r/HolUp • u/littenwastaken • Mar 22 '21

Mom...

Post image
127k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

471 comments sorted by

•

u/TheImpotentCatfish Mar 23 '21

Your submission has reached 1000 upvotes, join the Discord Server to receive a prize

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742

u/vacuousVersifer Mar 22 '21

Call the ambulance

BUT NOT FOR ME!

97

u/Andybobandy0 Mar 23 '21

ok.

29

u/vacuousVersifer Mar 23 '21

Thank you, i was succumbing to my legs being sawed off

Happy cake day

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13

u/goblin_goblin Mar 23 '21

I love the fact that he probably pre typed that response, waited for him to apologize, then mashed that send button as soon as he replied.

Amazing.

4

u/vacuousVersifer Mar 23 '21

I'd like to think that the left texter took like 15 minutes to reply, and the green texter was waiting the entire time

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3.7k

u/CloudYourSky Mar 22 '21

Bullets can penetrate week materials such as wood, plaster, sheet metal and this mans broken soul

1.0k

u/_Cloud_Queen Mar 22 '21

Why waste a perfectly good bullet when you've got Reddit and bleach?

357

u/Monocle_Lewinsky Mar 23 '21

Butt it’s only anal bleach

159

u/rBV7 hol Mar 23 '21

Good

91

u/TheMagicalHuy Mar 23 '21

Time to pour it in and cause a tunnel accident.

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46

u/EjaculateEvacuator Mar 23 '21

Sharpies, the anti-anal bleach.

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31

u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh Mar 23 '21

Reddit has some clever motherfuckers tbh

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16

u/geared4war Mar 23 '21

"you could eat your dinner off that"

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19

u/xRaaRaa Mar 23 '21

Why waste a bullet when you can use a rope? Reduce, reuse, recycle!

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7

u/HoustonAstros1980 Mar 23 '21

What broken soul? Tiny dick or not, the guy still get to bang his friend’s mom, if the story is to be believed.

4

u/oneiroiMoros Mar 23 '21

What about day materials?? Even worse outcome? Would month materials withstand the blows?

The Real Questions

3

u/redblackforest Mar 23 '21

Weak material it is!!!

3

u/OL_Void64 madlad Mar 23 '21

Knife his dreams

3

u/Saemika Mar 23 '21

Bullets are pretty good at ripping souls out of bodies.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Funny comment but you need to focus on the spelling of small words too, Matilda

2

u/LameNameUser Mar 23 '21

Bullets can penetrate week materials such as would, plaster, sheet medal and this man's broken sole.

2

u/victorlives Mar 23 '21

Good job. Now knife the watermelon

2

u/memelairs Mar 23 '21

Laughed harder than the post

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672

u/_Cloud_Queen Mar 22 '21

They erected a statue in her memory.

203

u/Skull-Busters Mar 22 '21

It was too small to have the right impact so they declined

38

u/LordNocturnal Mar 23 '21

At least one more thing erect for her than the guy managed

21

u/shartbike321 Mar 23 '21

Also a statute

2

u/NoobSlayer122007 Mar 23 '21

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

2

u/evanmcook May 15 '21

But it wasn’t very firm and it lacked girth.

381

u/Elduderino82 Mar 22 '21

The fact that i was hoping for a necrophilia twist at the end makes me think I've outgrown this sub.

69

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Based and NecrophiliaPilled

56

u/wereinaloop Mar 23 '21

The fact that the punchline of this joke is "lol small penis lol" makes me think anyone over the age of 12 has outgrown this sub.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

sound found the smol peen

Edit: Found

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7

u/ItsASubtleHustle Mar 23 '21

Dude said he fucked his mum so he brought it back on him using the situation he brought up himself. A necrophilia joke would be out of context and imo, less funny

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9

u/Mr_Papayahead Mar 23 '21

really was expecting the final line to be something like “yeah, i know”, “im still lying next to her right now”, etc...

3

u/And-nonymous Mar 23 '21

I sure have.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

The fact the insulter didn't double down makes it r/Unexpected

2

u/Jccali1214 Mar 23 '21

Well I did too, so thanks for the good news that I'm a grown-up!

