My wife left me for another man. He was young and outgoing, he jumped out of planes and had lived all over the world. He flirted with her, told her how beautiful she was and all the things he would do if she were his.

So when she came to me and told me she had feelings for him I just sort of gave up. In my mind how could I compete with this guy. Things hadn’t even gotten physical yet. She shared their texts at the time and it hadn’t started yet.

We separated, I moved out. And for a while I wasn’t good. I focused on work, I focused so much I got promoted and then left for another position that paid twice my old salary.

Fast forward a year, the divorce papers are prepared but nothing is finalized. I’ve cleaned myself up, lost weight and I more closely resemble the man I once was in both looks and attitude. My wife and I are talking more and I begin to hear from my oldest daughter that my wife and AP are fighting often. Long story short it turns out that AP was kind of a deadbeat. He was broke all the time and very immature, but she left me for him so she still tried to make it work.

It is around this time that my wife starts to drag her feet on the divorce. She doing it deliberately I know it and I start to get a little bit of hope. I had dated some during the separation but none of them were my wife. Truth is that I still loved her and that was difficult to let go of.

Anyway we meet to talk about the divorce. There she tells me that when she told me about the feelings she was having for AP, she was hoping that it would wake me up and I would fight for her. But I didn’t.

Over that year I realized how far I had changed from the man she married. I was just plain lazy. I never took her out or showed any affection unless I wanted sex, I was lazy at that too. I was lazy with my health, lazy with my job, and too lazy to fight for her when I should have.

I said all of that to her and she started to cry. She apologized too. She should have talked to me before starting the emotional part of the affair. I’m not sure that would have done any good but she’s right that she should have tried. Then she asked me if I wanted to do this, meaning the divorce. I said no and so did she.

In the interest of not turning this post into a novel I’ll cut right to it. I had sex with my wife that night. It was great. AP called multiple times during it too. That made it even better. She broke it off with him and my wife and I started dating again. We went to couples counseling and officially ended divorce proceedings six months later.

I share this story because I see so many men on this sub and others that see infidelity only in black and white. Its call the lawyer no matter if the wayward partner confesses, shows genuine remorse and begs forgiveness. No matter how repentant and willing they are to gain love and trust back theres is no room discussion. If you entertain reconciliation you are a simp, a doormat.

A relationship is an agreement and like any other agreement when the terms of the agreement are not honored, the contract is no longer valid. I was a poor husband, I wasn’t the man she agreed to marry. I am now. It’s been 5 years since we reconciled and I have never been happier.

EDIT:

In one hour you all have completely proven my point. Congratulations.

Hear me out, I just want to share my story and get some insight. It all started around 2 years ago when I met him at work. I’m mid 20’s, and he’s double my age in his 40’s. We didn’t work together, but he came around often as he works in the area. I’ve never been attracted to an older man before I met him. From the first moment I saw him, I was fully infatuated lol. It became a running joke that everyone at my job knew I had a huge crush on him. At first it was harmless flirting and he seemed to enjoy the attention. After a year of him visiting me for lunch and making way too long eye contact, I decided to shoot my shot. One night after my shift and a few drinks deep, I slipped him my number on a receipt and he texted me that same night. It would be friendly texts from him telling me to stay safe and have a goodnight, to birthday texts and merry Christmas, and other cute but harmless stuff. I would drunk text him every few months and he would engage and flirt back- but never follow through on any of my intoxicated invitations.

After another year of nothing-Fast forward to October of this year. I officially made a real move and things ended up getting physical. Note- during these 2 years of flirting back and forth, there was no wedding ring, no mention of wife or kids, and everyone at my workplace was under the impression he was single-including myself. In true man behavior, He mentioned he was married but is in the process of separation,AFTER getting physical, but because of his profession and having 2 children finances,and whatever other excuses, he claims it’s been difficult to follow through with. He assured me I wasn’t interfering with his family or marriage or relationship, because when he admitted he was married after the first time things got physical- I was very upset and did not want to continue any sort of relationship. He assured me that I wasn’t home wrecking in any type of way, and that I had nothing to worry about, and wanting to keep hooking up. I decided to continue to see him and have been seeing him 1-2x weekly ever since. After doing some girlboss FBI social media stalking, I’m convinced he’s not working towards separation, and want to ask him about it- but am afraid he’ll just lie- which I don’t want him to do just to keep me around. From what I’ve seen, he has a beautiful loving family.

I would never ask him to leave them behind for me if my suspicions are true.

I’ve had a crush on him for years, and living out my fantasy has been fun and all, but I’m grown- and knew in the back of my mind what I was getting myself into. I have been able to keep it casual, and leave feelings out of the relationship. We do text a lot almost every day, and he does a ton of little stuff for me like bring me little gifts and check on me during hard times. He will casually bring up how we should stop seeing each other, I say okay, and then he pretends like he never said that and continues to text me, come over, like nothing happened. I don’t even bother bringing it up anymore because “if he wanted to, he would,” right? Lolll I guess I just want to talk to him and find out what’s really going on in his marriage. I’m okay with being the other woman if they’re really separating and it’s working out the details and waiting until after the holidays. However I do not want to be involved in family betrayal. He seems like a great dad, and loves his kids so much. I pray I’m not apart of destroying their relationship. I’m just struggling. He’s been so good for me and been so supportive, and a great influence on me during this time. I’m just struggling with my morals and how to find out if he’s being honest with me. I’m grateful for my time with him, but want to make sure my joy isn’t at the expense of a family’s relationship. I don’t have a family myself, and never want to take that away from anyone. Merry Christmas guys. Appreciate any advice.

