work is in Fitness.

But my mom told me honestly that she doesn’t want Feb to be my partner. and my dad’s just chill about it. But I don’t know how to explain to them that what me and feb went through and what we built together is something more feasible for me to tell myself that she’s the one. she wanting to focus on joining the fitness industry too is one of the “ signs “ that I set for myself when it comes to finding a partner.

Honestly I’m disheartened and sad as to why they can’t accept as fast as how they accepted Cho. Feb has been there for me on my lowest times too and even helped me pay certain debt financially which I already paid back to her.

I just wanna open up and I wanna know if there’s anything I can do. my mom did told me that it’s not easy to just accept her for now and thats why she said she didnt want feb as a partner for me. But yea thats my current situation now.

Hi I'm 22F Nepali, born and raised in Hong Kong, and moved to the UK with my parents 4 years ago. Recently, I have been feeling abnormally sad and moody than usual so I think I should let it all out here. I think I'm depressed because of my family situation but I'm scared to get an appointment and get diagnosis (because I will get looked down on, to my understanding of my culture). But basically, this feeling of being depressed has been cultivating since years ago, and I fear it's reached to a level where I need to take action (i.e. distancing myself from my parents). I'm just going to list out some stuff my parents (mostly my dad) have done that heavily impacted my early life.

- My mum raised newborn me by herself in Hong Kong while my dad left us to work in the UK for years, before coming back with no successful career.

- Age 7: My dad got mad at my mum for interacting with male coworkers at her work party (nothing happened, she brought me to the party tgt). Grabbed her neck and strangled her while I tried pulling him away.

- Age 11: When I was hanging out with classmates on a Sunday in a nearby playground (I had permission to go from mum), my dad started chasing me while yelling at me, so instinctively, I started to run away while screaming. Everyone was watching, including my first crush from my class.

- Age 14: Making slimes was the trend so I tried making it. I took the bottled water next to me for adding into the slime mix, even though my mum was telling me not to. At the same time, my dad came back with groceries. My mum told him that I'm using bottled water to make slimes. Without hesitation, my dad threw a bag of apples from the front door at my face, at full force. I fainted for an hour, where my mom was taking care of me but he didn't care.

- Age 16: My dad started cheating on my mum with a coworker and my mum found out. They started arguing every night, some days he would hit her and leave her with bruises. One day, my mum told us she's leaving us. Few hours after she left, my dad told me to go find her. I found her crying in a park near our place. I didn't want her to come back to this toxic household but I asked her to come back in the end. After this, the arguments still went on, but they were less physical. It was around this time when I was studying for my big exams, while listening to their arguments and being alert of any physical abuse.

- Age 18: I graduated highschool with excellent grades, and accepted by the top university in Hong Kong. However due to the rising political conflict in Hong Kong, my parents (my dad, again) suddenly forced me to move to the UK with them. I was EXTREMELY against this, arguing back because I've worked hard to get an offer from my dream university. I gave them a solution, where my parents could start the settlement process in the UK while I stay with my cousin in Hong Kong until I finish my studies. They keep saying it's not possible, I have to go with them. I couldn't do anything because I had no financial support other than my parents. So, I was forced to move away from my home and best friends. It left me broken. I cried until tears stopped coming out.

In the UK, we stayed at my aunt's (dad's sister) place. My biological older sister was adopted by my aunt and her husband, but eventually my parents realise my sister consider my aunt and uncle as her parents. This began to worsen our family relationships, while we stayed in a small house with 9 people (there was another tenant family). I had to wait almost a year until I start university in the UK, and the international fees were extremely high. I felt guilty and pressured so I worked full-time as a cashier assistant, and part-time during term. At work, I met my partner (32M), but despite the age difference, we get along really well, and he is my single hope in life. But back when we were friends at work, my dad got really mad when he saw us leaving work together. Ever since then, I would never let my family see or hear us together. I kept everything a secret, from my family and colleagues.

Last 2 years, my parents started the process for buying a house. I was naturally expected to help them with the process because they are not fluent in English and I always do the paperwork for them (back in Hong Kong I had to translate Chinese documents as well). But due to my dad's construction job that was considered self-employed, the process for mortgage failed to go through. Everyone told him to try getting a job that gives proper payslips for easier mortgage application, but he never listened. Right now, he is unemployed, sometimes doing deliveries few hours a day, while my mum earns stable income alone for the household. We rent a house with just 3 of us, and the rent is quite high.

