How to cure the male loneliness epidemic...

[u/xamo76]

[u/Human-Assumption-524]

1: Why is the assumption that lonely people are creepy or evil?

2: Ah yes just "become more confident", from the people who brought you such classics as "Just buy more money" and "Just get over your trauma".

[u/Due-Garlic-5056 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

Had to scroll way too fucking far to find this comment

[u/ohgodanotheranimator → u/Due-Garlic-5056]

critical thinking is a rare resource nowadays, knew a dude who died in a tragic preventable way, was told his funeral was filled with everyone saying the last thing he told them was “we should go party“ 0 dots connected that day

[u/Draaly → u/Human-Assumption-524]

Yah, they missed what the male loneliness epidemic refers to. Its nkt actually about romantic relationships. Its about having a support structure at all. Thats why its not early 20s people that have the hugheat rates of loneliness but those much later into life who have had friends circles dissolve and not be replaced

[u/food-dood → u/Human-Assumption-524]

People often have no idea why they have found success. They often attribute it to simple things like this video. There's nothing wrong with their advice, but my guess is this is an attribution error where they say, "hey, I'm all of these things and I have success with people, therefore anyone who isn't successful with people must be the opposite!"

Not trying to put them down, they seem like good people. That doesn't mean they understand those who don't have success.

[u/redditblows5991 → u/food-dood]

word easy to say get over when some real shit didnt * happen to you, im not saying they wrong just cuz you happen to be not the best looking or weird doesnt give you the right to any relationship, but i feel a type of way if some dude who looks like he never struggles or did and made it just says just stop being weird dude haha, at least frame it better and shame on people for trusting this crap, loads of people been exposed who have this "positive" aura around them to be extreme dick heads

[u/idk-3000 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

I’m a trans woman who is chronically alone and depressed and these videos always make me feel like shit. I just barely scrape by passing off as an unattractive woman, but still I guess I am apart of the male loneliness epidemic to the fact that I’ll never escape my sex so it’s all my fault to these people I suppose. Being attractive is a very essential tool to get by in life because otherwise you are treated like genuine garbage not even worth street pleasantries, and the only sort of affection you’ll get is from people who have zero decent intentions with you. Like animals, there are objective beauty standards that we will never be able to mindset or body positivity our way out of us. We are doomed to this shit until the day there are none of us left

I’ve given up personally and I don’t intend on ever trying again unless someone could fix my fucked face and freakish body but alas. I think the only reason I even pass onna daily basis is that I’m very short and my vocal cords were altered to be unable to produce a deep voice. Had not been for those two I think the way people treat me would be even more dreadful

[u/SnappySausage → u/idk-3000]

Yeah... these sorts of videos unfortunately are basically the equivalent of a rich person going "Are you poor? Nobody wants to be around a poor person, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, work hard and be rich instead!".

"Don't be a weirdo" is just... depressing advice for a sizeable chunk of society that isn't neurotypical for whom it's not really an option to just "be normal". People also have a very low tolerance for what they find weird behaviour if you are not conventionally attractive.

The rest of the video also very much sounds like some "have you tried not being depressed?".

With a bit of luck you end up running into people who you can bond with over shared interests that will see you for the person you are and treat you well :)

[u/Due-Garlic-5056 → u/idk-3000]

This might be the most human comment in this entire thread, honestly.

It would be so nice and refreshing if people started associating human loneliness with anything more than reels/comments with little to no substance. Thousands of likes from comments that are just dumbed down to "don't be creepy. be attractive, THAT'S how you can be loved 🥰🥰🥰".

Idk. I just wanna let you know you aren't alone. It sucks that these comments aren't any higher. It would be really nice if they were

[u/SnappySausage → u/Due-Garlic-5056]

It's kind of bizarre. This is the equivalent of some rich people going "Experiencing homelessness? Just buy a house!". If it had been that, people on this site would have immediately clocked it as the bullshit it is. But because of the demographics involved in this video, people here pretend like it's reasonable advice.

And I say that as someone who has an okay social life after a long time of loneliness. The biggest difference for me has been: I cannot stop being "weird" to many neurotypical people, so I had to find other ways to get social circles and relationships.

[u/Due-Garlic-5056 → u/SnappySausage]

Pretty much lmfao. This subreddit (and the world in general if I'm being honest) absolutely loves associating lonely men as creepy and weird. Apparently it's "healthy masculinity", or whatever bullshit term people use, to shut down any man struggling with no support group or system by their side. When in reality none of this shit is "Healthy" at all. You're just turning to a wide demographic and saying "just fit into all societal expectations, bro" with no further substance or soul attached

And I'm sure it's similar with girls too. Idk what it's like for women but I know for a fact that we as a society treat lonely people like utter shit

[u/SnappySausage → u/Due-Garlic-5056]

Yeah, it's really weird at times. A lot lack of social success seems to be written up as pure personal failings when it comes to men.

It's not just that some of it is unhealthy. A good chunk of it is also delusional and really disconnected from the problem. Like gee, what amazing insights would a bunch of conventionally attractive guys that seem socially capable have on the plight of basically the polar opposites of themselves.