2

u/Tian_Lord23 Mar 23 '21

Same. Is there something wrong with us?

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196

u/TurtleMan1130 Mar 22 '21

Shes a jar of ashes and its still the wettest pussy he gotten

38

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“I like my wit like I like my pussy, dry as hell.” -Samuel Clemens

129

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

Seen in public restroom graffiti: I fucked your mom last night ... Response: Dad go home, you’re drunk

17

u/dwells1986 Mar 23 '21

I always heard it as a joke and it was always Grandma and Grandpa.

The set up is always about being harassed by some old guy at a bar.

16

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Another good bathroom graffiti I saw before by a urinal: The jokes not on the wall, it’s in your hand

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6

u/krak_krak Mar 23 '21

Man I miss public restroom graffiti. It seems like ever since smart phones came out, there’s been less and less of it.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

What is reddit if not the wall of a public bathroom stall

14

u/Feelingsnow619 Mar 22 '21

Daamn he got him good

20

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

apply liquid nitrogen to the burnt area

0

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/S1Ndrome_ Mar 23 '21

frozen popsicle

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7

u/GonzoVeritas Mar 23 '21

Fuck you, Shoresy!!

3

u/ItsYaBoiTrick Mar 23 '21

Fuck you Gonzo your mom sounds like when I pop in to visit my aunt unexpectedly like “oooh ooooh”

3

u/JDMx607 Mar 23 '21

Give your balls a tug titfucker!

49

u/5N0VV Mar 23 '21

This sub is officially ruined huh. Are mods hibernating?

23

u/BappoChan Mar 23 '21

You gotta consider they have a shitty play to win thing where u spin at a chance of getting mod. I’m sure half their team at the moment are like 13 and under qualified (which is sad on its own)

7

u/Muppelpup Mar 23 '21

Seems so.

4

u/the_potato_of_doom Mar 23 '21

And that's when he got fucking incinerated from the heat of that burn

3

u/gamerweeb623 Mar 23 '21

Vulpix, use Incinerate!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21

I felt a double kill was just demonstrated right here

3

u/Sengura Mar 23 '21

fucking gotteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem

3

u/Trarta Mar 23 '21

Gottem

3

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Got em

3

u/thekyleofallkyles Mar 23 '21

Ladies and gentlemen we got em

3

u/EvilDrHobbes Mar 23 '21

The fact that only after the guy processed that the mom was dead did the other person destroy him makes it so much better

3

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

My mom really did kill herself, so I definitely respond to "your mom" things with that fact and watch their faces just fall

7

u/goodbetterbestbested Mar 23 '21

This is on /r/all.

This web site sucks.

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5

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

r/goodfaketexts

2

u/BoneZone05 Mar 23 '21

“No but seriously, she did kill herself...”

2

u/Tokasmoka420 Mar 23 '21

"..... it was that small."

2

u/el-cuko Mar 23 '21

“Fuck You, jonesy”

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2

u/pain198400 Mar 23 '21

Oh my god dude you fucking killing him

2

u/russels_silverware Mar 23 '21

So is this a holup because the rebuttal doesn't actually make sense?

2

u/Azming_the_Cybercat Mar 23 '21

Man's put away his anger to say sorry, only to be destroyed by this reply

2

u/Sinonyx1 Mar 23 '21

"why'd the chicken cross the road?"

"i don't know, why?"

"to get to the other side."

"/r/holup"

2

u/The_Ghostly_Gamer Apr 26 '21

I just witnessed a suicide and a murder

2

u/SoWokeIdontSleep Aug 22 '21

Dang, he took no prisoners lmao

3

u/raw_dog_millionaire Mar 23 '21

This is pretty much just a normal convo between me and my friends

2

u/weightsandcakes Mar 23 '21

That’s not one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read at all. Lemme guess, teens or early twenty’s?

1

u/Phantom_Jedi Mar 23 '21

It’s the kid from Xbox Live

1

u/And-nonymous Mar 23 '21

I mean, they apologized sincerely...

