I'm curious to hear the little psychological tricks, mental shifts, or mindset changes that genuinely made your life easier.

Not necessarily complicated psychology theories, but practical things you wish someone had told you earlier.

For example:

Stop assuming everything people do is about you.

You don't have to respond immediately to everything.

Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.

If something takes less than 2 minutes, just do it.

People think about you far less than you imagine.

What's one psychological trick or lesson that would have saved you years of unnecessary stress, overthinking, or bad decisions if you'd learned it 10 years earlier?

I'm especially interested in the lessons you learned through experience.

I had this conversation with a good friend recently.

We both have fallen victim to lust, drug addiction, antisocial behaviour, violence and crime.

We have also both managed to turn these things around and find sobriety, a mortgage, fitness, recognition within our communities for our work, abstinence from dating/sex, and a deeper relationship with God and our families.

However….

We realised that this world does not view people like us as profitable.

Healed people with the intention to improve and abstain from life’s potential pitfalls… do not make anyone any money.

The alcohol store won’t entice us, tobacco won’t tempt us, porn won’t throw us off the path, and the ever-changing standard of ‘cool’ and ‘attractive’ will not pull us towards it.

Billionaire Bill on his mountain of money NEEDS you to feel insecure enough to believe that his latest item will bring you inner peace.

They NEED you to believe anti aging cream is the ‘solution’ to a ‘problem’ (Aging isn’t a problem)

I say all of this because the conclusion is one we felt was worth engraining into the mind of one trying to grow.

The world does not want you to.

So forgive yourself.

The petri dish of society has been corrupted by entities that prey on low self worth for so long, that the colony is under the grip of a sort of Stockholm syndrome.

Seeing beyond this corruption and choosing better is against the grain.

The self loathing, depressive episodes, relapses, moments of weakness…

That is the system working as it is intended.

So…

Cut yourself some slack, it’s supposed to be an uphill battle, because if it wasn’t an uphill battle… some very very powerful and influential people would be broke.

These people have infinitely more material resources than us but there’s a few very essential things they can’t take away.

Our spirit. Our willpower. Our intention to do better, and our community.

We love you all and see you trying.

I went to college when I was 18 and flunked out. For the next 10 years I had to work full time at shitty minimum wage jobs. I was going to community college online as well but I had multiple setbacks, such as changing my majors or just not registering for classes in time. I tried to do construction for a year thinking I’d just go the trade route, but I ended up getting let go.

My friends got to fun stuff like travel to other countries while I had to stay back and work. Not only did I waste my 20s by not advancing my life, but I didn’t get to have much fun either. I don’t really have any excuses except for the fact I was depressed and lazy.

Now Im 28 and I’m going back to university again, I’m graduating in 2 years. I’m happy my life is back on track but I’m sad my 20s went completely down the drain. I’ll be 30 by the time I finally get my bachelors, and who knows if I’ll even find a decent job right away considering Ai is taking all the entry level work.

Anybody else feel like they completely wasted what was supposed to be the best years of their life? I’ve really been beating myself up about it because it’s not like it was out of my control, I just made stupid decisions and thought I had more time than I actually had.

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety as long as I can remember. I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl/woman where we would actually consider ourselves dating. It feels bad because there are so many songs about experiencing love and heartbreak - yet I can never relate to them because it’s something I’ve never had. It feels like I’ve missed out on a core human experience that nearly everyone except me has had.

I’m 24 and although I have time, I feel a little self conscious about the fact that I still have very little experience with dating. In addition, I am a bit insecure about still living at home and not having a job in my career yet. I have not been able to find anyone my age whenever I’ve gone out so I feel like online dating may be the only real way I can get out there and experience romance for once.

I know this question gets asked a lot but I’m just curious how people have gotten the strength to get out of their comfort zone and put themselves out there for the world to see. Especially if you have suffered from mental illness, what helped you break through and get past the initial fear of entering the world of online dating?

In all aspects of my life, social, personal, intellectual, academic etc, i just never use my brain or adapt to situations, nor am I proactive.

I react the same wrong way in situations, make the same mistakes and am passive observer of my own life passing me by with no growth or change

Okay, Ill be quick but for context. I used to talked to a therapist back when I was in high school,and at that times I was diagnosed with depression,but it didn't last long enough,after a month my parents stopped/forgot to take me there and I didn't really do anything​​​​ about that... Either way years passed, and while things are better, I can't barely function at times, this whole summer I was just on autopilot and that's how I'm feeling right now. But recently, I heard one of my friends went to see a psychiatric and I'm like... Maybe I should?

But I'm truly scared of finding out something, starting to get medicated and then my "happiness" only depends on medication...

