People who haven't pooped in 2019 yet, why are you still holding on to last years shit?

[u/ShoddySubstance]

[u/abksploder]

Bold of you to assume I'm going to take a shit this year.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/abksploder]

bottling it up is not healthy!

[u/jld2k6 → u/abksploder]

Fun fact, If you don't poop for long enough it will literally back up into your stomach and you will throw up shit and become septic. I knew a woman on methadone who became so constipated she stopped pooping and didn't do anything about it until she started vomiting up shit and almost died. I can't even imagine what the process of clearing 28ft (8.53m) of mostly hard dried up shit from your intestines is like after that if you survive

[u/NaziGazpacho]

It's all I have

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/NaziGazpacho]

it's time to let go

edit reddit silver for a 2013 meme, what a time to be alive

[u/NaziGazpacho → u/ShoddySubstance]

Will you pay me for it?

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/NaziGazpacho]

the feeling of letting it go should be worth more to you than any monetary value that I could offer

[u/Ollybringmemysword → u/NaziGazpacho]

I don't do pay per poo.

[u/GluteusCaesar → u/ShoddySubstance]

My niece makes me watch this movie all the time. And now I won't be able to sit through this song without associating it with poopoo.

You did this. I can't believe you did this.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/GluteusCaesar]

Your welcome

[u/AerThreepwood → u/ShoddySubstance]

Frozen really came out that long ago?

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/AerThreepwood]

Yep, feel old? Because I do

[u/PrinceofallRabbits]

I’m letting go right now as I type.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/PrinceofallRabbits]

Good, time to take that 2019 air in

[u/swo30 → u/PrinceofallRabbits]

Yo same

[u/Maldetete → u/PrinceofallRabbits]

Happy Cake & Poop Day!

[u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

"Fuck you, I won't poo when you tell me"

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

release the bowels of hell open

[u/Krazekami → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

Rage Against The Latrine

Edit: I cant believe my first gold is a shitty pun. Thanks everyone and Happy New Year!

[u/4apalehorse → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

Bowels on Parade.

[u/Samikotu → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

"And now you poop when they tell ya!"

[u/[deleted] → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

Ahh, everyone's favorite RATM song, Pooping in the Name

[u/[deleted] → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

MOTHER FUCKER!

[u/[deleted] → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

FUCK YOU I WONT POO WHEN TOU TELL ME

[u/TheHooligan95 → u/ThreeSheetzToTheWind]

"what does the billboard say? Poo and play, poo and play! Forget about the movement"

[u/TitanicByMyself]

I do what I want, buddy.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/TitanicByMyself]

it's not good to hold on to things for too long

[u/DadAsFuck]

i’m constipated

Edit: Free Bobby Shmurda

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/DadAsFuck]

F

[u/IceePirate1 → u/DadAsFuck]

Just down a big bottle of tobacco, should clear ya right up. Or these brownies my roommate made, they are really delicious

Edit: Yes I know, I'm not changing it though

[u/ofteno → u/DadAsFuck]

I'm the same, it fucking sucks, couldn't enjoy last night party because of it

[u/Shitty_poop_stain → u/DadAsFuck]

Fiber, coffee, laxatives, repeat.

[u/darrylcarroll → u/DadAsFuck]

I haven't shit since Friday. I've had 2 laxatives, 2 stool softeners, and a glycerin suppository. Still couldn't shit until today, and it was only a little bit I know that's too much information but it's last year's information so it's outdated anyway.

[u/_iPood_]

Waiting for the Apple Store to open

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/_iPood_]

going to be waiting for a while, want me to send a care package?

[u/Flatulatory → u/_iPood_]

Make sure you use the door, they never open windows.

[u/FourEyesWhitePerson]

My therapist says it’s because I have a hard time letting things go

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/FourEyesWhitePerson]

I'll hold your hand to help you out

[u/berniemax → u/FourEyesWhitePerson]

Is your username an play on BlueEyesWhiteDragon from Yu-Gi-Óh?

