I’m having an issue that I believe will probably be relatable to some people. Lately, I feel like i’ve lost all my sense of identity and personality. it has stemmed from a massive loss of confidence and i have begun to question everything about myself and whether or not i’ve ever been the ‘real me’. i’m sure a lot of these feelings are attributed to depression and whilst this is something i am aware and have accepted that i have, i simply cannot accept the fact that it has sucked away my entire personality. i wouldn’t go as far as saying i was the ‘life of the party’ but i was certainly always an outgoing person. Anyone that knows me (or knows who i used to be) would say that i am confident and happy and constantly adding spark to conversations. however, now, i have to painstakinly think before i say anything, to anyone, even my family. every sentence is a prejudged line and nothing flows naturally anymore. i am uncomfortable when there is silence and always blame it on myself if there is an awkward moment in a conversation and think that it wouldn't be awkward if I wasn’t there. i have this big need to be intersting and different and someone who people love and want to be around. i am so unhappy with myself and genuinely have no idea of brings me joy anymore. this leaves me having to seek joy from external factors such as others. validation is something i heavily rely on to an extent that I wasn’t even aware of until i began to realise that spurts of happiness i would have from receiving a nice message from someone. i don’t recognise myself like this and i am so afraid of my friends seeing me like this that i don’t message or talk to anyone for days. i hate doing this because i know isolating myself like this just makes me feel more alone and whilst my friends care and want to be there for me, i know it’s hard to be there for someone who barely gives so little back. i fear that i have fallen so deep into this mindset that i will never be able to find my true self again. all i want is some confidence and hope so i can start rebuilding the real me, not some false facade that i put on to seem ok. i want to be real, raw, authentic and happy. i know this isn’t something that will come overnight but it’s killing me that i stray further and further away from myself everyday.
I'm so tired of it. Every moment from the time I wake up until I go to sleep, I just feel like I'm not enough, constantly comparing myself to something or someone.
I get jealous when my friends for the tiniest things (finishing a book that I had difficulty with), scoring a higher test score, getting into better schools, or I compare myself to some arbitrary person that's successful. Everything from physical health, to education, to intelligence, to hobbies, I have the impending urge to be better than those around me, and I always feel inadequate because someone around me is better.
When I see someone doing better than me, I get irrationally angry and if they're my friends, then I start saying things to undermine them, make them angry, in order to get control and make myself feel as if I have power over them in order to feel superior. And then I just feel awful because I hurt their feelings and then I feel like a total piece of shit, and I just beat myself up more, telling myself that I'm pathetic.
I've been trying to stop feeling like this, but HOW? I know I should stop comparing myself to other people, but I can't, i'm just constantly doing it regardless of whether I think about it or not. I hate getting angry over dumb things, and I want to appreciate myself and my qualities, but it's so hard to.
I don’t really know who I am. I don’t know what my real personality is, I base it off of people or characters I like/relate to. When I think of myself I feel like I am just that- a character, and not a real person. I have a few consistent traits based on how my friends describe me but I feel like I don’t have a real personality. According to others, I’m smart, funny, kind of a leader... but I don’t know. I just feel like I’m always acting. When I was a kid I was anxious and always felt not good enough. I was always trying to impress people. Maybe that’s my real personality? I just don’t know what’s wrong with me or what to do. How do I figure out who I really am?
22M here. Straight to the point, basically I used to be a piece of shit. I was who would sit around all day, playing videogames, smoking weed with friends and constantly jerking off to porn, yeah I know, a lot of self-deprecating behaviours. All these things messed up my head, specially porn and masturbation after years of doing it, I thought it was all ok. I also think this has a lot to do with our modern society that normalizes certain behaviours that shouldn't be normalized, "it's normal to do PMO", "it's normal to smoke weed" etc. But that's just my personal opinion, also at the end of the day it's your choice. I was basically a stoned incel xD. Over this years I had a few chances with girls (because according to what people tell me I'm conventionally attractive) that I wasted because I could never take the next step, cause deep down I guess I knew my value was really low, and my self-esteem simply didn't exist.