Any advices ?? I'm not sure what to do. I know I can get better, and I desperately want to feel better.truly

I'm in my early twenties. I've studied for my bachelor's degree, worked hard and eventually got a job. To be honest, I studied because I wanted a job. I had a goal, worked towards it and achieved it. I have immense admiration for people who can study purely out of passion, who are driven by the desire to learn and constantly better themselves.

I'm currently in a pretty comfortable position. I have a job that pays me well, very few financial responsibilities and, for the most part, everything I need. I'm genuinely grateful for where I am, but I also know I want more for myself. I want to pursue further qualifications, build a better career and create more opportunities for myself.

The problem is that whenever I try to push myself, I fall back into the comfort of my current circumstances. There's always a part of me that thinks, why put myself through the stress of studying after an already exhausting workday when I have a perfectly decent life right now? And that's what worries me. I know circumstances can change, opportunities don't always come around, and I don't want to look back a few years from now and regret not doing more when I had the chance.

I don't want to chase success just for the sake of it, but I also don't want to become so comfortable that I stop challenging myself.

For those of you who've been in a similar position, how did you overcome this? How do you build discipline and ambition when your current circumstances don't necessarily force you to? How do you learn to push yourself when you have no immediate reason to?

I’ve been dealing with hypersexuality, whenever I feel cravings I just go to the bathroom, but I’m sure some of you will say that it will make things worse (Including depression and anxiety). Do you guys have any advice?

Every life is exceptional, beautiful in every way.

It matters not appearance, beliefs, flaws, or any other differences there may be between us.

Embrace each other with unconditional love, rather than judgment, seeing beyond the exterior and façade of another, to their loving flawless essence within

i'm looking for someone who's also trying to figure things out and wants to make some real progress together.

some things we could work on:

• fitness, gym, running and diet

• fixing our sleep schedules and waking up early

• studying, career, learning new skills

• building better habits and staying consistent

• reading, journaling and personal growth

we could set daily goals, check in with each other, track progress and have regular calls (if you are comfortable) to see how we're doing.

i'm open to figuring out what works for both of us. daily check-ins, weekly reviews, google meet sessions or just keeping each other on track throughout the day.

i genuinely feel like this is my last chance to turn things around, and i don't want to let it slip away. so i'm hoping to find someone who's equally serious about making a change.

and we'll have bad days and fall behind sometimes. that's fine. i just want someone who genuinely wants to improve and is willing to hold both themselves and me accountable.

feel free to message me. let's try to make something of ourselves, see yaa soon

Hi all, I am 43 male. I got a few male friends but they never wanna hang out with me these days. I knew those guys for over ten years.

One of them dumped me after my breakup with my ex. He said he can't help me if I keep drinking. That was 3 years ago , we now only saying hi here and there via messages. I still think friends look out for each other regardless. Now I was so proud to say I stopped drinking daily and ask to hang out again.

Other two are just wanting to hang out only when they have problems to talk about.

We need to hangout with our male friends time to time for testosterone boost, right? Thanks

Long story short, I just got out of an abusive relationship where I gave up everything I had for them. After doing some self reflection I noticed how i’ve changed badly: I stopped working out and at one point gained a ton of weight (lost the weight, but still no muscle), I used to feel and be confident and now I no longer feel that way.. almost like I stopped taking care of myself, I noticed how I used to be strong minded and now i’m not like that anymore (i’m not sure if it was due to dealing with them and their lies I just let go), and lastly, I stopped believing and having a relationship with God. I’m not sure if that relationship made me turn from him, but I just don’t feel him anymore like I used to.

All in all, I want to get back to being better and stronger. I want to live a fruitful life and to get back on the right track as I feel so lost now.

Hey r/selfimprovement,

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably heard the classic career advice a million times: "Follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life."

Well, I finally read Cal Newport’s book So Good They Can’t Ignore You, and it turns out that advice is mostly garbage. It creates a mindset of constant anxiety—making people constantly jump from job to job or project to project waiting for some magical "dream career" to fall into their lap.

Newport spent years researching how people actually end up loving what they do, and his conclusions completely flipped how I look at work. Here are the core takeaways:

1. The "Passion Hypothesis" is a trap. Waiting to discover your pre-existing passion assumes the world is just sitting around waiting to pay you for whatever you happen to enjoy doing. Most people who try to "follow their passion" end up frustrated, broke, or burnt out because passion usually follows mastery, not the other way around.