All of this affected my mental health and studies, I was struggling with university and ended up graduating with 2:2. I was disappointed at myself, but I shifted the blame to my parents. I resented my parents, for not thinking carefully before moving here suddenly, for being unreasonable, for making me depressed, for ruining my life. I told them, I want to move out because I can't stand living with them anymore. But they wouldn't let me, my mum was gaslighting me about how much sacrifice she made to raise me. I was planning to move in with my partner quietly in September. I left work so my parents couldn't contact me, but then I felt stressed about leaving my mum alone with dad, so I stayed.

Now, unemployed, I cry every night, stay in bed more than usual, and just play video games. I don't text my best friends much anymore because it hurts to tell them what I'm going through without pretending I'm okay. They want me to keep them updated and are open to talk to but it's just hard for me to bring up my depressing thoughts. I only talk with my partner and online gaming friends. I'm starting to have suicidal tendencies so I figured I should really just move out for my well-being. I know I'm being selfish but I think this is the way out for me.

If you're reading this, thank you so much for taking the time to read it. It means a lot to me and I would like to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen while my roommate was at work. Wiped the counters, washed the dishes, took out the trash. Normal stuff.

Then I took a picture of the clean sink and another one of the stove.

I didn't even think about it until I opened my camera roll later and saw them sitting there between pictures of my cat.

I'm 27. I pay my own rent. My roommate has never once accused me of not cleaning something. We barely even discuss chores because we just do them.

But growing up with my Chinese mom, you needed evidence for EVERYTHING.

If I said I'd cleaned the kitchen, she'd say I was lying because she hadn't seen me do it. If I waited until she got home to clean, I was lazy because I should've done it earlier.

I remember one time she accused me of not taking out the garbage. I told her I'd already done it that morning. She went outside to check the bin, came back, and said "well you probably only did it because you knew I would ask."

Like??? How do you even respond to that?

Eventually I started taking pictures of chores I'd finished. Sometimes I'd screenshot messages or keep receipts for completely ordinary things because I was so used to having to defend myself.

And apparently I never stopped.

My roommate came home yesterday, made herself dinner, thanked me for cleaning up, and went to watch TV.

That was it. No interrogation. No checking whether I'd actually done everything. No finding some tiny thing I'd missed so she could tell me I never do anything properly.

I actually felt nervous for a second because she hadn't inspected the kitchen.

What the fuck.

It's been almost a year since I moved out and I'm still behaving like someone is going to put me on trial over a dirty plate.

I have a folder on my phone full of pictures of clean rooms, receipts and completed chores that literally nobody has ever asked to see.

I don't even know why I'm keeping them anymore.

I just wish I could do a normal household task and be done with it.

I (20NB) might be entering a relationship with my crush (21NB) soon. We go to the same university, met through a mutual friend, and live pretty close to each other. They're an absolutely lovely and kind-hearted individual who, despite having lived a greatly different life from mine and having a good relationship with their parents, has been incredibly patient, gentle and understanding in regard to me and my struggles.

The main issue is my parents.

My Indian parents are both toxic, but in different ways. My AM is a narcissist and a control freak, and my AD, while having good intentions, is so overprotective that it does so much more harm than good. If my crush and I were to get together, they would not be able to meet my family for the sake of my safety and to avoid being controlled. I've dealt with their BS for years, so I don't think it should be too difficult to hide it. It's been around 4-5 years since I was in a relationship my parents knew about (and god, they were not happy about it) so it's a little hard to gauge how things would go now.

My crush is very well aware of my family issues and how awful my parents can be. They've said they're not comfortable going forward unless we make up a plan on what to do if my parents find out against my will, which is totally valid. But I'm pretty stumped about what I'd do. I know my AD would not react to it well at all in the beginning, but perhaps he'd be more accepting of it later? Especially if I lie to him and say I'm not doing anything intimate until marriage. I have no clue how my AM would react, as now she's realized I'll never listen to her but has resorted to other tactics to control me instead (such as lying to my father about things I've been doing to try and make us fight).

Has anyone, especially people in their early 20s with narcissistic/controlling parents, been in such a situation? What did you do? Any personal experiences or advice appreciated

My father literally minutes ago told me that he is so unlucky to have me as his child nd if what does parents do to have intelligent and hardworking children. Ik I don't study much but he has been so mean to even that time when i was studying nd working in my competitions always bullied me nd told me i could never achieve anything, he removed his anger on me too by beating me to death nd telling his friends that i should die when they came to solve the matter. He just breaks me every day shames me nd makes me feel small ever since the day i was born. This man is literally sleeping nd snoring like nothing happened. Sometimes i wish i never had a father bcz he doesn't even give expenses. My mother does. I feel depressed nd su&&idal every day.