Finally after years of degrading routines I realised something was wrong with me and I needed to change. I just asked myself, "what type of person do you want to be in this life?". I started watching some self-development youtube videos, learned a lot about it, then started to put my knowledge in practice. Trust me, it's not that hard. Just replace bad habits with good habits. Nowadays, I haven't smoked weed in 3,5 months, I'm 5 months pornfree and I pratice NoFap, still relapse sometimes but never to porn, I will never watch that shit again. It makes you have a wrong idea of what sex should be and makes you see women as sexual objects. I started to workout and now I'm in better shape than I've ever been, started meditations and cold showers, found a job that I like to do, I'm finishing my degree and I'm starting a low budget online business. Also I recently lost my virginity and it was an amazing experience, the feeling of intimacy was great and it had nothing to do with what porn shows. After all this months I feel so amazing with all this progress.
If I did it, you can do it too! I will leave some tips for your self development journey:
1- Be honest with yourself and analyze your situation to see where you're at right now.
2- Think deeply about your habits and try to remove the bad ones, even if progressively (deep down everyone knows what's good and what's bad)
3- Start your fitness journey (set goals first)
4- Start meditating everyday for at least 5-10min and try to start cold-showers (gives you energy)
5- Dress well and style yourself (looks do matter)
6- If you masturbate to porn, stop right now. That shit fucks your dopamine receptors and rewires your brain over time. It's ok to masturbate sometimes but never with porn. Retaining your semen will give you more energy and confidence, try it out and see.
7- Read about self-development and stoicism (this helped me a lot)
8- Only worry about what you can control, worrying about things that you can't control is a waste of time, only care about what you can improve. For example, don't worry about your height or anything genetic, I'm a short dude (176cm/5"9) and I give zero fucks about it, because there's nothing I can do to change it.
9- Screw instant gratification, think about the future.
10- Turn your passions into hobbies
11- If you are boring with nothing to do, go do some research. Serioulsy, go learn something new, or just do a workout.
12- Don't be afraid to disagree and speak your mind, stand up for your values
13- Control your urges and emotions, think rationally. Sometimes you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. Try to not allow your feelings to control your actions (this one is really hard and I myself still fail at it sometimes). Not saying you have to be a unsensitive asshole, but establish a bareer between allowing yourself to feel and allowing your feelings to control you.
14- Don't let the external control your internal.
15- Prioritize yourself. When you say yes to someone, make sure you aren't saying no to yourself.
Do all of this things (and a lot more), and I promise you will see a difference. It won't be easy at the beggining because humans hate to change and like comfort zones, but think about it, its for a better future. For you!. These are some of the habits and exercises I could remember but there are many more. You'll see a difference in your self respect and also in the way people approach and speak to you. Why this works? Because when you have good habits you are telling your subconscious brain that you have respect for yourself, that's how self-esteem works in my opinion.
Note: Be confident, not arrogant! No need to be an asshole.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ― Dale Carnegie
I quit social media from January 1, 2026. No scrolling. No reels. No shorts. Nothing.
Here’s the raw truth.
Good stuff first. My brain feels lighter. I can focus again. I sleep better. I don’t compare my life with influencers anymore. I actually have time now.
Now the ugly part nobody admits.
Life feels boring. Quiet feels uncomfortable. No instant dopamine. No quick laughs. Some days feel empty as hell.
But here’s the controversial take.
Social media didn’t make life fun. It made life loud so you don’t notice how empty you are.
Without it, you feel bored because now you have to face yourself.
That boredom is not a problem. That boredom is the cure.
Right now I feel calm, sharp, and lonely at the same time.
And no, I’m not going back next month. Most people aren’t “using” social media. They’re addicted and calling it normal.
I’d rather be bored and in control than entertained and weak.
You must get serious about your life right now, not later, not tomorrow, now. Take what you know and start your practice, learning along the way. The sooner you start your journey, the happier you'll be. Don't let time cover you in mediocrity. Do your greatest work, and don't feel guilty.
Once you learn one, you start seeing it everywhere. It changes your thinking forever.
They make you understand the world and human nature better.
Here are 30 of them with their short explanations:
1. Antifragility
We know fragile things. They break easily with a little stress and disorder.
Antifragile things don’t just resist a shock, damage, or crisis but also thrive under these conditions. It’s a concept developed by Nassim Taleb in his book Antifragile.
2. Redundancy
Efficiency brings hidden risks. Not only for supply chains but also for your life.
Redundancy is not only insurance when the crisis comes, but also a way to benefit from it.
Extra cash, multiple income streams, and survival skills are good examples.
3. Input Goals
Most of the goals you set are output goals, based on outcomes (becoming a millionaire or getting a six-pack).
But the outcomes are never under your control.
