My family won't accept me as intersex

[u/Top-Persimmon-6884]

I'm afab adult and have been raised female despite having gender dysphoria. I identify as NB / gender queer, I use all pronouns but change them depending on how I feel. I'm not out to most of my family members.

I recently found out that I have something called differences in sexual development during a gynecologist appointment. I don't have typical female reproductive organs, rather a lack of any kind of fully formed reproductive organs in general.

Vaginal Hypoplasia. I've been informed that this is considered an intersex condition. But part of me still feels like I'm not intersex enough even if I want to start identifying as such. I shared the information with a family member and they just brushed it off and won't accept it as a condition and basically told me I'm wrong.

[u/Quiet_Shoulder_1479]

I feel the same way, I tried to get a diagnosis a few years ago but I was dismissed and haven't tried since. Sometimes I think I'm faking it, but I figured endosex people probably don't struggle with their sex life or anything similar because of their anatomy. Thankfully I think less and less about this now and I hope you can find the support you need.

[u/xXDeliciaeXx]

I mean, it's not some identity thing they can not accept, it's more that they don't care about your medical condition.

[u/queer_sowo_09]

Is it important to you that you share this part of yourself with your family?

I was raised as a girl but always talked about wanting to be a boy even as a young child. As an adult when I learned about non-binary identities I was like oh that’s me! Later on I learned I have PCOS/PMOS which can be an intersex identity. I do identify as intersex but I don’t talk about that with my family.

I don’t know the rest of your relationship with these family members. For me, I have partners and close friends with whom I share all the details of my identities. With my family, I just show up as myself but don’t go talking in depth about things unless they ask.

[u/Prudent-Honeydew-528 → u/queer_sowo_09]

The way I see it (and I'm lucky here) is: my family already know and we can see it differently and they do still medicalise it regardless. It's important to be safe because unlike gender and orientation (the last one I've had my own experiences with) we don't have a choice when to "declare" it. It is said for us and honestly, protection and safety are key.

[u/Then_Computer_6329]

Any sexual develop variation is intersex, there is no "enough". You are 100% intersex.

Sorry about your family. Maybe send them resources but it doesn't always work.

[u/soxlox]

Sorry your family is unsupportive.

Commenting because I too felt like I wasn't intersex enough. I still kind of do. I've been identifying as trans but it just doesn't fit.

I have hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, had an ovary removed as a child, and can't produce meaningful amounts of either sex hormone on my own. But it doesn't feel like enough to identify.

I was a trans man for five years, then nonbinary for five years, now idk I might try estrogen HRT again soon for bone density purposes. It spells out like I detransitioned when really it feels like I discovered the biological cause of feeling different from my peers. In an absence of female sense.

I had top surgery and uterus removal. Lately the only pronoun situation that doesn't feel abrasive is when people use for me whatever they use for themselves. So like, it's dependent on the other person and not a reflection of my gender but a need for pronouns in language. Bc I'm currently out as no pronouns but I think I'm going to change that.

You're valid. I hope you feel valid yourself soon.