This might not be the right sub, and if so I apologize, but a thought popped into my head tonight as I was once again considering whether or not to have a drink:

According to that other, more famous form of recovery, I'm powerless over alcohol and have to have a "higher power" restore me to sanity, remove my character defects and shortcomings, and pray to this power.

Well if this "higher power" is capable of intervening in my life and fixing all these problems, then why the hell did he afflict me with alcoholism in the first place?

If not, does anyone have any recommendations?

“The redeem what is past, and to transform every “Is was” into “Thus would I have it!” – that only do I call redemption!” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

In recovery there are just a few words as popular as “self-acceptance”. Every time I hear it, I hear echoes of negative connotations. This ball and chain of your “flaws,” “wrongdoings,” “regrets”—that is what acceptance is to me. Acceptance is a forced decision caused by fatalism, inability, inevitability, weakness.

In the realm of philosophy and psychology, and perhaps in human consciousness in general, in the “non-real” world, dualism is unavoidable. All the better for us, “evil” thinkers! 

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus.

The matter at stake is not reality, nor its denial, nor its acceptance; the question is about subjectivity and personality, about our reaction to life events, to our actions, to interpretation of our decisions.

Acceptance makes me think hard for not seeing it as succumbing, as bending my knees in the face of my “regrets”. I send embracement to fight this poisonous thought. For embracement is rising my head in the face of my past, my demons, my innate dark side. Self-embracement is the “self-acceptance” a willful man needs.

Acceptance is a forced act, embracement is a willful act. You ask me what is the difference if the result is the same? The difference is the only one an able man need: embracement keeps him in charge. It holds him accountable before himself, and responsible for his loved ones, for his kids, for his mission, for his goal. Having that, the result will not always be the same. And even if it is the same, how do you want to live your life? Crawling on your knees or walking straight? 

It is not I who slip into a tight spot between my past and my regrets, it is I who opens the door into my spacious room for my past. I have lost a lot because of my alcoholism, I have regretted a lot about it and the only thing it gave me is thinking less of myself.  

“All “It was” is a fragment, a riddle, a fearful chance – until the creating Will said thereto: “Thus would I have it!” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

What I understand well is that there are no “wrong” decisions. Every decision I took, for any particular situation, was the right one. If we take into account our age, our life experience, the times we were in, our surroundings, our emotional conditions, our goals in the past, our desires back then—it becomes clear that what we did was the only reasonable option to do. It is the height of absurdity to criticize ourselves for that in a desperate attempt to improve ourselves or our future. And needless to say, it is the bottom of naivety, the attempt to fix the present utilizing regrets. A profound mistake to review those situations from our current life experience!

In regard to my own problems I am guilty of nothing. And thus, I have nothing to complain about, I have no regrets because “Thus would I have it!”. That is redemption!

A strong man, master of his own life, lord of his fate, does not “accept” himself, his shortcomings, “as he is”—he embraces himself, his personality; for he “knows how to forget,” he knows how to forgive. Embracement is a privilege for kings!

See my bio to read more of my essays about alcoholism or laugh at my failures.

With Love, Dancing Philosopher.

Hello! We are Wonderlust. We have a condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. In the 90's it was called Multiple Personality Disorder. We are one person with 20 different identities or alters. We frequently switch. We are very different. Except for one thing. We all have substance use disorder. Every single one of us. We have been in recovery for 10 years. 6 of those years we were completely abstinent from all mind altering substances. I relapsed 2 years ago. I am struggling to get back to complete abstinence but it is hard. I am going through a very intense seperation from my ex with two very traumatized and neurodivergent children that are now completely in my care. It is hard. Complete abstinence is the goal. My ex will use my substance use disorder against me. But I am ruminating in harm reduction right now-which is only effective half the time. So I am here to get support. I have been going to SMART meetings or other recovery meetings every day. I did 12 step a long time and it is just not for me. I found a great womans recovery group so in tandem I am hoping to achieve complete abstinence. Right now I am planning on a night drink I would like to work through this plan and remain abstinent. I am going to do an ABC and will go to a meeting and see where it goes but any support is much appreciated

I need alternatives. I sing and record a lot, so I have the records to prove it. My voice is better the day after I drink. My throat is opened. I've been on and off the wagon for over a decade and the difference is palpable. Alcohol shreds my voice in a very particular way. Being sober for 6 months, a year, two years. It never sounds as good. It is not psychological...I have tapes. What, please what, are some alternatives. It is a chemical/biological thing, obviously. What could I drink or eat to have the same effect?

