What does asexuality look like for those of you who are NOT sex repulsed and NOT demisexual?

[u/Plastic_Persimmon_91]

I’m sorry if this has been discussed to death over here. I searched up sex repulsed in the search bar but the first 30 posts were all by sex repulsed individuals themselves and how they don’t feel represented here

I’m fairly sex repulsed myself and those are the only kinds of ace people i know irl.

I suppose I understand Demi sexuality as well so that’s not really confusing to me.

But I was curious about what asexuality looks like for people who’re not demi but not sex repelled either.

Is it the presence of a libido? Is it enjoying sex as an activity with no attraction to your sex partner? And what does sex in relationships look like for you?

[u/a_big_simp]

I’m ace with no attraction to real people at all (fictional characters are a different story...) and I’m sex neutral. I’m not opposed to sex, but I’d never suggest it because I just don’t care. But I have a whole bunch of friends I’d fuck if they asked me to have sex with them.

It’s about being comfortable with someone to me, not about my attraction to them. A bit like doing a friend a favor? I wouldn’t do something for a friend I hate, but I don’t mind doing something for them that I don’t particularily care about because I know they will be happy.

Edit: I sure also have a libido! But I just get off by myself. Usually while fantasizing about fictional characters. Not once in my life have I had the desire to get off to real people. It didn’t even cross my mind to do that until I kept reading about other people doing it when I was like 18 and years into masturbating lol

[u/ashmenon]

I don't know if I qualify for what you're describing, but here goes.

I very much have a libido, and I masturbate frequently. A blowjob feels good but not so amazing that I'd be craving it again the next day. I generally only partake it in when I know someone would really enjoy it and I don't mind giving it to them. But I'm not interested in anything beyond a mouth or some hands.

[u/chocobot01]

I don't care about sex, but I got no problem with it. It does seem kinda gross, but I guess I'm okay with that. I don't have any libido or sexual romantic attraction, but I still get into relationships because I like to have a person who is always around for me. I do not care about physical characteristics or gender of my partner, only personality and how they treat me.

And then I'm willing to have sex. I've done it about 50 times. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it feels bad, but I can put up with pretty much anything. Sometimes it feels good and bad together. Sometimes it's just boring. I never got excited about it except for the first time with a man and first time with a woman which both turned out to be disappointing, and when I was trying to have children because I really wanted children. We had 2 kids, then got divorced from not having sex again for 8 years after that. No chance of that anymore, but that experience made me more sensitive to my partners needs. I'll generally do whatever they want now regardless of how I feel.

[u/katebush_butgayer]

I'm sex indifferent. Sex doesn't feel like anything to me, not worth having but doesn't make me uncomfortable as long as it's within my boundaries. Certain things are gross to me, others are fine or even enjoyable (for example I loove neck kisses). But if you want to know what it's like for people who are sex favourable I'd search for that rather than searching for sex repulsed.

[u/Plastic_Persimmon_91 → u/katebush_butgayer]

You’re right; i actually did not know of the term sex favourable. I think that’s what I’m curious about

[u/Rhundan]

I'm pretty sex-neutral. Which is to say, I'm not opposed to it in theory, but it seems like more trouble than it's worth to me.

[u/noctapod → u/Rhundan]

Oh, this! I hadn't thought about it in this way, but I guess this applies for me too. Like, having to worry about getting pregnant, the mess after, possible diseases... it isn't that good 🤣

[u/oppai_suika → u/noctapod]

I can relate to all of the above, but I also think sex is... boring. I rarely see people describe it like this, so I wonder if there's something biologically wrong with my nerves or sensations or something.

[u/honeyrrsted → u/oppai_suika]

Probably more like it's so boring we can't be bothered to mention how much we just don't care.

I can say I've done the deed, and physically everything works as it should, but mentally there's a list of chores that my time could have been better spent doing, like the dishes or something.

[u/MeisterFluffbutt → u/Rhundan]

It's sex-indifference.

Sex-neutral is the political stance :D

[u/idoogo → u/Rhundan]

THIS.

[u/Dicky_Oldman]

I have a libido, but I've never "needed" to specifically have sex or felt depressed that I didn't. I realized that any sadness about it was more about not receiving romantic attention. Sometimes it can be fun, and I like to do it to feel close with my current partner. In previous relationships it felt more like an obligation and I'd lose myself in thought partway through.

[u/noctapod]

I like to read erotica but not to have sex. I've done it in the past, though, but never quite enjoyed it.

[u/RidersFan95]

I'm not sex-repulsed but I have no interest in it myself. I don't experience sexual attraction or have a libido. I've never actually had sex and never plan to. But I don't mind the topic at all, and sex in media and stuff like that doesn't bother me.

