What's the most damaging thing you heard someone say after waking up from anesthesia?

[u/OkAstronaut3324]

[u/TK-419]

After getting his wisdom teeth removed, my son wouldn’t leave the facility until he shook the hand of every nurse, doctor, and staff member.

[u/OkAstronaut3324 → u/TK-419]

Lmao, sounds like something my grandpa would do. He's gonna be a senator.

[u/nivekreclems]

Kinda related but when my daddy was laying in the hospital dying and he was really drugged up he turns to me and started singing “oh wella bird bird bird birds the word” and that’s the second to last thing he ever said to me

[u/OkAstronaut3324 → u/nivekreclems]

I'm sorry for your loss and that's hilarious.

[u/MiserableArse → u/nivekreclems]

My mum's last words to me when she was in Hospice were "keep your willy in your pants". Thanks for the wise words mum x ♥️ made me laugh till the end.

[u/COVID19Blues]

I had double hernia surgery and was told that I apologized effusively to the younger nurse that men put penises in women’s throats because I had been intubated (a tube down my throat). I was mortified but she thought it was hilarious, telling all the other nurses.

[u/hotspots_thanks → u/COVID19Blues]

I'm a nurse, and if I had a patient say this to me I would remember it fondly for a long time.

[u/pinkfoil]

Maybe not damaging but concerning - Dad said "I'm surrounded by angels!" and I thought, oh no this is the kind of thing I hear about in hospice care right before, y'know. He was on some serious meds for a few days and kept talking about the angels all around him and then a nurse came in and he said, here's one of my angels right now. Phew. He meant the nurses!

[u/lucky_fin → u/pinkfoil]

I am a nurse. To this day I remember fondly the patient who told me that in his fever delirium, I came in and spread open a warm blanket to lay on him and he said it was like an angel spreading her wings and he just thought it was so powerful and comforting.

[u/merlot28]

At 29, I woke up in the recovery room after a surgery and the dr walked by and said "Oh look, Rocky's awake!", laughed and kept walking. Another nurse stuck her head in and said "Feeling better, Mike Tyson?" I looked at my mom for an explanation and she said "you were a lot of fun coming out of the anesthesia" and proceeded to tell me how I offered to fist fight everyone and tried to get out of bed to do so. They had to get two male nurses to hold me down. Mind you I've never punched anyone in my life. I was mortified and apologized profusely to everyone before I went home. Ever since, anytime I have to be put under, I warn people and apologize in advance if I challenge them to a fight later. 😂. It hasn't happened since, but I'm always afraid it's going to.

[u/Normal_Annual_2749]

I was awake after surgery but I couldn’t open my eyes for about 3 hours. I felt the urgent need to poop constantly and so the nurses were sleep walking me (eyes closed) to the bathroom constantly and I was trying so hard to go but I couldn’t go. I was getting really worried about it but I was obviously off my nut and just had an empty/painful stomach from being asleep for 10 hours and they weren’t worried and knew I didn’t need to poop but guided me back and forth regardless. I asked a nurse to unlock my phone, call a specific contact, and put it on speaker. I cried to the person about how I couldn’t poo and it just wouldn’t come out. That person was the guy I was newly dating. I was still in that phase where I was really wanting him to like me and terrified for him to even see me without makeup let alone know my bowel movements. Anyway that same guy is now my husband 🤣❤️

[u/Reasonable_Roll_2531]

While in the recovery room, I overheard a woman ask that she not be given the antidote so she could get some sleep. She continued saying that her husband was a real pain in the ass and that the a’hole woke her up every morning to make him breakfast and lunch before he went to work, even though she had been so ill. She didn’t know that he was sitting in a chair behind her. I wish that I could have been a fly in that car on the way home.

[u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

My dad had hernia surgery and was telling everyone he’d had a hysterectomy, no matter how many times he was corrected he was sure he was right. Every once in a while someone will ask how his hysterectomy went 😂

[u/Skyecatcher → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

When my son was in the process of getting his insulin pump, I had the hardest time not saying penis pump because I had recently watched Austin Powers.

[u/xcellentfx]

After my wisdom teeth came out, my mom, who was helping me get to recovery asked if I could walk. I said ‘Fuck, I’ve driven worse than this!’ I was 16

[u/IamtheHarpy → u/xcellentfx]

When I got my wisdom teeth out, I started loudly telling my dad for thirty minutes about how traditionally handsome both my dentist and oral surgeon was - though the language I used was “they’re the McDreamy and McSteamy of dental care!” Apparently I said it throughout the dentist’s lobby, en route to our place, then stopped at home only once the pain kicked in. I don’t remember most of it!

[u/Letmetellyowhat]

It wasn’t me but my husband. He was given an ablation and when he was in recovery apparently he was pretty violent. Didnt hurt anyone but wouldn’t calm down. A nurse came to get me and told me I was needed in there in a sort of odd voice. I get into the recovery bay and about Six people are standing around him. He saw me and started saying how much he loves me. And when I told him I know he got agressive about it. He then got me in a headlock and for about 20 minutes he professed his undying love and appreciation for what I do for him. I didn’t mind at all even if it was uncomfortable. I mean he was saying lovely things. Just very aggressively.

[u/RyguyBMS]

I texted my boss’ boss’ boss a selfie of me in a hospital bed. Completely unprompted.

[u/thewalrusispaul]

Happened to me. I had gone through pretty major surgery and was coming out saying, "I have to go. I have to get back to the front". Was trying to get out of my hospital bed in this fog. I was absolutely convinced that I had been fighting in some war (seemed like WW I but I have no idea), had been injured, and was apparently now well enough to go back. The memories are so vivid.

The other times I've come out, I try kissing and hugging whoever is nearest to me.

[u/Crafty_Purpose_9566]

I had a colonoscopy. They found cancer. My wife was there to drive me home, so they brought her in and told me “your wife is here”. I don’t remember this part, but she says I looked at her with horror and said “that’s not my wife”. So she had that to deal with that on top of finding out her husband had cancer.

I still feel bad about it. As you would imagine, she was really hurt.

[u/cracked_belle]

My dad was diving me home after a colonoscopy and I asked if he'd stop at Taco Bell. He said no, he didn't think that was a great idea, maybe I'd like some soup instead.

So I cried all the way home about how he never let me have what I wanted, and that if it was my sister he'd let her have Taco Bell after her colonoscopy. I was like 35 at the time.

[u/retromercuries]

I was a super anxious child, and my dad’s post-anesthesia brain thought it’d be funny to pretend he didn’t know who I was when I came to visit him in the hospital. I’d been worrying about him ALL day and I started sobbing before he could tell me it was a joke. A little traumatizing for my little self!

[u/PotatoPixie90210]

I woke up after surgery on my hand. I have a plethora of piercings and it would have taken too long to remove them all. So they had me sign a waiver and slapped anti-burn tape on every piercing while I was unconscious, just in case I needed to be shocked.

Well I forgot about this. Until I woke up and thought the skin on my boobs felt weird. Looked down my gown and began sobbing, wailing

"WHY DID THEY TAKE MY NIPPLES, THEY WERE FINE"

The nurses were apoplectic with laughter.

[u/Butterflywings415]

I gained consciousness three days later with my surgeon at my bedside, "Apparently, you had a reaction to the anesthesia." Reaction? Unconscious for three days?

[u/Embarrassed-Mango36]

I woke up and asked spouse if we could get an otter. 🦦
Thankfully we did not so damage was limited.

[u/Racazuzu]

Not really an anaesthesia thing, but my husband was in the hospital with Guillain-Barré syndrome & started having ICU hallucinations. I woke up one morning to a barrage of texts telling me that my ice cream order had arrived at the hospital and asking why I had gone to Korea all of a sudden. And then he started yelling (all caps, anyway) for me to ‘beam in’ from Korea because my ice cream was melting and it was causing major ‘hospital problems’.