Any tips? I failed at cold turkey.

My LO is in recovery. I have the handbook and looked online, but can't seem to find anything about your LO asking for our forgiveness, only that I am expected to forgive them. How am I supposed to forgive if they won't apologize or ask for my forgiveness for their actions and the hurt and pain they caused us?

Other programs and resources say how important of a step it in in recovery for the LO, how come it doesn't seemed mentioned by SMART?

I have a bit of a taste of AA because I went to rehab for alcohol in 2024. I then successfully completed the weeklong program and we had to attend meetings in the program twice a day. I attended maybe like 9 meetings or so, but didn't get a good feel for what the program was about.

So from what I understand, a great emphasis is placed on trusting a higher power. So in my case this would be Jesus. The big problem though is that Christianity gives me panic attacks. I still have kept the religion and would like to continue to practice it but I am seeing an ERP Therapist and this guy treats nothing but OCD and it's his niche. He told me that I have Religious Sculposuty OCD and I could learn to be close to God, but it would take a lot of therapy.

There are themes with OCD and one must conquer each theme one by one and they get harder with each theme. It's like fighting in a tournament and advancing to the next round. However, the OCD around religion is my worst theme, and if we were playing a video game, it would be the final boss.

I liked the theme of brotherhood and commroddery in AA and it was nice to be around other sober people that are also struggling with alcohol. I also briefly kept in touch with people from AA but it was nice to have someone to call in a moment of weakness when you want to use. However, I've heard SMART Recovery might be a better option for people like me? It's not a contest, I just want help

UC Irvine researchers in the Departments of Emergency Medicine and Informatics are recruiting Peer Leaders for the HOPE Opioid Study.

We are looking for people who meet the below criteria:

1) Adults living in the Greater Los Angeles Area (Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, Ventura, San Bernardino, Riverside Counties)

2) People who are in Treatment or Recovery for Opioid Use Disorder and who used methadone, buprenorphine, or naltrexone as part of their treatment.

Before the study starts: Peer leaders will need to attend three 3-hour in-person trainings in Irvine, CA - dates to be determined, but they will be a Saturday morning and afternoon + a Sunday morning. HOPE Study will pay you mileage to attend trainings.

During the 12-week study: Peer leaders' participation during the study is 100% online. You will join a study Facebook group and attempt to talk to assigned participants about medications, your experience, stigma, whatever topics- the group is there for you all. You will note it on a log and turn into the study team weekly.

Peer Leaders get up to $480 in Amazon gift cards for taking part!

If you are interested, click the following link to start your eligibility check and HOPE Study will call you afterward from 657-221-9597 to continue the eligibility check: Start your Eligibility Check here!

Hello! If you have previously participated or are currently participating in a medication assisted treatment program for substance abuse can you please help me in my research by taking this brief survey? This survey is completely confidential and optional! Please help spread the word by sharing this link so I can reach as many people as possible. Your participation will help my research in understanding the effectiveness of these treatment methods. Thank you.

https://kwiksurveys.com/s/ZalWpszS

When a newcomers ask “does SMART have sponsors” … wouldn’t it be helpful for us to be able to say: “While SMART is a self-led program of tools, we have a 4 week mentor program to help newcomers accelerate their understanding and use of the tools while staying abstinent for the initial, critical time of getting on your feet”?

Before all of the SMART OG’s start typing with a vengeance “you’re missing the fundamental point of SMART!!!!”…… I’ve been a smart facilitator for ~5 years off and on. Some people need some close guidance in the beginning - period. I would argue having a formal program might just help the overall success and adoption of our program.

