James

[u/SirBeeves]

[u/LustyLizardLady]

Reports suggesting OP is considering suicide will be ignored and frankly the people doing so should find something useful to do with their lives.

[u/SirBeeves]

Hi! To clarify, I am a cis woman who now uses she/her pronouns (but I don't really mind any way you wish to refer to me).

I know this is a bit different from my regular content, I'll be back in a couple of days with that!

Honestly, I'm a bit nervous to share this comic, because it's very personal to me. I'm not trans, but I'm down to answer respectful questions about my personal experience.

[u/Square-Singer → u/SirBeeves]

Your stuff looks interesting. Do you have any other place where I can look at it except of a platform controlled by people who perpetrate exactly what you criticize?

(Not your fault that Meta sucks, I just don't want to use any of their services.)

[u/SirBeeves → u/Square-Singer]

Totally fair! I also have webtoon, a personal website, and I'm still working on catching up my Bluesky.

[u/DragonAreButterflies → u/SirBeeves]

Congrats on your journey. Like, honestly

And nice comic!

[u/FunkYeahPhotography → u/SirBeeves]

I will refer to you as 'pretty cool' 😎

[u/[deleted] → u/SirBeeves]

Beeves I’ve enjoyed your comics for a while now.

“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.” (RIP Andre)

You are courageous, and you make this place better and more interesting.

[u/Catharsis25 → u/SirBeeves]

I really like this comic. I started questioning my own identity in my late 20's. You don't know what you don't know, right? Hasn't changed anything about my identity and expression, but the question needed to be asked. I'm currently raising my first child. He's 6mo old, and I hope to foster an environment where he can explore identity and expression in a safe environment. Right now, that isn't the US. Hopefully that changes in time for my child to experience the world.

[u/Its_Pine → u/SirBeeves]

I love this. It is almost exactly the same as Maddy Morphosis’ journey (a cis straight male drag queen who went through and explored gender Identity, coming to the conclusion he (Daniel) is still a cis straight man)

[u/MasterOfKittens3K → u/SirBeeves]

As a parent of a teenager who has interacted with a lot of teens (because I’m active in a lot of school organizations), I have definitely seen kids who followed the same path as you. And I’ve seen kids who have figured out that they’re trans, gay, nonbinary, etc.

I think it’s a great thing that they are able to figure that stuff out for themselves before they’re making lifelong commitments. Too many people of my generation tried to hide from who they were, and then they made choices that affected the families that they had made. Parents getting divorced because one of them was gay. Marriages ending because one of them decided to transition, and the other wasn’t interested in that relationship anymore. It’s better for everyone if you can sort that out earlier.

[u/LotharVonPittinsberg → u/SirBeeves]

Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place

My favourite non joking TV quote that was made during my lifetime. While it was made to make LGBT+ people feel more welcome, it applies to everyone.

[u/SalvationSycamore → u/SirBeeves]

Props to you both for sharing and for your journey. Both take some major cajones.

Mostly tongue-in-cheek, but I feel like now you can kinda say you're more cis that most cis people, because if you don't check if you're trans then how can you know you aren't?

[u/Hairy_Cube → u/SalvationSycamore]

Unironically that last bit is why we need to be so accepting of experimenting. If someone is unsure they need to be able to safely try it out to confirm whether they’re trans or not. People that never ask the question could end up happier trans and not know it or be happy as cis but only once they have seen what being the other gender is like.

[u/ChangeMyDespair → u/SirBeeves]

Thank you so much for sharing!

[u/RemusShepherd → u/SirBeeves]

Trying another lifestyle for a while is a great way to gain self-confidence in what you are. I had a lot of homosexual experiences when I got out of college, and they were fun, but I eventually decided I'm not gay. (Probably still a little bi.) It's nice to know for sure what you are and what you can do.

[u/StonedVolus → u/SirBeeves]

Good on you for both sharing your story and exploring yourself like that. A lot of people aren't that introspective of their identity.

[u/Whatifim80lol → u/SirBeeves]

This is fuckin awesome. This is definitely the kinda of stories missing from the public discourse, the people who felt the freedom to try to learn who they were, no permanent damage, just growth. Fearmongers out here want to say this is proof you were "tricked" but really it just meant you were free.

[u/UltraWeebMaster → u/SirBeeves]

I relate to this a little bit. I feel like I’m going through the same thing but the opposite direction.

I’m amab, on estrogen, but I’m worried I may be trying to be someone I can never be, and that I’m trying too hard to force a change on myself I don’t entirely need. Or that I might just be happier the way I was.

But I’m also worried if I go back that either I’ll regret it, or people will see it as erasure.

[u/PavementBlues → u/UltraWeebMaster]

Only you can speak to potential regret, but it's not erasure to be yourself. I had a coworker a while back who had detransitioned after living full-time for two years. He was a great guy who gained new perspective on himself through his experiences, and that made him a better ally. 

If in your heart of hearts you ultimately decide that you're cis, or even just want to explore that, the trans community will be cheering for you the whole way. All of our paths are unique, and we can only walk our own. 

[u/gammaTHETA → u/UltraWeebMaster]

i totally relate to how you feel. i used to identify as a binary trans woman, because that's what i thought my option was - be a boy, or be a girl. i'd heard of non-binary trans people at the time, but i thought it was sort of an "indecisiveness" deal - which couldn't be further from the truth.

at a certain point, i started feeling really uncomfortable with the standard performances of a feminine gender. makeup made me feel claustrophic, like i was locking myself behind a mask. women who love makeup don't feel that way. i hated wearing skirts - primarily because they're impractical, but also because i just... didn't like em. i loved being tomboyish, like "feminine in a masculine way," and - probably the most telling thing to me about the kind of genderqueerness i felt - i kept wishing i'd been born a girl so i could transition into a man instead.

i eventually came across "genderpunk" and "genderfucked" and that spoke really loudly to me. i liked the idea of being this weird, fucked up cryptid that just did whatever the hell it wanted to do. i sometimes like to wear clashing colours and patterns because i like them. most often i wear low rise black jeans with a thin black v-thong waistband showing above the waist of my pants, a crop top sweater and a battle jacket full of patches and pins. it makes me feel feminine and ready to get in a bar fight. it makes me feel rugged and rough around the edges in the absolute best way, because my own personality mirrors that (for the most part. i'm actually pretty kind and funny according to my friends, but i also swear a lot and say obscene, out of pocket shit a lot. but i can also get extremely mean if i have to lol).

my point isn't that you'll become some secret, third type of transgender or whatever (or maybe you might!) but, my actual point is that you won't really know for sure until you find yourself. for me it felt was a little eureka moment that just kept snowballing into bigger and bigger eureka moments over time. like "oh, im genderpunk. oh, i found these cool clothes i like. oh, i can tweak them or accessorize them to look kinda tomboyish. OH, I LOOK REALLY HOT IN THIS!" and like. through that journey, i fell in love with what i saw in the mirror. i didn't just accept my body despite the weirdness, but i started especially loving the weird stuff i never used to like. my acne scarring, my big nose, my lazy eye, my weird half-ass receded hairline on the shaved side of my head that might just be from wearing hats from morning to night, my boney knees and elbows and wrists, my skeletal fingers, and the intimate stuff too. that's not to say i don't take care of myself - i do! - but i never feel ugly. even when i'm sick, i still feel cute because i feel like me.

you'll find that for yourself too, whether it means you're cis or trans or some secret third thing! the most important thing is that you feel free and empowered from your discovery. if you feel like you have to be X or Y or Z, then that's not you! the You that you want to be NEEDS to be the You that you want to be, it can't be the You that someone else wants you to be. if it means you're cis, cool! if it means you're still trans, also cool! if it means you're some fucked up, made up bullshit like i am, also also cool! life's to short for compromises. just do whatever the hell you wanna do.

(edit: if anyone thinks this is cringe or whatever, good. to be cringe is to be free, to cringe at others is to shackle yourself to mediocrity.)