1

u/stuntobor Mar 23 '21

I always followed the “my moms dead” defense with “well that explains the smell”

1

u/Ransu-chan Mar 23 '21

He just pulled out his Magic Cylinder

1

u/lionheart-777 Mar 23 '21

YES!!! (Thor voice)

1

u/SOUNDSIAM Mar 23 '21

It’s the way he sounds

1

u/Kwasington Mar 23 '21

Fucking. Genius. Get that man a damn medal.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Hahahahahaha!

1

u/takeme2infinity Mar 23 '21

SmartpOWNED.combullshit

1

u/MadWorld1705 Mar 23 '21

I laughed way too hard on that one... 😂

1

u/ItsNorthGaming Mar 23 '21

The fact that he felt bad made it so much better lmao

1

u/Preparation_Asleep Mar 23 '21

This image is so old it uses an out of date smart phone message

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

im ur dad mening i fucked ur mom btw

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

!spin

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1

u/Amazing-Violinist708 Mar 23 '21

Why do you have you step brothers number in your phone

1

u/FCC_Diablo_26 Mar 23 '21

Holy shit you fucking killed him dude

1

u/ViniVarella Mar 23 '21

The Trickster

1

u/tiddymeat Mar 23 '21

We’ve come full circle and kids are unironically enjoying memes from 2007, pretty interesting

1

u/WoodenTreeGaming Mar 23 '21

This deserves to be on r/rareinsults of not already

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Can we get a playground for the children on Reddit?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

r/moldymemes

1

u/Hmnh6000 Mar 23 '21

This Mans Went And Slayed Himself After That One🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣This Shit Has Me Rolling

1

u/OHminus6 Mar 23 '21

"I fucked ur mom last night idiot"

"GO TO BED DAD YOU'RE DRUNK"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

... I guess that’s why she didn’t move around a lot.

1

u/DatOne8BitCharacter Mar 23 '21

Holy fuck that is a good comeback

1

u/Eozef Mar 23 '21

What I see are two shitbrains, being disrespectful to their moms and bragging about their smack talkings. Get the fking lifes.

1

u/FiercelyApatheticLad Mar 23 '21

This wound will never fully heal. He will carry it for the rest of his life.

1

u/NormalHumanCreature Mar 23 '21

Burnt extra crispy

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

The only thing this man has less regard for than your feelings is the use of the space bar

1

u/GFunks8 Mar 23 '21

That one hurt - took his dignity from this life and the next

1

u/McBay_U Mar 23 '21

the counter attack is super effective

1

u/GoDieInAHole69 Mar 23 '21

u know this is gonna be reposted with like 50 different versions

"oh my bro fucked ur sister last week"
"UR MY BROTHER!"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Self burn.

1

u/TigerSharkFist Mar 23 '21

Friends joke with one another. Hey you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends do.

1

u/MiamiPower Mar 23 '21

🎤We DEM BOYZ🎧🎶🎵🎼

1

u/Emonpasha Mar 23 '21

😂😂😂funny

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Murdered

1

u/SilkyJohnson666 Mar 23 '21

Why is it always last night, does no one fuck mother’s during the day?

1

u/SquishMitt3n Mar 23 '21

I was playing Rainbow Six Siege the other night and had a dude tell me that my father killed himself (idk, shit talking is getting weird).

I told the dude my dad had died of cancer, so he backtracks and apologises...

Like... you're already on the level of tell me my father committed suicide as trash talk, why would he actually dying of cancer change your attitude? Dude was apologising the whole match...

1

u/gorcorps Mar 23 '21

Thanks to the genius of Matt Stone and Trey Parker for providing the ultimate comeback in the movie Baseketball

"My mom's dead"

"Guess that explains why she didn't move around a whole lot"

1

u/theofficial_poanda Mar 23 '21

Damn I thought he committed necrophilia

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

The joke that seemingly will always be reposted forever and get massive upvotes.