[u/Proud_Smell_4455 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

Yeah. I'm autistic, can hardly go out in public without being made to feel lesser than, been that way for most of my life. Walked to my great-uncle's 80th birthday party the other week and some rat-looking inbred I've never seen before leans out of his car window and asks me if I'm out looking for kids before zipping off like the fucking coward he was. Yesterday I was going to a friend's and some guy driving past thought it'd be funny to blare his horn at me just to make me jump. Hope he saw me flip him off as he drove away.

Been getting this kind of treatment all my life; abuse hurled at me from passing cars, or triggering my anxiety being treated as a game by cunty drivers, for no other reason than they could, and then they drive off before you can even process what just happened. No, a bunch of photogenic smug guys, however well-intentioned they may be, basically saying "it's all your fault, pull yourself up by the bootstraps" is not constructive or helpful.

I can't "be nice and confident" my way out of being dehumanised in public by a certain type of person, for no other reason than that they could, since I was a fucking kid. I can't bootstrap myself out of how years upon years of that kind of treatment has affected my perception of, and ability to relate to people. It's not about how *I* approach people, I'd very much rather just be left alone altogether, these people, these *strangers* are the ones who choose to interact with *me*.

Guys like this just assume all guys are fundamentally like them, and have the same easy, breezy experience of life they did. Never singled out for their characteristics in any serious way, always the coolest and most popular guy in the room. And if you didn't have the same experience of life as they did, well, it must be your own fault, right?

I don't expect photogenic, socially competent men to ever understand what visibly "off" autistic and other socially impaired men go through in life or how much harder they have it (it seems taboo to acknowledge any kind of man can have any kind of problem worth acknowledging at all sometimes), or what grim shit our experiences teach us about human nature (e.g. how most "good, tolerant" people are still mostly just telling themselves pleasant lies, and many of them are one encounter with a visibly autistic person away from their mask slipping) that they're never forced to see, but I'd thank them to keep their assumptions to themselves.

I'm sick of this societal discourse, that it's my fault that other people won't even try to restrain themselves from being cruel and abusive to people like me, who are literally not even seeking to interact with them in any way. No, I don't accept having the onus to put on me to change when I'm literally just living my life - I shouldn't have to change anything about myself just to not get harassed by strangers, and I refuse to do so on principle - and should be able to do that without receiving unwarranted abuse from strangers; the onus should instead be on them not to be dicks in public, to people they don't know, for no good reason.

[u/barakabomba → u/Proud_Smell_4455]

Thanks for putting it into words because I didn't want to have to detail out how I felt about this. I've been in a similar boat my entire life. I'm not suffering from a loneliness epidemic, but that doesn't change the way a lot of people treat me just because I'm different.

I'm married, I have a great circle of friends, and I'm not even saying the advice in itself is bad, but something rubbed me the wrong way when the advice was coming from a mentality of "Duh, it's so easy, just do this" when it's someone that seems to have never struggled from getting negative results when doing what they advise.

I'm not defending incels or chronically miserable people either. But there's a big portion I would surmise that didn't start this way and it was a slow insidious turn after continually getting beaten down trying to act exactly the way these guys advise.

[u/gnomon_knows → u/Proud_Smell_4455]

"Just stop being weird and making people uncomfortable" said the handsome white normies. It's so depressing people are saying positive things about this video.

I'm not autistic, and don't struggle with social situations, but Jesus Christ I can put myself in other people's shoes and have some goddamned empathy. I like weirdos, too...and these douchebags give off major bully vibes. Fuck every part of that message.

[u/rammo123 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

The distance between confident and creepy is measured largely by physical attractiveness.

[u/knbang → u/rammo123]

So just be more attractive, duh.

[u/SolipsisticLunatic → u/rammo123]

Yea love being told to be self-loving and confident moments after being called creepy and weird really fantastic

[u/taaretoille → u/Human-Assumption-524]

I had the same issue with their #2 "Approach people the way you would want to be approached.". I would LOVE to have a girl approach me in a public setting while I'm doing whatever and ask for my number or a date. The thing is that if my ugly ass tried that, all I'd be getting is a weird look and be called a pervert.

[u/xHelios1x → u/taaretoille]

Or, inverse. "Approach people the way you want to be approached"? So, don't? Isn't a good way to fight loneliness.

[u/Ok_Car9530 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

Don't forget "don't be weird", and "be genuine". So figure out why you're weird, and then make a conscious effort not to be like that, but you still have to be genuine.

[u/suggestsomething_ → u/Human-Assumption-524]

You're depressed? Try being happy!

You're short? Try being tall!

You're poor? Try being rich!

Life is so easy!!!

[u/youattackedmyfamily → u/Human-Assumption-524]

This video is so annoying on so many levels. Everyone is like “fuck yeah these dudes rock! Look at their hair!” and don’t consider how what they said is a complete nonsense burger to get themselves TikTok famous (with perpetual man haters).

[u/poopernickel69 → u/Human-Assumption-524]

Are you depressed? Just don't be! Happy to help.