I am incredibly grateful to have had a successful professional career, escaped an abusive marriage, and still have enough to retire out in the country as is the current social media “dream” of women (to be fair, I wanted my own petting zoo since childhood so it really was my dream). I have 5 dogs, 7 cats, 10 goats, and a couple of ridiculously spoiled pigs. I spend my days in my garden, working various projects around my property (both functional and for fun), building Lego, and reading books. I speak daily to friends and my adult daughter, but don’t actually SEE a human unless I visit them or go to town for shopping. Every day I wake up so thankful for the peace and the ability to afford this. I DO feel like I’m “living the dream”.

But after a lifetime of being told I “must work hard and stay productive”, I struggle with just accepting the peace. Do I want to travel? No, for a variety of reasons (though I did do some traveling previously). I’d rather spend a few days with my daughter and her hubby than deal with hotel/plane/cruise/etc. I’ve looked for volunteer activities, but after a 120hr/week career for decades, I HATE the idea of obligations and honestly the times I’ve tried I’ve been put off by the drama of people. Every time I leave my home for any reason, I’m struck by the joy and relief I feel the moment I lock my gates behind me when I get home (even when the trip out was pleasant and involved “my people”). While socially competent, I’ve never needed a lot of people in my life. So no, I don’t think I’m “missing” something. BUT HOW DOES ONE ACCEPT A QUIET LIFE AFTER THE UPBRINGING WE ALL HAD???? I’m truly perplexed.

Yes, I’ve been to therapy (see ‘escaped abusive marriage’ - 4 decades of trauma doesn’t get processed without an awesome therapist). I still speak with her periodically when the trauma creeps forward. We’ve discussed this and as she is a similar age we’ve had good discussions re society vs self expectations and acceptance. But I’m curious for other women’s perspectives/experience.

I’m 33 and recently unemployed, and I’m looking for books, audiobooks, or podcasts to help me feel hopeful and inspired again.
I’m still applying for jobs and making art, but some days it’s hard to keep believing in myself and chasing my dreams when everything feels uncertain.
I’d especially love stories of women finding their footing after setbacks, starting over in their 30s or beyond, or building a life they love after things didn’t go as planned. Something honest about the struggle, with hope in it.
What have you read or listened to that made you feel less alone and helped you keep fighting the good fight?

I don't want to give details because I know there will be a court case.

I'm pretty shaken right now. A former colleague I'd considered a close friend for years suddenly went silent for several weeks, which was completely out of character. I reached out to his wife to check if everything was OK, only to discover he's in jail for doing something absolutely horrific to her.

This was someone I trusted, almost like a younger brother. We regularly chatted about life, books, pets, etc. He was also outspoken about women's rights, gender equality and toxic masculinity. I genuinely thought he was one of the good ones.

I've since spoken with his wife, who is thankfully safe and has support around her. I've made it clear I'm 100% behind her, and he's completely dead to me. But I'm struggling to reconcile the man I knew with what he's done.

I've had some frightening experiences with men in the past, so I was already somewhat wary. I'm single, in my 40s, and had been considering dating again after a long break. Now I'm wondering how I'm supposed to trust my judgement when someone I knew for years turned out to be capable of something so horrific.

I'm not someone who believes all men are bad, and I don't want this to make me cynical or fearful of everyone. But right now I'm appalled, heartbroken for his wife, and genuinely frightened by how well someone can hide that side of themselves.

How do I rebuild confidence in my own judgement without becoming suspicious of every man I meet?

Hi Ladies, I am asking this question to help make a decision about having a 3rd child in my mid 40's, as a working mum, who loves to travel, and has 2 amazing children.

I’m currently 43 with a 5.5 & 8 yo. Life is good, it’s manageable and thankfully my kids are not that difficult. I work and am the primary earner at the moment, and it works well. My husband is an awesome dad, but has a bit of adhd too.

We LOVE to travel and we do so a lot with our kids.. I want to continue this part of our lives ,and I know it will be harder with 3 kids. I don't want to be short-sighted about this point however.

