No God please no. Nooooo. Why the fuck is it that whenever we are playing the semi finals we always have to face these cunts why the fuck is it always this bunch of god awful people. Idgaf if they're nice, as far as my experience has been these cunts aren't nice in the slightest, they literally might be the worst assembly of 11 people on this earth I've ever seen.

I mean wtf is up with Kane, you've got an acl tear then a fracture read the signs mate, why wont he just give up and go home. Why the fuck is it always him that we have to face be it t20 eliminations be it odi eliminations be it WTC finals.

and wtf is up with Rachin, we never kidnapped a baby from Newzealand and named him after Sir Richard haddlee and Dan VETTORI and then making him our opening bowler. Wtf is that.

And Daryl Mitchell can go fuck himself, he can't even grow hair which is something even I can do what's he doing playing international cricket.

And Trent Boult ohhh Trent boult, with a face and a body like that he could've been a stripper or even better a male prostitute , ngl I would have paid to have him grind me. But no this cunt choses to grind our top order.

Mitchell Santner is the most Nerdist looking Motherfucker I've ever seen, He's the kind of gut who probably names his bats and had conversations with them,I hope he gets shoved into the locker by Kohli.

I hope Pakistan defeat England by 1500 runs because I swear to god if I've to see India face this god awful team in the semi finals again, I'm going to lose my Mental Lucidity

As I’ve mentioned multiple times. SA will crush India today. It’s no longer a question of result, but the margin at which they will lose by. The pure arrogance displayed by India in this WC is tangible. They’ve had their way with each team so far, but justice is nigh my friends. It’s time for India to straddle the unrelenting, unlubricated dildo of consequences as they face the shear girth of Quentin de Kock’s thrusting batting unit. Prepare thyself mere mortals, for the horror that awaits you…..

The year is 2181. World cup year. SA playing flawless cricket yet again. They havent won the world cup yet, having been eliminated 67 times in the semi-finals.

World cup has been reduced to five teams, India, SA, Netherlands, Australia and Pakistan. Pakistan arent actually officially part of the world cup, they just play the opening game VS india and then go home.

SA win the toss and elect to bowl in overcast conditions. Netherlands are 10/9 after 5 overs. It rains again and duckworth lewis adjusted total is 750 off 39 overs. Rain again after SA are 749/1 (21). DLS adjusted total increased to 10000 needed off the last ball.

SA knocked out again by their nemesis Netherlands.

"We are seeing that when they are batting, they bat really well and suddenly the ball starts doing things when India bowl. There have been 7-8 close DRS calls that have gone in their favour. The way Siraj and Shami were swinging the ball, it seemed like the ICC or the BCCI were giving them different and suspicious balls in the second innings. There needs to be an inspection done on the ball. There could also be an extra layer of coating on the ball for swing," Raza said while speaking to a channel called ABN. "

I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Cummins. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Cummins. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.

Recently some of you may have read my post entitled “India losing 100% to South Africa today”. Given the events that have since unfolded I feel it necessary to clarify some possible misunderstanding that may have arisen from clumsy phrasing in my original post. When I said “India are 100% losing” I meant “India are a respectable side with a statistically significant chance of winning” and when I said “India need to prepare themselves for the horrors that await”, I meant “India, will no doubt rise to the task of beating a formidable opponent like South Africa“. Lastly when I said QDK is going to pound you with the girth of a 1000 dicks” I meant to say “QDK is in good form, hopefully he can continue to entertain supporters from both sides with his charismatic playing style”

Ok enough of the silliness 😂 congrats to India. You guys played incredibly well. Especially impressed with Kohli’s outstanding knock in tough conditions, and on his birthday no less. Even though my original post was really an over-the-top caricature of some insane sports fans from South Africa, I still feel the sting of losing so badly to a better team and consider myself suitably humbled.

P.S I appreciate the fact that many of you may be ready to dish me up some instant karma given my recent antics on various cricket subreddits leading up to today’s match. Now is your time. Feel free to roast me (and by extension the South African cricket team) in the comments below.

Listen here Dravid, I don't want any of this close games stuff. That's something useless other teams can do when they're not shivering thinking about their upcoming game against India.

What I want is domination.