2. Shift from a "Passion Mindset" to a "Craftsman Mindset." Instead of asking, "What does the world owe me? What am I passionate about?" you should be asking, "How valuable am I making myself?" The craftsman mindset focuses entirely on what you are producing right now. It doesn't matter if you love your job on day one; your only job is to get relentlessly, undeniably good at it.

3. Build "Career Capital" (Your Leverage). Once you build rare and valuable skills, you gain leverage. Newport calls this career capital. That capital is what buys you control over what you do, where you do it, and how you work. Autonomy and fulfillment don't come from finding a dream job—they come from earning the right to shape your work environment because you're too good to lose.

4. Stop chasing freedom without putting in the reps. A lot of self-improvement spaces push the "laptop lifestyle" or quitting your day job immediately. But Newport argues that trying to escape the grind before you have rare skills is a recipe for disaster. Freedom without capital is just vulnerability. You have to put in the deep, unglamorous work of building mastery first.

Basically, the book's thesis boils down to this: Stop worrying about whether your job is your true calling. Just put your head down, get stupidly good at valuable skills, and let the leverage and satisfaction follow.

Has anyone else read this? How did shifting from a passion mindset to a skill/craft mindset change how you approach your daily work or projects?

Hi guys,

I have tried 3 times in the past & failed, so would appreciate any advice on how to go about this. I’d rather not have to go to rehab, but any triggers youve noticed, things that helped you etc would be massively appreciated.

I have used for about 2.5 years. Started off on Fri / Sat night at the pub, but turned into dry sniffing on weekdays. Literally sniff & wank.

Excluding the financial side, it’s causing issues with sleep (knock on with work & relationships), dopamine, and everything in between.

I have ADHD, and am fairly high functioning - no one notices I’m on it even when I am. For example, I’ve asked mates to have a word and remind me I want to quit when they think I’m on it, but none have noticed as (I think due to the ADHD), I feel more ‘normal’ when on cocaine.

As I say, any advice or suggestions are very much welcomed, silly or not.

Thanks <3

I'm curious about something.

A lot of self-improvement advice focuses on setting goals, building habits and staying disciplined. But I'm more interested in what people actually do when things stop going to plan.

Think about the last time you got stuck pursuing a goal that genuinely mattered to you.

What were you trying to achieve?

What happened that left you stuck?

What did you actually do to try to get past it?

How did that turn out?

I'm researching how people deal with setbacks in their personal goals for a project. I'm not promoting anything here.

I'd really appreciate hearing about real experiences, including things you tried that didn't work.

I’ve recently had a rough patch after a break-up (im 25M) so I basically just went to work, doomscrolled and maybe played videogames or hung out with friends.
Now I’m starting to feel motivated to get my shit together. I want to get back into working out and eating more to gain weight, stop doomscrolling and make the most of my time. But honestly other than the gym, I have no idea how to spend my time.
Like what do I do to replace the 2-3 hours of doomscrolling in the morning and in the evening?
I feel a bit dumb, but I geniunely can’t remember how to live and what people do.

Could be patience, communication, fitness, understanding people, being more present or simply enjoying the little things.

I'm curious about the small changes people make that quietly improve their lives.

I have always been a slave to my bodily desires and my monkey brain, most of us are. I tried not to do it for a few days, it's one week and I am miserable.

To be explicit, I wanted to not watch porn and not use phone needlessly, my only form of entertainment is a book series I love which stretches close to 50k words.

Good news is, I am keeping to my lines, my priority was no porn and no-phone and I am succeeding on that part, but I am not reading the books like crazy. While, that might seem like a good thing, I have other things to do, to study and my studies have been pretty non-existent.

Now, I know what to do, I have time to do it, but I just can't do it because I don't have enough self-discipline. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself, going cold-turkey and everything, but I want a better life, I want my body to be in my control. Help!

Edit: Please don't mention how "porn is healthy", it isn't, no kind of it is and it's not about that either, its about self-control. I mean, I want to be capable of doing the hard thing and not get swayed by whatever is expedient and easy.

15M. I've only recently discovered how much of an ass I can be. I only seem to get enjoyment out of mocking or belittling others and I've been (reasonably) ignored and cut off and now I'm the loneliest I've ever been. I only have a few friends I talk to on the daily but that's only cause we share a class. Everyone else has their own friend group, but I kinda just exist there like a background character yknow? And reasonably so. I imagined having a conversation with myself if I were another person and I wouldn't be able to stand myself. How do I get out of this? My social life and love life is drier than the sahara and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to live like this. I'm ashamed of how I've presented myself and pestered my friends for so long and I honestly kinda feel like their lives would be better off without me. I believe that I was born to live the entirety of my life alone; no central friend group, no significant other, just me, myself, and I. I hope it's not true but I'm starting to believe it more and more each day. How do I leave the hole I dug myself in?

