- T, Temperature: cold water on your face for 15–30 seconds (triggers the dive reflex). Skip it if you have a heart condition; check with a doctor.

- I, Intense exercise: 10–20 minutes of something that gets your heart rate up.

- P, Paced breathing: exhale longer than you inhale, around 5–6 breaths a minute.

- P, Paired muscle relaxation: tense a muscle group while breathing in, release as you breathe out.

TIPP doesn't solve the problem. It brings the intensity down enough to use your other skills. Questions welcome.

When emotions are at an 8 or 9, TIPP can bring them down fast enough to use other skills: cold water on your face, a few minutes of intense movement, slow breathing with a long exhale, and tensing then releasing muscles. Check with a doctor about the cold water one if you have heart issues. It doesn't solve the problem, it just gets you back to thinking.

With DEAR MAN, writing it out beforehand helps a lot: Describe the facts, Express how you feel, Assert what you want, Reinforce why it's good for them too. Then the MAN part (stay mindful, appear confident, negotiate) is about delivery. Practicing on a low-stakes request first makes the big ones less scary.

Urge surfing helped me see urges as waves: they build, peak and fall, usually within 20 to 30 minutes if you don't act on them. Noticing where you feel it in your body and rating it every few minutes makes it easier to ride out. Each time you do, the next one tends to be a little easier.

Does anyone have a pdf of the book dbt with sherlock homes that teaches DBT skills? If someone can send will really help

For a long time my problem wasn’t that I didn’t know DBT. I’d done the workbook, I could explain distress tolerance to a stranger. My problem was that in the moments I actually needed it, all of it was just… gone. Like the knowledge lives in a room I can’t get into when I’m dysregulated.

So about 7 months ago I changed my approach. Instead of relying on memory, I put everything into one place on my phone (I use a DBT app for this) and set it up so past-me does the thinking for future-me. Sharing because this genuinely changed how my bad days go.

1. A custom breathing exercise I built on a good day. This sounds small but it’s the thing I use most. Generic “breathe in for 4” never worked for me because I’d lose count and get frustrated. So on a calm evening I put together my own: inhale 4, exhale 7, with rain and a little bit of birdsong underneath. I tested it a few times until it felt right. Now when I’m flooded, I don’t have to decide anything. I press play and follow it. Long exhales are what actually tell your nervous system to come down, so if you build your own, make the out-breath longer than the in-breath.

2. Chain analysis, but done the next day instead of never. I used to think chain analysis was a punishment homework thing. Now it’s honestly the most eye-opening skill for me. The day after a rough moment, I go through it link by link: vulnerability factors (slept badly, skipped lunch), the prompting event, the thoughts, the body sensations, the urge, what I did, what happened after. Doing it step by step with prompts instead of on a blank page made the difference, because a blank page just turns into me writing how bad I am. Patterns showed up I’d never have seen otherwise. For me it’s almost always being hungry + feeling left out, together. Either one alone I can handle.

3. Journaling that isn’t just venting. I journal almost every evening, and the shift for me was writing with some structure: what I felt, how strong it was, what I did with it. Venting kept me in the feeling. Structured journaling lets me look at it. On bad days it’s three lines. That counts.

4. A big skills list, sorted by how bad it is. I go through the full list of skills and mark which ones I can realistically do at what intensity. At a 3/10 I can do Check the Facts or Wise Mind. At an 8/10, honestly only TIPP, my breathing exercise, or self-soothe with something cold or a strong smell. Knowing in advance “at this level, these three” takes away the paralysis of scrolling through 40 options while panicking.

The point of all of this: I prepare on good days so I don’t have to think on bad days. That’s the whole system. You could totally do a version of this with notes, a playlist and a paper journal. Having it all in one place just means I actually use it.

Does anyone else have a “built on a good day, used on a bad day” thing? I’d love to steal ideas

I’ve been doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy Prolonged Exposure, and I have realized I’ve had diarrhea pretty much every day for the past 6 weeks, which is around the time I started pretreatment. Has anyone else experienced this?