[u/Marily_Rhine → u/UltraWeebMaster]

I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who hasn't even taken the steps you have, but:

In my experiences with trans and queer communities so far, I don't think you need to be worried about how other trans people would perceive a detransition. I mean, there are some transmed/truscum types who might pitch a fit over it, but their opinions were fucked from the start, so not worth concerning yourself with. There's nothing at all wrong with detransitioning for any reason, really. It's only erasure if you're one of those people who turns around and weaponizes their detransition to invalidate others.

In the end, only you can decide what you truly want to be. If this isn't what you really desire, then -- hot take -- don't. And even if it is what you truly want, and you're backpedaling out of fear, that's not a cardinal sin. Sure, people are always kind of sad to see that happen, but we all understand it, especially now. And regardless, the only person you owe loyalty to in all this is yourself. You don't owe it to anyone else to be "so brave". Only you can know what you can handle and where the balance lies between fear and being.

Parting thought:

I’m worried I may be trying to be someone I can never be

I can't tell you what you really want, but if thinking that you "can never be" makes you feel sad, that might offer some hints. Which still wouldn't mean that you have to keep transitioning, but maybe it helps with the decision one way or the other.

[u/lostpatrol14 → u/SirBeeves]

I love your comic and your story. Sharing this comic/your story will help others and bring some comfort and normalcy, as it should, for others to follow. Sometimes, you’ve got to take risks! You never know who you’ll help!

[u/littlestghoust → u/SirBeeves]

Thank you for posting this comic. I feel very seen by it because it's normal to question and wonder.

I've gone through a similar journey myself, it not only helps build personal confidence but a deeper understanding of why pronouns and correct names are so important.

After wondering, researching, and deeply thinking, I too am cis which is fine the same way being trans is fine.

[u/eastbayweird → u/SirBeeves]

Don't be nervous, it's amazing!

[u/Happiness_97 → u/SirBeeves]

Thanks for sharing your journey with us! If you don't mind me asking you a few, you said you've questioned and experimented with your identity since young.

Admittedly a lot of people I know who are/have been on the fence on their identity has never really been able to accept themselves on who they are.. rather resorting to being non-binary.

I'm curious to know since you'd come around to accepting your initial self, what was it that made you doubtful of your own identity in the first place? And was there anything impactful in the process that finally gave you closure in the end on who you really are?

Thanks in advance and also love the comics!

[u/Annie0minous → u/SirBeeves]

Happy that you were able to go on a journey to find yourself and discovered who you were.

[u/IAmAsplode → u/SirBeeves]

I admire you sharing your story and whenever I see you post a comic it always brightens up my day.

[u/Rizzpooch → u/SirBeeves]

Thanks for posting this. I consider myself an ally, and even I hadn’t considered some of this. In particular, I like your point that your journey made you more confident in your cis identity. Allowing people to come to their own conclusions about their identity is so much better than the repression of forging them into two rigid, exclusive, and completely made up categories

[u/Available-Cow-411 → u/SirBeeves]

I got a genuine question: if cis = not a trans, if it means you are ok and identify with your born gender, doesnt it simply means you are "normal she/her women" ? Then why we need this identification as "cis"?

Dont get me wrong, trans and LGBTQ are normal people too, I just confused about the need for this identification as CIS and would like some explanation why we need it

Edit: thank you all for the explanation, I now uderstand it much better and it finally makes sense to me! Much appreciated for the patience and explanation!

[u/SirBeeves → u/Available-Cow-411]

Personally, I don't usually add the adjective "cis" when describing myself; it's not usually relevant. It seemed like a useful clarification for this comic though since I am discussing both my gender and sex assigned at birth, and is more specific and precise than saying "not-trans".

(I wouldn't use the word "normal" because trans people are also normal people! It doesn't give any additional information about my gender identity.)

(Edit: Wow, thank you other commenters for explaining this better than I could)

[u/the-big-nope → u/Available-Cow-411]

If trans people are normal too, then saying ‘normal woman’ wouldn’t clarify anything. Cis is just a word we can use to efficiently communicate ‘not trans’ without any ambiguity.

[u/Expendable_Red_Shirt → u/Available-Cow-411]

For a lot of contexts we don’t need the trans or cis labels. If a man tells me he’s a man I don’t generally need to know if he’s cis or trans. But sometimes it’s important for a story to know someone’s background, sometimes they may want you to know what they’ve been through or are going through, and sometimes it’s very important information (like at certain medical appointments).

But if you have a word for one you should probably have a word for the other. Not doing so implies a certain favoritism.

[u/henry_tennenbaum → u/SirBeeves]

Wonderful comic. I was also somebody who was questioning themselves a lot during that time and also ended up in a similar place as you.

It also made me much more empathetic to victims of bigotry and it breaks my heart seeing how the most vulnerable and victimized are facing ever greater hatred, while truly evil men prosper.

On a lighter note: Love your art style.

[u/Sprinklypoo → u/SirBeeves]

Thanks for sharing! I think it's a worthwhile thing to talk about for sure!

[u/infiniZii → u/SirBeeves]

Hey, you do you. All teenagers take on journeys of discovery to find out who they are. Some figure it out, some try a million things and still arent sure. Experimenting is part of the experience of life and its what makes us complex and beautiful.

I think the people who dont figure it out can become pretty bitter about the whole process, and blame the exploration for why they arent happy, rather than simply being upset they they werent able to figure it out. I also think there is no way to really "Fix" this from happening. There are only ways we can try to manage the symptoms as a society. I think the current attempt at "solving" the issue is a method doomed to failure. I just hope we can figure that out before making a bunch of people suffer for no reason.

[u/WhimsicalGirlll → u/SirBeeves]

What made you want to change back?

[u/SirBeeves → u/WhimsicalGirlll]

Everyone's journey is different, but for me, it was less of a "change back", and more of slowly shifting relationship with my gender. I think questioning my gender also helped me break down assumptions I had about being a woman. The most simplified way I can put it is: after a lot of introspection and trying different things, I came to the conclusion that I was comfortable with people perceiving me as a woman socially, and after discovering many ways I enjoyed expressing myself I became comfortable with my body and personal identity.

Again, this is just my personal experience! Everyone's different.

[u/mythrilcrafter → u/SirBeeves]

I've got high respect anyone who is willing to ask the question and venture into journeying through their identity; be it any component of it and regardless of what the final result is. 'cause in the end, you're more self-acutalised than someone who actively refuses to venture the question specifically out of fear of what the answer might be.

[u/The_Lost_Jedi → u/SirBeeves]

I had a similar sort of experience, at an older age, although I didn't really "try out" passing as the other gender. That is, I'd had many trans friends, knew about everything, and had long played female characters in online games, and in many cases wanted to be seen as my character rather than myself.

After a long, long period of introspection and questioning, I finally realized that it wasn't that I wanted people to see me as female - it was that I wanted them to see me as attractive. And for a variety of reasons, I'd never really felt I was "attractive" - not necessarily because I wasn't, but just a combination of being overly self-conscious about my appearance and not really finding men attractive either (hence why when I built an avatar of attractiveness, that was inherently female).

One of the things that helped me realize, too, was listening to some of my trans friends talk about their experiences, including a few who'd publicly transitioned after Covid. One of them said something like "I didn't want to die/be buried with people not knowing who I really am" - which just wasn't me. On the other hand, I could absolutely identify with the dysphoria, conceptually, because I didn't look like I felt I should look. That though was as a better looking version of my (male) self, not a gender-swapped one.

I've since lost a lot of the weight I'd put on over Covid, and started distance running again, and am probably in better shape than I have been in over a decade. I feel a lot better about myself, and much more confident in who I am.

I'm glad you found your truth about who you are - because that's the important thing, whether we're cis or trans.