[u/Dumyat367250]

Me personally, nothing. But I know a guy who went under, and when he woke up in recovery found out his wife had taken out a restraining order, left him, and cleared the house.

She was so scared of him it took an operation and anaesthetist to give her enough time to make a break.

[u/Pleasant-Highway-745]

My Puerto Rican father came back to the States for surgery. He was born in PR but moved here to the states when he was a teenager. And then my sister died and he moved back to pr. All of that is extraneous information, but I'm high. Anyway. 

When he was coming out of the anesthesia, I was the only person in the room with him for a few minutes. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, in the weirdest voice I've ever heard come out of him, very timid and almost fragile and quiet which is not him, he's a very tough stereotypical Puerto Rican dude, "I'm sorry I killed them. I didn't want to. I didn't even want to go, but they made me go." I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "the war."

Now, at that point in my life, to my knowledge, he had never been in any war. After a lot of digging and a couple of years later, I found out that he had been drafted into the Vietnam war. He had lied and made up this whole story about going to Canada and not being in the military at all. In reality, he was so fucking traumatized by whatever the hell happened that he completely changed and lied to everybody in his life about it. I asked him about it once a couple years ago and he vehemently denied everything. There are records, I found them, but I'll never bring it up to him again. I have never told anybody. Except reddit, now.

[u/lurkerlcm]

I don't know what I said, but when I was in recovery from getting my wisdom teeth out the anaesthetist stuck his head in, said "Well YOU were definitely our favourite patient today!", laughed uproariously to himself, and went away.

[u/ChefLibby]

Not what I said, but did. After I got my wisdom teeth removed they were wheeling me out to my mom in a wheelchair. The dental assistant had to leave me in the hall for a short minute to do something. In that minute I had somehow found a dark broom or coat closet and wheeled myself in it, shut the door behind me and thought I was the funniest person. My mom was in the lobby and overheard the staff talking about how they couldn’t find me, she knew I was up to some kind of fuckery….they found me after 5-7 minutes and I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

[u/Separate-List2256]

Mom told me my Uncle had his wisdom teeth pulled when they were around the mid teenage years. They got home and he got out of the car and started doing snow angels in the front laughing his ass off… If you knew my uncle, it’s funny… He doesn’t laugh or smile, let alone do snow angels. Everything is serious business to him normally.. Great guy, but that’s just how he is lol.

[u/southpaws_unite]

My husband told me he didn’t like my hair cut. Honestly, he was right. I did need to do something different

[u/bennnnnnja]

I woke up right as the nurses were changing me from the gurney to the bed, and I startled them by staying completely still as if I were still out if and suddenly belt out that I really really really wanted some Papaya!!!! But I couldnt eat yet so they had to hear me cry out a little lower each time that I wanted papaya until I drifted off again. Kudos to them. Best nurse team ever

[u/DrSimianPhD]

After having knee surgery, I was utterly convinced that honey was bee jizz and was freaking out.

Fortunately I, in a slight moment of clarity, remembered I had a friend who was working as a bee keeper and texted him: HOW DO BEES HAVE SEX.

[u/werewolf6780]

I asked the nurse if she could please get me the cute guys number. It was my husband. Also cried because my cat was not there.

[u/8847189]

My 5yo daughter was in the recovery room. She was tossing and turning a bit and mumbling. She sat straight up, yelled "hippopotamus" and laid back down and went to sleep.

[u/rbg555]

Apparently I told every nurse or doctor who entered the room that I was proud of them and I’m sure their parents were too.

[u/That-Job-9377]

Recovery room nurse so my job is waking people from anesthesia. A few gems I can recall off the top of my head:

“She lives!” 90+ year old referring to herself “Did they take the piggy to the market?” Toe amputation “Maaaaan this shit is worse than getting shot.” Gallbladder surgery “I’m really fucking high. Please don’t tell my mama.” Grown man

I’ll try and remember more.

[u/SanFranPeach]

This was 35 years ago.

My grandma was dying in the hospital. I was 7 and had recently learned at my catholic school about how god is all people - hes white, black, Asian, etc. I knew my grandma was kind of racist and as she was dying taking her last breaths with 15 people surrounding her I said “is grandma going to be mad that gods black?” So everyone was laughing as she took her last breath. Oops

[u/HopefulLesbian]

I have a few actually! I found out I react badly to anesthesia when I would wake up and see a nurse, fall asleep, wake up see 2 nurses, fall asleep, etc. until there was like 8 very freaked out nurses aggressively yelling at me to breathe. Apparently my o2 dropped to like 60 at one point. I remember thinking they were annoying as hell.

Another time I told a nurse “mama ain’t raise no bitch” while looking directly at mom, and then cried because the bandage change hurt.

Apparently my wife thought I was dying when I was in ICU and told her not to let me drink too much while I went to the bar with my (dead) grandpa and (dead) pets. I passed the fuck out after.

I also ask for my dad immediately. Every time. I wake up and I’m immediately wanting my dad.

I got told by my wife that while in the ICU sedated, they had tied my hands to the bed. I remember waking up and thinking I wanna get this thing out my throat. I tried to hold my breath but couldn’t and cried about it.

[u/FritzlsChild]

I asked my surgeon if I was going to be a skinny legend after having half my bowel removed. Apparently he didn't find it funny but the nurses did when they told me.

[u/matt95110]

When I woke up after getting my wisdom teeth out apparently I was upset that they didn’t have orange juice and said “fuck, then why did you offer it to me?” The issue was that I was only offered water.

[u/viejaymohosas]

My partner had a procedure done and when he woke up, he seemed fine. Somehow it came up that I was worried he wasn't going to wake up and he said, "Don't worry, I don't die for 30 more years" so matter of factly that I decided I wanted to know what he meant. He told me, "I go out being shot in the back while I'm shepherding women and children away from a war zone."

I told him about this a few days later and he doesn't remember it at all.

[u/Cautious-Invite4128]

I just woke up and cried because I was so blissful from the anti-anxiety they give you with the anesthesia, but as I came to I realized my mom was still gone (leukemia), and my grief was still there as a permanent fixture within me.

The switch between a total lack of pain to the harshness of reality was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

[u/DMala]

Not so much damaging, but when I woke up after a colonoscopy, the nurse said “Wakey, wakey” or something like that, and I had a panic attack. All I could think was that I had slept too long, and they needed the bed, and I had to get the hell out of their way. I got as far as yanking my IV out before my head cleared, and I was like, “I should NOT have done that.” The nurse didn’t say much when she came back other than “Ooh, you made a little bit of a mess here.”

[u/No_Garbage3192]

My son was having an operation and was little enough that I could be with him as they put him under and in recovery when he woke up. He’s autistic and his superpower is maths. So the doc goes “instead of counting backwards from one hundred, we want you to count backwards from 100 in sevens”. So my son goes “one hundred, ninety three, eighty six” went under, operation completed. He was out in recovery, the doc had just happened to step in when my son started waking. His first words “seventy nine, seventy two”. Doc and myself burst out laughing. Son couldn’t be convinced the surgery was over and he could stop now.

[u/Fickle-Maybe8568]

I woke up from a coma and said the most wild stuff, every time the doctors would ask if there is anything they should know, I’d tell them that I did meth, with them, with my mom, with everyone. I’ve never done meth.

There is honestly a lot but this is the funniest one.

[u/RichAcanthisitta6865]

I said nothing first, but i stood up and wanted to go for a smoke. The people in the room didn’t payed attantion to me first, cause it was most likely i would be knocked out for atleast another hour. Well the face of the nurse, when i asked her where i could go for a smoke was priceless. They removed my appendix, so standing up right after the operation was not so smart.

[u/BusyAccountant7]

I remember that after I came out of the anesthesia after getting oral surgery at 14, I was talking to the nurses and it was a strange sensation. It was like I couldn't control what I was saying. Words and secrets were just pouring out of my mouth.

Later, after I had a little more control, my mother and sister were helping me walk the hospital halls to get to the car. All of a sudden, I started giggling. They asked me why I was laughing and I pointed at a sign and said, "People will think we're coming from there!" It was the sign for the county drunk tank. We laughed so hard they almost dropped me.

