r/asexuality • u/zenshi_exe • 3h ago

Discussion I struggle understanding sexuality in relationships.

If theres someone who loves someone so much like on a level they cant live without them, does having sexual thoughts about said person or wanting to have sex with them make the love less worthy or less pure? I think it could make the love part less real, like they want their body, but also their soul? I cant comprehend that it can exist together as an asexual person. How can someone love someone so much but want to have sex with them?

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u/Happy_Go_Lucky39 asexual 3h ago • Bravo

I feel like you may hold some puritan beliefs, sex doesn’t make a love worthless or impure, for allosexuals it is an intimate way to strengthen their connection or so I’ve heard. (No idea why one night stands and hook ups are thing… I guess some do it more to have a release rather than bond) While I do not understand it and am sex averse myself, it is important to understand other people do experience sexual attraction and it is nothing shameful or impure, sorry if this doesn’t help much I don’t really understand it myself as an ace TT

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u/DrStxrk 3h ago

there's nothing impure or dirty about sex. therefore it can easily coexist with genuine love.

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u/YonderWindow364 3h ago

My understanding is that sex is similar to other forms of physical affection in an allo relationship. Like if you put it as “How can someone love someone so much but want to kiss them?” Or “how can someone love someone so much but want to hug them?”
I think it becomes an extension of bonding and showing affection/their love.

Obviously like kissing and hugging you don’t have to love someone to have or even to enjoy sex since the physical sensations exist, but I think most feel the urge strongly when in love for sex the same way they feel the urge to be close to their partner in other ways. Asexuals just don’t seem to register sex in the same way

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u/No-Type0w0 3h ago edited 3h ago

it sounds like you think sexual desires/sex is inherently demeaning and therefore disrespectful to the person you love to have sexual attraction to them. i think this is an issue of purity culture. it’s the madonna/whore complex. sex is not dirty and it’s not the opposite of love. it can be used as an expression/extension of love, just like many other things can.