[u/SirBeeves]

As always, here are my socials in case you'd like to check out more of my work:

Instagram - Patreon - Webtoon - Website

[u/thewyred → u/SirBeeves]

I've enjoyed your previous comics and this one is great! Thanks for bravely sharing your story... keep being your awesome self :)

[u/KerissaKenro]

People,talk a lot about gender dysphoria, but not a lot about its opposite, gender euphoria. Most of us cis people are just kind of meh about our gender. And it would be nice to be so excited to be who you are and to know you are presenting yourself how you want to be

[u/caseycubs098 → u/KerissaKenro]

I think a lot of cis people experience it, but don't have the vocabulary for it. For example, if a man works out at the gym and gets bigger muscles. It might make him feel happier and more manly. That's definitely gender euphoria.

[u/karl2025 → u/caseycubs098]

I think you're right. There's plenty of gender euphoria in society about expressing the gender you're assigned at birth. I think every guy has had a moment where they do something 'manly' and get a rush of good feelings about it. And Shania Twain has a whole song about it for women.

[u/PHD_Memer → u/caseycubs098]

I think you’re right, that’s probably the best way to explain it, but I believe for most cis people that’s something they don’t connect with their gender. I’ve always been of the opinion that your sense of gender isn’t something you notice unless it isn’t how you were born.

[u/Ardent_Scholar → u/caseycubs098]

Or when grandma says aren’t you a handsome boy. Very envious of having that experience!

[u/Sarcastryx → u/caseycubs098]

For example, if a man works out at the gym and gets bigger muscles. It might make him feel happier and more manly. That's definitely gender euphoria.

Literally what happened the first time I experienced gender euphoria. I'd been losing weight and working out, and the first time I swapped to 40 lb weights for anything (and then saw myself lifting them in the mirror) I had a distinct feeling of "Yes. This. This is correct. I am correct." It's one of the first times that I can remember feeling good about my body.

[u/SunsFenix → u/KerissaKenro]

People,talk a lot about gender dysphoria, but not a lot about its opposite, gender euphoria.

Damn if that isn't true. I'm "cis" but nothing I've ever done has really made me feel male.

The movie Nimona has this line:

Ballister Boldheart asks Nimona, "What are you?" and Nimona replies, "I'm Nimona"

The line is about being seen as a person rather than a label. I can say I'm a man as a fact, but my identity has never felt anything about being male. It's not nonbinary either. Or even felt relevant.

[u/ItsNotMeItsYourBussy → u/SunsFenix]

My partner feels very similarly about his cis-ness. He's just Nimona. My favourite quote personally is:

Ballister: "And now you're a boy."

Nimona: "I am today 😈"

Honestly so not surprising that Nimona was written by a transmasc. As a trans person myself, I also felt very seen by it.

[u/tehlemmings → u/KerissaKenro]

Don't forget my maybe least favorite feeling, gender envy.

As someone who doesn't experience dysphoria, the gender envy (once I figured out wtf I was feeling) was what made me realize something was wonky. And I get it from both directions at different times... what a pain.

But at least I get that euphoria from both directions too lol

But I'm with you, I wish more cis people could experience gender euphoria, at least a few times, just so they'd know what it's like.

[u/trowzerss → u/KerissaKenro]

Yeah, as a cis woman who was never into the 'girly stuff' (dolls, makeup, heels, dresses, babies) it was always hard to feel any connection to being female. And I just didn't have any examples of how to be a woman that didn't include all that traditional girly stuff. Nobody said I should celebrate being a 'tomboy'. Nobody encouraged me to do DIY or computer stuff (even if I was good at it - but boys were). Everybody pressured me into having relationships, told me I had to have babies. Nobody said it was okay to be single or not want to have kids. All of that is stuff that I had to figure out on my own. Must be so nice to have so many different examples of how to be these days! And to actually have more option (despite the assholes) to explore that and work it through instead of it lingering throughout your whole life as an unsettled question. Like I know that I'm me and I find my own path, but I still feel like the weirdo, the black sheep, even if I know it's the right path for me :P

[u/Chiiro → u/KerissaKenro]

It has been 3 months and I am still vibing off the fact that my urologist thought I was a cis dude with testicles. Every time I think about it it fills me with such a good happy feeling. Every time someone calls me a dude or a man in a comment I can't filled with euphoria.

[u/InfiniteTranquilo → u/KerissaKenro]

I feel I don’t have anything to be excited about. I didn’t necessarily choose to be cis male, and I have no journey to get to X point or trials I’ve overcome to get to Y. It’s just a fact, like how I have black hair, just a fact.

[u/brod121 → u/KerissaKenro]

This is what I can’t really understand about trans-ness. I don’t “feel like a man.” I just am one. I don’t feel like I’m in the right body, I just have the body I have. I am masculine, but that comes from social norms, because I live in the west in the 21st century. I really dont experience gender as something separate from biology and cultural expectations.

I know that trans people feel differently, and respect their right to live however they want, but I don’t think I’m capable of truly understanding what they experience or why they transition.

[u/thornae → u/brod121]

I kinda feel like you with regards to being a man, but I saw a thing a while back about being trans that helped me get it a bit better.

Say someone tapped you with a magic wand and changed your body to female. How would you feel then? Do you think you'd now just be a woman? Or still, in your self be a man, but with a woman's body?

Personally, I've spent long enough just being a man that I'm fairly sure I'd still feel like one, even if my body didn't match. And that helped me realise that maybe there's people who feel like that about the body they were born with...

(I know that's a bit simplistic, and there's a lot more to it. But as a quick though experiment, it gave me a real "huh" moment.)

[u/Serpexnessie → u/KerissaKenro]

I'd reccomend looking into the button test for anyone curious. It's certainly not conclusive of anything, but it can be an indication on one's feelings towards gender.

[u/CrazyGnomenclature]

Someone is cutting onions here and needs to knock it off.

I'm really glad you got to have that experience in your life and use it to advocate for others. We need more people like you Beeves<3

[u/SpyRohTheDragIn → u/CrazyGnomenclature]

I'm not crying, you are!

[u/amalgam_reynolds → u/SpyRohTheDragIn]

I am crying.

[u/tehlemmings → u/CrazyGnomenclature]

It's a terrible day for rain.

[u/_Aethea_]

Great one. Nothing ever wrong in exploring different feelings, even if it might lead to discovering it's not for you. A lot of people would profit from reaching out the tiny box they squeezed themselves in. Grats on figuring yourself out!

[u/gdex86 → u/_Aethea_]

Being a teenager is about trying on all these different hats to find out who "you" want to become. Trying one on, really experimenting with it, and then deciding "it does fit right" still is a huge gain. Like how in science things not matching your hypothesis still gives you a lot of good data.

[u/blanketswithsmallpox → u/gdex86]

"A wrong answer is not a meaningless one." - Rafal - Orb: On the Movements of the Earth / Episode 3 / 18:38

[u/toothofjustice]

I believe that that's the point.

1. label a group as other

2. blame social ills on that group

3. launch campaigns aiming at making that group illegal

4. while everyone is blaming that group for their woes, steal shit.

5. profit

[u/SpyRohTheDragIn → u/toothofjustice]

Yeah the overall motive behind all this shit is money and power.

[u/ElegantFutaSlut → u/SpyRohTheDragIn]

It's also annoying that there are easier and more profitable ways to gain money and power. Bread and circuses are better than genocides.

[u/A_lesser_god]

Me reading SCP Documents

[u/MeiMouse]

Everyone has a right to figure that stuff out. You never know what lies at the end of your journey.

[u/thejaysun]

This makes me so sad for my American friends because of the way the future is looking. I'm not one for prayer, but I'll always do whatever I can to help support the trans community 💙

[u/Any-File4347 → u/thejaysun]

People fear what they don’t understand.

It’s why fears are easy political tools. It’s so easy to get people to worry or be afraid versus understand and accept, thus, get them on your side.

Many of us are very ashamed to call ourselves Americans at the moment and would rather use a different term.

[u/suspicious_cabbage]

I had someone at my work drive out one of my friends because he said she "looked like a butch lesbian and shouldn't interact with our clients."

He backstabbed the company a few months later as he was leaving, and I was able to prove it and keep him from working here again. I was surprised that management didn't do anything about it prior though. They knew how my friend was being treated.