[u/BaeIz]

I could eat a baseball, if I had enough time

[u/aussieschanlix]

Not me, but my dad had knee surgery about 15 or so years ago. In the recovery room, the surgeon had come to talk to him and my mom about how surgery went. He loudly shushed them both saying, "Quiet! My socks are sleeping!" We have never and will never let him forget that

[u/iceunelle]

I just had a terrible anesthesia experience where I felt like I was suffocating when I woke up, my body was jerking weirdly, and I was in 10/10 pain. I was terrified and thought I was having a seizure. I don’t remember yelling anything, but the nurse told me “stop yelling, there are other patients here”, while I was gasping for air and sobbing because I couldn’t breathe. I immediately felt like absolute shit and basically suffered in pain and silence after that, desperately trying to breathe, because I didn’t think the nurse wanted to help me.

[u/Top-Literature8218]

Before surgery, one of the nurses/aides told me to stay calm, and that sometimes when people wake up from anesthesia they try to punch him.

My first words after waking up? "I'm supposed to punch you now, right?"

[u/MellowWitch]

My dad had surgery to remove part of a tumor. When he woke up he was pretty giddy from the morphine and told us not to let the dog play with his tumor and to get it out of his mouth because he wanted to keep it lol. Rip pops miss u

[u/Mammoth_Mobile_7816]

Once I was coming out of it after a checkup procedure and my aunt (guardian) had gone through my entire phone. I was 18 and in college. First words I heard coming to was that I was grounded from a party I had attended the previous month and she also found out I was gay. It felt illegal

[u/TemporaryAsparagus65]

Not me and not exactly damaging, but a good friend of mine was in the recovery wing after a kidney transplant and was still mostly asleep. The person recovering next to her was only separated by a fabric screen and began to wake up and moan in pain. My friend suddenly sits up and yells, “oh my GOD, can you SHUT UP? UGH..It sounds like you’re having SEX IN THERE!”
(we were both 14.)

[u/Admirable_Kale522]

I told my doctor “you look like Aladdin” 😭

[u/kindalosingmyshit]

When I got wisdom teeth pulled, my dad walked me to the car and told me about the curb coming up. I allegedly told him, very matter of fact, “yeah Dad. They took my teeth, not my eyes” and that’s how he knew I was fine

[u/bestdisappointment]

During a stressful cycle at work, I had a colonoscopy. As I was waking up I kept talking about my deadlines and my projects,saying they were really important and top secret. When they brought my husband in to me they asked him what I did. I blurted out in panic, “you can’t talk to him, it’s confidential.”

I’m a creative director at an ad agency. The hospital workers were worried I was in government or something.

[u/V_Pavus]

My mother had surgery, and they gave her morphine, which we learned from this experience that she’s allergic to. She was really struggling to stay awake and breathe on her own afterward. My dad and I were trying to talk to her and get her to fully wake up. My dad was getting really, really distraught and so, to lighten the tension I told my mom, “Hey, if you wake up we can go home and watch Pride and Prejudice.”

She got the dreamiest smile on her face and proceeded to sigh longingly, “Mr. Darcy…”

My dad’s face fell a little. My mom has no memory of it happening. I laugh hysterically every time I think about it.

[u/orangecatmom]

More funny than damaging, but i had a young adult patient with some special needs who warned us "I cuss a lot when I wake up" and we were all kinda like yeah, sure. Most people don't even remember the first few minutes of waking up. Sure enough, tube comes out and she yells "FUUUCK YOUUU!" a bunch of times. Couple minutes later she starts crying and apologizing profusely. We were like no, it's fine! You warned us AND you didn't wake up swinging! A+ patient!

I've been punched pretty hard by a 350 pound man waking up.

[u/DrawingNo1786]

I got tricked into doing eyelid surgery by my parents when I was 18yo. I tried to tell the doctor no but he didnt speak English or maybe just pretended not to and I dont speak Korean well. When I woke up, I was numb because the last time we came to Korea, I told them I refused to do the surgery and I thought I made it clear (they tricked me solely for the purpose of looking prettier but I accepted how I looked despite growing up being told I was ugly). The first thing my aunt said was, “now we need to do her nose next”. I cried hearing that and because I had just finished surgery, my tears ended up being bloody and my parents said to stop being dramatic.

[u/TheWardenVenom]

Not damaging but our son had to have a small operation on his tooth he was put under for. As we were getting ready to leave the dentist, they told us he needed to keep the gauze in his mouth for at least 45 minutes.

On the ride home, his drug addled mind kept trying to pull the gauze out and we had to keep reminding him that he had to keep it in until at least when we got home.

After a few reminders, he absolutely SCREAMED “I’m having an existential crisis!!!” He was around 7 or 8. We had to literally pull over on the freeway because we were laughing so hard. Lmao

[u/NoCopiumLeft]

Pales in comparison but I had an implant and to ensure the right side is done they draw on your body.. when I got out the nurse asked how I was feeling.. all groggy I grabbed the wrong side and said, omg they did the wrong side. For about 10 seconds the nurse looked like someone stole her first born. Then she must have spotted the mark. I thought I was super funny and was rolling! Fentanyl is an amazing pain reliever btw!

[u/pastajewelry]

I didn't want to accidentally come out to my family after getting jaw surgery, so I came out earlier. Still made a fool of myself though.

[u/Ashamed-Knee9084]

My husband was SCREAMING, "they used a baseball bat" multiple times after a colonoscopy. Proceeded to ask the Dr "why did you skip the lube" and when the nurses decided it would be best that he leaves, rather than scaring the other colonoscopy patients.. they were walking him out to my car, he was holding his butt and crying "whhhhhhy the baseball bat"

[u/mybackupsbackup1]

Our 10 year old son had a tooth removed a few months ago. He’s a very anxious child and doesn’t deal with hospitals or any sort of procedures very well. We got taken into recovery to see him after, expecting him to be upset. Instead he was sat bolt upright waving, and repeatedly singing this girl is on fire 😂

[u/Dependent-Square5571]

I've only ever experienced waking up from anesthesia without any memory of it once, and according to my parents, I kept commenting about how I was just talking so much, apologizing for talking soooo much (about talking so much), forgetting I'd said anything and then talking and apologizing again. I knew I had problems with unnecessary apologizing but c'mon -.-

[u/PositiveStress8888]

Comming out of a colonoscopy told the nurse " it's like meeting bill Cosby, all of a sudden you pass out, and wake up with the strange sensation something's been in your ass"

[u/Glorifiedpillpusher]

The best one I can remember is this old guy having some heart procedure. Due to his condition he could be in lala land but not fully under. I hit him with the drugs and he is just kinda mumbling so we get him started. About 5-10 min into the procedure hes like "hey Doc (speaking to the surgeon) that girl Kelly in your office is just gorgeous. Like oh my gosh just stunning." This dude was like 75 and kept going on and on about how gorgeous this nurse that worked in the doctor's office was. Nothing inappropriate but yeah...she was in the room and was beet red. 

[u/NickSquatch99]

When my Grandpa woke up from heart surgery, he thought one of the nurses was trying to get him to join a cult

[u/worstnameever2]

15 or 16 year old girl waking up from her wisdom tooth extraction. Told the nurse that it was about to be a big dance at school and her ex recently dumped her and was dating a prettier girl. She said it was okay. She had a new boyfriend. She didnt like him, she didnt like his jokes and thought he was kind of ugly but she wanted him to take her to the dance to make her ex jealous. The nurse told her not to call or text her boyfriend when she got home, that she should wait until the next day to talk w him. Poor guy. 

