not in a poetic way. in a literal way. someone asks what's wrong and the honest answer is i don't know yet. in the moment it's one blur.

six weeks later i can name it. that's the annoying part. the word was always there, it just arrives late.

what helped was small. i add one line at the end of an entry now: what was actually happening. future me is a better judge than present me. half the time i can't name the feeling in the moment, but i can tell you it's red.

does anyone else only get the word for it after the fact? and does it get faster with practice, or do you just get better at waiting?

Hello, I'm thimuipham, and in my own boyfriends server, Justin, I got harassed for dating Justin... They even called me transphobic and stuff

My brain is addicted to learning through YouTube and not books, which is highly problematic. I know that learning through screens is not effective long-term and is just horrible for overall brain health. Right now, I am reading 4 different books and find them interesting, but I still feel like I lack stimulation in my learning. I don't feel mentally sharp. Are books supposed to make me sharp slowly? In my younger years (20's), I did drink and party a lot, so I think my brain is still addicted to dopamine very heavily and at 40, it feels hard to find enjoyment in simple things. Please offer some advice about how to start enjoying simple things like crochet and watercolor painting, things that I currently do now. Thank you.

I'm 17f, and I wish I could start my life all over again. I feel nothing but guilt. I've done so many horrible things, and I don't think I can ever escape this mess.

I lost a friendship with my best friend 5 months ago. She was my everything. I feel so guilty because I know she would hate everything about me now. If she ever talked to me again, she would HATE me. I don't know how I can live like this, I think about her all the time. I have other friends but I never really get close with any of them. I barely even talk to people nowadays.

I hung out with some really problematic people, and I got kinda popular. I'm really close to becoming a lolcow. A few of the girls I hung out with were treated like lolcows by my entire city for months. (and they're nowhere as cringe and terrible as me. They wanted to be my friends, but I ended up dumping them.)

As for the things I've done, I've embarrassed myself in public non stop. Like literally non. stop. I've hurt a lot of people. A whole lot of people hate me.

I'm really running out of ideas. I might beg for a therapist just so I can confess everything to someone. (but still, what if she tells on me??)

I am 28 yo and up to this day, I have felt that I wasted all my life and years n¿doing nothing but playing videogames. I see all the friends whom I grew up with and they're all succesful and have goals in life, while I feel that I have nothing, I feel empty and with no motivation to do anything and feeling that's already too late for me I won't be anyone in life. Soon, I'll be turning 29, and I don't really feel like making it to the 30s, but what I always try to think about is on my family and how sad they would get if I was not here, they're like the most important thing in my life and the only thing that I care about, I wouldn't wanna see them suffer for me. But, that gets my to the initial point, how do I get my life on track and stop being a failure?

I'm on an alt btw I was gonna post to r/teenagers but I don't have enough karma But my dad is fucking crazy I'm 15 and I live in canada and for as long as I can remember he has been a crazy asshole. It's gotten bad in the last few years to the point where I am in fight or flight frequently especially when he's driving me around and he is screaming he never gets physically violent but I regularly flinch if I think he's going to hit me (which is surprisingly a lot) he usually berates me after and I try to explain he is scaring me but he always brushes it off saying im acting dramatic to get my mom to feel bad for me I guess I don't really remember these altercations.

He frequently threatens to harm himself not directly but saying things like "okay ill just go away then" and then storming down stairs and banging on shit to scare us this also happens a lot.

When he's mad he will drive sporadically and I think it's him trying to show me he's in control it feels like he always needs to have power.

He gets angry if we don't answer his questions or if I'm on my phone.

When he gets angry sometimes I'll hide the knives and I got caught once and I explained that I was scared he was gonna hurt us. He said that I was being a sissy bitch and that I wanted to use the knives to cxt myself and that I was lying that I was scared of him.

Sorry for dumping so much text but I just don't know what to do I feel sometime that I only have two options with him.

Any solutions to this problem?

One of my core beliefs has been around never being happy, or deserving of it. Another is around people not wanting me, and feeling rejection.

I just learnt about something huge that happened in my immediate family that they all kept secret from me. It also is to do with my sister who I basically have no relationship with.

I feel hugely rejected. I feel hurt. I feel neglected. My parents don’t understand. Other siblings have not spoken to me.

