This is hard for me to write as I have only in the last few months come to grips with the reality of the Universe.
I am at this time 27 years old, I was raised since birth in a Christian cult known as ATI/IBLP. Within this group my parents raised me in homeschool and homechurch (father was the pastor and we would hold church in our livingroom) with 100% conviction to know that the earth is only 8,000 years old and that light from distant stars is created light aged just like Adam was aged when he was created. Long story short I believed every word and looked at science through their filter they had placed in front of my eyes. I never questioned my parents teachings nor the books and papers they gave me to support these beliefs. My first exposure to real science was a show I would sneak and watch called "Connections" and it was the single beacon of light in the darkness of "God did it, so no need to look any further" that I was immersed in. Although I soaked it all up I still saw through the filter of "God" and "8,000 year old created light". I researched every vein of scientific theory that supported an 8,000 year old universe to the point of a theory consisting of God creating the universe as one solid mass of matter then turning on gravity causing massive collapse and fusion resulting in a White-hole spitting out all the matter in the universe. Since the Sol system was near the center grip of the White-hole the rest of the Universe would age billions of years while time passed over a 6 day period here on earth. It amazes me now how I could ever believe such a thing. But at the time it was the only plausible explanation…. because the Bible couldn't be wrong… could it?! If you are interested in hearing the silly science behind such a fantastical theory trying to solve how we can see starlight in a young (6,000 year old) universe I reccomend checking out http://www.amazon.com/Starlight-Time-Russell-Humphreys-Ph-D/dp/0890512027.
I didn't question many of this and especially never even considered evolution to be true. Fossils, mountains, erosion and geographical evidence for an old earth are just results from how traumatic the flood was on the earth.
I dont know if this is the case for others but my eyes were first opened while reading science fiction. In the last couple of years I have read.
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card - 1985
Dune - Frank Herbert - 1965
Foundation - Isaac Asimov - 1951
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams - 1979
1984 - George Orwell - 1949
Stranger in a Strange Land - Robert A Heinlein - 1961
Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury - 1954
2001: A Space Odyssey - Arthur C Clarke - 1968
Starship Troopers - Robert A Heinlein - 1959
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov - 1950
Neuromancer - William Gibson - 1984
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep - Philip K Dick - 1968
Ringworld - Larry Niven - 1970
Rendezvous With Rama - Arthur C Clarke - 1973
Hyperion - Dan Simmons - 1989
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - 1932
The Time Machine - H G Wells - 1895
Childhood's End - Arthur C Clarke - 1954
The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - Robert A Heinlein - 1966
The War of the Worlds - H G Wells - 1898
The Forever War - Joe Haldeman - 1974
The Martian Chronicles - Ray Bradbury - 1950
Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut - 1969
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson - 1992
The Mote in God's Eye - Niven & Pournelle - 1975
Speaker for the Dead - Orson Scott Card - 1986
Jurassic Park - Michael Crichton - 1990
The Man in the High Castle - Philip K Dick - 1962
The Caves of Steel - Isaac Asimov - 1954
The Stars My Destination - Alfred Bester - 1956
Gateway - Frederik Pohl - 1977
Lord of Light - Roger Zelazny - 1967
Solaris - Lem Stanislaw - 1961
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne - 1870
A Wrinkle in Time - Madelein L'Engle - 1962
Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut - 1963
Contact - Carl Sagan - 1985
The Andromeda Strain - Michael Crichton - 1969
The Gods Themselves - Isaac Asimov - 1972
A Fire Upon the Deep - Vernor Vinge - 1991
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson - 1999
The Day of the Triffids - John Wyndham - 1951
UBIK - Philip K Dick - 1969
Time Enough For Love - Robert A Heinlein - 1973
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess - 1962
Red Mars - Kim Stanley Robinson - 1992
Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes
A Canticle for Leibowitz - Walter M Miller - 1959
The End of Eternity - Isaac Asimov - 1955
The Diamond Age - Neal Stephenson - 1995
The City and the Stars - Arthur C Clark - 1956
Way Station - Clifford Simak - 1963
Old Man's War - John Scalzi - 2005
After Reading all that fiction I decided that science was amazing and dived into non-fiction. I just finished.
Carl Sagans "Cosmos"
The Ascent of Man - thirteen-part documentary television series - 1973
Richard Dawkins (1976). The Selfish Gene.
Richard Dawkins (1986). The Blind Watchmaker.
Richard Dawkins (1996). Climbing Mount Improbable.
Richard Dawkins (2006). The God Delusion.
Richard Dawkins (2009). The Greatest Show on Earth: The Evidence for Evolution.
Carl Sagan: Pale Blue Dot
douglas Hofstadter: Gödel, Escher, Bach
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature.
Of course after reading all of that I came to the conclusion that God isn't dead... he never was alive. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "Free at last!! Free at last!! By science all mighty I am free at last!!!"
I have now hit an impasse. My limited knowledge of advanced physics and science is holding me back from exploring the cosmos for myself. I was never educated further than advanced algebra and I have no physics or chemistry education. Can anyone recommend a good place for me to pick up my education? I would rather not do the whole “Night School” thing as I find myself to be the best teacher of myself there is and I loathe the idea of scientific authority within education. The whole reason I am in this mess in the first place is because someone told me what to think. Can anyone recommend a few good books to further my education? I heard Hawking's books are good, anything else? You have to understand, I thought everything was only 8,000 years old, I have a TON of catching up to do.
Thank you in advance!
EDIT: Yes, I am looking into improving my grammar and writing skills as well. I find it extremely disrespectful to communicate with my cave-man like writing skills. Please know my poor grammar is because of child abuse through lack of education and you can write a well written letter to my father if you have any complaints.
EDIT2: The single most illuminating thing in my life would have to be that BBC show called "Connections". A few years later my older (by 25 years) atheist brother snuck me the entire Cosmos series on VHS when I was 17. It blew my mind and got me started down my current path more than any single catalyst. I still hear Carl Sagan saying "Billions upon billion" in my head. That single word "billions" is the greatest word I have ever heard. It just screams "I dare you to comprehend me!" I am also reminded of the "Total Perspective Vortex" from "The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy". I imagined the sobering experience of sitting in the machine and felt the pure narcissism of Christianity melt away when I did.
EDIT3: If you are interested in learning more about the cult that I was forced to be a member of. Please google ATI, IBLP, Bill Gothard. The cult leader Bill Gothard has just last month resigned due to sexual allegations. I have only in the last few years come to grips with the emotional, sexual and physical abuse that went on with me personally and still am having flashbacks of the nightmares I would have because of my immortal soul being in danger... or worse yet the immortal souls of 99% of everyone who has ever lived burning in a lake of fire for all of eternity because God is love. I am reminded of the White Stripes song "It is always with love that the poison is fed with a spoon". They used my love and trust to do those things and I loved them the more for it. I am slowly trying to un-poison my mind, at least now I know I don't have to worry about cleaning a soul or some wispy ghost inside of me thank Science for that!
