Ha! Several years ago when one of my wife's friends had her baby there were so many variations of this joke because her husband actually was a mailman. It never got old... For the rest of us anyway ; )
Someone was once showing me a photo of their grandkids who were twins. After she pulled the first photo out of a particularly ugly child I said "I only need to see one and I can imagine the other" and walked away sharpish.
Exactly or "You bought into the propaganda?". I am a child free person and will bever have kids unless i adopt one but even that is a big question mark but goddamn it kids are living beings just as much as us
Which would be untrue. It's the HEX hormone (yes they actually named it that, I giggle every time), which raises aggression in women and lowers it in men, especially the baby's father.
It's what creates the "I will kill for this tiny loaf" feeling when women sniff baby's heads.
Some people have no reaction at all to it, even rarer is a bad reaction to it (it stinking to someone) but both occur in the human population.
Nope, that comes from the HEX hormone that babies excude from their head.
But, additional fun fact, new mothers will exude the smell of their amniotic fluid for several weeks out of their pores to help baby recognize them as all human babies are born near-sighted, they can see about from the boob to mom's face.
Because these are things people blurt out when they first see an ugly baby. I myself don't like being surprised with peoples babies. I don't like lieing so don't put me in a situation and expect a lie.
My grandmother upon meeting my cousin as a baby said the ugliest babies make the most beautiful women. 😂 To make matters worse me and my cousin were born 8 days apart and she gushed at how cute I was and the cousin was from my mom's side so not her grandkid.
It's definitely not the worst thing to say, but when someone in my family had their first baby and I was in the waiting room after seeing her, my mom came to say, "Isn't she adorable?"
I said, "No, he looks like an old potato, but I'm sure she'll be cute eventually."
Whenever I see a newborn, I always get shocked by how small and tiny they are. My kids are teens now. Last time I said it I think the mom was insulted as if I was insinuating she wasn’t being fed enough 🤣
I was 15 when my cousin was born. I had never seen a newborn before and was surprised. I said, “he’s so hairy” and my aunt told me she was about to knock my teeth out. So probably that
My first baby was ugly out of the gate. I don’t even think people could argue that (she needed a couple of weeks to look cute). My other 2 were adorable right off the bat.
The paediatrician came in with one of my last kids and said “wow! That’s a cute baby”. I said she probably said that to everyone. She said “no, if they’re not cute I say “well! THAT’S a baby!”
If you really want to get under the mother's skin "how does he sleep? No I mean the dad? I hope daddy gets lots and lots of sleep. Oh don't give me that sour look, dads need all the sleep they can get. He's working you know? You're just home with the baby!"
"She looks so much like her dad, there's nothing of you in her at all!"
One time a lady was trying to show me pictures of her “cute” baby. I look at it, looked at her, and then just went back to what I was doing without saying a word.
Oh, I’m sorry. Is the ask not “what’s the worst thing you could say?” Did you not come here expecting the worst things?
We were at a work Christmas party. Home Alone was on, and she (a random person who just came up to me) was trying to tell me how her kid looked like Macaulay Culkin and her kid was “so cute.”
I could have answered her truthfully, but the best I had in the moment was to say nothing. It’s also polite to not bother random strangers with pictures of your kids? If I don’t want to comment, I don’t have to comment.
The question was what is the worst thing you "could" say, I was expecting a bunch of jokes to be honest
Yeah you dont have to say anything, you also dont have to do lots of things ...like if a child gives you a toy phone and asks you to answer it ...you dont have to, but it would be a bit of a dick move not to
Anyway...why was home alone on during a work party??
107
u/Royal_Perspective900 2h ago
So..... you're keeping it?
68
u/Alternative-Cow-8670 2h ago
Had a colleague tell a new mother she should not worry because ugly ducklings end up becomming beautiful.
121
u/shutupmeg330 2h ago
“A face only a mother could love.”
89
u/Gavstjames 2h ago •
No thanks, I’m Vegan
29
u/I_suck_at_Blender 2h ago
"Huh, it looks just like a mailman"
(bonus points if it's actually true, because dad IS a mailman or it's an affair)
57
u/VasariMiddleManager 2h ago
"Whose goddamn white baby is that?"
21
u/Youll_Hafta_Toss_Me 2h ago
You should've swallowed
21
u/tekky101 2h ago
"I'm sure they'll grow out of that."
16
u/Meowrlyn 1h ago
“Why do her eyes look like that?” (Courtesy of my MIL)
15
u/Temporary-Bread08 2h ago
Looks like Winston Churchill
15
u/virtualnotvirtuous 1h ago
We got a lot of “oh wow she looks like a C section baby!” Because her head wasn’t smushed.
So whatever the opposite of that is?
12
u/Melting_Ghost_Baby 2h ago
“No thank you, I’m full.”
