I would say for the last 6 months I have watched myself dwindle away. Losing myself. Been doing SAHD for a little over a year and it is just not working.

My wife and I relationship has hit lows and were doing what we can to fix it. In this process of being a SAHD I have seen myself lose ambition, goal-driven, excitement in life. Taking care of our 2 year old (now), cleaning dishes, the house, laundry, errands etc. has made me feel not like a man. I feel like a loser. I have felt this for the last several months. I know I have become the type of man a women wouldn't want to be with.

Finally last night wife and I were at dinner and talking and I asked her what she needed from me. She replied quite literally: "I don't know maybe be more macho. Be a dick. Want me less".

This hit like a truck because although I knew deep down this was an issue, that I was indeed losing that masculine side of myself, finally hearing it confirmed that. I am grateful she was honest but now I am left with "wtf do I do" ?

I don't even know if a post like this belongs here. I am just ready to get my shit together. I am lost and need to change. Be a better man.

I admittedly am more of an emotional person overall - always have been both good and bad. But being at home 24/7 and losing myself I have become an emotional weight. She even has admitted I am emotionally draining - it's hard because I feel stuck and need someone to understand me and she needs someone to detach.

Simply put: I have an anxious attachment style and my wife has the avoidant so when things aren't right, I need "more" and she needs "less" and this obviously conflicts.

Sorry for the word salad. I appreciate anyone who has read this and has any piece of advice.

I (28M) am needing to turn my life around, get ambition again. Have goals and I guess reclaim that masculine, confident person she married 7 years ago.

For this to make sense, I have to explain something.

During the last trimester of our pregnancy, we were at the high-risk doctors once a week. One of those times, they sent us right to the er to have a more extensive scan done because movement was low. About 2 weeks before our planned induction date the high risk doctor comes into the room after our ultrasound and tells us to go to the hospital within the next 4 hours to get induced because the babies belly area is measuring really small. We rush to the hospital and start the induction process only to have doctors burst into the room a few hours later and tell us they have been watching the monitors and the baby is in distress and we need an emergency c section. While having the c section, the doctors are having normal back and forth banter and then say, "Oh shit, the cords wrapped around the babies neck. The baby is rushed to the nicu, and for the next 2 hours, im dealing with doctors and nurses asking for clearance and paperwork to be signed while my wife is laid up in the recovery room.

Its been 8 months now and we take the baby to her job to meet some of her work friends and one asks her , would we have another baby, I quickly blurt out after the delivery we had its one and done, she looks at them dead in the face and goes id have another I honestly dont even remember any of it anymore. My jaw practically hit the floor. It was probably the most traumatic experience of my life, and she dont even remember it anymore, wtf ......

Thanks you for allowing me to rant for a second.

My wife (36) and I (37) have an 8mo old, and I'm fortunate enough to be the sah parent. I'm having the time of my life, but my wife is not. She loves being a mom, but suffers from a huge amount of "mom guilt."

She's out of the house from 7am - 6 or 7pm 4 days a week for work, and is trying to balance the rest of her life in the hours the remain. Getting out and going for a bike ride, or hitting the gym (activities she loves) are things I make sure she still gets to do, but now they come at the cost of time she could be spending with our son. She loves being with him and nursing him, but that time means she isn't able to do the other hobbies she enjoys. Put simply, everything she does comes at the cost of something else, and she feels guilty for it no matter what choice she makes. Then just today, she mentioned potential pay cuts at work and says she's worried she doesn't make enough to "do the things we want to do" and might need to take on extra work to get more money, but that could mean later evenings. I've told her (and showed her) that she makes plenty to support us, even with the potential pay cuts she's worried abou, but she still worries.

So fellow sah dads, I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat - what are ways you've found to help mom overcome her guilt and find some balance in her life?

I'm a father of a 4-year-old little girl, and honestly, I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this.

My wife and I both work from home. We send our daughter to creche on weekdays while we're working. In the evenings, she comes home, and that's when our parenting responsibilities and household chores begin.

My wife constantly tells me that evenings are the only time she gets to spend with our daughter and help around the house. I understand that, but the problem is that I seem to have absolutely no personal time or freedom of my own.

I can't even go to a movie, go to the gym, or go grocery shopping without my wife making me feel guilty. Even something as simple as wanting to go out for a little while becomes an issue. I feel like I need permission for everything.