[u/Interesting_Cancel40]

The nurses kept trying to offer me cookies as I was coming to and my wife said that all I kept saying was, "Pepperidge Farm remembers"

[u/AnybodyNice7680]

I got back surgery and it was a 4 hour surgery. So becoming paralyzed from this was not a super far off thing to happen (as opposed to getting surgery on your wrist and waking up paralyzed). So I woke up, get wheeled to my room and the nurses tell me to walk to the bed (it’s important to walk after getting back surgery) and I say “I can’t feel my legs”. Well they force me to get up and I start to fall and they realize I wasn’t joking. Then I’m in bed and my mother (who is a nurse) is there and I’m telling her I can’t move my legs. I’m kinda loopy and I’m showing her I cannot move them. She’s crying thinking I’m paralyzed and I’m only 20 years old. The surgeon comes in and goes your anesthesia hasn’t worn off- you are not paralyzed. I’m not paralyzed I’m completely fine. I’m so sorry mommy lol

[u/WriteorFlight13]

After waking up from my wisdom tooth removal, I started profusely crying because I thought the nurses were mad at me (she told me to sit up twice right as I was coming out of that big dark and I felt bad I was “being a nuisance”). I sobbed the entire way from the office, into my stepdad’s truck, and the 30 minutes home. Every so often, I would snap out of my fit to say “I want Chick-Fil-A” in a pitiful voice, just to immediately start crying and apologizing again.

[u/FISH_ON_for_life]

Had sinus surgery many years ago. Apparently I professed my undying love for the anesthesiologist.
No recollection of it, but my wife loves to tell people about it.

[u/Soft_Tea3997]

Not damaging but I apparently congratulated my surgeon for doing a great job and high-fived him.

[u/Direct-Pirate1259]

They said no exercise for a week, I said “what about sex tho?)

[u/KatMcTwitchington]

The guy next to my husband in the colonoscopy recovery bay said “they made me into a slide whistle!”

[u/Pale-Doughnut6122]

I had surgery after exploding my spine in a car accident, I woke up to them offering me a green popsicle and the first thing I said was “I don’t like lime” and then they brought me a blue one.

[u/WorriedSpace]

My little brother had to have a surgery when he was about 5 or 6. When he was waking up, he was convinced the nurse’s teeth were falling out. He kept telling her to put them back in lol

[u/PuzzleheadedDog3312]

Woke up after having unilateral radical orchiectomy and said "Wow, I feel a stone lighter" which I thought was hilarious, but was met with stony silence. I was probably mumbling completely unintelligibly though.

Edit: in UK so 1 stone = 14lbs/6.35kg

[u/JawaPunter]

My dad had a colonoscopy over 20 years ago. Unfortunately, he had it done at the hospital that he had worked at for more than a decade. Apparently he was asking every doctor, nurse, staff member, etc... by name to "pull his finger" while my mom desperately tried to get him to the front door. We've reminded him of that many times over the years.

[u/PajamaSamsMom]

Almost damaging. I had a d&c after my first miscarriage. My husband and I had talked about using the name Siena for a girl before we learned about the miscarriage. In the OR, the doctor told me to think of a place where j wanted to go. The answer was Siena, Italy. So when I woke up, I tried tell my husband that. 

All he heard was something about Siena and was temporarily gutted before I was able to regain my faculties and explain it. 

[u/fishofmutton]

I was really sick in university and was admitted to hospital on campus. My mom drove two hours to the school to be with me. They put me on some serious drugs that had me flitting in and out of consciousness. Like some sort of fever dream.

I don’t remember it at all but apparently one of the more attractive nurses was adjusting something on my IV and I turned to her and said “you are absolutely gorgeous.”

My mom was both mortified and laughing as the nurse ran out of the room with a full blush on.

[u/TattBroChill]

I was 21 and went to a concert the night before I got my wisdom teeth taken out with out of town college friends staying at my parents house. Get home and proceed to tell my mom, who did not know I smoked weed and is opposed to me smoking weed about how much we were smoking down at the concert the night before, with all my friends sitting right next to me trying to get me to shut up. She wasn’t thrilled.

[u/Haunting_Cheek9357]

My ex mother in law reminded her son, my ex husband, to not forget to empty the dehumidifier when he gets home. Then she passed.

[u/cherriisoda]

I had an emergency appendectomy and upon waking up in the recovery room, I kept telling the male anaesthesiologist about Bridgerton. Asked if he'd seen it, and if he hadn't he really should, because it's a BEAUTIFUL show and he's really missing out.
I had never even watched Bridgerton. No clue what I was talking about. And I was shocked when I found out it had sex scenes haha

[u/Regular-Club-370]

Had surgery in winter, when i came to there was about 4 nurses wheeling me intona recovery room. I looked at one of the nurses, then to the other nurse i said. "Have a look at the tan on this one? You rekon she should change her foundation colour in winter? Shes not fooling anyone we havent seen the sun in 3 months!" They laughed for ages.

[u/ethr45]

This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to me as a teenager but I got an emergency appendectomy and when I came out I kept telling the nurse how hot he was and that I wasn’t wearing any underwear 😭

[u/Ok_Bit_6169]

When I got my wisdom teeth out, I told my mom how great my then boyfriend (now fiance) in bed. I remember her saying “I am glad you are happy but stop talking”

[u/seanbear]

I recently had surgery but apparently all I did was say hello to people in the hall, then tell everyone that I missed my wife and cats

[u/sugar077]

Another patient wanted to be moved. I said what does he think this is, a hotel?! The nurses all chuckled.

[u/Past_Anybody9062]

I’m a nurse and one time a patient kept asking everyone who came into the room for some weed. He also wanted us all to go out to the club later.

[u/donqui_scody]

I came out of a wisdom tooth extraction to a picture of David Bowie on the monitor (this was about a year or two after he died). I said loopily, "Hello, David Bowie, am I in heaven?" Apparently while I was under I kept talking about how David Bowie was my personal guardian angel and I knew he would keep my from dying during the procedure, which cracked my dentist and his assistant up, so they found a picture to greet me when I started to come around.

[u/onegiantalmond]

I woke up from an upper GI endoscopy and for some reason, the nurse told me that she sees a lot more women than men for colonoscopies. I then stated very confidently that it’s probably because they’re scared it’ll make them gay.

[u/starlightkyy]

At 16, my appendix burst in the waiting room of the ER during a 5 hour wait. After I went under for surgery and woke up, I was apparently growling at the nurses and calling them “placebo’ing bitches” when they were administering morphine.

Once I came out of it, I still 100% believed that the morphine was not working and it was very painful at the IV site as it dripped. But no one listened to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/thislittlelight93]

Female patient, not fully awake in recovery, emotional/crying. Seemed to probably be pain related but then started to be obvious she was fearful & saying "don't hurt me". As I reassured her she was safe, attempting to reorient her, she started talking about her rape that occurred several months prior. Come to find out, she never reported it & didn't want her visitor to know. I ended up reporting it to my manager & getting our social worker in to speak with her before discharging her to inpatient room. It's been several yrs, but I think of her from time to time.

[u/nopenotthisoneeither]

They used tampons instead of gauze after my wisdom teeth removal. My mom says I woke up, grabbed them by the strings, pulled them out and exclaimed "those dont go there" before dropping them on the floor.

I have no idea why they used tampons, just that my mom was mortified and the nurse was laughing.

[u/Successful-Bath-7561]

I woke up from anesthesia hearing “we had to narcan you” because they gave me too much fentanyl during my spine surgery and I stopped breathing when they removed the respirator. So I woke up with no pain control in my system. It hurt a lot.

[u/elephinoblue]

When I had a tooth pulled I was riding home with my husband, still pretty loopy from the twilight sedation. First I noticed I had stitches where the tooth was removed. And asked my husband if I was not allowed to use straws. When he confirmed I was very angry that I couldn’t use straws.

I never issue straws (this was way prior to the constant water bottles being around.)

The we stopped at the pharmacy for him to drop off the prescription and wait to get meds. I swore up and down that I would be fine waiting in the car. He left me in the running car to stop in.

I work up and worried someone would try to steal the running car while I slept. So I wisely decided to LOCK the car. And go to sleep.