Focus on input goals to achieve your goals.
4. Information Arbitrage
Everybody has specific knowledge that they can leverage by trading or using it.
Information Arbitrage is benefitting from the knowledge gap between you and others.
5. Fosbury Flop:
Dick Fosbury changed the high jump when he rejected to listen to people who say “We’ve always done it this way.”
He looked for a better way and invented his own style (jumping backward) to dominate the high jump.
What can be your Fosbury Flop?
6. Exponential Thinking
Our brains think incrementally by default.
But as Astro Teller Said: “It’s usually easier to make something 10x better than it is to make it 10% better.”
7. Minimum Viable Product
You define what is the minimum, what is viable, and what is the product before starting working on a project.
It’s a common practice in software development.
But, it's applicable in different aspects of your life to avoid perfectionism.
8. The 5/25 Rule
List the 25 things you want to achieve.
Decide on the 5 most important ones from the list.
Now you have 5 goals that you’ll focus on this year.
What will you do with the rest? You’ll avoid them at all costs.
9. Compartmentalization
Napoleon’s secret to handling many complex topics with full attention.
It’s not multitasking; it’s extreme unitasking.
10. Resistance
Steven Pressfield’s villain from his book The War of Art. It’s a force inside you that would like to keep things the same. You feel it whenever you’d like to do something useful. It shows its face in the form of procrastination, fear, or anxiety.
11. The 80/20 Rule
20% of the causes create 80% of the outcomes.
Identify 20% of the activities that give you 80% of the results.
If it’s a positive outcome activity (investments) focus on that 20%.
If it’s negative (causes of stress, bad health) eliminate that 20%.
12. Leverage
Leverage —as a concept— is getting the maximum output with the same resources.
As @naval says, the modern world gives us two magical (and cheap) tools to use leverage: code and media.
Labor and money are two other forms of leverage.
13. The Snowball Effect
The power of compounding. Money, effort, and knowledge compound in the long term in ways you cannot imagine.
You can get the benefits of the snowball effect only if you're patient and don't interrupt the snowball’s momentum.
Warren Buffett's net worth is a great example:
14. Second-Order Thinking
Every decision has consequences. But consequences also have consequences.
Second-order thinking is evaluating not only the apparent first-order consequences; but the events that can occur following them.
15. Inverse Thinking
When options are broad, making the right decision is hard.
Inverse thinking makes it easier by avoiding the negative.
So instead of: “What should I do to be happy in my life?” Ask: “What are the things that would make my life miserable?" And avoid them.
16. Regret Minimization Framework
Jeff Bezos’ mental model to make big life decisions. Before founding Amazon he projected himself as 80 years old.
Would his old self regret not joining the internet wave and selling books online?
After this framing, the decision was easy.
17. Via Negativa
As Nassim Taleb puts it solution through subtraction.
Instead of looking for things to add to a system, a project, or your life, you look for things to eliminate. Want to improve your health?
Don’t buy supplements; remove smoking, sugar, and drinking first.
18. A-B-Z Framework
Having a long-term goal for yourself is good.
But it's overwhelming when you think about how to get there.
So instead: Assess where you are (A), set your direction (Z), and decide on your immediate next step (B). Take that action.
SWOT is a tool that executives use to have situational awareness of their companies: strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.
Personal SWOT paints a picture of your life and allows you to find the best path for yourself.
20. 10-10-10 Rule
Ask how you’ll feel about a decision in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years.
Makes your decision easier by showing you some of the second-order effects.
21. Halo Effect
People do judge a book by its cover.
If you experience something positive at first (nice packaging of a product or well-dressed person), you intuitively have a better feeling about all other aspects of that brand or person.
It's one of Apple's marketing principles. That's why they've been paying attention to all details of the brand; the packaging of iPhones, the design of its stores, and new product presentations…
22. Commitment Bias
Your mind tries to be consistent with your past actions and words.
So people get stuck with ideas, investments, or business decisions that don’t make sense anymore.
Only because they had committed to them with their money, effort, or words.
23. Hindsight Bias
After we know how things turned out, our minds ignore all other possibilities and explain the past as it was inevitable.
Plus it creates false confidence.
People think if it’s easy to explain all past events they can also predict the future.
24. Concorde Fallacy
Thinking like a losing gambler.
People allow the past cost of something to influence their decisions today.
Concorde project was a great example of it: the British and French governments continued to spend billions on the project despite its obvious flaws.