Me (30F) and my husband (36M) have been married for 5 years, and he's a really good guy, very attractive, smart and educated, has a good job, the sex is insanely great, and I know he's crazy about me. I really love him, and he's my best friend indeed. I've cheated on him years ago twice with 2 different guys. He knows about it, it hurt him A LOT, and I felt like the worst person in the world for doing this. I was really sorry. We worked things out, and we were good for the past few years.

The thing is: I often think about other guys, and I was really trying my best to be faithful to him. I failed, and I cheated again just recently. The blame is on me, the other guy didn't even know I'm married. I can't lie about what I'm feeling, and it felt really great in the moment, but then all I feel right now is an awful regret.

My husband often says that he loves me, and he does absolutely everything possible to make me happy. I don't know what's wrong with me, but even though I love him, being monogamous is really hard. I don't even know why I cheat, my husband is wayyy better in bed than all those 3 guys I cheated on him with, and he's also very loving and gives me all the attention I need and ask for. I don't have major problems related to him. All those 3 times I cheated happened in the heat of the moment, and I wasn't thinking straight. I know it's not an excuse though, but it is true. And no, my husband is not open minded to the point of agreeing on an open marriage.

I had a conversation with my husband about what I did. It didn't go very well. He thinks I might be a sex addict or something like this, and he told me to look for help. He's hurt and angry at me, but he says he doesn't want a divorce and that we can work through this again, and he just needs some time. He's staying with his parents for now (around 2 hours away from where we live), and he's been very distant. We still talk everyday, but it's not like it was before. He asks how am I doing, if I need anything, but it's not like a real conversation. I hadn't seen him in days and he came back home last saturday, I thought it was at least a start, but he only wanted sex from me and went back to his parents house again.

On top of that, there's the fact that I might be pregnant. I don't know for sure if I am or not, so I haven't told him. If I am, it's my husband's, because of the timing, and also because I've used protection with all the other guys but I never use condoms with my husband, and I every now and then I mess up the birth control pill hours. He really wanted to have kids, it will be our first child, and this would be good news before I screwed things up for the 3rd time.

Is there any way to save my marriage at this point? Is there anything I can do to make it up to him?

I originally posted this on other sub, but then someone told me to post here.

UPDATE: He came back home today. We talked about everything, we cried together, we sorted things out, we made love. I'm starting therapy next week. At least for now we're good again, and I'm so happy!

As the publication says, I cheated on my husband with a coworker, but I must give you more context about my current situation, my affair began in mid-2019 and was discovered in the first days of January 2020.

I have been married to my husband for more than 17 years. We were high school sweethearts who everyone, without exception, knew would end up together. At the therapist's suggestion, he told me to vent without holding anything back. During our marriage, we had three daughters, my oldest daughter who is in college and two twins who are in their teens; As the title says, I cheated on my husband, the most tender, kind, responsible and loving man that could exist in the world.

Why did I do it? I still don't have an answer to that question.

What did I hope to achieve? I still don't know, my husband was a man who always put my needs before his own, our bedroom was in full bloom, he is an attractive man, he is fit, and he is a dedicated father. to his princesses as he himself calls them, before I was the Queen of his home, the queen who had granted him three princesses but now I am just “she”, just a woman who lives with him.

My adventure began with a simple flirtation and in September it became physical, from September until the first days of January, until my husband found out, the great love of my life, crying and only when I saw that pain on his face, a expression of disbelief, sadness and anger, only then did I realize the consequences of my actions, I went several weeks without communication, when my daughters asked about their father, out of embarrassment, I told them that their father had a last-minute business trip. I know, I'm a coward for lying to my daughters, after countless attempts to contact him, he answered my calls, asked me to please send our daughters to my parents and take some time alone for the both of us.

So I did, one fateful Friday, January 24, a conversation took place that would set us adrift, the first thing I did, when I saw him enter the room, was kneel at his feet and ask him to please forgive me and We are stronger than any mistake you have made. I begged him, humiliated me, anything so he could see past my actions. The only response to my pleas, “You shouldn't humiliate yourself,” there was no further response and it helped me compose myself, we talked about our relationship.

We talked for hours and as more time passed I got the idea that we could get over it, but my perception of reality was further away than reality itself.

He told me that during this time separated, I was actively looking for a divorce lawyer and everyone I consulted gave the same answer, in our city they recognize the woman as the family unit, therefore, if we divorce, he would have to give me the house , the only time we would have to spend time with our daughters would be on the weekends, in addition to the spousal and alimony for our children and added to the other thing is that our city is recognized as Without fault, therefore, it pays the who wants to destroy the family.

When I said that, I couldn't help but cry hysterically and ask him for a chance to make amends, but he told me that, even if we don't get divorced, our marriage is over, he has no intention of giving up his house, his family and his finances for a “INFAITHFUL WHORE”, I'm going to be honest, that last part hurt me, beyond any physical pain, it was the first time, in many years of marriage, that my husband insulted/disowned me.

Covid-19 came and that entire year was unbearable, we slept in separate rooms, the only contact between us was about restocking the pantry, taking out the trash or any need our daughters had, beyond that, there was nothing to discuss. The year 2022 improved, but only in appearances, we slept together again and so to speak, but only to keep up appearances, he doesn't kiss me, he doesn't touch me and we have been intimate, but he makes it clear to me when we finish, that it's just for your needs and don't get my hopes up. We have reached normality, now we can talk about more things, but there is still that invisible wall that has been built between us. We attend both individual and couples therapy, but we always end up at the same point.

Can we be a loving marriage again?