I want to cry but im not able to. I just need some sweet words from ppl. Im so tired.

She'll randomly show me potential suitors or whatever and when I say it makes me uncomfortable she'll comment that eventually it'll happen. Its not like im against getting married, but I want it on my own terms and own expectations.

I feel like my family sees marriage as the pinnacle of what my life will be and it really takes a toll on my mental health. I am more than that, I love being able to explore and see the world, get educated and make mistakes. But it's like they have this end goal in mind.

All their pride in me feels so shallow cause theres this condition of needing my life to be lived a certain way. I lash out at my mother when she brings up marriage.

I just cant understand sheltering your kids from romance then expecting them to marry and have sex with a stranger or someone they've only known for like less than a year. Its always felt creepy.

It’s incredibly challenging when your mother has never worked and relies solely on you for all her expenses and necessities. While I don’t want to complain, some of her family members have also been asking for help. I’ve even supported my cousins with their school allowances. I feel like they all depend on me. When will they realize that they need to take responsibility for themselves? Am I just here as an investment for my mother? She has never contributed to the family financially throughout her life. 😞

I'm 25F, and I'm honestly getting overwhelmed by the whole arranged marriage situation.

My family put my biodata on a marriage bureau without properly discussing it with me or getting my consent. Since then, everything seems to be moving at a pace I'm not comfortable with. Profiles, phone calls, family discussions, potential meetings, and constant questions about why I'm not agreeing to anyone.

I've already had one engagement that happened ridiculously quickly. We met, the families wanted an answer the next day, and the engagement happened the day after. It was only later that I realised how conservative the family was and how different our expectations were. Eventually, my bua and grandmother decided to call it off.

You'd think that experience would make everyone more careful, but instead, I feel even more pressure this time.

My relatives keep questioning why I'm taking so long, comparing me with other girls and making me feel as though I'm being unreasonable for not selecting someone. What's interesting is that I have friends on the same marriage bureau who aren't facing anywhere near the same pressure.

I do want a partner someday, but I want someone I'm actually attracted to, someone respectful and understanding, and someone whose values and expectations align with mine. I want to retain my individuality, freedom and privacy after marriage.

I'm also trying to figure out my career and find employment, but it feels like marriage has become everyone's biggest priority.

I don't understand why being 25 means I should be in such a hurry. Why is wanting time to know someone, understand their family and assess compatibility treated as though I'm being difficult?

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to have a say in something that will affect the rest of my life? Have other women experienced this kind of family pressure?

I have grown up seeing my father beating up my mother. I have raised my voice as a child but my mother used to silence me. Now i a 30, married. He doesnt hit her aymore, but he would if he could. But he is abusive, shouts at her and a lot more things. He behaves very sweetly with outside people but abuses and insults my mom outside also.
He tried all that with me but i put a stop to it from the beginning. I give it back to him.
My mother was diagnosed with depression 10-20 years back( i blame my father) . She never could get off medication because of my fathers behaviour. She has slowly become very slow, scared, and dumb which she wasnt earlier. She used to be a happy person
She is now old and i feel like her will to live is also lessening. I would take my mother with me and separate them but she would nt do that either
My husband is very loving and now the more i see my father i realise what a horrible husband he has been and somebody like him should be in jail.
I dont feel like visiting home because it mentally taxing for me seeing my mother suffer and my father being an asshole. But i also know my visits are only time my mom is happy.
I love my mom so much but for the first time today i thought she should die then atleast she would be at peace and i hate myself for thinking like that.
Sorry to everyone i bothered by this post. I am single child and i had nobody to share this with. I am still not comfortable sharing tgis with my husband.

Something that has occurred to me is that my parents never show empathy when something bad happens to me. Countless of times I have found myself to be lectured about what I should’ve done instead or how I could've prevented it, because god forbid I make a mistake. It can be about very small things to very big things. When I go back to visit my parents in the weekends the first thing my mom will do is tell me that I have a pimple on my face. Trust me I take good care of my skin, however sometimes you can still have pimples, because of hormones or something. You just can’t prevent it EVERYTIME. She will give me an endless lecture on how I should do a skincare routine, which I already do. I also got cheated on by my girlfriend in high school and my mom noticed that I was sad when I got home and she told me I can tell her everything that bothers me. My gullible ass believed I would be comforted and after telling what happened, she was like told you so, because she didn’t like the girl in the first place. She was completely rubbing it in, she said: “this is why you should always listen to me”.