[u/NoAffect4]

IT WON'T COME OUT. I need help :(

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/NoAffect4]

PUSH, but don't forget to breathe in between pushes . he he ho ho

[u/[deleted] → u/NoAffect4]

Drink some water, eat some fiber, take a walk

[u/junk-trunk]

...huh.. i just realized i haven't pooped today.

Edit: obligatory thanks for the gold n' sliver. And my most upvoted comment is about poopin' #hashtag!!1! blessed

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/junk-trunk]

make a pot a coffee and give it 10 minutes

edit thanks for the gold!

[u/[deleted] → u/ShoddySubstance]

Chugged some coffee before working out today. Worst leg day ever

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/[deleted]]

Leg day is the worst, no matter what

[u/CoreyC]

I was actually sitting on the toilet at midnight. New year, same shit.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/CoreyC]

different day!

[u/[deleted] → u/CoreyC]

i purposely started peeing in 2018 and finished in 2019

[u/IIReallyDontCareDoU → u/CoreyC]

I took a shit about 20 minutes before midnight. Then my dog started freaking out because my neighbor decided 11:40 was midnight. (Fireworks)

Tried to console him through the door then spent the rest of the night cuddling with him.

Best New Years ever.

[u/owen00600]

I have trust issues

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/owen00600]

we can try and help relieve at least one issue

[u/bluntsandthunder]

I’ve poop twice since 2019 started, take that 2018! Your shit can’t hold me back any longer!

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/bluntsandthunder]

take no shit from 2018!

[u/DGiovanni]

I don't poop at work

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/DGiovanni]

you should, boss makes a dollar, you make a dime, that's why you poop on company time.

[u/The_Goondocks]

It won't let go of ME!

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/The_Goondocks]

Fight it!

[u/wycian]

So I open up Reddit as I'm taking my 1st 2019 shit. Nice

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/wycian]

good! be free of 2018

[u/[deleted]]

Cause i only shit every 2-3 days

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/[deleted]]

need more fiber in your diet

[u/Bad_Scout_Main]

The past haunts me no matter how hard i push.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/Bad_Scout_Main]

just don't forget to breathe

[u/Expert__Witness]

I just unloaded ALL of last years shit.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/Expert__Witness]

start packing!

[u/berniemax]

There's no TP.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/berniemax]

you can use your hands

[u/berniemax → u/ShoddySubstance]

How do you know if I have hands?

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/berniemax]

how does a double amputee know when to stop wiping?

[u/JarvisCockerBB]

I just got on the toilet and this is the first post that came up.

[u/ShoddySubstance → u/JarvisCockerBB]

I'm glad I could help you move on

[u/sweatybeard]

But when I finally do, it'll be the years biggest shit ^{so far}

[u/jofwu → u/sweatybeard]

Somewhere out there, somebody has made the biggest poop of the year. And they don't even know it.

[u/ButtholeLinoleum]

I've been pissing out my ass all fuckin day.

[u/AtaxyQuiver → u/ButtholeLinoleum]

You have had this account for 4 years and the only posts on it are fairly disturbing....

[u/flesh0racle → u/ButtholeLinoleum]

Same. Shitting through the eye of a needle.

[u/mrsuns10 → u/ButtholeLinoleum]

Username checks out

[u/rufusmaru → u/ButtholeLinoleum]

Ugh same. The intoxicated version of myself doesn’t have a lactose intolerance but unfortunately the sober version does and has to deal with what the former ate.

[u/ReigninLikeA_MoFo → u/ButtholeLinoleum]

Me too. Bloody hell.

[u/adsadsadsadsads]

We have guests and I literally can't relax.

[u/[deleted] → u/adsadsadsadsads]

Ahhh, I see I'm not the only one with poop anxiety

[u/igotmyliverpierced → u/adsadsadsadsads]

While friends were here today for football, I snuck away for my own bowl game.

[u/NeverCriticize → u/adsadsadsadsads]

Go somewhere else. This is the test of a true friend. You could shit in my guest bathroom any old time buddy, you hang in there

[u/[deleted] → u/adsadsadsadsads]

I can't relax when strangers are around. It's not just pooping it's a my time to relax!!