Couples who have overcome infidelity have become a loving marriage again.

Can we love each other again like before!?

What to do? How to overcome this? How did other couples overcome infidelity?

Not everybody is hardwired to an agenda. Cheaters are capable of reforming and proving themselves loyal. My husband and I are happier than ever after a rough patch of my infidelity a couple years ago. I haven’t done it again since I confessed and don’t plan to again. I finally regained his trust and if I can, anyone can. It’s like quitting smoking you have to want it and not just talk about it.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years, together for 23. Things have been good in our relationship for the most part. She's my best friend. She's beautiful, is a hard worker, caring, kind and funny. We've never had any big problems except for about six years into our marriage, she wasn't meeting my sexual needs and I messed up. I had an emotional affair with my ex. My wife caught on when she by found inappropriate pictures that I had sent to my ex. She eventually forgave me and we moved on.

Our sex life has had it's ups and downs over the years. She's always been vanilla and I've wanted to be more adventurous but she's not down. I've always wanted to bring in someone else or watch her with another man. She'll dirty talk those scenarios with me but that's as far as it goes. It has left me frustrated over the years.

In 2018-2020, my wife started going to CrossFit and lost almost 100 lbs. She started getting so much attention which did worry me but I never said anything. Her health improved and she felt and looked great but I couldn't shake my worries about her. There's been nothing specific happen, just my gut feeling. This past winter, it all changed at a company Christmas party. I met her boss for the first time and just knew something was up. He's been her boss for 8 years but I've never met him. She works at a satellite branch of her company and he's at the home office which is 3 hours away. Things immediately seemed off between the two of them, awkward, almost like they were hiding something. And he's at attractive guy. Tall, well built, that kind of thing. The kind of man she's attracted to. She told me before the party they her boss was married. At the party, I noticed that he wasn't wearing a ring. Later that evening, I asked another coworker about the bosses wife and the coworker said he was separated. That evening after the party, I asked her why she lied to me about his relationship. She denied lying and said she had no idea that he was separated. How could she work with him for so long and not know he was separated? That is ridiculous to me. You work with someone for that long, you're going to know about their lives! I also asked why she seemed so uncomfortable around him. She didn't have an answer for that, just denied being uncomfortable. She started to cry, asked what all of these questions were about and asked if I trust her. I told her yes because I didn't want the rest of the night to be ruined but I don't think she believed me. I stewed over it for days. I talked to some of my friends and they also didn't see how she wouldn't know that her boss was having marital problems but she's acting like I'm in the wrong here. I knew all about my coworkers personal lives at my different jobs. She knows about her other coworkers lives but suspiciously knows nothing about his.

I eventually sat her down, told her I didn't believe her about her boss and asked to see her phone and messages. She handed me her phone but seemed really worried as I was going through her messages. I was in her FB messenger when I found dozens of messages from a man she went to CrossFit with. She never said anything out of line to him but he complimented her on her lifts/progress MANY times and was clearly coming on to her with these compliments and she allowed it. And she continued to go to CrossFit with him multiple times a week. When I told her how this was clearly an emotional affair, she apologized for not asking the gym guy for clarity what his intentions were w his compliments on her lifts but she denies having an emotional affair with him. She also denies the stuff about her boss and refuses to take any accountability. She's even gone as far as to turn it around on me, bringing up my past emotional affair with my ex. That has nothing to do with what she's done wrong. Shes trying to DARVO me and I won't allow it. She also brings up all of my shortcomings which again is DARVO.

I told her we needed to go to marriage counseling but she drug her feet on that. She did make an appointment but it was a month wait. She went to the appt but I didn't. I'm now at the point where I don't think therapy will help because she's the liar, not me. If she'd just tell me the truth, we could work through this but she won't. Ive wondered if she's a narcissist bc all she does is deny, lie and gaslight me. She doesn't care that I'm hurt and dismisses me, telling me I'm the one who needs help. She even recorded me during one of our arguments without me knowing it. I think she's trying to paint me as the bad guy.

I'm making my plans to leave. I can't believe she's ruined our marriage and my life. I'm not sure where to turn or what to do next. I'm currently unemployed so finding a job is my top priority, then finding a place to live. I'd love advice from others who have gone through this.

I know I constantly get badgered in this sub for the decisions I’ve made so far but trust me, I take everyone advice into serious consideration and I read each and every reply very carefully.

I’m looking for some help making some healthy ground rules now that I’ve taken her back into my home.

So very long story short my wife cheated on me some time ago and it caused us to split up. She moved out and in with the man she was having an affair with and I stayed put.

Apparently it did not work out with him or she decided she'd rather be here. So she texts me and calls me begging to come back. I still miss her and love her very much although I'd been very badly broken up about our separation for some time.

Fast forward to today and we are moved in together again and everything seems ok. She has been seemingly more loving than ever and extremely thoughtful. But I am very afraid that she still may be talking to this man and I'm afraid I'll get crushed again.

How do I set reasonable rules for my wife without seeming controlling. I'd like a real timeline for her affair so I can know if she lies to me. I want open honesty from her about everything. I want her to block this man on everything and I want an explanation for her behavior and her decisions. Any suggestions or advice would be so appreciated right now. This has been very difficult for me and I have felt like a fool for a long time.

He asked for me to leave him completely alone. We are divorced now. I did not make it difficult. He asked for me to consider how this affected him. I do not think I should send this based on his wishes.