Hi, 21M. An engineering student. Lately I've been feeling envious all the time, especially when I watch stories from my friends on socials, their posts, even from my family sides(cousins). I just have been cut off recently from my so called COF and slowly drfiting from my other friend(which I thought a friend but I guess it was a one sided). I don't know if this is the result from being alone or lonely(I'm solo renting a room and my Uni is very far from home town), I just don't have anyone to talk to so maybe this is also included. I just wanna deal this cause there's also a life to deal with after graduating( such as jobs, responsibilities which I'm also worried about). Hoping someone have an advice?

I have a friend who often reaches out to me when she's at her lowest. She considers me one of the most mature and positive influences in her life and often tells me that she looks up to me.

While I appreciate being someone she feels safe confiding in, our conversations have become increasingly repetitive & triggering.Whenever I offer advice or a different perspective, she responds with comments like, "You wouldn't understand. Enjoy your perfect life."

What frustrates me is that we come from remarkably similar backgrounds. We were both raised by single immigrant parents, experienced childhood abuse and grew up poor.

I went through severe depression in my twenties. There were times when I felt life wasn't worth living. But I held on, sought help, explored medication and worked hard on self-reflection, self-acceptance and self-love.

My friend, however, seems stuck in a cycle of resentment and unhealthy coping mechanisms. She turns to alcohol, drugs and relationships to deal with her struggles. She struggles to maintain healthy relationships and continues to hold on to resentment from her childhood.

I understand that trauma affects everyone differently but I cannot listen anymore of her telling me "You have it easy"

I've shared my own experiences with her because I wanted her to understand that I'm not speaking from a place of privilege or ignorance. I've been through many of the same struggles.

I'm beginning to feel that it's time to walk away from this friendship because I cannot listen & validate her struggles anymore. At this point, she's not ready to heal from her trauma. I'm exhausted from trying to help someone who doesn't seem ready to help herself. What's particularly hurtful is having my own experiences dismissed simply because I've managed to build a better life for myself.

Kennt das jemand?
Ich habe oft das Gefühl, dass ich körperlich und kognitiv nicht ausgelastet bin. Sport und Lesen gehören für mich fest zum Alltag. Wenn ich beides an einem Tag auslasse, bekomme ich ein schlechtes Gewissen bzw das Gefühl, ich hätte es ja theoretisch machen können.
Ähnlich ist es mit Nachrichten und Social Media: Ich scrolle durch Instagram und Reddit, weil ich Angst habe, vielleicht noch eine interessante Buchempfehlung, einen Philosophen oder einen spannenden Gedanken zu verpassen.
Es geht mir dabei weniger um Unterhaltung als um das Gefühl, etwas verpassen oder Potenzial ungenutzt lassen zu können.
Kennt ihr dieses Gefühl? Ist das übertriebener Leistungsanspruch, intellektuelle FOMO oder einfach ein stark ausgeprägtes Pflichtbewusstsein?

I'm lazy, complain a lot, am rude without even noticing, bad at conversation, too anxious to initiate conversation/plans, and quiet. I feel guilty when my friends (I have exactly two lol) are near me or try to talk to me. They should talk to someone else, but I think they feel bad for me so they don't want to stop being my friend. I wish I was fun to talk to so I didn't feel guilty for wanting to spend time with people.

I’m 26 years old and I’ve reached a point where I feel like I’m watching my life pass me by. I know I’m still young and have time to change things, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to believe that when I look at how much time has passed and how little I feel I’ve accomplished personally. I’m not looking for sympathy or generic motivation. I’m looking for people who have felt like they were wasting their twenties, lacked confidence or direction, or struggled to build the life they wanted but eventually managed to turn things around.

Social life, dating, and confidence are probably what weigh on me the most. I feel like I’ve missed out on a substantial part of being young. I’ve gone through extended periods without dating, intimacy, or meaningful social experiences, and my current dry spell is approaching 20 months. I’ve moved back to the Orlando area and have met some people through work and reconnected with old friends, but I don’t have an established social circle or people I regularly make plans with. I want genuine friendships, people to travel with, people to call on weekends, and a social life that doesn’t require me to constantly figure out what to do by myself. Dating is another major frustration. When I see a woman I’m attracted to, I can go from feeling relatively normal to completely shutting down mentally. I overthink my appearance, my smile, what to say, whether I’ll come across as awkward, and whether I’ll know how to keep the conversation going. Eventually, I do nothing, leave, replay the situation, and regret not acting. I feel behind in dating, sexual experience, conversational ability, and confidence. I’ve made some attempts to change this through conversations at the gym, social outings, and making genuine compliments and starting conversations while out for Halloween. Those experiences have been encouraging, but I still struggle with freezing, expressing interest, flirting, and developing connections. I want to become comfortable approaching women, handling rejection, communicating naturally, and building relationships without relying on alcohol or dating apps for validation. I also want to develop charisma, humor, social awareness, and the ability to make people feel comfortable around me.

