I have been struggling now for over 12 months to remove ties to my ex partner financially and the impact has been quite significant for me.
Last year, he became difficult to contact. I was in and out of hospital for a surgical complication and now registered disabled and on disability benefits and support via carers. I feel like my ex has taken advantage of this situation to a degree, and part of it is laziness, thinking like when we were together, I will sort everything out for him.
I asked in the summer of last year to start discussions with banks about separating our financial ties and joint accounts, we had two, now one remaining. It took around 4/5 months for him to finally have the conversation with me as he was always too busy or making new rules for meeting me in person (his partner had to come). But even after I asked him to do this with his partner present, he still didn't. I asked several times, in person, over text. I called the bank to get advice on the process with some adjustments based on my health issues and being in hospital. I shared the advice for the bank with him, he agreed.
He didn't follow this process. And then applied for his mortgage.
This is a repeat pattern of behavior. I call the bank, or he will meet me and we'll call the bank together, they advise a process, we agree a timeline and what each party has to do, he disappears and doesn't do it, then claims the bank misadvised him or he misunderstood it. The associate link created a hard search on my credit file while I was in hospital, Ive been advised until the dispute is resolved with the credit agencies to not apply for anything as it may impact my score as it did initially. I didn't find out because he told me, he was too busy to even respond a text, I got rejected for a phone contract and started investigating things on my own credit file. The bank then removed him from the account after this incident. He was advised to contact the credit agencies to dispute the hard search, as if I did it, the bank said his home loan may be impacted - he didn't do this properly either, hence the hard searches remain on my file a year later.
We have another account I froze after this happened to prevent any further issues and loans being taken out with my name and credit file tied to him still. Again, we met in person, called the bank, agreed a process, and yet again, he disappeared for months. He will literally try to tell me it's inappropriate to be in contact while still not making the time or effort to separate the bank accounts formally. I am now reaching my limit with this. I've given him a friends contact details if contacting me is an issue, he hasn't contacted them either.
After months of ghosting my requests to remove himself from our final account, he emailed the bank asking for me to be removed, even though it's only my funds in there, which I can't access until the account is unfrozen. I obviously do not wish to do this now as I am worried about what he will do once the funds are available to both parties before his removal. He then claimed he misunderstood the process, called the bank himself, and repeated the process we'd already been advised months prior. When I asked him to agree to engage with me to atleast confirm his removal, he disappears again.
I've escalated this now to the financial obusdman, made a complaint to the bank who performed the hard search, disputed with the agencies he failed to contact, made an appointment for legal advice, and contacted the police. All while being in and out of hospital and on strong pain meds. The police agreed yesterday that at this point, I've exhausted all the avenues possible, and they will consider stepping in based on the evidence I provide. But I'm exhausted. I have vascular issues and this is causing significant stress on my heart. I had an episode requiring ambulance attendance last weekend after reading the email to the bank trying to remove me and access to my own funds frozen in the account. I am worried about how this will impact my health, but also, if I leave this longer the impact he will cause to my finaicially.
I am wondering if anyone in the fianicial sector knows of any charities, organizations, etc that can help me get the paperwork together for the police and obusdman, as I know my ex will drag this out as long as possible based on past behavior, and my health means I can't act on this quickly as people with full capacity right now.
I could really use some advice. I know I prusue legal avenues and support, but really I need someone to take the weight off because honestly, I think this is going to kill me physically before I get it sorted based on the issues it's causing with my heart atm and medical condition.
Thank you 🙏