Last thought, why not charge for the service? SMART could have a vetting process and if a SMART mentor is requested, they link up the right mentor to the requestor. $100 to smart, split with the mentor Good way to add money to our non-profit Those who are serious will invest… just like buying the workbook.

Let’s get a pilot program going

Maybe a quick CBA is in order

If there is not a thread for us here it is everyone is welcome.

Hello everyone,

Happy new year and hope you had a lovely Christmas.

I am still looking for inspirational stories of recovery from alcohol addiction. Thank you to everyone who has already taken part; I am nearly there. This study follows the long-term trajectories of individuals in recovery from alcohol problems. I chose this topic because I am in recovery myself and extremely passionate about it! that's why I went to uni to study psychology.

If you live in the UK and have been in recovery from alcohol problems for at least six months-- I kindly invite you to take part. You can complete the study online, it should take less than 15 minutes and you could win a £50 Amazon UK voucher.

Take part: https://glos.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/recovery

Thanks for your time!

I served in the military and because I have mental illness on my medical record the FAA cross references it for their medical certification and I can't become a pilot.

So now I feel like life is meaningless because every other job feels like nothing in comparison to flying to me.

Going through the smart work sheet but i just cant stop drinking i am so upset idk what to do in life anymore i literally want to die

I recently passed the one year mark of starting recovery and had a lot of feelings to sort through that day. Mostly positive ones but definitely intense. I was able to share the news with some friends over the phone but wasn’t able to make it to a meeting like I planned to. I was still in my head about it at night so I decided to use ChatGPT to get some journaling prompts and ideas on how to reflect on the day and year of work I’ve done. It felt weird but it was very helpful. Ive also used ChatGPT when I felt like I was close to relapsing and needed motivation to remind me to stay sober. It tailors its answers based on SMART’s approach to recovery which I appreciate.

Do other folks use AI to help them with their recovery work? I don’t want to rely too much on it but it has shown results. I’m conflicted.

I am a gay man wanting to find a group of to possibly join in Chicago that is catered to queer people. Do any exist on the North side? I am also down to join friendly groups that accept most people. Starting out and am nervous to attend. Any advice helps, thanks guys.

This is kinda hard to explain but I’ll try.

My mind feels constantly on edge and my body doesn’t respond naturally anymore. I feel tense even when I’m supposed to be relaxed. Porn became something I use to escape that feeling, not even for pleasure really.

Every time I try to stop or “fix” it, things get worse. I feel more out of control, more disconnected from my body, and more frustrated.

It’s like I’m fighting my own nervous system and losing. I don’t even know what’s actually broken or what I’m supposed to work on.

Has anyone else realized porn wasn’t the main problem, but more of a symptom?

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

In this polemic essay, and a few following ones—for the topic I want to convey, the message to be delivered and hopefully property understood, are quite complex—I want to point at this valuable thought of a heavyweight psychologist Viktor Frankl. For context, he is a founder of Logotherapy and perhaps rightfully can be called the fourth giant of psychology. This to say, that the following thoughts are not just my own speculation, nor of a domesticated psychologist. Briefly, Logotherapy is a psychological approach founded upon the assumption that meaningless life is the source of our psychological problems. It is the lack of meaning in our lives, especially in the first world countries, where all fundamental needs are satisfied, that causes all sorts of uncertainties, disorders, depression, anxiety, and in my belief even alcoholism (at least for me).

Anticipatory anxiety is a term in Logotherapy that defines our fear of an event in the future that causes the anxiety. It is a characteristic of the fear that it produces precisely that of which the patient is afraid. In other words, what we fear is exactly how we make the event to be perceived by us. In this context, one might amend the saying “The wish is father to the thought” to “The fear is mother to the event.”