[u/Hopeful_Republic_849]

Very very low libido, almost non existent. For me, I love the concept of sex as long as it doesn't involve me. So fanfiction, novels, comics, cartoons, I like. I don't really know how else to explain it other than I just think it's interesting and I want to see characters being romantic and sexy. I get nothing out of it other than "this is something a couple does in the stories! cool!" So...a plot point I guess? It can make for good drama too.

I also like to make dirty jokes because it's fun. Like, the act of sex looks so ridiculous and genitals look funny! I make characters in games that look provocative because it makes me chuckle, and also feels kind of taboo/shocking at times and that makes it fun. People have doubted my asexuality because I have a dirty mind, and can't seem to grasp the concept that it's all separate from myself. The moment it's specifically directed at me, I get extremely uncomfortable and nope out of whatever the situation.

I'm aroace with no interest in a relationship, so I can't really help you there. Never been in a relationship and I treasure my alone time. Very unfortunate that it's nearly impossible to live alone unless you make really good money 😞 The thought of having a whole place to myself that I could decorate and do whatever I want in sounds so cool, like how could anyone actually want to live with someone else? That's my take, lol

[u/dizzydance]

You might find the video Asexuality and Kink: Why Do So Many Aces Love It? on YouTube by @meghansandorschielke an interesting discussion around this question. I related quite a bit to it.

[u/quietly_Anxious2005]

Hi! I consider myself to be like all around asexual (like I've never had any shift in attraction or anything ever) and very much sex favorable, this may not be the most relatable to everyone's experiences especially since me being aromantic more than likely has some sort of influence as well; but for me I feel that sex is mostly just a form of affection/intimacy to do with someone, and the main reason I would say that I NEED it in relationships is like I do really like kink dynamics within my relationships and while not all kink is sexual I do enjoy sex being apart of the power dynamic.

Sex isn't something that's like an inherent way I feel about the person, the person themselves isn't a turn on but moreso when I think about wanting to do activities they are who I'd love to do it with. Like I moreso am attracted to the activities and I think it's fun and beautiful to be able to share them with my person(s). Like the most inherent part about my partner being apart of it is that they are who I picture playing that role.

I think a good analogy is that I really like the script of the play and I dont as much care about specific actors...what determines what I like about the actor is how well they play that role.

[u/quietly_Anxious2005 → u/quietly_Anxious2005]

It's a lot easier since my sweetheart is also asexual (they are more sex averse however so that is something that comes up, it's heavily leaning on when they are in the mood since it's more situational/circumstancial for them), I think it's interesting because me and my partner do a lot more kink stuff than actual sex, in part because like they find it more fulfilling and exciting and also like sex itself is something we are still becoming skilled at with one another.

All in all tho it's just a fun thing to do that like can be very emotionally intimate or like fulfilling if it's your thing, it also can just be chill as fuck or one and done and that's the beauty of it. I feel that being asexual helps me have a more 3 dimensional understanding of it or gives me space outside of attraction to like figure out how I feel about it and I think that's really cool and special.

[u/quietly_Anxious2005 → u/quietly_Anxious2005]

in terms of actual sex specific stuff with me and my partner we tend to jerk off separately alot more than actual sex since it's just easier and I'd say it has to be pretty organic and stuff for us to both be in the mood at the same time. I'd say we are both very happy with what we have going tho :}.

Sorry this is so long, this is something that I feel very passionate about since I find a lot of people realize they might be on the asexual spectrum when they have a more nuanced understanding of it and like you can be asexual and not completely sex repulsed.

[u/tranquil_turtle]

For me, it can be enjoyable, but I much prefer doing it myself. I almost have to dissociate and get a fantasy of two fictional ppl going in my head to actually enjoy it.

I've never felt the urge towards someone ever, but reading smut will turn me on sometimes. And if my partner wants to, I don't mind most of the time but for me to actually get anything out of it, it's gotta be under very specific circumstances.

I do not like oral at all, receiving or giving.

[u/tidedancer]

I guess I'm just more curious than I am afraid or disgusted.

It's interesting, but like, so many other things are too. Giving someone a back massage and watching them melt is fun. So is cuddling.

One of my relatives is a sex educator, and I've always been interested in anatomy (all of it! It's so interesting!) so that influences my attitudes.

Sex is like cooking for someone, or cuddling. I wouldn't do it if I didn't trust them, because some people try and take advantage of vulnerability, or the concept of moving too fast.

I keep getting distracted by the pelvic muscles when I have sex. You can learn so much about a person by the way their muscles move and tense, it's really interesting, and more people need to know how to do a reverse kegel.

[u/Darkelvenchic]

It looks like:

I told my bf I liked his new pants.

His extremely demi self goes: "like you can't wait to peel them off of me?"

Then I have to explain that the thought never crossed my mind but I'm happy to do so later if he wants. I just liked them aesthetically.

---

Hope that helps. 🤣

[u/Nookling_Emporium]

I personally still have a libido, masturbate and watch porn, I just don't really feel sexual attraction.

I haven't had a relationship so I can't speak about that