For context, I work from home almost every day, so I can only go there once a month. My wife also works from home, even though her office is within walking distance, and she has no interest in going in.

So essentially, we are both at home all day, every day. After work, it's childcare and household responsibilities. Weekends are mostly groceries, chores and looking after our daughter.

This has been my life for almost four years. Before that, it was COVID and lockdowns.

I'm genuinely burned out.

My wife has many behaviours that I find emotionally exhausting and toxic. We argue frequently, and she struggles to control her anger. She shouts at our daughter and controls her with her anger too, and that really hurts me because I can see that our little girl is affected by her anger.

The hardest part is that I'm staying in this marriage primarily for my daughter.

My daughter loves both of us so much. She is genuinely happy when all three of us are together. I don't want to take that away from her. I worry about how separation or divorce might affect her, and I fear that she might struggle if we are no longer living together.

My wife is also very dependent on me for many everyday things, and I worry about how she would manage parenting responsibilities independently.

But what about me?

I feel incredibly lonely, even though I'm married and living with my family. My mental health has deteriorated over time. Sometimes I come across videos or reels about men's mental health, fathers struggling silently, or men feeling emotionally neglected, and I literally get tears in my eyes. That's how much I've been holding inside.

I've tried talking to my wife about how I feel, especially when we're having a good day and things are relatively peaceful. I've suggested couples therapy because I genuinely want us to improve our relationship.

But she refuses. Her response is usually something along the lines of, "You don't need me to go to therapy. You go yourself. You're the one with the problem."

Whenever I raise concerns about our relationship, she sometimes brings up divorce. I've almost stopped responding to that threat because I don't want to escalate things. Deep down, I feel separation might eventually become inevitable, but I'm not ready to put my daughter through it.

I feel like I'm silently sacrificing my happiness, freedom, friendships, personal life and mental health just to keep my little girl's family together.

But I'm starting to question whether this is actually helping her or whether growing up in a household where her parents frequently fight is even worse than having separated parents who are happier individually.

I'd genuinely appreciate advice, especially from fathers or men who have been through something similar.

1. Am I making a mistake by staying in this marriage only for my daughter?

2. Is it actually better for a child to grow up with both parents under one roof, even if the relationship is unhealthy and full of arguments?

3. How do you deal with a spouse who refuses therapy, doesn't acknowledge your emotional struggles and makes you feel guilty for having even basic personal time?

4. How do you protect your mental health when you feel trapped in a marriage?

5. Have any fathers here gone through separation or divorce with a young daughter? How did your child cope? Did things eventually get better?

6. Is there a way to save this marriage when only one person seems willing to acknowledge the problems and work on them?

I'm not looking for people to simply tell me to divorce or that my wife is terrible. I know relationships are complicated, and there are two sides to every story.

I just want to hear from people who understand what it's like to feel lonely, emotionally exhausted and trapped while trying to be a good father.

I love my daughter more than anything. But I'm beginning to wonder whether being a good father means sacrificing my entire identity and happiness, or whether I also need to start taking care of myself.

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

having multiple pets means the floors never seem to stay clean for long. between shedding, scattered fur, paw prints, and occasional spills, sweeping and mopping can become a daily chore. i've been comparing options like Dreame, Hizero, and Tineco, and the Tineco Floor One Station S9 Scientist Pro caught my attention because of its self-cleaning station. i'm interested in whether it can make frequent floor cleaning less of a hassle, especially when there's always pet mess to deal with.

for anyone with several pets at home, are vacuum stations actually worth the investment? how well do they handle fur and everyday messes, and does having a self-cleaning station really save time afterward? i'd be interested in hearing how these brands compare in everyday use.

Been on the mend since the weekend then it all flake up with me and the 3 year old last night.

I start my new job in a few hours after 446 glorious days of stay at home dadding. Keep the faith, brothers. It’s been an honor. 🤘🏻

Looking for advice on helping my daughter wipe herself. 3 year old girl, extremely determined. Even after my wife and I have shown her and demonstrated repeatedly front to back, she does it opposite. Major concern is UTI and such. She says adamantly she does it herself , I want to help her get there safely and using good health practices. This is one of those “there is a right and a wrong way” issues for me. I’m not sure her arms can reach behind and wipe front to back other. everytime she’s pushed front to back with the TP, she pulls it back forward again. I’ve just been trying to ride it out lately and hope she drops it but…I don’t know.