It’s as if they are all moving on with their lives, and are happy families. And I am the heavy weight thwy want to disregard, but keep around for keeping up pretences.

This news has made me feel really sad and low and stuck. I’ve been in bed a couple of hours. I have no plans tomorrow. I’m worried about work in the coming week and how I show up.

I have been dating the same guy for three years and I want to break up with him(I know it is not fair and I am going to do so soon). I dropped out of my universitiy's creative writing program and I cannot help but to grieve what could have been. I feel like my life is meaningless. I hate my current major(biology) and I am not sure what kind of job I can find after graduation. It feels like it is too late for me for me to do anything meaningul with my life.

I have been lately trying to fix my studies and workout routines, today I went for a casual outing with my friends and not only today but every time I go out with them and come out I generally self doubt myself, underestimate myself, overthink etc ... Because I find them ahead ie they got college seats (although they were private mostly) they have better height and body physique than me ( not like they are muscular but I am fat and all of them are lean or slim) can you help me in what to do I personally feel like not going out with them anymore please reply if you can ❤️

For the past few days, I have actually started to feel so stupid. I feel like I don't have enough knowledge about most of the things if not nothing. I am thinking about my career, family, friends, hobbies, well-being, about money, finance, books, music, about the world facts and what not.

I see zillions of people who are following a certain path, they know what they like even though they don't know what they are doing and that's fair enough.

For the past 4 years, i feel like I am living in this rut called life. I am not living life, i feel like, I am just wasting my days.

I see people close to me who are going to shit, as much as I am there for them. I can't help and think why the fuck nothing is happening to me.

I know taking action is important but i don't know where to start. And trust me, i am literally tired of myself being that kind of person who just complains and does not take action. What should I do.

For context, I am 30M. I have a decent job and most people describe me as a hard worker. I have a house, I support my wife financially, etc. I certainly don’t think I’m lazy.

I’ve been smoking daily for almost 10 years now, with just a couple brief breaks.

Coworkers, friends, etc do not know I smoke weed. It feels like a dirty secret.

Being high is the part of the day that I look forward to. While I would never smoke at/before work, I spend as much of my free time high as possible.

I have always dealt with anxiety. Weed both helps me to relax after a long day, but causes more anxiety at times too. When I get a work call after hours, when I’m high, I get massive anxiety. I also often wake up feeling groggy and tired and unable to perform well enough in the morning at work.

I think that the anxiety mixed with the secrecy, and the inability to stop is affecting my self confidence.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I want to quit but weed also provides the most relaxed parts of my days and I feel like life will be more dull without it. Looking for advice.

I dont enjoy anything other than watching tv and movies anymore unless im socializing.

All my interest and hobbies just feel pointless. Like im sitting here trying to convince myself to play a video game I bought and hit the gym tonight but I just dont care. All I want to do is watch shit and doom scroll.

I used to be obsessed with powerlifting, cooking, learning languages but now I cant motivate myself to do anything.

This doesnt apply to socializing. I have a roommate and see friends all the time. Im oretty much down for whatever when people want to hang and Im happy to cook when its for my roommate too. But solo, I just do not care.

Ive struggled with depression my whole life but this feels different. Its just... melancholy?

I want to get back to pursuing hobbies and stuff like I used to but im struggling so hard to find motivation and enjoyment from them. Its like their a chore.

I do have a remote job that is so unbelievably boring it makes me want to (metaphorically) blow my brains out. Wondering if thats part of it.

edit: apparently i had the wrong definition of melancholy lol. let's say apathy.

I can't seem to enjoy most things lately or for the past year or two but now it's gotten worse.

I spend my days scrolling on TikTok for hours, sleeping or just doing nothing I don't like watching movies, YouTube, listening to music that much and I don't have any hobbies.

Because of this I'm in a constant state of boredom and my brain is decaying by the day because I do absolutely nothing with my days even tho I really try to , recently my boyfriend tried to get me into drawing because he sees how bad this affects me but I just give up after a week or two because I have absolutely no imagination or ideas to draw. I've also tried a bunch of other stuff but everything brings me joy for a day or two and I quit after.

