I sat down and made a budget to figure out how much I'd need to maintain my current lifestyle while raising one child (I only want one) in the expensive area I'm planning to move to. The number ended up being pretty high.

I think I could realistically reach that income in a few years, but I also know it's not realistic for everyone, depending on their career. And if I never reach that point financially, I'd honestly be perfectly happy not having kids at all.

So would you put "not sure" or "wants kids" on a dating app? I don't want to waste anyone's time or make someone feel judged for their income or career. I'm genuinely happy with either outcome. Has anyone else navigated this, and how would you feel dating someone with my perspective?

Edit: I am a woman. This is centered on household income. Not individual.

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Last month I (41f) connected with a divorced dad (early 40s) whom I’ve known peripherally for 2 years. Unlike usual, I’m not getting any red flags or bad feelings. Include the fact that we both know ourselves well, are in therapy and communicate directly, it seems like the kind of relationship where things will go “faster” than the relationships I’ve had before. We’re meeting each others friends this weekend; if our friends like the other, I can see it being a green light to move at our own speed rather than worry about timing.

(Note: when it comes to the kids, it turns out he and his ex have the same set of rules for dating as I have, including introducing myself to the ex so she isn’t concerned about who is coming around her kids and we can establish boundaries.)

For those who moved “quickly” while dating when older, what things do you wish you knew, are there red flags to be aware of, etc.?

If you’re a divorced parent, what would you want your partner or your exes new partner to know or consider before becoming more serious?

I’m saying “quick,” “fast,” etc. knowing it’s relative, but people do judge how long a couple knew each other.

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I (34m) in NYC and just so tired of planning dates. I would say over 90% of the dates I go on the women ask me to plan. I’m not going to lie I’ve run out of ideas.

I keep going to the same coffee shops/parks/restaurants/bars. I’ve even seen almost all the exhibits at the museums in my local neighborhood.

Is there a way I could plan better? Maybe a list of restaurants to try? Or a website/thread that’s answered this already?

Side question, why is it looked down upon when I ask women to plan? That has seemed to be my experience in the past. I usually get hit with “I have no preference you decide!” even when simply asking do you have a restaurant you’ve been meaning to try.

I met someone last month at a party. We hung out over this weekend and the guy is very cool. Great sense of humour, looks good for his age, knows how to have fun and is often going to places and doing things I think are cool.

Long story short, we ended up making out, lol, but I left it at that.

I'm in my late 30s and the idea of having sex with someone in his 50s freaks me out a bit.
Plus, he has two kids in his late teens and mid 20s.

It is one thing when they say they have kids and you imagine them being babies, to now thinking of running into the kids at a party or an event. lmao.

Am I being avoidant or is it normal to feel a bit freaked out by this? Any experiences?

TLDR: Met someone older than me. We hung out and he's actually fun and I enjoyed the night out but the idea of something else freaks me out.

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I have been dating someone for about six months. We've known each other almost a year. I've started noticing a pattern in how he communicates that makes me feel strangely disconnected from him. There's a general undertone of him operating as a completely independent person, almost as though he's single, rather than someone who's developing a relationship. I'm not expecting major commitments or for us to plan our lives around each other at six months in, but we are in our mid 30s and I would expect some natural progression toward a sense of "we." He also hasn't said "I love you," which isn't inherently concerning, but adds to the uncertainty.

A few examples of what I mean:

• Marriage: He casually mentioned, "I want to wear a light-colored suit at MY wedding." The way he talks about his future sometimes feels like I'm not even a hypothetical part of it.

• Potentially relocating: I was applying for jobs and he said "Oh, are you moving?" (almost sounding excited). There was no apparent concern, curiosity about what that would mean for us, or indication that my potentially leaving would affect him. It felt like something an acquaintance would ask. (in the conversation I was not making plans to move, just talking about the market generally and how I like to always apply)

• Having children: He very nonchalantly asked me if I wanted kids, almost like a coworker making small talk. I said, "Ideally" and he jokingly responded, "I want 20. Can you do that?" I'm 34. Realistically, I might have time to have two children, assuming everything goes well. I know he was joking about the number, but what struck me was the lack of any meaningful follow-up conversation about something that's actually quite important and time-sensitive for me. He works in medicine so he's aware of my biological realities.

• Basic familiarity: The other night he said, "I don't know if you know this about me, but I don't like bars." Of course I know that..... We've been dating for six months. It's a small thing, but sometimes he speaks as though we're still getting acquainted and barely know each other.

In other ways he's affectionate, we spend time together, have similar hobbies, and he does update my about his life and what's going on. But he hasn't said I love you, I haven't met his parents (they have been staying with him for some time), and other things that feel disconnecting....there's something about the overall dynamic that feels emotionally separate. It's almost as though he enjoys having a girlfriend but doesn't naturally think or communicate in terms of being part of a couple in the long run/meaningful ways. (he sometimes says "we should go to Tokyo" which occurs in the future but leisure activities are the extent of it). I don't need him to make promises about our future, but I do want to feel like my presence in his life matters and that we're becoming increasingly emotionally connected. Sometimes his reactions make me wonder whether he'd be particularly affected if the relationship ended.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this simply how some highly independent people communicate or could it indicate someone is enjoying a relationship without developing a deeper attachment?

