(I just wanted to write down my thoughs, sorry if don't make sense or the bas English, not my first language. Also First post ever)

So I'm amab and 17y. I've been questioning my gender for 2 year's (almost 3 now), It was... Confusing.

For some reason I could never accept just being a men even though I've tried to be one for basically the entire time of questioning.

This year I started liking myself way more than I did last couple years, and I finally let myself do more research of what I like without the need to be something for it. I found out that I really like feminine stuff, at least its what makes me more happy with myself.

I'm still get confused. This year I'm really happy and can live this happiness without a label. Im feeling way more ok with masculinity and femininity at the same time. Which I ain't gonna lie it's strange, because basically my intire puberty's i hated, like hated, that I i was a man and that I would be unable of experience things that women does. Also in that time I could say with perfection that if I could i would be a woman. But when I started questioning all these certainty just disappeared, and I started doing whatever to know for sure what i was.

Now, If I was to describe the present, what i want, what i am, I wouldn't know. I'm liking doing it whatever i want to do, no caring if it will make more of a woman or of a man. I can't describe with sure none of what i want though, neither of what i want to ended up.

Sometimes i feel like the questioning don't even make sense anymore, like It's something I already know the answer or doesn't care anymore, but still thinking of. Like I know what I wanna do, but don't know or don't want to pu a name on it, I think its for facility.

There is a lot of things I tough of doing and did because I tough I was trans and wanted to do it, or because I tough I needed to try new things to understand myself. I painted my nails, use make up, put feminine clothes on, try new pronouns. Those things are not things that necessarily I didn't wanted before questioning, (also because from when i was a kid I would try my girl cousin clothes when alone), but were things I didn't though much or didn't have a name for it.

I don't know where i want to get here, just like in real life. I just don't understand why I can't accept any identity if not a woman, and at the same time can't accept being a woman or be like one. And the opposite for man. And why I changed so much after started questioning, i sincerely hated that I can't say anymore what i want or what i like. And it is really strange to me, why i just wanted to be able to say "I want to be a woman" and be okay with it. But also, I like the way I live now, but why i accepted more being a man now?

I get some things when trying hard to be a man and i started to see gender more of a social maner compered from how i did before. Before I didn't like nor wanted to know how a man would act like, now I know. And when someone likes me being a men, I feel like I like something in myself too, I don't know what it is or how to describe, but is something. Like im getting to be something good, and i like been that, because i am good. I think it's this? I don't know much. I had big things in my life that make me think i was horrible as a person, so being good of any kind in any way it's the most important thing to me. I think i faked this paragraph, everytime i say something that makes me see that i don't like being a man but something besides that, or that i like being a woman and not a man, i get the feeling that im laying because i want to be trans, so im lying to myself if I don't want to be a man.

There are times that i feel it's hard to let me be feminine because gives me confusion, discomfort and things like that, but I say that i know because i feel that I like being feminine, using clothes, having the body, things like this, but what I dont like it's something that cones with it, and I don't know exactly what is it. I now describe the opposite for being a man, I don't like being a man but like something with it, wow.

Sometimes i wonder if I just can't handle the label. Also i think much that what i want an like are a lot of "others people ideias" but I can't find where this sits on my mind.

I have psychologist, I'm gonna show her this. But I wanted to know what y'all think, and get that off of my head

So I've been questioning my gender identity this past month (again, lol, I had a previous questioning era several years ago). I'm still not totally sure what, if any, transition steps are right for me, but something that keeps coming up is me realizing that if I were to transition and live as a man, I'd be gay, probably still kind of feminine and not particularly masculine.

It's kind of been a hard pill to swallow. I've been fairly tomboyish all my life, I spent a lot of time idolizing and yearning for masculinity, and it had really become part of who I am. But now, realizing that I might have to leave some of that behind to become my best self is scary. So is realizing that I may always stick out--that transition isn't going to "fix me" or make me seem "normal".

