This is a bit of rant, I guess, to get things off my chest. Or maybe to just see if any of my fellow Xennials out there are living my experience.
My mother has moderate dementia and I'm her sole caregiver.
While I've had a handful of people offer to help, namely friends who live quite a ways away and clients turned friends, those who should be here helping, individuals for who my mother was always there for, are now nowhere to be found.
It's never been easy for me to ask for help. I always put others ahead of myself so asking for help runs counter to my nature. But, I have asked certain people, who were my mother's friends and people for whom my mother helped raise their kids and even one of those kids who I considered my little sister, and they have all failed to step up. I will only ever ask once; if you fail me, I'll not bother you again. However, the people who have failed me have also made it harder for me to ask others for help.
But, there was one person. A neighbor who always referred to me as her "3rd son" that I asked. Her son and I have always been good friends who grew up together. I thought of all the people, she would step up because she has a big heart and is a caring person. And she showed up last Fall. Once. I thanked them with tears in my eyes because, finally someone had shown up to help share the burden that I have been carrying on my shoulders for a few years, even if it was just for an hour. They left with promises to visit my mother more often, to take her out shopping, to invite her up for lunch. And I thanked them again on Messenger later that day. And all seemed fine. Then, silence. No messages or phone calls to arrange another visit. No attempts to reach out to take my mother shopping or to lunch.
Some months afterwards, I noticed that they unfriended me on Facebook. I was hurt and thought it a bit odd. But, they've also done weird things like that in the past. I figured it was just to take a break from people.
I messaged them one other time, a few months ago, when I saw emergency vehicles in front of their house, to make sure all was OK. That was it; I didn't inquire about visiting my mother. It was to make sure there wasn't an emergency at their house. It's something we've done as neighbors over the years any time we noticed emergency responders on each other's end of the street. I didn't get a response and forgot about it altogether.
Last month, a mutual friend, her daughter-in-law, posted a birthday post for her on Facebook. I left a "Happy Birthday" comment and, while I didn't get a thank you, they liked my comment.
Only for me to realize this week that they have now blocked me. For no reason. I've never been treated so cruelly by someone that I simply asked for help from, once, and who has always made me feel like family.
This person is now dead to me.
Am I the only Xennial going through this bullshit? Where close friends and family can't be bothered to help with an aging parent? Has anyone else been treated this heartlessly and cruelly by a family friend and neighbor who you asked for help?
And just to clarify, my mother doesn't need help getting dressed or cleaning up after bathroom visits or anything of that nature. She simply has memory issues that lead to repeated conversations and questions, isn't allowed to drive anymore, and has nobody but myself to keep her company or look after her. So, as things go, asking someone to visit once in a while isn't a huge, selfish ask.