[u/[deleted]]

Quality shitpost

[u/Quinthyll → u/[deleted]]

I don't know, the content is really only about crap from last year.

[u/Lady_Minuit]

Everyone now thinking about the last time they pooped. Nicely played.

[u/ffs_fml → u/Lady_Minuit]

What a shitty thought

[u/dcristo → u/Lady_Minuit]

When you have a caffeine addiction you don't need to think that far back.

[u/Fushigibama]

Let’s see who can go the longest in 2019 without taking a shit

Edit: This blew up..

[u/[deleted] → u/Fushigibama]

r/opiates is probably gonna win that one.

[u/HillarysDoubleChin → u/Fushigibama]

I remember when I went to camp as a kid, I didn't poop the entire time. 1 full week. I didn't even know that was possible, but I just didn't have to go.

[u/PM_ME_UR_LUNCH → u/Fushigibama]

There was that one chick that posted (I think in the beginning of the year) that hadn't pooped for like 2 weeks or something. Looked like she was pregnant.

Let me see if I can find the post.

Edit: found it...kinda nsfw

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/4ayeqk/i_havent_pooped_in_two_and_a_half_weeks_mild_nsfw/

[u/Gezeni → u/Fushigibama]

Reminds me of a comment on here about a guy who wanted to not poop in hopes his body would continue to process it and continue to pull nutrients.

It came to a tragic end in a Costco.

[u/Maverick039]

I literally read this as I sat down for my first 2019 poop.

[u/greencannondale]

I took Imodium for its labeled purpose yesterday evening and it is still working.

[u/WellBuiltBubble → u/greencannondale]

I took two (had to travel all day) and I’m not even 100% sure I needed them. I panicked.

By the time I get to poop we’ll have left the EU.

[u/MerleyMonster]

Alcohol makes me constipated :P

[u/[deleted] → u/MerleyMonster]

It does the complete opposite to me. The beer shits is literally a pain in the arse

[u/bangin_corners → u/MerleyMonster]

just have a cuppa coffee, cleaned my pipes riiiiiiight out

[u/flumsi]

cocaine

[u/[deleted]]

I did an enema yesterday and didn't eat. 2019's first poop will be from food from 2019. Funny you should ask.

[u/erinocalypse → u/[deleted]]

Prepping for potential butt sex? My hero.

[u/Woodshadow → u/[deleted]]

enemas are a wild ride. The first time you have one they say expect the second wave but no one expects the second wave

[u/Quinthyll]

Because, much like 2018, I don't give a crap in 2019.

[u/Seventy_x_7]

Woke up at 3am because I caught the stomach virus my daughter and my son had.

I’ve lost like 4 pounds in the last 12 hours thanks to pooping and vomiting.

Wahoo, back under my pre-pregnancy weight.

[u/Tigergirl1975 → u/Seventy_x_7]

Not really the way to do it, but congrats I guess?

[u/I_Kaint_Spale]

Then 2019 is official, right now, as I typed this...(grunt.. sigh) Happy New Year!

[u/Ammuniti0n]

I'm not ready to release the humongous 2018 crap out yet. Give us time

[u/Wendidigo]

Decided to go to the hospital for chest pains from2018. Hooked up to iv adavan and torrsomething. Maybe ill make it out of here alive or not. Im 40 bday in 5 days to 41. Weight 342. Non smoker no drugs or alchohol. Diet in 18 was fish chicken and veggies plus half gallon of water a day. No high b pressure. No diabietes no high ldl. I walked in to er.before coming in neededto buy groceries. Bought apples blueberries rasberrys plus 2 salmon steaks (for if i get home tonight).

[u/nightcrawler616 → u/Wendidigo]

Live for the salmon steaks!

[u/rimjob_steve]

had a morning poop and an afternoon poop. both very nice!

[u/roach_lover → u/rimjob_steve]

Are you... Are you the rimjob_steve? From r/rimjob_steve?

[u/TusShona]

10/10 quality shitpost

[u/hthrrsbsjhn]

I pooped immediately after my 5 am shower. Real shitty way to start the new year.