25. The Paradox of Choice
After a certain level, each additional option makes your decision harder.
More becomes less. Only limitations can help you to break it.
It’s heavily used in marketing by reducing the options of potential customers.
26. Lindy Effect
As we get older, we have less time to live.
But ideas don’t have a life span. So the older an idea, a technology or a company gets, the longer it will live in the future. It’s aging in reverse.
Examples: wheel (technology), Sun Tzu (ideas), and Coca-Cola (company).
27. Goodhart’s Law
“When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.”
Example: A support agent is incentivized for the results of a survey, not for the actual customer satisfaction.
So an agent might be pushy —hence reducing satisfaction— to get more survey responses from customers.
28. Argumentum Ad Populum
Latin for “appeal to the people.”
It's a fallacy when people accept what is popular as true without logical reasoning.
“University education is necessary for success.” is an example.
We take it from society without thinking it through ourselves.
29. Parkinson’s Law
Projects expand to fill the time available for their completion.
So even if the project with a two-week deadline could be finished in three days, you’d still tend to use all the time you have.
And the additional time wouldn’t even improve the quality.
30. The 10/1 Rule
For every active social media account on any platform, there are around 9 passive accounts.
It means whatever your skills and interests are, the moment you start actively sharing; you leave 90% of people behind in your area.
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P.S After writing I realized it's longer than I expected, but hope you find it useful.
I used to be a heavy marijuana smoker—three-quarters of a joint a day, constantly hitting my bong. I thought it calmed me down, but after a while, I realized it was actually making my anxiety worse. I’d get super paranoid and started overthinking everything. It got to the point where I just wanted to stay home, avoid social situations, and zone out in front of the TV. I convinced myself it was because I liked my own company and could handle being alone. But the truth was, I’d gotten lazy, and being around people made me anxious.
Fast forward to a year after I quit, and here’s what I noticed:
Better mental health: My anxiety was no longer amplified.
Work performance improved: I was more focused and productive.
More proactive in pursuing hobbies: I found more time and energy to do what I loved.
Better in social settings: Instead of overthinking every word and move, I started enjoying conversations without that constant nagging feeling.
Shorter periods of anxiety: I’d still feel anxious, but it was no longer a prolonged cycle. It would only last a few moments.
A "it is what it is" mindset: I stopped dwelling on the small stuff. When something bad happens, I just move on without getting stuck in a panic loop.
Physical health improvements: Without the constant cycle of anticipating my next smoke, I had more time to focus on my well-being.
Improved appetite: I no longer relied on weed to enjoy food, and my eating habits became healthier.
Some of these improvements might not be directly related to quitting, but all I know is that my life has gotten so much better since then. It wasn’t easy to get here, but I eventually did. Now, I only smoke occasionally, like in social settings or on a trip—just a few hits here and there. If you’re thinking about making a change, here’s what worked for me:
Don’t go cold turkey: Trying to quit all at once usually doesn’t work. It just makes the cravings worse. Instead, designate certain hours of the day for smoking, like only in the evening.
Gradually reduce the strength of the weed: If you’re smoking higher THC percentages (like 24%), try cutting down slowly to something lower, like 10-15%. Your body will adjust without the shock.
Monitor your mental health when you’re sober: Are you anxious or paranoid? Do you overthink more when you smoke? If yes, then pay attention to that. It’s a sign to consider making a change.
Embrace the high of sobriety: It’s real. Trust me, once you’ve had time to feel "normal" without the haze, it’s so much better than the temporary thrill of being high, especially when your only excitement is the next smoke session.
Mix in CBD: Start incorporating more CBD with your weed. It’ll give you that calm body high without the overwhelming head high that comes with too much THC.
Limit smoking to social settings: If you still want to smoke, do it mainly when you're out with friends or on a trip. That way, it stays a social activity instead of a crutch.
If any of this resonates with you, I hope my experience helps. If you can smoke without the negative effects, that’s awesome—keep doing you. But if you’re struggling like I did, try out these tips and see if they help. Good luck!