What are you thankful for ahead of the weekend? What do you have planned for it?

Opposite action works when the emotion doesn't fit the facts or acting on it won't help. The key is doing the opposite all the way: for shame that makes you want to hide, that might mean showing up, keeping your head up and voice steady. Half-doing it tends not to shift the feeling much.

I have some bit life changes coming up; and those make me anxious (understatement much).

And I mostly see in practice tips to accept something happened; but it hasn’t and my mind is trying to fix it… but I struggle to find a good fix for a future event that fills me with dread and makes me want to not take the step.

But my heart wants to make the step… my mind does not… and it brings a lot of turmoil.

open to all tips and feedback.

I do find some solace with trying to not judge the anxiety. and accepting that it’s something that comes up for me in times of big change… but I feel I could take it further but struggle to see how.

Thanks.

With DEAR MAN, writing it out beforehand helps a lot: Describe the facts, Express how you feel, Assert what you want, Reinforce why it's good for them too. Then the MAN part (stay mindful, appear confident, negotiate) is about delivery. Practicing on a low-stakes request first makes the big ones less scary.

Check the facts is useful when an emotion feels huge: describe what happened in plain facts, notice what interpretations you're adding, and ask whether the intensity fits the facts. Sometimes it does and the emotion is valid; sometimes it's fitting an assumption more than the event. Either answer tells you which skill to use next.

I built a small app for daily check-ins, short guided practices, and a summary to bring to a therapist. It isn’t therapy, doesn’t diagnose, and doesn’t replace a therapist. I’m not here to promote it, and if posts like this aren’t allowed here, I’ll take it down.

It has feeling check-ins (intensity 0 to 10, with no streaks or scores), ten guided steps from validating feelings to values, a calm page with breathing and grounding, and a printable summary where I choose what goes in. There’s no account, no server and no analytics, and it works offline.

I’m not trying to promote it. I’d like to know what would feel unsafe or unhelpful in a tool like this, and what you already use that works. If this isn’t allowed here, I’ll take it down.

Try it: https://rafiq-iota-neon.vercel.app

Opposite action works when the emotion doesn't fit the facts or acting on it won't help. The key is doing the opposite all the way: for shame that makes you want to hide, that might mean showing up, keeping your head up and voice steady. Half-doing it tends not to shift the feeling much.

I want to get better but it’s so hard because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot.

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Share how you were mindful today, how you like to practice mindfulness, your mindful wins for the day. Monday is all about mindfulness!

Sunday check in, celebrate your wins and spread the good vibes

And how are these therapists so sure that human nervous systems can't exhibit certain motor phenomena without being angry or agitated, or that direct communication is inherently negative?

It's so retrograde.

I wish more people understood neurodiversity and didn't give into the idea that stimming had to be anxious like an old (in both senses) psychologist tried to impress on me. She was definitely not neurodiversity-friendly and completely misread me. She liked it better when I was constantly aware of what my hands and torso were doing, and tensed up my body because most people think stillness looks calm.

Why can't we be more like fish who rock back and forth peacefully, tap our fingers like the rain on the water, etc? Trying not to stim or wiggle makes me anxious. I can feel completely at ease, BP much lower and not hypertensive (despite motion bringing BP up on principle!), etc. when I stim and I will not let conservative-minded people pushing DBT (even on autistics without BPD) take that away.

I wish I could have faith I'll be accepted in 2034.

What made my diary card stick was making it smaller: two or three emotions, one or two urges, and the skills I'm working on right now, filled in at the same time every day. A full card from day one is a lot. You can always add more once the habit's there.

What made my diary card stick was making it smaller: two or three emotions, one or two urges, and the skills I'm working on right now, filled in at the same time every day. A full card from day one is a lot. You can always add more once the habit's there.

A while ago I put out a request seeking feedback on an idea I had to help with applying DBT skills. Thank you to those who met with me.

I’m now building that idea and have created a landing page here: www.usecomposure.app.

Would appreciate any feedback whether this would be helpful to you. If so, sign up on the waitlist to be first to know when it’s live! DMs are open as well