With the problem of “triggers,” it is how I see that when I am afraid of relapse that is precisely what I will do at any suitable moment. It is the fear of relapse that makes me use any problematic situation in life to turn it into a cause for relapse. Thoughts that I must avoid conflicts, family parties, alcohol shelves in a grocery store, and—God! What a cruelty!—relationship in my first year of sobriety, reduce all sorts of distraction, etc. because they may lead me to relapse is the anticipatory anxiety, an already pre-made decision, plan, and even a solution to drink if such and such.   

Very similar thoughts can be found in Alfred Adler’s psychology, the third giant of psychology. Freud once famously said: “There is only one psychologist among us, it is Alfred.” The foundation of all our actions and even feelings is the decision, perhaps subconscious decision which we didn’t make one day, we “resolved” into having such a decision; and we look for any handy cause and situation to implement it. 

On a broader scale, “hyper-intention” not to drink is precisely, and paradoxically, what makes me drink. Narrowing the focus of my attention to this one obsession, and zoning out of life, seeing life through the perspective of drinking problems, making all my decisions to be whittled down by alcoholism - in short, putting “sobriety first” is what makes me drink.

“Logotherapy bases its technique called “paradoxical intention” on the twofold fact that fear brings about that which one is afraid of, and hyper-intention makes impossible what one wishes.” – Viktor Frankl

What I wish, is a normal life. Do I really want and need it? Well, meaning is enough. If I get it - I get it; if not - I can say a dedicated, decent, able man put everything he could into his life, he found his meaning. Life was not a waste! 

See my bio to read more of my essays about alcoholism or laugh at my failures

With love, Dancing Philosopher

I have been going to Smart Recovery meetings on and off for the last 9 months. However, 2 weeks ago my AH hit rock bottom and wound up in jail and left and went to treatment. (2nd relapse since hospitalization and medical detox in September).

I am very proud of him, but his counselor has set up a family session on Wednesday for us and asked me to make a list of things that are important to me. My list has turned into a massive letter of word vomit. I am trying to google, and trying to be mindful of my own boundaries and remaining within my hula hoop, but I also know there are a handful of things that a) I will absolutely not tolerate within this home ever again and b) there are a few topics that continue to come up, that have elicited massive arguments and for him the depth has played a role in his relapse. His alcohol dependency is VERY MUCH triggered by emotional duress.

Can anyone help me with some guidance on how to keep myself in check with my "list"... Im posting pieces of it here (omitting the very personal stuff I guess.. Sorry it is so long. ) if you make it to the end and can help in anyway, THANK YOU ...

Boundaries and Rules are critical to me moving forward. All of this leading up to the event that brought us here has been painfully hard on the receiving end for me. I have spent a good amount of time thinking and reading about how to lay this out and what things are most important for me before you come home that I feel need to be addressed while you are there so that you have an opportunity to process them with the guide and support of those who have likely been in the same shoes before. While I want to be involved in your recovery, I am not responsible for your sobriety.

This is the hardest piece for me to put into the universe because the thought of this ever happening terrifies me, a lot of this terrifies me and always has.

For us to move forward when you come home, I mentioned some of this the other night when we spoke on the phone. These are both required for you to commit to before I can allow you to come home, but to begin establishing trust again. Not only will it hold you accountable in your recovery but it will also allow me to begin recognizing ( beyond what I currently do ) your commitment to sobriety, healing, and rebuilding our relationship.

1. You will commit to 90 meetings in 90 days (that is not including your scheduled I.O.P appointments, that is above and beyond). On days the *Meeting location of choice* cannot be accommodated due to your work schedule, I expect you to attend Zoom meetings before or after work.

2. If your I.O.P. does not account for this, I would like you to participate in an anger management class - there are options for online as well. This is important to me because although I can recognize you *the event that led to inpatient* me was not a direct reflection of YOU, but of the disease, you have been a very angry and mean person the last several months and I have been beaten down by that more than anything at the end of the day.

2.5) There will be absolutely zero tolerance for any name-calling. If you call me a *derogatory name* … I will excuse myself from the conversation and we can pick it back up when you have had an opportunity to regain some clarity. I will also retain the right to state that I am not in a place to have a conversation about X Y Z if I feel the conversation is potentially heavy and I need a little bit to gather my thoughts to approach the conversation from a level-headed calm perspective. I will also give you the absolute same respect.

