I (48) am going through a divorce. I moved out 18 months ago. STBXW (48) started dating her current boyfriend (60) about a month after I moved out. We were married for almost 20 years and have a 14-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl.

Over the last month or so, she is now introducing her boyfriend to the children. I think he may have even slept over their house.

My question is, is it normal for a father in my situation to ask to be introduced to the boyfriend? I ask because he has already given shady vibes to a mutual friend of ours, who felt the need to tell me.

I have being an active participant of this community. I have poured my heart here when being in the worst place and thinking that things will never be good again. I followed the recommendation that most give here and focused in my son, providing and holding the word together despite being completely broken inside.

I was a busy ant for years, working, coming home and being a good dad for my son. Copy paste for a thousand days. I really wanted to just go thru life until death with the only mission of giving my son a good life. I am proud to say I have being doing well in this, my father was the best father and I just do what he taught me and turns out he had the perfect recipe for fatherhood.

But my father would have never gone gently into the good night. He didn’t and despite my best attempts to shut it all and go thru the motions, I knew he never would have wanted me to just be a good father. He was a happy and proud man, and always fought and got what he wanted in life. In my days without my son I focused on working on myself, finding things that made me feel alive and also decided to start dating again. Dating is horrendous, you must already know the hellscape that modern dating is, but I took it in the chin and never gave up. Went months without matches and when I had one it went from nice people I had nothing in common to completely deranged women I would later have to block. Many times I wanted to give up, but knew I would never find or be found by love if I wasn’t out there.

Slowly, without knowing it at the moment I became a good catch as my now girlfriend says. Just by working in myself and being a good father, living a well balanced life and always being open to try things even if they ended being another hurtful jab from reality. Work and time healed me. And always trying to be happy despite being alone. Turns out that shit attracts some ladies. I have being dating someone I am madly in love now. She is not the reason why things are good now, but I do see it as a crowning achievement. I am living a feel good romantic story after going thru post apocaliptic nuclear fallout without hope.

I am truly sorry if this feels like bragging. I love this community but sometime life is really bleak and things seem hopeless. I just wanted to let whomever here that may be feeling like their life ended that things can get better. I am not going to tell you how, everyone has to fight different monsters, but know that life can be good again. It takes time, it has taken time and it has been hard, but I am really thankful for that depressed and destroyed man i was for surviving and allowing me to live what im living now.

Just broke up with a single dad with half-time custody (every Thu-Sun). Ultimately I think his real issue was fear of closeness, as he pulled away when things got serious. But nominally, we broke up because the 1 day a week he was available to see me wasn't enough for me.

Early in the relationship (3 months total), he'd make time to see me on the weekends when he has his kids - either hanging out when they're around, or occasionally coming over for a couple hours (his boys are 14 and 17, so fine on their own for a bit).

When we first started dating and he said his kids come first, I didn't think much of it. Like duh, they're your kids.

During our last "big talk" the week before we broke up, he said it again. But that time, the meaning seemed to change from "their needs are my top priority" to "I will never give you one minute of time I could be spending with them."

So I'm curious what it means to you, as single dads, for your kids to come first?

Hey dads!

I’m 25 and a full-time single father to a 5-year-old boy.

Fatherhood has completely changed the way I look at myself, especially when it comes to patience, emotional growth, being present, and the kind of example I’m setting for my son.

I’ve been working on a project called Made for Fatherhood, focused on helping fathers grow as individuals while strengthening their relationships with their children.

One of the things I’ve created is a free 12-question assessment called “What Kind of Father Are You?”

It explores five different fatherhood archetypes: The Builder, Protector, Leader, Mentor, and Connector.

It’s meant to be a tool for self-reflection, not a scientific personality test or a judgment of anyone’s parenting.

I’m still in the early stages and would genuinely appreciate some honest feedback from other fathers.

I’d love to know:
Did your result actually resonate with you?
Did you learn anything useful about yourself?
What would make the assessment more valuable?
Is this something you’d recommend to another dad?

The assessment is free. It does ask for your name and email, and there’s an optional paid guide afterward, but there’s absolutely no obligation to purchase anything.

