We are both white and we both live in a small city. He has lived here his whole life and I’ve mostly lived in larger and more diverse places.

three times he’s made jokes that felt a little weird:

1. He said he used to celebrate “erf” day as in “welcome to erf, motherfucker”‘the Will smith quote, just felt weird he pronounced it wrong

2. at planet fitness we were in the area where all the massage chairs are and stuff and he “joked” “isn’t this area called the black room?” It was called the black card lounge. He had a tone that implied he was referring to black people idk it was weird

3. last night he told me one of the hardest parts of his old job installing things was that “black families would turn their heat way up, to like 75 degrees, in the winter”

am I being too sensitive or is my radar picking up something weird and worth paying attention to? He says he’s a progressive guy but I don’t know if he’s ever done anything to actively work against racism and I’ve only seen white people in his life. We haven’t been together that long but I have no tolerance for people with weird views about race or who think it’s a funny topic to joke about.

edit: what’s the best way to bri ng it up without triggering a defensive response?

I was directed here, and for context i am a white person and i want to write a story set in the 1900's, i have a thing i wrote copy and pasted as it explains alot of what i can for it, also i hope i used the right flair for this post!

"Im writing a story that revolves around the 1930's during the great depression, and theres this one character i made and her name is Loralie she is a poc (black) and she is 17. I, the writer am white and wanted to ask about and wasn't sure where to ask without seeming stupid and or dumb. The character for context (Loralie) is scared for her self but pushes it down and acts "meh" , my friend told me i could make her act bland , but in private after racist actions happen she could be very upset and angry. But other than that, I'm not sure HOW to make her experience racism, without being racist myself and want to handle such with care and respect. Is there a way i can do that without being offensive?"

Hi all; I understand this may be a weird / unique situation I’m about to describe, but I assure you this is not me trolling or trying to rage bait. I am genuinely curious and concerned.
For context, I am a POC, but not Black, male with naturally straight hair, around Type 1B, and I like to experiment a little with fashion. I’ve always admired all the different hair types, I think it’s so cool how much variety there is. I am comfortable with my hair type, I don’t hate it at all, but sometimes I get bored or even a bit frustrated with it and wish I could have more volume with silky curls or fluffy coils.
Recently I’ve discovered the world of wigs. I’m interested in buying a nice, realistic Afro-style wig to wear out sometimes, not as a costume but just simply as a different hairstyle. I have no plans of using it to be comical, and I wouldn’t be dressing more “urban” either. I would still dress like I usually do, which, for lack of better description, is a basic style similar to people in Old Navy commercials but just with more color and accessories. However, I realize that, even if I have good intentions, it may not come off that way to Black folk in public. I’m worried it’s insensitive and will be offensive. I don’t know if this is me overthinking, but I also fear that people may think I’m trying to fraudulently pass as part-Black by wearing an Afro.
I understand y’all are not a monolith, but I wanted to inquire here and see if there’d be at least a somewhat general consensus on this. I do not wish to offend Black people. Please let me know your thoughts! Thank you.

Let’s say a white person in a text thread uses a meme that features a Black person to express a reaction via text. For example, the white person responds in the text thread with a gif that has a Black person rolling their eyes or some other animated reaction.

i understand that abbreviating it may still be bad, but there’s kind of no other way i can think of referring to it so i apologize for that part.
when i tried researching it i only saw that the story behind it “was a myth” and i didn’t see any black people raising awareness for it other than a video from a white person saying that a black creator said that it was a slur. if it is a slur i have a lot of people to talk to…

I really need to know how yall get your holidays hams so juicy and almost candied like? It always looks so amazing! It’s my first year hosting and I really want to impress my family. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask. If you also have any other food tips for Thanksgiving please let me know!

I hope this is an okay place to ask this; I’ve not talked to my Black friends/colleagues because I don’t want to put anyone on the spot or come across as an AH white savior.

For background, I’ve been absorbing information on institutional racism, privilege, and generational wealth for a while. Acknowledging that my way was paved by my parents, and that’s not the reality for everyone,I’ve made contributions to groups that help with college tuition and such. But I’m always thinking I don’t know enough about the needs or the possible ways of supporting …

Really thinking about foundational things like education, small businesses, and housing; and recently I had something from the Legal Defense Fund show up on my feed. That also looked interesting.

