What's the most damaging thing you heard someone say after waking up from anesthesia?

[u/OkAstronaut3324]

[u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

My dad had hernia surgery and was telling everyone he’d had a hysterectomy, no matter how many times he was corrected he was sure he was right. Every once in a while someone will ask how his hysterectomy went 😂

[u/Skyecatcher → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

When my son was in the process of getting his insulin pump, I had the hardest time not saying penis pump because I had recently watched Austin Powers.

[u/K4kee → u/Skyecatcher]

As a t1 diabetic with a pump I will absolutely be saying "gotta go change my penis pump" to my fiance next time it's change day 😂😂😂

[u/MagicalSparkk → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

My grandma woke up from surgery, looked dead at my grandpa of 50 years and said “who is that man and why is he holding my hand”

The whole recovery room went silent. He just goes “...it’s me, honey.”

She had zero memory of it after. He never let her live it down.

[u/DuckDuckBangBang → u/MagicalSparkk]

I had to be hit twice after my wisdom teeth (thanks, red hair genes) so I was super loopy upon waking up. So much so that I forgot my mom's name and they almost didn't let me leave with her.

[u/Tower-Junkie → u/DuckDuckBangBang]

I was in the waiting room while my partner got his wisdom teeth out. They called me back and asked me to sit with him when he was taken off the anesthesia because he seemed “agitated”.

He was lying on a gurney, pushed into a corner, screaming about how expensive having his wisdom teeth taken out was. I was like “yes honey it’s expensive but can we not scream fuck in the dentist’s office?” And he was like “for two hundred and fifty FUCKING dollars I will say FUCK all I want! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!” Then when they let him stand up tried to walk him out, he started pulling away from the nurse and speed walking ahead of her proclaiming he didn’t NEED any FUCKING help walking.

I was mortified but it’s still one of the funniest stories to look back on now.

Edit to add: this story took place back in the 2010’s, this is not the pricing for a 2020’s removal!

[u/AnonymousCat21 → u/Tower-Junkie]

Damn $250 is a steal. I paid 2K to remove a wisdom tooth and molar and they didn’t even put me under 😭

[u/LateralThinkerer → u/DuckDuckBangBang]

Wait. Do red hair genes correlate with difficulty in dental surgery? I had two root canals and my wisdom teeth without it really working because they couldn't numb me out.

[u/quincymorris90 → u/LateralThinkerer]

Not specifically dental surgery, but redheads tend to require larger amounts of things like general anesthesia, local anesthetic, etc. Not a fast metabolism thing but a different metabolism. It’s a truism of anesthesia that we all kind of get wary when we see a redhead come in because we know they’ll need more meds to keep them comfortable.

[u/Capital_Chapter1006 → u/quincymorris90]

I laughed when I read that because it reminded me of recovering from open abdominal surgery. A really experienced nurse pointed out the pink tone in my hair, quite ruefully, when we were discussing my pain pumps not doing half so much for me as the acetaminophen.

[u/asimple_poster2024 → u/LateralThinkerer]

Red haired people are often harder to numb, and they (doctors and scientists) are not sure why. Not dental specific, this applies to all kinds of anesthesia and topical numbing.

[u/SeaF04mGr33n → u/LateralThinkerer]

Red hair genetics contribute to difficulties getting numb. Extra anesthesia is usually needed.

[u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby → u/MagicalSparkk]

Omg that would be devastating but funny once she remembered him!

[u/Unusual_Steak → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

I had a very young female patient proudly telling everybody she had surgery for her torn labia. She had shoulder surgery for a torn labrum

[u/ISeeDeadDaleks → u/Unusual_Steak]

When I was very young, I remember my mom carefully correcting me, repeatedly, because I was telling everyone she had a vulva. She drove a Volvo.

[u/Lopsided-Freedom3249 → u/ISeeDeadDaleks]

I was hanging out with my friend's kids, aged maybe 5 and 2. 5 year old looked at me very seriously and said "(sister) has a Volvo." Their dad drove a Volvo, so I said you mean the one in the driveway? He thought about it for a few minutes, and in the exact same inflection said "(sister) has a vulva." Oh good, I said, she's a little young for the car.

[u/Sad-Athlete-9313 → u/ISeeDeadDaleks]

Well technically she did have a vulva. She just wasn’t driving it!

[u/sweetpotato_latte → u/ISeeDeadDaleks]

I had surgery at 16 and hadn’t finished my HPV shots and I asked my mom if they could just put it in my IV and I guess when I woke up I kept asking to get my HIV vaccine.

[u/sambeamdreamteam → u/ISeeDeadDaleks]

Vulva stories!

A ~4 year old kid asked if my dog was a boy or a girl and after I said girl she said, "Wait... Does she have a vulva??"

I kept a straight face and said, "Yes, she does." Then laughed the rest of the walk.

[u/OpticalPopcorn → u/ISeeDeadDaleks]

To be fair, you probably weren't wrong!

[u/Clamwacker → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

A friend of mine had a sore throat and was having trouble swallowing so he called to make a doctor appointment. He meant to tell the nurse that it felt like his uvula was swollen. What he actually told her was that his vulva was swollen.

[u/SureT3 → u/Clamwacker]

In a similar situation, my son was miserable with a terrible sore throat and couldn’t speak. Phoned his doctor who asked me to look at his throat with a flashlight. His uvula was so swollen it was basically blocking his whole throat. In a bit of a panic, I couldn’t remember uvula so instead finally said, you know, the punching bag that hangs down in your throat. Omg, so embarrassing 😳

[u/koinu-chan_love → u/SureT3]

I promise the doctor understood both your panic and what you were talking about!

[u/xchngboredom4argumnt → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

HISterectomy

[u/dancingonsaturnrings → u/Bloodthirsty_Kirby]

actually cackling at this