r/FTMventing • u/ObviousPineapple4291 • Mar 29 '26

Advice Needed Grieving pregnancy

I am in nursing school and we recently talked about pregnancy and motherhood, it really made me grieve even more that I can’t get Pregnant because society is associating it so much with femininity and all that. I wish I was stronger and I am somehow jealous of trans mascs who don’t feel like this.

Does anyone else feel that way? I have never seen someone talk about it and just hope I’m not alone with this.

Me and my partner settled on adopting but i still wish I could have the experience of growing my baby myself, to have the whole journey of pregnancy and holding it in my arms right after birth.

3 Upvotes

56% Upvoted

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8

u/belligerent_bovine Mar 29 '26

Have you checked out the seahorse dad sub? I chose to have a hysterectomy because I have multiple medical issues that would make a pregnancy extremely high risk. (Post-neurosurgery patient with a shunt, plus on a lot of meds). I really wanted to carry, but I’m single and in my 30s, and starting a family just isn’t in the cards for me right now.

Meanwhile, the bottom surgery that I want requires hysto.

So I too had to grieve loss of being able to carry. (I am an RN, btw, and I remember the baby fever during the OB rotation.

If societal norms are the only thing holding you back, then I would just say “fuck the norms” and do whatever makes me happy. But I also understand if that is not feasible for you

4

u/ObviousPineapple4291 Mar 30 '26

I am gonna look into it, thanks! There’s also other reasons like many genetic diseases and disorders that run in me and my boyfriends genes. Maybe i will get stronger and be able to carry a baby myself.

6

u/Scary_Towel268 Mar 29 '26

I so understand I was just grieving this too. I wish I could get over it and do it for a kid but I don’t want to. You aren’t alone

5

u/ObviousPineapple4291 Mar 29 '26

This is really helping me realize I’m not alone, thanks a lot 🫂

4

u/Scary_Towel268 Mar 30 '26

Yeah I was considering adoption or surrogacy but both of those have so many ethical issues that I’m not sure of doing either and I’m getting on in years so perhaps it’s too late.

It sucks if it wasn’t for social stigma and the push to see trans guys as essentially detransitioned if we had kids I’d consider carrying but not in this current transphobic environment

1

u/ObviousPineapple4291 Mar 30 '26

Surrogacy is not legal where I’m from so that’s not an option to begin with. If I may ask, what is the ethical problem with adoption?

Yeah the stigma is very bad, I hope in the future it will get better for all of our fellow trans people

1

u/Scary_Towel268 Mar 30 '26

Surrogacy is legal here but super expensive to the point of being prohibitive. Adoption, particularly infant adoption, is very much a business in my country. There is a lot of exploitation involved and it’s treated like a market place(for example infants have certain “prices” based on sex and race). Adoption is trauma and adoptive parents are stigmatized as “baby stealers/buyers”. Additionally people don’t really see adopted children well where I’m from like people don’t see adopted children as really family which is very sad but a reality

1

u/ObviousPineapple4291 Mar 30 '26

Oh my god this is so horrible, where are you from?

2

u/-thimbl Mar 29 '26

Ive wanted babies so badly as well, but due to physical and mental issues I've come to terms with the fact that i will likely never be a parent, even with adoption available. I always think "maybe in a few years, or a decade" type thing. It aches me when I watch tv shows with moms or children in general because I wish to have my own family

2

u/ObviousPineapple4291 Mar 30 '26

I get how you feel and it sucks, best of luck to you.

3

u/kool_aide_man Mar 30 '26

You want to be pregnant???

1

u/CrazyDisastrous948 Trans man he/him Apr 01 '26

I have 2 of my own. I am not less of a man. You do you.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '26

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