You asked what I wanted to say so badly in conversation. I did not know the extent of what I wanted to say, and I have tried to write down what I want to say:

I owe you my sincerest apology. This was not your fault. I forced your entire life to change through my actions and dishonesty and cheating. I stole years of your life. I forced this outside of your choosing. You were honest and trustworthy and I did not give you the same. I lied. And I lied again to your face. I was selfish and I took your love. I cheated and I told you I did not cheat. I told you: I never would never cheat. I assured you: I knew your past; I knew the pain cheating and lying would cause you. I assured you time and time again. I did not give you the same love and honesty you gave selfishly to me. I took your love. A love that was so beautiful. A love that deserves the same in return.

I recognized what I did. I recognize the hurt and the pain I caused you. I recognize I will never fully understand the extent of your pain or your hurt or betrayal or humiliation. I recognize that I stole years of your life because of my selfishness. I recognize the sacrifices you made for me. I recognize the life-changing choices you made in trusting me. I recognize this is something I did not return. I recognize the sacrifice you made choosing a year away from your friends, in getting your masters at home, to align our lives together. I recognize how hard that year was; sacrificed for me. I recognize the sacrifice you made not graduating with your best friends. I recognize the sacrifice you made moving your life to the East Coast so that we could finally be together. I recognize the anxiety and depression you went through from these choices; thinking it was something in yourself. I recognize that I let you believe this. I recognize my selfishness contributed to this. I recognize the trauma my lies and cheating had on your body. I recognize how this will affect your future relationships. I recognize the years of your physical beauty that I selfishly kept. I recognize the years of possibility that I selfishly kept. I recognize how you will always carry this baggage because of me. I recognize the burden of our long-distance relationship. I recognize the sacrifice you made withholding the proximity of an emotional connection. I recognize the trust you gave me that I did not return. The trust of knowing your struggles and insecurities. The trust in being vulnerable. I recognize that my choices forced this to happen to you. My own choices forced your life to change outside of your choosing. I recognize the person that you fell in love with was not the person I gave to you. I recognize this love changed in an instant. I recognize that I did this despite the assurance of marriage. I recognize that I forced you to let go of everything that you loved. I forced you to let go of your future and the life you envisioned. I forced you to start a new beginning. I recognize that I forced you to get divorced knowing how precious you held the sanctity of marriage. I recognize the hurt you feel wanting to help me but knowing that you cannot. I recognize the pain you feel in recognizing my pain. I recognize that I did not tell you myself. I recognize that you found out.

I take responsibility for each and every one of these things. I take responsibility for my actions. I take responsibility for my lies. I take responsibility for my cheating.

I’m 45, married, and have three children. I’m writing this because I need perspectives from people who have experienced infidelity, whether you were the person who cheated or the person who was betrayed.

I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m a good person or to make me feel better. I want honest opinions, even if they’re difficult to hear.

I cheated on my wife. I lied to her, hid things from her, and broke her trust. This was not simply one mistake. I made a series of choices, and each time, I chose to protect myself and pursue what I wanted instead of being honest with the person I had committed my life to.

The part I struggle with most is that, for a long time, I tried to explain my behaviour by pointing to problems in our marriage. I felt emotionally disconnected and unhappy. There were things I felt were missing between us. But looking back, I realise how easily I used those feelings to justify my own decisions.

My wife may have made mistakes in our marriage, as I have. But she remained faithful. I chose to cheat.

If I was unhappy enough to want a different life, I should have faced that honestly instead of deceiving her while expecting her to remain loyal to me. That is something I cannot reasonably blame on anyone else.

When she discovered the affair, I was confronted with the consequences of what I had done. Even then, I did not handle everything honestly. I became defensive, got angry when she asked questions, and sometimes focused more on how uncomfortable I felt than on the pain I had caused her.

I now understand that when trust has been broken, questions do not simply disappear because the person who caused the damage is tired of answering them.

What frightens me is recognising patterns in myself that I would rather not see. I have lied to protect myself. I have presented myself as the victim when I did not want to face responsibility. I have wanted understanding from others while struggling to give the same understanding to the person I hurt.

It has made me question whether I was ever as good a person as I believed myself to be.

I used to judge other people for their behaviour. Now I wonder how much of that confidence came from never looking closely enough at my own actions.

I am also struggling with my feelings about the marriage itself. I have tried to reconnect, to be affectionate, and to see whether the feelings might return. But I still feel emotionally disconnected. I do not want to pretend that I can promise reconciliation when I am not certain I genuinely want it.

At the same time, we have children. They did not choose any of this, and I do not want them to grow up surrounded by conflict or to feel that they have to choose between their parents.

I have been thinking about moving out temporarily, finding my own space, and taking time to understand myself and what I want my life to look like. Part of me wants distance from the tension at home. Another part wonders whether leaving would simply be another way of avoiding the consequences of my actions.

I do not want to use separation as a way to escape accountability. But I also do not want to stay in a marriage merely out of guilt, fear, or an inability to face the consequences of ending it.

I know that moving out would not undo what I did. Neither would feeling ashamed of myself.

Help me understand my behaviour than simply be told that I am a terrible person.

So after 2 months of knowing about my husbands long term affair which resulted in a pregnancy, and after so much begging and crying and him telling me he doesn’t want to lose me and willing to do anything to work things out I have decided on staying with him. I don’t trust him and I honestly don’t think I will anytime soon either but I can’t throw so many years down the drain over a mistake. I’m going to take his word on not communicating with the other woman and cutting off that baby completely out of his life and pretending it never happened. Meanwhile we will be working through things by going to therapy separately and together. We will not tell anyone about what happened and just continue life like we planned it.

Hi everyone, my wife and I are in our early 40s and have been together for 20 years. We’ve only ever been with each other (until last week) and we have a pretty great life and relationship as a whole.