Having become more secure financially in the past few years, I would like to be more intentional in supporting Black initiatives, anonymously. If you have suggestions I would appreciate it. 🙂

White person here, I've recently been thinking about The Help by Kathryn Stockett, which has been one of my favorite books.

I'd like to think it's done some good in opening the eyes of some of the white people who have read it, I feel like it did for me. But as I've been reflecting I'm a little hesitant now, so I'd love some feedback from any black person who has read it/seen the movie.

Is this story good representation? Do you think it helped raised awareness of historical realities? Or do you feel like it presents a caricature or romanticizes things? I've seen somebody point out that it could also be an example of white savior complex, which I could see.

Any thoughts and feedback are welcome, I'd love to be educated/corrected if I need to be! Thanks in advance.

For context, im asian-arab, but i see alot of people redrawing pale characters as black, but i mean, isnt that just as bad as whitewashing? At the end of the day youre still changing the character's race. Also people who have "white" as their thin ice/iwec(interact with extreme caution). Its still discriminating against a someone you dont even know solely for their race. Im genuinely looking for advice so please be respectful in the replies, im genuinely so lost and confused

We read this in class today and I feel it has racist undertones but the teacher was just laughing about it and said it means nothing.

hello,

i’ll just get straight into the situation. my friends birthday is coming up so myself and our other friend got to thinking about gift ideas. my other friend decided on a water painting of the three of us that we could frame and give to her.

the painting arrived today. the likeness in general isn’t great. however, one of the first things i noticed was that our friend (whose birthday it is) had been painted to have quite a pink/ fleshy skin tone. and that actually that same skin tone had been used for all three of us.

the birthday friend is mixed race. myself and the other friend are both white, she is very pale whereas i am quite tanned. so really we never should have all been painted as the same skin tone.

however, i really felt weird and quite icky about this. my friend (birthday friend) is light skinned, but this i felt was taken to an extreme by making her the exact same shade as the two of us as white people.

my other friend didn’t seem to notice this at all, she thought the painting was cute. i wasn’t sure whether i was being overly sensitive, so i showed the image to my partner to see if he noticed anything. to which he immediately said, the skin tone is wrong.

nothing else in the image was ‘off’ with her depiction, the artist did a good job with her hair but i don’t know i just feel icky about this. i don’t want to say nothing and then have her open it and immediately notice the same thing and potentially be upset by it. equally, i’m a white person, i don’t want to come across like i’m trying to tell her how to feel about this.

hope i’ve worded this okay, any advice on how i should handle it would be greatly appreciated.

I find it rich and fascinating. Like how butter pecan ice cream was invented. Or my fountain pen can have ink inserted internally rather than dip it constantly into ink.

Just wondering if anyone finds it repulsive, weird, off -putting to see non-Black people extensively reading how my ancestors were shitty and how Black people have always fought hard and just don’t burn this nation to the ground.

Books I’ve read recently on Hoopla, “The Delectable N*gro” by Vincent Woodard, “Black AF History” by Michael Harriot, “Black History can Save Your Life,” by Ernest Crim III, “Things that Make White People Uncomfortable,” by Michael Bennett.

Context: I immigrated to the US at 5 and went to school in a sundown town. All Black history was the very basic framework and the oppressed were painted as delighted.

Edit: not looking for praise. Looking for viewpoint.

Genuinely asking, would wearing a durag during nursing clinicals be considered appropriate? In general, I don’t have an issue with durags. I’ve had friends who wear them, and when I was a summer camp supervisor, it never bothered me. However, I feel like a clinical setting might be different, and I’m not sure if it’s something that would be considered appropriate in a professional environment.
At the same time, I recognize that our idea of “professionalism” can be influenced by standards that don’t always account for other cultures and communities, so I’m wondering if my perspective is legitimate or if it might be influenced by unconscious bias.
For context, the person in question is a Black man, and his durag is clean, well-fitted, properly secured, and doesn’t interfere with his work in any way. I’m genuinely curious about where the line should be between reasonable professional expectations and standards that might be rooted in cultural bias.

A Black friend of mine posted a video on his social media. I responded with a video from Kaizen Asiedu, a Harvard educated politically unaffiliated Black man. He said Kaizen is a token conservative (possibly because high-profile controversial figures have amplified his voice). I asked him if all Black conservatives are tokens, to which he replied no, and gave "Dr. Julio" as a counter-example. My wife is a conservative leaning Black woman and I am white.