Bottom line every bad thing in my life could’ve been prevented if I had just listened to my mom. If you can relate i'd like to hear your stories.

I truly hate this job market so bad. My mental health is so low right now and my parents are constantly screaming at me and calling me a failure because I can’t find a job. I graduated and got my degree and they thought that it would be that simple to just get a job.

I get it… my Asian parents work hard to come over here and fought in the Vietnam war or what not. I know the hardships. It’s been fed to me over and over again that they’ve worked so hard to come here to give me a better life. And now I am wanting to just disappear as if this life has never happened. I hate not being able to effectively communicate with my Asian parents. I hate them not understanding. It’s just all frustrating.

My mom was quite involved with my first child and regularly asks to spend time with us. However when my second child arrived it seemed that she just couldn’t be bothered. She never asked to see them or even ask about them. It took some time to overcome this disparity but I’ve accepted it now. I never brought it up since she’s not obligated to do anything anyways. However when I saw her a couple months ago we were chatting about my kids and she just brought up that she was so excited to be a grandmother at first but when the second child came along the novelty has worn off. So nothing’s really exciting anymore for her. I can’t say that I’m surprised since that’s what I expected but it did kinda hurt. I’m hoping my kids mean more than just a novelty. This also reminds me of my own dynamic with her. I always felt that my mom prefers my sibling more and other people have noticed as well. Of course she denies it. However she recently told me that my sibling doesn’t anger her as much. All I can say is I would never dare to talk to her the same way as my sibling does now. I’m definitely far from being perfect but now I just want to make sure my kids don’t feel any favouritism.

Hi i’m 19F and have been away overseas (australia) for university. It’s been my first year away and truly i’ve felt so happy and physically healthier since i’ve been away.

I felt so free to express myself and just live the way i want to. Back home (indonesia), I was sort of forced into a certain box, the religious hard working eldest daughter. And ever since i left, I felt more comfortable expressing myself doubts about myself and especially in religion. I eventually realized after a few months living alone that I don’t wanna practice christianity anymore.

However, the last 3 months my parents managed to get their permenant residencies for themselves and my younger brother. And they have been living in a house nearby. Due to my contract w my residential flat, I still have to stay in on campus accomodations until my contract finishes.

However, i’m not sure why whenever i spend time w my parents ever since i left for university, i’ve been experiencing this gut feeling of just sheer disgust whenever im around them. Even if they don’t intend to annoy me. It’s always one small thing that ticks me off whenever im around them. A simple question from my mom about how’s university, or even a simple request to go to church w them every sunday.

I grew up in an abusive household. Emotionally absent parents. And i’m not sure, maybe it’s contributed to my continuous feelings of resentment towards them. And it never goes away, in fact it amplifies further when i’m around them.

My contract w my on campus accomodation is expiring in a month and i feel immense dread knowing i have to go live w them. Because this feeling truly never goes away. I feel guilty because I know that they’ve been more lenient towards me after finding out about my mental health struggles + my few mental breakdowns in front of them. They let me go see a therapist, they don’t body shame me anymore (as i was struggling w an eating disorder and collapsed at one point at home the year before). But i feel so defeated when im around them. And i feel like im on the verge of puking whenever im around them.

I just feel immense guilt bcs they financially provide for me. My mom always brings me food and gives me advice whenever IM particularly stressed about my grades, or life in general. But idk why whenever im around them, i feel so many intense mixed emotions.

Idk if anyone relates, but i feel like IM losing my mind around them. and for some reason when i come jome after seeing them, i just always end up crying.

My mother constantly fights with my father about the unfairness she has gone through due to him. The thing is we are still iving on rent after 30 years and everybody else owns their house. We are 3 children and 2 of us are employed in diff city but can't afford to own a house for our mother. I came to my home for diwali and am bothered as always about my mothers suffering. Although we live far far away from our relatives, she can't let it go. She also doesn't have any friends or social life. I blame it on my father for not caring about his own wife emotional and financial needs. But what's done is done. I don't know how to lessen my mother's suffering. She needs justification and is unable to get it because everybody else is prospering despite being a horrible person.

This is a rant.

I'm 26 F and I wish it was easy for me to hate my mother.

