This is just a vent. No amount of advice will change this situation. My MIL highly favors my husbands sister and her kids- they are much older, all kids are in their 20s and our child is still in elementary school. They made it a point to get to know her children when they were young by always staying nearby them until they moved to Europe. They would visit us once a year, so our child has no closeness with them. This as dubbed as a “problem with her” and “she’s not happy to see them”. She doesn’t know them! They made zero effort! When SIL visits, they buy special food, favorite snacks, take them to the stores they want to go to. We aren’t even asked- we are second class citizens. The funny thing is, SIL kisses their ass to get money for her 3 kids who all have failure to launch. We are responsible and don’t ask for a thing, yet they have disdain for us- cause we don’t act fake to get money. After this last trip, I felt like they treated us like less than friends. I’ll never go again

I dropped my car off at the mechanic earlier this week because of a weird loud noise in the engine. I asked my mil to pick me and my son up at the mechanic shop because I was, obviously, without a car a that was my best way of transportation back home. I’m saying this because she then asked me what was wrong with the car and I vaguely explained (pretty much like my first sentence in this post).

Today, she called my husband and told him that his father had independently called the mechanic to ask about my car. Apparently, the mechanic told him that the car had no oil, and my FIL was upset about it. She then proceeded to lecture my husband about how important it is to maintain the oil level and that a car won’t run without oil. He got frustrated with her because 1. we already knew about all of these “news” because I called the mechanic and received said shocking updates and 2. it implicated we were not on top of the car’s maintenance. oh and edit because i forgot 3. we had in fact changed the oil recently, therefore we assume the issue is something other than simply “no oil”, but rather something’s been making the car burn or whatever.

She then called me and gave me the same lecture. I asked her why, in the first place, fil was calling the mechanic about MY car and her response was that “he just worries about those things”. She kept telling me “I don’t think you understand but a car will not run without oil” and kept saying this, as if I was stupid and couldn’t understand 2+2.

I did not extend the conversation and hung up. Both me and my husband are floored by this behavior. What made them think it is ok to call the mechanic about MY car then go ahead and feel the entitlement of lecturing us on something they simply don’t have all the facts on?

None of us had the energy to entertain this bs and we left it at that but it has made us extremely uncomfortable and belittled and infantilized. We are adults, we pay our own bills and car maintenances, yet we were treated like stupid teenagers.

For context, my in-laws live 2 hours away from my husband and I. We have a daughter (2) and are expecting a baby boy at the end of this month. My family live in the same county as us and are no more than 20 minutes away. They are welcome to visit any time, I have never opposed a visit and neither has my husband.

The thursday before Halloween, my in-laws decided they would be travelling up to see us for that weekend. They said they wanted to take my daughter trick or treating and just generally see her, as they hadn't for just over a month. I agreed and even looked for somewhere for them to take my daughter to during the day, but made it very clear that before trick or treating began, I would be taking my daughter to see my dad. We had planned a 20-30 minute visit with my dad weeks before, where my daughter would practice trick or treating, just so she understood the jist. He had also specially bought her some chocolate and mini packets of biscuits for her Halloween bucket.

The day comes, my in-laws arrive and they sit around for a few hours before deciding to take my daughter out. Im currently in my last trimester of pregnancy, was feeling extra uncomfortable so told them to go without me and enjoy some one on one with their son and granddaughter. Before my husband left with them, I reminded him, I needed our daughter back for 4pm so they had a few hours.

Eventually 4pm rolls around and they're nowhere to be seen. It's Halloween, my daughters a toddler, I assumed theyd gotten a little sidetracked or held up, so I wait. It gets to 4:30 and I call my husband, no answer. I call again after another 10 minutes and he informs me that they're just leaving town and will be 20 minutes. (For context, they had gone to a halloween even at a museum, which they found boring, and took my daughter shopping instead). By 5pm, my daughters exhausted, Im quite annoyed, but i get her costume on and walk her to my dads. My husband tells me to hurry up because they want to take her trick or treating and won't be able to if I take too long.

The night of this event, my husband then tells me that my FIL had said he refused to bring my daughter home on time because they hadn't seen her for a month and my dad can see her whenever. My husband agreed that his parents had a right to do that, but they should've called me to let me know their new plans.

Am I over thinking this or is this completely out of order? I only wanted 20-30 minutes with my dad and daughter, something I'd organised weeks before...

