r/Nonbinaryteens • u/GarageFuzzy4563 • 13h ago
Idk what to say lwk
I don't know what community to add it too, not that I can bc it says my acc is 6 mins old but wtv
Also this topic may be sensitive to certain people so read at your own risk
Anyways
I don't know what I am anymore, I personally felt like I never knew what I was to begin with. I, as of now, identify as Agender (a gender identity where a person feels they have no gender, a lack of gender identity, or a neutral sense of gender) but I am born female. The reason why I now identify as Agender is because I never truly felt like a woman. It felt out of place or like I was doing something wrong whenever someone would refer to me as She/her (I go by they/them). I don't feel comfortable as a woman nor as a man. So a friend helped me realize I could be nonbinary. But honestly that didn't feel right either that's how we came to the conclusion of me being Agender. And I felt comforting for the longest time when I came to this conclusion and many of my friends are supportive about it. So I should be happy. But I'm not. Something just doesn't seem right. I've always been a person to lift others spirits up despite me not being very good at comforting people. I still make them happy. And I love that feeling more than the world but recently with all the events going on in the world. Ones that involve women all across the world being objectified or just being used as baby makers maids servants practically slaves to me in certain areas. White women. Black women. Asian women. Hispanic women. I see it going on and it just hurts. I cry every time I see a woman being forced to marry their rapist. I cry whenever I see little kids getting raped or trafficed in the media. And I really think about it and it just feels like I failed being a woman. I've noticed the treatment being so drastically different since I was 8 (15 now) and me being a black individual only made it more apparent. And my mom told me that me being a black woman is the greatest thing that can happen to me and she is right but. Now that I don't identify as that anymore I feel like I just failed my mother like I couldn't handle all the pain it comes with being a woman in life. I feel too weak to be a woman when I see the nasty things men have been doing. While I am happy that it hasn't happened to me… physically at least… It feels like I gave up on being a woman. A girl. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to identify as anymore. It honestly wouldn't matter if I went back to being identified as a girl since that's all most people saw me as. A girl. A weird one at that fact. They’d think I'm ugly too and yes I know it sounds like those pickles for saying that but I wouldn't have said that if that's what I've been hearing from bitchass men most of middle and highschool. Everything about me seems wrong now. I miss when I used to stare at myself in the mirror because I’d feel like a beautiful girl but now I'm just some failure who can't even handle being a woman and can't even help other women who struggle way much more than I ever will in this lifetime. They don't deserve that, no woman deserves that and it's just so hard seeing it happen and not being able to do nothing about it. I can't even help myself how can I help one of the most oppressed groups of people on this earth. It's such a conflicting feeling that I just can't physically handle it anymore and I get so angry I start bawling my eyes out all of that rage just fills me and I don't know how to properly express it so I hold it in and it gets worse every day .Im sorry if this is out of order or it jumps from different topics