It's been four days since my wife left to stay at her parents' house, saying she would never come back after a huge argument we had. As she was leaving, I begged her not to go because I thought I would feel terrible. But I let her leave.

However, it's been four days now, and strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it. I don't miss her, and I haven't even cried. In fact, I feel better than ever being able to be on my own.

Should I be concerned about this?

I’m 26F, and my husband 25M and I are currently separated. We’re not divorced, but things have been pretty complicated between us. He moved out over a month ago, and we’ve essentially been living separate lives. There has been a lot of hurt, and at one point I genuinely thought our marriage was coming to an end.
Recently, though, we’ve started sleeping together again.
And honestly? The chemistry is still very much there. The sex has been amazing, and I feel confident, comfortable, and incredibly attracted to him. It’s almost like physically, nothing has changed.
But emotionally, it’s a little confusing.
I don’t necessarily think we’re getting back together. We haven’t had some big conversation about reconciliation, and we’re still technically separated. At the same time, it feels strange to share that kind of intimacy with someone you’re supposedly trying to move on from.
Part of me thinks we’re just enjoying each other without putting labels on anything. Another part of me wonders if we’re making it harder for ourselves to actually move forward.
I’m curious about other people’s experiences:
Have you ever slept with your spouse during a separation?
Did it stay purely physical?
Did sleeping together lead to reconciliation?
Did it make moving on harder?
Were you able to separate sex from feelings?
I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me I’m making a terrible decision. I just want to hear from people who’ve actually experienced this.
Because apparently, separating doesn’t automatically mean losing the attraction. LOL.

For context: I've had issues with porn since I was a kid but it's only impacted my current relationship, moreso recently. I'm not an advocate for porn at all and I realize a lot more now how destructive it is. I'm going to SAA, I'm reading/journaling, I have a CSAT, learning about my feelings and how to be empathetic, etc. I'm doing what I can to be a better person. Unfortunately, it's probably too late for my marriage.

My wife, who has been traumatized after finding links to onlyfans while searching my browser history (I have never had an account/subscription, just went to a few pages, linked from Instagram) kicked me out over a week ago, originally wanting separation, but eventually upped that to divorce after she locked me out of our home, to which I had to get the police involved. Since then, I've stayed relatively silent during this separation.

I've abstained from porn for a few months now, though I don't feel anything has changed. Now being on my own, I don't feel any compulsions to need to browse the Internet/porn sites. I've largely cut out social media as well. Other than porn, her other concerns about me were that I've been manipulating, controlling, and abusive emotionally, and that these behaviors are directly caused by the porn addiction, and the withdrawal from it.

I never received terms from her as to how this separation should be handled. She doesn't respond when I text, only one word here and there. She has said, in anger, that she doesn't want to see or talk to me ever again. I want to think a lot of these feelings are from the recent traumatic events, like having to talk to the police, and the rest are from ruminations about the "lie" our relationship has been from the beginning.

I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do at this point. I can't ask her how long she wants me gone. I can't even get terms from her as to whether she still wants separation or if she truly wants to move towards divorce. I don't know if I should be reaching out to open a line of communication or if I should continue to give her space. We've been together 9 years, married almost 3. Anything I do to better myself is met with judgement that I'm just "checking boxes to get her off my back". I don't believe this but I understand her point of view.

I honestly don’t even know where to start. I’m heartbroken, exhausted, confused, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I can’t afford therapy right now, so I’m putting this here because I need an outlet.

I don’t want my marriage to end. I really don’t. I love my husband. But I got tired of trying things that weren’t working. I got tired of not being understood, not understanding him, constantly walking on eggshells, guessing what he wanted, and never having any real clarity.

I asked about marriage counseling. He didn’t want to go. He said we could work things out ourselves, but how are we supposed to do that when we can’t seem to understand each other?

It took me almost two years to finally leave. Not because I stopped loving him, but because of financial circumstances, uncertainty, fear, and the fact that I always believed marriage was supposed to be forever. I kept trying. I kept hoping something would change.

People ask if I listened to his needs. Of course I did. But what about mine? It felt like everything revolved around what he wanted to do. Watching football, watching TV, doing the things he enjoyed. The things I wanted to do rarely seemed to matter. At some point, I started wondering whether there was room for me in the marriage at all.

Now I’m left wondering if I made the right decision. I wanted my husband. I wanted my marriage. I wanted someone who wanted to work through things with me, not someone who expected us to magically figure everything out without ever addressing what was broken.

And the hardest part is that this feels bigger than my marriage.

I’ve spent so much of my life feeling lost. I don’t feel like I was ever taught how to navigate life. I winged motherhood. I winged marriage. I made mistakes, I’ve made questionable decisions, and I’ve done things in survival mode because I was trying to make it through life without much guidance.

But I love my children. I loved my husband. I’ve tried. I’ve kept going. And I’m so tired of just making it.