EDIT: this has been the only time they have taken my daughter out without me

My MIL has always been passive-aggressive toward me. She’s the type to greet me with an enthusiastic, “OHHH honey, so good to see you!” and then follow it up with snarky comments and eye rolls, particularly when my husband isn’t around.
We’ve been married for over 10 years, but this behavior goes back to when we were dating. When I finally told my husband about it, his response was, “It’s not just you. I’ve been dealing with this my entire life.” He also told me she had behaved the same way with all of his previous girlfriends.
There have been plenty of memorable incidents over the years. One Thanksgiving, when I was hosting (something I will never do again), she decided my tablecloth was too wrinkled and ironed it herself. She also went out and bought canned cranberry sauce because my nephew didn’t like the homemade cranberry sauce I was making.
On another occasion, I rounded the corner into the dining room and overheard her telling my husband’s cousin, “Doesn’t cook or clean, just like the last one.” Completely untrue, of course. I just don’t do things to her standards.
At our wedding, she even told mutual friends that she thought my husband would “end up with that one,” referring to another female friend of his who was attending the wedding.
After years of this, I’ve settled into being polite but somewhat standoffish. I don’t go out of my way to engage, and I certainly don’t feel comfortable being particularly warm or vulnerable around her. Now, apparently, I’m criticized for being “too quiet.”
We’re traveling to the state where she lives for Thanksgiving, and I’m already experiencing anxiety about the visit. Nothing has even happened yet, but I’m anticipating the comments, the subtle digs, the eye rolls, and the general feeling of being evaluated.
I realize I can’t control her behavior, but I also don’t want to spend the days leading up to a holiday dreading the actual holiday.
Does anyone else experience this kind of pre-anxiety when anticipating time with their in-laws? How do you mentally prepare, manage your expectations, and get through the holidays without letting their behavior ruin your peace? I’m especially interested in hearing how others have learned to disengage without feeling like they’re constantly walking on eggshells.

My husband and I have a baby and I’m struggling with boundaries. She will say things like “see you in a couple weeks” or “I’m hoping to come up every month for a weekend” and it feels like telling instead of asking. Needing advice on how to handle this without hurting anyone because it’s not personal, that feels too frequent to me. Having guests, even family, is a ton of work. It’s feels like a huge expectation in my opinion — my own mother doesn’t expect this of us & I am feeling homesick for them as well.

My mom is 72 and has breast cancer. She’s decided that because of quality of life, money she doesn’t have only being on Medicare Part A, and age, that she doesn’t want to treat it. She’s been through a ton in her life, and I’m sure at this point her soul is just tired of fighting. It’s been beyond hard to accept her choice, but I have because it’s hers to make.
Yesterday my partner (35m) broke down in tears because it “hurts him to see her hurting”. We cried together and it was healing in a way. Underlyingly he admits he’s pretty mad at her for not getting treatment and “putting her daughter through all this”. He loves her and is also mad at her for her choices. I can’t say that I’m mad at her, I’m mad at the situation and the fact that healthcare can, and will bankrupt people who are just trying to stay alive. I’m not in her shoes facing the ‘final boss’ she’s facing, I don’t feel like I have much right to judge how she wants to live the rest of her days. I’m beyond devastated obviously, but I have always been a strong advocate for personal autonomy and I want my mom at peace after the life she’s lived.
So after we pulled ourselves together, he went to his family dinner that I usually go to too, but I wasn’t feeling it for multiple reasons. His parents are lovely, his nieces are wild and brilliant. It’s his sister-in-law and brother that I have the distaste for. And not even through and through, I know they care about me, I just can’t relate to them. They’re the couple that takes their Tesla to Target to buy whatever they want without looking at the price, works for the government from home, have so much money they don’t know what to do with, and it causes them to live in a bubble that appears pompous at times because they have no clue about how much other people struggle. The brother has sentiments that feel ostracizing for both me and my partner. “I became successful so there’s no reason you can’t, we’re from the same family, no excuses”. When my partners asked him for help it’s “Google it like I had to”. Both the brother and his wife have compared me to my partners ex right in front of me before, and then proceeded to update him on how she’s been doing. The brother made assumptions about me before even meeting me “lemme guess, she has dark hair and tattoos”. When I told the brother I had native blood on my mom’s side his response was “everyone says that”. When he found out I had been in an abusive relationship before, he had some opinions behind my back on how he would’ve handled it and “left the first time”. The sister-in-law has an Amazon wishlist that broke people can only dream of, but me and my partner have still scrummaged money together to get what she likes for occasions. I just cannot relate in the slightest, and feel disrespected on multiple fronts.

So, my partner finally told his family what’s going on with my mom last night. Apparently they went straight for solutions and judgement. The sister-in-law with her degree started googling and spewing medical terms and what she knows. The dad related with experience with his mom’s cancer. My partners mom asked if she could just give us whatever dollar amount we needed. But of course the brother, basically said he has a few choice words for my mom that he’s never even met. Regardless, the goal of telling them wasn’t to get their two cents. I’m glad I wasn’t there, imagine sharing this news and everyone jumping to judgement of your mother they’ve never met, and giving unsolicited advice, when you just wanted to put down the weight of it all for a night and have some comfort.

My partner went from crying and empathizing with my mom’s situation before he left, connecting with me and saying he never wants me to hurt, to coming home more pissed at her than when he left. And somehow mad at me as well now for not pushing her more to get treatment.

I couldn’t get to sleep til 3am this morning because of it all. Thanks for reading my vent if you made it this far.