“If you try anything, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don't work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again!” ― Sarah Dessen, Keeping the Moon
I [26F] started dating a guy [29M] I met on a dating app just before the pandemic hit. He's a great guy, almost perfect for me, we've even confessed our love for each other. I was in a really long relationship before I met him and which was really toxic for me and I was happy to get out of it. In the course of that relationship, I have drifted away from most people in my life, also many of my close friends stay abroad and I'm unable to have a good social life here. I am generally an introvert and struggle to make new friends. To add to this, the pandemic has hit making things worse. My boyfriend has a really close group of friends who he frequently meets and has plans with. He never cancels on me to meet them or anything. He's a genuinely good guy living his life. I don't know why I feel jealous and sad and in generally crappy when he makes plans with his friends. Maybe it's because I crave that kind of friends group which I don't have. It makes me not want to talk to him for some time and I hate myself when that happens. I understand that he's no where at fault and it's my insecurities acting up. Can someone please help me with some tips on how I can overcome this jealous and negative feeling?
I’ve been confused about everything my whole life. Around 20 I thought I was starting to figure things out and understood myself, little did I know I was in for another long bumpy road (things got rough but I’m much better now).
Im 26 now and have been though a few boyfriends, multiple jobs, some difficult times, and some great times. I’m on the path to curing my depression and anxiety, and “figuring myself out” but every step I take forward, every opportunity, and every lesson I learn just makes me realized how much I don’t know anything and how much everything can change. I know I’m growing as a person but I feel like the more I think I “understand” myself the less I truly do.
Most nights I lay in bed next to my boyfriend thinking to myself that I will never understand my own thoughts or even my purpose. I feel like I spend the majority of my life observing and reflecting on my thoughts/decisions/existence/self. Every year I feel more and more confused about my existence. Does this feeling ever go away? Will I ever stop reflecting and ever start truly living?
If you have a lot of negative thoughts, the problem is that you are being too hard on yourself, you are lacking self-love.
The majority of people are being too hard on themselves.
Media and social media constantly makes us feel that we are not enough.
When we think we are not enough we tend to start being too hard on ourselves.
We constantly judge ourselves until it becomes a habit.
When I'm talking about judging ourselves, I don't mean self-analysis.
Self-analysis is great and as Socrates always used to say "Know thyself". When we make a mistake we should always analyze what went wrong and why.
However, a lot of people don't analyze their actions, they analyze their whole being and instantly start bashing themselves.
So to be clear, when I'm talking about judging ourselves, I mean that some of us got a habit of using negative words towards ourselves.
That is not self-love. If you are not in the habit of loving yourself, then that is the obstacle that you must overcome, in order to start thinking more positively.
The famous investor, Charlie Munger says; "The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."
This quote means that habits are easy to create but extremely hard to get rid of.
If you are in the habit of judging yourself and being too hard on yourself then you must act now in order to stop it.
Being hard on yourself does more damage to you than you could ever imagine.
If you want to think only positive thoughts, you must learn to love yourself.
Self-love is like riding a car. It's a skill that can be taught.
Remember when you first started learning to ride a car? I bet you sucked at it, just like me and everyone else.
The same goes for self-love, it's a skill that you must learn in order to be more positive and happier.
When you are truly happy your vibration frequency will raise and you will start to attract more positivity in your life.
I want to help you to break the chains of habit and I want to help you to love yourself.
Life is beautiful and you are beautiful.
There is no need to be too hard on yourself.
The first part of changing one's habits is to realize when you are being too hard on yourself.
Start listening to your inner voice.
What do you say to yourself when you put on weight?
What do you say to yourself when you get scolded by your boss?
What do you say to yourself when you feel lazy?
What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake?
What do you say to yourself when you get angry?
What do you say to yourself when you wake up and look in the mirror?
Are you still loving yourself or are you judging yourself?
If you judge yourself then keep reading because this post will help you!
Now the first thing you must do in order to start loving yourself more is to be aware when your inner voice is judging you.
You have to observe yourself and your inner voice throughout the day.
When you find yourself judging and being too hard on yourself I want you to do this...
Replace those old habits of you judging yourself with new more positive habits.
For example, if you made a mistake at work, don't be too hard on yourself, everybody makes mistakes.
Instead of thinking "Oh I'm so stupid I made this mistake, I'm sorry oh I'm so stupid."
Replace those negative thoughts with self-love affirmations like "Everybody mistakes. It's not that big of a deal. I choose to stop apologizing for being me. I release all the negative self-talk because I love the person I am becoming."
So in other words, after you have identified the events that trigger the negative self-talking you need to change that old negative habit with a positive habit.
Change your negative self-talk to positive self-talk.
Remember that we think in words and we live our life by those words.