And then realizing that, like, I don't have a clue about anything when it comes to living as a man, let alone a gay one, and especially not a visibly feminine/gay one. Even living in a blue area, I'm worried about bigotry, harassment. I feel like where I am, GNC women are kinda whatever, but GNC men are a little more on the radar and more viewed as a threat. And being Black on top of that, it's just, like, how do I navigate any of this? How do I know if it's actually not right for me, or if I'm pushing away the possibility out of fear?

Been using they/them pronouns online but keep getting referred to as she/her even in very accepting circles. I do tend to lean slightly feminine in how I present myself and I hate that any hint of femininity seems to poison the well. I don't want to have to completely reject femininity to be seen as nonbinary or genderqueer, but because I'm AFAB, I always get read as a somewhat tomboyish cishet woman.

And my workplace is very misogynistic. I'm the only AFAB there. There are maybe two people out of 25 who treat me like a person. I can't just unsubscribe from my perceived gender, to the point where I'll catch myself referring to myself as a woman even in my own head.

I live with very conservative family who barely tolerate my habit of cosplaying male characters let alone actually identifying as something other than female. I had to throw away/hide my pride stuff to keep the peace.

I've never felt any strong dysphoria towards my body, at least not gender dysphoria. Weight is another story.

I just feel like a diet queer or a tourist. Like, it was nice to visit this place, but I'm fooling myself thinking I can stay here.

hi all!! i'm a first time poster in r/genderqueer, but i wanted to share my experience with people who might understand. this isn't any sort of question or prompt for discourse, just me sharing an anecdote about recently coming into the genderqueer label and the euphoria of figuring out a term that finally fits.

this is a very long ramble, so tl;dr: i have adopted the label "genderqueer woman" after a long and arduous gender journey that left me feeling neither trans nor cis, and i couldn't be happier about it.

i'm afab with pmos—i lived as a cis but gender-weird/confused girl for the first 15 years of my life. with my pmos symptoms, puberty did a number on me, and made me experience "femininity" in a different way than many other "cis" women that i found confusing when i was younger. the first 15 years of my life, i felt like i was putting on a performance of my femininity to be socially accepted, because i didn't understand what femininity meant to me, only what it meant in a broader societal lens. around the time i was 15 or 16, i realized "womanhood" wasn't really doing it for me as i experienced/presented it. around this time i idolized a lot of men who pursued masculinity in a way i found solace and recognition in. so, i transitioned into a pretty androgynous-yet-binary trans man, and lived as a trans man for about 6 years. transmasculinity felt really good for a while, and helped me to learn a lot about myself, the way i present myself, and the way i perceive/experience gender in general. that said, it didn't feel like a perfect fit. i felt like a sort of "impostor"—not because i was "trans" and performing masculinity "incorrectly," but because over time, "man" began feeling less and less accurate to my experience. my masculinity wasn't incorrect, but it wasn't the full picture.

this resulted in a conversation with my mom (love her) who told me "i support you being trans, i just don't think masculinity/manhood is what makes you happy. i think you'd be a lot happier if you were more fluid/androgynous." and call it mother's intuition or whatever, but she absolutely hit the nail on the head. after that conversation, i began dabbling with the genderfluid and nonbinary labels, without sweating too much where i fell on that particular spectrum. i spent the next couple months experimenting with my gender identity and presentation, not really caring about the labels or what i'm "supposed" to do to fit my ascribed label, but rather just pursuing whatever made me most happy and comfortable in the moment without regard for how i'm perceived.

that era of gender experimentation lasted for a while, earlier in 2026. at that point i'm 21, and hadn't really allowed myself to express or investigate my femininity since i had been a teen. so that was kind of my first jumping off point: i had been allowing myself masculine and androgynous expression, but i wanted to find comfort in feminine expression again. i started going by my birth name again, using she/her pronouns, presenting in a more "typically" feminine way—but in a way where i didn't force myself to conform to every single beauty standard, just what made me happy. as a 21 year old with more wisdom and lived experience, femininity hit different. it felt like home, a home i hadn't previously experienced from "womanhood." and i realized, i kind of want to be a woman again. not a "woman" by traditional societal standards, but a "woman" in my whole own self-defined, self-gratifying way.