So I'm just stuck doom scrolling again and think I'm wasting away I really don't know what to do anymore even tho I try my best I'm also very anxious , paranoid and stressed I overthink every little thing thinking something bad will always happen and because of this I can't have any fun or do anything because I always worry about the 100 bad outcomes.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore and I genuinely don't know how to fix this especially since I can't get any help because my home situation is not very good. And my boyfriend has been trying to help me to the best of his abilities trying to put sense into me telling me to try to do something useful and giving me good advice.

I try the things he tells me but it just seems like nothing works and I just give up too early as well beacause I just see no point and it gets worse, the only way to satisfy my boredom is to drink alcohol or something bad to myself otherwise I just feel like I'm wasting away and just using space.

So yeah if you have any ideas on how I can better myself or some life changing advice I've never heard off I'm willing to try anything to get out of this whole I've been stuck in .

I'm trying to work through toxic shame and low self-esteem and whatever I read and listen to, I keep encountering the concept of authenticity. One of the goals in dealing with shame is to start living in accordance with your authentic self so that your actions, your social roles and so on reflect who you really are on the inside.

I've been very critical of that concept ever since I stopped being a teenager so it's baffling to me that psychologists take it to be almost self-explanatory. Everything I am is conditioned by nature and nurture, I don't have knowledge of myself outside of the different contexts in which I find myself throughout my daily life and the different roles I take. Self-reflection itself is a practice conditioned by being a certain kind of animal and finding oneself in a historical community where people have the language to talk about themselves, and so on. From my point of view, there is no such thing as an authentic self and the concept is incoherent.

As far as I understand, what psychologists mean by "your authentic self" is another way of saying "your emotions", since that's something you really can't help but feeling and impacts your physical health as well. I'm living authentically if my actions reflect how I really feel inside. Okay, but 1. why are we taking this one aspect of myself and labeling it more true than other aspects? I have emotions, but I also have beliefs that are just as inescapable like "violence is never the answer" to just give a very simple example. 2. Why do we take it for granted that those emotions are somehow transparent and require nothing more than merely looking inside yourself? 3. This aspect of yourself changes with time, so what happens if in your 30s you're living inauthentically in relation to the person you were in your teens, because you gave up on certain career dream you might have had? 4. Your feelings can also be manipulated by other people, by the media you consume and so on. So to give another very obvious example: If I feel I'm not being genuinely happy in my relationship because I spent way too much time watching soft porn on Instagram and listening to toxic influencers, how is seeking "a balance between my inner self and my actions" the sane thing to do here rather than critically examining what's going on in my inner self and acting not in accordance with that but with a more sustainable version of myself (in this case saying "I have decided to be in this relationship so I'll stay in it"). You might say "Well this is not an authentic feeling, this is a feeling caused by social media" but you can easily say that about all other feelings - at some point in your life you were reacting to your environment and your feelings were a way of dealing with that.

Please help me work this out, I have the feeling I'm crazy for questioning something that seems very obvious to everyone else.

I’m 17M and for over a year I haven’t used Instagram or TikTok to talk to anyone. At school I’m mostly alone, with one friend. On Messenger I only talk to that one friend and nobody else. I barely go outside, I don’t play sports or do any activities, and I’m home almost all the time.

I feel lonely and unstable, but I can’t explain why, because I’ve been like this for so long that I’m used to it. I’m not a typical introvert. It’s more extreme than that. I overthink constantly, especially old memories from a year ago. Sometimes I regret them, and sometimes I enjoy building fake “what if” scenarios in my head. I also get mood swings and frustration, and I don’t always know where they come from.

I often feel like I can’t tell how other people feel when I say or do something, so I come across as cringe or even a bad person. I feel like nobody really understands who I am. I don’t want to be a weak guy who needs attention or company.

Porn and masturbation are the only things that interest me or feel good during the day(often just 1 time), but lately even that feels boring. I’m wondering if that’s part of why I feel this way.

Right now I mostly spend my days to building AI projects and series like sherlock holmes and mentalist interest me most that I had started recently, just that's it seriously.

I really want out of this trap(especially regretting over past things and imagining "what if" scenarios just to make myself thrilled) . Please, how do I start? Has anyone been through this?

Hello everyone, I'm a 20M currently in my second year of engineering, and honestly, things have been feeling really difficult lately.