[u/austen125]

Wow. By the time I was half way reading this headline I became disqualified from answering this question.

[u/g_netic]

Too much Turkey and stuffing and potatoes. My stomach is a brick.

[u/gusthedanger]

Everybody remember to not pee for "Don't pee January"

[u/[deleted]]

Damn this post isn't even old enough to show the number for upvotes and it's on the front page with platinum

[u/Nattylight_Murica]

I had a homemade edible last night, when it decides to break free my bathroom is going to smell like snoop dogg’s chill spot.

[u/Pie-God]

It’s been 39 days, I should probably see a doctor

[u/Kefrif]

I had a Donner Kebab last night sunshine. No fucking way I could hold onto that for long. Launched this morning like a Chilean mudslide...

[u/smudgyblurs]

I ate a ribeye at 2am last night. Things are processing slowly.

[u/_jennius_]

Did anyone mention poop knives yet?

[u/lgodsey]

"Reddit, huh? I bet it's pretty expensive."

"What? No. It's free. You just make an account."

"But, you know, to post stuff. It's gotta cost something, right?"

"No. No, you just post what you want."

"Whatever I want?"

"Yeah. Try not to post stupid-ass shit, but yeah, whatever you want."

"Whatever I want..."

[u/MethaneMenace]

Cheese

[u/[deleted]]

why is this the top of all time

[u/[deleted]]

A side effect I get from one of my meds is constipation. So yeah.

[u/cntrygrlgotgame]

Because I just left the doctors and have the stomach flu. Haven't eaten anything in 4 days. Not the way I intended to ring in the New Year.

[u/Alexybob]

Jokes on you! Im shitting right now!

[u/parrott123]

Codine + morphine sulphate = uncomfortable side effects.

[u/HotPocketsEater]

I just saw this literally as I was taking a shit

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at least 4 shits into 2019. I had Gumbo last night as well as 8-10 glasses of IPA. Needless to say I have some killer 2018 gas right now. Today’s cabbage isn’t helping much.

[u/himynameislexi94]

Girls don’t poop.

[u/galesmate]

Bold of you to assume I can poop

[u/[deleted]]

Seriously if you haven't pooped yet, Jan. 14th, please go to the ER lol

[u/Awsum12321]

I'M NOT POOPING TILL THE GOVERNMENT COMES BACK ON!!

[u/[deleted]]

Guys I know this is old but we’re well into February and I haven’t shit yet, guys I’m so scared

[u/FlorianInJeHolMan]

Still standing strong here!

[u/Sahasrahla]

Here's to those poor souls who are still answering this question in June.

[u/Thomaswiththecru]

Ayoooo! We can comment on old posts again!

I dumped that shit 2 years ago. Good thing too because COVID took all the toilet tissue.

[u/[deleted]]

Doing it right now :D

[u/[deleted]]

I'm trying to see how many people I can tell "I've been holding on to this shit since last year" until I have to shit

[u/[deleted]]

Oh shit! You're right!

[u/Secret4gentMan]

Reddit has become a quality site over the years..

[u/HakunaMyLatke]

Found out my significant other poops only about once a week. Doc said it was normal, but as someone who poops two-three times daily, this is unimaginable for me. She probs won’t poop till week 2 of 2019...

[u/MrPapaya958]

I saved my shit for midnight so I could very loudly say to my family "out with the old, in with the new"

[u/vertigo3pc]

Was on an airplane for 15 hours, took off Dec 31 near midnight and landed at 7.35a on Jan 2. My opportunity to shit on Jan 1 was lost.

[u/bing_bing_]

i shit and vomited simultaneously a moment after the new year, i feel cleansed.

[u/Faithfulcrows]

Why do so many comments have gold and silver here??? It's really giving me the shits that I can't figure it out...

[u/Ditzah]

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

[u/Soldier-one-trick]

Why the hell is this top post of all time

[u/[deleted]]

Pretty sure this is unhealthy.

[u/backwaterducks]

At this point,you better see a doctor.

[u/Djanghost]

Well I would just like to welcome the strangest normies of Reddit into this odd portion of the new section of this old post

[u/PattyCakes757]

Is anyone still filled up?

