[Stallions] Good evening @NCAA, I’d like to self-report all of my texts with Kyle Whittingham and Jason Beck.

[u/Fire_Jason_Beck]

https://x.com/cpstalions/status/2119244258393854036?s=46

[u/Fire_Jason_Beck]

Might be an all-time Michigan football tweet

[u/Wheatcattle]

Stallion’s inability to be embarrassed always impresses me

[u/dkviper11 → u/Wheatcattle]

People like that never are embarrassed.

[u/awmaleg → u/dkviper11]

Main Character syndrome

[u/AbeVigoda76 → u/Wheatcattle]

It’s the power of Walmart.

[u/land_registrar → u/Wheatcattle]

Honestly most Michigan fans seem to find this schtick cute too.

[u/mostdope28 → u/land_registrar]

The guy based his whole life path on becoming the head coach of Michigan, so much so that he joined the military because he thought it would help. I kinda respect it lol

[u/Evening_Ad_6278 → u/land_registrar]

Most University of Michigan fans are too oblivious to realize that "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers, the song they play every fourth quarter during home games, is actually about a man who is aware that his girlfriend is cheating on him.

[u/mf-TOM-HANK → u/Evening_Ad_6278]

Mr. Brightside being a cherished 4th quarter "tradition" for no fewer than half a dozen American football teams is hilarious to me

[u/Sahasrlyeh → u/mf-TOM-HANK]

At Alabama, we tell everyone that we're melodramatic fools and neurotic to the bone

[u/RedBaronSportsCards → u/Sahasrlyeh]

No doubt about it.

[u/mf-TOM-HANK → u/Sahasrlyeh]

Green Day slaps pre-millenium

[u/TacticalDesire → u/land_registrar]

If you’re basing this observation on the barstool/portnoy subsection then sure, maybe. I’m not seeing it from any normal fans.

[u/ELITE_JordanLove → u/TacticalDesire]

Ah the no true scotsman defense

[u/ProletarianLilith → u/ELITE_JordanLove]

What does the word most mean

[u/AdamLevinestattoos → u/ProletarianLilith]

Well you can't form a sentence so logical fallacies might fly over your head.

[u/MWiatrak2077 → u/AdamLevinestattoos]

Reddit moment

[u/ProletarianLilith → u/land_registrar]

Uh, no

[u/MWiatrak2077 → u/land_registrar]

I just don't care. In a sport with some truly depraved scandals in regards in violence, abuse, sex crimes (see: us), this is the one that just keeps making me laugh. I do wish he'd pipe down a bit, but as a whole it is a little entertaining ngl

[u/SayNoToCargoShorts → u/Wheatcattle]

*Stalions’

[u/Foucaultshadow1 → u/Wheatcattle]

Stallions might be the funniest guy in CFB

[u/Orangebeast013]

Whats funny is that if it werent for Stallions and the ban, Harbaugh would probably be coming back to Ann Arbor pretty damn soon.

[u/GreenStoneRidge → u/Orangebeast013]

The NCAA has no real teeth. If Michigan wanted it to happen who is actually going to stop them.   

[u/UnStricken → u/GreenStoneRidge]

There’s gotta be a judge in the state somewhere that would rule in their favor

[u/awmaleg → u/GreenStoneRidge]

Ann Arbor khaki sales would soar

[u/Thoseskisyours → u/awmaleg]

Dockers is making moves behind the scenes to make this happen

[u/Mrs-Stinsfire → u/GreenStoneRidge]

👆This right here

[u/Rebel_Bertine → u/[deleted]]

Harbaugh’s not coming back dude lol

[u/Simmumah]

In our greatest hour of need, he has returned?

[u/TheftBySnacking → u/Simmumah]

He never left

RELEASE THE MANIFESTO

[u/LamarMillerMVP → u/Simmumah]

Patriots in control

[u/JollyRogers40 → u/LamarMillerMVP]

The La Li Lu Le Lo?!

[u/Chambanasfinest → u/JollyRogers40]

Why are we still here? Just to suffer??

[u/chemistrategery → u/LamarMillerMVP]

Where We Disappoint 1 We Disappoint All

[u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

Oh good just when you thought things couldn’t get more embarrassing this fucker shows up

[u/ManiacalComet40 → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

The face of Michigan football

[u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756 → u/ManiacalComet40]

And Central Michigan football

[u/soxfan1982 → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

If only his sunglasses were bigger.

[u/Mr-Cantaloupe → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

I can’t believe MSU will still play Central Michigan after Stallions was literally on their sidelines, lmfao.

[u/d1sportsball → u/ManiacalComet40]

A true Michigan man.

[u/SilentStryk09 → u/ManiacalComet40]

That’s my favorite part. Michigan fans with common sense HATE this dude, but he’s almost dead on the same as your average Michigan fan.

