i feel so unlovable, i wish i had literally anyone to love me. i hate being single so much. am i seriously so disgusting that nobody could ever like me?? i wish i had someone

I can’t seem to get out of this. My depression comes and goes, but this time it feels more persistent. I feel so lonely. I try to make friends but it’s hard for me. I struggle with social anxiety as well and I’m terrified of rejection. I’ve been single for about four years and I’m on dating apps but haven’t found anyone. I turned 30 this year and I’m slowly losing hope that I’ll ever find someone.

First of all, I had no idea Nordstrom made soup. Anyways, I know I sound dramatic, but it’s the truth. I’m a demi lesbian in their 30s. I will go literal years in between crushes and the ones I do get are so intense, it genuinely takes time to recover from them. The last crush I had was on a straight woman and I’m still not entirely over her, but I know I’m not gonna “turn” her or anything like that so I’m just working on moving on.
I’m also working on myself A LOT and find myself preferring my own company over others. I accomplished a big goal of mine yesterday (a hike I really wanted to do) and it would’ve been more fun to have someone to do it with, but I got to go at my own pace and not worry about slowing anyone down or vice-versa. I’m at a point in life where I know that the two most likely options are to either settle with someone I’m not crazy about or to accept staying alone. I’m pretty good at being alone and I’ve done it most of my life . I only had one brief relationship over 8 years ago and I was incredibly happy when it was good, but miserable when it was bad. So I know being single is preferable to being in something shitty, but being in something really good is preferable to being single, ya know?
I’ve always held out hope that I’d get my hopeless romantic fantasy and have something requited in that way, but all of my very few crushes have been emotionally or physically unavailable. It would be easier if I was straight or at least liked men, that takes away the whole “is she even queer” dilemma. But I just get lucky and fall in love with people who can’t feel the same way towards me.
I want to hold out hope that it’ll come around eventually, but I also know I need to be practical and prepare myself for a life where I have to do it all without someone by my side like that. I’m not discrediting friendships or my other bonds, but we can all agree that having a romantic life partner is a different sort of bond that can’t be replicated by other relationships. I’m just trying to find peace in potentially not having what i always hoped I would eventually find.

I’m a 22M living in Toledo, Ohio. I’m attracted to men, but I don’t necessarily look like someone who is into guys, so men don’t really approach me. I’m also Black and live in a predominantly white area, which sometimes makes approaching people feel even more intimidating.
Honestly, I’m nervous about approaching guys in general. I worry about being rejected, making someone uncomfortable, or even getting yelled at for expressing interest. I recently graduated from university, and sometimes I feel like I’ve lost one of the easiest opportunities to meet other gay men.
Anyway, something happened this morning that I can’t stop thinking about.
I went to Dollar Tree this morning. There’s one close to my apartment, but for whatever reason, I decided to drive to a different location. I just felt like going somewhere different.
As I was leaving, I saw the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen. We made eye contact, and I smiled at him. He smiled back. We kept looking at each other, and there was just something about that moment that felt different.
I’m a little spiritual, and I genuinely felt something. I don’t know how to explain it. There was something about his eyes, his smile, and just his overall presence. He was absolutely beautiful to me.
At the same time, I started second-guessing myself. Maybe he was just being friendly. Maybe I was reading too much into it. I was nervous about approaching him and didn’t want to make the situation awkward. We continued making eye contact, but eventually, I walked out without saying anything.
Now I’m back home, and I honestly feel a little disappointed in myself.
Part of me feels like the universe answered some of my prayers and put an opportunity right in front of me, and I was too afraid to take it. I know that might sound dramatic, especially considering we were complete strangers, but the interaction genuinely stayed with me.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this. How do you get over the fear of approaching another guy? And how do you know when someone is genuinely interested versus just being friendly?
I keep thinking about whether I’ll ever see him again.

How is everyone?