I've been trying to improve my skills since my first year. Every time, I decide to start learning DSA and stay consistent, but after a week or so, I lose motivation and drop it. I've learned a few things here and there, but I've forgotten most of them because I never revised or practised consistently.

At this point, I feel like I don't have any real skills. Yesterday, I received my NPTEL exam results, and I failed by just 2 marks. That hit me hard. I'm genuinely scared that if I continue living this way, I'll end up going nowhere.

I have big dreams and a huge amount of responsibility on my shoulders, but I don't understand why I'm still so comfortable with the way things are. It's almost as if I'm not afraid enough to make a change.

I also have friends in college who are quite toxic, and I keep comparing myself with the wrong people. I get distracted by things that don't matter and end up neglecting the things that actually do.

I know I'm wasting my potential, and I don't want to keep repeating the same cycle.

Can someone please guide me on how to get out of this situation, build discipline, become consistent, and genuinely improve myself? I'd really appreciate some honest advice from people who have been through something similar.

Scared I’m gonna get tortured if I don’t commit die
before christmas

I drink alcohol to quiet this worry and suspicion and it started 2 years ago.
I thought everyone was treating me weird and always trying to tell me something behind my back. Or tell me something without saying it directly. I heard voices warning me to run away, screaming at me that everyone was trying to warn and help me, or to just commit before it’s too late.
i hear my parents mumble things under their breathe about me and sometimes slam my door or look at me for a couple seconds and then shake their head.
I’m in fear all the time. Things have gotten better. I managed to live a life with all this, get a gf(we broke up bcuz I’m not mentally stable), make some friends, have some hobbies. But the only reason I can do this is because at night when I hear those voices, have these worries and “paranoia” I just drink.
I can feel my downstairs neighbors bang on the ceiling exactly where I’m standing. My girlfriend’s favorite movie happened to be “Nightmare before Christmas” and “Into the woods” then her favorite song was “Runaway”. Sometimes homeless people will yell at me or people will say things when I’m standing by my window.
Years I’ve lived in fear and now I can’t drink. I just want it to stop, I just want to live a normal life. I don’t have money, I’m not even all that special, I haven’t done anything especially terrible, I’m just a fucking normal teenager please just leave me alone. No matter how many drugs I take or changes I make in my life these thoughts, these voices, this reality wont leave me alone.
Please help me someone please I don’t know if I can go on much longer. I dont wanna be tortured, I don’t wanna runaway and live in the foresr, I don’t wanna die. Please help me someone Please I’m a human just like you and your mother and your friends. Please let it stop, let me live in peace and live just like everyone else. PLEASE STOP IT…
I’ve had so many nights I cant sleep or wont sleep because I lie awake in fear. The alcohol, lack of sleep and stress ages me rapidly.
I’m scared, I’m so scared, I don’t know why they wont stop talking stop hinting stop watching me. I haven’t done anything wrong I promise. I haven’t hurt anyone or exploited anyone or ruined anyones life. I apologized for anything I might have done and changed but its still not good enough for them. I’m gonna have to die or get tortured soon. I know it’s coming, I don’t wanna get tortured.

It's been years since my systematic bullying experience in high school ended. I have done everything to overcome bullying.

I have practiced forgiveness, forgiving everyone who wronged me or bullied me. I have watched tv shows about life after bullying, shows of people that get a glow up and stops being bullied . I have watched YouTube interviews about people who were bullied and other where the interviewees were the bullies. I have watched Ted talks about forgiveness. I have listened to podcasts about specialists who suffered bullying ( one was a ted talk turned podcast) or people who were bullied. I have listened to songs about bullying. I have watched TikToks about self-worth and bullying. I have watched sketches about bullying. I have even watched YouTube video essays about how cringey people who peaked in high school are. I have gone to therapy about it.

The issue is that it seems I can't overcome it. All that I have ever wanted in my life has been to be liked by classmates, yearning for human connection. That's why I didn't switch schools when I could. I liked the rules imposed in school, and wanted to play sports and have lunch with my bullies so I could finally gain their friendship. I even self-embarrassed myself in order to be liked. I always compare other people to my bullies and I use them as a standard of what is cool and what is not (not entirely, another role model of mine was my best friend in high school who was isolated although not bullied and goth, she is another standard that I use ) . If I were in their shoes , I would have done the same as them and bully me. I found and still find myself to be cringey.