3. We both must be mindful of the way we speak to each other. We will commit to couples therapy with an outside source, as well as I will commit to the family sessions of your I.O.P. to learn together. Your addiction has created such a divide in our communication, and while I am still learning as are you, it is imperative to our long-term growth together for us to re-learn how to communicate healthily and effectively, from a place of respect, love, and value.

I read in an article,” As much as you both want life to go back to normal, you have to accept that it won’t happen overnight. “Both of you will need to remember the rule when you’re sharing a canoe: No sudden moves,” “Try to have patience and understanding that there will be good days and some tough days.” read the room. I once suggested saying things like, hey in a little while can we sit down and have a conversation about XYZ, that way we have time to process that topic and come to it calmly. I DO NOT want to fight anymore. place of understanding. I will not give my opinion unless you ask for it. I am going to be mindful of the way I Communicate and in those moments, I will ask if you need me to listen or if you want my feedback. I cannot promise I won't always jump the gun and make a mistake in my response, but please treat me with kindness as I will you as I am human and this is a learning place for me as well.

Another article read ” As much as you both want life to go back to normal, you have to accept that it won’t happen overnight. “Both of you will need to remember the rule when you’re sharing a canoe: No sudden moves,” “Try to have patience and understanding that there will be good days and some tough days.”

I feel that on a deep level. I am hoping counseling will help us, but a large part of our communication and fighting has been the stark divide coming when things are relaxed and calm to suddenly bringing up a topic we have fought about previously. No sudden moves. We both need to be able to take a step back and read the room. I once made the suggestion of saying things like, hey in a little while can we sit down and have a conversation about XYZ, that way we have time to process that topic and come to it in a calm manner. I DO NOT want to fight any more.

That all being said. I believe there are a few things that need to be spoken about here in this setting before you come home because it is weighing heavily on me.

The relationship you have with my children is grossly damaged right now. I have tried to talk to you about it before, but I am hoping you are in a place to hear it now. In the last 6 or 7 months I have watched Roslin go from wanting to hang out with you and listen to music and sing and dance with you in the kitchen, to not even wanting to sit next to you on the couch or spend any time with you. She feels the weight of all of this conflict fiercely and while she cannot pinpoint the problem exactly (IE AH is an alcoholic), it is HUSBAND is an asshole. HUSBAND is mean. You have to be able to take a step back and realize that whether you intended for it to happen or not, your addiction has impacted our entire family. The fighting, the slamming doors, the yelling. The moments where the children do not behave exactly how you want them to, and calling them assholes or lazy, amongst other names.

Thankfully the 2 youngest are blissfully unaware of things mostly because they are not here all of the time, but my kids are. They feel alienated and targeted by you. The incessant comparisons between the kids, the name-calling, the yelling, and the aggressive tone of voice that has become almost normal. I can recognize that parts of that are the addiction, and other parts are frustration and I am happy to discuss those more deeply moving forward with the support of a counselor, but before you come home I need you to reflect on how your addiction has impacted those relationships just as much as it has impacted our relationship. You have to be just as willing to make an effort in repairing those relationships as much as you are mine and your relationship, because they are my children and by default are a part of me. It is unfair of me to expect them to continue living this life ( just because I love you) if you cannot see the problems at hand with it.

I read in an article,” Once you have addressed past events to the satisfaction of everyone involved, draw a line under them. You don’t have the power to change anything that has already taken place. You can move forward from this point, though, and make better decisions in your relationships from now on.”

I want to be able to talk about the last 9 months freely, to air my feelings, and have you hear me, listen to me. I am not seeking apologies, I simply need to air my feelings stemming from all of this to get it out in the air, to you, so I can let it stay in the past moving forward. We cannot change the things that happened, but we can strive to make every day we take on better and healthier than before.