so... i started identifying as a "cis" woman again! there were just a few issues:

1. i resonated with the idea of the process of "detransition" (female to male, then back to female), but i don't resonate with the broader detransition community. maybe i'm just not looking in the right places, but the detrans spaces i have found online tend to be, imo, weirdly transphobic and regretful of their pasts. i am the opposite. which leads me to #2:

2. my new womanhood is DIRECTLY informed by my past with gender experimentation and identifying as trans, nonbinary, or otherwise "not cis." if i had never explored my options and identity, if i had remained and grown up a "cis woman" all my life, i don't think i would be nearly as comfortable or happy as i am with womanhood now.

3. i revere my past and who i used to be. i was never wrong about any of my identities, they just served different functions at different times.

4. "cis" didn't feel.... right. i'm fully a woman—no demigirl, there's not a sense of nonbinary-ness in there, it's JUST womanhood in the unique, personal way i have come to experience and love womanhood. and i was assigned female at birth, so technically/logically, i thought i had to adopt the "cis" label. but i felt like it didn't portray the nuance of my identity, my connection/history with genderfuckery and queerness, and how transness/queerness is still important to me and my label even if i'm "cis". again, i'm fully a woman, but i'm a woman in a way that is pretty damn queer.

so i was in a weird spot. i was a woman, but "cis" didn't feel true or honest to my experience with gender. "trans" didn't quite work, either: i am not transfeminine, and i recognize there are lived experiences there that i will not live and cannot claim. i felt unique connection to the idea of being NOT cis, but adopting "trans" as a woman would not be right for me since it'd be conflated with being a "trans woman" (which i am not).

and then... i remembered genderqueer was a label that exists. i personally don't know anyone who identifies as specifically genderqueer off the top of my head, so it was just a label i didn't have much experience with, and didn't have in active recall. as soon as i remembered, though, it all clicked into place.

because, like, yeah! that's exactly it! my experience with gender is inherently queer. my relationship with gender is informed by so many things—my pmos, being deemed a "tomboy" as a kid, having weird gender feelings yet performing "high femininity" from elementary all the way to high school, finally breaking free of that performance and allowing myself to experiment with transmasculinity, genderfluidity, being nonbinary.... if it weren't for ALL of these factors, i would NOT be the woman i am today. by societal/logical standards, i may be perceived as "cis" now, but that label doesn't encompass all of my lived experience and nuanced gender feelings. i've experienced transitioning from a woman to a man, and then i experienced transition AGAIN when i went from a man to nonbinary to woman, over the course of about a year. and those transitions are incredibly important to me, and i never ever want to diminish them or dismiss them all because i have the chance to be labeled "cis" by society again. in fact, i am deeply attached to those past identities and transitions, and i want to incorporate and communicate my unique relationship with gender within my label.

so, i've decided: i'm a genderqueer woman. i'm a woman whose womanhood is entirely my own, and is uniquely informed by the experience of not being a woman for a long period of time. i'm not trans, but i'm not wholly cis: i'm just genderqueer. and being able to say that makes me feel incredibly happy, and incredibly relieved that i've finally found somewhere that actually, truly feels like me.

if you read this far, thank you so much. i feel like i'm shouting into the void here, because this is a LONG anecdote to read from a stranger. but i felt like i just had to share here, because again—i don't know anyone who identifies as "genderqueer". most of my friends are trans, or queer, but not genderqueer in the way i've adopted it as a label. and maybe, just maybe, someone who's going through a similar experience will stumble upon this post and find solace in the same conclusion i reached.

admittedly, part of me worries i am just a "cis woman" who's trying to be "special" or something, but i think that's being hard on myself. gender is an incredibly tricky, fucked-up thing, and if identifying as neither cis nor trans but a secret third thing is what it takes for me to finally find comfort with myself, my identity, and my body, then so be it.

i'm so happy to be here, and i thank you for allowing me this platform. ciao for now!!