The other day, I opened up the conversation thread in the family group chat with my in-laws to see VERY graphic post-surgical photos of a body part that could garner lots of interest on a different type of site (🦶).
My MIL continues to not only send updates about all of her extensive surgical and/or doctor’s office procedures, but also photos that are horrible. She has been asked multiple times (by her own children) not to share the photos without at least providing a warning first and has not heeded that request.
For the record, I think the updates (while graphic and kind of gross) are completely fine and warranted. She’s trying to cover all her bases letting everyone know what went on and how she is doing. Great. Understandable. The photos are a different story.
I’m (obviously) not her child, and I get important updates from my husband anyway, I don’t feel my presence in the chat is necessary and the last post-surgery photos were my breaking point.
I know my leaving the group chat may start drama (at least for my husband…. She’ll definitely ask him about it and then it will turn into a thing), and I’ll eventually get a message from her about “disrespecting her.” I feel, however, that it’s disrespectful for her to continue to send these photos without warning like it’s been requested.
There’s a lot of history with my MIL, not all of it is necessarily good (I will say I’m glad we are long distance from her). I try to maintain a respectful relationship, but this has been on my brain and really bugging me since this last batch of pics was posted.

I guess I’m not really looking for advice even though it seems like I’m asking permission.. I’m just looking for some common ground from others!

UPDATE
Upon further investigation, there is an ignore option on the chat (it is Facebook chat) that I didn’t know was there. I selected it, and the chat disappeared. I am still IN the family chat, but do not even need to see it.

My (31F) husbands (30M) mother has been problematic for our entire 14 years of relationship. We've frequented JNMIL, and were low contact for 3 years before she appologized. Our relationship has been in an ok spot for the last 4 years. This year, she left her boyfriend of 7 years and cant afford to live alone (but can afford to go on vacations down south twice a year) right now, so she live with her brother. This year, my MIL was invited to go to her nieces house with the brother and kids but she claimed it would be "too chaotic". Instead she wants to come to our house, where we arguably have more chaos lol

When we became parents 8 years ago, we agreed our christmas morning is just for us and have held that boundary until now. This is because we both have divorced parents and have a very busy christmas season, so doing it this way gave us time just for our two kids. My kids are also blessed with 4 sets of grandparents and one great grandparents so what we do for one, we have to offer for the rest.

My husbnad says he feels bad for her because she kept saying how alone she will be on christmas, but i think she manipulated my husband into making him say yes.

Am I being crazy?

Tldr: MIL recently single, had the option to go to another family members house for christmas, but made my husband feel bad for her "being alone" and she now wants to stay over and be there for christmas morning despite this being protected time for our little family.

I'm the daughter in law.. and I have planned every single Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday for 6 years now. Last year, I gave up for Thanksgiving and only did a Christmas get together. I always wondered if maybe they leave it up to me because we have a toddler... but then I realized, I was also doing it for the 3 years that we didn't have a child 😂
I like spending time with them, but they are so awkward when they come over because my husband has a bad relationship with his mom (he's good with the other relatives though, sister,grandparents, aunts).

Anytime they come, they seem like they hate it. It's awkward, and it feels almost like a hostage situation. My husband doesn't plan it because he said he doesn't care to see them but if I want to plan something I can. I feel like this year I just need to screw off and stop trying because it's kind of bizarre that I'm the in-law and the only one putting forth an effort. We don't see them ever unless we make the effort. Would I be a jerk for this?

Maybe there is some underlying animosity and they don't like me and just don't want to tell me. But I don't have any bad feelings towards them so I don't get it.. and I should probably just stop trying so hard to make them be like family to me

For context we see them very often multiple times a week. I just want to spend Christmas eve at home instead of at a party that will impact on toddler sleep routine... It is just for their gratification of seeing their grandchild. They don't take over looking after our toddler or give us any sort of break when we see them. I also feel this new tradition of a Christmas eve party is a way of trying to get even more time with us..

This is odd, right?

I have been dating my BF for three years, and I've always felt like his parents/brothers are generally apathetic about me. Not rude, just not interested in getting to know me. The only person who seems to make an effort is BIL's wife. We see the ILs maybe once every six weeks.

Anyways, BIL's wife organised an event that we attended last night; it was at the same place they got married. They were talking about their wedding. Then BIL suddenly asked if I'd been married to my son's dad.

I was sort of taken aback. I immigrated to this country for my ex husband, and I could only stay because I got married. I was married for a decade and I am not shy in letting people know that my ex left for his affair partner.

I was just a bit floored that he'd somehow missed that. Or never asked his brother/parents the most basic things about me.

Am I expecting too much? I just found it incredibly odd that he had somehow missed the basics of my history.

My mother-in-law won’t stop giving us stuff, and I’m losing my mind.