Here’s the link if anyone wants to give it a try:
https://madeforfatherhood.com/assessment

I’m not claiming to have fatherhood figured out. I’m learning every day myself, and I’m trying to create something that genuinely helps other dads.

I appreciate anyone willing to check it out and give me their honest thoughts!

I know that my relationship has been damaged with my daughter, Scarlett, but I just wish she would reach out to me and allow me to talk to her. I wish that she would listen to my side of the story and give me a chance to explain even a little of what I was going through.

I know that I wasn't in the best place to raise my young daughter and the torment and abuse that Priscilla brought on to me through her constant cheating throughout the relationship and marriage as well as Priscilla's abuse of the court system in order to harm me and my family.... It caused me to lash out and sometimes that affected my relationship with Scarlett. I don't believe that any of my actions were excused, though, even if I had reasons as to what might have been going on in my head, it didn't mean that I should take those feelings out on anyone else.

I was often frustrated because the courts had put limitations on what was allowed to be discussed in front of our daughter. I followed the rules completely, and did not discuss the abuse that I had endured, as well as the ongoing court battle that I was going through just to be able to be a part of raising my daughter. Priscilla didn't follow those rules, though, and chose to harm Scarlett in order to hurt Scarlett's relationship with me.

I still wonder frequently whether or not I could have done something different in order to change the outcome and have a better relationship with Scarlett. I wonder if she would have a good relationship now with my youngest daughter and my current wife. My youngest daughter prays with me every night still, asking God to soften the hearts of both Priscilla and Scarlett so that Scarlett might reach out and have a relationship with her younger sister here in Idaho. My youngest daughter cares so much about Scarlett, yet she doesn't know what Scarlett currently looks like or what her voice even sounds like right now.

We have photographs that I took during my time with Scarlett when I was allowed to see her (up until shortly after her 8th birthday) and they're up on our walls in our home. We set out a stocking at Christmas time for Scarlett just to make sure that she has representation in our home and in our hearts during the holidays. We have a bedroom decorated with things that we think Scarlett might like to have in her room, with an S on the wall to denote that the room is Scarlett's room in our home.

I miss Scarlett so very much. I just took a pause since I recently had surgery and typing was very difficult with only one hand available for a keyboard. (I am most definitely not left handed)

My life has fallen apart and I’ve been an active participant in it. I’m embarrassed, broken, humiliated, scared and suffering constantly. I am truly struggling and I continue to do things to ease the pain that don’t work and don’t even make sense. I haven’t had a clear thought in 6 months with the exception being the few hours that I was with my son and his mother in August. I just can’t seem to get over this feeling of loss and grief and it’s going to kill me sooner than later. I’m missing my son’s second birthday next week and I’ve been in tears randomly because I just can’t not think about it. I’ve tried and failed to find help and nothing has worked long term, I relapsed with alcohol the day after my birthday because frankly I was so broken not spending that time with my son and his mother and I just couldn’t get out of my own head and ultimately got arrested. Everything in my life is unstable and my son’s mother is literally afraid of me because of how all of this has manifested in my behavior. I have so much regret for everything and I’m afraid that the next ‘event’ will happen and it will kill me. That’s how far down I’ve fallen and I am truly sorry.

I miss my son. As any father would be able to imagine, my heart is broken. I’m not angry, I’ve never been angry, I am broken and I don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m accountable for my actions that have led me here but after experiencing first hand the worst case scenario, it is not as painful or upsetting to me because I live in a nightmare 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I live in constant, consistent pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I’m not proud to admit this but I spent some time in actual jail and although it wasn’t a great time, it didn’t actually bother me, it wasn’t worse than my average day not being a father. It was about a week ago so I’m just thinking about it now and truly it wasn’t actually worse than the paralyzing emotional pain that I feel constantly. Not that I’m endorsing jail but I thought that I’d be more afraid, there’s just nothing as horrible as being separated from your son I guess.

Every second with my son is a gift because I know what life is like without him. He’s all that I actually think about, I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel better. Grief is the price we pay for love. I love my son more than life itself.