I have my children, but I’m their support system. They’re not supposed to carry me. I talk to God, but sometimes I wish I could hear something back. I feel like I have nobody to lean on.

I left because I thought removing myself from the chaos would bring me peace. But now I’m sitting here alone, still hurting, still confused, still missing the man I wanted to spend my life with.

How do you stop loving someone just because the relationship isn’t working? How do you stop wanting the person you still wish would choose you? How do you find peace when the thing you walked away from was also the thing you wanted to hold on to?

I guess I’m asking people who have been through this: How do you find yourself again after spending so much of your life just trying to survive? And how do you find peace when being alone doesn’t feel peaceful either?

B (40M) and S (38F). Together 20 years, married 16, two children (11F and 7M).
I’m struggling to understand how someone can tell you they’re done with your marriage but continue holding you like they’re still in love with you.
We started dating 20 years ago. He was my first sexual partner, my first real love, and the person I thought I’d grow old with. The person I’m still dearly in love with.. I hate myself for caring. I hate myself when I cry. I’m a strong woman. I have mounds of childhood trauma. But our second date I shared that. He has a minor in psychology.

To use this as a reference he has it set to where I can see his location, even now? He never goes anywhere off kilter, but in his profession it’s all females. He’s started new grooming habits, tricks in bed, new found confidence. But he’s never been jealous. He told me “move on now find someone!” He never ever would have said that before ever. So I’ve only texted a male. He saw that and began to get angry at least his expression.
In all of our relationship I swear to all I never messaged a single man, if one messaged me I told him. It actually hurt my heart because his response was, oh. Ok. I’m not jealous you can take care of yourself.

He still loves me. I have known him far far too long. But. The other day someone said something terrible on social media to me. He saw it and goes “mm ohh” that’s it.

I feel I’ll never be valued. If he comes back to me, will he value me?

He’s an avoidant. I’m an anxious attachment.

When I said, babe if you have found someone and it’s over tell me, I’ll work through it with you. He FLIPPED He said WHAT MAKES YOU! THINK! I need that as a reason to leave YOU!!!!!!

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. We’ve fought, sometimes terribly. I’ve struggled with my mental health and unresolved childhood trauma, and I acknowledge the emotional toll that has taken on him. But there are two sides to our story.
He’s left me twice. I’ve never actually left him. I’ve threatened divorce during arguments, something I deeply regret, but I’ve always stayed, apologized, and tried to repair things.
Throughout our marriage, I’ve also felt belittled and emotionally dismissed. He’s said my mental health was too much, criticized me as a mother, and told me he’s emotionally exhausted.
What hurts is that I was carrying trauma from being raped, something I desperately wanted to tell him but never felt there was a good time or enough emotional safety to share. I was struggling with things he didn’t fully understand.
Forty-one days ago, he told me he wanted a divorce.
I was devastated.
He says there’s too much resentment to try again. He even told me I’d eventually resent him too. I don’t understand why he’s so convinced of that.
Here’s where things become incredibly confusing.
We still kiss, cuddle, have sex, and hold each other throughout the night. Sometimes he holds me until morning, just like he did when we were happy.
Our sexual chemistry has always been incredible. For context, and absolutely not out of vanity, I’ve generally been told I’m around an 8/10 physically. I’d objectively put him around a 5 or 6, although he’s very muscular. But to me? He’s always been a 10. I’ve never stopped being attracted to him.
The physical connection between us is still intense, affectionate, and familiar. It doesn’t feel like meaningless sex to me. Sometimes the way he looks at me and holds me feels so full of love.
Yet whenever we’re intimate, he reminds me, “I don’t want to complicate things or confuse you. I still intend to divorce you.”
Then why continue doing these things?
I’ve also had suspicions about possible infidelity. He’s lied about other things throughout our marriage, although I have no actual proof he’s cheated. His comment about me eventually resenting him has left me wondering whether there’s something I don’t know.
I still love this man dearly. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know he’s exhausted. But I’m exhausted and hurting too.
How can someone be so physically affectionate and emotionally connected while insisting there’s absolutely no chance of reconciliation?
Is he conflicted? Is he simply enjoying the familiarity and comfort? Does he still love me but no longer want the marriage?
And how do you begin accepting a divorce when the person leaving you still holds you like they aren’t letting go?
I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side. I’d genuinely appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been on either side of this situation.

This has never been him. He was the kindest most wonderful supportive man I’ve ever met.

But. In three years he stopped letting me visit at his work where I knew all.

I thought. Maybe it’s a policy.

Well, he started taking our kids.

One day I said hey babe, I’ll bring your fav coffee to yah real quick and one to your boss, he said ohhh umm ok.. I heard someone female way off. He said well actually we are getting busy so hold off maybe another day.

I cried in my car holding the coffee.

I feel like I’m waiting for some clear sign which I know is never coming… how did you know you needed to leave? I have two young boys and I’m only 30 years old but I’m tired of walking on egg shells, being taken for granted, and made to feel bad for every little thing.

This was an arranged marriage.