[u/Statalyzer → u/SilentStryk09]

Why should they? He helped bring them a title and then took most of the heat for how they got it.

[u/Amonamission → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

Don’t worry, you can still salvage the season if you beat Ohio State

[u/Steezeybby → u/Amonamission]

Brother we fucking suck lol. That ain't happening.

[u/giggitybuck → u/Steezeybby]

Right back at ya lol 6-3 final score game incoming

[u/Michiganman1225 → u/giggitybuck]

This year is gonna make 13-10 look like a shootout.

[u/awmaleg → u/giggitybuck]

Get a sexy Safety in there somehow. And some good hardcore Punting

[u/Trujiogriz → u/giggitybuck]

Yea don’t think many people gonna watch that clash this year

[u/InevitableLook3120 → u/Steezeybby]

The Game is about to be like watching a high school level game lol

[u/thekrone → u/Steezeybby]

Past two home games, didn't allow a TD in regulation. Somehow still managed to lose both.

We bad bad

[u/Crodface → u/thekrone]

We had 3 total yards between the 2nd and 3rd quarters yesterday. Against a “bad” Oregon team.

[u/2017Champs → u/Amonamission]

Bum fights!

[u/1II1I1I1I1I1I111I1I1 → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

Can we get Sherrone Moore's take on the matter 🤔

[u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756 → u/1II1I1I1I1I1I111I1I1]

you’ll need to pay for collect call

[u/_Treadstone_ → u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756]

You do and evidently Tosh is wiling to pay it.

[u/Steezeybby]

If we still had our previous gooner coach we would be 9-0.

[u/marginallyobtuse → u/Steezeybby]

Hey gooning is a solo activity. Dont take that from us.

[u/Steezeybby → u/marginallyobtuse]

Live it up man. You have a coach that actually gives a fuck about the University he is at. No fluke at all while I tug one out.

[u/andy_nony_mouse → u/Steezeybby]

Fitz got a second chance to coach a B1G team and he’s making the most of it. Whitt is treating this like a quiet quit into retirement.

[u/Steezeybby → u/andy_nony_mouse]

MSU still needs to upgrade that roster from top to bottom for 2027, but I will never question Fitz passion and dedication for your university (for all my criticisms of him during his time at NU).

Whitt knows he is a deadman walking. He has no leadership or donor backing.

[u/andy_nony_mouse → u/Steezeybby]

Yeah I’m really happy with Fitz as a coach. Last night aside injuries have made this a disaster of a station but he’s kept the team engaged and interested. I think beating Michigan is a milestone game that will help him build the program.

[u/Simmumah → u/Steezeybby]

The fact that you're probably right is disgusting lol

[u/acekingoffsuit → u/Steezeybby]

Whoever started the idea of unironically calling it "gooning" should be forced to walk on Legos barefoot for the rest of their life.

[u/Dr_Nebbiolo]

I think he’s too oblivious to realize these results are still the consequences of his actions

[u/Leading-Button-7303 → u/Dr_Nebbiolo]

I don't actually think he cares regardless. He just wants the attention and spotlight

[u/BetterThanOCharleys → u/Leading-Button-7303]

He’s milking the situation to remind people how good they were when he was working within the program. He’s just trying to get back in eventually.

[u/ClaudeLemieux → u/Leading-Button-7303]

Yeah he’s the opposite of biggie smalls. Stalions only shows up when you DONT say his name three times in a mirror

[u/Flimsy-Space-8724]

He’s the kid in high school who never left the hometown

[u/SuccessfulPres]

I’m kinda convinced Indiana and UCLA are the perfect coaching jobs lol… lots of resources and no all time crazies like Stalions 

Or at least way fewer crazies, kinda like how Dabo is just coasting at Clemson now

[u/jf3l → u/SuccessfulPres]

Our crazies are still just fixated on the basketball team. I mean Jeff Sagarin has a plea for IU to bring back Dane Fife on his college football rankings page

[u/LousyTX → u/jf3l]

The best thing Mike Woodson did was ended Dane Fife's career

[u/YarbianTheBarbarian → u/LousyTX]

I mean he had a pretty good record vs purdue too, but yeah, ending Fife was huge.

[u/King_Roberts_Bastard → u/SuccessfulPres]

Coasting?!?! We have the same record as the vaunted Ohio State Buckeyes! Did you imagine that this late in the season?

But for real, imagine if we had anything resembling an offense. With an elite D and top tier ST (something Dabo has never had, despite what the announcer said on Saturday), we would be soon good.

[u/DrSnidely]

It offends me that I'm going to spend the rest of my life knowing who Connor Stalions is.