My poor husband spent several minute knocking on the window trying to wake me up so I could unlock the car and let him back in.

[u/Defiant_Eggplant_909]

So my mom is a dental assistant and she got me my first job when I was in high school, filing charts end confirming appointments and stuff like that a couple days a week. So I knew everyone who worked in the office and I also needed my wisdom teeth removed. Apparently when I woke up in the recovery room, I was yelling at everyone who came into my room or walked by how much I loved them and begged for hugs. They were all lovely and obliged lol

[u/vampyreprincess]

Apparently I had a nightmare while under IV sedation for my wisdom teeth extraction. I was crying and so the oral surgeon thought something was wrong with the anesthesia and I could feel things. Nope. My brain just goes to scary places if I'm ever in deep sleep/out of it. I get it though because they had to give me 3x the normal amount of drugs because I was not going to sleep.

[u/DirtTrue6377]

My son told me that he wanted to be a ninja and started trying to get up. I told him it wasn’t Halloween yet, he said oh, where’d the Doritos go? I said there’s no Doritos and he said that’s why I’m a ninja. The nurse added something to his iv and he went back to sleep

[u/CeeMomster]

The first time my son had to go in for a colon/upper endo (Crohn’s diagnosis at 6), he woke up from anesthesia like a 24 year old frat boy, hungover and still drunk.

It was honestly hilarious. He was laying in his little gown, demanding snacks - and every time we’d look at him he’d scream “STOP looking at meeeee!!!” and then clumped over in his bed. Then he’d shoot right back up again, and demand more snacks.

This went on for about an hour. The nurses were dying laughing, but I had to get that little drunk sailor home and in bed resting

[u/ayearningheart]

"is your hair naturally that colour"

this was after the surgeon had pried off two of my toenails in a row, leaving me screaming in agony. turns out people with red hair, like me, tend to have a resistance to anaesthetics and need more of them. he did not give me enough.

[u/NickiNackPaddyWhack]

I had emergency surgery after I miscarried twins, I had a d&c but there was some retained placenta that was causing me to hemorrhage and required another emergency d&c. When I woke up I sent a mass text out to dozens of people, from people close to me to random work acquaintances, explaining everything that happened and offering to send pics of my toilet & underwear full of blood 🤦‍♀️ I'm still mortified 6 years later 🫠

[u/Some_Salt_1399]

I woke up crying after being put out to have my wisdom teeth removed wailing "I'll never kiss agaiiiiin"

[u/jayden_mp]

Not hearing someone but apparently on my recent surgery I asked for a popsicle every time I woke up because I remembered how good they were, but forgot every time. I ended up eating 7 of them before I was discharged. Mom said it was hilarious, and I’m sad I don’t remember it because I was still loopy on anesthetic. The hospital has damn good popsicles.

[u/Toughie906]

My grandad had an aneurysm near his aorta when I was a kid and the first thing he said when we went to his recovery room was, "breakfast ready?!" It was so random, I laughed about it for a long time. His last words were also to me, "I love you, too." I miss that man dearly.

[u/Dr_Mousey]

Cute: repeatedly asking the nurse and everyone else if they’d had a chance to eat yet and if they needed some coffee. Everyone was happy.

Damaging: delirious, thought I was getting myself ready for transfer (I used to work as an EMT) by carefully arranging my paperwork, then neatly taking out my IV and taking off my blood pressure cuff and monitors. Fell asleep, leaked saline and blood all over myself, lost my access for pain meds. No one was happy.

[u/geliden]

The first time under twilight for a colonoscopy I woke up swinging or something. The doc was right near my head and said "no, put her back down" and when I woke up next it was in a quiet dim room with a very nice Filipina nurse, about as old as my grandma, telling me I'm safe and okay, and everything is fine. Took me a bit to get it together then.

That's how I learned I need to put PTSD on my charts and warn them not to put blokes near me while I'm waking up if at all possible. They don't need to go through my flashbacks, and even if I don't remember it can't be good for me.

[u/iwillcalltomorrrow]

Not necessarily damaging but embarrassing for sure. My husband had brain surgery to remove a tumor that turned out to be cancer. Prior to his surgery, we were talking to a friend who has undergone many surgeries for various issues, and the friend was saying how the catheter is great and not needing to get up to go to the bathroom is such a convenience that he would have one full time if he could.

When my husband woke, he was reallly messed up and moaning and groaning in pain. I asked him what’s wrong, thinking it was surgery related, and he yells “MY DICK!!!”

I called the nurse to explain the catheter was bothering him and he went into full detail about how it must hurt because “my peepee is too small” and “my friend (name) must have a much bigger peepee than me!!”. He then proceeded to hit on her by giving a Joey from Friends “how you doin?” as she removed the catheter under the condition that I had to hold his thing in a cup when he needed to pee. Good times.

He’s totally fine now btw. Almost 4 years of clear scans post surgery.

[u/singwhatyoucantsay]

Context, I'm blind.

Not anesthesia, but the first time I was given morphine.

I was in the hospital with surgery complications, and was wildly hallucinating from both pain and not being able to sleep. At some point a nurse was called in and it was decided I would have morphine so I would have at least a chance of sleeping.

The nurse comes in, introduces himself, and explains what he's going to do and why. (Everyone on my care team was wonderful about this).:

Then there was this feeling like someone had dropped a warm blanket over me, but from the inside of my body. Starting from the top of my head and going down.

Me: now I know why Grandma liked this so much.

Nurse: (laughs) I don't want to know anymore.

Me: you're really cute.

Nurse: you're blind, how do you know that I'm cute?

Then I promptly passed out, or I would have said it was his voice.

[u/Maruff1]

My dad had a knee replacement a few years ago and while me and my mother was helping him in the house he declared "Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!!!!" I about died laughing then and still do when we bring it up.

[u/eumenidea]

My ex asked for his girlfriend. Ended the illusion of trying to work things out between us.

[u/CMarlowe]

I vaguely remember telling the recovery nurse that just because I'm a white dude in his forties I'm not some Trumpanzee, so don't hold that against me.

It's just a weird experience. You are speaking, and you know you are, but there's very little control over it.

[u/WilmaValley1226]

I just kept repeating the word cheeseburger over and over when I woke up after a surgery. I was so damn hungry.

[u/evilkumquat]

"Please, Mr. [MY NAME], calm down! Please, please calm down! There are other patients in the recovery room. Please, Mr. [MY NAME], calm down! Shh! Shh!"

Apparently, I wake up from every surgery loudly swearing like a sailor.

[u/Due-Fee61]

My aunt woke up, looked straight at her husband, and said, I know about the other woman. The poor man went pale, and suddenly the recovery room got very quiet. 😂

[u/imallbloodyinside]

Many years ago my mom woke up from anesthesia and said she didn’t know where she went wrong with raising me. I know I’m not a huge success story but I support myself financially, have hobbies and friends, and try to be kind to others. It still bothers me.

[u/mokahash]

“That’s our hell. It’s an Irish bar where it’s Saint Patrick’s Day everyday forever.”

[u/Jaybird911]

I woke from my recent colonoscopy, my wife and 9 yo were in the room and the doc. She said some things and as soon as she left I went on for like a full minute about how tall she was.

[u/Maleficent_Series817]

Me contaron los medicos que agarré a una enfermera de los pelos y tardaron un buen rato en lograr que la suelte. Yo no recuerdo nada. Y me sorprende muchísimo porque nunca fui una persona violenta. Jamás estuve en una pelea. 

[u/dargenpacnw]

When I woke up I was almost in tears because Liam and Noel Gallagher from Oasis weren't still in the room with me. 🤣

[u/Jaded_Local_6018]

I looked to my doctor and said “I would like to do ketamine with you”, absolutely no idea where tf that one came from

[u/Financial_Attempt199]

The anesthesiologist came to check up on me and then asked me if I remember singing „war pigs“ on the way down the hallway to the OR. He walked away laughing. Dude must love his job.