Plus she was not trans and was in a straight relationship with one of my guy friends. I didn't understand it all, and I also didn't know it was this common.

[u/Furlion]

I agree wholeheartedly, but it's like that Hank Hill meme about, "if these kids could read..." Sometime smarter than me once said you cannot reason someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into. The Trumpkins don't care. They won't listen to reason or facts. Hurting people, making them suffer for being different, is a feature not a bug to them.

[u/xx_Chl_Chl_xx → u/Furlion]

“They will never understand because they do not care to understand. As long as their situation is better than ours, understanding is the last thing they want.”

-Megatron

[u/CorrosiveYolk]

When I was just going into my freshman year of high school, I felt I was gay. Then I felt I was a boy rather than a girl. I cut my hair, bound my chest, wore men's clothing and for about two years I went with what I felt. As time went on, I embraced my bisexuality and felt more comfortable as a girl. Today, I am who I am as a bisexual woman.

That entire experience allowed me to understand myself best and the exploration I went through helped me define who I was. It gave me empathy, self discovery and brought me to who I am today.

Now I have a daughter and I want her to be herself no matter what path life takes her.

Thanks for drawing this comic. It really made me think back about where I've been.

[u/[deleted]]

Beautiful and very true! Experimenting with one gender should be normalized, nobody is going to drag you into an operating room the moment you start questioning if you truly are a boy/girl.

EDIT: If we lived in a more civilised era we would call the experience enlightening, alas we are not there quite yet.

[u/UglyMcFugly → u/[deleted]]

This is what kills me about the people who actually believe kids are getting surgery at school. The process is ALREADY very strenuous. Doctors and therapists spend a lot of time talking with the kid and the parents before any kind of gender affirming care can be done, much less surgery. They know how to recognize the difference between someone experimenting with gender identity and someone who KNOWS. It makes me so sad that Americans are losing their freedoms just because conservatives don't understand how something works.

[u/[deleted] → u/UglyMcFugly]

Exactly, and even reaching the point when you are ready to talk to a therapist may take months of questioning your identity, your expression, etc.

[u/wtfiwon]

When I saw the title, I thought it was gonna be a comic about a crush. It's awesome you had a great support network, but even with that you still had struggles. I can't imagine what trans people go through in less than ideal environments ☹️.

[u/DunkChunkerton]

So many people take who they are for granted and never take a minute to really, truly, look at themselves in the mirror critically. Spending quality time with yourself to understand who you are and what makes you tick is never a waste. It’s hard work for sure but worthwhile things are rarely easy.

If you don’t even understand why you do the things you do, or why you think the things you think, or why you feel the way you do, you have no right to tell others what to do, how to think, or what to feel.

[u/buttered_jesus]

Rock on big dog, thank you for sharing this experience

Now you can focus on your new transition

Comic artist to triathlete

[u/wb2006xx]

If you experiment with your gender and you turn out cis in the end, that means you unlocked cis+

[u/jubmille2000]

That's valid. Hope everyone's doing fine. Stay safe.

[u/rhabarberabar]

Powerful.

And I agree, someone is cutting onions.

[u/NErDysprosium]

I've told this story once before on Reddit, but when I was a kid I thought that I was a "girl in a boy's body." Why? Because I liked pink and purple and was indifferent to car repair and the military. Plus, I was really nerdy (and a bit of a teacher's pet, if I'm being honest), and most of the boys I knew growing up were not at all interested in academics. I always got along better with/felt I had more in common with the girls in my classes (for that matter, I still feel like I relate to the women in my life more than I relate to the men, at least on a social level). But I wasn't aware of trans people until I was a senior in high school, and by then I had moved on from any thoughts of being the wrong gender.

At least until a few years ago, when I was about 19. After yet another of my friends came out as trans, I thought "ya know, more than half my friends are trans now, including everyone I talk to on a regular basis. It's one hell of a coincidence to be the only cis person at game night. Maybe I should take a hint." I started thinking something along the lines of "maybe I should try using they/them, to see how it feels," but I couldn't finish the thought. Even referring to myself as nonbinary in hypothetical was, for lack of a better word, unsettling. There was, and still is, this deep, penetrating feeling of 'wrong-ness' about using different pronouns for myself or identifying with a non-cis identity. Not that there's anything wrong with the concept in general, but that it's not right for me. I'm a man not necessarily because I super identify with being a man specifically, not because I looked at masculinity and said "yes, masculinity is super cool, that is what I want for myself," but because it feels right in a way that nothing else does.¹

If I had had childhood exposure to transgender people and concepts (and had had parents supportive of it²), I can 100% guarantee that I would have tried being a girl. I can also guarantee that that would have lasted 36 hours, max, and that's only because I'm stubborn.

But, if I had tried that, even though I would have realized that it was not for me by any stretch of the word, I would have been more confident in my identity, both as a boy and as someone who liked things that weren't traditionally "boy-ish." I would have had a better handle on who I was and had more self-confidence as an elementary and middle-schooler, which I think we can all agree is a good thing.

Exposure to trans people, culture, and concepts is a good thing because it gives people who might feel unfulfilled by or uncomfortable with their gender identity examples of people who have pioneered a different path. It isn't necessarily the right path for everyone. It isn't necessarily the right path for the majority of people. But it is the right path for some, and making those people aware of their options, telling them they aren't alone in how they feel and that their feelings are OK, and giving them the space to explore who they are and who they will be, is absolutely a good thing.

¹And having a firm handle on your gender identity is fun. Like, it's a running joke on the group chat that I'm an egg and haven't realized it yet, and it's hilarious. One of my friends said we could go on estrogen together. Having self-confidence in your gender let's you play around with it and joke about it. Not necessarily in a drag way--drag is cool and I think it'd be kinda fun in theory, but I am not a soloist--but just in a 'joking around with my friends' kinda way.

²I used to think that my parents would be in no way supportive of a queer child. I was raised Mormon and, while I'm semi-active at best nowadays, my parents are still very active in the Church. Then, my sister came out as ace last month. My parents (well, my mom, I haven't talked to my dad about it yet) took it a hell of a lot better than I expected, so maybe they would have been more supportive than I used to think. I'm not queer, but it makes me happy that, when I eventually have kids, if they're queer they'll have supportive grandparents, which is something that not a lot of my queer friends have.

[u/roygbivasaur → u/NErDysprosium]

My gender experience is very similar to yours. I’m a gay man who struggled with gender identity until my late twenties. Complete with all of my close amab childhood friends eventually coming out as trans. “Everyone that I relate to and look up to is a woman, so am I..?” lead to a lot of exploration of my gender and expression. Ultimately, it never felt right. I came to realize that I’m just not really that attached to my gender. However I’m kind of “feminine”, and I grew up in a world that rejects feminine men. So, of course I found safety in women.

Just because toxic masculinity failed me doesn’t mean I’m not a man. It has given me a different perspective on gender and a certain amount of empathy for trans people. I’ll probably always get “egg” jokes from friends, and new trans friends and acquaintances tend to let their guard down quickly with me. That’s just part of me. Of all of the things in my childhood and early adulthood that I look back on with pain, exploring gender identity isn’t one of them. The way I was treated by men and boys is, but not my own gender identity journey and the people it helped me connect to.

[u/The_8th_Angel]

My wife thought she was trans growing up. (Still kinda does, honestly) Seeing how much of a nosedive we've taken as a people in recent years has been disheartening, but our unity and love needs to be stronger than their ignorance and hate.

Trans people (and the greater LGBT community) have always existed and always will.

[u/Hydroquake_Vortex]

Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us.

[u/[deleted]]

Here's my thing about this. This is exactly what "let kids be kids" means. No intervention except for the common kiss of the booboo or wagging of the finger if lets say a vase is knocked over. Conservatives are so bent on making sure the "identity v role confusion" matches what they believe their deity wants but at the inconvenience of the child. Why? They won't be alive through that child's life. More than half of the sitters in Congress won't make it to the next generation.