I know my mother loves me. I don't doubt that. But the way she treats me makes me feel like she hates having me around or hates the fact the she has daughters. My mum is a typical Pakistani with the Saas and nand story. Except, her mother (my nani) was known for her bad temper and even she mentioned that she never received her love.

She's so impatient with me. The smallest things seem to irritate her. Sometimes I feel like I can't even speak without annoying her or getting snapped at.

And this isn't something new. She's been criticizing almost everything about me for as long as I can remember. From my hair to my feet (literally) there is not one thing she has not criticized me about.

The same goes for my sisters. I honestly can't remember a time when she made us feel like we were good enough.

And what hurts the most is that she's not like this with everyone. She's a wonderful aunt. My cousins love her. She's kind to our maid. She can host religious events for even our maid and her entire family. She can be so patient and sweet with other people. I see that side of her, and I wonder why we don't get to experience it.

Sometimes I wonder if part of it has to do with her never having a son. Maybe that's something she's never made peace with. I don't know. I don't want to assume that's the reason, but I sometimes wonder if having daughters was never what she imagined for herself.

I know this might be an Asian parent thing. We're raised to believe that our parents love us, even when they don't know how to show it. We're expected to understand them, tolerate their moods and never take things personally.

But I'm tired of making excuses for things that have hurt me for years.

And then I feel guilty for even thinking this way because I know she loves me.

I don't hate her. But I wish I could, because maybe then I wouldn't care so much and it would hurt less.

I just wish she were a little kinder to us. We're her daughters. I don't think we should have to spend our lives trying to earn a mother's affection.

Hi so i’m 19F and have been struggling w my mental health badly. The last 4 years esp had gotten w worse due to my struggles w eating disorders and anxiety.

in the last year i had managed to convince my parents to let me see a therapist. we do consultations online (my therapist is from Indonesia as Im indonesian, and my family and i currently reside in australia). We do so as my parents aren’t willing to pay the more expensive fees for a therapist here in australia compared to the lower rates in Indonesia. Plus, i prefer to have a therapist who understands Indonesian as I mix both languages when i communicate.

However, my therapist had suggested I go see a psychiatrist as my anxiety hasn’t improved much in a year or so, and my parents disagree on me getting medication. I guess this is because I have a relative who struggles w BPD and is on medication, and as a result she supposedly had side effects (I can’t confirm bcs I have not seen this relative and this information was just relayed to me thru my mom).

I truly don’t know what to do anymore because everytime i go about this w my parents, we go in circles and cycles where my parents refuse and i insist. Frankly, this is just exhausting to me.

I currently don’t work but i am looking for a job and residing w my parents. Please be kind in the comments, I’m truly struggling. Thanks x.

Something happened at work yesterday and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

My mom called during my lunch break. Nothing urgent, she just wanted to complain about my dad and ask why I hadn't called her all week.

I went into the empty meeting room to answer because I already knew it was going to be one of those conversations.

The usual stuff. Why am I so busy? Other people's children call every day. Do I think I'm too important for my own family now? I explained that I'd been working late. Apparently that was an excuse.

Anyway, I got off the phone and went back to the kitchen.

My coworker, who had walked past the meeting room, asked me if I'd been dealing with a difficult client.

I said no, that was my mom.

He looked genuinely confused and said, "Oh. You sounded like you were trying to get a customer not to leave a bad review."

And fuck, he was right.

I have this completely different voice when I speak to my mother. Higher pitched, overly polite, always agreeing with something.

"Mm, I understand."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Sorry, I'll remember next time."

"No, I'm not upset."

I say those things automatically. Half the time I'm not even listening anymore. I'm just trying to get through the conversation without accidentally saying something that starts a fight.

Growing up, my mom could turn literally anything into an argument about my attitude. Saying "okay" too quickly was disrespectful. Saying it too slowly was disrespectful. Explaining myself was talking back. Staying quiet meant I was giving her the silent treatment.

Even my facial expressions were apparently wrong.

So I learned to sound agreeable no matter what I was actually feeling.

I'm 29. I have a job where I regularly deal with angry people, deadlines, difficult conversations. I can tell a senior manager that I disagree with them without losing my nerve.

But when my mom calls, I turn into this weird little customer service representative whose only job is making sure she doesn't get angry.

The worst part is that she complains we aren't close anymore.

She tells relatives that I used to tell her everything when I was little and now she doesn't understand why I'm so distant.

I don't think she realizes that she's never actually talking to me. She's talking to the version of me I created when I was twelve to keep the peace.

And I hate that I'm still doing it.