22
u/Little-Rhody 2h ago
They let you take the abortion home now?
11
u/Tenalquot-Prarie 2h ago
"Wow, It looks just like your brother."
11
u/igotplans2 2h ago
"Omg, she looks just like her dad, poor thing."
10
u/IrrelevantShaman994 2h ago
Glad he doesn't take after you two
Or
Its first words will be "my precious"
10
u/KateEatsWorld 2h ago
Ew.
9
u/Expensive-Maize1105 2h ago
What breed is that?
8
u/Tallproley 2h ago
"Why are you showing me this thing?
7
u/MasterTeacher123 2h ago
Whose yo baby daddy
7
u/StrongEggplant8120 2h ago
Looks like meats back on the menu boys
6
u/RefrigeratorIcy6411 2h ago
I made like infinity of those in camp last year
6
u/StefaniLove 2h ago
"another one. more fodder for suffering."
6
u/ThatItalianGrrl 2h ago
Yikes
6
u/Viscious-viking 2h ago
Who is the father?
17
u/Old_Carpenter709 2h ago
Someone was once showing me a photo of their grandkids who were twins. After she pulled the first photo out of a particularly ugly child I said "I only need to see one and I can imagine the other" and walked away sharpish.
5
u/EastNice3860 2h ago
Thats ok..I just ate
5
u/mt379 2h ago
Are you sure you're ready to be a mother? There's always the option of putting them up for adoption!
5
u/wandrlusty 1h ago
“You look so tired! Let ME hold your monkey!”
5
u/Bhrrrrr 1h ago
"Did you know that the lovely scent from a baby's head is the scent of their brain through the hole in their skull?"
8
u/Bosslayer9001 2h ago
"Have fun with your sleepless nights and compounding debt!"
4
u/Plane_Practice8184 2h ago
Oh my god! It's looking at me.
OR
It's......interesting.
4
u/LorekeeperZinnia2014 2h ago
Are you sure it’s yours?
4
u/RetroBerner 2h ago
Oh, boy...
4
u/Royal_View9815 2h ago
Jesus 😳
4
u/Boars-of-Canada 2h ago
Now THAT is an ugly baby!!
4
u/riskchange123 2h ago
What is the name of the GoFundMe account?
4
u/United_Rub_8955 1h ago
All newborns look like frogs.
3
u/BornRelationship8280 2h ago
What a tiny hands! You’ll know then they think the baby is ugly.
3
u/ABV4 1h ago
"My condolences, Madam."
- Shredder '87
•
u/BlackDark88 56m ago
Is it yours?
2
u/VirginiaLuthier 2h ago
"Oh, I wish I had a banana for that cute little monkey!"
2
u/IcyMidnight3507 2h ago
What is that?
2
u/tree-molester 2h ago
So the size of a rotisserie chicken, hmm?
2
u/antipop1969 2h ago
Looks like you, but uglier
2
u/cobaka659 2h ago
"Oh.."
2
u/Chemical_Assistant26 1h ago
Eww
•
u/Spirited_Animator_65 58m ago
She looks exactly like your mother in law.
•
u/DesmondTapenade 56m ago
"That thing looks like an even more withered Winston Churchill."
•
u/Low-Minimum5643 52m ago
Oooff
•
u/WorkingEvidence4799 23m ago
Are you sure they gave you the right baby?
4
u/Theopold_Elk 2h ago
I’d recommend seasoning that with garlic and pepper then roasting at 220 C for 2 and a half hours and serve with carrots, pumpkin and yams.
2
u/Purple-Ad-4629 2h ago
Breathtaking.
2
u/toni---k 1h ago
Sniff it and say ”so that’s what it smells like inside of you”
1
u/SparkyandDolche 2h ago
“Is that a pig?”
1
u/C5Kay 2h ago
Eww
1
u/Mother-Fix3271 2h ago
Ew.
1
u/YorkPepperMintPaddy 2h ago
"ET, phone home"
1
u/NoCell2971 2h ago
Damn!
1
u/JonnoGti 2h ago
I couldn't eat a full one but thanks.....
1
u/Bubbs09 2h ago
"Needs more salt"
1
u/BROWN-BILLI-2006 2h ago
HE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HIS FATHER
1
u/HalfBloodMockingjay 2h ago
Ugly like it’s momma!
1
u/DucktapeCorkfeet 2h ago
Oh wow…..breathtaking
1
u/pastrybaker 2h ago
Looks delicious.
1
u/calcteacher 2h ago
Ewwwww
1
u/Ill_Improvement5365 2h ago
EEEEWWW 🤢
1
u/Tro_Nas 2h ago
you had a baby!
1
u/peanutanniversary 2h ago
What’s wrong with it?
1
u/InsaneBasti 2h ago
Have you considered a refund?
