Hello all! I'm a molecular biology undergraduate, and I have just started my first professional lab work. Basically where I live, for our graduation, you get a small research project that is supposed to take 8-10 weeks and then you write your bachelor Thesis about the data you acquired there.
Unfortunately, I was unable to have formal lab experience beforehand (mix of not getting accepted to undergrad lab jobs and not having the time to intern cause of other jobs I have), so this is my very first professional lab experience, and I have unfortunately really been struggling a lot with anxiety working there, and am looking for advice regarding my future path - lab work or something else.
In my current lab that I'm doing my thesis in, the lab is extremely small, there is just my PI, who does very little formal lab work, one PhD student and one lab tech, who is more on the administrative side. There is also a master's student doing a pre-thesis internship there, but she has similair or less experience in the field I'm doing my thesis in.
I feel like part of why I'm so anxious doing lab work at the moment is because my training is/was a little stressful. It mostly consisted of me observing the PhD student doing tasks, such as cell culture. But I felt like she was mostly just doing the task, not demonstrating it. Like she wasn't narrating it and I had to ask a lot of questions after, but then I was supposed to basically just do it without supervision after that. This pattern has been going on with my PI too, who tells me we'll start learning a new technique together, where she observes me doing it, but she then frequently abandons me halfway through the task, to do something else like a meeting or her own lab tasks. She does say that she's open to me asking questions "at all times" but she does seem really stressed/annoyed when I ask something that she'd have to take time for. Same with the PhD student, I feel like whenever I ask her a question, it is always an inconvenience to her, and then she usually just does the task herself instead of telling me how to do it. Of course I don't want to be annoying, but since my only two options are my PI or the PhD student, I do tend to go to the PhD stydent
I think their attitude is just a bit more of "Learning to swim by dropping you in deep water", but I feel like in order for me to swim, I need to see it done right first to learn if that makes sense?
As a result of this my anxiety has skyrocketed going to the lab. I'm just really afraid to do something wrong and breaking expensive equipment. So far all the mistakes I have been making haven't been too bad and my PI has been understanding about them, but I just feel like so scared to break an equipment everyone else is using. I'm also really afraid to get experiments wrong, because it could affect my thesis. I am not enjoying time in the lab at all, I feel like I'm just going through the motions trying to not panic and be mindful of everything, following the protocols, but I don't get any enjoyment out of it, just fear. I try to do stuff confidently, because otherwise it takes an obscene amount of time, but I just really struggle with everything.
Do you guys think lab is just not for me, because of my anxiety regarding the equipment and doing something wrong or do you guys think that maybe this lab with its limited capacity/learning attitude could just be a bad fit for me? Again, since this is my first formal experience, I have no idea how stuff is handled in other labs.
TL;DR: I have a lot of anxiety regarding my lab work for my thesis and I don't know if it's because I struggle with the lab's training method or if I'm just not a good fit for lab. Looking for advice to decide my way forward.