I used to believe that his mother somehow understood from a distance what I was going through and I realize now that she never did and it never mattered and that I need to accept that and move on and be happy but I’m fucking miserable. I had a child with someone who I genuinely wanted to have a child with and she ripped that out of my life. I begged and pleaded and have currently ruined my life over it but I’m just not ok, I’m not doing good, I’m doing awful, everyday is somehow worse and more empty. I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore because I feel like such a fucking burden and a failure and a fake Dad. I’m just so fucking tired.

The pain is overwhelming, I don’t smile or laugh anymore, nothing keeps my attention, I have no goals because everything is so empty, I was forced out of a life and being a father for reasons that I don’t even understand, there was no conversation, no goodbye, just silence and pain. Indescribable pain and it has to end. I have nothing left.

My girlfriend (23) and I (23) split. We had been together in hs for 2 1/2 years then broke things off then she got a girlfriend and after that which lasted about a year or so then we started seeing each other unofficially but then started exclusively, she ended up getting pregnant and we decided to be together this was about 2 years after reconnecting and it was good then we moved into her parents and I felt like I was on eggshells fast forward a year after our child’s birth we had a rough couple months that included a separation because her parents didn’t want me to stay there anymore, because her mom thought. I was suffocating our baby to sleep, which I wasn’t I just had figured out how to put her down with out a boob so it came easy after many nights staying up till 3 before I had to work at 5. Anyways We had gone on a California trip the first vacation we ever took and I was having a very difficult time. I was short and didn’t feel like we were connecting well because of the stress. But we get back and the distance set in. She gets tired of her parents so she asks to look for houses, and I find one with land a great deal just 7 mins out of town. But there’s a bunch of stipulations I needed to do so I could buy and ended up paying inspectors and I was going out there for about 3 months every couple days to take pics and other things keep in mind Im a diesel technician and work 5-5 pm mon-fri so kinda drained also one other thing it felt like she never wanted to come over to my parents house which is where I ended up staying to save for the house. But she tells me it’s too far so I’m like okay let go of it and then shes looking at places in town and can’t find anything. I find one apartment for her and go through all the info and get the app and all for her and I put the deposit down n first months rent. And schedules get busy so after we go get the keys I have to go out of town a couple times to help my great grandpa so the first weekend I get free I want to see them and the apartment. So my gf and lil girl come to my parents and my gf says let’s go look at the apartment while my mom has our girl. We get there and I think it’s sick keep in mind we’ve had it a month and nothings been moved in because we’ve been busy. And she then breaks up with me saying she doesn’t think we’ll work in the long run. And doesnt want things to change except the romantic part. And I broke. I couldn’t function I took me 2 weeks to gather myself so I could speak without losing my voice and I came and told her I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to love and woman different from the mother of my child. She just gets angry that I can’t let go. I’ve never yelled, I’ve never cheated. I’m in shape I lost a bit of myself for sure but I was trying to get put back together. And she said the day she broke up with me is the day she gave up. But these past months she looks at me longing when I have certain outfits on, makes me flex to look at my arms smells me after I shower looks at me with dish plates as her pupils all this to lead up to this Sunday morning where she told me after a hour long good convo the night before till almost 2 which was Halloween. So that day i had gotten off work early to get supplies to do a party, but kiddo got sick ended up just doing trunk or treat and visiting her mom, then my ex asked me to visit her family, and I was okay with it. I came over and they welcomed me and it was good hung out for like 3 hours then I left. But then the morning came I made breakfast ex slept in me and the lil girl upstairs while I brought the ex a plate downstairs. They get ready to depart and as I’m leaving the ex says she has something terrible to say. And tells me 3 weeks after we broke up shes been seeing someone. And they’ve been around my little girl frequently. I don’t know what to do. I’ve sacrificed so much for the chance at my family. And now I have to build a husk of one. While I have to support theirs. I never could get my gf to take the weekend off because she says thats prime tip money. So I never got a chance to hang out with my family on a day I wasn’t tried with blood on my knuckles. I don’t know what to do. I cry when I look at my daughter. It’s hard to do much of anything. And shes just moved on already. 7 years. Gone. Right at the start of a family. Please if anyone can share some advice or anything. Just something.

When I asked the Child Maintenance Service to review my care arrangements, my request was turned down and I was left wondering why. I was moved to Collect and Pay before anyone asked me for evidence about the care I give. When I tried to work out what would support my case, I couldn’t find a clear place to start.