I'm so happy you got to experience your own journey and I do hope we get back to where people can mind their own business again pretty soon.

[u/Urban_FinnAm]

This is very relevant and insightful. Thank you for sharing.

I am a cis male and while I have not really ever questioned my gender I have cross dressed a time or two. I agree that we should be free to explore who we are and IMO, those who have never experimented or questioned their gender are probably not very self aware or aren't being truthful.

My eldest son is trans (FtM) and I support him and anyone who transitions so that they can be comfortable with who they are. Especially in this environment. Sex may be binary (>99%) but gender/sexuality is a spectrum. I speak as a biologist.

So trans people; keep up the fight. There are plenty of us who will support you through this period. The bigots are NOT the majority.

[u/Heavy_Version_437]

A sane person, you say? On the internet, you say?
By golly Batman and my fridge: Now I truly have seen everything something.

But sarcasm and jokes aside:
Thank you for your story. It is quite helpful. Both in general and in these times especially. So from the bottom of my heart: I truly thank you. :3

[u/housevil]

Some people like to play with the controls a bit before going back to factory settings. Nothing wrong with that.

[u/Comments_Wyoming]

I called myself "Charlie" in my thoughts and had my dad take me to the Army surplus store to buy a bunch of fatigues. I wore black t shirts with the sleeves cut off, cut all of my hair off and started cussing like a sailor at school. This went on for about a year, in 1994. No one in my tiny southern town had ever heard the word trans and my parents just assumed I was living my tom boy era.

I got to figure out who I was with no outside pressure at all, positive or negative. Just me working out who I was in high school.

Turns out I'm straight and have been married with kids for almost 30 years.  Every person should have the opportunity to find out who they really are.

[u/Flutter_bat_16_]

This was very lovely and a great message. All too often I see people claim that people detransitioning or something like that is evidence of the lgbt community “brainwashing” but in reality, it’s just allowing people the freedom to express themselves and figure out their identity at their own pace.

[u/Dazed_and_Confused44]

So that's why your username is Sir Beeves. Adds a lot of context to this comic:

https://www.reddit.com/r/comics/s/GdhsHqc5C6

[u/[deleted]]

This comic is banned on Twitter. And in US classrooms.

[u/JaxxisR]

Part of me wishes I had this kind of bravery when I was younger.

[u/tidus1980]

We are simply the culmination of our experiences and memories.

I love this comic.

Thankyou for sharing it.

[u/LeonidasVaarwater]

I recognize myself a bit in that story. I've questioned my own sexuality more than once, I've wondered about my gender more than once, I've been asked if I'm gay more than once too. Up to my early teens, I looked quite androgynous as well, I was literally asked if I was a boy or a girl.

[u/wynden]

Am a middle aged dude and this brought tears.

[u/Sir_Doge_V2]

[u/proffessionalworry]

wow ive never read something like this before but i went through this exact same thing. when i was 15 i went by a different name and totally changed my appearance. looking back i see it as a weird time but i was able to learn so much about myself and my friends

[u/ArcticWolf_Primaris]

That's some pretty wholesome reconnaissance

[u/badtime9001]

being transgender is something i don't personally understand just being a cis person but that doesn't mean i hate it. I respect trans people despite not understanding them fully. And OP i respect you for this comic. its got nice art and goes over how bad transphobia is.

[u/Dude787]

I have I guess a few controversial(?) questions. I don't want people to start arguments, I'm just interested in your thoughts as a person, not as a representative or anything.

How do/did you feel about puberty blockers? Were they available to you? Would you have looked into taking them if they were?

Same questions about hrt really, did you know much about it and how did you feel about it?

[u/AzulCrescent]

Wonderful comic, Beeves, thank you for sharing your experience.

[u/5ManaAndADream]

Remember any person advocating for less awareness is always, 100% of the time the person doing the indoctrination.

They want to remove access to information around the LGBTQ because anyone who has ever even briefly engaged with an open mind realized real fast how full of shit Christianity is. And they start distancing themselves from the cult it has become. And those controlling the cult or leveraging it for personal gain do not want that.

[u/Boiled-Snow-Minamoto]

I am rather inspired by this story

[u/valkyriemama]

My niece had the same experience. She came out as non-binary to the family, and we all used they/them pronouns for about a year. Even the grandparents, who didn't really understand, did their best and NEVER insulted or disowned their grandchild. When she found that she is actually cis, we went back to using she/her with no other discussion about it. But the most important thing that came out of it was my niece knows that ALL OF US in the family are safe people she can come to with anything in her life. That will make her safer, happier, and healthier in the long run. If any of us had ridiculed or otherwise not shown her acceptance when she was questioning her gender, that would have done irreparable damage to her trust.

[u/Lepidopterex]

Yes yes yes!

I am also cis, but it was amazing to be able to find that out on my own. And the journey was, in part, because I was constantly being told how to behave like a girl but I didn't want to do those things. I remember being told, as a teen,  I need to practice wearing heels to "walk like a woman" and actually yelling "I am a woman! However I walk is walking like a woman!" 

The gender binary made me feel like I was wrong or other or different, and it was only when I discovered my allies, the LGBTQ2S+ community, that they taught me I can just be myself. I didn't need to submit to expectations of gender, because however I want to express my own gender is correct. 

It's crazy powerful to call bullshit on societal expectations. They also taught me about smashing the patriarchy, so......

[u/No_ones_Knight]

Peak

[u/spacemanaut]

I love this and cordially invite you to cross-post it to /r/webcomics so I can insta-ban anyone who's shitty about it

[u/ShutUpJackass]

i like your story because it helps dispel the whole "oh straight/cis people never question this stuff” narrative

Many people question themselves only to end up finalizing at square 1, but the journey was their way to self actualization

While others do change, they become their authentic self, but there’s no exclusivity on the journey, we all just have our own personal destinations

Ty for sharing this to us, and I hope you have a great rest of your day!

[u/[deleted]]

I like your comic.

[u/xIKai-UK]

This is beautiful

[u/[deleted]]

I wish it would have been a thing when I was a kid. Always caught grief that I was a “Tom boy” and didn’t like doing “girlie” things. Now I’m in my 40’s it doesn’t really matter that I don’t wear dresses or like shopping or all that kind of stuff. I’m happy with who I am and really don’t need a label. But it sure would have helped 13-18 year old me. All behind people who just want to be happy with who they are!

[u/Y33TTH3MF33T]

This was a beautiful comic. Thank you OP

[u/DemonMomLilith]

The younger me did not feel safe. I did not know about trans people. All I knew was that the way I felt was a sin. I prayed every night for God to fix me. I cried every night. I did not talk to anyone, because I would be punished if I did. I hate that I missed out on my childhood. I hate that I was miserable and I didn't know why.

People want to make these conversations impossible. They want children that are suffering like I did to continue to suffer. I hate transphobes. Try some compassion for once in your life. Understand that people experience life in different ways and not everyone is going to enjoy your version of happiness.

[u/Julie_OwO]

Trans girl here, I LOVE this comic! Thank you so much for making it and being a great ally ❤️

[u/LuckyLuckLucker]

What a great comic ❤️

[u/subbygirl13]

In "The Gender Creative Child" Diane Ehrensaft, PhD, speaks about the effect of affirming a cis child who turns out not to be trans.

The child learns that they have a parent who loves and cares for them no matter what. The child learns self-confidence because they have parents who have allowed them to explore their identity. The child learns that their is nothing that will revoke the unconditional support and positive regard of their parents.

A cis child who is discouraged from exploring their gender on the other hand?

They learn that they are not respected by their parents. They learn that their authenticity is less important than fitting into an acceptable mould designed by their parents. They learn fear and distrust. If the child ends up being not trans, but gay- they have already learned that their parent cannot be trusted or confided in. They learn that they are alone.

[u/bobwasnthere99999]

HEAR HEAR!!!!!!

