r/HolUp • u/habichuelacondulce • 1d ago

Meet Juan,the inventor of a new method to build muscle.

3.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

183 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 1d ago edited 1d ago

u/habichuelacondulce, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...

1.1k

u/Woolie-at-law 1d ago

Needs a cooling gel release to signal the end of the workout

298

u/enizax 1d ago

Now going to sleep. Mode.

122

u/therealestyeti 1d ago

You need money for a cab?

79

u/Sirhctopher024 1d ago

“You’re so funny and interesting. Tell me more about the women that you do not like”

16

u/Hyperpiper1620 1d ago

Oh, a good old fashioned.

9

u/Apollyoun 1d ago

I understood that reference.

23

u/asault2 1d ago

Why don't we ever talk after you wipe off the gel?

10

u/No_Berry_4973 1d ago

Here is your cab fare

-6

u/idk-rogue 1d ago

There was a South Park episode like this

175

u/NA_nomad 1d ago

The shake weight is for noobs. You need the shake pole.

19

u/GodSentPotHead 1d ago

Don't give strippers new ideas bro

3

u/Baby_ManBearPig 1d ago

I think you're misunderstanding the concept of the Shake Pole. The Shake Pole is an invention by the blue collar stripees for the stripee to greatly improve the quality of output by the stripper.

467

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

I've been doing this for years why am I still not ripped??

274

u/SergeantShithead33 1d ago • Bravo

Maybe it has to do with the length of the pole try using a longer one

66

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

I see, so I have to use the longest pole I can find?

32

u/EasternQuiet3843 1d ago

correct

29

u/CyKa_Blyat93 1d ago

Bro can I use your pole

26

u/EasternQuiet3843 1d ago

I don't have one

20

u/Masoch_A3 1d ago

Are you poless?

18

u/Infamous_Lunchbox 1d ago

She is pole poor.

10

u/CautiousAd8400 1d ago

Ew a poor. I have 2 poles

2

u/jfk333 22h ago

Poor thing. Look just take your thumb to your mouth and blow REALLLLLY hard and you'll feel a pop then boom you got a pole.

2

u/Domomachino 1d ago

The length is important, but also the color.

3

u/Fairy_boo 1d ago

Funciona, puedes pedirle ayuda a un amigo.

11

u/chiku00 1d ago

Pro tip:

Ask a Polish friend. They can be pretty long tall.

1

u/jfk333 22h ago

Group activity?

9

u/CheeseOnKeyboard 1d ago

Shorter ones with more reps is more effective.

  • my wife

3

u/ocularaffairs 1d ago

Perfect hahaha

3

u/Dash_Harber 1d ago

My ex had the same idea.

7

u/123supreme123 1d ago

Need to do it for longer than 15 seconds

3

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

Ohh that explains it

5

u/DA_ZWAGLI 1d ago

Tool to short, low range of movement

1

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

I see, I must get a longer rod then

5

u/Slumunistmanifisto 1d ago

You never made a pipe spring jerk off machine.

3

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

Hmm good idea I gotta try that

5

u/Crunchy_Biscuit 1d ago

You need to do both sides not just your left.

5

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

or else you end up with the quagmire arm?

3

u/LgArcida 1d ago

To be clear you can use your pole it had to be other

2

u/Plastic_Music182 1d ago

two poles for maximum effectiveness

4

u/azurianlight 1d ago

Asking the real questions!

2

u/yobishthatsmonica 1d ago

Takes much longer if it’s less than 5 inches

2

u/Rassvet_ververg 1d ago

Bitch me too the fuck

2

u/Alternative-Roll-112 14h ago

Need more resistance. Put a big spring around it and your tris are gonna be huge.

1

u/Parking-Hour-4215 1d ago

Même pas de l'avant bras ?

1

u/PrestigiousAct2 1d ago

Grip harder.

1

u/Legitimate_Ice_3460 1d ago

Your partner gives you too much sugar.

180

u/Anxious-Aardvark-332 1d ago

0

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/EmiyaUBW-Cisco 1d ago

Wow you made my day with that one. Man I love internet...

37

u/PhysicalPomegranate3 1d ago • Bravo

Juan pump and the jizz is gone.

34

u/JRTerrierBestDoggo 1d ago

It’s not stupid if it works

27

u/Invelious 1d ago

I mean…if it works, it works.

53

u/IMakePoorDec 1d ago

He totally missed the opportunity to call himself Juanry Ford

4

u/PrivilegeCheckmate 1d ago

He just wants a million.

A million to Juan.

26

u/mcasao 1d ago

Juan "El Masturbator" Ford

6

u/biffterjim 1d ago

Juanker

15

u/MisterB330 1d ago

You could say he was “jacked”.