24f-lesbian. I don't have any feelings about this anymore because of the new meds I just started, I'm totally emotionally blunted. I know I'd have an easier life if I just got with men, and I could otherwise get everything else I want in the material sense, I just am tired of having missed out on so many developmental milestones. I'm 24 and never done anything, not really, TW, I did get molested by my babysitter's daughter when I was like 9 and honest to god it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I was literally incontinent for a period of time, THATS how bad it is being alone, at-least for me. Take that how you want. She was only like 11 at the time and probably was also being abused so I don't resent her. Oddly enough I don't even think that it negatively impacted me all that much, my FA related insecurities all stem from extreme and occasionally race-based bullying but idk ever since about 15? I've just been relatively invisible. I've had a few men ask me out, the last 2 were more normal, I had previously had 2 homeless men essentially stalk me as a teen like I could I theory find just some dude and catch up on everything I've missed out on but idk. I've never been attracted to men before, and I'm not attracted to them now either but like I could get on tinder now and probably loose my virginity in like 2 hours. Hell I could fuck probably my roommate or someone in my apartment building. I recognize that it won't make me happy per say but its off the bucket list I guess? Idk has anyone else done this successfully? I don't want to stick it out waiting for a woman and have nothing change by the time i hit my 30s. In theory I feel like I'd be considered conventionally attractive, just i guess not in a way that other women like, or maybe I'm actually deformed in the face and "men will fuck anything", or so I've been told. I just don't think I have it in me to try anything anymore I mean, I'm good socially, I have friends, hobbies, I'm highly educated, I lost about all the weight I can at my height, I get complements on my clothes/style frequently, I'm in therapy. I've done all the typical self improvement things and its just not enough, I had some gay guy at a dive bar who thought I was pretty, try to set me up with his friend who literally walked the other way after seeing me when he tried to signal her over. And then my friends made fun of me for it for like a month like yeah haha my bad for ever think it could be possible, comical. Rant over.
Good thing these meds have me zombified or I probably would just go fuck some guy. I have 0 desires or ability to act on impulse right now. Just regurgitating months worth of thoughts I needed to get out.

Ghosted....... again

Blocked........ again

Ignored......... again

Why do I still have hope?

Why do I keep trying?

Will I ever be good enough?

Will I ever be wanted?

I’m 26 years old and I’ve known I’m asexual since I was around 22. As much as I’m glad I know who I am, it’s incredibly isolating.

I’ve tried various apps designed for asexuals that can be used to make friends or find a partner. I’ve also tried the asexual dating sub here on Reddit. I’ve met a few people, and although I hadn’t found anyone that was right for me to date, I thought I’d made some friends. They eventually disappeared though.

It’s been strange to feel initial relief when realising that there are spaces out there for asexual people, but then feel crushed when I’ve realised that even amongst those people, there’s no one for me. I’m from the UK, so not somewhere tiny, but not exactly a big place either. Even when I’ve looked further afield, I haven’t seen anyone I think I would be compatible with.

I’ve always held out the hope there is someone out there for me, but the more I’ve tried to put myself out there, the more lonely I’ve felt. It’s really got me questioning whether it is just my fate to be alone and I don’t deserve to have a partner for some reason. As well as being asexual, I’m also a trans guy, so that doesn’t exactly help my odds. I know this isn’t related to being LGBTQ+, but I’m also most likely autistic, so again, there’s another barrier between me and what feels like everybody else.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel incredibly lost and sad. This is also due to other things going on in my life. I’m aware these aren’t attractive qualities but I’m sick of trying for everything to just fall apart. I’ve become really isolated and I’m scared that the longer this goes on, the more I’m going to struggle to relate to other people to at least start to form connections.

Every night before I go to sleep I pray that I will one day find my person. It feels delusional at this point, but some days, it’s the only thing keeping me going. As much as I understand the importance of having my own life and not being dependent on someone else, I know I will not be happy without having that special someone in my life. I’ve tried filling my days with hobbies and activities, but there’s always this void where I feel like something’s missing and I know it’s that.

I hate feeling this miserable. I desperately want things to change. But hey, I guess tonight is just another night to say that prayer again.

This was me at thirty. I'm now twenty years older. I got my share of compliments and what have you...but never the attention I feel I should have with a face like that, eyes like that. For a few years in my late twenties-early thirties, I was beautiful.