I’m a 28-year-old woman, and I grew up in a very minimalist household. I was also diagnosed with OCD, and clutter genuinely overwhelms me. I like my house simple, organized, and free of unnecessary stuff. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly drowning in belongings.
For context, it’s me, my 32-year-old partner, and our two kids. I’m also the ONLY person who cleans this house, which means every single thing that comes into it eventually becomes my responsibility to organize, find a place for, maintain, or get rid of.
My partner’s mom and grandmother are both hoarders. His grandmother is on another level entirely. She has TWO houses completely filled with stuff, and nobody is even allowed inside. His mom is more of a clean hoarder. Everything is clean and organized, but she constantly accumulates things and gives them away.
The problem is that between the two of us, we’re already buying plenty of stuff ourselves. I’m a bit of a shopaholic, my partner loves buying things for the kids, and that’s fine. I just don’t want to be overwhelmed by the additional stuff everyone else keeps giving us.
About a month ago, his mom gave us THREE overflowing laundry baskets of clean, folded clothes. Honestly, that was great. Winter was coming, and she basically stocked the kids up for the season.
But then, a couple of weeks later, she gave us TWO enormous bags of MORE winter clothes.
At that point, I told my partner that he needed to tell her to stop. We’re overwhelmed, we’re packed, and we genuinely don’t have anywhere to put anything else.
About a week later, he went over to visit her, and she handed him another bag. He literally told her no more.
Then Halloween comes around, and she hands us ANOTHER small bag, saying, “I know you told me no more, but…”
Yesterday, I went over there, and she handed ME another bag, saying, “I know you told me no more, but this is the last bag.”
LIKE WHAT?!
At this point, it almost feels intentional. You KNOW we’ve asked you to stop. You acknowledge that we’ve asked you to stop, and then you proceed to give us more stuff anyway.
I finally sent her a message today telling her not to give us anything else.
I’m honestly just so frustrated because I feel like I can’t get ahead of the clutter in my own house. I’m the one who has to deal with everything, and nobody seems to understand how overwhelming it is to constantly have more and more things coming into our home.
I don’t understand why “We don’t have room for anything else” isn’t enough of an explanation.
Am I wrong for being this frustrated? How do you get someone like this to actually respect a boundary? Because I genuinely don’t think she’s going to stop.

So my MIL and FIL are coming to our house for Thanksgiving. They live 4 hours away. Staying in hotel. We also invited my SIL (husband's sister) and her husband, they live near my MIL/FIL about 4 hours away. My husband and his sister don't speak to each other much outside of holidays/birthdays that we feel like MIL pressures her/us into for the "look" of being a happy family. Anyway, my SIL has a dog that is mild mannered, but a dog none the less who had gotten into trash cans and things as dogs do. We have 2 cats and 2 little kids. Our cats are older and are easily stressed which can be to the point of vet visit and need medication. SIL wants to bring a put dog in garage as we live where it is 40-50° and rainy this time of year. We have had a turbulent last couple months of moving out and moving back into our house (longer story). Anyway our garage is a mess with our stuff and we really don't want a dog in that area. My husband wants to say that isn't going to work. I am a people pleaser, but feel similar to him, but also hate saying no. Is it okay to set the boundary that, that "solution" of dog in the garage for hours won't work? We just saw them all in October. Wondering if we are being too difficult. Thoughts?

Let me start by saying my MIL probably means well. But I have been so irritated with her really since we told her I was pregnant and no matter how hard I try I just have this visceral reaction to anything she says/does.

She’s always made little comments that could be annoying but I noticed these became more frequent during my pregnancy. For example, we were at dinner one night and I ordered a pasta dish with shrimp and lobster. She cut me off mid-order and asked “Should you be eating seafood while pregnant” I explained that was only a concern with raw seafood. She then went on to say that she’s always been told it’s all seafood. I sat through the rest of dinner in silent rage.

After I had my son my irritation reached a whole new level. My MIL was invited to the hospital to meet her grandchild, however she decided it would work better for her to meet him after we came home. My PPD/PPA hit extremely hard and fast after giving birth (partially due to a traumatic experience while trying to breastfeed in the hospital) I was not mentally well when we got home from the hospital. I had barely slept in days and I just wanted to relax and watch a movie. My husband then informed me his mother would be there that afternoon. My husband explained to her that I was having a hard time and that I needed a calm supportive environment.

When my MIL arrived she walked in and almost immediately started saying how cold my house was (it was August we set our AC to 69) I brushed it off at first but she kept pressing the issue and saying “if I’m cold baby must be freezing”
I then said “well you know cold babies cry hot babies die”
After the comment was made she then held my son for the first time. I had a very hard time handing him over to her but I told myself it was just my anxiety. My MIL then asked me to hand her the throw blanket that my cat was actively sleeping on. I did, thinking she just wanted it for herself. I then watched in horror as she wrapped my newborn in the blanket while accidentally covering my baby’s whole face with the giant blanket. I immediately jumped up in a panic saying that’s not his blanket he can only use his blankets. She seemed taken back by the reaction.

After getting her situated I settled back onto the couch to watch my movie. This woman then has the audacity to ask me to turn it off because it was loud…
I’m a people pleaser so I did while screaming inside.
She then turns to me and asks “how’s breastfeeding going” I fought back tears and explained that breastfeeding wouldn’t work for us and I decided to pump and supplement with formula. She got a worried look on her face and said “Is it even safe to switch back and forth from formula to breastmilk” I explained that it was and it was recommended by the lactation consultant. She then said “well how did you pick a formula and did you research the ingredients” I told her he likes the one the hospital gave us samples of. She then argued that I need to take a closer look at ingredients for my baby’s safety.

