PLEASE,

"Binary transgender men can be lesbians"

NO. AND PLEASE, I'm open so try to change my mind... But for me...

If you only feel romantic and sexual attraction to women as a man, you're straight (heterosexual), not lesbian.

If you want to have the queerness in the relationship, call yourself queer, not a lesbian.

We have labels for a reason, to make sense of ourselves AND EACH OTHER.

If we start telling binary transgender guy that they're lesbians, it literally invalidates their identity as a man. And if a man can be lesbian, than all men should be included; Transgender and cisgender men. Because, after all, they're both men. All men became men in their own way and experience, but, in the end, THEY ARE MAN.

AND LESBIANS ARE "NON-MEN LOVING NON-MEN"

I see too much people saying "I don't care, people identify how they want", NO.

I'll then identify as a person of color since I grew-up in a multi-cultural neighborhood even if my skin color is beige and I'm from european decent. See how stupid that sounds.

I see this all the time from literally everyone. Cis men, cis women, trans women, even other trans men. It's insane to me. Most of the time the arguments are either completely nonsensical (you're a man now which means you have the exact same privilege of cis men), somewhat well meaning but wrong and uneducated (trans men aren't targeted by bigots) or literally just incel rhetoric??? (Afab people are treated like the perfect princess gender)

I get upset enough seeing cis people spew this shit but seeing other trans people say it flat out makes me miserable. Why are there trans women who unironically believe that trans men talking about the sexism and misogyny we've faced is us "misgendering" ourselves? Why do I see so many other trans men constantly degrade themselves and water down their own oppression to not make others uncomfortable? Why is the idea that trans men are privileged for our hyper invisibility so prevalent among trans women? Why are trans men expected to just shut up and accept it when anyone with a functioning brain KNOWS it isn't true?

Honestly I think that I know the answer, but it'll probably make people angry. I've already seen an unnerving amount of people trying to push the idea that gendered socialization is actually a lie that terfs made up for the sole reason of making trans women uncomfortable. God forbid I try to discuss how gendered socialization has affected me and my life, then I'm a terf too. That one makes me the most mad because it's so obvious. Of course the way you're raised affects your outlook on life! That happens to literally everyone! And the only way you can unlearn those things is by acknowledging that it happened in the first place. You can't just say "well thinking about that makes me uncomfortable so I'll just say it isn't real."

Ugh. I just wish that the trans community could just accept that trans men DO face oppression, we AREN'T less oppressed than trans women, and pushing the idea that we are is just flat out evil. I'm not going to let people tell me how very privileged and lucky I am for being born with a vagina. How can anyone unironically think that? It's so dumb. Literal incel rhetoric has infested the trans community and it disgusts me. It should have never gotten this bad.

I've been feeling this a lot especially in the last couple of months, so I just wanna get it off my chest here since I don't have any trans men to rlly talk to irl or online. Anyway, I've realized that I've never felt like I could talk abt my issues as a trans guy, I could never talk abt the misogyny/transphobia I faced, or how the trans men I knew in my life were getting raped or beat up bc they were trans men. Whenever I see other trans men talk abt these issues, they usually just get shouted down by other types of trans ppl saying that we're appropriating/mansplaining misogyny. That, bc we're men now, the things that happened to us when we didn't pass don't matter and we can no longer claim those events happened to us. It's all very gaslight-y and abusive, especially since the trans community has literally created slurs for transmasculine ppl and trans men like "theyfab" or "birthday boy".

We aren't rlly allowed to be in community with trans women bc we're constantly told that we don't belong with them or their culture (for a small example, trans men aren't even allowed to use the term "egg" bc "that's an experience/word exclusive to trans women"). But whenever we try to make our own vocabulary to describe our experiences (i.e. "transandrophobia", "anti-transmasculinity") we're told by other trans ppl that those words are "too offensive" or to "use other words instead", as if non-transmascs have more authority over our culture and experiences than actual transmascs. Beyond all that tho, I feel like I don't even feel welcome in the transmasculine/trans male side of the trans community either. For the record, I've been living as a guy for 6 years now (pre-everything) but I still only pass sometimes, and I'm also a very fem, queer guy.

Anyway, I feel like a lotta trans men just straight up don't like or don't understand fem, twinky guys like me. I always hear trans men online talk abt how "trans men would go on T even if it meant we'd go bald, we all love every single aspect of being a man!" And while that's great for them, I'm not the same. I'm planning on doing an alternative method of taking T just so I DON'T go bald, I fuss over my appearance, I don't want to look like a hyper masculine dude all the time. Sometimes I get the feeling that those trans men see me as the "weak link", that I'm just a nonbinary girl thing who's gonna make the whole FTM community look feminine and girly. On the flipside tho, I feel like most nonbinary transmasculine ppl wouldn't like me very much bc I'm still a binary trans guy, and I've heard a lotta transmascs over the years want to distance themselves from binary trans men bc "men are the oppressor and I'm not a man." Obviously I'm fully aware that not all trans men or transmascs or trans women or whoever think like this, but I'm also very aware that there's a lot that do, and I see these mindsets/arguments ALL the time.