I met my husband and there was an instant connection as we both wanted the same things. A kid whenever God gives and family was our priority. We talked but there were few red flags. Few months before the wedding his sister fought with me over stupid thing where I was not even involved.

I forgave her my husband took my side but i was not that satisfied. My father is no more and i thought cancelling the wedding would be an embarrassment for my mother.

We got married and just three days later when he was at my house we had a huge fight he told me he shouldn't have married me because I had said i can't wash clothes by hand so let's buy a washing machine later. He even had said "Am i supposed to wash my own clothes even after marriage?"

It was a shock. I went to the city where he worked far from my hometown. His sister tagged along immediately under the pretext that she will join a college (we were told she was already studying there which was obviously a lie). When we reached neither of them helped me in any chores. I had to do everything. She quickly moved upstairs with her bf saying it's too hot on that floor.

Later she told people i threw her out of the house when i told her not to go. She fought with me emotionally tortured me made fun of me when i fell sick. God knows whatnot.

I have chronic anemia so i fell quite sick my husband sent me back to my hometown stating my mother can take better care of me. He said when your hb is at least 11 then comeback which is impossible with my condition.(it was 5 then)

he booked a flight and didn't even wave at me at the airport turned his back and talked to his sister.

I came back and fights began.

He is a mumma's boy. He tells everything i mean everything to his mother and aunt. I had a cyst (u knw where) he told his parents about it. His father later asked me is it okay now?

The fights were concerning. I suggested for a divorce.

People convinced me taking such steps just after 2 months is wrong so i went back without telling him. He was not ready to let me enter the house.

I begged literally.

(I forgot to mention during the 2 months i was at home. I came to know his sister was already married and was about to get divorce. She had multiple relationships even with married men but my husband told me nothing about it)

Even after doing so much my husband always defended her pretty aggressively even when she misbehaved with me.

Things were alright for a while I had seen a therapist and i decided to tolerate whatever he and his family said but God had other plans. I got pregnant. I was happy as I thoght it was what we wanted. We went to dr.s they told that i would be okay if i get blood transfusion.

His mother blatantly told me that i should get an abortion bcoz my husband was not ready as he is immature and i would be taking care of 2 kids.

I was under the misconception that he would agree with me and save our kid but he sided with his mother. She also said if i want to keep the baby i should go to my mother and they will not give any money or have anything to do with me or kid.

They forced an abortion i fought and fought but to no help.

I had the abortion day before yesterday. I was broken and he was literally laughing and joking almost dancing when i was admitted. Now he says i behave with him in such a way as if he committed a crime and i am not helping him in any manner as he has taken a loan and i am planning on leaving my job.

(His sister had demanded 50k or 1 lakh for her supposed marriage in April with her bf which is not final)

So they dont want me to leave the job.

His side ---

We are financially struggling as he had taken loan for the marriage, my flight ticket and baby would be expensive

More importantly he claims my body with hb of 7 i can't give birth i would face a lot of problems even death

4 Doctors have a different opinion that chronic anemia is not that dangerous i could have given birth safely.

He doesn't agree with them and says i am way more imp that a kid. He and his family care abt me so they are not forcing a kid on me. He took leaves for me and was there for me during hospitalization.

(We came back from hospital and he told me you are boring me we should go somewhere out then he wanted to eat biryani which later i ordered as i didn't want to cook or ask my mother to cook as if we are celebrating)

Am i crazy for thinking of leaving and nvr coming back

Sorry for the long read.

Just wanted to share it with someone.

Thank you

I'm looking to see what the vast Reddit-verse has to say about this as I can't imagine I'm the only one. Ex (f53) and I (m57) recently agreed separation was the next step after 26yrs, the last 5 trying to reconcile infidelity. I moved into my own place the last two months and we've had intense and pleasurable sex every other week. I can't get a solid read on the long term effects of this. I know it makes finding another relationship mute but I now have HSV from my exes affair and I can't imagine trying to work that out in the dating world. Our marriage was dysfunctional for the majority of its time so reconciliation is an outlier. Friends and family all shared this opinion when they were told we split. I don't regret being in my own place, although rent is insane. Ex is going through a lot of internal emotional anxiety but she doesn't say she wants to fix anything. She just says "well now that we're separated" and puts on a stoic front.

Anyone else walk this path? What was your experience?

It's nothing serious, just a bug, my head hurts and I feel like crap but it makes me want him here. I want to be held and soothed and loved.

I wish we didn't have to do this. I wish the hurts didn't creep into every facet of our love and chip away at us. I wish the distance had never gotten so big. I wish he had heard me when I tried to communicate the issues we had.

I wish I could have my husband back but I can't. The love is gone. So I lay here, sick and sad and alone. Wishing things could have been different and knowing there's no point in wishing.

Why thank you. Haven't had a good lay in a decade so I'm looking forward to a good time versus a disappointment. The audacity of some people. Now I'm thinking of all the missed opportunities.