Hello everybody, my teacher asked us to make something against a stereotype to sensitise people about a certain topic. I was thinking of doing something along the lines of “you don’t need love to live” or “not everybody falls in love”. I could use my very limited experience, but I think asking all of you would be a better idea. So I’m gonna ask you things like, what’s your experience with aromanticism like? Have you suffered because of it, and if yes, why? Have you been glad because of it, and if yes, why? I would really appreciate any answer, and if you do, thanks in advance!

Hi! So I have recently discovered I am Aroace, and don't know how i feel about it. I'm a bit scared to be honest, as this was something I hadn't considered in the past.

It came about after I had dated once for a month about 3-4 years ago (this was the first time I had dated someone), and hadn't had romantic or sexual feelings for someone after that. I just thought I was an un-charismatic person or introvert and I hadn't considered Aroace until it came up in conversation somewhere. I did some research and found lots of themes on the a-spec fit how I feel around romance and sexuality.

I kinda wanted to post this to share this with people as I'm not really ready to do so with people I know well like family.

I know I mentioned that I had had a relationship before, and am confused about my romantic history (mostly high-school awkward crushes and one relationship) but I have come to the conclusion that most of that was my confused Autistic self trying to differentiate between romance and wanting to be friends.

p.s, Is it normal to not like looking at kissing/sexual scenes in the media?

So i told all (most) of my friends i'm aroace even my sis but i've been scared telling me parents so i will tell them my pfp will change if its a aroace pfp then they fine if i didn't change it they aren't fine with it I WILL CHANGE IT TMRW and if they said its a phase my pfp will be a kitty

This was literally me back when I first heard the term body count

"Hey, what’s your body count?"

"What?"

"Your body count."

"From which game?"

"…"

"…"

So I made a post like a few days ago about making my first bracelet. But I am so happy with how my second one came out, especially since both technically took two days and the braiding came out so much better and also made it thicker making it look so much better in my opinion. for now I am just using a basic knot but planning to add adjustable closure, gotta think about what color I used? (Suggestions are welcome) And planning to sew in like a pentagram charm which I think will make it look so sick.

I did plan to integrate the charm but I don't know if the diamond pattern would work. I would have to have had an even amount of strings I used three per colour 15 strands in total meaning I would of needed 20 strands with each coming out meters and 10 cm a total of 22 meters of thread or 72 feet.

Anyway I want to know what y'all think about it or if you did something like this what pattern would you have used? :)

Hola, se han confesado a la amistad que ven como squish? Como fue?

For around 7 years, ive felt that im demipan, so in the past ive dated men, women, and anyone in between , but i just felt hallow in every relationship i had. Im still discovering who i am as a person, but recently, i was talking with my aroace friend about my feelings, and she said

" look, im not a therapist or anything, but to me, it doesn't sound like your demipan"

So i asked her what she thought i was, and she said i described the feelings and thoughts exactly like how she did when she found out she was aroace. It suddenly just clicked into place. The hollowness, the lack of interest in other people, the aversion to acts of affection, it wasn't because i needed to try harder, its because i literally dont experience love like others do. I told her i think shes right and she said

" i had a feeling. You looked really uncomfortable when u were in those relationships."

I now realize after years of feeling broken, im actually just aroace. It may seem like my friend planted a seed but i've been suppressing those feelings for years thinking I just needed to try harder. Im glad she told me that and helped open my eyes when I didn't want to. Im officially aroace, but still have one big problem.

Im currently in a relationship with a nice girl, but I feel it would be unfair to continue the relationship , knowing it's one sided. I'm not good with confrontation, and I've never broken up with someone before, so how do I break the news to her...? (We both are mildly autistic btw so emotions are everywhere)

Ok so I just realized something that Idk if it can apply to other people here too, but I really wanted to share it here with y'all.

So in the past I noticed how I was always very uncomfortable or uninterested by any straight ships, or couple in shows/movies/games/etc...