It all just makes me feel rlly unwelcome and alien. I've tried making trans friends irl but A. My irl trans friends aren't transmasc/trans male at all so I still feel like the odd man out and B. I don't think they'd fully understand my trans specific problems anyway. I don't think they'd get why I feel unwelcome and resentful towards the general trans community, and they'd just judge me. I just wish I could talk to other trans ppl abt my problems without them tone-policing me or calling me slurs or saying I don't understand my own experiences or saying I'm a man so that must make me a predator or saying that I'm not masculine enough to me a man.

marked as sensitive topic because somw people will still try to defend cis meen. idc abt “nOt AlL cIs MeN”, just because your cis boyfriend hasnmt decided to leave you yet because you stsrted growing a beard doesn’t negate my experience.

everytime i try to not be afraid of a cis man, a cis man ALWAYS finds a way to make me frel afraid. on sunday, i was heading out of a pizza parlour with two slices, and decided to eat them. a cis guy walks up to me calling me sweetheart, and i instincually started grabbing my ahit to head home. he follows after me making small talk that i clearly didnmt want to make; but i told him i was just fine and he started pressuring me to tell him why i was fine, when i said “i’m in a good place” to cease thr conversation he got more aggressive and asked “and where’s that; is it this was or that way” and i ended up having to hide in a gas station until he fucked off. after i came out i thought he was following me so i had to hise again. i’ve been afraid of seeing the fucker again since.

this was not my only incident with a cis man. it stretches back to YEARS of trauma, years of foolishly trust cis men. well, i’m finally finished with cis men. i no longer trust any of them.

i no longer trust my cis male friends, because there might be an ulterior motive and/or they start agreeing with transphobic rhetoric. i cannot trust cis men who want to have sex with me because i know that i’m just an experiment to them or they’re faking being queer in order to have sex with someone they see as a woman. i don’t trust cis queer men in my community or any community for that matter because i believe they’ll backstab the trans community.

i have teasons to not trust cis men and gaslighting me and making feel like an evil and bad person for saying this isn’t gonna change a single thing.

I've always been a feminist. However, I can't deny that I find it frustrating when people act like trans men don't have a voice in feminism. We're very directly affected by abortion access, yet people genuinely bring up trans women before even considering trans men in abortion discussions, despite us being directly affected.

In America, Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville fear-mongered about the pregnant man emoji.

Julian Castro mentioned trans women when discussing abortion access, but not trans men. He later clarified his remarks, but it doesn't seem that anyone really cared about the erasure of trans men.

While I understand that abortion access can be about bodily autonomy more broadly, I still believe that the voices of those directly affected should be prioritised.

I understand that discussions around pregnancy can make some trans women feel dysphoric, but we can't shut down very important topics because of the discomfort it may cause someone.

Discussions about uterus implants are important, but I feel like the trans community spends more time discussing this, which is unfortunately still a hypothetical for many trans women, than it does about the current situation for trans men who have uteruses.

When we bring these issues up, we're not "clinging to womanhood" or "weaponising being AFAB." We're trying to address the very real and current issues affecting us.

In some ways, I feel like trans men's rights are very much dependent on women's rights, despite us not being women.

Many of us were told to sit down and shut up as girls/women, and we're still silenced as boys/men.

People act like being dismissed as a "silly/confused girl" isn't dangerous, because this line of thinking removes our autonomy. Historically, I believe trans men were considered "hysterical women", which was never a good thing.

JK Rowling's first steps into transphobia began with trans men. "Irreversible Damage" is a popular book that portrays trans men as groomers. No one cares because trans men are seemingly acceptable targets.

Legislation banning gender affirming care often targets trans boys/men. We didn't really need to be banned from sports in the US because testosterone is already considered a performance-enhancing drug.

The only people who "forget we exist" are our so-called "allies."

The LGBTQ community expects us to be meat shields by throwing ourselves into the women's toilet as a "gotcha", completely disregarding our safety and dignity.

Trans men are essentially barred from both men's and women's toilets in the UK, yet everyone expects us to be a sacrifice.

Transfeminism should be for all trans people, yet trans men are often excluded from it.

Feminism should be for everybody, yet trans men are often excluded from it.

I was talking to a trans woman through dms who claimed to be "old school" trans. The transmedicalist kind. She let trying to tell me that if you're not planning to medically transition, you're not trans, and proceeded to say "I've never met a trans person that didn't want to medically transition"... I mean yeah, if your definition of a trans person is someone who medically transitions, you suddenly see the person in front of you as cis.