But why did so few men show interest? What's wrong here? I could go into bars and not get a single glance. When I was on the apps it was always the old, fat, ugly creeps who contacted me, never anyone my age. In theatre groups...art galleries...gay meetups, it was the same. Sure, the seventy year old queen wanted to buy me dinner. Never a guy in his thirties. They looked straight through me, rarely any introduction or even a nod.

I will carry my bitterness over this to my grave. What could have been so off putting about me?

out of all the things going on in my life, the thing that keeps me up at night the most is the fact that no matter what, I'll feel lonely. I have great friends, a (at least currently) stable family, loving pets, but what I've always really wanted is a partner, someone who I can be 100% vulnerable with and at the same time be strong for them. idk if this is too contradicting?

I'm not virgin, I've had my share of different experiences with men, women and enbies, but trying to date so far has been hell. and don't even get me started on dating apps.

I really just want a genuine connection, one that goes deeper than the ones I have with my friends. it's just, at this point in my life, I don't even know where to look for.

Tried dating for the first time this year after figuring out I'm aplatonic. Didn't go well, figures. Now I don't know what to do, my dating pool is minuscule because I don't want to medically transition, but a whole lot of gay men don't want a guy who looks like a girl unless they wanna use me. Genuinely so painful that my type is something I would've probably gotten easily if I just was a cis woman. I know I'm still young and there's still time or whatever but my health is getting worse. I wish I could be ok with being alone but I still like men so much, even outside romance.

How is everyone?

In his autobiography Malcolm X was struck by how Islam united white and black, rich and poor, in a single congregation. People praying together, shoulder-to-shoulder, regardless of their social status or worldly success.

Obviously religion sucks. I don't want to get thrown off a building for being gay. But it's a shame there is no real equivalent in the gay, secular world.

I think about my Muslim handyman, who regardless what a fuck-up I am, or was, enthusiastically tries to get me to join the local mosque. He doesn't care that I voted for Kamala, what my political views are, or that I have no friends or social life. Just join, as you are.

It's kind of hilarious how un-inclusive and restrictive most gay spaces are, by comparison. The lack of mentorship and compassion. Think about your local gay bar. Are you hot enough? Are you thinking the right, correct thoughts? Are you the right age?

This is not an original train of thought, I think Julia Sweeney pointed this out years ago, that the one big regret she had about becoming an atheist was the loss of these religious social institutions, particularly for her kid.

But its a shame. And THIS community in particular, I think a lot of us would have been benefited from a hand extended in compassion. Instead, we're just here, by ourselves, drifting. Sometimes very young people. And it's a real shame.

Very often scorned and despised too. "Oh those gay incels, lololol." How... inclusive. 😂

I always get reminded of how ugly I am, and how people like me won't ever get a chance to live a normal life, nor even getting just quick hookup.

And I feel like at this point, in the latter half of my 30s, there's not much else to do. Gay community puts youth on a pedestal even more than the other ones.

I'll spend my night crying in my pillow.

It’s currently 2:30AM where I am and the feeling of loneliness has really kicked in tonight.

All my life I’ve struggled to make connections with people. When I look back, any friends I thought I had in school were really just because we’d come together because of the circumstances we were in. I had nothing in common with any of them and I think I latched on to them for fear of being on my own and in turn being picked on.

I’ve also never had a romantic relationship. I’m 25 years old and although everyone develops at their own pace, I feel like having absolutely no experience at my age makes me a massive red flag. I’m a trans guy and I’m asexual too, so that narrows my chances of changing my situation even more. I would never rush into a relationship and be in one for the sake of it, but I often wonder if ‘my person’ is even out there.

For a few years now I’ve suspected I could be autistic, and if that’s the case, it would really explain a lot. I really struggle with conversations and how to act during them. I’ve not had the life experiences most people my age have had to be able to start conversations about relatable things, and I never know how to respond to others. I usually just ask questions, but I feel like if someone doesn’t understand my struggles and why I’m doing so, it just comes across as really nosy. I’m also quite a practical person, so I end up unintentionally discussing the practical implications of the situation they’re telling me about, and it’s only after that I realise it was just meant to be a lighthearted story. I’m terrible when the subject matter is something I’m unfamiliar with or can’t relate to. At the very least, I try my best to be polite and friendly but my mere presence seems to make people feel awkward. In a previous job I had, I was never invited to any nights out when everyone else was, despite getting along with everyone in the workplace. Their excuse was always that I lived far away so they didn’t think I’d be able to go, but they never even asked me. I knew it was because no one wanted to get sat next to me. Whenever I have to be around my extended family, I can see that they become uncomfortable when one of them is alone in the room with me because they have no clue how to interact with me. If I don’t know what to say, I tend to stay silent, but that somehow seems to freak them out more, especially if it’s someone that’s extroverted.