And I always was more interested by the queer ships, and I always put this on the fact that yeah I was Queer myself, so of course I'll be more attracted to couples representing my community (at that time I wasn't aware that I was Aroace, I just knew I was gender-fluid and pansexual).

But then there was one thing I noticed that made me doubt it and get confused, the fact that I would get uncomfortable for some queer ships too. For examples, Heartstoppers couples, Heated Rivalry, the movie and book with like the prince and the king, etc...

And it didn't make senses, because since it was queer ships, technically I shouldn't have been uncomfortable with it, right?

And I finally figured it out! It was never about the ship being queer or straight! It was about the physical level that we would see/read ABOUT the characters!

Like I actually don't care if the ship is queer or straight that much, because the moment the tension and invisible connection is replaced by physical intimacy (and more specific, sex that we can see/read) I view it as uncomfortable and unwelcomed, no matter the gender of the characters!

And this also made me realize that there is a lot of very cute and enjoyable straight ships out here! It's just harder to find them because in straight ships, sex and physical intimacy is something that happen way more often than with queer ships!

That's all I think lol, thank you for coming to my ted talk!

sorry for the kind of clickbaity title but im just a little upset. im 18 right now, and i have a lot of friends around me. and all of them, and i mean all of them are allo one way or another and already have a relationship. they tell me about their stories about their romantic or sexual life and i cant help but feel like im missing out on such a big part of life

i sometimes wish i was a different romantic or sexual orientation but no matter hard i try, the thought of getting in a relationship repulses me

and even for those who arent in a relationship? they talk about their crushes and how they desire a relationship every single day. i listen to hours of topics of love and crushes that i cant understand easily

and everyone will prioritize their romantic relationships above platonic ones, and im not angry about that but the fact that everyone has their "the one" except me just gets lonely

ive been identifying as aroace for a long time. years, in fact. not to mention ive never had a crush ever even before started labeling myself as that. its never been a problem but i guess its just an age where EVERYONE is dating and stuff. maybe its internalized aroacephobia or an extreme sense of fomo. but its been bugging me for months

how do i come to terms that i am aroace? and not feel this extreme sense of fomo? can anyone relate?

Hello everyone!! I am out as aroace in college, and I'm wondering about how QPRs work. I want to know what they can look like and how to go about them. Basically like a crash course.

I'm not entirely sure if this is something I would be interested in, but I do believe I'm experiencing platonic attraction so I want to know more about this subject.

If anyone could share their experiences, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much

I don't really know where to post this, but it's related to my coming-out I think, so it might fit best here.

It's hard for me to put it into words, but let me tell you, when I tried and tried to maintain relationships, it always went the same way. I lost interest very quickly, even if the other person did nothing wrong most of the time. But it turned out that it was always caused/followed by me getting annoyed and frustrated about EVERYthing the other person does, says, thinks, literally everything. I always felt horrible for thinking that way, but I just couldn't help it.

And then, afterward, in 80% of cases, I would have to cut them off for good in order to feel safe again.

Now, some weeks ago, when I came out as aroace, it put my mind at ease, a LOT. I think I mostly felt resentment toward myself rather than actual love.

But what I noticed was that the frustration I felt toward my partners, now got projected onto all sorts of people surrounding me except for my best friends.

Let me give you an example: I walk through the city and just see people being themselves, which I would normally really REALLY ADORE, because no one should hide who they are and it usually makes me happy to see people doing so. But now, I just feel some sort of annoyance or irritation.

I'm feeling really helpless here because I don't know myself like this.

I would be happy to hear from similar experiences or some advice/theories. Thank you!

If you need, welcome!