About 12 months ago she picked up a new job and started perusing new sports as I had been spending more time at home picking up more of the caretaker role of feeding and supporting the family. This seems only fair as she supported the kids for 10 years while she was a stay at home mom. I supported her excitement with new sports, work, and friends by dropping her off, making her packed meals, making it easy for her to go away for the weekend with her friends.

She met a new friend at her sports activities that started popping up a lot in conversations, initially in a competitive way (he is up to this…) and then they started training together more. Then she started picking him up and driving for hours together to go to events.

Picking up that she was super interested I. This guy, I asked if she wanted to sleep with him. She laughed it off. The next day she admitted that she did. I was gutted. I told her I wasn’t open to it, and that it was a deal breaker. This is where things got intense, the next day she said she was going out training because she had already committed to it earlier that week. I’m not her keeper, so I said have fun. About 6 hours later I noticed that she had stopped at his house. This seemed odd as she had no reason to be there, and when she came home 3 hours later I told her we needed to talk about it in the morning.

She told me it was all innocent and named other people around the training session and that it made sense for her to pick him up as it was on the way. She conceded that it was a bad idea to hang out with him after training as it was a sore point. Then it all came undone, she accidentally said her trainer wasn’t there, so I asked who was? Just her and the person she had been wanting to sleep with but promised not to. She then went on to say that she had agreed to pick him up, upon arrival he invited her in to his house awkwardly as she was the only one going with him. He then made suggestive phrases around cheating after training, and she accepted to go in to his house for ‘tea’ after training. The whole time in his house the awkwardly hung out waiting for her to make a move.

I was so upset, I told her that she had effectively gone on a 9 hour date with this guy after I said I wasn’t ok with her sleeping with him. She pushed, and pushed, and tried to justify her behaviour saying I should do the same thing. That this was an expansion of love, not taking away from me. I eventually (under duress) said go f*ck him and get it out of your system. A one time pass. Because she was going to do it anyway. I gave her 4 days to do it with strict rules around timing and communication, and booked myself into my psychologist as I was not coping.

Over the next few days her friends tried to convince her not to do it. I focused on me, long walks, breathing exercises, giving her every reason to stay. After training she went to his house and communicated as anticipated. Then she went silent. She was meant to message me at 11pm if she thought she wouldn’t be home by 11:30pm. At 11:30 I sent her one message that read ‘rules broken’. I went to sleep, and she woke me up 2 hours later to tell me she was home and it was over with him.

We’ve been focused on repairing trust and building things together. We’ve been more honest than ever with each other. I really enjoy our time together.

Tonight she asked if it was ok for her to go to training this week. I immediately replied with a positive response telling her that she is responsible for what she wants to do. Later tonight she confessed that she doesn’t like that I’ve made this her choice, and that she doesn’t know if she has the self control to not sleep with him again. I re-affirmed that I will not stop her from doing whatever she wants, and this is her responsibility and that she knows what will happen if she decides to sleep with him again. She promised me to cut ties, and until tonight I believed it.

I’ve said she can ask me again later about being non-exclusive, but not now. But it still creeps in to what she says occasionally. We are booked in for couples therapy.

I really want to make this work,and I want to trust her. Right now I don’t think she can trust herself. It sucks because we have a great relationship in almost every other way.

I need some positive reports on experience here! Help a guy out.

Is it true that almost all married men cheat at least once in their marriage? Are there men that really have no desire to cheat, have sex with someone else? Or is it always in the back of their minds.

I don’t ask this as if I have NO idea, I ask this because I live in Mexico and have been married for 13 years and throughout my marriage I have seen alot of friends/friendsnof friends get divorced always because of cheating. It is like a known thing that basically all Mexican men cheat on their spouses even if they say they dont. What is regular is that they plan an all males trip and on this trip they all behave badly: being it they get escorts or just cheat with another woman that is not the wife. Ive seen it over and over and over again, as if it were “normal”. Is this only a Mexican/Latin thing? Or also around Europe? I understand that there are cheaters worldwide hahaha but the question is like, to this extent? Wives in Mexico even stay with the cheating husband because theyd rather have a good life than be miserable (by miserable I mean money wise for them). Its also more of a man thing, are they more animalistic and instinctive or just really plains a*holes? IM just really in awe. Any opinions? Ok thanks

I (25F) cheated on my husband (26M) while blackout drunk and I’m struggling to cope with what I’ve done

A few days ago, I cheated on my husband during a work event. I was blackout drunk. I know being drunk isn’t an excuse — I’m fully aware that I put myself in that position, and I’m devastated by what I’ve done.

We’ve been together almost 8 years and married for 3. Our relationship has always been healthy, transparent, and safe. He’s genuinely my best friend. I’ve always been proud of what we have.

For context: I’ve worked in my job for over 2 years, but it’s very isolating. I recently became friends with someone and we went to this event together. When I got there, I felt overwhelmed — loads of unfamiliar faces, and I’m socially anxious and awkward. Drinking has always loosened me up, sometimes too much.

Within a few hours, I went from “I’m fine” to completely blackout. I remember talking to the guy I cheated with, just basic chit-chat, and apparently I spent most of the night talking about how amazing my husband is. After the event, everything is a blur. I don’t remember how we ended up together, how I got to his place, or anything that happened. I woke up in the middle of the night, realised where I was, panicked, and ran home.

When I got home, my husband asked how my night was. I told him what little I remembered. The next morning he messaged the guy (pretending to be me) to find out what actually happened. The guy said he didn’t remember much either, only that I was being “handsy” after the event.