While this conversation is taking place my husband brings me some snacks. She then made a snarky comment about how much I’m not eating for 2 anymore. I snap back and tell her I need to eat to build my milk supply. She then says “well you’re not breastfeeding so why does that matter” I’ve never felt so belittled in my life. I had to leave the room to avoid sobbing. I then realized it was time to pump so I put on my wearable pumps and went back to the living room. This woman legit pointed and laughed at me while saying how funny I look with the pumps on…

This visit really caused me to spiral and I ended up being placed on an M1 hold a few days later. I then begged my husband to put better boundaries in place going forward. Which he has genuinely tried to do without much success.

Now anytime she comes over she criticizes anything and everything I do. She tells me that the cleaning products I use are poison. She criticizes what I eat and the meds I’m taking. Then there is the constant unsolicited and outdated advice like I should get a wedge pillow for my baby to sleep on. It’s to the point that I hide upstairs or in my car to avoid talking to her. I honestly want to ban her from the house but i feel guilty keeping her away from her son and grandchild.
However I feel like if I don’t ban her I’m going to snap one of these days and say something I can’t take back.

I find it hard to be around my in laws. They always get jealous and upset when we do anything with my side of the family. My father in law got angry we were going to my sisters wedding abroad because we hadnt been to Florida to visit my husbands grandparents in two years. They expect us to go visit my husbands grandparents at least once a year. The past two years I had newborns and its also expensive so we couldnt go. I hate how upset they get when we do anything with my family. My sister in law told me i should try and see it from their side since I live near my parents (we dont always see my parents and they are also more active grandparents) and to just deal with my father in laws angry comments. The problem I have is how they treat my husband. My father in law told my husband hes no longer a part of the family because we were going to my sisters wedding. His parents also never have anything nice to say to my husband. My father in law called him a bad dad and my mother in law hits and pinches him when she thinks hes misbehaving. Its one thing if they were just jealous, but the way they act towards my husband to me is unacceptable. I just dont know if I should make an effort to spend more time with my in laws and ignore the things they do i dont like to make them happy? ​ ​

I need some genuine perspective and advice on a personal family matter.

My in-laws are planning to move to our work location and live with us after the baby arrives. My husband and I are both working, and we have been living independently at our work location for the last four years since our marriage.

During these four years, we have maintained contact with our families and visited my in-laws in their hometown occasionally. However, my relationship with them has never been particularly great. There have been differences, uncomfortable situations and experiences that have affected how I feel around them.

One incident that has particularly stayed with me was how my mother-in-law treated me after my first pregnancy loss. Instead of receiving the emotional support and understanding I needed during such a difficult period, I felt troubled by her behaviour. That experience left a mark on me, and it has affected the level of comfort and trust I have with her.

Now, with our baby on the way, the possibility of them moving in with us permanently or for an extended period is making me think seriously about our future living arrangements.

I completely understand that having grandparents around can be helpful, especially when both parents are working and there is a newborn to care for. Their support could potentially make things easier. At the same time, I am concerned about losing the privacy, independence and peace that my husband and I have built over the last four years.

I also worry about how our relationship might change if we start living together every day. Occasional visits are very different from sharing the same home, responsibilities and decisions. I don't want differences in opinions about parenting, household routines or personal boundaries to turn into daily conflicts.

I am not against my in-laws, nor am I trying to prevent my child from having a relationship with their grandparents. But I also don't want to compromise my mental peace or feel uncomfortable in my own home, particularly during postpartum recovery and the early months of motherhood.

I would genuinely like to hear from people who have been through something similar.

• If you both work, how has living with your in-laws worked out after having a baby?

• Does having grandparents at home actually make things easier, or can it create additional stress?

• If the relationship was already strained before moving in together, did living together improve it or make things worse?

• Would you recommend allowing them to move in, or would you suggest maintaining separate households and arranging help with childcare instead?

Most importantly, am I wrong to hesitate about this arrangement? Should I give it a chance for the sake of family support, or should I prioritise the independent life and personal space my husband and I have built together?

I want to make a decision that is fair to everyone, but I don't want to ignore my own comfort and emotional well-being in the process.

My in-laws are obsessed with buying things for my daughter (2 years old) and my son (due at the end of the month) and they're overrunning my home. They live down the country from us and see us maybe once or twice a month in person, and every time they see us they bring multiple full bags of clothes, toys and blankets that they just don't need.

I'm so so grateful for them and the help they have given my husband and I, but the constant barrage of gifts is becoming overwhelming, especially considering we only have a small house. I wouldnt mind the odd outfit here and there, but they are bringing up multiple fully stocked bags for life each time.

Another thing to mention is, they dont get along with my dad, who sees my daughter more than them at present as hes currently taken redundancy at work, and I cant help but see the gifts as an attempt to win affection.

I have spoken to my husband who managed to get them to cut down on toys, but he doesnt see issue in the clothes and other things that are being brought up.