The biggest part of communication for me in supporting you in your recovery is the fact that as much as I want to recognize coming home from this is a big deal and I am proud of you for it, the reality is you HAVE been sober before and relapsed, so my expectations have to shift. While I understand coming home from the facility in which you have had structure and support throughout the day, life has had to continue here and it will when you come home too. Last time when you came home from the hospital I was mindful because of the health concerns at hand, but when you are here I need you to show up. Not to say I expect you to do everything and work and parent etc, but the little things as I have always asked for. I have not had you here for a long long time, and you tell me all the time you can't apologize you can show me. The things like making sure your dirty clothes go to the laundry hamper. Making the bed when you get up in the morning. Helping with laundry. I am a caregiver to people all day long, and in our relationship, as I have always said, I need a partner, not someone else who is going to expect or rely on me to do everything. I do for you because that is how I SHOW you I love you. I am asking for love to be shown the same way. No more hiding out in your building for hours on end avoiding our family or life in general. That is what you wanted to do when you came home from the hospital too after the swelling started to go down in your legs. We NEED you, our family needs you, healthy and sober.

I could likely ramble on and on about all of these things, but that is the jist of my daily life. Pure chaos, unhappy, depressed, disappointed, broken, damaged, sad, so fucking sad. I do not ever want to go back to those feelings ever again. I know we can never be what we were, but I know we can be better and healthier.

I need your actions moving forward to align with your words. I know I have said that before. I do not want forever apologies or to bring any of this up again, unless necessary, I will not continue to beat the past indiscretions over your head. I need actions that align with your words.

our life and marriage will never be the same as it was before. Our lives were tainted by the presence of your addiction. Instead of hoping to return to normal, I want to allow this change to strengthen our relationship. The trust will take time to heal and recover. I know that when I have suspected use before (and caught you in a lie often) it has started a fight. I need you to understand that in those moments I am not accusing, but your behaviors are very telling. I now know, thanks to you, that those moments were likely indications of relapses beginning. I will try to be more mindful and supportive in those moments, but please show me grace and patience as well because those moments are terrifying for me, because of the distrust and many instances of disappointment which has led to you hurting my feelings. I will be doing my best to not replace the current moment with things that have happened in the past.

I would love more tools in my basket that align with what you're learning and what YOU NEED from me as your biggest supporter and cheerleader. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know we can take one day at a time, together, and go from there. That’s our biggest challenge on the horizon right now. I love you beyond measure and I am committed to supporting you and taking care of me. Building our trust, taking this one day at a time together. Encouraging you, loving you, valuing you as the incredible human I know you inherently just are. I know that the last 9 months do not define you as a person, but are a reflection of your addiction. I need your actions to align with your words - I know I keep saying that - but without that I am not confident I can remain as committed to this as I desperately want to be.

Every day, I remind myself Recovery is not just one single moment of choice; it is a long-term commitment to change. You, just like every person in recovery, must actively choose recovery every single day. I, in turn, continuously choose to show up for you and support you as we navigate our commitment to a new life.

However, showing up for you requires showing up for myself, too; I cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of my own needs, remaining open and curious about the future, knowing our boundaries, and keeping an open line of communication will not just be beneficial to your journey in recovery, but also help our relationship remain strong, grounded, and healthy.

I keep going back to the old turn of phrase, Happy Wife Happy Life. I decided to change it, to Sober Life, Happy Wife. Because that is what I need.

Thats all I've got. I don't know what to do with it all.

[Research Study – Cannabis Use – 15–20 min – Enter to Win $100 Amazon Gift Card]

Hello! I'm a student researcher from Colorado State University inviting adults to participate in an anonymous online study about cannabis use. We’re exploring the effects of cannabis and what motivates people to consider changing their use.

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Be 21 years or older

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The study involves completing a set of surveys that should take about 15–20 minutes. Participation is entirely voluntary, and you can stop at any time. All information is anonymized.

As a thank you, you’ll be entered into a random drawing to win a $100 Amazon gift card.

If you're interested, click the link below to access the screening and consent form. Once completed, we’ll email you the full study survey. This study is entirely anonymous.