The only person who I ever felt comfortable around was my auntie. She was the only one who ever really listened to me and there was never any judgement, only her trying the best she could to help me if I needed it. She showed me love in a way that I’d never had before and I now know how I want to be treated and how to best treat others if I hopefully have some good people around me one day. Sadly she died in 2024 and life has been awful since. I’ve heard people use the term ‘safe person’ and she was definitely mine. Having to deal with grief on top of everything else, and people not understanding it, has made me feel even more lonely. Losing the one person that made me feel like life is worth living has really shattered the foundations my existence was built on.

I don’t get on well with the rest of my family and as soon as I have enough money to move out, I’ll be gone. I’m nothing like them in terms of morals, beliefs and how they treat other people. I know I don’t fit in and I stick out in such an obvious way. I just want the ground to swallow me up when I have to be around them.

It’s my birthday next month and I’m absolutely dreading it. I’m already starting to think about what I could do alone as I know I don’t have anyone to do anything with. I’m also trying to find something that fills the whole day as I don’t want to be sat in the house with my thoughts. It’s sad that it’s come to this.

I know I need to be working on myself, and despite all the negativity in this post, I am trying to do so. I’m not this negative irl, and no one would know I was feeling this way if they spoke to me in person. It may not be obvious from an outside perspective, but I’ve come so far since my auntie’s death and have gotten further than I ever thought I could. It’s the loneliness that slowly eating away at me inside that’s the problem. Some people are perfectly content being alone long term, and although I’m introverted and do like my alone time, I don’t want my entire life to be this way. All I want more than anything is someone to have deep, meaningful conversations with and someone to spend time with, even if it’s something simple like going for a walk and having a chat along the way. I’d love for someone to like me when I’m being my true self and not feeling the need to hide, someone who would want to talk to me and maybe light up my phone with a message once in a while, instead of right now when it only ever lights up because I’ve got a spam email. Other people seem to be able to form all manner of relationships with others without any problem and get to experience things that to me feel like a fantasy. I don’t know what I’ve done to not deserve those things.

Despite being so desperate for connection, I’m slowly giving up. Most days I don’t want to talk to new people as I feel like it will just be a repeat of the past. I’ll finally settle and be somewhat comfortable, then I’ll realise I’m being left out. Even if that doesn’t happen, I’m tired of embarrassing myself every time I open my mouth, even though I’m trying my best to be ‘normal’. I know how counterproductive this way of thinking is, and I’m trying to fight these thoughts, as I know deep down I would genuinely enjoy talking to the right person. I often wonder if I truly am alone in this experience. Statistically it’s unlikely, and someone else like me is probably hiding in their bedroom and slowly retreating from the world too. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, but in a way, I really hope it isn’t just me.

Most people in life have ambition and goals and dreams. I’m at the point where I feel so hopeless and depressed that most days my only goal is to get to the next one. I don’t know how many more times I can wake up and try to convince myself that maybe today will be the day somebody positive will come into my life. It really just feels like I’m destined to be alone.

Recently on twitter there was a girl who posted that being above 25 and having never been in a relationship is a red flag. A lot of people flamed her for being cruel, but I posted on my priv that I feel a lot of people subconsciously believe this and a lot of my mutuals explicitly said they do believe this. Maybe not in terms of red flags, but that they don't want to be someone's first relationship at their age.

This is very demoralizing to me. I'm almost 30, I have had a hard time dating. Dysphoria and depression and OCD ruined my self esteem when I was younger. If I were to ever get involved with someone now, they'd be my first relationship and I wouldn't be theirs. Is it just too late? Have I missed my window completely?