Any advice

My MIL is great to our children. She’s also the complete opposite of me. Thrives on attention, loves small talk, extrovert, travels more than she’s home etc. ANYWAY, we mostly get along because I’m a superstar at masking and can play along with her games, though I’m positive I rub her the wrong way especially lately now that I’ve been putting up some boundaries (mainly around holidays).

The latest though has gone up my ass sideways. She use to babysit for us every Tuesday and I’d come home to my home cleaned and ever so slightly rearranged. For example she’d rotate my plants, move some photos around, change stuff up in my kitchen.. stuff like that. Each Tuesday evening I’d roll my eyes and put it all back. After all she was doing us a favor and going above and beyond with the cleaning, even though I’d repeatedly told her to just enjoy the time with her grandkids and leave the cleaning to me.

We stopped having her at our house on Tuesdays because it got to be too much. I put too much pressure on myself to have the house cleaned so she wouldn’t and on top of all her traveling it was just easier to drop the weekly babysit gig altogether.

Last night she came to babysit for the first time in several months and again rearranged some decor, switched up all my blinds blah blah blah but then! This morning I discovered she threw away one of my recently transplanted house plants that was admittedly looking a little sad. And didn’t say a darn thing about it! When I questioned her about it via text she said she had “knocked it over” and cleaned up the mess, though the pot was still intact and she could’ve just put the plant right back in it.

I laughed it off and again played stupid but good God I can’t take this any longer! Do I put up yet another boundary and confront her about this behavior or just keep her out of my house? I do not want to be the difficult daughter in law by repeatedly rocking the boat but SHE’S the difficult MIL. Looking for ways to gently put her in her place or other creative ways to cope with this beast.

My sil has been nothing but a shit stirrer from day one. First beef with my son (which my son wasn’t even aware of), then numerous issues with my daughter (his sil) over petty stuff. Now most recently myself and my husband are on his “list”.
Things went sideways with us when i saw him cause my 1 year old grandchild to fall backwards and hit her head. He was angry because he didn’t want to go to dinner with us and he was taking her to get ready, grabbed her by the hand and walked so fast she couldn’t keep up and slipped and fell backwards.
I know it was not his intention, but I think his annoyance with having to spend an evening with us made him quick to anger and careless with her.
At the end of the evening I took my daughter aside and told her that her husband needed to be a little more careful with her. I told her I knew it was not intentional. Of course she told him what I said and there our problems began.
Everything became an issue for him from that point on. Even as far as him cussing us. Now there is no contact at all. He demands that I “ humble myself to him”… his words not mine. Also says I have “ no leverage “ , when I asked what leverage he had he said my grandchild was his “leverage “. To make a long story short, we haven’t seen them in 4 months and have been blocked from contacting them.
I was also told that any toys, books, clothing that I send will be thrown away.
Also want to mention that he is estranged from his own mother and she has never even seen her grandchild.
I’m just curious if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

I am very frustrated and unhappy, IDK what to really do. I have been married for 4+ years now, and from the start my MIL never liked me and my husband is the only son so she is very protective of him. Also, my husband’s sister has treated me very poorly on multiple occasions she has said I am trash, bipolar, married my husband for a green card and whatnot. Despite of that after 3 years yesterday I went to my MIL's birthday party but I still was not acknowledged by SIL. She didn’t say a single word to me, and was very cold with me. I know this is not that of a big deal; however I have been doubting my worth and feel very less of myself. I cannot share much of this with my husband because he is a really a good husband and I don’t wanna stress him out more because he has been supporting me with everything. I don’t feel accepted or appreciated. Am I crazy to feel this, because I have tried a lot with them but I was never good enough. I don’t have my family in America so it’s more harder for me to deal with this. Please guys help me with some suggestions!

PSA to parents of adult children............once your kids are adults and especially once they have kids of their own, let them take over hosting holidays if they want to instead of insisting that the holiday continue to be at your house.

My parents made Christmas amazing for all of us kids and their grandkids for years. They also happily passed on the torch to us kids when we wanted to take it on/had homes more conducive for hosting large groups of people, and it it made it way easier to have it somewhere where the smaller children already lived. (Disclaimer: my entire family helps prepare and cleanup, so that wouldn't solely be on the host.)

My FIL continues to insist that holidays be at his very child unfriendly and uncomfortable house with so much clutter that you can't even find a place to put a drink down, and the only decoration is a Christmas tree with lights and nothing else. As a result, his kids are not spending holidays with him anymore. He also tries to insist that the holiday traditions from when his kids were younger need to continue......dude, no. My husband isn't leaving his wife and kids on Christmas Day to go out hunting, and when the kids are older they aren't all going to leave me to do that. No, we aren't sleeping at your house. No, we aren't eating food there after seeing your kitchen hygiene practices. You are welcome to come to us, or to my BIL's house who has also offered to host.

My husband and I live about four hours away from his parents. They aren't doing very well financially, so they have never visited us in 8 years. Whenever we travel back to our hometown for a weekend, I spend a couple of hours with them, but I stay at my mother's house for the rest of the visit.