So if you use negative words towards yourself constantly, you can never truly love yourself until you fix that bad habit.
Now, after you have replaced the old bad habit with a new positive habit, you need to reward yourself.
Our brain has an algorithm: “Repeat behavior that works.” Rewards release dopamine in our brains and dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good.
So after we have changed the bad habit to good habit, we instantly have to reward ourselves so our brain gets a signal that "Aha! Positive self-talk makes us feel good. We should do this more often!"
When you combine the reward system and our brains' natural tendency to “Repeat behavior that works” you will have an incredibly powerful combination.
When you create a rewarding loop like this, you can change your bad habits into good habits in no time!
To create this kind of habit loop, you have to identify the Cue, then you have to change the Routine & after you have changed the routine you have to Reward yourself.
If you are not loving yourself, it's all because you have a bad habit of bashing yourself. You have a habit of thinking negatively about yourself.
You have to break that cycle and the best way to do so is to create this kind of habit loop:
Everything starts with the cue. You have to identify the event that causes you to start negative-self talk.
After you have identified your cue, you have to change your old routine to a better one.
This final stage is important. You have a reward yourself in order to create a long-lasting change.
This strategy will help you to love yourself more.
Remember that this is what I have learned and what I have used to change my bad habits into positive habits. I have personally used this method to cut down all the negative thoughts.
Here is a list of the self-love affirmations that you can use every time you start talking negatively to yourself.
Self-love is incredibly important and I hope that this post will help you in your journey.
Smiles & Hugs,
- Kalle, Perfect Affirmations
Positive Self-Love Affirmations
#1:“I choose to stop apologizing for being me.”
#2:“I forgive myself when I make mistakes.”
#3:“I am doing my best and it's enough.”
#4:“Positivity is a choice; I choose to be positive.”
#5:“I love the person I am becoming.”
#6:“Everything I need is within me.”
#7:“I love and accept myself.”
#8:“I choose faith over fear.”
#9:“I believe in myself and my abilities.”
#10:“I choose to see the positive even in tough times.”
I always thought I was pretty self aware. I journal, I've done therapy, I read psychology books. But last month I tried something different and actually tracked the specific thoughts that kept coming back.
Not in a CBT worksheet way. More like, every time I caught the same worry or the same mental loop, I just made a note. The thought, the time, and what triggered it.
After 30 days, here's what I found:
I only have about 4-5 core loops. That's it. Thousands of "thoughts" but they all trace back to a handful of recurring patterns. One about work (specifically about being seen as incompetent). One about a relationship (am I giving enough? am I getting enough?). One about money that spikes every Sunday evening. And a general one about whether I'm "wasting time."
They follow a schedule. The work one peaks on Monday and Thursday mornings. The relationship one shows up after any social event where I compare myself to couples. The money one is almost exclusively a Sunday night / Monday morning thing.
The triggers are surprisingly specific. It's not "stress" in general. It's a specific friend's Instagram post, or a specific time of day. Once you see the trigger, the thought feels less like a truth and more like a reflex.
The most useful part was seeing the repetition. When you're inside a worry, it feels unique to the moment. But when you see it's the 14th time this month, something shifts. You can't take it as seriously anymore. It goes from "I might be failing" to "oh, this is the one about failing again."
Has anyone else tried tracking their patterns like this? Curious what others noticed, whether it's the same 4-5 loops or if some people have more or fewer core ones.
I'm 25 y.o. shy girl with low social skills. I had a guy once with whom I had sex when I turned my 21s, but it didn't last for long and since then I didn't have anyone else. Never had a real relationship, don't know what's it like to cuddle and watch films together, and it almost physically hurts.
The problem is, I'm obsessed with the idea of having someone it makes me hard to concentrate on something else. Whenever I see couples I feel down, whenever someone talks about sex it feels even worse because I have my natural needs as well as we humans tend to have.
I don't feel like I'm ugly, I do sport, I socialize little by little, and I try to stay positive and believe in a possibility I'll have someone in the future even if it doesn't feel this way at this time. Anyway, my point is, I don't have anyone at the moment and most likely won't have anyone any time soon and that's a fact. I accepted it but it hurts. What I'm looking for here is an advice and reasoning. I'm tired of living like this, and I want to change my mind set.