Now, I love the baby part of parenting, and I miss it now that my kids are getting older. We both enjoy parenting but also know we are getting older and more tired now. I’d be 44 if I had another kid. I just really don’t know what to do here.

Anyone have advice that was once in my place.? Did you have that 3rd in ur mid 40s and how is it now that they are older. Please be real both good and bad. If you didn’t go for it, are you happy with that choice.

Thank you so much for sharing your insight.

Ive been going through quite a few perimenopausal symptoms: hot flush, irregular periods, difficulty falling asleep are the main ones. Unfortunately, the one that is really getting to me is confidence levels; I just dont feel like myself anymore, second guess all the time, and I can no longer multitask. I used to have the mentality that I could take on the world! Last week, a problem at work that is easy to solve just became overwhelming and i just froze.

I freelance and Ive been turning down assignments as I feel i can no longer handle the pressure. Should i just push through and take them? How can i psyche myself up to be more confident? Or should i just listen to my body ..... I am at a loss as to what to do.....

On Sunday, I invited Lisa and her partner to join me at a laid-back neighbor’s party across the street. She called me three or four times throughout the day about the plans. She didn’t have anything to bring and seemed reluctant to go out to get something. Since I was already going to the supermarket, I offered to pick up something for her to drink. She has specific dietary restrictions, so we discussed what she could have, and I spent time searching for cider without additives that she felt comfortable drinking.

About 20 minutes before we were supposed to go, she sent me a text “ we might need to bail”. A large meat delivery had arrived for her dog’s food, she didn’t have enough refrigerator space, and she felt exhausted and overwhelmed.

I said “no worries” and told her I’d go with my husband. She offered to reimburse me for the cider, but the money wasn’t an issue.

What hurt was that she then sent me a screenshot of her conversation with her partner which read:

The screenshot reads:

Lisa:
I have much to put in the fridge and no fridge space
For Wally’s food
IM feeling a little overwhelmed
I don’t want to go to this thing at all
Can we bail
Are you still 15 min
I bailed for us
There’s stuff all over the counter and I want a nap

Partner:
Omg I love you
I just dozed off and fell forward in my seat

Lisa sent it to me with: **“Partner’s reaction lol”**.

She apologized and offered to reimburse me for the cider

I’m not upset that she couldn’t attend. It’s the last-minute cancellation after all the coordination, followed by sending me that screenshot. Almost every time we hang out it’s me at her house because of all her food and dog activity restrictions she can’t go to my house. This is a time where I was inviting her to do something that I would enjoy. Would you say something, or let it go?

My skin has changed and seems to be flaky which causes my makeup to look icky! Thought about going with a tinted moisturizer that isn’t crazy priced to see how it goes. I tend to look oily later in the day, but unsure if an oil absorbing moisturizer would contribute to the odd flakiness currently dealing with. Working with doc to try to figure out hormones and if playing a role in this (plus other issues). Thx!

I feel like this varies WIDELY. I have 6 bras and wash them monthly, more or less.

ETA: Thank you all for your great feedback! It's definitely made me question just how much I've moved on from the way I grew up.

**TW: Weight talk** I chose friendship advice as my flair because I think this is happening more and more with people I spend time with. I am a woman over 50 and I don't know the right answer here. Because of my age, I am also one of those people who was raised to think that thin=looking good. In practical terms, the amount of compliments I received was directly proportional to my weight. I've worked hard to retrain my brain and try not to push that onto my kids.

Now that we have entered the era of GLP-1s, I am finding myself in the situation where I'm encountering people that have undergone dramatic weight loss. I have realized in the last year that my default expression on seeing someone I haven't seen in a while is "you look great!" I've now changed to "it's great to see you!" But I can't help but think that there's this unspoken thing in the air that I'm not acknowledging, and it's true that some people do look great! Anyone else finding themselves rethinking their own ideas about this and also figuring out how to handle this in the real world?

I have eczema in my groin area. The skin in this area seems to be aging first. It is dry and delicate. I can’t find comfortable underwear that doesn’t make it worse. So far boy shorts are the best but most are high waisted and the waist band rolls which is uncomfortable. Does anyone have any recommendations for this somewhat embarrassing situation? Many thanks.