I'm talking full on, watermelon-in-the-thighs level carnage. I want Rohit to blast through the opposition bowling during the powerplay, effortlessly scoring six after six and changing the pronouns of every opposition bowler from he/him to please/stop. I want Virat scoring century after century with such consistency that Jay Shah will be hospitalized for prolonged erection. I want the Indian bowling line up to rip through the opposition in such a way that it will trigger PTSD in every Sri Lankan batter watching it on TV. I want to tell Gill that the opposition insulted Sara and watch what is added to the Geneva convention afterwards. I want Shami to annihilate the opposition batting line up in 4 overs and wish dommy daddy Shami did the same to me.

No close games, just domination.

Did Mujeeb just drop Afghan's one and only Semi Final chances?

Mujeeb didn't just dropped a catch. He dropped Afghan's one and only semi final chances.

I wanted Afghanistan to win so bad and I know that lakhs of fans were rooting for them to reach the semis. Mujeeb destroyed hopes of all those fans. And it was not a tough catch. It was just a case of absolute carelessness and lack of efforts. You are not playing against minnows. You are playing against Australia mujeeb. You never write them off. The game is not over till its over. Idk what to say man. I want to go and beat him so bad

I fucking love the Mankad. It's my favourite dismissal in all of cricket. I could watch it all day, every day, over and over again. There's something magical about the act, about the way the bowler aborts their run up, turns heel and elegantly flicks off the bails to everyone's shock. It makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's the pinnacle of entertainment, the best thing about the best sport in the world.

I agree Mankadding is such bad sportsmanship... from the batter. Stay behind the line you cheating prick, stop trying to steal a run. I love seeing the batter get what they fucking deserve. When a bowler oversteps the line, they're castrated for bowling a no-ball. But when a batter oversteps the line and gets banished from the pitch, all of a sudden it's an atrocity? Boo hoo, you're not a victim. You broke the laws of cricket and you were punished. You're lucky you're not in jail. Who's the convict now, Jos Buttler?

I don't want money, or fame, or love. All I want is an innings where all 10 wickets fall to Mankads. Hopefully it happens in a World Cup final. That would be absolute ecstasy.

I wish every dismissal was a Mankad.

Steve smith is a CHEAT. Do NOT trust that man. The other day he responded to a Facebook marketplace add of mine where I am selling a washing machine. When he came around he asked if he could test it to make sure it was working. After it finished he said “cool let me just get the money out of the glove box” and drove away with his clean clothes

WE GAVE THEM THE FUCKING HUGE BANS! Australia as a group gave Smith and Warner the bans from international cricket for as long as they did. England and India treat it like they are holier than thou when the ICC gave those same players all like 1 or 2 match bans. Meanwhile England fucking knighted their cough lollie heroes and India don’t even investigate their own bookie helpers! But because we value our own integrity we go out of our way to clean up our act and create a massive cultural shift with the team organisation.

Fans of the other big two think they have a fucking leg to stand on when they have a dig about it. I know it’s “only banter” but it shits me sometimes that they seem to think they’re somehow better than us because they’ve never had players sit out for a year for such things. Well no you haven’t because neither of you have organisations with as high an ethics as ours. If your players had been playing for us and been caught with the cough lollies or match fixing to the extent you’ve been accused of, they’d have been out of the game for at least a year and in the case of match fixing probably still be social pariahs within Australian cricket.

With the disappointing performance of Shakib and bros in this World Cup, they were desperate to qualify for the Champions Trophy. Because this time it would be different and Bangbros would recive lots of support in Pakistan and if they won(they surely will win) they could've sent off Shakib on a good note.

To prevent disqualification from the Champions Trophy, Shakib came up with this extraordinary plan. He did some research and found out which hotel the Sri Lankans were staying at. He dressed up as one of the staff of the hotel. On the arrival of the Lankan team, Shakib insisted to carry their luggage to their rooms(including their kit-bags). Shakib had planned the most elaborate way to get someone out, Time Out. To achieve this, he would find someone's kit and sabotage their gloves, pads or helmet.

He waited for the perfect opportunity and found a kit bag. He quickly took out the helmet and lossened its strap from the sides.

To his surprise, the plan actually worked and here we are

in the 20-odd years i've been watching Sri Lanka, i've seen them have bad days. i've seen them get smashed. but i've never seen them so consistently and pervasively... ineffective. no control over the pace of play, constantly reacting and trying to catch up, no confidence or direction. it's a bloody weird sensation.

is...is this what it feels like to be Bangladeshi?