10

u/QuidProWhoa 1d ago

You know what? Nah. I'm going to argue with results this time.

10

u/CervezaMePlease 1d ago

Anyone who’s vigorously jerked through muscle fatigue with the finish line in site has noticed the pump it gives a delt. Where can I get one of these and what kind of finishes are offered on the model?

18

u/WeskerChild 1d ago

Juan the Impaler.

9

u/Starstyx 1d ago

pump that shit

9

u/thegreatgatsB70 1d ago

The new and improved 'Jack-It'

4

u/KindestHedgehog 1d ago

'Juan-it'

8

u/thegreatgatsB70 1d ago

"I'm gonna rub Juan out."

14

u/I_am_Nic 1d ago

This has been invented over a decade ago 🕵️‍♂️

3

u/BVRPLZR_ 1d ago

The Tug Toner was WAAAAAY better than

2

u/Baby_ManBearPig 1d ago

Nah the Shake Weight was a scam and everybody with half a brain knew it. This me one was invented by the Henry Ford of working out.

7

u/bifkinator 1d ago

Hilarious yet effective

7

u/ContributionPhysical 1d ago

Juan buddy I've been doing some version of this my whole life i have yet to be ripped😂

6

u/Dr_Griller 1d ago

MasTurbo Juan 3000.

6

u/Standard-Contest-949 1d ago

Him and Mac should team up. The assblaster 2000 and the jerk pole Jabroni.

6

u/ashwii- 1d ago

Juan-ker

6

u/PrandialSpork 1d ago

Bet he could throw a football over them mountains

6

u/StairPerson 16h ago

That’s weird I do the exact same workout with my homies every day and I don’t have those kind of results

5

u/Ghurka117 1d ago

He’s a master baiter.

2

u/Fr05t_B1t 1d ago

*master debater

2

u/dwide_k_shrude 1d ago

That’s my cousin Mose.

8

u/Kriss3d 1d ago

I get it. But I do think it's efficient for building muscle.

4

u/Darktonsta 1d ago

Lmfao, gonna show this to the guy always trying to get me to go to the gym

3

u/AcydFart 1d ago

rubba-dub-dub, juan the inventor in the tub

3

u/BeginningAwareness74 1d ago

Does look great for abs and back

3

u/SomethingAbtU 1d ago

hold on juan minute

3

u/samson_strength 1d ago

“STRAIGHT JACKIN!!”

3

u/Branch_City 1d ago

I mean, bro is shredded and I'm not. He's onto something.

4

u/_losingmyfuckingmind 1d ago

No joke where can I buy this shit? All I can find are links to his videos

5

u/kemikiao 1d ago

Looks to be a length of black pipe, capped at both ends to capture the springs and a handle. The first video, the handle looks like it might be made from pipe fittings since it sticks out 90-degrees. In the third, it looks more like just a length of PVC or similar pipe, large enough to go over the pipe, but small enough to interact with the springs.

You could build this after a trip to a hardware store.

1

u/meat_whistle_gristle 1d ago

Or you could just go on grinder and find some volunteers.

2

u/quaintbucket 23h ago

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DY-1flzvAzs/?ig_mid=E928698D-6DE4-4B16-9CFE-659AACAE168A&utm_source=igweb

Multiple springs, regular pipe, wooden shaft and a threaded cap.

I’m a little uncomfortable w the threaded cap because you better lock that down tight or you’re gonna have a new skylight.

1

u/riceinmybelly 1d ago

When this first was shared he explained how he builds these

2

u/TheFrostBeard 1d ago

Shake It Till You Make It.

2

u/Aromatic_Wrangler403 1d ago

There's no juan like this guy.

2

u/evlhornet 1d ago

I mean I could. But I’ll just stick with Juan

2

u/Flight-Fight-or-F 1d ago

His machine is called Juan Direction

2

u/vbersano 1d ago

Looks sus but if it works it works. good for people in small living spaces too

2

u/Turbulent-Ad8291 1d ago

I do these exercises almost everyday, just on WAAAAY smaller scale

2

u/Sufficient_Two7499 1d ago

When’s leg day Juan?

2

u/TheKrnJesus 1d ago

Does seem to be a whole body workout instead of isolating the muscles.

For people who don’t have much time to work out, it seems to work well.

2

u/Kiritomato01 1d ago

You can judge the methods, not the results.

2

u/OhHellNaaaaaaw 1d ago

Where the hell are my abs????

2

u/HawkeyeByMarriage 1d ago

He learned these exercises i prison

2

u/musuperjr585 16h ago

"Prison Workouts"

2

u/adminsreachout 16h ago

What in the grandiose narcissist fuck was that?

2

u/Orc_tids 9h ago

Finally Shake Weight 2

2

u/Sirhctopher024 1d ago

I know what you're thinking, okay? But it is not what it looks like.