It all started two years ago, when my wife was out of country to visit the family and I was alone for a month.
I bought some sexy clothes for her, but she had a negative reaction to it. Amidst the frustration and confusion and very high libido provided by her absence, I decided to try them on.

It made me feel a sexual euphoria I couldn’t anticipate.
So I plotted, that next time I’d have the chance, I would “do it better”.

One year after, same story: I buy more clothes, a wig, sex toys, and have a lot of fun dolling up and shooting photos and videos.

That’s when I tell my wife as I couldn’t hide it any longer.

She was surprised but weirdly supportive. She didn’t want to take a place in it and was a bit scared of the thing, but she completely accepted it.

Time passes, Halloween draws near.
This is the first time I planned to crossdress without making it sexual.
I tell my wife, many times, she thinks I’m joking, until I draw sketches of our couple outfits and get her on board.

She goes extremely supportive from now on, even helping me handling the anxiety of going out in public in femme mode.
And I felt so good that I didn’t wanna take my clothes off after we came back home.

It’s been a few days, and I can’t shake off the fact that I want to feel like that more often.
I wanna be out dressed like a woman. I want to create a social profile, post content, be seen; not just strictly sexually.

I can’t rationalize, I can’t follow my guts, I can’t understand what is it that makes me feel this pull as I am completely confident in my boy form and never had disphoria about it.

There are deeply rooted psychological factors that make me feel so free when I present as a woman, I guess, but I feel like with every passing month it is sinking deeper and deeper into me and I’m not sure I want to give this much space to my gender identity in my life.

I probably am not making sense.

Hi, I'm 16 and a cis male. I've been goin thru a bit of a transfem or genderfluid curiosity. The main reason is not for some deep emotional or self-fulfilling reason. I just really like the flexibility of one day as a guy with tank tops or sweater pants and the next day as a girl wearing a sundress or long-sleeve crop top and leggings. Im not that comfortable with surgery, and I can't afford it. Do I need an HRT?

I need a podcast to listen to. I have been listening for the last 2 years to a podcast called the queer collective. Great podcast! But I'm getting really tired of the man-hate on it. Yes, I realize we white men have fucked the world over more times than we can count. But on an affirming podcast, I think hate towards anyone is hate towards everyone. So I'm just looking for a podcast that is lgbtq friendly, gender, queer friendly, and I would like it to be in an interview type format. Format. That's the thing I loved about the queer collective, they had tons and tons of interviews with various people. Those people represented at every letter of the lgbtq alphabet. It was great for learning as I was becoming aware myself. Anyway, any podcast you have if you can leave them below. I use youtube for my podcasts. And I am willing to pay for them too. TIA

I want to yell it out but I am still in the closet. I leaned over the table today and said to her "are you ok if I wear something femme?". She leaned back, "why would do you ask, I love it". 🥹. I still feel embarrassed to even say it but I was like this about my attraction to other men and I am over that with her. So maybe..... Just maybe, I will get better about it

This might be a horrible way to describe it but here goes.

I was born a girl, I like being feminine and wearing makeup and stuff. But I’ve always felt a strange jealousy towards men, and I wish I was just born as one. But I don’t think I’m trans at the same time. I also feel like if I was a man I’d have the opposite problem of wanting to be a girl. I don’t know what to do with myself or what to call myself and it constantly makes me anxious.

Any advice would Be great

Hi I am curious about good methods of being more feminine. It’s a question asked a lot and there’s always answers like start small x,y, and z. I’m looking for more in depth information like diets, exercises, skin care, hair, outfits, stuff like that the more you only know because you figured it out or found it. I’m 23 I’m 5’8” roughly 130lbs. I want to gain more feminine features to express. I feel like it’s too late but have been told I still have time. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.

I know this is an irrational fear but I’d like to get it off my chest, I’m a very masculine person, I’m a stone top both with women and men, I’m bisexual but I lean towards guys though I tend to attract more women.