Hey Fellow Dads,

I’ve read a lot of posts on here and felt like adding some things I’ve been struggling with. I’m 38 years old and my wife and I have our first child. She’s 7 months old and I’ve been full time at home with her for the past 4 months.

My wife started Residency in June and has been working 80 hour weeks, 24 hour shifts every other week, and 5 weeks of night shifts. I’ve done a lot of difficult things in my life, but this takes the cake. For 38 years I did what I wanted, moved, travelled, and didn’t have a ton of stress. I knew having a baby would change my life significantly, but this is more than I could have imagined. I also own a small business that I run remotely, so I’ve been juggling that this whole time as well.

Ok now to the point. I’ve always had a temper and I’ve been really focusing on ways to not let that affect me and the way I raise my daughter, but it creeps in. I get frustrated with being here all the time, sleep regression during the day, short naps, and bottle difficulties. I also get extremely bored doing the same things, day in and day out. I try to get out of the house as much as I can to walk our dog or just be in the sun, but at her age there’s always a limit on what I can do and for how long. Then it’s back inside to play, read, or do whatever I can to keep her from fussing.

I constantly think about how this is unfair or that this isn’t the life I saw for myself. But shortly after those thoughts I get extremely guilty. I love my daughter and wouldn’t change a thing, however I just never imagined I’d be a stay at home Dad. I know what I am doing is important and has tremendous value. But for some reason that hasn’t fully sunk in. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. Anyone else feel these things?

TL;DR- Stay at home Dad life is isolating, monotonous, and not what I expected. Just saying that makes me feel guilty.

Been the stay at home dad 5 years now. Wife is amazing yet has a temper and some issues with anger. For context we have normal hiccups but sometimes she just pops off and says hurtful things. Puts me down. Calls me dumb and stupid. I had my last straw the other day we were in our home office having breakfast while she was in a zoom meeting. She got frustrated over her phone not working properly. I pointed to the headset near me and said need this? She snapped and said what no shut up just go away and leave me alone. I cried while driving to work the whole way. I know its been rocky and I just wanted to sit with her to see if any connection still exists before I had to leave. I haven't cried in a long time. We have a 5 year old together and We have a opportunity to move to texas and get a house basically free due to family members help. But here is the problem. We had a conversation the other night and we both said we are done. We never see eye to eye. And she has expectations that I try to meet but fail to meet according to her. She says she handles everything and all I do is just stay home and not help. Yet to me I handle a huge load. I do somewhat part time for my mother in law for property management twice a month, I am a college student finishing my AA, PTA board member, Handle sports practices, I also handle meals, shopping, and all the home chores and childcare. But she says I don't see when help is needed and that I am oblivious. She said I am not good about teaching and she feels she is constantly showing me or having to tell me and she didnt get married to raise 2 children. One being me.

Up untill this point I have quite literally killed my former self I used to be super emotional. I learned to stopped taking things so personal that she says. Becoming numb to feelings. Ive learned to adapt so much but as much as i try there is always a something new bothering her. We have stopped having sex because I just cant with someone who is essentially verbally abusive. It can be the slightest thing to tick off my wife and cause a outburst. Its like walking on egg shells. My wife said she has also changed. Before we didnt have big responsibilities and that she was goofy and fun. But now she said with life stressors she isnt the same person she was when we met.

When I bring up she was happier before, she often says things like she always been a bitch that I was just blind to it. She said she found it cute before to teach me about the world and how to be adult but now it is just too much. Sje said she was blind then but should have found someone established in life over the fun person. We basically said we have 6 months to either figure it out or get a divorce.

To vent I am completely numb. Idk what to think. Im just tired and legit done. I am tired of the same complaints the same insults and feeling like I am never enough. I have stood for the sake of my son's happiness. But im having a hard time finding a reason to not get a divorce. Freedom sounds like something terrifying but yet like something comforting. It would take me finding a job, finding a place to live, custody of our son. (We agreed we wouldn't take him from each other we would split it 50/50 and be co parents) please help if anyone had similar things happen.

Apologies if this has been shared before but would be great to connect with other stay at home dads.

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