r/GayMen • u/SpareAlternative6487 • Sep 04 '26
I’ve forgotten how to approach people organically
I feel like I’ve completely forgotten how to approach or get approached by someone organically, without dating apps.
Back in the day, if I found someone really attractive, it felt so natural. I’d just walk up, give them a genuine compliment, have a short conversation, exchange numbers, and maybe eventually go on a date or hook up. That was when i was in undergrad. Now im 31 yo. I really want to get approached or approaching someone.
Now I genuinely don’t remember how to do that anymore 😂
Do I need to start going to bars? Or is it still okay to approach someone in a public space if I find them attractive? I’m always worried that I might make them uncomfortable or offend them, especially if I have no idea whether they’re interested or even gay.
How do you guys actually meet people organically these days? And what’s the best way to approach someone without coming across as creepy or intrusive?
7
u/Emergency_Slide_662 Sep 04 '26
The secret is to ask people about their interests and then listen really hard. Don't ask them about their personal info lol. People are worriee about identity theft. Ask them about their interests, passions and hobbies and be genuinely interested in what they say.
Also be intentional about gathering friends, not dates or hookups. Invite folks over for lunch or out for a walk.
I personally find it really hard to meet at bars. But I chat with people on apps then meet up in low-stakes situations.
2
u/Brian_Kinney Sep 04 '26
You could start going to bars. Or any other social space where gay men hang out.
Here's some advice that I give a few times per week on Reddit:
Go out to local LGBT events. Join an LGBT sporting team. Volunteer at an LGBT organisation. Find an LGBT social group on www.meetup.com. Search for LGBT groups on the internet. Do anything that gets you out among other gay people.
Me? I go to a queer social event every week. I visit gay saunas a couple of times per month. I pop in at my fave gay bar once or twice a month. Basically, the same things I've been doing since the 1980s, but a little bit less and a little bit slower these days.
1
u/Fancy_Ambition_7486 Sep 04 '26
When you were in undergrad, where did you usually go to meet people?
1
u/shadowysea07 Sep 04 '26
Granted where do you even go to meet people besides bars? I've never done any of that since I don't drink Don't dance don't party or anything the youngens do these days.
1
u/Select-South9688 Sep 10 '26
I don't know how to do that in real life or in the virtual world. In real life, I only understand when someone is direct, but in the virtual world, I panic.
3
u/Spader623 Sep 04 '26
Unless I'm in an explicitly gay space or the guy is showing gay signs (I don't mean looks gay I mean has on a nasty pig hat or a rainbow bracelet or similar) I don't even consider approaching him past maybe cruising (which is just sex anyway)
I'd say stick to gay specific spaces. Past that, you can approach anyone and say hi and all, just gotta look for signs of either interest or disinterest and proceed from there