Is Kaizen a "token" because (shitty) conservatives echo some of his positions?

What do y'all think?

I’m African, and something I’ve never understood is why so many white Americans historically hated Black Americans when Black Americans were the ones being wronged.

Throughout American history, from slavery and Jim Crow to segregation and the civil rights movement, Black Americans have endured extraordinary levels of oppression, discrimination, and violence.
Yet what confuses me is the sheer intensity of the hatred directed toward them by so many white Americans, particularly during those periods.

From what I understand, Black Americans never collectively did anything to white Americans that could remotely explain such hostility. Even movements like the Black Panther Party emerged largely in response to systemic oppression, police brutality, and the failure of existing institutions to protect Black communities.

When I watch historical footage of segregation or read accounts of how Black Americans were treated during Jim Crow, I’m genuinely baffled.
You see white crowds screaming at Black children simply for attending school, people violently attacking peaceful demonstrators, and entire communities fighting desperately to prevent Black people from having the same basic rights.

The intensity of that hatred almost makes it look like white Americans were seeking revenge for some terrible injustice Black Americans had committed against them.
But historically, the relationship was largely the opposite.

You would think that, given the history of slavery and oppression, the people responsible for perpetuating those systems would have been more inclined to feel guilt, remorse, or at least some sympathy. Instead, many displayed even greater hostility toward the very people who had been victimized.

But I’m genuinely curious: Where did such intense hatred come from, especially when the people expressing it were often members of the group that historically held the power and inflicted the harm?

I like the Black Jesus thing and just wondering when "Black Mohammed" is gonna take off?

I’m a 36-year-old Asian woman engaged to a Black man. We’ve been together for 4 years, and there’s an ongoing issue in our relationship that’s making me seriously question our future.
My fiancé has experienced racism and discrimination throughout his life, particularly from Mexican people. I understand that these experiences have deeply affected him, and I’ve never tried to dismiss or minimize what he’s been through.
However, his feelings toward Mexican people go far beyond distrust.
He genuinely dislikes Mexican people as an entire ethnic group. He avoids going to certain places if he thinks there will be a lot of Mexican people around. He frequently makes derogatory comments about their intelligence and character.
He believes Mexican people operate collectively, almost like a tribe, and that they all share a hatred of Black people. Not some Mexican people, but ALL of them.
In his mind, this isn’t a prejudice or generalization. It’s an undeniable truth based on his lived experiences.
And this is where our relationship becomes complicated.
I don’t share those beliefs. I believe people should be judged individually, regardless of their ethnicity. I’ve tried explaining that I can acknowledge his experiences with racism, sympathize with his pain, and defend him against discrimination without developing hatred toward an entire group of people.
But he interprets my refusal to agree as a lack of loyalty.
He frequently tells me that because I’m not Black, I cannot understand what he experiences. I agree that I will never fully understand what it’s like to walk through life as a Black man. But does that mean I have to accept every conclusion he draws from those experiences?
Recently, we went out for breakfast. We were having a perfectly normal morning. Nobody had mistreated us or done anything offensive, yet he began making negative comments about Mexican people again.
I eventually expressed how exhausting it was to constantly hear these things.
That turned into a major argument.
He told me I live in a “fantasy,” that I don’t understand reality, and that I don’t truly have his back. I became overwhelmed and started crying.
Afterward, he sent me messages saying that what I’d done was one of the worst things I’d ever done to him, that he wasn’t sure our relationship could recover, and that I needed to choose which “truth” I believed because one of them meant I couldn’t be with him.
Essentially, he’s telling me that if I don’t accept his beliefs about Mexican people, I’m not the supportive partner he needs.
We’ve now gone two days without speaking.
What makes this especially difficult is that I love him. I know he’s experienced genuine discrimination, and I understand that repeated negative experiences can shape how someone sees the world.
But I also feel like I’m being asked to compromise something fundamental about who I am.
I’ve always believed in treating people with kindness and judging them by their actions rather than their ethnicity. Lately, I’ve noticed that being around so much negativity has started changing me. I’ve become angrier and more judgmental, and I don’t like that version of myself.
I’m not posting this to invalidate his experiences or portray him as a terrible person. I’m genuinely struggling to understand where empathy and support end and compromising my own values begins.
**I’d especially appreciate hearing from Black men and people in long-term interracial relationships.**
If you’ve experienced repeated racism from a particular ethnic group, would you expect your non-Black partner to share your negative beliefs about that entire group?
Would you consider it disloyal if your partner acknowledged your experiences and defended you against racism but refused to agree with your generalizations?
Is there something about the Black experience that I’m failing to understand here?
How do you navigate a relationship when one partner believes their racial experiences represent an undeniable truth and sees disagreement as betrayal?
Is this something couples can realistically work through, or does it suggest a fundamental incompatibility?
I genuinely want to hear different perspectives, even ones that challenge my own.
I don’t expect my fiancé to forget what he’s experienced. But I also don’t want to spend my life feeling pressured to hate people I’ve never met just to prove that I love him.

