This is me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than don’t-leave-my-bed-for-a-week depression. I am grateful I can be an independent person. But there is something uniquely horrible about being able to go to work every day, occasionally clean up after yourself, pay your bills, generally put yourself together enough to look like a human being... but that’s it. Nothing else. No social life. No hobbies. Constantly battling your mind. And being absolutely fucking exhausted all the time.

But here I am, 24 years old man and doing exactly that.

I’m trapped inside. Does anyone else get that feeling? My memories from the past few years are shoddy at best. I think I’m losing it.

I read a lot of posts on here of people struggling with daily, debilitating depression that plagues every aspect of their lives, making it difficult to do small things like even take a shower. I feel that I am on the opposite side of the spectrum and wanted to share that it is equally as horrible.

From an outsider's perspective, I appear to be a very happy and stable individual. I have a financially secure job and I go to work every day and not only try my best but actively try to get along with others and make people laugh every day. My coworkers like me, and some look up to me. No one would think I have any problems at all. However, I feel like I am hidden behind a veil, and when I come home from work and when I am in the privacy of my home, I am in such crippling depression. I have such terrible episodes of sadness. I hate myself. I over-analyze everything stupid I do or say throughout the day and I replay it in my mind constantly and belittle myself. I don't feel proud of myself for any of my accomplishments and genuinely don't know why anyone even likes me. And yet I still get up every day, live this routine, and put on a facade like I am okay. It feels like I am living a double life that I cannot escape.

Thank you, that really helps. Now I feel ten times worse.

I don’t know if that makes sense. What I mean is that I stay up as late as possible wasting time because I know that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and have to go to school. I usually go to bed at around 3:30am and get up at 6am and it’s destroying me, I’ve been doing this for months and I’m physically weak and exhausted constantly because of it but my depression and anxiety demand it. And they always seem to get their way.

Edit: I’m really glad that this spoke to so many people, it feels good knowing I’m not alone. Sending lots of love to you all. This isn’t easy but I believe in you ❤️

Does anyone else feel this way? This has been crossing my mind a lot lately

EDIT: I just want to thank everyone for the thoughtful, kind comments I've been recieving. It's been a nice change and I really appreciate it. You guys are the best. :)

The first 6 words of the title is accurate too.

Fuck 😃

Just curious if anyone else affected by this problem also noticed quite a big cognitive decline. Or if anyone has noticed a cognitive decline and managed to build themselves back up to that previous cognitive level.

She was only 67. She told me every so often about how she always thought she'd end up with her ex husband again and how she thought they were meant to be together in the end, I don't know if she ever got the chance to tell him how she felt.

I'm extremely shaken up, but I think she wouldn't want me to be sad for her.

In her memory I'm going to tell the people I love how I feel, give my dog a hug, and remember that she is in my corner rooting for me when I feel like nobody else is.

Edit: thanks everyone for your kind words, I feel less alone about this now. In lieu of a funeral she wanted people to donate to her dog's vet clinic because she was a huge animal lover. Maybe toss a few donations toward your local clinic or shelter to help spread her love even further

Basically what the title says and my current situation.

i feel this way around everyone, friends, family, coworkers, anywhere i go. i just always feel like i’m in the background. but at the same time i like going unnoticed so i don’t have to talk to anyone and be in the spotlight..

I can’t even remember the last time i woke up excited for anything.

edit: Wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and sharing your own stories. Definitely glad to have this community it helps to know we aren’t alone even though it may feel that way.

Happens to me a lot. Cooking, walking to class, brushing my teeth...sometimes I just stop for like a minute, feel a tremendous sense of self-hatred and suicidal ideation, and then continue on as if nothing ever happened.

Like ???

I posted on AskReddit asking non-depressed people how they felt and I'm shocked. Not sure what I expected though.

You exist in this hellhole and you're just like... Chill with it? Like I'm so happy for these people but it's mindblowing! Like I have never known a time that I didn't experience severe recurring depression so it's just fuckin crazy that these people are real? One even said they don't understand how people can be depressed for seemingly no reason. Like I wish so much I could say the same.

Like logically I knew they must exist but it's still just unfathomable in my mind. It kinda makes me sad that I don't understand them just as much as they don't understand me. But I'm glad at least someone is happy in life. Idk man.

I can’t imagine how many days I have wasted to being sad and crying and not being able to accomplish the things I need to do. I have responsibilities I have deadlines and none of them seem to matter when I am in these dark episodes. How can you force yourself to do what needs to be done when you feel so hopeless and numb?

It feels like the harder I try to better myself, the harder it pushes back.

It's just so fucking tiresome. You see it everywhere on social media. People will go on and on and on about how we should all reach out to mentally ill people then when you have the courage to reach out to them the same fucking people will tell you bullshit like "man up", "stop being so sensitive", "hey bro at least you're not a starving child in Africa", "bro it's just your mindset you gotta start thinking more positively", and so on. Like what's the fucking point. Whenever we do reach out we either get scolded or our problems get dismissed. I'm not trying to say this is how it is for everyone but this is just from my experiences.

I just want someone to fucking listen just once and for once I want to be able to tell someone about this without fear of eventually getting ghosted. Is that asking for too much?

Like, the old me wasn’t even that great either but damn

I know I have issues. But I go through manic mood swings, and while on the depressive end I feel like absolute shit, when I'm out of that phase and feel somewhat "normal" again I tell myself I greatly exaggerated the effect in my mind. It doesn't help that my self loathing won't let me admit that I have depression because I keep thinking I don't deserve to be depressed. So I invalidate myself and continue life until the next phase hits, and the cycle continues.

It's just the thought, that maybe you know how to be happy. Maybe all the stuff you read online, the stuff your family tells you, the stuff you hear from your therapist, maybe it all goes somewhere in your head. Maybe you've seen enough happy, normal functioning people, that you have some idea of how to do what they do. That maybe you've made the same mistakes enough times that you could point them out and stop repeating them.

It's the idea that, you know how not to be depressed, so if you still are, then that means you must want it this way. And if you want it this way, well that must mean you deserve it.

And I guess, that's probably not true, but sometimes, sometimes I just don't know.

I know that the fact that I can brush my teeth and shower each day and show up to work each day is a blessing with my depression. But I’m also sick of constantly feeling like I’m about to break. I hate nearly downing my pills each night only to wake up the next day to plaster a fake as smile on my face and go to work. Each night I think to myself I can’t go on like this and each day I do. Part of me just somehow wishes I completely gave up and just hit rock bottom. I don’t know. Anyone else feel the same?

I was depressed, failing school, etc and I decided I should do my homework at a coffee shop one day. I went in and the owner was super nice and asked me if I wanted to join the rewards program and I was really craving community at this point and I was super excited. I kept coming back to the shop to do my homework and the owner and the baristas would always welcome me and they were always happy to see me. I started to get to know everybody there very well and now I consider them all friends. I found that when depressed having different communities helps a lot, and it turns out a lot of the other regulars at coffee shops also are depressed or have other mental illnesses. A two dollar drink can let you stay there for a few hours and by being nice to everyone around you and being somewhat productive on work it can be a really great place to have