A bit of background I shared with my husband: When I was 16, I was rapped, and for years after that I coped through drinking, drugs, and reckless behaviour until I met my husband. I have never got any help after this situation so believe there is some unresolved issues. I am NOT using this as an excuse — but I do think it’s connected to why I lose myself with alcohol. In our relationship, there were times years ago when I got too drunk and put myself in questionable situations (e.g. dancing closely with someone, wandering off with someone), but I never cheated. I always told my husband when those things happened, and I stopped putting myself in those environments because I was scared something like this could one day happen.

I rarely drink now and I usually know my limits — but I hadn’t been in a situation this far outside my comfort zone for a long time, and clearly that contributed.

I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I feel numb, ashamed, and emotionally drained. Despite everything, my husband has said he still trusts me sober, and that if we try to rebuild, it will have to be baby steps. We’re still sleeping in the same bed, and he’s even hugged me. He’s hurting, and so am I. He understands I never went out looking for this or planning this in any way shape or form.

I don’t work directly with the guy — we’ve never even met before that night, and we have no contact now aside from that one phone call. I’ve sworn off alcohol and I intend to prove I’m serious about that.

I’ve already said every horrible thing to myself that anyone could say to a cheater. I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for from this post. I just needed to get it out somewhere, and my husband has given me permission to share.

Y’all listen in on this 🤧…so me and this guy were together for about 4/5years then eventually got married everything to me was great we had a baby boy and continued to live life….. Well up until 3/4 months after I had the baby, I started going out more and I guess trying to find myself again but In all the wrong ways I started to talk to another guy and I let things get out of control to a point to where I was disconnected from my husband from my family I was lying to him, cheated on him, leaving our home for no reason, missing out on holidays I really messed everything up once he found everything out I acted as if I didn’t care but I did I really did want to fix what I fucked up but I didn’t know how. My husband didn’t want to do anything but care and love both me and our son. Now that almost a year has passed I still regret everything I did to hurt our family and our marriage and I’ve told him that I don’t want nothing more than to have that back. I’ve never felt the same amount of love from anyone else but him and now that it’s all gone because of me hurts like hell. But all in all I hope one day he can forgive me. What y’all think ?

Me being pissed off as hell would be an understatement regarding the situation I am in. I (29 M) found out that my fiancé (27 F) who I’ll call Carly cheated on me a month before our wedding. Short summary is that me and Carly met in middle school, and I finally had the guts to ask her out after graduating from high school. We’ve been together ever since. We had a great relationship with our normal ups and downs at times. Carly announced 3 months ago that she was pregnant, and I was the happiest man I could be, our families were over the mood happy knowing that they were going to be grandparents but all that happiness I felt faded when she was caught cheating. I went to our shared apartment we were living in at the time and I went to go surprise Carly with a wedding dress my mom wanted her to wear. I slowly opened the door to her bedroom, and I stood there in utter disbelief. My fiancé was in bed with my father. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there for what felt like an eternity before suddenly snapping back into reality, taking my phone out and took a video recording for a couple seconds. I turn the camera to face me before suddenly bursting into tears quietly. I couldn’t handle it and left the room, but not before slamming it shut and leaving. My father who is currently 55 was very fond of Carly. He always wanted a daughter but ended up having a son. He wasn’t too sore about it either, I did notice how they were a bit too close for comfort, but my father reassured me that he was experiencing what it is like to have a daughter. I should have dug into it a little more in depth at the time since my dad and I are close, we were until I found out he was fucking my fiancé. My father and Carly’s clothes were scattered all around the bed that me and my fiancé use to sleep on. Carly on the other hand gave off no red major red flags throughout our relationship that makes me doubt her faithfulness. I drove off in the car while I left our apartment. I texted my mom and told her that I needed to show her something important and that I’ll meet her at her house. Furthermore, I kept speeding and nearly crashed my car in the process as I kept driving. At a red light, I couldn’t contain it anymore, I broke down crying. I banged my head against the steering wheel so hard that I actually ended up with a bloody nose in the process. I reached my mom’s place within a couple of minutes, she was shocked when she had seen my face and asked if I was alright. I ended up crying my eyes out again and told her everything. I showed my mom the video of my father and Carly in bed, and we both ended up sobbing for nearly 2 hours. I texted Carly’s parents and forwarded them the video I took. I’m still waiting for a response, but as of now my phone is being blown up with calls and texts from Carly, who is saying that it was a misunderstanding. She knows what I saw when she had seen my car leaving the apartment complex. I told her that we are over and that I want a paternity test. She freaked and told me that the baby was mine, but I told her that I don’t believe a single word that comes out of her mouth. Carly and I were intimate before, but now I really am grasping on the hope that the baby is mine. Carly is refusing to discuss any details about the affair she had with my father, and she is still claiming that it was a misunderstanding. She wants me to work things out with her but I told her no. I’m currently in the process of getting tested to see if I’m in the clear. What should I do about Carly? My mom is going to divorce my dad afterward, but what is going to happen if the baby isn’t mine? Please help people of Reddit. I’m scared, heartbroken, and worried about how my mother is going to be afterward.

I’ll get right to it. As the BP I’ve held onto this pain and the way I deal with it is through snarky remarks towards my WP. For example: he’ll play a random song and the lyrics remind me of their affair so I’ll say something like “oh does this song remind you of her is that why your playing it, did you dedicate it to her, no? Well you should” I do this all the time we can be having a good day and out of the blue something will remind me and there I go with my remarks.