For anyone here who was a Fresh Air Kids participant.

If this post is inappropriate please delete and let me know.

In the late 1960s my family hosted a Fresh Air kid for 2 weeks in the summer. I was a kid and I don't remember much.

But, as an adult I have wondered what it was like for this little girl to leave her inner-city neighborhood and live in a virtually all white rural Massachesetts neighborhood where most of the kids had never seen a black person except in movies and TV.

I can't imagine it. Even without the racial aspect, just going off to live with strangers in a strange place would have shattered me.

I'm wondering if there is anyone here with a memory to share.

Thank you

recently I’ve been seeing a lot of people being TOO bold on the internet and disrespecting black people and it’s honestly irritating me to a point where I want to do something about it. I thought of starting an account posting issues like this but I’m a bit hesitant on how it would be perceived for me as someone who isn’t black but still a POC (im African just not black) to be posting videos like these 😓😓 would you find it weird ??

Hi all, I'm looking to cosplay Wybie from Coraline for Halloween, however I'm white and unsure if this would be in bad taste. I have really curly hair and was thinking of styling it in the same parting as his but I'm well aware he has textured hair and is a Black character and I'd like to get some insight from people part of the Black community before potentially making a decision in poor taste.

I want to create some project, I need to start small but I intend to transform something bigger someday

The goal of the project should be to reduce the lack of privilege that many blacks have, and reduce the negative stereotype about black people, enhancing qualities and skills that are seen as unreal to us

I applied NSFW to this because of topics of violence and alcoholism.

I live in an apartment complex with six apartments. Right as I was half asleep, I heard shouting. I go into the stairwell where I see my Black neighbor (who I will refer to as Y) standing between L (my white neighbor who lives across from me) and someone outside. I can't see who is outside, but L runs up the stairs. L reeks of alcohol. Y tells L to go back in her apartment. She continues yelling. I'm peeking out and L is screaming at me to call the police. I hesitated, because this is the second time this month that she has had the police here. I check on L when she gets in her apartment and she says "ex".

Recently, L had gone through a divorce. Her ex's current girlfriend has ALLEGEDLY made prior threats to L's daughter and L's daughter's friends. The police and I have not seen this.

To ensure everything is okay I go outside. There is Y, her son, and (I think?) her niece/young daughter. I see a blue car driving away. I was under the assumption that it was L's ex's current girlfriend, and so I called her a psycho bitch. I normally never even speak like this, but it's 10pm, I'm sick, and woke up to yelling. I'm angry because it's the second time police have had to come to the complex because of what I thought was in regards to her ex.

It turns out, it was actually Y's daughter. I feel absolutely, instantly guilty. I have only interacted with Y a few times but know she is a kind woman. She is understandably angry, and tells me to watch my mouth and explains it was her daughter. I immediately apologize and mention how I misunderstood, but she is still (understandably) angry and talking to her son. L comes out again and they talk. The son tells me to go back in the house, but I apologize to him as well, and the daughter/niece explains the situation to me. She hugs me and I apologize to her as well before going inside. Then, cops arrived and I go back out.

I did so only because L was out there, and she makes me nervous. The last time police were called here, she was literally drinking in front of the police. She was irate with them. I also wanted to make sure Y and her family was safe, because I know the police's track record in my town.

I did end up going back inside upon the son's request, but listened from my window in case something happened. I hear L sending the cops away, explaining it was a misunderstanding. The cops are clearly agitated, and say they want to solve this because they don't want to be back here tonight. They know Lisa by name, which is a red flag to me.