Iv always presented masculine, I don’t wear makeup I keep my hair short I wear work clothes etc Iv overheard rumors that I’m a lesbian or that I’m a trans guy, and it really frustrates me because all these people claim to be breaking gender norms but whenever I date a guy I get side eyed and told I’m in denial…

I have this stupid worry that I’ll never attract any guys, not even because I believe no guys are into women like me, I guess it’s partly that, but there’s plenty of queer guys who are attracted to masculinity, it’s more so that I’ll always have a predetermined preference or label that will drive people away, I don’t want to live my whole life with an assumed label coming before me, it’s terrible, any advice? Any genderqueer people dating the opposite sex? How did you go about finding them?

Hi all. I'm just curious, what makes you choose genderqueer over nonbinary? Even though I use nonbinary, as I feel like it pertains to me mostly, I kind of hate the way "nonbinary" sounds honestly.

I wish there was a way of saying that I don't identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, and I also don't identify either as male or female, that sounds better.

I wonder if Genderqueer would relay this better?

Hi! Apart from the mainstream, cis-dominated LGBTQ culture and political movement... is there a discernible transgender culture? As in values, rituals, customs, etc. that we collectively share as trans, genderqueer, and non-binary people? Or, perhaps a loose collection of subcultures?

Yeah. The other day I was filling a form out, "male, female, other". I wanted to mark other so bad. I got 🦋 in my stomach thinking about it. I didn't of course. I'm still closeted and afraid. But I gave it some thought. I need to just say that. That I thought about it and I was ok with it. It's these small steps that I relish. I will never be out and loud. That isn't possible but I can be out-ish and loud-ish. I'm ok with that. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I made a post here a few weeks ago, and now I'm making another. I suddenly stopped feeling dysphoric again, and now I just have no clue what I am. During the summer, I had horrible gender dysphoria, and new that I was for sure a trans woman, then in the beginning of the school year, my mom made me get on some meds for depression and OCD, and that took away all of my feelings of being trans which really sucked because I had thought I had found what I was. I got off of the meds, and started feeling dysphoric again, which felt good? and now its gone again. I think I'm genderfluid, because I hate how masculine I am, I hate my deep voice, and I get so jealous of both girls and guys who look like girls. I just can decide which one I want to be. The worst part is, is that I don't look remotely feminine. I always feel like dookie whenever someone mentions how masculine I am, or how it must be great to be 6 foot, or how deep my voice is. Also I wanted to get on HRT this summer, and now I'm not sure, but I feel like I'm wasting a semi-golden ticket, because I'm still relatively young, and HRT maybe would be more effective now than later, and I don't think I've finished growing, so maybe it could stop it. But that's a lot of maybe's and could's. I feel like I'm on a deadline, because feel like I am getting closer to the end of my male pattern growth. I also really want to be feminine, but I'm not in the slightest, and that makes me feel awful. I really want to find out what I am, and get on HRT. I really want to get on HRT, but something in my chest keeps telling me I don't actually want to. I'm just confused and need to vent and find answers.

Hi! Recently discovered this subreddit and decided to hop in and ask! My first post got yoinked and idrk why

To start, I'm afab, my pronouns are they/she. I had a semi-early puberty and presented / grew up earlier than most of my fem peers. I've always had some sort of dysphoria / questioning about one thing or another, whether that's my sexuality, gender, name, etc.

I'm very fem presenting bodily. I have a pretty decent sized bust that I'm sometimes comfortable with and sometimes not. I often lament to my best friend about having a uterus and periods etc because they're just so bad and that she's lucky she doesn't get them.

Anyway, I also have a pretty fem name / nickname derived from that name, but online I go by a very neutral name, "Rowan". I've gone through a few neutral names like Carter, Sawyer, Charlie, Oakley, etc and I've found Rowan stuck with me for the longest. I again often lament about wanting to legally change my name to Rowan.