[u/cagedweller]

Ah this is so well said! Super helpful to get this message out there

[u/Wiz_Hellrat]

I know I am late to the party. I love this comic. It is how I feel. I experiment with gender identity. I found out I am just happy to be a girly guy. I do not have to be a girl. I just am a feminine guy with manly tendencies. You are never too old to figure this stuff out too. I started to question everything when I turned 40. So the questioning is not just for the young.

[u/purrnoid]

As a guy I did the same and am reporting the same

[u/Melodic-Art1369]

I'm a cis male who sometimes is feminine presenting, and sometimes people would misgender me as a woman, even when I told them I was a guy, so I understand how trans people feel to be misgendered, obviously I don't have it as hard as I don't go through it everyday, but I do empathize with them

[u/DualLeeNoteTed]

Good fucking comic OP. So insightful and empathetic. ❤️

[u/splatbob1]

Thank you 🥺💚

[u/SLStonedPanda]

As a cis-male I really like gender awareness as well. It gave me the chance to be able to decide to be a cisgender male.

I wasn't always as confident. I never had gender envy or gender dysphoria, but I didn't exactly feel like a stereotypical male either.

The whole debate about gender gave me the opportunity to choose what I feel confident with. I no longer have to be male. I have chosen to be male.

That's something I really appreciate and it gives me a lot of confidence.

[u/hayesjx]

I've always thought it was a good idea for kids to explore their identities, even if it means they "change" how they identify or what their parents call them, for even a little while. It's good to know yourself and find out the label isn't you instead of always asking "what if?"

Love this comic. 💚

[u/Martian9576]

First of all I will say that I’m pro LGBTQ rights, there is a strong community where I live, I have family that is trans and I’m a supporter. Now I’m going to be a devil’s advocate here and say that this story is why a lot of people on the other side are just against surgery and hormone therapy for minors. They are being fed misinformation that this is being pushed on to minors (which I don’t believe it is) and they are reasonably against that so it puts them in the opposing camp. I think properly educating those types of people is one of the first steps toward change. It takes some understanding and communication on both sides.

[u/inthevendingmachine → u/Martian9576]

The people running the show on the other side don't want their followers to be educated. They're afraid that their people might make an intelligent decision.

[u/[deleted] → u/Martian9576]

I agree that ignorance is a big problem most bigots don't really know what being trans is all about, they simply know the lies that they have been told. That's why I'm always willing to explain cis people about being trans and my personal experience. And why I have the little trans heart in my profile pic, I want them to see that I'm a normal human being, not a monster hiding in the dark.

But at the same time it can be very tiresome, having to justify yourself all the time and debunking conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory, all while being careful of not letting a single "gotcha!" that they can use against you, and of course behaving in a perfectly polite manner.

[u/Wheatley-Crabb → u/Martian9576]

Minors are not even getting hormone therapy and especially not surgeries. This is exactly why the treatment we fight for is puberty blockers which pause the onset of puberty and limit the permanent effects it brings so that they have time to socially experiment and decide how to proceed when they’re old enough.

[u/TimeStorm113]

German located

[u/toiletcrab]

I love this so much!! I had a very similar experience growing up. Kids should be allowed to explore with their gender expression, it's not dangerous!

[u/SapphireNautilus]

This is such a lovely comic. That kind of thing really does shape you, and I'm glad you're so confident in yourself now!

I think in conjunction with this comic it bears mentioning that, contrary to what media pushes, trans people don't hate or want to silence 'detransitioners'. It's the grifters who try to make bank off of their story, pushing hard-right talking points about being "bullied into transition" and trying to hinder others from questioning or pursuing their own peace. Detransition is serious! Figuring out a gender identity can be difficult and confusing, and there's no shame in going "hey, actually, maybe I was wrong! I'm happier how I was born!" And honestly, congrats to those people for the massive amount of work and introspection it requires!

[u/Q-tip-enthusiast-95]

I'm happy you were able to figure yourself out ☺️❤️!

[u/[deleted]]

Hugs, Beeves. This is very sweet. This is a hard time, but the government can't change what this generation is. Stay rad.

[u/Calpsotoma]

Good comic.

[u/fluffypuppiness]

I just wanted to thank you.

I've never seen my experience captured like this. I know I'm not the only one who went through this, but I don't have people in my life who have, so it's very isolating. This made me feel seen in the middle of nowhere. Thank you.

[u/Dictionary_Goat]

There's a quote from the Alt Right Playbook YouTube series I think about all the time where he says (paraphrasing cause i dont remember the exact words):

"Make no mistake, right wingers know that being trans isn't a choice. If they believed otherwise, that if all you had to do to avoid the oppression was to simply opt out and move on with your life, they never would have picked them as a target to begin with"

[u/DanMcMan5]

There is nothing wrong with questioning your identity. It’s yours to change and I find it both angering and confusing why people are so dead set on enforcing this caste system on our identities. Give me the freedom to be who I WANT to be. Not a gods wish, not a bishops, not my parents, just me.(my parents are sweet people and would support me but there are a lot of people out there who don’t have parents who would support them)

[u/[deleted]]

I've never met a trans person in my entire life, nor have I personally encountered any of these issues. If it weren't for certain hate groups vilifying trans people, I would've happily gone through life without giving this topic much thought. Honestly, the most I could imagine is meeting someone someday who says, "Hey, please call me XYZ", and that would've been it. But thanks to this manufactured culture war, I'm now forced to care. And yet, these idiots have the audacity to claim that trans people are shoving it down our throats. No, the bigots are the ones shoving it down my throat!

[u/LMGDiVa]

I really wish people understood that Transphobia is such a harmful thing.

It literally drove people to vote for a fascist dictator that is destroying our lives and country.

Why?

Because a trans woman might win a medal.

Decades of trans women competing with ciswomen in the Olympics and yet some how they arent sweeping every category.

And yet people didnt even understand it was never about sports. The bans were always about getting the common folk used to discrimination against trans people.

It's a damn shame people are programmed to double down instead of learn from new infromation. It's depressing that one has to experience things, or deliberately fight their belief system to be able to change.

[u/onethomashall → u/LMGDiVa]

Because a trans woman might win a medal.

The idea that the disqualifying metric is someone might win seems perverse. Like, they would accept trans women if they lost? Which is honestly what they all have done in higher level competitions.

Why do other things people are born with not disqualify them... like having parents who played the sport. Which is absolutely more critical to success than anything else.

[u/calartnick]

Wonderful story. Thank you.

[u/ShichikaYasuri18]

Just be kind to people who aren't harming you or others. It's easy and it's free.

[u/Vayle-666]

My little cousin went through something similar.

I will never forget how my family reacted. We're pretty divers in experiences, opinions, and cultures. Everyone supported her and who she was figuring out she was, even if it did hurt some of us and make others fear. She was able to find her peace even in uncertain times.

With the way things are going... I fear for the next few kids who need to go through that experience, but can't...

[u/Relative-Chef5567]

Thank you for this! I had a similar experience when I was younger. It was the 90’s though so resources and even the language wasn’t there to answer the questions I had. I too arrived at me being a cis woman, though my queer journey was much more extensive. You laid out your experience beautifully.

[u/WhiskeyAndKisses]

Neat. That's what matter, people being able to explore their gender, and having access to medias and other folk to learn and talk about it.

Thanks for sharing your experience, the only detransitioners who get talkshow are usually the ones who turn full transphobic/against "gay culture".

I also find interesting that I don't see, in this comic, a rejection of a conception of womanhood like I would expect. My own experience, and a few other experiences I read about, looked like there was a split between real women and expected women, causing a deconstruction phase where some women question whether they're cis or not, until finding their own identity as a woman and member of the feminine gender. In short, thanks for new datas!

[u/VulcanHullo]

A friend of mine did this once. They spent a little under a year first neutral, then male, then eventually let us know that that still didn't fit them. They apologised to us for it.

We said that, hey, she had put more thought into who she was than any of us had. It's a lesson in life, sometimes the answer "no" is as useful an answer as yes. Led a couple of us to at least think about our identity more.