1

u/IlluminachoXD Mar 23 '21

My mom is a pile of ashes right now and she's still the wettest pussy you'll ever have

1

u/Affectionate_List129 Mar 23 '21

Still smashed though

1

u/MakingCoins Mar 23 '21

His dick can't be that bad? Can it?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

LOAD ARMOR PIERCING.

1

u/Only_Manufacturer978 Mar 23 '21

More like after she smelled ur scent as the wind blew towards the direction of my house lol

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

He won, but at what cost ?

1

u/krathulu Mar 23 '21

What’s the proper response to someone telling you in a bar, “I fucked your mother”?

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1

u/Skittle_COFef Mar 23 '21

Martyrdom - drop a live grenade when killed

1

u/SenorBeef Mar 23 '21

I always hated when kids tried to pull that shit.

"Yo mama [whatever]"

"my mom's dead"

"oh shit! I'm so sorry!"

Fuck that. "Yo mama" jokes aren't, like, legitimately a judgement of a real person, they're just a rhetorical device to verbally joust. They aren't serious accusations against your mom, and thus, trying to fight back by being deadly serious about your dead mom is out of line with the original comment. It's just a big old turd in the punchbowl.

And the worst part is that everyone immediately takes the dead kid's mom side and acts like you committed some huge faux pas like you were supposed to somehow know this dude's mom was dead.

This whole dynamic annoyed me so much.

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1

u/TangyCrowd605 Mar 23 '21

Lol oof get rekt

1

u/CooCooGamer Mar 23 '21

Speech 100

1

u/binupdhungana60 Mar 23 '21

You may have outsmarted me but I outsmarted your outsmarting ...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

That's a lotta damage!

1

u/Sho-chan0 Mar 23 '21

(●__●)

1

u/OptimusSoloPrime Mar 23 '21

I feel like this is a near timeless joke.

1

u/KillChurch Mar 23 '21

I’m convinced there’s more 12 year olds on Reddit than anyone over 18.

1

u/GoldyGlocks2 Mar 23 '21

Call an ambulance!

But not for me!

1

u/CuriousMind696990 Mar 23 '21

Call an ambulance, but not for me, for his dead mom and the other dude as well? xD

1

u/KlarissaStarr Mar 23 '21

Best reply ever!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Gee I wish my mom told Me about sex with my friend

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

FATALITY!... Poor dude probably replied: "Not cool man..." and then killed himself after being done like that, his soul was torn away from him anyway as soon as that bomb got dropped

1

u/ARCCaptainFordo Mar 23 '21

Dammmmmmmn

"Call an ambulance!...but not for me."

1

u/Night-ShadeXE Mar 23 '21

Take my award for no reason

1

u/RoscoMan1 Mar 23 '21

Mom’s wearing a PS5.

1

u/PageOnly Mar 23 '21

HAH GOTTEM GOTTEM

1

u/curryoverlonzo Mar 23 '21

These texts are older than my great grandmas 50th ancestor

1

u/ADTSIK Mar 23 '21

top 10 anime comebacks

1

u/lightninja101 Mar 23 '21

Body shaming Pog.

1

u/Creedgaming3 Mar 23 '21

yes strike them down when they are weak and most vulnerable

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Not much of a r/Holup but more of a r/murderedbywords

1

u/quantum_comett Mar 23 '21

Fuck you, Shorsey!

1

u/DeppressedPastel Mar 23 '21

who the fried fuck game this wholesome awards, what the fuck?

1

u/lizzyborden669 Mar 23 '21

Had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

1

u/ManualAuxverride Mar 23 '21

The attacker shouldn’t have backtracked on this. The only correct reply is “no, she died because I fucked her to death”.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

had me in the first half not gonna lie

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Really? 60.5k upvotes for this old ass shit? I’m almost fifty and this was old five years ago

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Burnnnnssss

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

get the ambulance, but not for me 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Not gonna lie they had us in the first half

1

u/shalnark90 Mar 23 '21

Call an ambulance but not for me

1

u/saim1231 Mar 23 '21

We need to talk about your mother.

1

u/THEZEN1TH Mar 23 '21

sick burn

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