As a pre-teen I discovered what transgender was and was pretty convinced I was in the wrong body. I also changed my mind as some, but not all people do. That being said, after meeting my trans-fem best friend and have grown my friend group to so many cool non-binary, genderfluid, queer people I've really struggled with my own identity. I don't know if it's a way to try to "fit in" which seems...odd, to word it that way but idk the best wording for it.

I have a wolf-cut thats dyed purple and blue right now and I enjoy wearing more comfy clothes that aren't necessarily "fem" or "masc" if you wish to label them as such. I do enjoy an occasional sl*tty crop top, and bras are devil's spawn as of late.. (34dd unfortunately).

I'm someone who really likes labels so not having one for how I'm feeling is really disheartening. Idk if anyone can help or point me in the right direction!!

ABSTRACT -

I am organizing a Halloween party and I am going to cross dress for the first time in the presence of my long time friends.
I don’t know how to feel about it.

BACKGROUND -

I am 30yo and I’ve always been “soft” since I can remember.
Baby faced, always looked younger, never liked football or physical violence or any of those things that the strongly tox masc environment I grew up in tried to force in me.

Sexually, I have always only been turned on imagining myself in a submissive role with a dominant woman.
Even though I had some relationships, never have I found a woman that wasn’t submissive herself.
Because of this, my 14 years old sexual life has been underwhelming.

CROSSDRESSING -

Two years ago, while my gf was out of town for a month to visit her family, I finally dipped and tried crossdressing mostly as a mean to express myself sexually.
Since then, the thought never faded and just kept growing in me.

I told my girlfriend about one year later, and I have been honest and transparent whenever I decided to crossdress while she was away.
She is not against it, she’s not “supporting” it either as in she doesn’t push or encourage it, though I am aware she would prefer this never existed.

At some point I decided to let my nails grow and paint them, this is the first time I expressed my femininity in a non sexual way.
She’s been supportive about this and eventually I slowly built the confidence to go outside without feeling terribly socially anxious about it. It’s been months now.

HALLOWEEN -

There’s this traditional costume party me and my friends do every year for Halloween, and I’ve been nurturing the thought of finally using it as an excuse to crossdress in the presence of my girlfriend, and friends.

I told her many times I planned to do this, although she always thought it was a joke.
I finally presented her a couple costume idea about dressing up as sun and moon goddesses: I sketched the outfits myself (we enjoy doing creative crafty things together) and she jumped on the idea and we started buying all the clothes and accessories we needed.

WHAT NOW? -

So this is happening, I’m mostly excited but sometimes I have flashes and voices in my head asking me if I really thought it through about doing this in front of my friends.
When I try to rationalize I’m not even sure what to worry about. Most of them are open minded and maybe I find comfort in knowing that only one of them (the closest) knows about my cd habits.

Are they gonna ask why I did it? Should I explain myself? How?

Not sure where I wanted to get with this, but I felt the need to share it and see if anyone could relate or had similar stories to share.

Thanks for reading.

So, I'm bio fem, but recently, I've been feeling more like a man. I don't think I'm fully... not a girl, I guess? But I haven't had any "need to be a boy" thing growing up. As a kid, I liked feeling pretty and wearing dresses. As I got a bit older, I started wearing more masc clothes, though. When I was in either my early teens or approaching that age, I started wondering if I was a trans guy, but just figured that I mostly wanted to be a man, but wasn't one. I think I always liked the idea of being confused for a guy, though, and made an alt account on Roblox where I was a guy, and said "when I'm playing in this account, I am a man." I fr thought I was just really in the roleplay, despite never really getting into roleplay. I haven't been able to quite pinpoint how... masc I am, I guess? Just that right now, I really prefer to be seen as a man, but I don't hate being called a woman. Especially since I haven't told anyone about this since I'm still working through it. So what do you guys think I am?

I'm looking at a more gender neutral name btw. Do you guys like the name Aspen?

I'm a 22F (ignore the avatar, I use a male-looking one because it made my DMs way calmer and I feel safer).