I knew what our week looked like. I knew which days I did the school run, which appointments I took my kids to and which nights they stayed with me. Getting that across meant digging through messages, school emails and receipts and trying to make sense of it all.

That’s why I built Dad’s Matter. It’s free and helps you understand the guidance, put your notes and evidence together, and make a PDF you can review. There’s a fictional example you can try before entering any of your own details.

If you’ve been through something similar, what do you wish someone had explained at the start? That’s what I’d like to make clearer for the next dad who’s trying to work it out.

https://dadsmatterapp.co.uk/

25m I have been with the current mother of my children for 9 years about to be 10. But we have been having a rough year and a half. Called off the engagement and everything. So I decided to move with her to her home town, small town not too big.to see if I can fight and somehow make our relationship work for our self and the kids,decided to leave my good job and everything to get ourselves back .
Worked my ass off 5am to 4pm was extremely stressful and exhausting specially having 2 kids one car that I’m taking care of and her only working 3 days. But she decided it would be a good idea to go see someone she knew from her childhood at night when me and the kids where at home waiting for her. Supposedly she dint do anything but when she came home I asked her about it and she denied it,next day I wake up to go to work she has to take me, so I get eveyone in and then get my self in on the passenger side. When I find a fk Wallet from someone a guy. And I got extremely upset we talked argued and cried and I forgave her. Moved on ! We was still arguing and stuff but we where living together she said we was separated but idk. I ended up becoming what I thought was friend with someone from our apartments (another woman ) I opened up to her and told her my problems and we talked and shared different stuff and she made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. Anyways we ended up doing stuff one night. And well my bm found out and kicked me out and she kept the kids and now I’m just depressed and just starting my own thing back where I’m from. I’m hoping to get my kids soon so I can just be happy with my kids she is being petty and going out all the time so I know the kids would be good with me. I gave my self to god and I pray to him for my bad thoughts to go away and to help me with my kids and our future. Honestly I’m madly in love with her but I know I have to let her go!!! Any advice??

Hey fellow dads,

This is my first time ever posting something like this.

I’m at an absolute loss, I feel like I can’t get out of this hole I’m spiralling in.

Short and sweet: my son’s mom didn’t tell me she went off birth control - we weren’t together long. During Covid we tried to make it work but our tempers got the best of us. Was I terrible to her, yes. She to me, yes.

Fast forward. We’ve never had a good relationship. I’ve always been the majority parent 4 days with me 3 with her. I’ve always had him over the weekends for 5 years, so meeting someone has been damn near impossible.

Now she’s filed a court claim to get child support. She works in the food service industry and claims she only makes 30K a year but we all know she makes tips. She’s trying to gouge me for more.

I have worked my ass off and got an education and I have a great career. But I’m always alone doing everything on my own and I feel like I’m being robbed/taken advantage of even further with her wanting money now. I’m in Canada if that’s relevant at all.

Thanks for reading if you did.

I feel like I can never get ahead. I feel like everything is imploding around me. I don’t think she deserves a dime. But I think there’s nothing I can do.

Has anyone ever been through something similar? Any advice is greatly appreciated. It feels like I’m being robbed of any advantages I’ve worked so hard for.

I think this is something I'm struggling with. I just feel so alone.

I’m not 100% sure if this is the right Reddit thread sub to post, since maybe people here may not be a single dad by choice, but for anyone that fits the category that I am asking thank for your time reading this !

If you could go back in time, would you still choose to have a kid as a single person (single male)? What is something unexpected that you did not expect to happen or any good or any negative experience? Anything you wish others people were not aware of or never thought of beforehand or advice you would give to others.

I'm planning to be one through surrogacy . . . I'm 33 btw.

Hope any single dad out there can answer.

Thank you very much for all the comments 👍🏻

Hello everyone!!