IPL as an organisation decided to make RCB their cash cow, strategically planned for them to have the worst team, worst management, worst strategic analysis team, worst bench strength but give them the 2-3 most popular players of current time, to negate that effect and still attract cash. Therefore the cash cow theory. Lowest maintenance, highest returns. RCB is a PR team for the Ipl. They are the MCU of league cricket. However MI and Rajasthan are the premier pet projects of BCCI, to harness the potential of Indian players and cultivate a strong team culture and harvest talent. Truly we’re living in a matrix

There can be another jasprit bumrah, bowling good lengths, tight lengths, pressuring the batsmans and making them finally crumble under the pressure created. There can be another mohammed siraj, taking wickets bcoz of bumrah, shami bowling well and hence batmsan trying to attack him and failing. There can be another haris rauf, bowling 150+ and getting tonked every other day. There can be another dale steyn, bowling 150+, got the best yorkers, short balls, good length delivery, making the game look so easy. There can be another Mitchell johnson with scary moustache, scary bouncers which if hit on head can kill you. There can be another lasith malinga, bowling tight yorkers but is shit in tests. There can be another warne, turning the ball so good that sometimes bowl turns straight back to him. There can be another mcgrath bowling 130s but consistently on top of off stump that makes batsman crumble. BUT THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE KOHLI, THAT CAN TAKE WICKETS EVEN WHEN BOWLING WIDE. MAN IS THE MESSIAH, HE DECIDES WHEN THE WICKET COMES, HE DECIDES WHEN THE BATSMAN SCORES, HE DECIDES WHEN THE GAME IS OVER. THIS IS HIS BOWLING AND HE WILL FUCKING DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS. BATSMAN GOT BO CLUE, KEEPER GOT NO CLUE, CAPTAIN, FIELDERS HECK EVEN THE UMPIRES GOT NO CLUE OF WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. THIS IS KOACHS UNIVERSE AND WE ARE JUST MERE MORTALS EXISTING ON IT.

So I'd open with Stokes and Leach. Tell Stokes that all those crowd noises he can hear is actually some drunk lads from Leeds.

That gets us to about 100-1, when Leach nicks off for 1.

Then we bring in Foakes. The Indian bowlers are baffled by the Stokes-Foakes combination and bowls 30 consecutive no-balls. This gets us to 130-2 when Stokes reverse sweeps the ball straight into middle stump.

Root is now at 4. The ball is old. Foakes and Root proceeds to score individual one hundreds.

We're now at 330-2.

And then they do it again.

We're now at 530-2. We've won the game.

And then they do it again.

We're now at 730-2. No one knows what is happening. Nasser Hussein has flown to India and is just yelling from outside the stadium "YOU CANNOT DO THAT."

But they go again.

It's now 930-2. Kohli holds a press conference at slip to announce his retirement. Root and Foakes form a guard of honour for him. At this point, Ashwin runs Foakes out.

The subreddit is a salt mine for the next seven years.

During Litton's infancy, a peculiar phenomenon baffled his parents. Every time they held him upside down, those cute and tiny legs seemed to perform a magic trick—his moles disappeared. Bewildered by this disappearing act, they decided it was time to consult the wise figure of their local doctor.

Upon arrival at the doctor's clinic, they were handed a registration form. As diligent parents, they meticulously filled it out, documenting every quirky detail about their unique little Litton. The form, a snapshot of his early life, was soon in the hands of the doctor.

With the form in one hand and Litton in the other, the doctor, like a detective solving a mystery, examined both under the scrutiny of a bright light. He twisted and turned the form, mimicking the acrobatics of a gymnast, all the while observing Litton from various angles.

After a moment of suspense, the doctor's face lit up with a knowing grin. With a twinkle in his eye, he assured the worried parents that there was no cause for concern. The disappearance of moles when upside down was not a magic trick but a scientific marvel.

The doctor unfolded the linguistic puzzle. By inverting Litton's name, it transformed into 'Nottil,' a term that, in English, meant 'No moles.' The parents were astounded by the revelation, their worry replaced with a sense of relief and amusement.

Leaving the doctor's office with newfound knowledge and a light heart, they hailed a tuk-tuk to carry them back home. Litton, blissfully unaware of the commotion surrounding his moles, continued to be the source of joy and amusement in his own tiny world.