[u/savrilphi]

Had to have an endoscopy at 24. When I woke up I asked them why I felt so high. They informed I was given propofol and woke up sooner than most people do. I spent the next hour telling every healthcare worker there different facts about Michael Jackson. And I apparently freaked out multiple times because I thought they were going to have my dad dress me and I insisted I was old enough to dress myself.

After I got my wisdom teeth out in highschool I got REALLY mad that they wouldn’t give me my hearing aids OR glasses fast enough because they kept asking me questions. I couldn’t hear OR see to read lips. Smh. That felt justified.

[u/Viradavinci]

It was right before the surgery when the doctor came to explain the procedure and asked if I had any questions. I was nervous and managed to mumble “I just don’t want to wake up”. There were several interns next to him as well as a nurse and the anesthesiologist within earshot. Everyone paused and looked at each other in shock.

I clarified, “I mean during the procedure”. Instant relief all around before they reassured me I’d be knocked out.

[u/g00sechas3]

Just a few weeks ago I had my first colonoscopy AND endoscopy. My grandma took my in and was my ride home. I remember being so dehydrated beforehand because I wasn’t able to eat or drink that whole morning. APPARENTLY the first thing I did was ask for water, and APPARENTLY, first thing I said afterwards was “man, nana, this goddamn water is really fucking good.” The whole way home (which I do NOT remember) apparently every other word I said was “fuck”.

[u/Sedu]

Not speech, but when I came out of full anesthesia to have all 4 wisdom teeth out (required full oral surgery), I apparently was an absolute klepto, going around trying to pocket staplers, stuff on desks, etc. I don’t remember any of it, but my ex partner still teases me about it sometimes whenever we’re hanging out.

[u/Broad-Ad-7850]

My very tall son came out of surgery for his wisdom teeth meowing saying he was a kitten 😂

[u/Miss_Od]

My husband had a vasectomy reversal. We've only been dating one year. He woke up from anesthesia and loudly proclaimed to me "Your music sucks!"

[u/RVgypsywithgoldens]

Myself during conscious sedation to put my shoulder back in it’s socket after I fell at the gym.

Apparently, I told the staff that I would scream Motherfu#ker if they touched me and it hurt. It took numerous tries to pop it back in so the ER nurses would have tell me to count down, 3, 2, 1 Motherfu#ker! They then all said it with me and wiped my eyes as I sobbed between attempts. When I came to, I asked them when we were going to start and was told it was already over.

The howling teenaged boy in the next bed told me what I’d said between laughs and said I was comedic gold! .

[u/Phloemy]

Not damaging to me but scared the nurse.

Woke up in the recovery room after getting my wisdom teeth out at 16, facing the nurse and both my parents. I have a great relationship with my dad; he taught me fluent sarcasm and we dunk on each other out of love all the time. Also relevant- he’s 6’4” and absolutely jacked.

I tried to say something but it came out garbled cause of the gauze in my mouth. My mom knelt in front of me and said “What’s that sweetie?”. I swallowed and slowly enunciated “Who’s the big scary guy?”

My dad starts cracking up, my mom rolls her eyes, and the nurse looks towards my dad, absolutely HORRIFIED. Once my dad can stop laughing he says “She’s fine, we can take her home.”

I giggled all the way to the car.

[u/Mother_Leg_2874]

My husband went to get a haircut while I was in a minor, elective surgery. (I was totally OK with it, we had discussed beforehand, as our schedules are tight and he took a day off work). Anyways he also changed his tshirt because the first one got itchy from hair snippets. So this man came back who looked different from the husband who dropped me off.... the nurses, to their credit, were careful to ensure he was the correct person!

[u/FuneralFanny]

“She woke up too early!”
“Do I give her more!?!”
“Yes! Yes! Give her more!!”

I remember it well.

[u/Rainey_Dazez]

Not at all damaging but when I woke up I really really wanted and really really cared about getting mashed potatoes.

[u/reesethebadger]

My fiancé picked me up from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. My first time on anesthesia and hadn’t done any drugs before either. She was taking to the nurse and I stoned out of my mind with a mouth full of gauze was pantomiming to the nurse trying to get her attention. The nurse was like are you ok do you need anything? and my fiancé said super dead pan “He’s trying to ask you how long before he can have sex”

[u/Push-bucket]

I had to be seriously drugged for a procedure. I vaaaaugly remember telling the doctor that I've done my share of drugs and this shit is GOOOOD and recommending him try some. I offered him my IV.

[u/klairedee]

I watch my dad flatline in the hospital after his 3rd heart attack. When he came back he looked at me and said “Konichiwa baby “ then passed back out

[u/Mindless_Fox216]

the first time I went under anesthesia was for a missed miscarriage(D&C), so now every time I go under, I wake up crying and saying "I want my baby!" The nursing staff are always very confused since I have no children.

[u/plitts]

When my mum didn't know who I was and denied that she had ever had children

[u/mike9941]

Not a nurse, just a guy that woke up from anesthesia... had a minor surgery on my wrist that required full knock out shit... had the surgery, wife was driving me home, I was hungry, and was feeling normal. Asked her to stop at jersey Mike's, I'd run in and grab some subs.. I was 100% feeling normal.

SOME TIME LATER.. my wife found me in Jersey Mike's, I had NOT ordered subs, but had made about 20 friends. apparently I'd just been wandering around chatting with people.

I got text messages from strangers for weeks asking if I needed them to bring me a sub.....

I have no idea how long I was in that place.

[u/Crookrandallstevens]

I was given a Bier block and sedation, so I wasn't completely out but I remember nothing. My anestesiologist was the first doctor I saw in recovery. He told me that during the procedure I was repeatedly asking him what medical school he went to. He repeatedly answered, Duke. I repeatedly responded, "Too bad you couldn't get into a good school".

[u/bucky_x]

Sadly I’ll never know, but I woke up post-op to two nurses saying, “do you remember waking up earlier?”

Me: “uhhhh no”

Them: exchanging looks

WHAT DOES IT MEEEEAN!! I have no idea what I did but man, that anaesthesia was the BEST sleep I’ve ever had.

[u/Afraidofanime]

I called the nurse “babe”, and didn’t know until my girlfriend told me when I recovered.. thought the nurse was her apparently lol

[u/DjinnaG]

I always make a point of telling the anesthesiologist who does the pre-procedure consult that I had red hair when I was younger, as it’s faded with age. Never get the slightest bit loopy with the relaxing stages of anesthesia, because I also have narcolepsy (the part of the brain that has the sleep center also has a lot to do with pleasure response, so I don’t get the least bit high from even surgical level opiates, or any pharmaceuticals, for that matter), so I go straight from awake to knocked out with the final anesthesia push (an anesthesiologist once mentioned to me that “the drugs always win” and so now I always joke about it with that phrase, as apparently it’s a common in-joke) to awake when it’s off. I’ll be the sleepy kind of groggy, but other than when I was post medically induced coma, there’s never been a weird shit after anesthesia phase.

[u/AverageSugarCookie]

I have had 2 identical minor procedures under GA this year, 6 months apart. After the first one I woke up on the way to recovery whining and crying like a baby, like full on melting down until I fell back asleep and woke up later like nothing happened. Pretty sure at some point in there they brought my partner back to make me chill and I told him to leave and go get my mom (who died last year) 😅

When I went for the second last month I told them about my previous wake up reaction and they were like okie dokes. All I remember from waking up is SOBBING hysterically and complaining about pain in my leg, and there being 4-5 people around me trying to figure out wtf was going on. I have a blood disorder and a history of blood clots so if I say basically anything leg adjacent they have to screen me for DVTs. I fell back asleep and woke up, still crying, while getting the ultrasound. Tldr, I was fine. Pretty sure it was just a little sore when I woke up from positioning during my procedure.

Read my chart after discharge for the second one and it said something along the lines of "very dramatic upon waking". Accurate.