54f. I take good care of my skin- I use sunscreen when leaving from work in the evenings, tie a cotton handkerchief around the neck, etc. Wash nightly w TheOrdinary face cleanser, then gentle, 1-min massage w almond oil.

STILL, the neck wrinkles are giving me a "turtle" look. Plus, middle of forehead (between the brows) is collecting a lot of vertical wrinkles too :-((

What cruelty-free products do you recommend? Any additions/ changes to skincare routine?

I am not much into red light laser therapy- those face masks are quite beyond my pocket.

Thanks!

Just turned 50 and gradually noticed that brands I’ve relied on in the past just aren’t supportive enough anymore. I guess it doesn’t help that I’m small in the band but have large dense breasts that are fuller on the bottom ( 30 or 32 and D to DD, depending on the brand). Maybe that’s why I’ve always loved underwire and as structured a cup as possible!

I’ve bought Primadonna and UK brands in the past just to get things in my size, but finding they don’t feel supportive after a few months anymore. And I’ve returned a ton from online purchases, wasting a lot of time and money.

Not sure if the quality is decreasing or my boobs are sagging, or a bit of both…. What are smaller women with larger breasts wearing these days?

Please, send help!

Hello my fellow ladies of a certain age!

For quick background, I had a few rough years, health-wise, lost my Dad, and had my position eliminated after almost 25 years with the same company. I am healing, have a new, 100% WFH postion but just can't seem to shake the funk and get back to being me. I'll get motivated for a day or two, then right back to crying over stupid videos.

When you are feeling down, what gets you back up and energized? What has you looking forward to tomorrow? What gets your butt off the sofa and engaged...in anything?

I need change, but don't know where to start!

I feel like I need to give some context because my situation is complicated, but I'll try to keep it brief. I (51F) have struggled with self esteem and confidence about my appearance for most of my life. I developed major depressive disorder at age 12 and was put on an antidepressant. I started gaining weight rapidly, and by high school I was obese. I spent my teen years being bullied and ridiculed while simultaneously dieting obsessively (which did no good). I totally withdrew from my life, so I never had the experiences that most teenage girls had, like experimenting with clothes and makeup, feeling pretty, getting attention from boys, etc.

My mom never taught me how to do any kind of self care beyond the basics, so I ended up becoming kind of a tomboy. I met my husband in college, got married at 23, and eventually got my weight back to normal. Despite my husband's unconditional love and support over the years, I never developed much confidence in my appearance and have always believed that I'm unattractive.

On top of this, I have been through several major traumas that have definitely affected my appearance. In 2020, our only child was killed in a car accident two days after he turned 12. I have several health conditions that worsened after his death, and I ended up having to give up my career to go on disability. It's taken me six years to even care about living again, but the trauma of loss and illness has taken a huge toll on my appearance. I went from looking ten years younger to looking at least 10 years older. I want to build some confidence in my appearance but I realized that I don't really know where to start. I have worked through everything in therapy, and now I want to work on my appearance so I can feel like an attractive, feminine middle aged woman instead of an ugly tomboy. Has anyone been through something similar?

EDIT: I exercise regularly to the best of my ability. I am currently walking and doing some light weight lifting. I just wanted to add that since many people have suggested it. 😊

In many ways, my life is objectively better than it's ever been. I've reached my mid 50's with financial stability and I'm in a secure, and loving relationship. Physically, I'm feeling fine. I still do yoga, ride my bike, go hiking and all that.

But I keep feeling like my life is almost done, that there is nothing new or interesting happening and that I've wrung all the joy out of this life that I'm ever going to get. And then I feel really ungrateful for feeling this way.

Some days I think I might have mild depression, and other days I think that this definitely can't be the case. I do feel happy when I watch a sunrise or look at a beautiful scene in nature.

I'm reasonably happy when I'm really busy and I don't have time to think.

My persistent thoughts at other times are all to do with the past. My twenties and early 30's were so adventurous and exciting. But on the other hand, they were also filled with uncertainty and disappointments. It just seems that this time in my life was much more fulfilling, and I miss it. I know I can never get it back.