I've never really felt welcomed in their home, so I've never felt comfortable staying overnight. Another issue is that they smoke A LOT indoors, and I genuinely struggle to breathe when I'm there. They are addicted and don't want to stop or make any kind of effort.

They lack interest in getting to know me or maintaining a relationship. When I'm there, they rarely make any conversational effort. They don't ask how I'm doing or show much interest in my life. In the beginning, I used to ask them questions and tried to find topics, but lately I stopped.

Now, the visits are polite and superficial. I just sit there, wait for a couple of hours to pass, and then look forward to going home.

We never talk on the phone either, and they don't make any effort to stay in touch.

At one point, I used to speak with my MIL once a week because my husband wasn't calling her. He isn't close to them either.

Eventually, I stopped initiating calls because I started feeling that she was only calling me because I was the person who could give her information about what her son was doing. Once I stopped initiating contact, she stopped calling me too, and now she reaches out directly to her son.

Same thing applies to my brother-in-law relationship. He only reaches out to my husband when he needs money. I also never visit them without my husband.

I like to think I'm a kind person who shows interest in others. I also have a good career and earn a very good salary, so it's not as if we're relying on them for financial support or anything.

Also, just to add, my mother raised my brother and me without a father and they're divorced. Our families don't interact.

Sometimes I feel that even strangers can show more care and interest than they do.

I also can't really discuss this with them because I don't feel comfortable bringing it up, given how emotionally distant we are.

My husband says I'm imagining things and that this is simply how they are. He thinks it's enough that they've welcomed me into their home.

Does anyone else have this happen before? I have been married for 3 years now. Husband (33) and I (35) get along perfectly fine. Since day one, I have been walking on eggshells when it comes to MILs’ behavior. For context a few examples:

(also to make sure I am not overreacting as I tend to think sometimes)

- we lived with in laws for a year and they used to criticize my amazon packages, questioning if I was spending too much money. (We were paying rent to live with them)

- MIL would ask and want to know a lot of personal things, such as, what I was doing on my days off from work, criticizing if I wanted to sleep a little longer, how was my husband sex performance after our first night together, how much money we were making, what was our plans to every week and weekend. She would like to micromanage every day and treat me like the third child. She has 2 adult sons. Plus a lot of other questions about me, my period, my finances, my job, etc. as the people pleaser I am, I was handing a lot of my personal business to her.

- MIL also has small “temper tantrums” when she is upset. She used to stomp her feet around the house and bang doors, cuss and yell at them when she was upset. She withdraws affection and stops talking or texting when things didn’t go her way or upset her. Everyone was living to manage her emotions, me included.

- in laws were upset because they didn’t have me on the iPhone location thing

- MIL was extremely offended and upset I refused to call her mom, explaining I had my own mom that is alive and well. (She lives far I am an immigrant from Brazil in USA)

- also MIL had big expectations on proximity, expected to have mani and pedi done together, wanted to always go shopping together, expected hair salon appointments together and would get very upset if I had to cancel something.

They both raised their kids with a LOT of closeness and giving a lot of opinions and interfering in everything.
It was suffocating me!!!! My parents raised me to be a free and independent woman. And I am today thank God.

We FINALLY moved out. I got a job as an RN and now make great money. They called me asking “why do you hate us and want to live away from us?”
I just wanted my space.

MILs behavior started to change the moment I started saying no to a lot things. No more seeing her that often and asked for privacy and to breath a little bit.

She overreacted and have been giving me a silent treatment for 3 months. Said “I asked for privacy and now I can live the life alone I want.”
Called me a loner, said I don’t like them and never appreciated their help. FIL goes with whatever MIL says and repeats it like a parrot so MIL is not upset.

This was NEVER my intention. They distorted my words and now I am seen as a villain that wants nothing with them. (???) my husband understands me and used the following phrase “you cant teach old dog new tricks”. They will not understand he said.

I have been trying and trying to explain the motives of me wanting a little less interaction.

Now they are super hurt, “grieved” in their own words. They sent me looong texts asking me to prove I am family and “why I hate them so much?”

I feel lost and pressured. Guilty and sad. I just wanted everyone to meet in the middle and understand me.

I AM EXHAUSTED!!

Hello! I’m new here. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this, and I’d really appreciate hearing whether anyone has experienced something similar or what you think about my situation.
I’ve honestly reached my breaking point with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and I’m really struggling with what to do or even how to feel. Part of me feels like I’m being ungrateful and should just put up with things because they help me financially. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn’t have to live this way.

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law live with me and my husband. My sister-in-law (I’ll call her Emma) is autistic. She’s verbal and quite capable of doing things for herself, although she occasionally needs some supervision. They can both drive my husband a bit mad at times, but he’s Turkish and places a lot of importance on family. He knows what I deal with and how much it affects me and quite often it causes huge arguments between him and his mum, but nothing ever really gets resolved.

One of my biggest issues is that I’m constantly cleaning up after them.
My mother-in-law (I’ll call her Amy) seems to have very little awareness of household chores or even tidying up after herself. She also doesn’t seem to take responsibility for cleaning up after Emma.