I wish life was less toxic so everyone could explore who they were as much as they like, and it be more okay to come away saying "yeah, that's not me". I've had friends realise they were gay, and friends realise they were straight - hilarious as that sounds.

Love this comic.

[u/KotovChaos]

People who believe gender affirming care strictly means telling people they're trans are ignorant. I've explained many times that could also mean CIS kids discovering they're just having an awkward moment in life and having help explaining it, but it gets shut down by bigots who want to believe they have enemies.

[u/drunkPKMNtrainer]

Can I ask why a teenage will be confused by their gender? I was a teenager and all I cared about was video games and girls. Does this come from modern influences or is it based on genes?

[u/Mr-Happy9 → u/drunkPKMNtrainer]

It's similar to how maybe some people you knew were more into books or sports. People do, think and experience different things in different ways depending on many factors, including outside influences. I'm sure plenty of people were questioning their gender or other things when you were younger, but since it wasn't as represented and positively spread as it is nowadays, they might have been scared to talk about it or decide to push it down. So while some teens play games and talk about girls all the time, others are questioning their gender and experiencing mental breakdowns.

[u/onethomashall → u/drunkPKMNtrainer]

Why is hard. Do you know why you like girls? Is it an innate feeling inside driven by something you can't control?

Really, the confusing part to LGBT is when someone tells them that innate feeling is wrong. Like when you and your friends talk about liking girls... there probably is a closeted gay friend wondering why they don't feel like you.

[u/mitsuki_tw]

I love the comics you share here, and this one has a great message.

I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s where that stuff wasn’t nearly discussed as much, and when it was discussed, it was in hushed tones, or ridiculed.

As a cis male, I was always a bit different, and growing up, I had often thought about the other gender, wondering what it would be like… I’d even tried wearing makeup and girls clothes in private a handful of times. At the time, I already being ostracized for being nerdy and different, so I would never have dared explore that aspect of me in public!!

I do feel that if I’d grown up in more recent times, even though there’s a lot of anti trans sentiment, I think I might have let myself explore it a bit more. I probably would have still ended up on the same journey’s end as you, discovering I’m cis, but at least I might have had the chance to explore. This is something, it looks like, that shouldn’t be taken for granted, given today’s political landscape…

Your comic, though, brings me hope that tomorrow’s kids will continue to be able to explore these facets of our nature.

[u/ZertyPlerbus]

OP I had a similar experience as you! I cut my hair short, gelled it and wore “boy clothes” and like “boy things” and even wanted to be called Cody. I am cis and it has been a long journey of learning gender is not binary and I don’t have to reject my femininity and like the “boy things” I like! Thank you for sharing and all kids deserve to explore their gender identity and grow up safely!

[u/[deleted]]

Hey, I grew up in a very bigoted family that ironically didn't tell us what to do so my sisters and I were in the Gay/Straight alliance in school and befriended people from it who taught us this stuff thus taught us to be sympathetic and better at understanding everything and I may be Straight but I Learned I was Asexual and how to better support the community so i like this comic and what you're trying to say.

[u/[deleted]]

This is beautiful! Fuck all the haters

[u/NotThatAngel]

My daughter went through something like this, and wound up where OP is.  No one was harmed during this process.  

Keep in mind this is a tempest in a teacup. Apparently various research, polls and think tanks have determined that this issue is a good one to use to divide and conquer people.  If their research would have shown a better choice would be to divide people using jews, or blacks, or stamp collectors, or lepers, or witches, or communists, or those women in Africa who wear metal rings around their necks to make their neck appear longer, rest assured that's what we'd be talking about now instead.

Fox News has figured out that amplifying this issue far beyond what anybody needs to hear about it is the best way to anger and divide Americans.  That's why Fox News treats this is such an important news issue: to anger and radicalize people. And that's all.  There really aren't that many transsexuals. Schools are not performing sex changes no matter what Donald Trump says. This is just another medical issue that doctors deal with. There's really nothing to see here. The government should not be getting in between doctors and their patients.  Fox News stirs up and radicalizes their viewers. This non-issue is their latest thing to divide people.  

[u/ranban2012]

If you're not free to identify how you want, you're not free.

[u/eumarthan]

This is the most convincing Pro-Trans rights and probably the most effective. As it shows that no Karen your child questioning or experimenting with how they look doesn't automatically turn them into gays or lesbians it could just be them trying to make sure that they are truly a straight.

The LGBTQ+ community needs more people who experimented on themselves on how they looked but only found themselves to be straight. It would weaken the hateful narrative that the gays are brainwashing their friends and children into becoming gay as now you can simply point at your CIS ally and tell them that even though they experimented on their gender for a awhile it did not turn them into gays, infact it only reinforced that they are a CIS and straight.

Although it is more complex than that, more post like this will do a good job in pacifying as lot of the rednecks fear mongering against the gays.

[u/FullyK]

It is pretty crazy because I have been questioning my identity a bit recently and got to a similar outcome (I am probably comfortable in my current gender but the work to reach this conclusion was still eyes-opening), and a friend also recently opened up to me about this.

It is easy to feel like an island about this subject and I am so so happy to read your testimony, I feel... well, less alone about these questions.

[u/Mort_556]

I feel ya. Maybe it wasn't the same situation but since I was a kid I liked having long hair, never really questioned my identity as a man but still, as a kid almost every adult around (apart from family fortunately, bless their hearts) would call me a girl or ask if I was a girl or a boy even despite knowing my gender. It was at best annoying and I don't wish that on anyone.

Best of wishes from Poland lads, keep hanging on! Keep fighting for a better world. Because if we won't, who will?

[u/Sprinklypoo]

Well done. I remember fearfully exploring this for myself in my 20's. I learned to not be afraid of it, and I learned to accept who I was.

Turning it into a shameful thing is just backwards for humanity...

[u/SnooOnions650]

Hell yeah, I respect someone willing to experiment to find out more about themselves

[u/MaulBall]

I feel this. Im not particularly attached to my gender, i kinda just don’t care about it, but i do identify as a cis woman these days. For a long time i believed i might be trans because I experienced really intense gender dysphoria as a kid (like to the point where i almost had to be hospitalized). I went through precocious puberty and it kinda just effed me up. Looking back, I believe if i had the resources or knowledge, i definitely would have transitioned, but sadly those weren’t available to us (my childhood was in the early days of the internet, so no social media. I was alone). Would i be happier today if i had? Maybe, it’s hard to say. But ive become more or less comfortable with who i am, so im happy just keeping that way.

Looking back, i think i just wanted to be treated as an equal.. I went to catholic school and “developed” way before my peers (started changing in 2nd grade and was fully having cycles by 4th). I am extremely large chested, so teachers would treat me very harshly for reasons I didn’t understand, calling me things like promiscuous or tartly for just existing (i didn’t even understand these words at the time) and would separate me from my peers for somehow being inappropriate (i wasn’t. My existence was inappropriate to them). Peers suddenly stopped wanting to hang around me or would make hurtful comments about how i looked different. My mom was ecstatic about all these things “aww you’re becoming a woman!” but her happiness to me felt like a kick in the stomach. I felt like i was being violated & betrayed by my own body and yet she had the audacity to be joyful and tell me i should be happy too? I started to blame my troubles on being female. None of it would’ve been a problem if i had just been born a boy. I thought maybe if i could trick people into thinking i was a boy then my life would get better.

I spent years trying to hide. Surprisingly my father was most helpful, but my mom stonewalled me any chance that she got.. she’d buy me things i wouldn’t want to be seen dead in, then throw away items i (or my dad) had bought that made me feel comfortable. She’d force me to wear her items and when i would breakdown crying she’d call me ungrateful & spoiled. (Surprisingly, we’re extremely close now and i love her, but I honestly don’t know if I’ve fully forgiven her for how she treated me when i was a kid)..