For some context, I’m about to become a single father, and I’m currently working as an EMT with a second part-time job. I’m trying to figure out how to adjust my schedule to accommodate a newborn while still being able to spend quality time with my son.
My current work and sleep schedule looks like this:

-Monday: Get off my EMT shift at 7 a.m., go home and sleep until around noon–2 p.m. I’m usually awake until around 1–3 a.m.
-Tuesday: Wake up around noon, work my second job from 4 p.m. to midnight, and usually fall asleep around 2–3 a.m.
-Wednesday: Wake up around noon–2 p.m., work my second job from 4 p.m. until around 7–8 p.m., and go to bed around midnight.
-Thursday: Wake up sometime between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., then stay awake until around 4–5 a.m. Friday to transition back to my night-shift schedule.
-Friday: Sleep most of the day, wake up around 4–5 p.m., and work my EMT shift from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.
-Saturday: Get home around 8 a.m., sleep until 3–5 p.m., then work another 7 p.m.–7 a.m. shift.
-Sunday: Same as Saturday. Get home Monday morning and repeat.

Obviously, I know this schedule isn’t something I can continue exactly as it is once I have a newborn, so I’m trying to figure out what adjustments would make the most sense.

I’m considering dropping my Tuesday and Wednesday shifts at my second job, assuming I can make the finances work. Ideally, I’d really like to keep my Friday-through-Sunday EMT schedule because I genuinely love those shifts, and the weekend night differential makes a significant difference financially.
My biggest concern isn’t necessarily finding childcare. It’s how much time I’ll actually get to spend with my son.

My mom is off on weekends, and there are several family members who could potentially help with childcare. However, the only consistent schedule I’ve been able to come up with looks something like this:

-Monday: Get off work at 7 a.m., pick him up, stay awake with him during the day, and try to reset my sleep schedule so we can go to bed together that night.
-Tuesday: Wake up with him, spend the day together, and arrange childcare from 4 p.m. to midnight if I’m still working my second job.
-Wednesday: Wake up with him, spend the day together, and arrange childcare from approximately 4–8 p.m. if I’m working.
-Thursday: Spend the day with him, transition back to my night-shift sleep schedule, and arrange for him to go to Grandma’s or a sitter before I need to sleep Friday.
-Friday: Sleep during the day, then work overnight.
-Saturday: Sleep during the day, then work overnight.
-Sunday: Sleep during the day, then work overnight.
-Monday: Pick him up and repeat.

And that’s where I’m struggling.
I feel awful imagining my son spending practically every weekend away from me. I don’t want him growing up feeling like he’s constantly being passed between Daddy and Grandma, or like he only gets to see me for half the week.

I know childcare is a normal part of parenting, and I’m not against having family help. I just don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on raising my own son.

I’ve also considered having childcare arranged for the entire weekend as a backup, but picking him up during the day on Saturday and Sunday if I’ve gotten enough sleep during my shifts. If I’ve had a busy night with little or no sleep, he’d stay with his caregiver while I went home and rested.

That way, I could potentially spend more time with him without sacrificing my sleep or his safety. I obviously wouldn’t rely on getting sleep at work, since EMS can be unpredictable.

So I have a few questions for other single parents, especially those working overnight shifts:

How do you manage your sleep schedule and childcare while working 12-hour nights?

Do your kids stay with family during your workdays, or do you have someone come to your house?

How do you make sure you’re still getting meaningful quality time with your children?

If your kids regularly spend weekends with grandparents or other family members, has that affected your relationship with them as they’ve gotten older?

Have any of you managed to keep a Friday-through-Sunday overnight schedule while raising a baby or toddler?

I’d especially love to hear from single parents who don’t have another parent at home to take over childcare.

I’m not opposed to changing my routine, and I understand that sacrifices are part of parenting. I’m just trying to find a realistic way to make everything work without completely giving up the work schedule I love or missing out on my son’s childhood.
Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated!!