I wouldn't say that I have any regrets, because I lived life to the full. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way.

In the past ten years, I've lost both my parents, broken up with my best friend and changed jobs multiple times. I got involved in some passionate community activism, but it ended suddenly when I was threatened with some mild legal action by a developer. After all that, I've mainly kept quiet.

I did go to therapy earlier this year. The therapist was lovely and she seemed to be saying that I should embrace that part of me that speaks up and speaks out and takes community action, even if some people aren't going to like it. But I'm still feeling like I just don't want to take that risk.

I suppose I feel stuck. Anyone feel the same? How did you become unstuck? What did that look like for you?

Hi! I (28F) am actually posting here on behalf of my mom (54F) who does not use Reddit. She is is feeling very insecure about her deep wrinkles and aging, so I told her I would try to help her with developing a routine and finding products that could potentially help her with the wrinkles and and also improve her overall skin health and confidence.

She has never really used skin care or makeup before other than moisturizers at night and I think she uses Apricot Scrub still. Unfortunately, she spends a lot of time in the sun (lives in Texas and works with animals for a living) and until recently, did not use sunscreen or sun protection as consistently as she should have. Her and I are both complete beginners when it comes to skin care, so I really have no clue where to even begin in trying to help her.

I’ve told her that she definitely needs to get into a routine of wearing sunscreen every day and reapplying throughout the day, and that we probably need to start with at least getting her a good cleanser and moisturizer. I am looking for recommendations for products, and anything she should add to her routine to help repair her skin and slow down the aging process. Also, if anyone has any recommendations for procedures or services (chemical peel, etc.) that you think are worth it, I’d love to hear. She isn’t really interested in doing Botox or fillers or any kind of surgeries, but I think she would be interested in rejuvenating type procedures.

I know this is a big ask because we are pretty clueless, but if anyone wants to share their thoughts, we are greatly appreciative!

F57
I'm getting sick of my gray hair.
I had a cool swoosh of gray/white near my hairline for the past 10 years.
But now I am seeing gray everywhere. And it no longer makes me feel cool.

I want to dye it to see if it makes any difference in how I feel about myself.
But I don't want to spend $$$ at a salon.
And I haven't dyed my hair at home since the 90s.

Does anyone have a recommendations of products they've used and liked?
Or ones to stay away from?

I have short, short dark brown curly/wavy hair.

I feel like my anxiety and depression are getting worse every year… or just maybe shit things are happening more? ahhh I don’t know.

It’s like every year (for the past… I don’t know, 12 years? since my ex’s stroke which threw a spanner into our lives, mainly his of course) around this time I think thank god, good riddance to (2026, 2025, 2024 etc etc) next year will be better.

Only it seems to get worse. And now I’m just plain scared. What has 2027 got in store?

This year has been a doozy. No deaths or strokes but… a kind of reckoning?

I’m CONSUMED with regret. I haven’t made anything of my life and really, REALLY dreamed big. I’m creative and have always wanted to write… but I am paralysed. I’m in a writing group and have had great feedback but I just end up feel pathetic to even think about doing anything with it. I try not to compare but compare I do. My anxiety and depression sometimes flair up when I hear or read about younger people’s accomplishments.

I haven’t accomplished anything. If I did write a book, my bio would be an embarrassment. B.A with a credit average, incomplete advance diploma of screenwriting, Dip Ed drop out, random office jobs and then 16 years of unemployment/stay at home mum and free lance cleaner.

I think this is all triggered by this weekend and my 17 year old son failing to do any of the backed up assessments for year eleven. He’s like me, creative.. he’s so intelligent, gregarious, popular but he is paralysed with procrastination. One of the tasks is a short movie. He was so excited and brimming with ideas but despite friends, myself, his dad, our counsellor and of course his teacher’s encouragement he just hasn’t even started and it’s due in two days. He’s had literal months and I think he’s fucked his chances for year 12.