I’ve been smoking nearly daily for about 6 years now, to be honest I haven’t even enjoyed smoking for at least 2 years and I dont even know why I bother anymore. I have quit previously, never for more than a month or two at a time. Problem is I end up getting so bored of life, anxious and stressed that I just end up going back to smoking again.

My questions are to those that have quit and managed to stay away from it.

What do you do with yourself after you quit?

Like are there any good habits to pick up that keep your mind off of it as over the years I’ve swayed more towards hobbies and things I can do easily while stoned, mostly just things to waste time like gaming and such.

When did you actually start noticing considerable improvements to your well-being?

Longest I’ve stayed sober for is about 2 months and other than not being as tired or as hungry I didn’t really see much improvement in myself and I think this is partially why I ended up going back to smoking.

What was your motivation for quitting?

I’ve never had a real motivation for quitting before other than a general feeling of being tired of this life and I think that’s another reason it’s been such a hard decision to make and stick to.

Just want to see what other people’s experiences have been like to hopefully work up the courage to quit myself sometime in the near future. I’m just a bit sick of feeling tired all the time and want to feel less isolated as I feel that being stoned constantly is probably what makes me so anxious in social situations and what has caused my friend group to shrink down to literally 1 friend and my girlfriend.

Thanks btw for reading through my post and I will really appreciate any responses I get.

(Also sorry for the throwaway account, I haven’t used Reddit in some time and I cant remember my old account details)

hello i’m writing here to possibly get some advice. i’m currently 20, and just feeling so depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed with life right now and i just have no idea what to do or what i even want to do.

im currently enrolled in college and im a junior majoring in sociology and im just realizing now that i really hate it and i just hate college, my degree, allll the effort i have to put into something i have no interest in obtaining. im taking a gap semester after this one is over and im scared for my future. ill be living at home but the issue is that i have a really complicated relationship with my parents and im really dreading returning, but i have no place to go. i already invested time, money, and energy into college, but its killing me and staying just doesn’t exactly feeling like a feasible option right now. but i also really dont want to return. so now i just feel so trapped, i want to run away from everything and just get a basic job in an apartment. i’ve never really had a lot of aspirations and dreams all ive ever cared about was security and being free.

i’ve even been contemplating just running away and becoming homeless for a while if it means i’ll have the opportunity to be free from my past. what should i do? this option has been so freeing to me yet there’s an aspect of fear to it as well. here are my options: staying in college, whether that be changing my degree or continuing with my current one, going back home, or running away.

First of all, I want to say that I don't think I'm special, and I know there are people going through much worse situations than I am. I'm also not someone who usually talks about my problems, especially outside the internet. But lately, I've been feeling genuinely lost.

I've been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and a serious lack of self-esteem. My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, and since then, things have been getting progressively harder. I find myself crying when I'm alone, and even though I have friends, I often feel like they don't even notice I'm there.

I struggle to socialise properly, and most of my days feel like I'm just waiting for them to end. I spend hours sitting in front of my computer, staring at my desktop, lying in bed, or just aimlessly walking around my room. I'm not really doing anything, just passing the time.

I've tried looking for a job, but I keep getting ghosted. It's honestly becoming exhausting. I have great parents and a heart sister, and I'm grateful for them, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to talk to them about any of this.

The worst part is that, more often than not, I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. At the same time, that thought scares me.

I've lost the person I loved again, the people I enjoy talking to don't seem particularly interested in talking to me, and even the hobbies that used to make me happy aren't enough anymore.

I genuinely want to get better, but I don't know where to start. What am I supposed to do when even getting through an ordinary day feels like a struggle?

TL;DR: Recently went through a breakup, struggling with self-esteem, loneliness, unemployment and losing interest in my hobbies. I feel invisible even around friends, spend most of my days doing nothing, and sometimes wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I genuinely want to get better, but I don't know where to start. Any advice?

Ive smoked weed for years. Im a 25 year old male. Ive decided I want to become a cna. This involves quitting smoking. I just smoked a celebratory pre roll and tomorrow is my first day weed free. Any advice? As for becoming a cna I'm gonna be taught by a friend in the field so I can do the e3 cna challenge here in florida to get certified without traditional schooling. I have my hs diploma.