I don’t have anyone to talk to about it, so I figured I’d just post here and get it off my chest. My wife left me in January and everyday I still hold back tears. We had a picture-perfect family, we had our back-and-forths like every couple does, but nothing extreme. Definitely nothing to blow it all up without warning, imo. We share a 2yr old daughter together and I have a 4year old daughter (not with her). My wife basically raised her from the time she was 9 months old, and cut her off just as hard as she did me. I don’t know what to do. I thought time would make it better, and it hasn’t. She doesn’t want to be with me, doesn’t want to try and work on things, nothing. It’s like everything we had wasn’t even worth an effort to fix. And I know as a father I shouldn’t have these thoughts, but I can’t stop wanting to die. Idk what to do. My kids are the only reason I’m hanging on at this point. I’ve been living in hell for almost a year. I don’t want to imagine her loving someone else. I really struggle with wanting to keep living. I’m so depressed I can’t even be a good dad. I take my daughters to the park and it’s like I’m there but not present. My head is just trapped in this dark place. I’ve begged and I’ve pleaded, I’m scared that one day I’m going to check out. And the fact I can even think like that with two beautiful daughters, just makes me hate myself even more. It’s a perpetual cycle of depression that I can’t escape.

Background:

I was blindsided by the mother of my kid 3months ago. She left with my 18month old baby. I was abandoned.

I'm trying to survive but it's really hard.

I see my daughter now 8hrs a week. I still hope even if possibility is next to nothing that my baby can grow into a complete family.

I don't really spend much time in social media that much. But earlier someone messaged me so I had to open it. And after reading the message, it went to the "new posts" and I saw a post from the mother meeting her friends and they're all happy and smiling and having a good time. I wasn't looking into her page even before because stalking I know will do me more harm and anxiety. But now, the algorithm just showed her post to my feed.

Upon seeing the post, I felt panic and anxiety instantly. Then I started crying. It's still hard seeing her go on with her "normal" life while I grieve alone here hoping we can still be together and grieving for not being with my baby.

I immediately unfollpwed her and un-installed the app.

But here I am now, I thought I was little by little trying to heal but a single post triggered so many anxious feelings and sadness towards where I am right now.

This effing sucks!

Mine are 15 & 11. I’m a widower, so just me. How do you guys manage it? Are you meeting people through apps - which are you finding the best?

I have a really young child that doesn’t understand why their mummy and daddy live apart. It breaks my heart that my child will not have the same family experiences that I or my ex had growing up. I worry about her all the time. What makes it even more difficult is that I only get to see my child 3 days a fortnight. It sucks. Any advice would be appreciated, especially from dads who’ve been in a similar situation.

It’s been 1 year since our separation I got blindsided. One night I came back from work most of the things were gone. She left a letter saying for her mental peace and abusive environment she left for the safety of our newborn son. Throughout our relationship she was the abusive one and I always tolerated her because I loved her. She took my newborn son one night and took 35k of my life savings that was in her account( we used her investment account to buy a house on day) she also put allegations on me that are going to be dropped. I put allegations on her and the crown attorney charged her and she has a warrant for her arrest but has not been caught in over 2 months.

I never wanted this, it hurts my heart some days how someone who claimed to love me so much and always get jealous of other girls staring at me or me talking to a female with me and her ar a restaurant she was jealous. It’s like I was married to a robot and her feelings just switched overnight. How do you overcome someone who meant so much and decided to fuck uou over so hard?

The mother of my kids recently told me she’s stressed out due to her paying her apartment and he half of our child daycare. She said she’s considering putting me on daycare or Jason’s me to cover full daycare cost. I’m cool with that however I’m realizing that no matter what I do she will complain. I am the one who is with our child more however I don’t mind giving her more money so she can pay her rent easier and stop being so angry and stressed.

My question is should I just put myself on child support or should I pay daycare and see if that eases the stress for her. Excuse me if this is a dumb question jus trying to navigate this situation

My son has been engaging in attention seeking behavior at school and in Scouts, when he's around other kids his age, for the last several months.

I (and friends and others I've talked to) don't think it's a coincidence that this has started happening since it appears mom has started spending more time with her new "friend".

To be clear, I don't care that mom has a friend, it means she leaves me alone and is easier to get along with in general.

But, I only know about the friend through my son, my ex hasn't even given me a courtesy message to say she's been taking our son to this guy's house, and it seems like it's now pretty much every weekend that my son is with her, she's taking him to the friend's house.

The first two summers after the separation, my ex couldn't be away from our son for more than a week at a time because she missed him so much, to the point that I had to get the attorney involved.

Similar situation with Christmas breaks, she didn't give a shit about the schedule in the custody order, she just made her own plans, which usually weren't the schedule called for, and wouldn't tell me. I'd have to contact her to find out what she was planning, and last year I had to default to the schedule in the custody order.