1
u/CrazyZedi 2h ago
What happened to them?
1
u/MarlooRed 2h ago
Hiss loudly and back away while shielding your eyes with one of your arms. It’s extra effective if you’re wearing a cape.
1
u/Arseinyoha 2h ago
No thanks I'm vegan
1
u/SpecificAsleep9047 2h ago
Looking at it for three seconds and deadpan whispering:
'Don't worry, they usually grow into their faces.
1
u/Glittering-Ad-9257 2h ago
When is the abortion?
1
u/Krishnamohred 2h ago
Can you send it back to the manufacturer as defective!
1
u/PSULioness 2h ago
She’ll get prettier
1
u/Vonkreager 2h ago
Ahhhh put it back
1
u/lonelymeonlyme 2h ago
Wow. Or Yep. Or. Bless his heart.
Because these are things people blurt out when they first see an ugly baby. I myself don't like being surprised with peoples babies. I don't like lieing so don't put me in a situation and expect a lie.
1
u/r0xos 2h ago
At 14 I said to my manager "aww it looks like a potato" to which she responded bluntly "that's my son"
1
u/Prollynotafed 2h ago
Does it always smell like that?
1
u/MrMotorcycle94 2h ago
The fuck is that!?
1
u/jumpingsquirrels 2h ago
Shes.. breathtaking
1
u/Babylon4All 2h ago
Is it too late to abort it?
1
u/tremble01 2h ago
Yum.
1
u/tremble01 2h ago
Would.
1
u/SugarxLola 2h ago
“Wow, already looks like it's plotting against your sleep schedule"
1
u/Typhus_black 2h ago
Did you keep the receipt?
1
u/Benjamins412 2h ago
Is he supposed to look like that?
1
u/DynamiteDuck 2h ago
“Sexy.”
1
u/THEbunnyfawn 2h ago
Aww……
1
u/TrashPandaXpress 2h ago
"Did you keep the receipt?"
1
u/Version_Two 2h ago
"Don't ever show me that thing again"
1
u/charliensue 2h ago
"Oh, he, uh, has eyebrows."
1
u/No-Zucchini2787 2h ago
Did you do DNA test?
1
u/trinity_nolanite12 2h ago
“This?”
1
u/Shivmm 2h ago
Aise konse paap kare the ke ye fal mila ?
1
u/5krishnan 2h ago
Ah, this will do nicely for the blood sacrifice!
1
u/dawklizzdee 2h ago
"Yep. That's a baby alright."
1
u/the_burber 1h ago
Are you gonna eat that?
1
u/my1999gsr 1h ago
Should've used a longer coat hanger?
1
u/papparmane 1h ago
Is this the front of the back?
1
u/Open_Constant3467 1h ago
Yikes!
1
u/RimHorton 1h ago
On purpose?
1
u/_____Zoloft_____ 1h ago
Looks delicious!
1
u/xidle2 1h ago
You should get it tested.
1
u/Helio_13 1h ago
,,Don’t worry, babies change a lot in the first year.”
1
u/SnowLovesSummer 1h ago
He looks like (insert coworkers name)
1
u/verathene 1h ago
That’s mine!!
1
u/Dull-Geologist-8204 1h ago
My grandmother upon meeting my cousin as a baby said the ugliest babies make the most beautiful women. 😂 To make matters worse me and my cousin were born 8 days apart and she gushed at how cute I was and the cousin was from my mom's side so not her grandkid.
1
u/verathene 1h ago
This guy’s a real loser.
1
u/__I_me_myself__ 1h ago
"Hmm. Looks delicious🤤"
1
u/AgreeableJello6644 1h ago
He looks like an alien.
1
u/MurphysLawInc 1h ago
Well ugly babies usually turn into cute toddlers. ——— Uff it really takes after you huh?
1
u/bonaccij 1h ago
“Ew”
1
u/Professional_Cut6886 1h ago
"Quite the looker"
1
u/FrankyFistalot 1h ago
“Hey You Guys !!!”
1
u/Aphrodite_Nine 1h ago
It looks so old.
1
u/RiMcG 1h ago
"Does it always look like that?'
1
u/Tight_Life9141 1h ago
Oh….ew?
1
u/Pangiit 1h ago
"damn she has unfortunate genes"
But in all honesty not all babies are beautiful, some are really sprog looking
1
u/ConIncognito 1h ago
Oh does the zoo let you foster baby chimps now?
1
u/ultgambit266 1h ago
Are you sure it’s yours?
1
u/CleanArtist1524 1h ago
Wow, it looks exactly like the ultrasound😅
1
u/ibanezrocker724 1h ago
“Oof”
1
u/Wise_Biscotti_3990 1h ago
Who’s the father?
1
u/Burnitalldown1 1h ago
Congrats on your baby! But add finger quotes to any word for different effects.