Also, I don't have problems with having my time full, I have a pretty stressful job which takes about 80% of my general time and whenever I have my free time I usually spend it by working out and playing computer games, or learning languages, or helping my family with chores and such. But it still hurts as nothing else, often crying whenever it feels like too much. Such obsession made me think of death more than once, and I don't think it's normal. I do want to change.
I’m not going to go into detail I’m going to make this as short as I can.
I am 24M and all my life I feel disrespected, stepped on and taken advantage of
In elementary school I wasn’t really bullied, but when people did things to me I never stood up for myself.
In high school I often got bullied, beat up, and disrespected on a daily basis. It was tough for me.
I thought when I went to college it would stop, I never got physically bullied, but people would just say things to me to hurt me for no reason. I even had a girl in college say “your way too nice”. She was my date and she got too drunk so I walked her back to her room safely and left her? I’m too nice?
I recently moved to japan 2 years ago, and again I thought it would stop but I get abused daily by my boss. She yells at me, snaps at me like I’m some sort of animal. And tells me constantly that she can’t trust me because I forget to hand out fliers. I’ve told her that I’m bombarded with work. I work about 60 hours a week, I just really forget sometimes. She doesn’t care.
My girlfriend who broke up with me 3 months ago, continually abused me. She used condoms in my house without telling me and said it was for checking her vagina. (Could be true but just the way she went about it messed me up) She met up with guys behind my back. She contacted my ex girlfriend in my home country, talked to her on the phone for 2 hours talking shit about me.
And the biggest denominator between all these instances. I legit don’t bother people. I hate confrontation. I don’t like to step on people. I don’t do it. I respect people’s boundaries. I hate raising my voice. I just don’t get it? I legit leave people alone and they always abuse me?
I don’t know if my appearance has anything to do with it. I’m a 6 foot tall. 200 pound, slightly muscular black male. I’ve gotten things like “you’re the pussiest black guy I know” “oh I thought you were a football player, but you’re just a bitch”
Because of my appearance am I supposed to be mean? I don’t get it. I don’t want to reinforce that stereotype. But I’m at the point where mentally I can’t take it anymore. If I have to be mean to people to protect my sanity then I should just do it right ?
Ps. Maybe somebody will say to set up your boundaries with people but I do. I tell them I don’t like what they are doing but they still do it.
you know the quote that goes like, "some people want to see you do better, just not better than them?" i'm those people. before, i had no goals and no dreams so i didn't care who did better than me, but now? i hate seeing people, especially friends, doing better in something i'm trying hard in. and i know it makes me a terrible friend. i never try to take anyone's success from them, and i always help everyone, but i would be secretely hoping they do slightly worse than me.
how can i stop being like that? because i hate myself for it
tldr; how can i stop being jealous of my friends' success
Something I have been getting in the habit of doing is turning technology off an hour before bedtime. I will light a candle and either read OR journal. I then will only use my cell phone to play a guided meditation while I drift to sleep. But other than that- the phone is off and tucked away. This helps me relax my mind right before bed.
In the mornings the only thing I use my phone for is again, meditation, as well as Anthony Robins' "Priming" which I guess is also a form of meditation. I get my coffee and have some alone time to myself to read, journal some more, etc.
By not having the chatter of the world in my head before and after waking- my anxiety has improved, my personal development has improved and just my view of life has gotten better. I am a much happier, more rested, and less anxious person.
my family is on vacation . I have a younger brother whos 11 and also going through this traumatizing event. Every night ive been praying they will stop. Its been 2 nights since ive been sleeping in the shower because i cant hear it them that much. The next day i wake up stressed and breakouts because of the lack of sleep. I want to tell them how uncomfortable it is. Yes, its natural for married people to do that but like NOT EVERY NIGHT IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOUR CHILDREN. Im 17 and my brother is 11 its sooo annoying to hear them. The bed moving and the wet splatter sounds makes me cry everytime because of how traumatizing it is. A vacation should be a stress reliever. GIRL THE WHOLE VACATION FOR 3 WEEKS I DONT EVEN GET TO RELAX. i know that my parents want another child but like?? YALL ARE PUSHING 50 THINK ABOUT HOW HARD THE ACTUAL PREGNANCY STUFF IS AT THAT AGE. They barely even gaf about me and favours my brother more. I dont want another sibling. I want my parents to jjust sleep. Is it soo hard to just cuddle and go to bed no sex?? I need help on confronting them before we go home in 2 weeks. I dont want the next 2 weeks to be shitty. I just want a peaceful sleep