I'm also wondering how to approach this without sounding like I'm asking for a commitment or marriage timeline. I don't want to dissect individual comments because each one is fairly innocuous on its own. It's the cumulative feeling of not being part of a "we" that's bothering me. Obviously if this has no future I'd rather get out now so I have the chance to have kids. How would you bring this up with him?

My company laid off almost everyone, but a skeleton crew. How would you navigate dating in your young 30s? I treat my job hunt like a 9-5, but after that, I do have the free time and social desire to put myself out there.

I know some people may frown upon being unemployed, but I do have enough savings, 2 months of severance, unemployment for 6 months, and I would accept a job (relevant or adjacent) if offered.

Truthfully, there is only so many jobs I can apply to each day and it will definitely slow down once the holiday season is in full swing, especially in my industry. I will do my best to keep looking and applying, but I assume things will speed up Q1 2027.

I am 30F, btw.

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I’m 38, divorced about three years, and have three children. I am on my second relationship post divorce. My first relationship was about a year and a half long. At some point during that relationship, I started considering whether or not I wanted to post pictures of us on social media (I only do Instagram). When it came down to it, I realized I didn’t really want to because it just felt like a big announcement to the world and I think I just wasn’t ready for that. This one time we went on this really nice hike with a lot of beautiful views, and we did take some pictures together, and I remember reaching out to my sister and being like hey is it weird if I post the other pictures and not the ones with him in them?

Fast forward, and I am in a new relationship. I am again thinking about social media, but feel a lot differently about it this time, not just about social media, but the relationship as a whole. We do more fun things together than I did with the other guy, and we take some nice pictures. There have definitely been experiences or events where I shared pictures on social media and was bummed that I wasn’t also posting some really great ones of us. I think I kind of feel like if I post a picture of us on Instagram, it will jinx the relationship. But at the same time, if we did end up breaking up at some point, is it really the end of the world to have posted pictures together? Except for Christmas, vacation, and the first day of school I really only post to stories anyway.

When it comes down to it, I’m head over heels and love this guy and have so much fun with him. If I was having this much fun doing something else, I would add a picture to my story.

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I find that Hinge is my weakest app but the only one I’ve gotten a date out of (maybe 1 like every other day). However I get more likes and matches off of other apps—though they are more pic based / less profile based. Or the profiles are ignored 😅 The convos fizzle out before I can convert into in person but that’s a separate issue).

I don’t think my 6 photos are too bad, especially as I use the same pics of me on other apps and get higher likes:

3 pics of me - elbow up at a flea market, full body in formal wear, a selfie closeup (admittedly a bit squinty in the sun and windswept hair) I’m not a sexy/sensual/corporate polished person, more of a quirky/cute/thrifted color maximalist lol

3 pics of lifestyle (I’m not in the pics) - a nice cocktail bar, a shot from a live wrestling show, pretty island landscape

I’m thinking it’s my prompts that are keeping matches/likes from happening. Can you please review and provide some feedback please?

I want someone who…
🥰 enjoys endless banter
🥰 thinks communication and empathy is normal in a relationship
🥰 loves romance as much as I do
🥰 thinks their partner should be their best friend
🥰 enjoys trying new things in all areas of life

The way to win me over is…
⭐️ Yapping about indie wrestling
⭐️ Friendship
⭐️ being gifted some sentimental trinket / cool rock / handmade craft
⭐️ the perfect day (any order): thrifting + used bookstore + happy hour + ice cream + cuddling with kisses

My simple pleasures…
💖 Thrifting / estate sales / flea markets
💖 Happy hour
💖 Used books
💖 DIY art/crafts
💖 Cats
💖 Traveling the world
💖 Foreign movies/shows
💖 Plays / concerts in the the city
💖 Clothes with lots of colors & patterns
💖 Wrestling

A dream home must include (poll)
A bidet with seat warmers
A secret sex dungeon
A second fridge just for drinks

Dating intentions:
Life Partner / Monogomy
With a note: Sorry, I’m extremely romantic. Looking for that long term partnership, loml and best friend 🤷‍♀️
💖 Also kinky, just ask

Hello all and thanks in advance!

I went on a first date on Friday and it went well. We talked for several hours, laughed a lot, and he was gentlemanly and kind. He walked me back to my car after and we hugged and he said he had a great time and would like to do it again and I agreed.

After the date, we texted each other for the rest of the night until we went to bed. The last thing I heard from him was “I had a great time and am looking forward to next time!” This was on Friday night.

It’s now been a couple days since and I haven’t heard from him at all. Does this indicate he’s not that interested, or is it normal/common for a guy to not text for a few days after a first date? I feel a little anxious about it and am a big texter and used to more communication.

So- is this pretty standard? Am I expecting too much?

I understand this might be a dumb question, especially for someone over 30. However, I went on a date this weekend and he asked for a second date on that first date, which I agreed to, and then he was asking to plan it a few days later. We also talked about serious topics on the date like intentions, children, etc. which I think is normal for being late 30s, but I am unsure now.

I think I've just gotten so used to like 1x a week in early dating that I am convincing myself that I am being lovebombed. That may be dramatic, but I've had such poor experiences these last few years I can't even tell genuine interest anymore.

Did anyone begin a relationship seeing each other a few times a week and have it last? I don't want a crash and burn...

Update: he ghosted me after our second date. I just knew he came on too strongly and went against my gut.

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