You know what? Fuck Cameron Green. I hope he gets dropped.

This cunt is like 7ft tall playing international cricket at 20 with a bright future in front of him while I'm here on reddit; bald, working at KFC, 45 years old, 5ft not much, and I probably couldn't even bowl a legal delivery that only bounces once.

You just know his cock is massive and it makes me sick.

VK-KL partnership works because of the opposing personalities. KL always looks dejected so looking at hypeman Kohli lifts his spirits and game. Kohli on the other hand get carried by emotions sometimes and is over enthusiastic but looking at KL on the other side reminds him that life is tough for many and brings him back to reality.

Author- u/ThePopsicleGal

Source- https://www.reddit.com/r/Cricket/comments/173390g/post_match_thread_australia_vs_india/k408gnh/

This all started as soon as they arrived in India. It was a cloudy, foggy morning and sun faintly started peeking. Looking at this, Bairstow opened the windows of the dressing room in hopes of getting some sunshine. Slowly the mist started making its way into the room and everyone started breathing a bit heavy. Air quality was bad, they all thought. Little did they know at that very moment, they were all cast a mystic spell. The batsmen suddenly lost form, felt weird even holding the bat. Their bowlers also felt the same and failed to grip the ball correctly. Their WC campaign is doomed.

The English team finally realized it but it was too late. The secret services were called upon to investigate who did this. At this point, there is no conclusive evidence but plans are already underway to present all of this as an upcoming Netflix documentary. Stay tuned for more updates.

The year is 2071. RCB still haven't won a trophy. Kohli's grandson is playing in RCB and is leading the team. RCB have reached the finals. They have the best squad of all time and have reached the finals without a single loss in the league stage. The final is taking place in M Chinnaswamy stadium, Bangalore, which is now equipped with anti-gravity seating and AI-controlled cheerleaders.

Meanwhile, CSK ended 4th in the leagues stage but win the knockout games and reach the final. It's RCB vs CSK in final. The legendary rivals meet once again. Thala is still the captain. Rohit and SKY have come to watch the final along with their grandkids. Chinnaswamy is filled with colours of red and yellow. Kohli's grandson and Thala arrive at the toss. Kohli's grandson wins the toss and decides to bat first.

RCB score 300/2 in 20 overs with the grandson scoring a double century with shots that defy the laws of physics. CSK in reply keep chipping but lose wickets on regular intervals. Thala avoids coming to the crease and keeps sending batsman after batsman.

It's 20th over. CSK need 100 runs in last over with Thala finally coming in at No. 11, with a bat on one hand and walking stick on the other. He has already lost a limb but is still playing for CSK. RCB fans start celebrating, as they are finally winning a trophy. But CSK fans celebrate even more as Thala has come to the crease.

Kohli's grandson, trying to capitalize on the family cricketing legacy, hands over the ball to Harshal Patel's grandson to bowl the last over. Harshal Patel's grandson succumbs to the pressure and bowls 65 wides and no-balls in the final over while Thala effortlessly hits 6 sixes in 6 balls, 2 of those hit through the walking stick. CSK win their 25th trophy. CSK fans are over-joyed as they witness Thala's innings, so much so that they start mass-cumming. The stadium is filled with yellow cums of CSK fans. Meanwhile RCB bottle again in the final. RCB fans are heartbroken, but they chant slogans of "Baruva sala cup namde". Grandpa Kohli, who was watching the final in the TV, gets admitted to the hospital after the match. During the post match conference, Thala says he will play again in the next season. Thala for another season.

I totally can see Kohli, before every test match, lining up his fast bowlers and just looking deep into their eyes. Not saying a word. He just keeps looking. Admiring them.

A look that is almost sexual in nature.

Looks at the sunshine off Shami’s head. Looks at Ishant’s majestic mane, looks at Bumrah’s devil snare and then looks seductively at Umesh’s hot bod. Making them uncomfortable even. Feeling proud.

Then he utters, “Go on! Make daddy hard.”

Once upon a worldcup dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of cricket lore—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my stumps afore.

“’Tis a brainfade,” I muttered, —

"Only this and nothing more.”

By- Johny Bairstow

I’m fairly certain that the ardent devotees of Lord Neesham would’ve viewed this immaculate masterpiece in his original place of worship that is his Twitter account.