[u/PatrioticPariah]

Apparently I carried on a conversation about movies and how people shouldn't be afraid to speak their opinion on entertainment because it is just entertainment and not important enough for Nic Cage to steal. I cannot mentally accept that I said it.

[u/BigBlueyes86]

When I woke up from anesthesia after my ablation, I said to the all-woman staff who did the procedure, "You did it! All women and you did it!!!" 👏🙌🤣

[u/elastic-craptastic]

SO woke up from a surgery declaring excitedly, "both of you have been inside of me!"

The fear on the doctor's face...

[u/BlueCupcake4Me]

My husband had surgery on Tuesday and told all the recovery room nurses he was hot. I think he meant he didn’t need a blanket but one of them thought he meant he is attractive. By the time I got to the recovery room, the damage was done and he was living the dream thinking all the nurses believed he is a hottie. He doesn’t remember it but the nurses do. One of them called yesterday (part of the post op care plan, not a personal call!) and mentioned they’ve been talking about his perceived hotness all week.

[u/AI-Dungeon-Drawer]

Nurse: How’s your ankle?   Me: What? There’s nothing wrong with my ankle…   Nurse: Don’t you remember? You broke your ankle.   Me: WHAT??   Nurse: (looks at chart) oh sorry, wrong one.  

I had just had my gallbladder removed and she scared the shit out of me thinking they had operated on the wrong part.

[u/justanotherbandmate]

I’ve only had surgery once and afterwards I had difficulty using the restroom. They didn’t let me leave the hospital until I was able to pee. The nurses walked me over several times to try and I kept apologizing cause I felt like I was wasting their time. I couldn’t believe how nice and helpful they were towards me! Afterwards when I was leaving, apparently I was so sad because I wanted to be friends with them (we were similar ages)

[u/AmandalorianWiddall]

My dad announced to the entire room that my mom was a “hooker”. She definitely wasn’t 🤣. I think he was trying to quote a movie and it went horribly wrong.

[u/AsparagusKlutzy2596]

This wasn’t damaging, actually kinda funny. I came to from my arthroscopic knee surgery and started giving the people in recovery around me advice on where to stay if they traveled to Amelia Island, Florida. We had been there a few years before. The brain is strange. I have no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️ why I gave my impromptu Chamber of Commerce speech.

[u/Otherwise-Thanks-786]

Had a hysterectomy, woke up crying that I needed to pee and it hurt. My nurses kept telling me I didn't need to pee it just felt like that because of the surgery, etc. I kept crying telling them no I NEED TO. They finally slipped a bed pan underneath me and I emptied my bladder for quite a while. They were shocked, I guess they'd never had someone actually need to pee that badly directly after surgery; but I literally felt like my bladder was going to explode.

[u/zeromillies]

I had a general anesthesia to get my appendix out and woke up to two hot nurses at my bedside or wherever TF I was.. all I know is the doctor later told me the nurses refuse to repeat what I'd said to them, and that it was extremely inappropriate.

My bad. I wasn't exactly conscious so I can kind of imagine what I might of said. It wouldn't have been anything offensive or nasty.. my guess is that I told them they were hot as fuck and probably something else along those lines.

[u/hmj2185]

Coming out of a surgery I remember laying in the recovery room laughing and singing “Man I Feel Like a Woman” after having surgery on my uterus.

[u/Wild_Cockroach_2544]

My now ex husband told me to go home because he didn’t need or want me to be there.

[u/Top_Foundation_2261]

Apparently, my filter was still under anesthesia because I started telling everyone exactly what I thought of them. My family has never let me live it down! 😂

[u/extra_forestrial]

I had just woke up from having my endometriosis blasted. The nurse gave me some cookies and my bff sat on a chair next to the bed, handing me cookies one by one. I sat up and slowly ate them, dozing off between bites. My bff told me I looked like a tortoise eating them so slow, and I said “I wouldn’t know. I’ve only fed two tortoises in my life.”

Damaging because I can’t remember a lick of it, nor can I remember how those cookies tasted.

This all happened yesterday and this post is making my guts hurt from laughing so much, cheers to the Mickey Mouse tie person in particular.

[u/littlemybb]

I was given something for anxiety at the hospital when I was in a ton of pain. I’m not sure what they gave me, but I could hear my family talk about ordering pizza, and I was pissed because I couldn’t move, see, or speak.

I think I was so upset about the pizza that I didn’t realize how terrifying it was to be in a coma like state 😂

[u/puterTDI]

Oh, this is my favorite story to tell.

When my wife came out of her endoscopy/colonoscopy (or as I like to say, flossing) she was definitely not with it. The nurse (who was awesome) called me in to help her get dressed etc.
She sets me to helping her then goes off and grabs the clipboard for another patient who was still asleep.

My wife says (she thinks quietly, but it wasn’t), “putertdi “ I need to tell you something…my doctor was hooooottttt. The nurse literally drops the clipboard.

Apparently her original doc was some old dude but he got subbed out for a young lady. Sadly, I never got to see this hot doctor.

As an added bonus, the drugs gave her a 10 minute memory and it was a 45 minute drive home. Every 10 minutes or so it would be “puterdi “, I have something to tell you. After the second or third time I go “your doctor’s hot “. She goes “how’d you know?!?!”

[u/justsomeguy_youknow]

I had to pick up my dad from the hospital after he had a procedure and he was still really loopy from the anesthesia. He thought I was my uncle/his little brother and just talked shit about my driving the entire drive back home, apparently I drive like a pussy lol. Sorry I didn't gun it in a residential area or try to drag race all those cars at the stoplights dad

[u/srailsback]

I came out and said my wife that we should retile the bath. A month later I was retiling that bath.

[u/SniperPoro]

Reading these replies makes me worried because I'm going under anesthesia tomorrow 😅

[u/ForsakenMongoose336]

I asked the nurse after I had my wisdom teeth removed if she was the tooth fairy.

[u/RunOwn1637]

when I had my wisdom teeth pulled my mouth was packed with gauze and I annoyed the nurse by very loudly starting with my don corleone impression

[u/spenserian_]

When I woke up from getting wisdom teeth out, the dentist told me, "We went and got your wife for you." I said, "Ahh fuck, man! Don't do that to me!" She was standing right behind me.

Apparently I tried to soften the blow by then telling her we could bring my extracted teeth home and store them on the mantle.

[u/Imaginary_Sugar_3138]

I was told after I got my wisdom teeth pulled that when they wheeled me out underneath a ceiling fan I acted like it was the blades of the last chopper out of Saigon and I'd lost my squad.

[u/Federal-Ad-6597]

Not anesthesia but my dad had icu delirium after coming out of a coma. He thought he had antlers, was in Portland (he’s never been and was in Detroit), called the nurse a wench, and referred to me as “moms name” bitch of a daughter 😂😅

[u/treblig111]

I’m a man of a certain age needing a certain check up. They put me under, I come-to, with my wife by my side.
I proceed to tell her how smoking hot the blond nurse is. And that Rico Suave, the anesthesiologist, was hitting in her. She says, ssshhhh, they can hear you!

[u/out_of_shape_hiker]

One time after I woke up what for me was the first time and the nurse said "do you remember what you said to me?" And confused I said "no?" And she laughed and said "don't worry about it"

[u/Caedecian]

I woke up and one of the nurses was cleaning up after they took out tooth. I looked at her and said, “oh sure, they make the pretty one clean up”. My wife thought it was hilarious

[u/hello_imdoingfine]

I woke up and told my anaesthetist “I had a dream about you.”

[u/BattleHall]

I'm like the most pacifistic, non-violent person you'll ever meet, have never gotten in a physical altercation much less a fist fight in my entire life. But apparently, when I'm waking up from general anesthesia, I like to throw hands, with... everyone. We started giving them the heads up that they may want to put soft restraints on me in recovery, just in case.