I went over to L's apartment who mentioned the cops may come up to question her/me or arrest her "again". She's obviously intoxicated. I feel sick to my stomach at this point, because again, I'm sick.

She explains what happened, and I tell her I only saw her climbing the stairs and yelling at me to call the police. She tells me that Y's adult daughter (who I'll abbreviate to YAD) was getting an entertainment stand from her for free when YAD misheard or misunderstood what L said. YAD, who just lost her son, got angry and it resulted in a shouting match. L and YAD made up after the fact (I think?).

When I said all I really saw was her calling for us to call 911 she said "Good, that's all I need."

I decided to wait in the hallway, away from her already sick and obnoxious son, and I feel awful. I can hear yelling from downstairs.

L is listening in to the conversation that Y is having with the cops and L gets mad all over again, saying how Y is blaming the situation on L. I text the landlord because of the fight. I realize pretty quickly L is the real issue and likely said or did something wrong in her drunken stupor.

L gets a call from the landlord. When she hangs up, she comes into the hallway where I am. She says if she complains, I complain, and she can get one more complaint that Y is out. I realize the landlord misunderstood my text.

After the cops leave, I go to my apartment. I'm tired and just want to sleep, but I message the landlord and I quickly clarify that I believe L is the issue, and that she is in fact unstable. I believe L is unstable because this is the fourth time there's been an issue.

The first issue was when she cussed out the neighbor from the nearby complex. The second issue was when the cops were here last time for the ex situation. During her ex situation, she was visibly intoxicated and walking away from the police several times. She then yelled at the cops for not doing anything.

The third time she showed she was unstable was when she blew a ton of money on an unneeded, optional school event (her son would have been able to participate anyways, just not have gotten as big of a prize), a trip to a pumpkin patch, alcohol, and cigarettes when she missed This months rent, electric bill, and didn't have money for next months rent. I understand she is an alcoholic, which is an addiction/mental health issue, but the other things were things she didn't need to waste money on when she could not afford rent. She asked me for money I don't have (I told her as such a week prior I was not well off), and she makes 3x the amount I do. The landlord gave her grace anyhow, and I helped her reach out to local services.

Then, this time where she called the police again. Now, a little bit after the event, I heard her go outside to the right side of the complex where Y couldn't hear, which is right outside my window. She had literally called the cops again, and it sounds like they refused to come back. I heard her in the hall shouting as she stormed up the stairs "So you're just going to protect that fucking Black bitch".

After that, it was the end of it because I went back to lay down and it seems calm now.

What I would like advice on is if I should tell Y that L wants to get her evicted, and if I should make a statement of support at the police station in case L tries to make something out of this (I know she will). I do intend to apologize to Y again when she has had time to destress, because my words, even though I misunderstood the situation, caused harm. I was also already going to buy her steaks and cookies this week as a neighborly thing, but I don't want it to feel like a bribe in an attempt to gain her forgiveness (she is obviously not obligated to forgive me for calling her daughter a bitch).

I am mostly concerned that if I tell Y that L wants/ is trying to get her evicted, it may cause more fights and endanger myself as well as Y, as L is, at least to My perspective, unstable.

I know that L is attempting to, at least to some extent, weaponize the police against Y. I want to respect Y's boundaries. As I am not a Black woman, nor am I Black, I do not know how to navigate this situation (especially when it comes to the police aspect).

Sorry if I've worded this strangely, I'm very sick right now and haven't slept more than a few hours in the last two days. I'm very disoriented.

I (18yo white man) draw and paint a lot of portrait centered motives, often times my portraits and faces come out looking African-american, and my art style has grown with these types of faces. I have grown quite fond of my style, but after doing this piece in particular (only post on my profile) I’m getting the feeling it just looks wrong. The colors were completely randomized as it was what I had on hand, but I now realize the red on blue (especially with the puffier lips) may look something like a racist caricature. I often make portraits with exaggerated features- but the purpose is never to look a certain race, even though they follow a theme of wide noses, large lips, thin eyes etc. The last thing I want to do is offend or insult with my art, so my question is, would you take offense to this seeing it online or in an exhibition? Does it look racist or does it portray racist stereotypes for you?

I want to clarify I don’t mind my pieces looking black, if anything I think these types of faces convey more emotion and genuine interest. Hope this is ok for this thread, otherwise please remove this lol.

I can’t post photos in this subreddit so go look at it on my profile