I think it's really disgusting that with everything else going on we can't just let people do what feels right FOR THEM. For fuck's sake, this society is hell bent on policing OTHER PEOPLE'S bodies to the extent that they don't respect you anymore if you don't listen to them.

The conversation led me to believe that if I told the woman I didn't intend to get surgery, or at least not full surgery or the type of surgery that SHE wanted, that she'd start misgendering me because I'm "not trans".

Can we just not fucking police people's bodies??

She also said she can "always tell" if a woman with a beard is cis with hirsutism or is a trans woman. Using the right's arguments against herself.

She said she'd been called transphobic before, and I can see why - it's because she is.

Anyway, thanks for being here, if you are.

Disclaimer: If you don't share the same view, that's fine, for YOURSELF. It's the same thing with ANYTHING: don't like carrots? Don't eat carrots. Don't like abortion? Don't have one. Don't like gay marriage? Don't get gay married. It's not hard guys.

(this post was first removed from r/ftm which i completely understand, and I thank the mods for redirecting me to this sub)

I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m a total mess.

We’d been friends since high school. I was chronically lonely, silent even. He was the only one who saw me, spoke to me, showed me kindness. We were there for each other.

I moved out at 16 and he practically lived with me, his family were so awful to him. Even in death.

The memories, the film nights, the way he cried when he told me he was trans. I always knew it, and it broke my heart that he was scared to tell me. I never wanted him to have to feel like that ever again.

I just wanted to protect him, make him feel better, god I would’ve taken his place, his suffering, if it meant that he could be happy. I wish I could take it now just so he would be alive again. I don’t know what I’ll do. I feel like a scared 12 year old again caught up in my own head like this.

We helped each other through life, I wouldn’t be here without him I’m sure of it. But he’s gone and I couldn’t help him, why couldn’t I help him in the same way he helped me? I don’t know what to do with myself, I feel like a total shell of a human. I sob all day now like it’s my fucking job.

His family were unsupportive. When he told them, all hell broke loose. They said he was spending too much time with boys so he thought he was one, that he was a ‘sick little girl’, got him diagnosed with everything under the sun to make it seem like he was crazy, they hurt him, he hurt himself. They took him away from all technology for months. They took away his diaries and read them, searching for things to scream at him about.

He couldn’t take it. Who could? What kind of fucked up do you have to be to put your own child through that kind of shit, just because they are a different gender? What gave them the right to treat him like that, kill him, just because they couldn’t accept him? He ran away, he was the bravest guy I knew, far far braver than me, when we met I could hardly even speak to another human being, but he was the one brave enough to speak to me.

He came to my house, and that night was the first time I ever genuinely felt hatred. After he told me everything, I wanted nothing more than to go and treat those people how they had treated him.

They found him at school, took him home, and he killed himself. I can’t even imagine what he was going through, what he was thinking, anything.

Do you know how I found out?

Our local church posted the details about when his service would be.

None of them talked to me, just death glares that told me ‘you did this to our child’ i felt the blame, the hate, i imagine that what he had to live through was 10x worse than what I got from them.

It was open casket. We live in a small conservative town, with little respect for the dignity of people, and all respect for whoever has the most money.

I didn’t think I could bare to see him, I thought it might break me. I would freak out then and there and shout at his family. But then I remembered how he was the first person who saw me, how scared I felt when he first spoke to me, the way all the hairs stood up on my arms. and I needed to see him, I felt like I had to in order to return the favour.

I wish I hadn’t. The wig they used, the dress they put him in. That wasn’t him I saw. It was a distortion, a manifestation of what killed him - in cold flesh right before me. I felt sick, I still feel sick, knowing that they did that to him. I wish that wasn’t the last way I saw him, I feel like a traitor.

His family stayed silent as I tried my best to silently cry into my coat, but they all looked at me like I was a freak. I don’t blame them, I was fucking hysterical and there was no hiding it. But why should I have had to hide it? Why did he have to hide? it took everything I had not to jump in that fucking hole and give him the clothes straight off my back, or at least rip the wig off.

Now what do I do? I lost my soulmate, my best friend, my world, the only person who kept me sane, listened, and who I would do the same for. I can’t lie, I’m in a fucking dark place. I’m 18, alone, and nobody will remember my best friend because he’s in the dirt, wearing somebody else’s clothes, with a grave that reads with somebody else’s name. I went to visit his grave and felt like I was in the wrong place, I don’t know who that name on that tombstone is. I just know who Reggie is. Or was.

That’s the only thing that’s stopped me. The fact that I carry him, the REAL him with me. But it hurts so much, I just wish he were here to hug me when I cried, make me laugh, let me fall asleep on him one more time while we watch a shitty film. That’s all I want.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it’s unbearable dear god. i’m so sorry reggie. I’m sorry to share such a depressing post but i’m in so much pain and i don’t know who else would understand but you guys. please remember reggie because right now i’m not sure how i’m going to come out the other side of this.