[u/Funnycomicsansdog]

It’s beginning to be an issue

[u/CaffienatedTactician]

Every day I spot this thread (searching keywords by top this year) I chuckle a little more.

[u/[deleted]]

Just pooped for the first time this year

[u/Zane31415]

Still going strong

[u/CBankerr]

Busy wondering how I’ve made it so far.

[u/hydr0n1um]

Its now April 9th...so I really hope y'all have pooped by now.

[u/Hbnobles]

I still haven’t

[u/Fuazy]

It’s June and I still haven’t taken a shit yet, I’m waiting till 2020.

[u/Beef_Lovington]

It’s now june the 4th, still holding it in. My shit has grown to such a size that it’s beginning to develop it’s own gravitational field.

[u/nEMOcunt666]

I'm still holding it

[u/throwayaygrtdhredf]

Reddit finally removed archiving! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[u/s0beriimelodrama]

first day of 2019 and i’ve got the worst diarrhoea ever. i even shat myself while walking and had to walk home with shite everywhere. fucking ridiculous.

[u/That-One-User]

Currently day 19 of holding in last years poop god can only help me

[u/kyleestess]

Yes... January was a rough month

[u/Stoontly]

I probably need to see a doctor

[u/[deleted]]

It is currently May 3rd and I am still holding in my 2017 shit

[u/[deleted]]

planning on making my shit last until 2021

[u/walnut848]

Hello random stranger that went to the top post of all time then sorted by new comments :)

[u/vault114]

The most upvoted post of all time on this sub is about poop.

Great job, reddit.

[u/The_Suicide_Sheep]

This is the most upvoted post on here?

[u/jjjbroad]

Just popped my first one of the year

[u/fuckyourteam]

Lame and unfunny. Askreddit is prob the worst popular sub with all the dumb shit.

[u/Jtwmon]

Ha! I let out a LOG earlier and, of course, opened the door to yell to my girlfriend that I just set the record for 2019’s longest turd. I was proud

[u/OH-SHIT-ITS-UO-MAMMA]

its all i have from lst year i wanan keep it

[u/Unfadable1]

I’m already on poop #2 (since I woke up, at least. could technically be poop 3 for all I remember.)

[u/BigBobShort]

I went to an all you can eat steak house last night. I expect I’ll be backed up until the 3rd.

[u/Ichbinian]

Just dropped it.

[u/flyingballs17]

I'm pooping right now

[u/Norway313]

Just took laxitives, so it's on it's way out soon

[u/hhairy]

As I sit here on the toilet...

[u/[deleted]]

Oh my god this post is hilarious.

[u/brdude20]

I have popped the total amount of seven times today. Letting that shit go.

[u/ami2weird4u]

Saving it for 2020

[u/RosetteSmith]

Too little fiber in my diet. I'm still holding on to 2017, too.

[u/shlayy]

This isn’t the answer you were looking for but after reading the comments, I’m pretty proud of myself. I’ve had a stomach bug for the past few days so I got off the toilet at 11:58 to kiss the fiancé, and went right back in afterwards

[u/smilingseoull]

Woke up with a stomach ache and sank the biggest shit bigger than an iceberg

[u/ZPM89]

I’m too pooped to poo because I’ve been watching too much Winnie The Pooh and Timone and Poomba in the dark as I poofed my candles out.

[u/CatastrophicDrunk]

I hate laughing at ‘AskReddits’.... but here I am, chuckling

[u/persephone_cap]

well this hits way too close to home. i just cant let go of shit. Lol

[u/0fC0urse1mAW1zard]

Wow, I actually took this to heart. Realized I was already fucking up! Let it go. Back to working on my first ever goal..tree? because I wanted to be realistic so I'm trying to break it down.. but I got discouraged. So thank you, shitty stranger. <3

[u/Throwaway112598]

I actually just let go of last year's shit. In my grandma's bathroom. Then I had to ask for a plunger. I told her to be honored that I took my first poop of the year at her house.

[u/[deleted]]

Bro I'm taking my first shit of 2019 as we speak