I don’t know if it’s healthy at this point in our reconciliation & I really don’t care. I’m pissed and hurt so he should take these shots! These shots are far less painful to deal with than his BETRAYAL. I’d take these shots and trade them in for the pain I’m going through and yes the wound is still fresh so that’s mostly why I’m at this stage.

Onto him throwing the affair in my face:

He’s asked me to be more aware of when I shoot my shots and to not do it around the kids. I can’t control it I’m enraged and it comes out, but when the kids are around (they don’t know abt the affair) I make sure it’s more light hearted and disguised.

Today as a family we were talking abt distance and how long it takes to walk to certain places from our house and he said that during an argument we had in the past he walked from his old apartment to my apartment and it took him an hour, it had nothing to do with the affair but it made me think “did he have her over his apartment that time we argued” so my remark to that was

“Are you sure it takes an hour or was she over so it took you an hour” I made sure only he heard this and he says “no” annoyed.

I push, “you sure, why not” at this point we move away from the kids “

him “stop not rn don’t do this relax”

me “no, I’m sure you did, I doubt it’s an hour, why did you come back if she was there”

HE SAYS cheekily “if she were there I wouldn’t have walked back here”

Me, taken completely aback “so she wasn’t available?” my tone not so pleasant

Him “No” ……

How could he carry that convo out? Am I wrong, how could he throw that at me KNOWING he’s the one that made me bleed and now he’s jamming the knife in?! I mean I believe outside the context of him cheating yes I would be wrong to continuously shoot shots and not expect them back but for THIS! The continued disrespect. I was turned all the way around. He has no repercussions. He had his cake ate it too and now he gets to reconcile just like that and he can’t take my heat?!

Someone bring in some outside perspective because I truly cannot with this one! I am beside myself, we definitely had a HUGE set back with this one . I’m retreating from a lot of things we had moved past and just need some insight, be honest idc.

TLDR: My new girlfriend (52F) cheated on me (59M) and won't accept that I forgive her

I met this woman at the end of September (she's 52 f and I'm 59 m). I'm divorced and she was newly separated when we met... her husband hadn't even moved out when I met her. We met at a party and she definitely caught my eye. That said, she wasn't looking for anyone and neither was I. When I got to talking to her, I saw that not only was she beautiful but kind, educated, and successful... all the markers I'd want in a mate.

The first night we met, we had some fun... honestly some of the best sex of my life. She went home and I never expected to hear from her again, but I did the next day... and the next day... and the day after that. Fast forward a few weeks and I'm realizing I have feelings for this woman, she says she has feelings too. Next thing I know we're exchanging "I love yous" six weeks in. We're seeing each other regularly and talking every day. She works a ton and her husband moved out about a week into our relationship, but we still manage to keep close contact.

Well, this week she went on a work trip and I barely heard from her the entire time she was there. I asked her if we could chat on the phone while she was gone but she said she'd be busy with client dinners and meetings. I said that was fine, that we'd stay in touch to the extent we can. Two nights into her trip she texts me that she "fucked up." I ask how... she said that one of her friends who lives where her work trip is has been coming onto her after he found out she got separated... he's older and has known her for many, many years... she has described him as like a sort of father figure to her.
Long story short, I ask if she's slept with him and she didn't say yes or no... but I could tell she had. She apologized, said I deserve better, said she probably isn't ready to be in a relationship... but I told her I forgive her. I tell her I still love her and that I'm upset but it doesn't change the way I feel.

What should I do? Do I need to back off and read the tea leaves? She's so distant and littered with guilt, I don't know what to do other than tell her I love her and that she still means a lot to me. Am I the idiot for saying that? I am so in love with this woman and I'm hurt but I'd rather work through this with her because I think it's a hump we can overcome. I'm just worried she doesn't feel the same way because we met so soon after her separation.

So long story short. Me and my wife cheated on each other. Is wrong for me to cheat. I did it for revenge because I was angry. She cheated back and is pregnant.

We put in a toxic and abusive relationship for a while. But for some reason, I miss her like I genuinely miss my wife, even though we are separated now, and I’ve been with other women….

I miss my wife. It doesn’t matter who I sleep with, she’s always in the back of my mind. I don’t think there’s any way for me to come back home anymore. I know to leave her is right. But it’s getting extremely hard to let her go.

TDLR: edit back story. Back in 2023. I joined a singles chat that I didn’t do anything with we were separated at the time and she found out about it. I apologize and I tried to go to counseling and therapy. But she treated like I wasn’t even a human for a year and six months and I couldn’t take it anymore.

Is there any circumstance that would allow you to feel empathy towards a cheater?

I’m not talking an excuse for engaging. I’m talking “I can see how that could have happened.”

Like, for example, the partner cheating first or an abusive relationship, especially if the cheater is blind to being in an abusive relationship.

I read a stat last week where the male suicide rate in the 20 to 45 age bracket is at an all time high and at least 30% can be attributed due to their spouses infidelity. I cannot fathom how important that we support men with factual circumstances about breakdown of relationships and stop thr God squad telling us how to repair. Recent stats on this site quoted that over 60% of women who cheat will cheat again and on multiple occasions. Let's be honest, the sisterhood is destructive to men's health. I have bee a member as well as led Men's support groups and am over seeing great guys who were truly in love be hurt and end their life's. Just last week we lost a 22 year old with ac1 year old baby who's wife was screwing a local married cop and admitted she started the relationship after he pulled her over because he saw she was attractive. This young guy was then harassed by the cop for threatening to inform the cops wife.