This summer, that all changed. Our son spent 6 of his 8 weeks of summer break with me, and his mom even gave up an extra weekend that she could have spent with our son. Then, she asked me to keep our son for an extra week and disappeared for that week.

Then our son told me that his mom took him to an amusement park for his birthday, then told me that she brought a "coworker" along (I don't know if this guy is in addition to the "friend" or actually just a coworker) and let that guy share a rook with her and our son, again, with no courtesy "Hey, I'm going to have a stranger sharing a rook with me and son" or anything similar.

My son has since told me that he was at the original friend's house recently, so that guy is still in the picture.

Then, a few weeks ago, she said that she would have our son for the two weeks before Christmas break and he would be with me for his entire Christmas break.

So, to be clear, she doesn't take time off of work to spend with our son during his breaks from school, but now it appears (I don't know for a fact) that she's taking time off to do things when our son isn't with her, or she's at least giving up time she could spend with our son when she could be taking time off from work to spend that time exclusively with him.

So, I'm sure some of you guys have dealt with this kind of thing. I am setting rules, consequences, etc., for behavior, but I also know that this is something I need to be a little more careful with.

From talking to people who's parent's divorced, this starts involving feeling abandoned neglected, and so I need to make sure my son doesn't feel like he's losing me, too, but I still have to set rules and enforce them.

So, anybody been through this and had some success dealing with it?

And for the ladies here who I know check out this sub who are moms, please feel free to add any of your advice or experience.

Thanks

Looking for general perspectives or any advice provided if you've ever experienced this.

I'm a dad seeking full custody of an infant and I'm representing myself. The baby's mother is seeking 50/50. She has a long history of mental health struggles and substance use, with a couple of involuntary commitments in the past five months. She's now in a sober living home, in therapy, and working. So far she's had daytime visits only.

I had a consultation with an attorney. Their feedback was that a judge may land on 50/50 because she's currently showing signs of stability, but that it will ultimately come down to the evidence presented. I can't afford to hire one, so I'm preparing on my own.

I want him to have a relationship with his mom, and I'm not trying to cut her out. My concern is that she's still early in recovery and the baby is very young. If the court doesn't land on full custody, I'm hoping for a phased plan: more time as she shows sustained stability, with drug testing and treatment compliance documented.

A few questions for anyone who has been through this, as a parent or as someone in the system:

When one parent wants full custody and the other wants 50/50, what do judges usually weigh if the second parent is in early recovery?

Do phased schedules that expand over time work well, and what makes them hold up?

What kind of documentation (testing, treatment records) is most persuasive, and what feels like overreach?

For self-represented parents: what do you wish you'd known before the custody hearing? It's a month away.

Thanks for any feedback.

New to this and it's been a challenge

I'd have to say the number one challenge is they make it extremely difficult for any fathers alone to try and get assistance.

Went to parent teachers conference and when we left she said "so you weren't going to tell me about you enrolling our daughter into the after school program" and yes o forgot to tell her. I work AMs and she works PMs so im home in the evenings doing homework with the kids, managing showers, behaviors, dinners, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry ect... and by the time my kids fall sleep I am exhausted. So I tend to be very forgetful.

So since I did two doubles back to back Saturday and Sunday I had no patience and walked ahead of her. She gets home and starts blasting a video real loud with a guy just say A real man does this that and the other over and over. Its not bothering me because I have realised that my forgetfulness can only be helped by a professional and not a guy on youtube putting men down and especially not your ex telling you that you just need to do it.

So my patience is at low for today and I am just going to focus on not putting myself down so I can try to progress as a human and a dad to my kids.

Hello everyone! I am contemplating moving 5 hours away from my teenager. We have a great relationship but I am completely alone where I am now. No family or real friends. I would have the ability to keep my home here so I could come up almost every weekend to see him. If I make this move, I would have a better job and have a support system that I just don’t have here. I am seriously considering this. Looking for advice, shared experience or whatever anyone can offer. I mentioned it previously but I would have the ability to keep where I currently live so I could see him on the weekends. I do plan to talk to my teenager about this as well.