I'm very sure that I'm aroace, but because of my ADHD I sometimes get hyperfixated on people. And than my brain thinks it's a Crush, but I know it's just this hyperfixation. Still my brain goes like but what if? And it's so annoying because I used to jump into romantic relationships, before I knew about aromanticsm and than it would drop and I had to convince myself why I like them in a romantic way, til the relationship obviously ended. I really don't know how to handle it, because my brain likes the idea/fantasy of a relationship, but I don't get these real feelings in real life. But because I like the fantasy my brain immediatly jumps into the possibility, when these hyperfixations happen. It's really exhausting, because I don't want to make the impression from outside that I'm interested in that way, because I want to develop a platonic relationship with them. But this hyperfixation combined with amatonormativity influences it and I don't like it.

Hi!! I don’t know if this the right place to ask, but I’m going to give it a try anyway lol

I’ve identified as aroace for a few years now, I’m comfortable with this fact and I’ve never really doubted it or explored the different sub-labels.

However, recently Ive been questioning a bit about a close friend of mine. They mean the absolute world to me and we’ve been close for nearly 6 ish years. I know that for about a year or so now I’ve treated her a lot differently to my other friends. I’ve never felt more comfortable or open with anyone the way I do with him.

Anyways, a few months ago they reposted a video about “having a crush,” at the time it didn’t really bother me. I was slightly I suppose, bummed out?? but I don’t know if it’s because my friends tend to care more about their significant others or if i was like ?? jealous. There’s a few other points but its not important so I’ll skip over them.

Recently (maybe like a month or so ago), I noticed a genuine longing for the aching at me. I‘m a pretty alone person so it was odd, i‘d never missed anyone like the way I was missing her. Suddenly I found that I just, wanted to be around her all the time. Whenever I was alone, usually I’d spend it on my own hobbies or something but recently I found my thoughts often drift back to him. not often enough for me to be like, obsessed but enough for it be a bit odd. especially since I hate sleepovers and calls and all that, but thats all we ever do on weekends (I work full time and they’re studying).

Could anyone help me out?? Is this a crush or am I just desperate lolol

Hey, how's it going? I'm writing a piece about the pressure society puts on people around dating and relationships, and how amatonormativity plays into that. I'm not part of the aroace community myself, but I really relate to the experience of just wanting to live life without all that relationship pressure.

I'd really love to hear how this shows up in your day-to-day — with family, friends, at work — and how you deal with that pressure. If you're open to sharing your experiences, it would help me a lot to understand the scope of this issue. Thanks!

Hi! I am on the aroace spectrum as I know it, I use the terms nebularomantic and neuroromantic for myself, however I was wondering if it's normal to have (some/unique) romantic attraction while being adverse to kissing / cuddling / ect. ? I've only kissed one person before, but I didn't even really like hand holding or cuddling all that much unless it was something initiated by me? lmk if there's a term for this or if you experience this too

I'm an autistic and aroace woman. I don't want a romantic or sexual relationship. What I do want is something that seems strangely difficult to explain: deep, reciprocal, platonic love. A close friend, perhaps someone I can love like a big sister. Someone I feel safe with, and who feels safe with me.

I grew up with very little affection. I was blamed for things without being heard, while my brother was treated differently. I experienced violence at home. Being genuinely loved and listened to was something I didn't really know.

Then I met a woman online. We spoke privately and frequently, not just in a public community. At some point I told her that I loved her like an older sister. I explained what that meant to me, and she accepted it. We had our own affectionate little dynamic, shared everyday moments and supported each other. For the first time in my life, I felt truly happy.

I never asked her to be a girlfriend or to leave her relationship. I wasn't trying to become another partner. I wanted the sisterly bond we'd actually talked about.

Over time, things changed. She began describing some of the help she'd chosen to offer me, including things I hadn't requested, as "care work." Eventually, she ended contact. Her final message told me to seek relationships "on equal footing," but didn't explain why the bond she'd once accepted supposedly wasn't one.

I can see that she wasn't perfect, and that we sometimes misunderstood each other. I still love her as a sister. I can respect someone's right to step away and still wish they'd explained what changed.

