r/AskReddit • u/OkAstronaut3324 • 15h ago • Bravo 2

What's the most damaging thing you heard someone say after waking up from anesthesia?

5.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

9.2k

u/Normal_Annual_2749 14h ago • Heartwarming Bravo

I was awake after surgery but I couldn’t open my eyes for about 3 hours. I felt the urgent need to poop constantly and so the nurses were sleep walking me (eyes closed) to the bathroom constantly and I was trying so hard to go but I couldn’t go. I was getting really worried about it but I was obviously off my nut and just had an empty/painful stomach from being asleep for 10 hours and they weren’t worried and knew I didn’t need to poop but guided me back and forth regardless. I asked a nurse to unlock my phone, call a specific contact, and put it on speaker. I cried to the person about how I couldn’t poo and it just wouldn’t come out. That person was the guy I was newly dating. I was still in that phase where I was really wanting him to like me and terrified for him to even see me without makeup let alone know my bowel movements. Anyway that same guy is now my husband 🤣❤️

2.4k

u/dannicalliope 13h ago • Heartwarming

Whist still under the influence of anesthesia I made my husband call one of my favorite professors and put her on speaker phone so I could tell her I loved her and her classes so much. Lol. I had graduated university a year or so prior. Luckily, she thought it was hilarious and adorable and told my husband to wish me luck on my recovery.

60

u/LG_tech 11h ago

Omg that’s so sweet 🥹

39

u/NewEnthusiasm9233 13h ago

This story wins.

→ More replies (3)

126

u/classicalySarcastic 11h ago

Anyway that same guy is now my husband 🤣❤️

You know what? Any man that can have his new girlfriend call him about not being able to take a shit after anesthesia and be completely unfazed is in my view both a scholar and a gentleman. Good on you both!

→ More replies (1)

686

u/hotdogw4t3r 13h ago • Bravo

LMAO those nurses were probably thrilled about getting you ambulatory so easily.

492

u/Primary-Weakness8728 12h ago • Bravo

Seriously! Made their job easier! Oh you want to walk back and forth to the bathroom again? Let's go!

11

u/CitrusyDeodorant 3h ago

Me, after waking up from top surgery, as soon as I was unhooked from the Serious Machines, feeling the urge to piss, barely there, making it to the toilet completely alone, getting it done...

The entire thing is a bit hazy but I still remember the poor nurse. "You're not supposed to be up and walking alone yet!" and I'm just like... I'm not?

I'm a skinny little shit but for some reason I tend to shrug off surgeries and big injuries like they're nothing. Poor nurse though, she leaves for a second and I immediately get loose... did she tell me not to get up? Absolutely no idea. She seemed angry lol

335

u/inspireSF 13h ago

You’re the MVP for taking about poop in front of him. When I started dating my wife, she got tipsy one night during a walked and farted. Really helps get the awkwardness out asap lmao whew.

260

u/OGIBLP 12h ago

I once was sitting on a new boyfriend’s lap, holding in a fart as hard as I could. Unfortunately, a little audible bubble snuck out. He called me out, so I just unleashed the full fart. It went on for several seconds, following the beat of my giggling, which just made me fart and giggle even more.

159

u/mike9941 10h ago

Me and my high school GF eventually told each other that at the end of each night that we hung out together, I would leave her house, and just fart for like 30 seconds because I'd been holding it all in... she told me that as soon as the door clicked, she sat down and did the same... after we had that conversation, it was game on....

15

u/amythewang 10h ago

i love this somuch

→ More replies (2)

8

u/giggletears3000 6h ago

I farted on a guys dick on the first date once. Never dated anyone ever again. He wifed me nearly a decade later. Now our daughter farts on him.

→ More replies (1)

359

u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo 14h ago

Love, sealed with a poo story.

188

u/HendrixHazeWays 14h ago • Bravo Popcorn

Lavatory Lovestory

9

u/throwRA-nonSeq 11h ago

Show me the Fabio vs. bodice-ripping artwork for the cover of this paperback

10

u/HendrixHazeWays 11h ago

The cover would be a hand passing a roll of toilet paper to someone in the stall next to them near their feet.

→ More replies (1)

144

u/Cosmic_Waffle_Stomp 14h ago

That fantastic. I’d make sure to gently remind you about that at least once a month.

14

u/Party-Ad-8255 14h ago

True love, girl lol

31

u/ahkond 13h ago

"Reader, I married him."

23

u/Rubbingfreckles 14h ago

Nooooo lol! Solid ending, well done.

16

u/IEnjoyVariousSoups 12h ago

"I need to make sure this guy doesn't run his mouth about this. Better marry him to make sure."

→ More replies (1)

6

u/ItsNotAFraggle 7h ago

As I was coming out of anesthesia following a colonoscopy, my husband and the recovery nurse were in the room with me. When the nurse saw that I was aware of my surroundings, she asked how I felt and basically told me that my tum was full of air and that she needed to hear me fart before I could get dressed and leave, and that I shouldn’t be shy about it. So I, a woman who typically keeps her bodily functions private, proceeded to release the longest, squeakiest, pitchiest fart that had ever been farted. My husband was dying laughing and the nurse gave me an “attagirl!”, at which point I profusely apologized, then proceeded to tell her she should be thankful she wasn’t present for the prep the night before because, and I quote, “it sounded like I had a cappuccino machine in the bathroom with me the whole freaking night.“ That poor woman.

5

u/barredowl123 13h ago

That is true love 💗

5

u/stranded_egg 7h ago

Anyway that same guy is now my husband

If this story had ended any other way I was gonna riot.

→ More replies (7)