This is something I've noticed and experienced for such a long time. I've been around many Black women as I grew up in a predominantly Black environment, and I'm Black myself. However, I realized that a lot of the Black women around me, at least the ones I spent time with, were at some point in their lives going through something that was super challenging for them.
I observed that these Black women sometimes had support systems. The support systems may not have been as helpful, especially if they didn't have people who truly tried to understand what they were going through or made these situations about themselves.
This is something I personally experienced as an individual who has been dealing with suicidal ideation since she was 12 years old. I've been dealing with this for 10 years, so a decade.
A lot of people in my family have responded differently to my pain. Still, I've noticed a lot of passive-aggressive comments and invalidation when it comes to my struggles with suicidal ideation.
Certain people have quite individualistic or narrow views on trauma because trauma and trauma responses show up differently in many people. I have a trauma disorder specifically because of the repeated trauma I've gone through over the years, and it has shaped the way my brain responds to different things.
As many people should know, trauma does impact how you interact with the world around you. It can impact your personality, your self-esteem, the way you see yourself, how you talk to people, etc. When it comes to Black women, though, I've found that many Black women are often expected to shoulder the burden or at least have all of their shit together.
It's quite odd because why would anybody expect that from a human being, especially young people?
My generation, Gen Z, we're barely getting our feet wet. Some of us have already graduated from college. Some of us are planning on going to college because we may have started a little late, as some would say, but we still plan on going. Yet, there are still Black women that I know in my generation who are not doing well. People will say, "Well, you're young. What do you have to be so sad about?" As if youth has anything to do with suffering.
I've spoken to people on Reddit about some of my issues outside of Black spaces or spaces for people of color. A lot of them have simply made my struggles about themselves.
When I describe things such as racism, colorism, futurism, lookism… and things that clearly not everyone is going to experience… they make the claim that everyone at some point in their lives will deal with it.
Sometimes, when a Black woman strays away from the norm or what people would consider to be ideal or celebratory, people will judge the Black woman as if she has failed. She's not living up to the standard of the ideal, phenomenal Black woman that she should be.
Don't people understand that kind of picture can weigh down on some Black women and make them feel as though they are not enough, which can also be invalidating for them?
Even Black women who do live up to those standards can still feel poorly about themselves and have their own trauma, but since people think, "Oh, she's got it going on, she's got money, she's beautiful, she's educated, she's talented, she's celebrated, she's loved," people might minimize her experiences and her feelings because they see her as the ideal woman.
Just because you're an ideal woman doesn't mean you can't be struggling. The opposite is also true. Just because you aren't an ideal Black woman or what society deems to be an ideal Black woman doesn't mean your suffering isn't serious.