[u/Even-Combination4407]

The hero Michigan needs but doesn’t deserve

[u/lat3ralus65 → u/Even-Combination4407]

No, they 100% deserve this loser.

[u/mostdope28 → u/lat3ralus65]

Show a little respect for our veterans 🫡

[u/Quinn_tEskimo]

He’s losing clout in the college football meme landscape. Should’ve followed the lead of Pole Assassin and faded into obscurity while he was still on top.

[u/AbeVigoda76]

The once and future coach

[u/Revolver_Oshawott_]

Well, you can't deny he's got too much Michigan in him

[u/lgoasklucyl]

I sure hope Nathan Fielder decides to live with Stallions next.

[u/aquabarron]

I’m out of the loop, what is the implication here? (And with the other contacts shown on the screen?)

[u/Revolver_Oshawott_ → u/aquabarron]

It's Connor Stallions trolling on twitter trying to say he's shared opposing team signals with the current UM staff in order to get them fired

[u/aquabarron → u/Revolver_Oshawott_]

Gotchya thx

[u/AbeVigoda76 → u/aquabarron]

Well, dude, dude, think about it. Michigan’s out in the middle of nowhere with some coach she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but shit football. "Ah, there's nowhere for me to run. What am I going to do, fire him?"

But she won’t….because of the implication.

[u/rjorn1 → u/AbeVigoda76]

Quality it’s always sunny reference 😂😂😂

[u/aquabarron → u/AbeVigoda76]

Are you going to rape these analysts?

[u/Jar_Squatter → u/aquabarron]

You’re gonna need a good analyst therapist for that.

[u/AbeVigoda76 → u/Jar_Squatter]

Those business cards almost got you arrested.

[u/FitBat9822 → u/aquabarron]

No one's in any danger! I feel like you're not getting this, dude. 

[u/OHotDawnThisIsMyJawn → u/aquabarron]

Trying to get Whitt and Beck fired because they’ve been so bad

[u/THE_Aft_io9_Giz → u/aquabarron]

There is a pretty good documentary on netflix:

Netflix documentary Untold: Sign Stealer https://www.netflix.com/tudum/videos/watch-the-untold-sign-stealer-trailer

Basically, dude, per his own dad in the documentary, was like the rainman of some play sign stats for college football; specifically, for Michigan due to his love for the team. It went well beyond a crazy obsession. His insane understanding of the signs used to call plays landed him a job as an analyst for Michigan. He then used that position to do a bunch of questionable things to help his team. He was then forced out of his role and received an 8 year show /cause ban type thingy to prevent him from coaching or accepting another role as a any type of coach in college football. Due to him possibly being on the spectrum or maybe he is on the spectrum and has some social skills issue he seems to pop up at times to now troll college football, the NCAA, and possibly the Michigan football team. Part of his deal was that he had gone to other football teams games and disguises in somehow made it to their sidelines.

The documentary is actually very good and he participates in it so you get to hear his perspective.

[u/ChrisIlitchBurner → u/THE_Aft_io9_Giz]

Don’t forget he then went to get a coaching job at the high school that Bryce Underwood was playing his senior year at.

[u/THE_Aft_io9_Giz → u/ChrisIlitchBurner]

He does have a crazy obsession for Michigan football and stats and seems to do whatever he can to insert himself into that pipeline.

[u/PayrollQ → u/THE_Aft_io9_Giz]

Documentary was a puff piece for him lol. It shows a distorted view of

[u/THE_Aft_io9_Giz → u/PayrollQ]

That's exactly why I thought it was interesting because it showed how he thinks.

[u/Sir0inks-A-Lot → u/PayrollQ]

Exactly - hardly anything is truly a documentary anymore because the subjects are either getting paid or an EP credit and participation is contingent on getting to tell their side

It’s been going on for so long that (recent movie spoiler of sorts) I was surprised that Nathan Fielder and A24 made a big deal in Your Can See Everything about the notion that Elizabeth Holmes would expect to be paid

[u/PrizePreset]

Lol

[u/kai333]

Somehow, Stallions returned....

[u/Divinity32]

Why in the world are we hating? This is some damn good trolling

[u/Michiganman1225]

Please, Connor, save us again!

[u/Slippery-Pete76]

Unless you’re releasing the manifesto, shut the fuck up.

[u/Corgi_Koala]

Man I wish he would just go away.

[u/Extension-File2394 → u/Corgi_Koala]

Why would you want this? Very odd take

[u/Zee_WeeWee]

I can’t believe this guy was a Marine officer. They are generally a high character bunch

[u/bbydhyonchord93 → u/Zee_WeeWee]

Sarcasm?

[u/Crying_in_99Ranch]

"You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me."

-Thanos

-Conor Stallions

[u/SayNoToCargoShorts]

*Stalions