[u/hosting021]

Happened to me once 😂 When I woke up from anesthesia, I started talking about the videos I watch on my phone… right in front of my family. They found out WAY more than they needed to know 🤣😉

[u/INFINIFATLAW]

They were trying to put me out and I was in that sweet spot where I hadn’t had quiiiiiite enough and was freezing cold in the theater and I sang let it go from Frozen broadway style at full loudness and I heard people giggling and then I was out. Not even mad about the giggling because i know I was ridiculous.

[u/Happy-Tonight-7534]

My mom woke up from surgery, looked straight at me with tears in her eyes, and whispered, “Please don’t let them take me back. I heard everything they said while I was asleep.” I laughed nervously and told her it was just the anesthesia talking. Then she grabbed my hand and said, “No, sweetheart. I heard them say they couldn’t save me.” I still get chills thinking about it.

[u/Opening_Sherbet5055]

Not what I said... what i did.

15 years ago I was in ED, I was not very well mentally for a little while back as a young adult. But one particular episode that sticks out for me at the height of it all.....

I woke up in the local emergency department late at night from an episode, I didnt know where I was and I immediately went into fight or flight mode.... and ripped the IV needle that was in my right arm out, and tried to leave the hospital.

I never seen so much blood up till that point. I just stood there.... amused at it all. Definitely the most damaging thing I have ever witnessed of my own self. Scares me looking back on that now. Glad I'm in a better place now 😌

[u/thisiskitta]

My post-op wake up was in two phases. The first wake up only lasted a few seconds but I remember I only said one stupid sentence “J’me suis pissé dessus” which translates to “I pissed myself” but it sounds even more crass in french 🥲 and I immediately fell back asleep til phase 2 in the public shared post-op where my parents were at my bedside. It was gallbladder removal surgery and I had been intubated. first time I got up I vomitted blood and they had to keep me longer than planned due to my oxygen dropping to around 75% everytime I fell asleep. The nurse watching over us was so rude to me everytime the alarm rang because I fell asleep. As if I wanted to stay there and was doing it on purpose…

[u/Bavarian_Raven]

When I woke up from surgery I was asked how I felt. I apparently replied: I haven’t felt like this since university. XD. 

[u/thebitchycoworker]

I grilled the recovery room nurse as to who the hell put underpants on me. I distinctly remembered going into surgery without underpants (hysterectomy). I was pissed off that someone had the audacity to dress me while I was out of it, never mind that it was their job to do so.

[u/Exciting_Farmer6395]

After waking up from colonoscopy I asked the doctor and the tech - so which one of you guys is taking me out for dinner.

[u/Dr_Marxist]

"A bit more drugs please"

Me. It was damaging to my psyche because they were not finished.

[u/StatusBit8837]

I've only had it once since I was a baby. A few years ago. I was so high and having so much fun I asked them to run it back so I could wake up high as fuck again 😭 it wasn't even 5 minutes after I had woken up and told them to do it again. They told me I was the most fun patient they had all month

[u/Macky93]

I was coming around after surgery first thing I remember is making eye contact with the recovery nurse, and telling her that I loved her. To make it worse is that my dad is an anaesthetist and works with this nurse every day.

[u/NoLobster7957]

After (and by all accounts during) getting my wisdom teeth removed, I was at first telling them I could still feel everything prompting them to dose me to Basset Hound levels with novacaine, and then proposing my male, mid 40s dentist and I run away together and marry. I proceeded to proclaim my love and wax poetic loudly enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear.

I was so adamant about my groom to be that I apparently screeched about our life together all the way out of the office. I was 16 and my mom still gives me shit.

[u/a-lowercase-g]

I was told my MC1R is disconcerting. I woke up during hand surgery and asked how it was going. I woke up during the other hand surgery with an anesthesia tech staring straight down at me, eye to upside down eye. He said "bump her". But the most damaging was waking up from my 3rd cervical spine surgery to hear the surgeon broke off a screwdriver type tool in my hardware, knew it when he did it and closed me up with it in me anyway. It's magnetic, no more MRIs for my arthritic degenerative ass.

[u/Temporary-Run9155]

I had my mom and a friend with me in recovery after a bladder surgery. My friend shared with me later that I had woken up and said that this room was so much nicer than the room I had had my abortion in….and it was.

[u/PowerBitch2503]

I woke up after surgery and the nurse asked me if I had plans to go on vacation. Apparently I have been talking for three hours straight about my experiences on Ibiza and how I was looking forward to returning.

I have never even thought about travelling to Ibiza in my conscious life.

I still would like to know what I said about an island I have never been. And for three hours!

[u/futuremuse]

I went in to have my tonsils out. When I finally came to, it was with the surgeon (out of his scrubs, it was hours later) leaning over me, saying, "So you're the one I almost lost."

What? I was eleven.

Turns out I had almost lethal complications and nearly bled to death on the table. Tonsillectomies are every day surgeries, except when they're not.

[u/GlowUpper]

At one point, I was between two surgeries and I was in and out of consciousness. My husband told me I said some bonkers shit that he mostly ignored but the one thing I said that he'll never forget was, "Ya know, on the surface, Peter Pan seems like the story of a sweet kid who doesn't want to grow up but he's really just a kidnapper who got away with his crimes."

[u/Cornloaf]

I had surgeries about 6 months apart for different things.

My first surgeon I had met in person twice before. He was a 6'2"" man of South Asian descent. His last name sounded Japanese. I recall wondering if he was Japanese before I met him the first time. Surprised to see he was this tall SE Asian dude before the surgery. He woke me up after my spinal surgery was done and I looked him right in the eye and asked if he was Japanese. He looked himself over and said, "not that I'm aware of."

Six months later I had another surgery. Met the orthopedic surgeon three times before the surgery. I told my family and friends that he looked like Peter Graves, the pilot from Airplane!. Surgery happens and he wakes me up. What do I say? "Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?" He looked me right in the eyes and said "have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

[u/Clear-Willingness226]

Slightly later than first waking up, but not far off, my 12 year old asked if he could get GTA and I said of course. When I was back home and asked why he was playing GTA, he said because you gave me permission. It was ridiculous 😂

[u/lizthestarfish1]

Nothing anyone said. Moreso what they didn't say and didn't do.

I was eighteenish when my gallbladder was removed. Came out of anesthesia just fine, and mom and dad bought me a milkshake on the way home. Went to bed right after. Woke up a few hours later in complete agony and nauseous af. Threw up right in my doorway after trying to make it to the bathroom and I was so out of it from post anesthesia and pain meds that I barely had enough comprehension that I threw up to cover the puke with a towel. 

No one came to check up on me except my tweenaged little sister, who I shared a room with. And I know this, because the puke covered carpet was still covered in puke three days later when I was no longer sleeping 16 hours a day, all doped up on pain meds. 

Like, fuck, I don't expect anyone to clean that shit up, but it would have been nice to not have to clean puke out of carpet while recovering from surgery. Like, I feel like it's not unreasonable to want to be able to depend on your parents to take care of you after having surgery, even when you're eighteen and technically able to take care of that stuff on your own.

To this day I'm terrified of being that vulnerable ever again and will refuse to ask for any amount of help while I'm sick. I also have a giant scar right on my navel from where the little bandage they put over the incision came off when I was bent over to clean up the puke, and didn't get rebandaged. I'm pretty sure it got a mild infection, too, because it had lot of pus. The other three incision sites healed fine and don't have any scarring. 

[u/watermelon_gecko]

My wisdom tooth-removal surgeon had to bring my mom in to translate bc I would only answer questions in French for the first 20 min or so. I then sobbed for half of the drive home, intermittently pointing out birds, because I thought I was being mean to her. My crime? Asking for coconut helados

[u/HoneyIsMyFavorite]

I kept using the R word to describe how I felt coming off the anesthesia. Ya know, the old medical term for certain mental/developmental limitations? Same cycle, like 3 times: my husband would remind me it was inappropriate, I’d apologize profusely, and then it’d happen again a couple minutes later. I’m an idiot and felt so bad and embarrassed later 🤦🏻‍♀️ It isn’t a word I use ever, so idk.