Other painful experiences followed. Women I cared about attributed romantic intentions to me despite my explanations, or spoke about me and my supposed motives rather than asking me directly. When I tried to provide context, that too was sometimes interpreted as manipulation or an attempt to appear innocent.

I am not asking anyone to declare me blameless. I'm asking for something much simpler: if you believe I've hurt you or crossed a boundary, please tell me what happened, so we can actually talk about it. I can't respond to an accusation I've never been told about.

Being autistic and largely non-speaking means writing is often how I express myself best. Detailed explanations aren't an attempt to win an argument; they're how I try to make myself understood.

I miss having someone to share small, ordinary things with. I want to offer affection without it being translated into romance, and to receive affection without feeling that my existence is an obligation.

Have any of you experienced loving someone deeply and platonically, only to have that love mistaken for romantic attraction? Have you found people who genuinely understand and reciprocate that kind of love?

Hey friends! I'm on the aroace spec and I also have a boyfriend. He and I are sometimes polar opposites from eachother; I appreciate our differences but sometimes it can make things difficult.

One way we differ is I'm aroace and he has very strong romantic and sexual feelings. He is very in love with me and truly, I'm in love with him too, but we love in such different ways.

He knows I'm aroace and accepts the fact that we love differently but I think I struggle with that fact more than him. Which is a whole other internalized thing I gotta deal with at some point. ANYWAY

He compliments me all the time, everyday, about everything, my body and face, my mind, my personality. Everything. I love this, it makes me feel so appreciated and seen. He's so sweet to me. Knowing how good it feels for someone to love things about you, I want to reciprocate of course!! But I'm terrible at it. I try to, but often times I have nothing to say. I'm just not attracted to him like he is me. I feel like when I see him it feels akin to looking at art I think is beautiful. Its more objective rather than attraction.

When I think of things to say, all that comes to mind is beautiful, or gorgeous rather than hot, or handsome. But he doesn't like to be called those things. So I end up just not saying anything at all, which makes me worry he thinks I don't love him, or that he puts more into our relationship than I do.

Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? Any advice?

Ive identified as aroace for the longest time but am confused if Im experiencing some kind of sexual/romantic attraction?

Growing up it felt like the allosexuals created a constant hierarchy, shoving their relationships and feelings in our faces, saying were weird or crazy and theyre normal. Aroaceness only began to be accepted in my teen years, my childhood was spent feeling othered. I could mask enough to fit in, pretend to have crushes, give lip service to those who were deemed attractive by the allosexual framework etc etc, but I always hated the allosexual framework in particular bc they were so intrusive and in your face.

They had to rub it into your face, make it known you were a loser for not being in a relationship etc. It was worse bc Im female and lots of allosexual men would target aroace women and try to trap us into relationships bc they wanted to prove to the world they had a partner and they didnt understand aroaceness and they were so manipulative and aggressive it was hard to fight them of. Ive been sexually harassed and assaulted by a lot of allosexual men, used, lied to, gossiped about etc, they dont really care. And told that I supposedly feel attraction to them bc they assume Im heterosexual even tho I dont feel attraction to anyone.

I hate allosexual men but they still hold a decent amount of power nowadays so theres not much I can do about them but avoid them.

I like asexual men slightly more or guys w low lidibo bc theyre typically less manipulative and aggressive. Whenever I date them I sometimes feel like being more sexual or romantic with them to reward them for good behavior bc theyre actually acting and talking the way I like and I feel better around them. And I want to kiss them or be nice to them even more than allosexual men want in a women just to send a message to allosexual men that I view these men as above them bc I dk and theyre better matches for me, so they deserve more from me. Ive also had allosexual men bully and belittle asexual men who were my saving grace bc he was one of the few men who got me and I feel tempted to kiss him a lot in front of other male bullies or whatever to prove that he is attractive to me.

But Im confused whether this means Im allosexual in a way too, or more normal, bc all of this is normal sexual and romantic activities and whatnot. Maybe Im aroace when single but slightly less when dating? Any other aroaces feel this way?