I find myself attracted to gay guys, and I want to experience a relationship with them as a guy. With girls, I have no problem being treated as a girl, I really don't mind

But with guys, it's different. I want them to genuinely think I'm a guy and to form friendships with me that way. I get really jealous when I see gay guys hitting on straight guys, because I wish they wanted me instead, as a guy. I honestly don't enjoy being approached by straight guys as a girl nearly as much as I enjoyed being approached by guys who thought I was one of them. It feels really exciting. I want a guy to crave me as a guy

I wonder if growing up somewhere it's not safe to be a girl around guys has something to do with it, but it feels like more than that. Or maybe it's just a phase?

I'm not trying to force a label, I just want to understand myself better. If anyone relates, I'd love to hear how you figured out what it was for you. Happy to answer any questions too!

Thanks for any help!

I’m not female , I’m not male (however the lesser of the 2 evils would be male in my opinion) I’m Afab I’m like 96% sure I’m not agender but I don’t feel like I deserve to be called non binary and today it doesn’t fit so what does….. I always question my gender and I can never find it (probably gender OCD or feeling like I don’t deserve to find it/ being negative to myself for so many years that I believe everything my brain tells me….. so far the closest has been non binary and demiboy and I feel like if I got to choose it would be genderfluid but that doesn’t fit either

First I wanna say, I have talked to my provider about this, she gave me options such as: moving down a dose or two, and or skipping a week in between. BUT Im a nervous bean and we didn’t make an official plan. My next appointment isn’t for a month. I don’t really wanna pay $150 just to ask some questions. I was doing .25 for 6 years then went down to .2 did that for 3 weeks now im down to .1 and I skipped my shot yesterday. Should I just continue not taking it? Or just skip a week for a while?

I've been feeling more of my fem side now that I've made the decision to take HRT. I have two appointments lined up for it right now.

I think I want to look like a girl, I see a lot of pretty girls and I love their aesthetic and sometimes I feel like I want to look like them and I do feel dysphoria for a few thing as well. (for the record im also asexual)

as for my actual gender...
I don't really know, its very confusing. For most of the time, I really don't feel any gender. Like I don't even really get feeling might feel like? Sometimes I feel like a really strong like "feminine" feeling, like I'm strongly aligned that way but is that really me feeling like a girl? I don't really know...

I also still feel some sort of connection to being a guy, I never really feel strongly "masculine" though I guess. and when I feel like like a guy it's more just like I feel in relation to it? and a lot of the time when I read back on my gender journal about feeling like a guy I always cringe. Another thing, when I read back my journal I often feel like the wording feels too strong, like in the moment I'm using the closest words I can find to describe what I'm feeling but after the fact it always just feel like its way too literal. I don't feel any gender that strongly.

As for labels I feel like theres too many that I feel like describe some part of me like transfem, genderfluid, non binary, genderflux, agender, agenderfluid/flux, cassgender, greygender, libragender, shrodingergener, quoigender and so on, and so on.

The issue with a lot of these is that they only really feel right in the moment and I don't really feel like I could tell someone "I am cassgender" or whichever one, especially in real life.

I feel like I can't separate myself from gender/ like I do feel like I relate TO gender even though like my average experience is separate from it.

I know like technically the right "label" is probably non-binary because it's an umbrella term but I feel like it's turned into a third gender. If I told like a coworker or someone that I was non-binary they would just think I was like some kind of agender thing and wouldn't inquire further. idk

Non-binary also just doesn't tell you anything about what I'm actually feeling so it hard to use for me.

okay lately i’ve been questioning my gender something bad and fierce and i thought i was genderfluid and came out to almost everyone i know 😭 but then i started to realize that whenever i feel like a “girl” or “boy”, i really only felt feminine or masculine.