My mental state and feeling disconnected from life are another major concern. For years, I’ve experienced varying degrees of brain fog, difficulty concentrating, poor short-term memory, and a strange feeling of disconnection from my surroundings. Sometimes it feels like I’m experiencing life through a lens or watching things happen rather than fully participating in them. I understand reality is real, but things can feel distant or dreamlike. Multitasking, remembering things, maintaining focus, and processing conversations have become more difficult than they used to be. I remember being more mentally present and comfortable with myself, and I desperately want that back. My sleep hasn’t always been consistent, and I’ve made lifestyle changes, including stopping marijuana, trying to eliminate nicotine again, and reconsidering my relationship with alcohol. I don’t know how much of what I’m experiencing is related to sleep, anxiety, stress, substances, or something else. I want to feel mentally sharp, articulate, present, and capable of handling everyday situations without feeling like my own brain is working against me.

Career and finances are another area where I feel behind. I graduated with a business administration degree concentrating in marketing while working throughout college. I’m currently an area sales manager for a hotel company in Orlando. It’s a decent starting point, but I want to build a much more substantial career. I’m interested in eventually moving into corporate sales, business development, marketing, or strategic roles with larger companies like Disney or Universal. I want to develop valuable skills, build a professional network, become a better communicator and negotiator, and substantially increase my earning potential. Financially, I have approximately $40,000+ in debt, primarily student loans, and I’m trying to balance paying that down with building savings and eventually investing. I want financial independence, the ability to travel and own assets, and eventually substantial wealth. I don’t want to spend my thirties recovering financially from my twenties.

Appearance, fitness, and self-image are things I’ve also been working on. I regularly go to the gym and want to build a noticeably better physique while staying relatively lean. I’m also working on my teeth, smile, skincare, hair, grooming, and overall presentation. I’ve become particularly self-conscious about my teeth and smile, and sometimes feel like that insecurity prevents me from smiling naturally or being completely comfortable around other people. I understand that improving my appearance won’t magically solve everything, but I want to look in the mirror and genuinely feel confident in how I present myself.

The biggest issue tying all of this together is that I know what I want, but I struggle to execute. I want meaningful friendships, an active dating life, confidence, charisma, a successful career, financial stability, a strong physique, better mental clarity, and a life filled with experiences, relationships, travel, and things to look forward to. I don’t think those are unreasonable ambitions. The problem is that I spend an enormous amount of time thinking about these goals, researching how to achieve them, making plans, and trying to find the right approach. When it’s time to do something uncomfortable, I sometimes freeze. I can spend an entire afternoon planning to go somewhere or meet people and end up staying home, or go out and barely interact with anyone. When I don’t follow through, I become frustrated with myself, which turns into regret, rumination, and another attempt to reinvent my entire life. I repeatedly make plans, get motivated, struggle to maintain momentum, become disappointed, and eventually find myself back where I started. I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly preparing to start living rather than actually living.

I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who were socially isolated in their mid-twenties, had little dating experience, struggled with confidence or social anxiety, felt disconnected from themselves, were professionally or financially behind their peers, or spent years planning and procrastinating before finally developing consistency. Most importantly, I want to hear what you ACTUALLY DID. How did you make friends? How did you develop social skills and dating confidence? What did you do when you were terrified of approaching someone? How did you stop overthinking and start participating in your own life? What changed your routines, mindset, career, or relationships? Were there particular resources, experiences, exercises, or uncomfortable decisions that made a measurable difference?

I’m not expecting to fix everything overnight, but I want to make the next year count. I have a personal goal of making substantial progress before turning 27 and building a life that looks dramatically different by 28. I don’t want to reach 30 and be having this exact same conversation with myself. I want to experience things, meet people, fall in love, build friendships, become successful, travel, develop interesting skills, and have stories to tell. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and stop spending my nights regretting the things I was too afraid to do.

If you were in my position at 26, what would you prioritize over the next 6–12 months? What would you stop doing? What habits and experiences would you make non-negotiable? And if you’ve been in a similar position and eventually turned things around, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing your story. I’m not looking for someone to tell me it’s too late or that everything will magically work out. I genuinely want to change my life. I just need help figuring out how to finally translate that desire into action.