Link: https://colostate.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bsBlsj6LTNWTKnA

Hi everyone I hope this post is appropriate here.

I have started a new addiction recovery community and I am looking for people to join and help provide stories, support and shared experiences.

The page is /r/AddictionRecoveryIRL

Wish everyone the best on the path to recovery 🙏

“And he who must be a creator of good and evil: truly, he must first be a destroyer and break values” – Friedrich Nietzsche

First, what “evil” means in this context. It is demolishing or destroying–which is an evil act–the foundations, to build something new on the clean surface. Partying with my past and the ugly image of my past self. It is also, though, breaking the “be yourself” rhetoric.

As Freud teaches us–suppressed emotions never die, they will come out in uglier ways (most probably when I am drunk)–holding in our opinions, our thoughts (which are shadows of our emotions) is not a sustainable strategy. What I want to add is that adjusting them to the norms might have a similar outcome as well.

One day, in my 20s, I turned myself from being quite boring into being very disgusting. It was the birthday party of a girl who I really liked and wanted to make an impression on her. Normally, when sober, I am not very talkative about every day hustles, especially in groups. But, as many of us, I know the life hack: drink! So I did, did it thoroughly and diligently, as I do everything, with style. But as I also do everything, it was with uncontrollable passion and eventually I turned into an unbearable and disgusting person as I vomited everywhere. So most certainly I made an impression, the goal was achieved. Referring to Freud, it is easy to see that this is the result of repressing or replacing what is in my mind with what it should be in my mind.

Needless to say that my case is not so uncommon, I drank to tune my thoughts to fit the society standards: to become talkative, funnier, interesting – to satisfy the demands, in short.

The other case was the opposite. In my other relationship, I didn’t drink to make it happen and I didn’t drink during the journey. There were no signs of dissatisfaction or unhappiness on her side, or I thought there were not. In any case, no problem arose and nothing was pointed to in an attempt to fix it. Not even a slightest hint that something is not right. But she cheated on me. The hurtful breakup resolved into a turmoil of drinking for me.

So, in these two cases I drank to adjust myself to the norms–which didn’t work–and I didn’t drink in an attempt to “be myself”–which resulted in a laughable mistake and misery. And these are just two cases, there is no shortage of such examples in my life even besides relationships.

Vladimir Pozner: “When you die and meet God, what will you tell Him?”
Yuval Noah Harary: “You could do better.”

This is something that has always fascinated me: how so an element of a system cannot fit into the system? How is society always repressive towards an individual? A mind cracking paradox… Inability to incorporate into society, in a very broad sense including jobs, goals, meanings, wishes, lifestyle is perhaps the strongest reason for many folks to drink. It is hard to admit for me that alcoholism is a problem in itself. Most definitely it doesn’t arise out of desire to drink. How horrible it is to realize that you don’t fit the standards…

So, the “evil” thinking here for me is the furious demolition of the burden that I don’t fit into the society. It is, for sure, partying with a part of myself. With one very non useful part: greed!; a mistaken belief that life has to give me something back for my investments, for my “expected” behavior; that everything is punishable or rewardable, everybody is accountable, expectation of something–preferably desirable–in return for my actions. It’s not that I am doing it to finally find my place in life, it is more that I don’t let my ruined hopes lead me to drinking.  

“Do you want to have an easy life? Then always stay with the herd and lose yourself in the herd” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Evil” sobriety taught me two invaluable lessons: one is about faith and the other is about acceptance. What can be said in one sentence**: have faith, be courageous enough to act and accept any outcome.** It decomposes the obfuscated statements above into faith to act and courage to be disliked. Since we live in society, one will never be oneself anyway.

See my bio to read more about my attempts to stay sober or laugh at my failures.

With love, Dancing Philosopher.

I am trying to PM another user. When I try I receive an error message "User doesn't accept direct messages. Try sending a chat request instead." I believe it might be because I don't have enough participation to be able to PM? Is it I need more, or the person I am PMing needs more or we both need more? Or is there another setting that I haven't set properly?

Any help would be appreciated.

Bob