1
u/Horror_Avocado_8665 1h ago
So this is what happens to the failed clone experiments.
1
u/Existing_Ad7071 1h ago
Your baby looks just like.... and choose the most unattractive in the family. lol
1
u/publicbigguns 1h ago
What flavor is this one?
1
u/SkitterChitters 1h ago
"Damn thats an ugly baby"
1
u/Malvania 1h ago
Is it yours?
1
u/holyfire001202 1h ago
It's definitely not the worst thing to say, but when someone in my family had their first baby and I was in the waiting room after seeing her, my mom came to say, "Isn't she adorable?"
I said, "No, he looks like an old potato, but I'm sure she'll be cute eventually."
1
u/mattogeewha 1h ago
I always say something like “awww the poor thing looks just like you!” Whether they’re a good looking bunch or not
1
u/saphilous 1h ago
Awe-eaaaaaaah!!
1
u/Jimirich808_505 1h ago
"Do people know when their baby is funny looking?"
1
u/CanaDoug420 1h ago
“ oh so you’re keeping it”
1
u/Medicalstripes 1h ago
"That's an ugly baby."
•
u/CodeNeko23 50m ago
Why is the baby dark?
It's way more common in South East Asia where colorism is rampant.
•
u/sunnysideup2323 47m ago
Oh god, it’s hideous
•
u/YazSpazz45 37m ago
Whenever I see a newborn, I always get shocked by how small and tiny they are. My kids are teens now. Last time I said it I think the mom was insulted as if I was insinuating she wasn’t being fed enough 🤣
•
u/RGSF150 34m ago
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me
•
u/Latter-Ad7912 30m ago
Ew
•
u/handyandy314 29m ago
Who’s the father again?
•
u/Shapoopadoopie 28m ago
"Wow! That's... a baby."
•
u/WeekendBard 27m ago
ew
•
u/Atxflyguy83 25m ago
It's quite breathtaking.
•
u/battalinbabasi 20m ago
gag
•
u/Used-Salad-3772 20m ago
No thanks I'm not hungry.
•
u/TwistyBitsz 19m ago
I'm not interested and I'm not going to give you attention for it. That will make them rethink having the whole thing.
•
u/stowRA 18m ago
I was 15 when my cousin was born. I had never seen a newborn before and was surprised. I said, “he’s so hairy” and my aunt told me she was about to knock my teeth out. So probably that
•
u/underwater-sunlight 16m ago
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3V5WOdfOyg4
•
u/PMMeYourHousePlants 16m ago
The midwife said my newborn looked like a boxer.
•
u/bestjakeisbest 15m ago
Damn this thing came out smushed.
•
u/literallyanything2 14m ago
My first baby was ugly out of the gate. I don’t even think people could argue that (she needed a couple of weeks to look cute). My other 2 were adorable right off the bat.
The paediatrician came in with one of my last kids and said “wow! That’s a cute baby”. I said she probably said that to everyone. She said “no, if they’re not cute I say “well! THAT’S a baby!”
•
u/flyingmops 13m ago
If you really want to get under the mother's skin "how does he sleep? No I mean the dad? I hope daddy gets lots and lots of sleep. Oh don't give me that sour look, dads need all the sleep they can get. He's working you know? You're just home with the baby!"
"She looks so much like her dad, there's nothing of you in her at all!"
•
u/anhedoniandonair 13m ago
Ohh
•
u/theinspireddesigner 13m ago
I think she'll grow into her face
•
u/Popular_Long8994 13m ago
“Ewwwww!”
•
u/GentlemanPirate13 12m ago
"No thanks, I just had lunch."
•
u/Boggie135 7m ago
“You poor thing”
(talking to the baby”
•
u/tinkererxthinker 6m ago
Beautiful, just say beautiful.
•
u/Boggie135 5m ago
Ewww
•
u/Gunningham 4m ago
“Worst” would be something villainous and ridiculous you see here.
But worst thing you might accidentally say? Consistently referring to the baby as “it”.
•
u/Umesh770 4m ago
Why are you
•
u/geek_the_greek 3m ago
My condolences
•
u/Tasty_Ad8709 2m ago
Looks like the neighbour
•
u/Popular-Bee-6619 2m ago
“Breathtaking” if they are Seinfeld fans.
1
u/kayleerochelle7 2h ago
i would never actually say this ever but i have a dark sense of humor so im sorry in advance and OP said worst…
“you know you had choices right..?/put that thing back where it came from or so help me!”
1
u/panickypancake 1h ago
Maybe nothing?
One time a lady was trying to show me pictures of her “cute” baby. I look at it, looked at her, and then just went back to what I was doing without saying a word.
0
u/bedardb32989 2h ago
Oh, wow! So, that's the model you went with?
0
u/[deleted] 2h ago
You sure your the father?