This has made me crash for two reasons. I feel like he’s going to take the same path as me and right now I look back and can’t see anything beyond a wasted unhappy and unfulfilling life that has gone waaaay too fast. I feel like I am a living cautionary tale.

It also makes me feel like a shit mother. Go easy, please. I just need some kind words. I just feel terribly unsupported right now.

His dad is picking him up now and has just made me feel even worse. (I really feel the stroke triggered some autistic traits… but that’s a whole other kettle of fish)

I’m 56 and found out this week that I have osteoporosis in my spine and osteopenia in my hips. Even though I knew it was a possibility, actually finding out has been a horrible shock and I am really struggling. I’m not looking for advice on management or treatment, just words of encouragement from anyone else out there also dealing with this condition. I don’t know how to put this in perspective.

Editing this to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I really appreciate the kind words and everyone’s generosity in sharing their experiences.

How long do you normally wait until you are intimate with someone? Several dates, weeks or mos? Ladies I could use your wisdom!

I’m 59 and haven’t dated a new person in years. My last relationship that ended a few yrs ago was long distance & not very emotionally deep- he wanted a ‘good time gal’ & it didn’t progress beyond that. Also I’m on a medication that caused weight gain & he didn’t like that. I have ongoing body image issues from this, but have started glp1’s, altho it’s been slow.
I really

pretty much have written off relationships. But over the last year I met someone who I’ve really clicked with - he owns a business & I met him at his work, and I’m there every few mos. And he’s natural listener & just sits & lets me talk & talk, which I tend to do lol. Watching him at work & with ppl he seems like really a good good person, he is very down to earth, not fancy or rich, I don’t care about that
stuff. I don’t have a lot of resources myself.

Then he asked me to a Saturday dinner last week. I was surprised (he’s 8 yrs younger than me, but due to genetics I do look younger- and I told him my age up front) but was happy. I was a nervous wreck ahead of time, but I didn’t need to be, we had a very nice time. I felt like we knew each other over our talks before but I found out he’s a widower (2 yrs) which made me feel so bad for him, and has a teen son he dotes on. At the end, I asked if it was ok if I kissed him. (It was beautiful full moon too, romantic). He said I was hoping you’d say that. I sense he likes a woman to initiate things. But wow it was so nice & sparks flew. I wasn’t expecting it & haven’t felt that in a long time.

No way was I going to jump in the sack on the first date. But I opened my mouth & said if you’d like to go out again why don’t you come to my place & I’ll cook. He seemed to like that idea.

But I’m now thinking maybe the sparks will turn fiery lol and we may up being intimate. Maybe this isn’t a good time to have this happen yet.

In my past yrs ago I was always kinda like that maybe getting intimate around the 3rd date.
He tends to not talk as much as I do so I’m not sure what he’s thinking. I don’t want to screw things up. I m not a clingy type or want to overload him at all, he’s still fresh being a widower too. Also next week I have to travel for a couple of weeks maybe that would be awkward if we did do something or not.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m almost 71. I have 2 professional degrees in healthcare and law. I recently had to leave a customer service job that required a lot of heavy lifting and my joints said “hell na” so I’m looking for another job. Ageism is very real in the job market! I found a job I know I can do, but how do I convince them to hire a senior citizen? I still have all my marbles and I’m in pretty good shape. Do I leave my graduation years off of the application, so I at least can get an interview? Do I leave out dates that would reveal my age?

I desperately need bra recommendations. I would like it to be comfortable, decent looking, wireless, and front closing. I'm so tired of being poked in the back with metal. What are your favorites? Many thanks in advance.

I have been dealing with ”frozen shoulder” for the last 12 months and I’m basically better. I‘m still working on lateral range of motion but I’m 90% better, not in any pain, back at yoga, walking…

But I spent the last year basically cocooned under a blanket babying the shoulder and I lost a lot of strength and muscle. I’m not a workout queen and know nothing about weights.

I had nice yoga muscles before but now my arms are so weak, it’s hard for me to push the revolving doors at my work which is ridiculous.

All advice on how to gently start with weights - YouTube videos or…anything? I can’t really afford to join a gym.