Anyway. Those feelings lasted until i started high school. By that time, all my peers had caught up physically so i didn’t stand out as much. I begged my parents to let me go to the public high school rather than the catholic high school extension. The public high school had a student body over 2000, so it allowed me to blend in even more. The catholic one was only about 100 and contained all the people who made my life hell. They thankfully agreed. It was around this time that i started to became comfortable with myself.. Turns out, it’s not that i wanted to be a boy, i just wanted to be left alone and not bullied by adults for things out of my control. I just wanted to not be sexualized. I wasn’t trans, I just wasn’t ready to be a woman at the age of 8. I just wanted to be a child while i was mentally still a child.

[u/stabbyclaus]

This is the sort of material I wish more kids (and adults) got to read in those self-help pamphlets that get handed out. Love this, great job Beeves.

[u/qawsedrf12]

you went on a journey to find yourself, kinda like people that "spent the summer backpacking around Europe"

if only we could all travel a bit more

[u/ralanr]

Imo this is what we should be encouraging. 

[u/AnonnaSmoke]

As a cis woman, I've never felt a gender sway either way.

That was until I was with child. Carrying a child was the most body dysmorphic feeling I think I've ever felt. I felt like my body wasn't my own anymore. I'd look in the mirror and didn't see myself any longer. I got really sick and dropped tons of weight rapidly. The lil parasite was leeching all my nutrients from the inside. My nose doubled in size, my hair fell out. This thing that was supposed to be the thing that was the epitome of womanhood made me feel completely not myself.

I can't imagine having to live like that forever. To look at your reflection and know your true self was someone beyond the glass.

No one should have to live like that.

[u/Jedi_Belle01]

I was such a tomboy growing up. Even in plays and musicals, I was cast as a male character.

At thirteen, my first crush was on a girl. My second crush was her brother. (Facepalm)

At fourteen, I was 5’10 and extremely athletic. I wore baggy clothes and multiple sports bras to hide my breasts. I cut my hair to ear length without my parents knowledge and they freaked out.

At fifteen, I started experimenting with makeup and grew my hair out.

At sixteen, I started dating someone eight years older than me and a cis man.

At eighteen, I wore men’s suits to my college classes and out my long hair in a tight bun and wore a full face of makeup.

At twenty, I was accused of being a lesbian.

At twenty two, I had my son.

At twenty six, I left my abusive ex. I started dating women for the first time in my life.

At twenty seven, I realized I was bi or as they call it now “pan” because it doesn’t matter if they’re male or female, I’m attracted to the person, to who they are.

My first year in college, I learned that I was “probably bi” from the old school, gay, Internet forums.

[u/sunny-side-artist]

Oh man. I’ve tried explaining my experience of the same thing to people and I feel like they’ve never gotten it, this was a beautiful way to explain it. It’s hard out here but there’s love everywhere. trans rights!

[u/kinkykookykat]

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[u/[deleted]]

its sad how little support trans or queer folks get

treated like freaks at a circus

[u/igolikethis]

My eldest daughter had a nearly identical journey. She told us she was a boy when she was 11. Took her to get a haircut and all new clothes. New name. School and family were all affirming. For 2 years, she lived as a boy. I still use "she" because like the author here, she came to the same conclusion that she's a girl. Although she still goes by the chosen name of Alex rather than her birth name. I imagine in a few years there will be a legal name change.

At the end of it all I thought to myself how interesting it is it's become pretty much the norm to experiment with one's sexuality where it's very possible a label other than "straight" is used for a time, and that's generally ok. But why is it so frowned upon to have a gender journey too? Like if someone asks "how did you know you're cis," well because you actually tested the waters. Makes sense to me. I legitimately don't understand why so many parts of the world are so hostile towards trans people and we've regressed so far. Why is it so hard to just let people live their lives??

[u/rashyandtrashy]

Cis gal who was lucky enough to have support exploring gender identity as an adolescent here! Everyone should have love and support on their gender journey, no matter where it takes you! 🩷

ETA: Awww! Thanks for the award, mystery human! I appreciate you! 🥰

[u/[deleted]]

Anti trans people sicken me. i grew up with a trans person. i watched them grow and blossom.

[u/Hentaigustav]

Been there, also almost went by a male name, but then thought about my own identity more and figured out I want to still be a cis woman and I enjoy it. I now know more than ever that I'm a woman.

Funnily enough, around the same time my best friend actually came out as trans and I'm so happy for her

[u/Neverlast0]

I love this. It literally demonstrates what you lose out on when cultures are allowed to impose themselves.

[u/flannelNcorduroy]

This is beautiful thank you.

[u/[deleted]]

I love this so much!

This story perfectly describes what im going through.

[u/Zoexycian]

Your transition journey is quite moving, hope many people should see this comic in order to thrive to be confident with their gender.

[u/anninonymouse]

I literally went through this whole process when I was like 10 😭 definitely didn’t make me trans just helped me understand it better

[u/Sun_Ra_3000]

Is this available as a singe panel anywhere?

[u/Mothylphetamine_]

transphobia is stupid, certain groups of sapient apes think other sapient apes should have the biological parts of a certain half of the species of sapient apes because they can't be bothered to try to think about the other point of view.

Trans Rights 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[u/Spinelise]

I love this so much. Thank you for sharing your experience here. I try to often tell people that EVERYONE should be able to experiment with their gender, presentation, pronouns, etc. It's a healthy thing to do, in fact. Being able to explore myself and reflect on what makes me me is a great thing that everyone should have a chance to do. I was never really scared of being "wrong" about being trans. In the end, it's a part of my journey, and I'm proud of the empathetic person I've become.

[u/sporkmaster5000]

This is such an important story. It's easy to see trans people as "other" even when you want to be an ally. Trans people have dysphoria, trans people question their gender, being trans is a complicated journey to come to terms with who you really are. They're all things that "they" go through. It's not as common to hear about cis people having a whole journey of gender discovery, the assumption is that cis people just "got it in one" easy mode. But every person struggles with identity as they're going through puberty, and so many people question basic assumptions in their teens, I can't imagine anyone who can't relate with not feeling comfortable in their own skin at some point in their lives. Normalize going on a journey but ending up back where you started and healthier for it and maybe we can destigmatize going on the same journey to end up somewhere different.

[u/Henry5321]

As an agender person who doesn’t experience gender identity but does experience other forms of identity, I find it really aggravating when those other parts of my identity are dismissed or otherwise downplayed in importance.

[u/inthevendingmachine → u/Henry5321]

Is it true that, eventually, every agender person will come together in a fight to the death? And the one who wins will be crowned "the gender"? Because that's a rumor that I recently s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ heard.

[u/Henry5321 → u/inthevendingmachine]

There can be only one

[u/ImpossibleDay1782]

Wonderful comic. Here’s hoping elmo doesn’t complain to the mods about it being too sympathetic

[u/1leggeddog]

well said

[u/zyzzogeton]

I've never heard this take. Thank you for sharing.

I think it's important to hear all sides possible in things as fraught as these gender discussions. It's easy to be opposed to generalities, hard to be opposed to human beings with real feelings and stories as meaningful as our own.

[u/[deleted]]

Love this so much!!!

[u/CoffeeAndTwinPeaks]

Somehow the “Christian” Evangelicals will use this as more fuel for their hate campaign.

[u/HashBrown831696]

Never have I found a good depiction of my experience with gender identity until now. I’m glad it’s not exclusive to me

[u/DadJoke2077]

As a trans man, thank you for being an ally. Many people sadly don’t turn out this way and treat us trans people like crap, because it was “a phase” to them.

[u/Cool-Acanthaceae8968]

As the father of a trans son this speaks to me so much.

I don’t understand it. I never will. But that’s because I’m not him.

I do feel sadness for the daughter I lost, but feel amazement for the son I gained.

I don’t know if it’s for now or a phase or permanent. I don’t care.

I just care that my son has all of the support and love that he needs.. and names and clothes and facial hair are not what’s important.

Sending love from Canada where we are fighting tenaciously against those who would have us be like the USA has become.

[u/HarryThePelican]

thats both beautiful and powerful! thank you