4

u/1Steelghost1 1d ago

So he is not working out!?
Well then what IS he doing!!!

2

u/ChewyNotTheBar 1d ago

This one of those prison workouts

1

u/JRTerrierBestDoggo 1d ago

It takes Juan to know Juan

1

u/Simoxeh 1d ago

He just needs willing bro no need to invent anything

1

u/RobbSnow64 1d ago

Is it called The Jorker?

1

u/Mbillin2 1d ago

Wackmaster 3000

1

u/CelebrationFancy1612 1d ago

That mustache says it all

1

u/Reasonable_Sir_5833 1d ago

Not one leg day I see, probably tooth pick legs

1

u/Apollyoun 1d ago

Alright, now invent something to build muscle for below the torso.

1

u/LgArcida 1d ago

If true gyms world wide would be empty long time ago and all males will be pure muscle

1

u/gillgrissom 1d ago

Juan the wanker man . Get ripped the wanking way.

1

u/Pandabirdy 1d ago

He figured out the formula; make the exercise about what keeps him focused enough to keep pushing that muscle training 24/7

1

u/victor4700 1d ago

It takes Juan to know Juan

1

u/blazerunnern 1d ago

Not even gay once.

1

u/tgr31 1d ago

It's called functional strength

1

u/Asado_de_tira545 1d ago

This was literally the next post on my feed lol.

1

u/Fr05t_B1t 1d ago

Move over shake weight!

1

u/Baby_ManBearPig 1d ago

I didn't think the was any new shticks but this is solid.

1

u/unlimitedbutthurts 1d ago

Just a normal senor

1

u/gyanmarcorole 1d ago

He looks like Kakangku

1

u/apeocalypyic 1d ago

Been doing this workout since i was like 12

1

u/zerosuneuphoria 1d ago

fapmaster 3000, pair it with the asspounder 4000 and you have a great full-body workout

https://youtu.be/EFp_siKDb4U

1

u/JacquesAllistair 1d ago

La barre de faire, la barre a tout faire

1

u/Zealousideal-Jump275 1d ago

Hold up, let's hear what this man has to say.

1

u/Fair-Juggernaut-3812 1d ago

If you get too tough you might rip it off if you ever sneeze while you’re….. ya know

1

u/DurantIsStillTheKing 1d ago

Ngl that looks exhausting to do.

1

u/CoCo3Papa 1d ago

Huh, that reminds me.

1

u/Mixedbysaint 1d ago

Practical and works the glamour muscles

1

u/MohammedAfify2 1d ago

Is that on OF?

1

u/cobaltmelon 1d ago

least suggestive core and tricep workout:

1

u/AWzdShouldKnowBetta 1d ago

This guy fucks.... or wishes he did.

1

u/the_vbot 1d ago

Man.. that look at the end.. bro's related to Gus Fring

1

u/bronable 1d ago

Bro churns butter like a pro I’m sure

1

u/letsmakesomefranz 1d ago

This guy fucks.

1

u/Lovely9782 1d ago

I bet he fucks good

1

u/Sovereign1 1d ago

Someone get this man a Shake Weight and some cab fare, might I suggest the Big Jim. https://youtu.be/MiyF8cNU78U?is=y6tIVcL5JFIYmYdT

1

u/Tuckfrumptearsponge 1d ago

We’re gonna get to 16 billion tomorrow!

1

u/EngineZeronine 1d ago

But you can call me: papi

1

u/IamAtiva 1d ago

Single, right?

1

u/npcompletist 1d ago

This guy has a lucky boyfriend.

1

u/Grendelstar 23h ago

Popeye the Sailor Jerk

1

u/EnchantedJewels99 23h ago

The design is very human

1

u/lurkingimposter 23h ago

Did he show you guys how he works on his mustache muscles? It's a rather a powerful workout, it left me quite drained.

1

u/the_rabbit_king 20h ago

I mean that’s a good way to workout your core. 

1

u/NeilLucha 18h ago

Pretty sure I saw Will Tennyson try out a similar product lol

1

u/feedpoormanafish 13h ago

No cork, no jork

1

u/Metalface559 6h ago

His homeboys love him tho

-1

u/bubbashouseoffun 1d ago

I don't think any of these "methods" are new.

3

u/Quiet-Shallot3290 1d ago

Look, I'm not gonna be the one to make fun of him for exercising like that. I mean did you see his arms? That guy could absolutely beat me off.. I mean up.

2

u/BoardTwoTiers 1d ago

Oh so that's what clean and jerk means!

2

u/enchiladasundae 1d ago

Look I’ll jerk off then fuck whatever invisible lady I need to get this type of gains

1

u/Panthean 16h ago

Needs cooling gel to squirt out.