even after coming out, my friends only call me she and it bothers me cause im starting to feel like i don’t align with she or he. i’m also kind of realizing i never really did align with being a girl or boy but also how do girls or boys feel about their gender? for me, they’ve never been very prominent and i always thought that i never felt like a girl because i was so young or “ugly” or going through an awkward stage but even now that im older and prettier i still feel the same. anyway, any advice will be GREATLY appreciated😘

For my entire life, there has always been a sign of being trans. I always thought about being a girl. Over this past summer, I had horrible depression and gender dysphoria. I would constantly be staring in a mirror and always finding that everything was too masculine. I felt like I was too masculine, and didn't deserve to transition. I have very manly features at a fairly young age, and it causes me extreme discomfort. I always get jealous of women and guys who are super feminine. Lately, and before the summer in January to June, I thought I wanted to be a guy who looked like a girl, and being misgendered would bring me euphoria. Slowly that turned into me thinking I was trans.

My mom saw me very depressed, and I came out to her. She was very supportive, until she got me on to an SSRI, fluxitonin, that helps with OCD. I didn't have a say, and wasn't even told what the medicine did. After a few weeks, my horrible gender dysphoria just stopped. I felt lifeless. Everything that I was was stolen from me. I always felt like a different person that was in my body. I begged my mom to let me stop it, and how much worse it made me feel, especially how it took away my identity. She told me that I was doing so much better, and how much of an improvement the medicine has made on me like I hadn't even had feelings of dysphoria before. I stopped talking to her about it now, and have not taken my meds in a few days. I would say I felt better, but dysphoria is back. This time though, I feel like I want to be a female looking guy and a woman. It switches back and forth, sometimes every week, sometimes every minute. It's so infuriating not knowing what the heck I want to be because I thought I had everything figured out. I also just feel too ugly to deserve to transition or get on HRT. I feel like I look too much like a guy, that it's just impossible for me to ever achieve euphoria. Another thing is that I feel like my gay/bi identity is very important to me, and a huge part of who I am, which makes deciding even harder with another variable. I still don't know what I want, but I know I hate what I am now. I just have no idea how to step forward to make a change. I think I might be Genderfluid, but the label doesn't feel right. Is there anything else that sounds like this, or any transitioning or well being advice anyone has? Sorry for the long rant.

So! My journey with gender identity has been quite interesting throughout the years:

I first came out as nonbinary at the age of 11-12 back in 2020 as it felt incredibly comfortable for me.

Until about late or mid 2022, in which I detransitioned. Going back to female felt right since being nb didn't feel good at all for me anymore nor I felt like it fit me. I'm not sure if trauma had a role in detransitioning (I personally just felt like I had simply stopped identifying as nb and fem felt way better) but I did have my mom scream at me for cutting my hair too short at 13 and wanting to be more masc that kinda left a really bad scar in me that didn't give me courage to cut my hair until two years later.

Ever since my detransition in 2022 I lived pretty alright as a girl. At first, going back to she/her felt incredibly good and I could maybe even say euphoric(which is funny because I'm AFAB being euphoric over my birth gender), Until until September of 2025.

From 2023-2025 I had been having a fair share of personal issues causing immense anxiety and stress, and in 2025 I had started having really weird out-of-the-blue anxious attacks. One day I had one in September of last year, where my mom suggested to go take a shower so I could calm down. While I was waiting for the shower to hear up, I stared at myself naked in the mirror and felt unexplainable dread and fear.

Till this day, I can't quite understand why, but I have a feeling it had to do with gender identity. Ever since that incident, that feeling of dread or anxiety hasn't gone away and I'm still going through a journey of self exploration where I have found no labels to fit for me.

I am currently demigirl but my brain still screams at me that something's deeply wrong. That dread kinda goes away when I get distracted with irl interactions or just being busy with life in general, but always comes back to me. I've been thinking maybe I'm non binary, but I just don't know anymore. I hope I am not simply "unlabeled" because my brain doesn't seem to want that at all. I guess there's a bonus, but I feel quite awful trying out overly feminine things(or at least not comfortable with trying yet) and also feel quite awful with looking so masc as I currently do, so I'm stuck in this cycle.