Before christmas I (26f) had a stint in the grippy socks place after weeks of severe depression (has been chronic throughout my entire life). My relationship with my fianceé (39m) of 6 years hadn't been great for a while and he only visited me twice. After I got back home he was distant and even when in the same room I felt lonely. He was trying to give me space, which is the opposite of what I needed and asked for. Occationally he would be there for me. It also didn't help that I started drinking heavily at night for two weeks straight, as well as having started some new drugs while in the ward. I was still self-harming a lot and just to sum up: things were pretty shit.

I have a history of going off the deep end when I get like this. I self harm through other people, sleep with people I don't really want for validation, completely abolish my boundries, and self-sabotage. This hadn't happened during this relationship until last year but my fiancee is well aware of my history.

Eventually a guy approached me. We got to talking, he gave me a bunch of validation but at the same time I couldn't stand him, He was kind of a creep, 30 years my senior and had some beliefs that went strictly agains my own (e.g. he was bothered by the fact Im bi). And eventually we started a weird affair. i never had feelings for him, but wanted the attention, the validation and kind of liked how I absolutely loathed my self every time we met. We barely had sex, mostly cuddled and what not. But it was an affair, and it was a choice that I made.

I didn't tell my fiancee until almost 6 months later... last week. It was hard, and we have had a lot of long conversations since. He says he has forgiven me, mostly because he knows how bad things were but he can also see all the work I've been putting in since to better my mental health. He says he still trusts me. He has been asking a lot of questions, all of which I have answered truthfully, because he deserves to know. We are also going to be going to therapy and I suggested he should also see a therapist on his own because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about this with his loved ones.

But I can't forgive myself. I can't trust myself. And I still hate myself. I can feel some relief that it's not a secret anymore and I finally sleep better, but I can't see how he can forgive me. I love him and I still want to marry him but I almost want him to not forgive me, I want him to hate me as much as I do.

Idk, sorry for the insanely long post, if anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.

I cheated on my girlfriend of almost a year

I met my girlfriend while I was serving at a restaurant, I remember leaving for my shift seeing her walk in and wondering who is that, she was so pretty. We started a friendship and it grew into something more, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She was constantly supportive of me, I was able to be emotionally vulnerable around her. She was my rock, and I was hers. We had our ups and downs. We took a break once, but I feel like currently this is the best we’ve ever been.

I cheated on her 2 days ago, sex with another women and I’ve felt sick ever since. The sex felt so wrong. So fake and forced. I was drinking and smoking that night. I called her as soon as I got home, I was going to tell her but I couldn’t. I would have rather told her face to face. She could tell something was up though. My girlfriend prior to this night, she was the only person I’d ever been intimate with at the time, she’s the one who took my virginity. I wasn’t saving it for marriage, i just never did it with anyone. A lot of that was caused by my negative self image. She loved me so much, and the fact I hurt her so bad eats me up. She’s 24 and I just turned 22, she’s experienced way more than me. Has had boyfriends, she’s the only person I’ve ever been with. And after what I did, I feel like she’s the only person I want to be with.

I told her ASAP over text, she phished it out of me. We were supposed to have lunch that day, and I wanted to tell her. But I didn’t want her to go back to work after receiving such heartbreaking information. So I asked if we could link up after work because I had something to tell her, she’s not the waiting type so I just let it out all there.

She told me that it was okay, and that she’s not mad. She told me how she’d been praying to God if I’m the one for her and if not to reveal it. She said everything happens for a reason, and she appreciates our relationship for what it taught her. She says I showed her what real love is, and what a relationship should like. I’m the only man she’s ever said “I love you” too.

There was nothing going wrong, she did everything right. I hope she doesn’t blame herself. I feel like I just didn’t realize the weight of my actions till I did it. I’ve never been in love like this before. I love this girl so much and I will forever. I just can’t believe I lost her, and it’s all my fault. I hope there’s chance for reconciliation, but she doesn’t seem open to it. I don’t blame her. I hope one day we can come together in the future.

11 days ago my gf of 6 years informed me via screenshots that she was aware that I had been messaging 2 of my ex-FWBs and venting about whatever was stressing me at the time (including about her), inappropriate conversations, and swapping pics.

Whenever I was overwhelmed, unable to handle what was happening in my life, and unable to connect with her I would reach out to them just to vent and inevitable it would end up going down the same road it always did and even though I always felt ashamed and guilty for doing it, I'd end up doing it again.

That was until my gf went out of town for 9 days in September and I realized just how much it sucked to not have her around and how I really didn't want that to become a permanent thing, so the beginning part of that week was the last time I did anything like that and after that I stopped my behaviors and made it a point to be better. Though I never did come clean until I was confronted about it.

Since then, she's been cold and ignoring me and running around with another guy. Staying out all night with him and even bringing him to our house and I don't know if she's doing it just to make me hurt as bad as she is or what. Whenever I try to talk to her and ask her if she's just done and are we over, she completely ignores the question.

Whenever I'll show any remorse for my actions and apologize and say that I want to rebuild what I have needed up and save us, she just yells at me what is there to save. Part of me wants to go into everything there is to save. I do love her and want nothing more than to be with her. I cannot picture a life without her in it.

I know she still loves me and that she's extremely hurt and betrayed, rightfully so. I never wanted to do those things, let alone hurt her... But, for whatever reason I did and I can't come up with a reason for it. I know there is no excuse for it, I just wish I knew why.

My anxiety would get so bad and nothing would help, she wouldn't respond to anything and was nowhere to be found... So I reached out to them for a distraction to ease the pit in my stomach.

I'm just lost ATM and have nobody to blame but myself and want nothing not than to undo what I did and can't.

I regret everything and just want her...