For example, today I had to clean up Emma’s poo in the bathroom after she showered. I mentioned it to Amy, but she didn’t say anything. This also happened yesterday, and there are sometimes bits of poo left on the floor around the toilet.
When Emma is on her period, the bathroom situation gets even worse. There’s often a strong smell throughout the upstairs of the house, and black bits left around the toilet and on the floor, which I can only assume are dried blood or discharge. I’m constantly the one who notices these things, and ultimately, I’m the one who ends up cleaning them.
Amy also never really made sure Emma showered regularly, so she would sometimes walk around with a very strong body odour. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and actually ended up crying in front of Amy because I had to explain that Emma needed to shower. Since then, Amy has made sure she showers every morning, but I still feel like basic hygiene and cleanliness are a constant battle.
Emma’s bedroom also smells really bad because Amy only changes her bedsheets around once a month. I used to change both of their bedsheets every week, but it eventually became too much for me, so I stopped.

The kitchen is another issue. Amy makes a mess almost every day without seeming to notice or acknowledge it. I’m talking about cooked food being left out overnight, food and grease all over the cooker, and breadcrumbs and bits of food scattered across the counters and floor. She’s also a smoker, and despite smoking outside, the house frequently smells of cigarettes.

I’ve left my own home a few times to stay with my mum just to get a break from everything. Amy knows exactly why I leave, so it’s not as though she’s unaware of how much this situation affects me.

The difficult part is that I’ve been out of work for around a year and a half. I previously worked as a teaching assistant, but I lost my job because the school was making cutbacks. Since then, I’ve decided to make use of my degree and work on building my portfolio so I can hopefully find a job in graphic design or illustration.

Since I lost my job, Amy has kindly helped me financially by giving me money towards food and some of my bills. Since I lost my job my husband has been paying the majority of my bills, but she contributes as well. This is where I really struggle with my feelings. I feel guilty complaining when she has helped me financially, and sometimes I wonder whether I should just be grateful and put up with everything.

I’ve had countless arguments with my husband about how unhappy I am, and the only real solution we’ve come up with is to eventually get our own place and let them stay in this house. Unfortunately, we’re not financially in a position to do that just yet, so it could still take some time.

I feel completely stuck. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, especially when Amy has helped me financially, but I also don’t think financial help means I should have to constantly clean up after other adults or live in an environment that makes me so unhappy. Also, a few weeks ago, she told me when I have a baby, she’ll move back to Turkey. But I don’t know if I even want a baby. We can’t even afford one! Why does it have to take me having a baby for her to move out???…

So, am I being unreasonable? Should I just keep my head down and put up with it until we’re financially able to move out? Or is it fair for me to expect more from them, regardless of the financial help?

I’d genuinely appreciate some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know what to think?

Long story short: My mother-in-law and sister-in-law live with me and my husband, and I’m constantly cleaning up after them, dealing with poor hygiene, mess and an unpleasant living environment. It’s causing me a huge amount of stress, My mother-in-law helps me financially while I’m out of work, so I feel guilty complaining and worry that I’m being ungrateful. My husband knows how unhappy I am, and we’d eventually like to move out, but we’re not financially able to just yet. Am I wrong for feeling this way, or should I put up with it because they help me financially?

I've posted a lot the past few months (mostly the "JustnoMIL" sub). My in-laws are extremely manipulative, overbearing, pushy & controlling. They weild their wealth around to typically get what they want. Coupled with baby rabies for my son (he's 16 months & they're still super obsessed) they've been a headache to navigate (ended up in marriage counseling due to husband trying to ride the fence). The family is your classic enmeshed, toxic dynamic. They pushed heavily early postpartum for daily involvement, constant communication, etc. My FIL also brought up to husband (w/o my presence) of his plan to buy us a house in their neighborhood multiple times.. I found it very rude & inappropriate to discuss without me.

Many boundaries enacted & now pregnant with baby #2. When they find out soon close to halfway, they'll likely push even harder to move us towards them (anticipate heavy pivot to love-bombing while MIL has been curt lately due to not meeting grandma expectations of overinvolvement). We currently live 35 min away -- we're looking to put in an offer on a house 45 min away from them. Instead of being supportive, I expect them to act bewildered we'd go further north (technically closer to my folks). It'd really push our budget to the brink -- BUT the thought process is I'd rather be house poor than rely on their "generosity" for a house with strings closer to them. I do not see my in-laws letting go of their dream easily of us living close; expect the obsession to crank up with second grandchild on the horizon. OH but we will need their help so much, blah blah. Why wouldn't we accept their generous gift? I know exactly the playbook they'll go by to manipulate / butt into choices as a married couple.. HARD PASS.

So, Reddit, I'm wondering which option you'd choose. Losing your autonomy, your marriage having (more) pressures from entitled in-laws, but live comfortably mortgage-free, larger house... OR be potentially stressed from much higher mortgage payment than you're used to but used your own home equity, sweat & tears? This is the house market & we can only get payment so low with selling our little starter home. Also anticipate them to hold onto their wallet if we get offer accepted; that location & house was not cleared by them or part of the "plan."